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Anyone hoping to get the benefit of the reduction in VAT to 15% shouldn't dash out to buy petrol, booze & ciggies. scotch gordon is slapping extra Stealth Tax on these necessities to fund some of his reckless spending. He hopes to dig a Brown Hole £1 TRILLION deep by 2013.
Justice Sec. j. straw has come up with a brilliant new wheeze for raising cash for the Brown Hole. Any government department or private contractor which loses confidential data will have to pay a fine of £1 million/megabyte. The scam is expected to pay off scotch's trillion-pound deficit in no more than 20 years.
scotch gordon is so worried about the fallout from the mess he's made of the British economy . . .
hazel blears, labour minister, who scrounged taxpayers' cash to pay for Spanish lessons, which are of no benefit to her work as an MP or a minister, but which might come in handy when she's on holiday.
This prolific and highly successful American writer has died at 66. His much-filmed novels were mainly in the science fiction field, e.g. The Andromeda Strain (1969), Congo (1980), Sphere (1987), Jurassic Park (1990) and its sequel. He also ventured into the field of historical novels with The Great Train Robbery (1975) and created the award-winning TV series ER. He had a talent for recycling titles which other authors had already used; The Lost World and Prey to name but two. In recent years, Mr. Crichton also shone unwelcome light on the world's bloated ranks of Global Warming scammers.
The Swiss engineer and deep sea venturer has died at 86. The son of a pioneering stratosphere balloonist, M. Piccard made his name at the Earth's other extreme. In 1960, he and Lt. D. Walsh, USN, descended to the deepest point of the oceans in the Mariana Trench, carrying on despite the unnerving experience of having one of their windows crack some 2 km short of their goal. M. Piccard went on to make over 2,000 further research dives. He created the first 'tourist submarine' and he founded and chaired the Foundation for the Study and Protection of the Seas and Lakes.
After 40 years and 5,000,000 nautical miles, Cunard's flagship liner has been pensioned off. The ship was named after the Queen Mum but had a '2' added to its name because it was the fleet's second ship called Queen Elizabeth. And, confusingly, it was launched by our present queen, Queen Elizabeth II. Anyhow, after getting stuck on a sandbar for a while making its last entrance to Southampton Water, the QE2 managed to avoid all of the local hazards as it set off on a final voyage to Dubai and a future as a floating hotel.
The drummer of the Jimi Hendrix Experience, and the last survivor of the trio, has died at 61. A child actor then a session musician with a jazz background, Mr. Mitchell teamed up with Jimi Hendrix and Noel Redding in 1966, and became known for his 'explosive' drumming, which fused jazz and rock styes. The band produced three classic albums before breaking apart in 1969.
One of the stars of the ITV mega-hit On The Buses has died at 92. World War II interrupted his musical career, which developed into roles in long-running TV sitcoms, including The Rag Trade. OTB ran for 7 series and launched 3 highly successful films. Reg Varney (then in his fifties) played Stan Butler, a cheeky chappie driver in his mid-thirties who, with his conductor, Jack, was at constant war with Inspector "I hate you, Butler!" Blake. Reg Varney made more films and worked on the stage before retiring in the 1990s.
The designer of this monumental set of steel spikes in the sky has paid Manchester city council £1.7 million in an out-of-court settlement and the article looks like getting the boot from its present home. Built as a monument to the success of the Manchester Commonwealth Games, it started shedding spikes like an old Xmas tree and ended up fenced off and declared a danger to public health.
What is the official government solution to the Energy Crisis and the Credit Crunch? The Ministry for Power Generation Services is telling every firm in the country, through its quango Envirowise, to appoint a 'tea break team' and 'tea monitors' to make sure that staff don't overfill the kettle and heat too much water when they brew up.
Recycling failure but a thermal opportunity
Hot enough for you?
Govt. creates detonating vermin crisis
Spit the bones out of this!
Now spit the bones out of this!
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
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Police forces all over the country are installing Hysteria Meters in their call centres to monitor the degree of distress of 999 calls. Anyone who fails to score 8.2 or higher after being burgled will be lucky to get a police visit within 7 working days.
A brown bargain for all
The biggest racket on the planet
Another nice little earner
You couldn't bloody make it up, but . . .
Special favours for the servants of the law
Free & easy on the high seas
Another waste of our money
Gas and electricity bills in Britain have gone up by 30% in the last year. The European average is 14%. Looks like another episode of ripped-off Britain.
It's only money, after all, part II
Economics of the mad house
It's the way he tells them!
The incredible in pursuit of the unbelieveable
The man who didn't fix the roof while the sun was shining is going to tell the world how to solve its current financial mess?
Tax the rich, but not yet
REMAINDERS +++ REMAINDERS
10,000 printed but only 3 sold
Please buy lots of copies as Xmas presents
The British Beekeepers' Association reckons that bees will be extinct here unless the government coughs up £8 million over the next 5 years for research work to find antidotes for the diseases and parasites which have destroyed one-third of British bee colonies in the last year.
It's only taxpayers' money, after all
D-Power! Believe it or what!
If you want to know what new labour has done to Britain over the last 11 years, look no further than the case of the Moslem cook, who has been encouraged to sue the Metropolitan police because cooking bacon was part of his job but he wouldn't do it on the grounds of religious disability. And could you imagine the stink that would be kicked up if he were to be told he has to accept a reduced wage if he's incapable of doing the full job description?
Dumb, dumber, dumbest
Dumb, dumber, dumbest II
Job Description of the Month
Who do you think you are kidding, Mr. Hitler?
Junk phrase of the moment:
Dept. of Guesswork strikes again?
We always knew they were lying
India has spent $80 million of British taxpayers' money on sending a satellite to the Moon. The cash came out of the £825,000,000 which scotch gordon gave to the Indian government in January of this year.
We wouldn't dream of saying it!
Dream on, guys!
The government has come up with a new scam to force motorists off Britain's roads. If caught, people speeding well over the limit will receive double points on their licence. So 2 speeding tickets could leave them at the mercy of public transport. And, no doubt, there will be fancy new fines as well to throw more cash into the Brown Hole in the economy.
Danger! Heavy load in progress!
More empty posturing?
CONGRATS to Lewis Hamilton for sneaking home in 5th place in the Brazilian Grand Prix and claiming the Formula One drivers' championship, out of which the FIA had laboured so mightily to swindle him!
Lying is about all they know how to do
BBC Hype "Will be stomped upon"
Spanish for sports fans
The government is trying to pretend that big companies delaying payment of invoices to small companies is something new, and scotch gordon & Co. will do something about it. If you hear hollow laughter, it's from the people who read this book when it was published in 1996.
Category : Crime & Commerce, mid-1990s
Anyone who wants their own nuclear deterrent is advised to go fishing on the sea bottom off Greenland. The Yanks lost a nuke here after one of their B52 bombers crashed on the ice sheet in 1968. The bomb melted its way through the ice, the Yanks couldn't find it, and they decided to keep quiet and hope that the story never got out. Wrong!
What are these people TALKING ABOUT?
Can't keep up with the Credit Crunch? Lost in a maze of Jargon? Check out the new, post-Credit Crunch vocabulary of stockbroking on the GARBAGEGATE website.
Note: If you are looking at this page after 2008 and the Garbagegate item has been moved to an archive, check out the "Global Items" section of the Garbagegate CONTENTS page
The bozos running the European Union caused the current banking confidence crisis. They got the International Accountancy Standards Board to make the banks report their assets at 'fire sale' values. Result : gross under-valuation in a rocky market and confidence shattered.
Achieving the impossible
Hard times out East as well
The infection spreads
The 3rd Pretender?
Whose Turn Next?
Power to the people? No *****ing way!
Messing people about as a way of life?
Hurry while stocks last!
Thinking of ending it all?
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