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What do you get if you cross the Atlantic Ocean with the Titanic? Half way! Let us hope the Swiss pilot Yves Rossy manages to get all the way across the English Channel when he tries to fly over here from France.
The Fusion Man really does go for it at last
Meanwhile, going the other way . . .
The Russians are starting to regret sticking two fingers up to the world over their invasion of Georgia, so they're trying to make friends by the back door. The ploy involves trying to organize a global task force to do something about the asteroid Apophis, which has an orbit which crosses Earth's orbit.
The 'Great Planet Debate' had a not so great outcome
China launches ambitious space mission
Another thing that's gone up since new labour took office is the number of fake pound coins in circulation. The Royal Mint last guestimated their prevalence in 2003 and came up with a figure of 1%. Five years on, there are now 2% of fakes in the average pocket.
The police, Community Support Officers (a.k.a. Blunkett Bobbies) and members of the Community Safety Accreditation Scheme (a.k.a. Smith's Stasi) will be given the power to stop and search people suspected of being in possession of forged pound coins, which is a criminal offence even if someone else gave the forged coin to the victim. Anyone who has bogus poonds will be issued with an £80 fixed penalty notice for each bogus poond.
Climate changes at the North Pole have opened up both North-West and North-East Passages, and turned the Arctic ice cap into an island for the first time in recorded human history.
Menace to saviour in one bound!
Bad luck or bad government?
Dodgy doings at the Beeb
Commons officials have discovered who has been vandalizing the Dispatch Box in the debating chamber. It's the prime monster, who has been stabbing it with a black marker pen during Prime Minister's Questions. He tries to hit his documents, but his aim is so bad that the Dispatch Box is now covered with black skid marks, which the french polishers are unable to shift. It is to be hoped that scotch will be obliged for paying for restoring the damage he's cause, but no doubt the taxpayer will have to foot the bill, as usual.
Can you spot a flaw in this argument?
Stick your nose in, get burnt!
If the lights go out, call the cops!
"Hello? Hello? Anybody there?"
One of the founders of Pink Floyd; their keyboards player and one of the essential composers; has died at 65. Rick Wright dreamt of being a jazz musician but he became a student of architecture as a more realistic career choice; which he abandoned in favour of joining the rock music scene in the underground, spaced-out sector.
The man who pioneered shark fishing as a sport has died at 82. His talent for catching huge sharks earned him the nickname 'Monster Man'. He began hunting the world's biggest sharks in the 1950s, he bagged a 2-ton great white in 1964 and he gave an account of how he did it in the magazine Esquire.
The star of a string of Hollywood hits (and a few flops) has died at 83. His acting career stretched across 6 decades and he played everything from the boxer Rocky Graziano to the convict-hero in Cool Hand Luke (1967). He teamed up with Robert Redford for the classics Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid (1969) and The Sting (1973), he received 3 Oscars one for acting, one honorary and one for his charity work, which raised millions of dollars; he managed to stay married to the same woman for 50 years Joanne Woodward, his second wife; he was a motor racing fanatic (on and off the track) and he also found time to create his own brands of salad dressing and pasta sauce.
Bad Deal : US 1¢ worth ½p
Act quick before the Trade Descriptions Act gets you!
During the Credit Crunch . . .
Nothing like getting your priorities right
Banks used to be though of as rock solid. Now, the only place you find rocks are between the ears of the spivs running them.
Bite the bum but take the cash?
scotch gordon has done so much damage to the pound . . .
Spot the difference!
Thanks to the boneheaded EU quota rules, 117 million tonnes of the 187 million tonnes of fish caught in British waters had to be thrown back, dead, to rot in the sea because they were the wrong species.
FIA to end up in the dock?
Crazy Frog wants a misdirected swindle
Do it again and get it right this time
It doesn't have to make sense, it's the EU
Lethal Chinese scammers blocked
The animal rights mob are trying to get the Ministry of Defence to swap the real bearskins worn by Buck House guardsmen for something synthetic. They they'll be able to moan when the black bears go extinct because no one needs to keep them alive for the fur trade!
PR counts for everything
A fitting penalty for yobbism?
Too little, too late
If he gets killed, he gets killed
Well! Would you adam and eve it!
Call this logic?
Cold War Socks
The Russians are reviving the Big Freeze!
SPECIAL – September Only! 2 pairs for the price of 3!
HURRY to: Romiley Sock Shop, 13 Riverside Drive, Romiley.
Good News : scotch gordon is having himself relaunched this month!
Tell the truth and be savaged by the Daily Wail!
The government has driven the country's finances into such a deep Brown Hole that it is going to have to sell off more national treasures to survive. Hinting that the Victory, Admiral Lord Nelson's iconic flagship, could be sold to a private company is the first drip in the softening up process. While that particular notion has been dismissed as plain daft, the process will go on and on, stealthily, until the public loses interest.
There are only 10 types of people in the world . . .
Inappropriatine the wrong medicine for your condition
Fans of the Green Bay Packers are just coming down from the delight of their team's Monday night opening victory over divisional rivals the Vikings. Not to mention relief at finding that Aaron Rodgers can play a bit. Meanwhile, fans of the Miami Dolphins are wishing that their team had signed Brett Favre instead of their deadly rivals, the New Jersey Jets.
A winner everywhere!
So what do people actually do at the Paralytic Olympics? See how many alcopops they can drink before they fall over?
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. . . goes to the PHILIPS-freevents 5545URF Wireless keyboard
Its non-standard design makes navigation a nightmare, and someone who had learnt the system then struggles when using a keyboard with a conventional layout. It is also unreliable, working for days or weeks on end then suddenly becoming unresponsive and requiring enormous force to make the keys operate.
Nasty goings on on the Internet
British holidaymakers are being warned to stay away from Thailand, where violent anti-government protesters are on the rampage with machetes. Visitors stand as good a chance of being stabbed as someone venturing into Britain's gangland areas.
It's funny how Ferrari always gets away with it but the British driver or British team is always clobbered. Yes, Lewis Hamilton did cut the chicane at the end of lap 42 of the Belgian Grand Prix to avoid a collision with Mr. Raikkonen. Yes, he did end up in front of Mr. Raikkonen. But, as the commentators pointed out, he did back off on the start/finish straight to let Mr. Raikkonen regain his place before overtaking him at Turn 1 on lap 43.
Who's got it in for piers, then?
Jobsworths sounding off . . .
The Information Commissioner has ordered the government to release its collection of unshredded documents and undeleted emails around a draft of alastair campbell's dodgy dossier the one which lied about non-existent Weapons of Mass Destruction and which was used as an excuse for starting the 2003 Iraq war.
Not Fair! Ref! Not Fair!
Not Fair! Ref! Not Fair! II
Still on the blame game . . .
San Marino, population 30,000 and host of alternative Italian Grand Prix events, has appointed an honorary consul in Wales. None of the microstate's citizens lives there so it is unlikely that the guy will be diverted too much from his other weird pastimes.
"You're all DOOMED!"
History is what you make it!
"Get out of that!" Thai-style
Things the US public can be grateful to Pres Dubya for No. 1
Nothing ever happens in Canada . . .
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