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The rainy day, for which scotch gordon refused to save when he was Chancellor of the Exchequer, is upon us and the pound is now worth about 2p in the rest of the world. So much for an end to boom & bust.
The BROON VOODOO DOLL
The Xmas gift of the century a prime monster voodoo doll, complete with 2 dozen extra-length pins, which may be inserted into the slogans printed on the doll to remind scotch gordon of them.
The premium version of the BVD comes with a miniature lamp post fitted with a handy hangman's noose, which can be used to park the doll between pinning sessions.
Working Person's Edition only £5.00 / €7.40 + + + Premium Edition £17.00 / €25.20 + + + PLUS NO VAT (because we don't believe in it)
HURRY while stocks last to: Editions M, D & R, 106 Riverside Drive, Romiley.
Swindon council is to scrap speed cameras, having realized that they are all about extracting cash from motorists and nothing much to do with keeping road-users alive.
It was always about the money
Credit crunch consequences
A correspondent has pointed out the following:
There's a campaign going on to justify posthumous pardons for people executed as witches hundreds of years ago. Is this a noble battle to right past wrongs? Actually, no, it isn't.
It's official! The prime monster is trying to turn himself into tony b. liar.
Believe it or what!
Revelation of the month . . .
When in doubt, split!
What bloody recession?
Done the good deed, what about the reward?
Same thing only different?
"What did he say?"
The people's choice
What are these people TALKING ABOUT?
Can't keep up with the Credit Crunch? Lost in a maze of Jargon? Check out the new, post-Credit Crunch vocabulary of stockbroking on the GARBAGEGATE website.
Note: If you are looking at this page after 2008 and the Garbagegate item has been moved to an archive, check out the "Global Items" section of the Garbagegate CONTENTS page
As well as causing headaches, brain tumours, nausea, deafness and poverty, mobile phones can also bring their users out in a rash. Anyone sensitive to nickel is liable to turn bright red after heavy use of a mobile phone.
Put off by horror pictures on cigarette packets?
Cover up the ugly propaganda with one of our elegant cigarette packet sleeves
SPECIAL OFFER – October Only! 2 for the price of 3!
HURRY to: Romiley Smoking Accessories, 13b Riverside Drive, Romiley.
Anyone wanting to build a concrete or paved off-street parking place in their front garden, or add a new patio at the back, will need planning permission from this month. This is the government's new strategy for reducing the risk of further catastrophic floods by reducing further loss of rain-absorbing green space from towns and cities.
We feel your pain, missus!
Nothing if not sneaky!
Lots of laws for us, none for them!
The lights go out all over
One miliband bad, two milibands four times worse
Is there something they're not telling us
+ + + NEW + + + NEW + + + NEW + + +
+ + + Strictly Limited Numbered Edition + + + Post-Credit-Crunch / Global Melt-Down Artworks + + + AMAZINGLY AUTHENTIC + + +
+ + + YOU'D ALMOST THINK THESE PEOPLE WERE HUMAN! + + + HURRY WHILE STOCKS LAST + + + ONLY 10,521 LEFT! + + + GIVEAWAY PRICES! + + +
HURRY to: Romiley Art Gallery, 105 Riverside Drive, Romiley.
Allotment holders in Bristol are being told not to lock their sheds to spare the council the cost of repairing doors and windows wrecked when thieves break in. Which rather side-steps the concept of having somewhere to lock up tools and other agricultural necessities.
Forced to do the right thing
Now, that makes a lot of sense. Not!
Who's watching you now?
Those who have to be got may be got any convenient way
Those who have to be got may be got any convenient way II
Asleep at the wheel?
The hero of the 1975 Balcombe Street shoot-out with Irish terrorists and new labour's favourite copper, who let his namesake tony drive around in police vehicles wearing labour election posters, has been forced to resign with 16 months left to run of his 5-year contract. He was brought down by paying public money to a pal for an image make-over instead of putting the contract out to tender, but his reign was already bogged down in a morass of the consequences of poor judgement, lies, excessive political correctness and mindless 'diversity' policies.
Another of the men behind the Great Escape from Stalag Luft III in 1944 has died at 95. Warrant Officer Fancy, a navigator, was shot down over occupied France in 1940 and spent the next five years helping dozens of fellow prisoners to escape from camps in Poland, Lithuania and Germany. He made three escapes himself but he was recaptured each time. He was trained in land management before the war and switched to a career in gardening following his release from German custody in 1945.
The nationalist politician, who stood up for the right of the Austrian people to stick to their traditional ways, had been killed in a road 'accident' at 58. He became a leading light in the Freedom Party, which opposes unchecked immigration and interference in Austria's business by the European Commission. When Herr Haider's party joined a coalition government in 2000, the European Union felt threatened enough to impose sanctions on Austria. The fingerprints of political assassination are there in abundance for those who know where to look.
The government is trying to pretend that big companies delaying payment of invoices to small companies is something new, and scotch gordon & Co. will do something about it. If you hear hollow laughter, it's from the people who read this book when it was published in 1996.
Category : Crime & Commerce, mid-1990s
Q: What do you call one investment banker on a window ledge about to jump?
Harmony at any price?
The Northern Rock bank is now rolling in dosh . . . . . because its deposits have a 100% guarantee courtesy of the British taxpayer. So much hot money is flooding in that the NRB is getting quite arrogant in its new-found security.
Safer to use? Yeah, right.
The reason why they put crossbars on lamp posts?
Sounds like a scam to us, mate!
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Last year's fire on the Cutty Sark wasn't arson. It happened because someone went home on Friday night leaving an industrial vacuum cleaner switched on and the firm in charge of the management of the restoration contract didn't have any night watchmen or security people checking for things like that over the weekend. So how long is it going to take the bozo responsible, and his descendants to the nth generation, to pay off the £10,000,000 damage?
Bookmakers all over Britain are taking bets . .
We'll have to get used to shivering in the dark, then?
An interesting new cabinet job created in scotch gordon's latest reshuffle of the deck chairs is Minister for Caravans starring a certain mrs. m. buckett.
This month's mishears
Quotation of the month
We have a right to know!
Not completely round the bend!
Political bullet of the month
Just a thought . . .
Good Deal : US dime worth 5.6p
Most of the cash dispensers at Romiley's banks are out of action because the credit crunch has left the banks unwilling to let non-customers have any of their dosh. If the Post Office and the Somerfield supermarket adopt this very stingy practice, we're going to have to start printing our own money!
As soon as the government announced its massive nationalization cum bail-out plan, the cash machines miraculously filled up again and normal service was resumed.
Towards a treeless society?
Would be space tourist Daisuke Enomoto is suing Space Adventures, an outfit based in Vienna, Virginia, for the millions he shelled for a flight to the International Space Station. The company says he was pulled from the flight because he developed kidney stones and the contract says the company doesn't have to refund payment if there's a last-minute cancellation for any reason. Mr Enomoto is alleging financial double-dealing and a conspiracy against him.
India joins the Moon Club
Bookmakers all over the world have noticed that their customers are switching from bets on the likely winner of the Chinese Grand Prix to the type of swindle which will be pulled on the McLaren team, and whether it will go off during or after the race.
Good News for all Americans!
Go on, Comrades, smoke yerselves to death!
Just to be clear about this . . .
Desperate to be a war hero like tony b. liar, scotch gordon has declared economic war on Iceland, which let its banks go bust with £20 billion of British cash on deposit. Old scotch has used counter-terrorism legislation to freeze Icelandic assets in Britain, but they don't cover the lost billions.
Even a general is entitled to a private life
The only country with a stock market which is still prospering . . .
. . . because Republican Congressmen were too worried about losing their seats in the coming elections to vote for President Bush's bail-out to protect bankers' bonuses.
Nobody escapes the German TV licence authority!
Steve Fossett's plane found one year on
Q: O.J. Mandelson is that someone we're supposed to have heard of?
How very 1984
How dare you expect us to pay our way!
By the way . . .
|Created for Romiley Anarchists' League by workers in revolt against oppression.|
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