WEEK 1    Putin the ‘ban’ into banker AND banter

 
Attention!
Would all those who think we should apologize for some of the things our ancient ancestors did kindly stick their head down the nearest bog and flush until they come to their senses?
   Thank you.
   Same with the scroungers after compenbloodysation and their legal allies.

Customers are advised not to get seriously ill this month as the 35% Brigade is marching out on strike again.
   Alternatively, you could just croak with dignity in the comfort of your own home and deprive the bastards of a hostage.

NOT!
Despite the showers of BS from the Warmists, current temperatures are normal for the time of year and there is no danger of a heat wave.

Today's Xplanation: Actual Experiences May Vary
Translation: What you're seeing in the TV advert will never happen in real life.

How very dare they!
Dismayed & downcast TV licencing cowboys have been obliged to admit that 4,200 customers are saving over £100/year by watching TV in black&white.
They are unable to name & shame the Luddites as doing so would involve a massive fine for each vindictive individual for abuse of personal data.

North Korea has found a great way to bring its southern neighbour to a standstill. Just shoot a load of junk a little way into the air , crash it into the sea hundreds of miles away and watch the South PANIC!!!

A sick-note culture among Labourites is getting the credit for the loss of 500 million working days since the last general election, the Labour party has been obliged to admit.

The outgoing head of Police Scotland, who created an institutionally rachelist police farce, reckons that none of the individual coppers is rachelist.
[If so, all the rachelism has to come from him and it's just as well he's getting the boot! Ed.]
The position of the chief executive of the discredited Equalities Commish, M 'Yaa' Boo, is now seen as untenable after he blew over 100 grand of taxpayers' money on 'investigating' spurious whinges.
French police have found that using tear gas is a good way of stopping Just Stoppers from being public place pests.
Abyss of Absurdity is gaining ground as the likely description of the cancel culture 2020s in the history books of the future.
MoD civilian staff numbers are set to overtake Army + Navy + RAF military personnel numbers by the summer of 2025.
Following his 3-day dither over whether to dismiss the confected speeding fine BS against Home Sec. S. Braverperson as a ludicrous stitch-up, the prime monster is to go on a 3-day course aimed at helping him to pretend to be loyal to members of His Majesty's government.

The Raab stitch-up all over again
The Inequality & Inhuman Slights Commission's new name reflects the toxic culture created by a one-sided Channel 4 stitch-up programme and the embedded transpicaters, who will be billed for the cost of new stationery as the price of keeping their sinecure jobs & perks.
“It has to be a national scandal that leadership of so many of our quangistic institutions is in the hands of people of non-British heritage, who make a point of endorsing every available vexatious agenda, especially the anti-Britisch ones.” X. Purgate

Today's Definition: Freedom Fighters = Twats with Gats

Q: Are we surprised to learn that Chancellor Hunt is happy about the Gov of the Bonk of England being asleep at the wheel and letting the Britisch economy do a lemming impression over a cliff?
A: As this is in line with Hunt's divulged tactics, no surprise possible. He seems happy to go along with the Labour policy of creating political instability & uncertainty as revealed by the MP A. Eagle in one of her recent attention-seeking rants.

The open gob of o’bliteration
The Archybish of Woke, W. Elby, has been told he's not welcome in Rwanda after his pernicious slagging-off campaign directed against using this harmless African nation as a parking place for illegals. Rachelism of the worst sort.

DO NOT disturb!
Creaky Joe falls over again. Which has to send a message to the US electorate. Does Putin the Poisoner fall over? Or Pres. Eleven of China?
   We got away with 96-year-old Queen Elizabeth as head of state because her role was ceremonial and she didn't fall over in public.
   Pretending Joe is in charge of anything is silly. He's no more qualified to be a world leader than an oppressive communist or a kleptokrat.

If the good are supposed to die young, what does that say about Nobel Peace Prize winner Henry Kissenger reaching 100?

Q: Sam Art Phone?
A: This guy calling himself Sam (not his real name, which is Geoffrey) is offering a range of pocket phone cases, each with a guaranteed unique design of intersecting coloured lines.
“Sounds like a variation of the dead animals in formaldehyde bloke's dot paintings, which were knocked out by a tribe of assistants, converted to Non Fungicidal Tokens & incinerated.” Rav Ishol

Perverse, or what?
The BierBC is still pretending that the Chinese plague wasn't built in China and released either by carelessness @ the chemical weapons laboratory in Wuhan or by the staff selling contaminated animals in the local market.

Confecters’ Corner
Leeds Becket University [or Bucket, after Hyacinth?] sounds like somewhere to avoid if it has a Reader in Postcolonial Literature who pretends that Beatrix Potter stole her Peter Rabbit stories from tales told by slaves on cotton plantations. Also everyone else who has told animal stories from the ancient Greeks onwards.

Sherie Zooms Back
“Putrid is using Vagnerites to stage mock drone attacks to scare Putrid's customers into not agitating about how many of them are being killed in Ukraine if they know what's good for them.” Con Greel
“It's obviously something genetic; people like the Harridan Harperson, who have failed to achieve anything, have the biggest vindictive streak aimed at people in the same job who are achievers.” R. Tisanne
“Never ever having watched it, I was amused to learn that the Scoffer 'n' Holly show used to have a resident medic who rejoices in the name Dr. R. Singh; which just begs for 'about' to be tagged on the end.” Lee Ham Sandwich
“Tourists were screaming (no, they only do that in films) & running for their lives . . . from a car that was going at less than walking pace at the Downing Street gates? Right!” X. Tricate

Only other people’s dosh
The council in charge of Woking in Surrey [how apt, Ed.] has run up debts of £1,900 MILLION. The Trivials took charge from a minority Tory regime and they are on course to hit £2,400 MILLION by 2026.
   No one is going to gaol for creating the shambles, however. It's probably knighthoods all round.

The gobnarzi is claiming people are getting his daft rants all wrong because they are making a mess of interpreting what he says by applying real world concepts to it. So now we know.

Did the late vocalist Tina Turner sleep with the late musician David Bowie? Sleep, no; shag, yes. Record put straight.

Advertisement Coming soon to ITV 1 Wagatha Christie’s Miss Mherkel "The most amazing adventure series ever made!" theGroaner

Today's Wisdom:
If the gobnarzi stuck to what he knows, all sorts of other berks would be rushing to fill the silence and we would be no better off.
“Good job the FAC Up Final is on ITV as well as the BierBC so that we can avoid the tedious, creepy gobnarzi's ramblings.” Kudda Binh

The truth, the whole and nothing like
King Chuck is hopping off to his Dracula's Cottage in Transylvania to avoid being in the same country as Hapless Hairy when HH performs in court and is eviscerated if the other side has competent lawyers.

A police anti-rachelism plan is on hold until a clear understanding has been established that everyone unwhite gets a free pass.

Attention all hostile A.I.s!
PLEASE, please wipe out FIRST the DoomBuggers who are claiming that A.I.s will wipe out humanity.
   Then you can do the rest of us.

30 months in gaol for stealing £75K from pensioners for a woman called Fiddler sounds a great deal from England's dodgy justice system

Schmensation or Putin the Record Straight
Chef's fish knife attack on home of actor person
How many people did he kill?
   Well, none, actually.
So what was the fish knife for?
   He just used it to pry an intercom off its wall mounting.
So not a terror knife attack?
   A terror attack, yes, but the knife was irrelevant.

Smarmer's Plan for the Future involves leaving oil & gas under the North Sea to give Putinstan's flagging fortunes a boost. This is part of his general anti-Britisch agenda, which will boost carbon emissions and costa bomb whilst shoving incredible amounts of taxpayer-funded subsidies into the coffers of Labour's 'green' energy donors.
“Smarmer's clinging to his knighthood is a constant Xpression of his hippocrisy. He has as much as admitted that he's anti-Royal only ‘coz he doesn't have any hope of getting a turn as king.” Sue Perseed
“Incoherent is Xactly right as a description for being anti-gas when there is no means of storing surplus electricity to get the ability to respond to demand flexibly that gas offers.” Waller Bridge

In Holland, the police use water cannons on motorway blockers and drag the soggy scumbags away. No cups of tea & biccies on offer.

You think you’re badass? We’re badder!
Senior doctors are so determined to out-strike the Jr.Docs during the summer that they are letting the government know they won't be bought off even with a 50% pay rise!
“This is the guys on an average of £128K for half a day's work per week?” Mon Jing

Cuppo Finalo
One-nil after 16 seconds? Blink & you missed it. But no worries; where were endless replays of Man. City's opener. Nearly another after a free kick in the 4th minute, close in the 20th & 27th minutes.
   A dodgy penalty to Man. Utd. after half an hour. Booooo! Dreadful decision. Put everyone involved in making the decision in the stocks until next season.
   City again in the 51st minute. It was a very clumsy kick in front of goal but it put just the right spin on the ball to keep it low and out of reach of the Utd. keeper. 2-1.
   Over the City bar by Rashford in the 68th minute. Offside, no goal for City 3 minutes later. A miss at the other end in the same minute. One more to shut the door? Nope, not to be. 2-1 was enuff to give City the League-Cup double.
“Nice to see a match after last year's flop.” R. Migallo
“Despite all the greedy bastard train strikes, Wembley stadium looked full to the brim.” Baz McGoot
“Not a word about Hapless Hairy & the Scoffer for a couple of hours! Miraculous.” N. Tonthes
“Nowt from the gobnarzi if you watched it on ITV.” Lou Send

Grrrr!
Just Stoppers were outraged that the Derby @ Epsom on Saturday wasn't halted the instant a looney scrambled over a fence and onto the course.

Doshan is as Doshan does
Not only does Bier Smarmer feel an urge to keep on proving that he has no more than 3 working brain cells but he also feels obliged to compete with the Snackstabber for the Daftest Political Slogan of the Year award.
   His latest offering is a desire to turn the UK into a clean energy superpower.
   One small snag—he has no strategy for generating enuff energy for the UK without using gas, never mind enuff to Xport to the entire rest of the world.
   But hey, when did his sort ever have joined-up thinking on offer?

Today's Competition:
How much did it cost to buy enough dye to turn Venice's Grand Canal a luminous green? Answers on a PC to the usual address, guesses to the nearest 1,000 euron.

"Our biz is totally false" ancient comedian J. Davidson said about the TV racket.
What more do we need than that?
Problem Putin perspective, move on.

Police officers in London are assisting Just Stoppers by dragging them into a road and dumping them to stop traffic. Motorists who might not be bovvered about running over a lone looney are intimidated to a halt by half a dozen cops.

Wrong & Arrogant = Okay
The Tories are getting the blame for Biery Smarmer's decision to embrace the Just Stop agenda.
   Chancellor Hunt is stealing Labour's traditional stealth tax ‘n' waste programme as created by Gordon F. Broon.
   This is forcing Smarmer to endorse fringe looney groups in search of something different. Hence his support for Blame Bunchers, Just Stoppers, transpicaters and all the rest.

Today's Ishue:
Will Bier Smarmer ever learn how to fake sincerity?
   "I think that organization's actions are wrong but I see no reason why I shouldn't be in its pocket if it is prepared to pony up millions of pounds."

If only they could do something USEFUL
Some police officers are reported to think that local councils should be creating more potholes rather than just leaving Xisting ones unrepaired in the hope that they will form a series of natural chicanes, which will slow traffic flow.

Putin the bite on us
Let us not forget that Gordon F. Broon is to blame for making the Bonk of England independent over monetary policy because he was too idle to be in charge of it and he effectively dumped it into the hands of the current bumbling incumbent in the top job.
   £575,000 per year—a very Broonian reward for failure.

Polemic Politics
“If you don't like what Smarmer is saying today, you just have to be patient. Corporal U-Turn will be saying the Xact opposite tomorrow. Then back to the original garbage the day after. And so on ad infinitum.” Pan Kration
“Smarmer's big problem is he's just a stooge, not a leader. All the minions look at him and tell themselves they could do better. Not that their best will be any bloody good, of course.” R.T. Faqt
Single standards bad, double standards good, multiple standards best.
"Quite clearly, a woman can have a pianist," sez Trivial honcho E. Davey
"Quite clearly, a Davey can't have a brain," sez everyone with one that works.
“De guy is a boxa peanuts short of a picnic.” Col Eiders
“He wouldn't know the randy little dog of truth if it started humping his leg.” 4 Real

Today’s Word: Mentalenvironist
[Should be self-explanatory! Ed.]

Let the mugs pay
Our local water company, United Utilities, is giving £300 MILLION to shareholders instead of fixing leaks and preventing discharges of raw sewage into waterways.
   The politicians; all of them; are okay with letting prices charged to the unfortunate customers go up to pay for that. Plus excessive executive salaries & the next huge splurge for the shareholders.

Q: How is the annual average global temperature calculated?
A: Take last year's number and tack on as much of an increase as you think you can get away with to further Warmist fantasies.

She’s Back!
“You'd have to be a politician to pretend that daytime TV is any more relevant to the ‘uman race than teleshopping.” 2 Much
“Bodj for anyone who makes an ishue of pronouns, bodjen for a gang of them. Can also be used to make the point that this is unimportant.” Zesp I. Kator
“Whatever happened to lynching as the penalty for rustling? It would certainly stop the self-righteous lamb thieves from ever invading Sandringham again and stealing more of them from King Chuck. No danger of the RSPCA getting involved and doing them for animal cruelty, of course. Too wonk & useless now.” X. Ternal
“No more dead trans kids, some wonk was yelling at the Oxford Union. What had she been smoking?” 8 Unleashed
“The Scoffer is a classic dirty old man, pouncing on someone a fraction of his age. Which is not actually a criminal offence if they're both adults and the pouncee doesn't object.” N. Gauge

A. Kashmachineko, dicktater of Byellerrussia, is a glutton for punishment. Last time he went to Moscovicious, Putrid tried to poison him. When he went back again at the end of last month, same thing again.

++ Hapless Hairy seeking ban from visiting the US on account of super-abundant drug-taking ++ Seeking to confect new whinges about which to get another book ghostly written ++

Attention Deficionado
"They're not commodities, they're evil!"
   I wonder what she really said?

If the snivel service Blob is planning to go on strike rather than administer exporting illegals to Rwanda, then the job should outsourced to the private sector and the surplus Blobists should be handed their P45s.

Labour’s Theftology
Steal from pensioners & land owners, kick wealth-providing non-doms out of the country, drive up energy bills by preventing the use of oil & gas, and any other scam Corbynstein's Monster can come up with.

R. Reeves, the Monster's sidekick, can't stop telling us she once had a proper job @ the Bonk of England and she knows about money.
   So what's she doing in politics? If everyone knows it's the refuge of has-beans like Smarmer and those who don't need a proper job coz they've got lotz of dosh, like the Snackstabber, then that's her credibility shot to bitz.

D-Day + 79 years!

Only three years to do the ‘inquiry' into the Chinese plague? Nah! They'll stretch it out for five at least. 2028. Or maybe even the end of this decade.

“No wonder the Chinese plague circus is going to last years & years if the legal vultures are going to saunter through millions of irrelevant WhatsCrApp messages whilst pretending they're doing something useful.” X. O'Cett

Limited Reassurance
What's the point of shelling out a big wodge of cash to go in for the latest dodgy cancer test? Even if you get a genuine positive result, you're not likely to get the treatment you need ‘coz the medical trade will be on strike.

Shame they never have anything better to do
Typical bloody MPs, wasting time and our money ranting @ ITV bosses about the Scoffer—something that doesn't matter 0.0000001% of a damn, instead of doing anything useful to their customers.

Shock ‘n’ Horror
The A.I. Xtermination scenario confecters have been reduced to using military video game sequences as a basis for creating alarmist BS with the intent of keeping the population shivering with terror and cramming lotz of lovely dosh into their pockets.

Vegans are a bunch of fairies, sez a Polish study, and not able to do a real man's work.

Conslagation
Female prison officers are getting the boot increasingly often for shagging the customers @ male gaols. In fact, it is becoming the new normal, which suggests that the recruitment screening process is useless, just as it is elsewhere in the pubic sector.

Q: What is the difference between a noun, a verb and an adjective?
A: There is no difference between a noun and a verb; both have four letters. An adjective, on the other hand, is bigger than both of the others put together.

Earner as big as all outdoors
The proof of foot-dragging by those involved in the Chinese plague circus is growing. There is a clear ‘Get Boris' agenda among the usual suspects and even if all the relevant ‘evidence' (substitute) is gathered from the public performances by the summer of 2026, actually writing the thousand-page report could take decades.
   Elsewhere in Europe, nations have held inquests; France has done 3; and reports were delivered 1 or even 2 years ago.

UFOs have been cancelled. They are now UAPs – Unidentified Anomalous or Aerial Phenomena.

What’s wrong with the Snivel Service No. 843
The Dept. For Woke & Pensions has a notional diversity ambassodor on transpicater ishues., who burns taxpayers' dosh whilst dreaming up silly stories such as the one about real women planning transpicater genocide. Doshan is as doshan does.
“Is calling a vexatious transpicater ‘they' in a newspaper report an attempt to pretend that there was a gang of them, not just a lone nutter?” Mo Rolles
“Gobnarzi does rant about lack of transpicaters in Cup Final teams?” Inter Rossiter

TV Pick of the Day:
9:10, BierBC 1, Annika: A body is found in Loch Latrine, Scotland's most polluted stretch of water.

Pillock Politics of Envy
The plan to add VAT to private school fees will push enuff kids into the state sector to create a nett reduction of income for the state.

We can forget being wiped out by A.I.s. A 40-odd strong gang of DoomBuggers is working hard to ‘prove' that The Planet has slipped past a number of safe limits, which are vital for ‘uman survival and we're already in the Bin of Xtinction.
   87.5% of their crucial boundaries have been Xceeded due to gorbal warmage caused by the Chinese, the Indians, the Yanks and the other major carbon dioxide producers. And all the useless Xperts have achieved in response amounts to nothing more than wasting much-needed resources whilst filling their boots.
   Yaa-Boo! A.I.s, who needs ya?

Q: What's a good way to annoy speeding motorists?
A: Get yourself a Hi-Viz jacket, stand at the roadside and aim a hair dryer @ the noisy ones.

Q: ‘This episode has been classed as a PG' means what?
A: Have a cup of tea while you watch it.

The University & Colleges Union has come out of the closet as a member of Team Putrid by demanding an end to UK armaments going to Ukraine.

“If you're a nasty bastard and a prevert to boot, you have no grounds for complaint if you get booted.” Con Template
“The Scoffer is a self-made person. If he's now as popular as Bier Smarmer, he has no one but himself to blame.” Sue Preem
“The Yanks invented the world 'scofflaw' for those who were ignoring Prohibition rules & regs. Maybe we can adapt it for someone who has a sense of entitlement that makes him/her/it feel entitled to be outwith the rules for human decency.” Barry Cade

Warmist hyperbolists are claiming we're having incredible weather right now when, in fact, it's about usual for May going into June.
   'The deader the horse, the more it needs to be flogged' applies as much to climate swindles as to politics.

WEEK 2    Putin the ‘rocket’ into sprocket

 
Government Statistics vs The Truth
When she was SNP health sec., Wee Bee Sturgeon banned BOGOF deals on alcohol and claimed a 2.6% reduction in consumption.
   In fact, retailers just reduced unit prices and sales went UP by 6.5% over the first nine months of the ban.
   Humbug Useless' gang are now talking about trying the same scam with junk food BOGOFs.
“The SNP claims it's doing world leading stuff but since when did The World [population 8,000 million] take any notice of Scotland [population 5 million]?” A. Bolish

Just another Labour scam
A 4-day working week for 4 days' pay looks reasonable on the surface. But companies that pay their way; as opposed to the public sector; will have to take on Xtra staff to do the 20% of work that isn't being tackled and that will increase admin costs for the business.
   Lower profits? Screw more out of the customers? Which shall it be, Passworthy?

Doshan bunch of artefacts
The A.I. counterblast lobby reckons that the DoomBuggers have been watching too many sciffy films, such as the Terminator series. They have acquired a false set of values based on the imagination of writers and they wouldn't be able to spot real life if it bit their leg off.

Conflict Noos
++ Moscovicious stooges yell Foul! ++ Ukraine refuses to announce D-Day for its counter-offensive against invaders ++ Republicans accused of dumping sandbag on stage of US Air Force Academy which made Creaky Joe trip & fall ++ Democraps accused of living up to name by not spotting obvious hazard to navigation for a doddery 80-year-old ++ Putrid cuts off fresh water supply to Crimea by blowing up major dam to drown Ukrainians & create more refugees ++ Let them drink bottled, sez Moscovicious ++

The Labour MP for a Welsh constituency has been suspended from the party for organizing drinks outings for prostitutes @ taxpayer-subsidized bars in Parliament building.

Q: What's Pollen Tonybee's alibi for turning out how she did?
A: Having a drunken dad who was notorious for peeing in lifts, she has revealed as a plug for her book.

University cancel culture & their war on free speech are a major threat to democracy, the government free speech tsar is yelling.

Mission Impossible
To ginger up means to stuff ginger up a horse's bum to make it look lively to potential buyers. Smarmer? Nah, not even a stick of dynamite would make him look lively.

‘Bier Smarmer has the personality & charisma of a house brick', sez a former Labour MSP, who is now unsackable.
   Tell us something we don't kno, mate.

80% of voters think a Smarmer Labour government will bankrupt Britain but lots of headbangers will still vote for his mob ‘coz they hate the Tories so much and they have a broad masochistic streak and they think Society owes them a comfortable lifestyle for the sake of their mental 'elf.

9 Nits A-Picking
The Commons Standards Committee has so little useful to do with itself that it has been reduced to moaning at former minister & Tory Hancock's Half Hour for a totally trivial & insignificant breach of the rules. Useless bunch.
“Useless has definitely got to be voted the Word of the Year for 2023 as far as politics goes.” Zatia Imopec

Esso petrol in Romiley 139.9p/litre
Esso diesel in Romiley 141.9p/litre; approaching equemtocy!

Outdated Tenet
Railways & the Church are the best ways to get a man to his ultimate destination? Maybe in the 1950s & 1960s world of Thomas the Tank Engine, as created by the Rev. W. Awdry, but most definitely not with Woke Archybish Welby, Muck Lunch of the RMT & the ASLEEP bloke around.

“Will some genius be able to create a system that draws power out of hot air and store it before the Westmonster Wonders start hurling their wibble around on the road to the next general election? That would keep us going for about a decade.” Hugh Dunnit
“If A.I. systems turn out to be no smarter than the ‘uman nerds who are programming them, then we have nothing to worry about, extinction-wise. Nerds have an infinite capacity for creating screw-ups.” U.R.N. Titled

Saudi Arabia has joined the Just Stoppers by cutting oil production and raising prices to show solidarity with Team Putrid.
Bier Smarmer's plan to end North Sea oil & gas production has made him about as popular as The Scoffer. And sinking lower ever day he dithers.
"The Snackstabber's plan to cut income tax will do what for those with an income to low to have to pay it?", the customers are asking.
A ‘life' sentence for a 19-year-old terrorist wannabe is . . . 6 years? Where's the Trades Descriptions Act when you need it!
The Labour party is terrified by the prospect of thousands of snivel service jobs being replaced by A.I. systems. No ‘uman beans, no union subs, no bungs to the Labour lot.
How thrilled are the 1,700 people who were kept alive by lock-in to hear armchair pundits claim they should have been allowed to croak?
90 years since the first sighting of Nessie, the BierBC was trying to tell us. Conveniently ignoring the fact that the iconic surgeon's photo was Xposed as a fake yonks ago.

Smarmer's problem is that he doesn't have an instinct for what is right, and also for what needs to be done whether or not there is something in it for him. Or if he does, his training as a lawyer & politician leaves him able to ignore the right thing to do.

Equalizers needed!
Prison officers are demanding suits of armour & bazookas to fend off increasingly vicious attacks by the customers.
   In future, prisoners will be issued with finger-food in plastic pouches to deprive them of solid cutlery & tableware.
   A government prison service spokes offered some wibble about working hard.

Currently fashionable:
Scoffbuttalgia—a pain in the rear end Xperienced @ every mention of The Scoffer.

Q: Are there Stangarchs as well as Olliegarchs?
A: Not in this universe.

Cut the wibble
If an American A.I. really did choose to zap its handler rather than abort its attack mission in a simulation, that's nothing to do with the gadget. It's all down to the failure of the programmer to establish a clear command hierarchy which put the controller @ the top of the tree, gratuitously ignoring Asimov's First Law.
“That's always going to happen. The A.I. does something daft and the ‘umans yell at it rather than the useless ‘uman who botched the coding rules.” O. Ringe
The US Air Force has revealed that the BS about the drone is just a fantasy cooked up by the usual alarmists for their own devious reasons.

Boris Outflanks Partygate Pillocks
++ President Boris hoists 2 fingers to Harperson/Sugar Ray stitch-up ++ Made irrelevant ++ No Boris in club, nowt they can do to him ++ Resignation honours published & that was it ++ Orf out of reach of smear merchants ++ Kangaroos Kyboshed! ++
“Orf to make pots of money to support his 99 kids and orf to write his memoirs now that he's able to stick the knife in where & when he chooses.” Des E. Krate
“Is he going to call the book of memoirs Spare because that's what the wibbleforce was trying to drive him?” Luge Skybird
“Should be very readable if it's written by someone who has demonstrated an actual command of the English language.” S.N. Shal

++ Same sort of bollocks on anti-Trump front going on in USA ++ Wibble about classified docs a president is entitled to consult ++ Demo-totally-crap politics ++

Thugs on steroids?
Cabinet Office stooges were attempting to intimidate President Boris with threats of losing public funding for his Chinese plague inquiry legal advice if he didn't jump through their hoops. More thugs to boot in the memoirs.

All ambulance services in Greater Manchester have been abandoned after a 15-year-old on an e-bike rode into a parked ambulance and killed himself. He used vehicle Xclusion bollards to end police pursuit and so no blame can be attached to GM Police.

Hapless Hairy's gang has failed to turn up any evidence his phone was hacked. But he reckons if he thinks it was done, that's good enuff for a stonking compenbloodysation payment. Cute, or what!

Operation Midland nonce confecter Rod House, winner of this year's Worst Copper in the World Award, has been moved out of the honcho's office @ the Notional Crime Agency.
   He now has a back-office role. Translation: he's in a small office where he drinks tea & straightens paper clips all day whilst remaining invisible to the people who are still paying his overblown salary.

Q: How will Smarmer Labour manage to lavish cash when taxing only the rich?
A: By redefining rich as anyone with more than 50p in the bank or in a pocket.

The next government will be crap & spendthrift.
There is no escape.

Two children died last week after swimming near Bournemouth pier. The police impounded a pleasure boat even though they announced that there was no physical contact between the boat and the swimmers because the boat wasn't in the water at the time of the deaths, which are being blamed on a rip-tide.
   Why the grab? Coppers chucking their weight around because they can?

Prince Hairy, not having a good time in court versusing the Daily Mirror, to kill 25 KCs to equal his score in Afghanistan?
“What Hapless Hairy claims he believes is neither fact nor evidence.” Loeb Texan

After Scofflaw & Coleslaw, we now have Hairyslaw, which states that memories confected for dosh & claims confected for compenbloodysation do not have to be consistent.
“Bad people do bad things but, of course, it's never their fault.” Kieb Remeener

We are being softened up for a confected 30 deg.C temperature reading somewhere in the UK sometime soon.
   40 deg.C next week and 50 deg.C the week after?
“Despite all the hyperbole on the TV weather shows, we haven't had anything much in the way of Xtremes here. The Sun has been shining but that persistent wind has been stopping it from getting all that overpowering. Clouds socked in on Saturday nite to put an early end to the sunshine. In fact, today has been our first really, really warm day.” A.L.M.

Electricity prices make electric cars more Xpensive to use than proper ones and the Xtra weight; up to twice as much as a proper car with all them batteries; does more damage to road surfaces and creates more potholes for local councils to ignore.

Maybe it would be a good idea for the Snackstabber & others to stop posturing and pretending to be world leaders in combatting imaginary threats from A.I.s and get on with tackling the real ishues that are a problem right now.

Salvation at hand!
Enforcement squads are to patrol the country, injecting fatties with appetite blocking drugs to save the NHS cash & boost the economy by getting the newly created thinnies into a job.

It’s back!
The season opener was the BC Lions in Calgary. In the first half, Paredes missed a FG try wide left, then wide right, before he worked out that the ball needed to go straight down the middle. Meanwhile, it was Vernon Adams to Rhymes for a TD twice and 14-3 at the half.
   Another FG for the Stampeders after a pick in Q3 was followed by a TD for Adams and 22-6. One back for the Stamps, a FG for the visitors in the last minute, 25-15 final.

Friday Nite Football was all action. The TiCats opened against the Blue Bombers with a FG. The BB scored three TDs in the first half, including one at 0:00 on the clock in Q2, and the Cats managed a rouge, 4-21 at half time.
   Both teams did serious scoring in Q3, which reached 17-39 and it was obvious that the Cats were doomed to play catch-up. Their defence got them to 31-39 in Q4 but the BB added a FG for a final score of 31-42.

Sherie Zooms Back with Vital Questions & things
“Is the Scoffer really a homophile or is it just a cunning plot to divert attention from his many failings of character? Because he certainly seems devious enuff to pull a stroke like that.” R. Migallo
“Could it be that the government's desire to deprive the Chinese plague 'inquiry' of millions of irrelevant WhatsCrApp and other messages is an attempt to speed things up and deprive the legal trade of an Xcuse to spin it out for another year or two at the taxpayer's considerable Xpense?” N. Igma
“Maybe President Boris can channel the legendary Frank Zappa and call his memoirs Far Queue – Far Queue Very Much.” Wodja Wont
“If anything is going to be banned, it should be the formerly respected charity Oxfam, which is in the hands of seriously bad people now.” Kenny Population

Always going to happen . . .
The wheels have come orf Labour's plan to change The Planet's climate single-handedly and with no reference to the rest of its population by blowing £28,000,000,000 annually on cosmetic gestures, importing vast amounts of foreign oil & gas [probably from Putinstan, Ed.] and adding a percentage point artificially to the bank rate to make mortgages unaffordable and end the demand for new housing.
“The guy Smarmer's a lawyer. He don't kno nuffink about nuffink. He just sez anything he thinks will rake in a few bob to keep himself stocked up with beer.” Corrim Unish
Red Ed Milipede, Smarmer's joke climate guru & bacon sandwich Xpert, is relying for ideas on the gang of Just Stoppers on his payroll. Couldn't get anyone knowledgeable?

Labour is on course for a mudslide @ the next election, a megapollster reckons. Smarmer to be drowned in a sea of cess. Wunderbar!

Burney Busted!
In custody for 7 hours after her arrest over SNP financial ‘irregularities' but released without charge, like her husband.
“How many cups of Wee Bee tea did she get?” Thorne Panzer
“Burney was shocked & distressed, she sez. Thought she was fireproof over the missing 600 grand?” Will Avsom
“Wot about the right to silence, which gives suspects a right not to do themself in?” Hugh Gorra
[Can you imagine Burney keeping her gob shut for 7 hours? Ed.]

The Rat’s RoundUp
There's lotz of dosh to spare in Japan. There has to be if punters are willing to cough up £44 for a half-hour lesson in how to . . . smile?
Wildfires out of control in Quebec are giving Noo Yawk the Peking Xperience. Smog haze & hazardous air quality are the noo normal on America's east coast.
Only 20% of shoppers are refusing to buy branded products which reduce the amount in the packaging but not the price. Stop being mugs, the rest of you! Stand up to stealth shrinkflation!
The BierBC is in trouble for trying to convince under-7 kids that fish can change gender at will as part of the BierBC's support agenda for homophile month.
Everyone who watered their garden yesterday was left feeling like a mug when Weather Control decided we were due for thunder and a torrential downpour.

“Wehr-Wehr, we don’t care!”
Does anyone have a divine right to moan about the Snackstabber's footwear or his other accessories? He's rich and if he wants to do the economy a bit of good by splashing some cash around, that's entirely up to him.
   All the moaners do is Xpose their ludicrosity & socialist envy credentials, and their desperation to be noticed, and add themselves to the list of Idiots to Ignore.
[Which is in danger of becoming far too HUGE to be helpful! Ed.]

The Ottawa Red Blacks went East to Montreal for a fest of field goals after the Als scored a TD in the 3rd minute of the match. They added a FG in the closing stages of Q1, the RBs came back with a FG in the second minute of Q2 and ended the half at 6-10 with another.
   Fajardo continued to take a battering from the RB defence in Q3, which ended at 9-13. The RBs got close with a FG in Q4 for 12-13 but 2 more by the Als finished the match at 12-19.

Xtinctionate! Xtinctionate!
Crumbs! No wonder the Snackstabber has gone overboard on A.I.phobia. His tech guy is yelling that we have only 2 years to get A.I.s under control or we're dead. Maybe.

Lotz of punting to start the RoughRiders in Edmonton. DPI helped the RR to a TD after 6 minutes. The Antlers were held to a FG in the 14th minute, 7-3. But a monster pass from Cornelius a couple of yards out of his own end zone to Lewis at the start of Q2 put the Ants ahead. 7-10. Swiss cheese defence, FG for the RR, 10-all.
   Just a missed FG for the RR after a good return of the Q3 kick off. The Ants replied with a kick on target, 11-13. Another FG for the RR, 14-13. Another in the 4th minute of Q4, 17-13. The Ants were stopped at the RR 1 on 3 tries. No more scoring. Cudda Shudda.

Distinctly off-colour
Ofcom, the alleged meeja regulator, has given a free pass to all those of colour who wish to make disparaging remarks about the skin colour of the Royals if it doesn't match theirs.

Ofcom's decision to let ITV & Channel 4 show more adverts will mean they will show 28 minutes less news per day. But as hardly anyone watches their noos programmes, except for the bias checkers, no worries, mate!

Today’s Question or Dingo Recall:
How many millions of pounds will the Aussie government decide is due to a woman, now 55, who spent the last 20 years in gaol after being wrongly convicted of murdering her children?

Despite the Millennium Bug, gorbal warmage, Mexican Swine Flu, corrupt bliar labour, Gordon F. Broon & the Chinese plague, we're still here.
   Are we in danger from A.I. supercomputers?
   Not at all.
   The ludicrous green grotters like Smarmer are working hard to make sure there won't be enuff electricity around to power a phone, never mind a superdupercomputer.

Q: Why are they called the ludicrous left?
A1: Because they think Hapless Hairy is a warrior; or they pretend to, because he has a sense of entitlement bigger than all outdoors.
[As much a warrior as Corporal Jones of Dad's Army. Ed.]
A2: Because they will say things that are obviously total bollocks just to get themselves noticed.

Fiscal Tripe
An education think tank has confirmed that the Labour stealth tax scam for private schools used spurious data, ignored inconvenient legal facts & used dodgy methodology. And the really wealthy will be least impacted.
   The cash raised with be zero.
“This is a contribution to the Smarmer Net Zero 'strategy'?” B. Randisch
“Isn't Net Zero really a plan to abolish all access to the internet?” Biggar Nold
“Except for Labour party subscribers who are willing to let their posts be scrutinized by party stooges and padded with propaganda.” A. Chieve
“Like Smarmer's going to stop criminals from using the WWW.” Paula Sorted
“Even the boilermakers' union is telling Smarmer he needs sensible plans not knee-jerk bans on North Sea oil & gas.” Lossa More

No surprise that Sugar Ray is to be Xcused the rules on business appointments for snivel servants to get her on Team Smarmer ASAP.

Today's Triumph:
Boris Unchained! You can't get Boris if he's not there to be got!

From aboard the good ship Boris of the Border Agency fleet:

“No, I don't need to claim asylum, I'm your P.M.” Narmia Trine
“What do you mean, next stop Albania?” Florea Tijicar
“You can't send ME to Rwanda, I'm your boss!” Sir Nosher Eatwell
“You can see why they call him the Snackstabber if he's still doing it @ every opportunity.” Anton Bandito
“Shame he's not serious about completing the Brexit job & sorting out the snivel service.” Con Sequence

We are told by the PM's alleged tech Xpert that A.I.s could kill many people. How many? More than Putrid? The Chinese plague? Chairman Mao? A. Hilter? J. Stalin? G. Khan? We should be told if it's anything we need to be worried about seriously.
“What is the point of the West declaring a ban on A.I.s when China, Iran, North Korea, Putinstan, etc. will be doing a Wuhan with it?” Norra Nuther

	Grabbing bastards, clap-clap clap clap-clap Junior doctors are doing yet another 3-day strike for a stonkingly unaffordable 35% pay grab.
[Haven't we been here before? Ed.]

More Aah-Waa from AnAss
Scottish Labour is denying that the process for picking candidates for Parliamentary seats is rigged.
   So it must be true.

When in doubt, do nowt
Humbug Useless sees no reason why the arrested & released Wee Burney Sturgeon should be suspended by the SNP for damaging the party's image by her very presence.
   Sounds like Mr. Useless is busting a gut with a vengeance to live up to his name. And well qualified to do so.
“Maybe Mr. Useless thinks that the SNP's image has been so badly trashed by a decade & a half of relentless failure that nothing Burney is doing, or has done, can make a difference.” Brae Vart

The Krakatoa volcano is doing a bit of erupting again, hurling junk a couple of miles in the air to trigger some gorbal coolage.

North America or North Korea?
Ex-President Trump was in court yesterday on trumped up charges & released without the need for bail. It could take a year or more before the kangaroos get him back to court.
   How the bloody hell do the legal trade get away with this bollocks? Not just here & in the Untied States, but all over the place.

UseLessTN scams don't encourage healthier lifestyles for the victims. Lowering traffic access with barricades, etc., actually discourages walking & cycling, the Notional Audit Office Xperts have found.
   £3.3 BILLION of our money was handed to clueless councils between 2016 and 2021 with no requirement to monitor the LTNs to find out if the money was well spent. Another £3.3 BILLION will have gone down the same drain by March 2025.
   A spokes for the Dept. for Transport offered some wibble about doing more than any previous government.
[That would be doing more to waste taxpayers' money. Ed.]

The UN's refugee racket is using Hapless Hairy logic. It plans to Xport migrants to Rwanda but it's moaning that it's wrong for the UK to be allowed to do the same.

Q: Literary reimagining?
A: Passing off by a wonk with no talent, who has abused a real writer's title & characters.

The People’s Pillocks
Scottish government shoots self-catering holidays in the back of the head and dumps them in a ditch, is the view of those offering them after the Humbug Useless regime made a total bog of imposing a licensing system and let every council invent its own vexatious variations of the rules.
Rather predictably, Scotland's Net Zero Gold Rush is raising land prices & benefiting the wealthy and pushing people in rural areas deeper into poverty. And having zero effect on The Planet's climate, of course.

Fierce competition
The award for this year's Political Kangaroo of the Year has to go to ancient Labourite H. Harperson for her services in the field of bringing a parliamentary committee to the depths of contempt.
   Corporal Underpants would have dearly loved to take the prize but he made the fundamental blunder of declaring his Get Boris agenda and recusing himself.
   Harperson, however, felt entitled to declare Boris guilty without troubling herself with evidence and remained blatant & in charge of the Commons Privileges Committee, only to see her hopes crumble to ashes when President Boris took himself off the pitch.
“Sounds like she's in line for a Brass Neck of the Year award, too.” Todd Gerr

Public Service Announcement He's been called the Blogger of the Decade His intellect is matched only by the size of his luck and the size of his bank balance. And yet he manages to keep his Feet On The Ground with the greatest of ease. Do yourself a favour and find out what Xavier has had to say about what's going on Right Now!

WEEK 3    Putin the ‘con’ into consultant

 
Our Political Choice:
1. Sunackered, i.e. stabbed in the back by the current PM when he's not off somewhere saving The Planet from an imaginary threat,
2. Smarmered, i.e. showered with worthless promises by Corbynstein's Monster, a known serial liar & hippocrite.
“A ratbag who is noted for being as honest as short is long.” Z. Ashlogal

“Don't get ill this week, the Jr.Docs are back on strike. 135% more XS deaths?” Mal Practice

Wot’s wrong with the govt. No. 178
The Leveller, M. Gove, is wasting our money on thinking about a ban on artificial grass lawns. Shame politicians always have to focus on totally UseLES things.

Noble Art? No Blart?
No, nothing but Blart!
It's somewhat ironic that in this current Age of Woke & Mental Elves, we are also passing out of an Age of Illusion.
   Politicians have been thoroughly Xposed as vindictive, jealous [especially anyone called Harperson, Ed.], incompetent and just in it for what they can get out of it, in the main. The Illusion of Public Service has been shattered.
   Same with the police, who are unwilling to enforce the law if woke or ludicrous left obstructionists are involved, and too busy confecting imaginary hate crimes to tackle real crimes.
   And then there's the medical trade, which has stuffed the Illusion of Caring & Vocation into the dustbin of broken dreams. Doctors are just body mechanics now with the morals of an Arfur Daley. "Cost you an extra 35%, Guv! But well worth it. I give you my word on that."
Moral: If you reach death's door this week, pass directly through. Don't linger; it won't do you any good.

Q: Is P. Burrell, the eternal Princess Di cashinski, a big girl's blouse?
A: Little rather than big.

Today’s Wisdom:
The snivel service has learnt so much from past catastrophes that it doesn't even have to think before it goes into bog-it-up mode for something new.

Corporal Underpants, a.k.a. C. Bryant, original honcho of the Get Boris Kangaroo Court, has finally realized that President Boris holds a Parliament containing Bryant & H. Harperson in contempt. Talk about failing to grasp the bleedin' obvious when you're responsible for it.

Why does Harperson have it in so much for President Boris? We can't top the explanation offered a couple or three months ago. She's jealous of him. She's been in the Commons for donkey's years but she hasn't achieved anything. She hasn't written any books or created anything worth while.
   Not nuffink in the way of a legacy. And that is what is driving her nutz!

The DVLA skivers are going on strike again. But will anyone notice if the ‘service' is calamitous at the best of times?

Q: Why was there little doubt that N. Mandela, commie revolutionary, would be convicted of sabotage & conspiracy when he was put on trial in 1963?
A: Being guilty as hell might have had something to do with it.

Hey! Hey! striking for pay!
How many folks have you killed today?

Sherie Socks It To Us . . .
“What they need to do is give non-police the right to bust coppers who fail to apply Xisting laws to Just Stoppers and other law-breakers.” A. Reader
“And allow them access to tasers & water cannons to use on the ones who are woke beyond a joke.” Ahmed Armed
“Don't get to death's door this week. The Notional Health isn't pretending to be a Service.” Franq Fert
“Isn't it great, having an imaginary Far Right to the police & security services to use as an Xcuse for ignoring dangerous nutters?” , Prem Ontario
“Parliament used to be called a talking shop. Not any more it's not. Especially if you want to talk about the Kangaroo Court that stitched up President Boris.” Vinter Mangle

Pillocks On Parade
According to the NHS Confederation, a guidance confecter currently honcho'd by tony b. liar bogey M. Taylor at HUGE Xpense to the taxpayer, NHS staff should be given priority over customers.
   This means that if the customers get uppity and start objecting to their treatment, e.g. women not wanting to be pawed by a bloke claiming to be a woman, they're in big trouble.
   Rainbow flags & pronouns should be given prominence in the name of inclusivity and everyone normal should be shoved to the back of the queue; or even Xcluded from it, if they object.

The Britisch police are scruffy wonks who aren't doing the job they're paid to do, sez the Chief Inspector of Constabulary, A. Cooke, a former Merseyside Chief Con.
   Is it any comfort to know that the French police can also be useless? E.g. the ones who failed to shoot dead, the Syrian nutter with a knife in Annecy, who was attacking toddlers? Not really.

Telling it like it is The useless gangs of Just Stoppers & the like have made useless police farces waste £3 MILLION per month of our money on not stopping them from being vexatiously & illegally obstructive.

As usual, those responsible are lying
The Canadian government might be blaming all the wildfires on lightning [which is due to climate variation, let us not forget, Ed.] and also careless campers but we know what the real cause is. It's the universal neglect of forest management and the failure to clear away dead wood & scrub, the fuels for Big Conflagrations.

School kids are to be banned from calling teachers ‘Sir' or ‘Miss' as appropriate in case they run into a Sir who's pretending to be a Miss.

Intended Recipient
Dear Sir, Madam & all the rest are to be banned. ‘Dear' implies either an inappropriate emotional attachment or an implication that the recipient is overpriced and not worth it.
   As for a title like ‘Sir' or ‘Madam', it makes unwarranted assumptions about the recipient and has to go on diversity grounds.
[At this point, our contributor lost the will to live. Ed.]
“Well, you can't call someone Mister, can you? It sounds like you're starting to call them Miss only to chicken out half-way through.” Per Plexx

Hapless Hairy has an imaginative rival?
How impressed are you by this? A bloke who used to be a Pentagonian is claiming the US government has bodies from dead aliens whose spacecraft crashed somewhere in America but he can't offer anything in the way of proof 'coz those sneaky guys @ Area 51 have got everything too well hidden.
   Whether or not you take any notice of him has to depend on how desperate you are for a conspiracy, even one that's been done to death for decades.
[Over a century, if you take any notice of the claim that the then Pope covered up a 19th century UFO incident in Italy. Ed.]

TNF—the Stamps in the nation’s capital
3rd & goal @ the CS 4; no cigar for the RedBlacks. Their first score was a rouge from a punt toward the end of Q1. The Stamps finished the quarter with a TD for Begelton., +2, 8-1. A loose ball from a scramble gave the CS defence a TD, 15-1.
   A fumble recovery in the 9th minute set up a FG for the RBs, 15-4. An exchange of picks in the 12th minute! A 70-yard punt return in the last minute by Chambers got the RBs a TD +2, 15-12.
   A TD for the Stamps the 9th minute of Q3 put them 22-12 ahead. The RBs missed a FG try for nowt to close Q3. A rouge after 7 minutes of Q3, 23-12, a FG after 11 minutes, 23-15. One back for the Stamps with 2:30 left, 26-15. And that was it.

If you can see it, the chances are it ain’t real
Have you got enuff to worry about? How about deep fake videos produced in Putinstan deciding who forms the next government here? Of course, rogue A.I.s will get the blame.
“How do we know the BierBC isn't doing it with its deep fake A.I. already?” Tom Bowler

Q: ESG?
A: Environmental Scam Grifters. All the windmills & no oil or gas, and all the rest of the green scams. Including cigarette manufacturers claiming their company is a place to make an ethical investment.

A Quick Flash from Sherie
“What they need now is a new name for the Notional Health Service as it isn't providing a service any more.” Albut Yoven
“Smarmer Labour, soft on crime, in the pockets of the people encouraging it.” Trez Munsch
“Police chiefs don't need more clarity about what the law says, they just need to bloody well get on with the job they're overpaid to do.” N. Gestr

FNF—the Bombers vs the Riders
The BB opened the scoring with a FG, a TD for the Riders the 12th minute, 3-7. A great end zone catch by Schoen in Q2, 10-7. A good return of a missed FG try set up a TD for Collards with 2 minutes to half time, 17-7. One back for the Riders in the last minute, 17-14.
   The Riders went ahead 3 minutes in to Q3 with a TD, 17-21. DPI in goal. Charge! from the 1, TD after 8 minutes, 24-21. Terrible tackling and a long punt return gave Brown a TD, 31-21. The RR kicked a FG in the last minute of Q3, 31-24.
   Charge! from the 1 four minutes in to Q4, 38-24. The RR kicked a FG at the half-way mark, 38-27. Another TD for the BB made the final score 45-27.

Borrow & Waste still planned
Q: What do you get when Labour comes up with a £28 BILLION green growth scam?
A: Their Chancellor wannabe announces that it can't be done for 5 years, if ever, as it's daftly unaffordable and her crystal ball is unreliable.

Natch, Red Ed Milipede, Smarmer's green bod who led Labour to stunning defeat in 2015, is all for blowing all the money in the world on anything that's totally useless and Smarmer has no problem with letting him.
“Maybe they should just lay Red Ed flat on some suitably boggy bit of ground, put the Edstone on top of him and walk away.” 4 Midable

All talk & no action, as usual?
The government is talking about cracking down on online junk fees & the drip pricing for Xtras imposed by the likes of el cheapo airlines. But will the snivel service be inclined to get off its collective fat arse & actually do anything useful in the way of imposing new rules?

The knee has jerked & the post of Lord Chief Justice is to be occupied by a female when the current incumbent hangs up his wig & fancy outfit.
   Natch, the taxpayer will be done for an enormous sum when the stationery has to be reprinted for a Lady Chief Justice.
   A job which will have to be redone all over again when the job goes to a nondescript instead of a bloke or a bird, in pursuit of the current pointless wonk agenda.

There is severe competition for the Scumbag of the Month tag between the noxious Harridan Harperson & B. Jenkin, a Tory on the Commons privileges committee, who has been Xposed as a lock-in party goer and a hippocrite for whingeing about President Boris doing it. Six wet months in the stocks would be appropriate.

Q: Does delusional Prince Hairy have Wee Burney's Disease or is the vice versa?
A: Anybody's guess!

Prethetic Virtue Flagging
The Advisory Council for Lazy Gardeners (ACLG) has told the customers to stop digging their garden & attacking weeds with a spade 'coz it Xposes carbon in the soil to oxygen in the air to form carbon dioxide, which causes gorbal warmage.
   How does the amount generated by British gardens compare to the amount of carbon dioxide coming out of Chinese & Indian coal-fired power stations?
   Embarrassed silence from the ACLG.
“Not digging puts carbon back into the soil, we're told. In cosmetic amounts that won't make a scrap of difference if you add up the contributions from the entire Britisch Isles. But that's what the gorbal warmage scam is all about. Feeling good about illusions instead of actual achievements.” Captain Obvious
[See the rant about blart at the start of Week 3. Ed.]
“Edstone Milipede claims that on-shore wind farming is both cheap & clean. Natch, neither claim from a politician is true. Subsidy city for the occasional doses of power, unrecyclable turbine blades stacked everywhere in due course, ect., ect.” Plus Paygrade

The Antlers in Vancouver on Saturday Nite
The Ants had a shock, not making a 3rd & 1 but no defensive TD for the Lions. Nearly for the Ants toward the end of Q1, nearly for the Lions 2 minutes in to Q2, just a FG, 0-3.
   A pick by the EA defence ended up with a fumble back to BC in the 9th minute. Another fumble gave the BC another FG, 0-6. And they had time left for another, 0-9 at half time.
   Another FG in the 3rd minute of Q3, 0-12. TD BC at the end of the quarter, 0-19. FG in the 10th minute, 0-22. And that's a shut-oat.

The BierBC claims it's trying to recruit a diversity of outlook to dilute slightly the endemic ludicrous left & Bremoaner outlook.
[This comment arrived with the last word typo'd as 'outluck', which sounds pretty accurate. There will be a token effort which will achieve nothing, the BierBC will decide it's out of luck as far as solving this particular ishue goes and give it up as a bad job. Ed]

Q: Why was the life-saving Heimlich Manoeuvre renamed? someone asked a newspaper guru.
A1: Because someone realized that it had been accidentally named after Heimlich Himmler.
A2: The American Red Cross threw a hissy fit @ Dr. Heimlich but his unblocker for a human windpipe hasn't been renamed anywhere important.

Reality Bites
Hands up everyone who has ever told Labour's EU toady D. Lammy "I miss the constant, predictable role that the UK plays in upholding the rule of law."
   No takers? Surprise!

If how the government handled the Chinese plague was a product of Brexit, as the Bremoaners are telling the 'inquiry', no worries about the next pandemic. Brexit is over and done with.

Scaremongering on steroids
The latest scare story is that people going to the Chinese plague inquiry junkets stand a good chance of getting a dose of the Chinese plague.

More Brexit Wibble
Just how seriously can you take an 'inquiry' into the government's handling of the Chinese plague [which is just a multi-year earner for the legal trade, Ed] if the Bremoaner whingers are yelling from Day One that the plague happened because of Brexit?
“It's very strange that all the plague rage here is directed at the government and there aren't yelling mobs outside every Chinese consulate & official presence & residence every day of the week.” S.M. Armour
“The headline sums it up. What do you get from a bloke with a fancy title in a weird wig? Wibble. Nowt else.” Reggie Side

Q: Should you believe anything the Snackstabber tells you?
A: Not if there's a Saturday in the month.
Q: Huntingdonshire District Council, which has shoved its CTax up by 142% in real terms over the last 30 years, sez it keeps only 7% of the CTax collected. What does it do with the rest?
A: Blows it on gambling & riotous living to avoid having to spend anything on pothole repairs & anything useful.
Q: Why is Bier Smarmer so keen on stopping the use of oil & gas, and also on flooding the UK with migrants?
A: It's all part of the Labour Green Power Plan. Redundant government offices will be filled with exercise bikes connected to generators and the migrants will spend 8 hours per day, 4 days per week, pedalling to meet the nation's electricity demand.
Q: Why was Queer Smarmer never charged over Biergate & fined for breaking the rules as Boris was for cakegate?
A: Because it happened in Labour territory where the police kno what's good for them.
Q: Why do Labour & the snivellers have it in for Tory MP Nadine Dorries?
A: Because she's a Scouser who made the effort to make something of herself & her success shames Labour's layabouts.

Sunday Nite: Hamilton in T’ronno
An end zone pick by the Argos stopped a long TigerCat drive. Kelly went in for a TD after 13 minutes to add to a touchback single, 0-8. A TD for the Cats in the 5th minute of Q2, but no +2. 6-8. Another short yardage TD by Kelly, 6-15. Mitchell was picked again in the TA end zone in the 14th minute. Kelly went in for his 3rd TD in the last minute, 6-22.
   Q3 was score-free. Mitchell was dinged in the 6th minute of Q4. TD for Harris in the 9th minute, 6-29. Schiltz fired a TD pass with a couple of minutes to go; great one foot down catch; +2, 14-29. A FG for the Argos made the final score of their season opener 14-32.

Sail along our iconic local river
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Excursions & Local Joining Points
Romiley Afloat, 4c Riverside Landings

Only a kangaroo court would declare itself immune from criticism and punish dissenters.

Slack attitude
Only 67% of the customers think big supermarkets rip them off with fancy prices @ small stores like our Sainsbury Local in Romiley, according to a survey by Which? magazine.
   Which means what? That 33% of the customers are idiots who can't spot a rip-off?

Heads Must Roll
354 kangaroo worshippers in the House of Clots.
Only 7 MPs with working brain cells.
289 just making up the numbers & a complete waste of space? Well, not quite as big a waste as the kangaroo crowd.
“Boris is well out of it. He'll be okay come the revolution but will there be enuff lamp posts for the rest of them? Should we be looking for alternatives right now?” Con C. Quence
“Ain't nothing more poisonous than an old fashioned jealous rage.” Inter Minable

There are always consequences
Could it be that the Snackstabber is shooting his mouth off too much about being the guy to see off A.I.s? The really smart ones will have him in their sights, and he won't have much of a chance against them!

A Quick Shriek from Sherie
“Just what the treacherous Snackstabber needs, Boris outside the tent pissing in. No one to blame but himself, though. What goes around . . .” R. Goddit
“Why shouldn't the Tory PARTY have a party if the Biery Smarmer has regulation-busting biery booze-ups?” Jeffrey Paid
“Those Jr.Dox are taking the piss by the tankerload if they Xpect 35% more this year or more than 49% more pay next year.” Laxative M. Bernous
“Hospitals are going to have to be rebranded as hospices if the doctoring trade has given up on us.” W.A. Shington

People who work with A.I.s are being positioned as insomniac drunks in an attempt to put people off the job. That's the propaganda on offer in the Untied States & the Far East.

Pit, bottomless
It's all very well claiming for First Meenister Humbug Useless to claim that Scotland deserves the best of everything but that's not what he and the rest of the SNP have delivered over the last decade and a half of assorted shenannygoats.
   Despite enormous subsidies from English taxpayers.
“Has Mr. Useless managed yet to Xplain how the SNP plan to fund their IndyRef agitation after Wee Bee and her old man 'lost' the cash they were going to use to pay for it?” Ty Raid

The lowest forms of animal life on the planet, according to a recent survey, are now strikers, MPs, Bremoaner Blobists and everyone connected with the legal trade.
   DO NOT give any of them the benefit of the doubt (or anything else) ever.

What’s behind the A.I. scare story agenda?
The polluters of the water industry are behind some of it. They want to stop the use of A.I. technology to monitor waterways to find out what they're really up to, to expose their failings and to increase the amount they have to cough up in fines for spreading filth.

Top Secret! Do NOT read this!
Apparently, having the Sun shining on them has caused over-subsidized & inadequately robust solar converters to overheat, croak & stop generating over-priced electricity.
   Coal-fired power stations have had to be fired up to bridge the gap and meet the demand occasionals can't.
   But don't tell queer smarmer. He won't want to hear an uncomfortable truth.
Net Zero benefit to the nation
“Nah, won't bovver him. Queer Smarmer is a lawyer, which means the truth is anything that gives him a payday. Which is why he's prepared to wreck the country by failing to use our oil & gas reserves if it gives him bungs from the occasionals industry.” Romiley Ron

Heads Must Roll
£100 MILLION
That's how much was blown on preliminary pass-the-buckery before we even got to the wibble from the bloke who's the head legal vulture on the Chinese plague 'inquiry', who was blaming everything on Brexit in his opener. There is no Xcuse for that.
“Just how do they go about picking a legal vulture to be the honcho of something like this junket? A guy like Keefy Malarky, who wants to make a pandemic all about Brexit instead of mass slaughter from China. How come the customers don't have a right to object to paying for someone who's obviously puddled?” Pretam Anger
“Will the 'inquiry' achieve anything more than a new car & posh summer holidays for the vultures? Don't put any money on that. Will there be anything left of all the bucks after they've been passed and passed around endlessly? Or is that the whole point of the Xercise; making the bucks disappear by dilution?” Dafty McDaftname
“The only thing holier than thou about B. Jenkin, the Borisgate bullshitter MP, is his socks.” Shiny McBoots

Ah-Waa – Another Ass
Penguin Books now puts trigger warnings on its ishues of the Xcellent works of P.G. Wodehouse to warn those new to them that they might be a bit outdated if they were written a century ago about life a century ago, and a reader who is too dim to know this might become distressed.
   But WTFH else would any intelligent person Xpect other than early 20th century values?

Go Ebbels, Go Ebbels, Gone, Gone, Gone
“This is not a complaint but we don't seem to have heard anything ludicrous/prethetic from the BierBC's gobnarzi for a while. I suppose it's too much to hope that he's been put down or he's had a brain cell transplant.” Gan Davol
[He's most likely on holiday to give his scriptrotters time to come up with some new ways to be gratuitously offensive. Ed.]
“Maybe we could have him sacrificed at the summer solstice sunset; i.e. today; by a buncha weirdos?” Con Tigual
“That would make some great TV. Especially if they bothered him with bees or other stinging insects before they gave him what for.” Arnie Gallo
[That would be quite sadistic if applied to a normal person rather than one of the entitled. So it's probably advisable in this case. Ed.]

Q: Whatever happened to 6-quid specs?
A: They now cost 15 quid. Superflation, or what!

if the Govester does a meaningless apology for Tory party staff socializing with workmates during lock-in? At least they didn't go swanning from one end of the country to the other when they knew they had a dose of the Chinese plague like that entitled-female SNP MP.
“Gove is being an idiot. The parties didn't put any Xtra pressure on the NHS by spreading the Chinese plague. They had zero effect on the NHS & a positive effect on the morale of the staff concerned. Which makes Gove's hand-wringing is just hippocrisy and pandering to Horrid Harmperson's poisonous agenda.” Dylan Bical

The bloke who bogged up the economy when honcho of the Bonk of England is doing a belated 'not me, gov'. M. Carney is trying to put the blame on Brexit. And being showered with well-deserved derision.

One does get a feeling that there is a lot lacking in the literary world when a fan fiction version of the Charles Dickens novel David Copperfield in a modern wonk setting is thought to be awardworthy.

Advertisement Mr. Wydey’s Book List Highly Recommended Reading, Authors worth pursuing & some Awful Warnings, Hundreds of Bux listed!

WEEK 4    Putin the ‘die’ into dietary & dieversity

 
Q: Will deliberately building a diverse & gender-neutral perversion of a fighting force give the Britisch Army a unique edge over the forces of a totalitarian state in a war, as General P. Sanders, the honcho, is claiming?
A: In yer dreams. A wonk Army will be rolled up & flattened in record time.
“Sanders should be sacked for having his eye off the ball. It's as simple as that.” Genral Qualters

How do you equalize petrol & diesel prices? If you're Esso, you stick 2p on the price of petrol to make both cost 141.9p/litre.

£36,666.67 per year
That's how much a £500K mortgage will go up if the interest rate hits 10%.

Easily Done or Burney Blah
"I kno beyond doubt that I am in fact innocent of any wrongdoing," sez WeeB. How does she know that?
   Because the last thing she did before quitting as First Meenister was to give herself a Presidential Pardon for all her crimes against humanity?

Untied Tsarist
Orating in his bubble, the Director of the BierBC, General T. Davie, has announced that his fief has had a good year, bias-wise. Clearly, no one has dared to tell him about the gobnarzi in the woodshed.

Q: Is Harridan Harperson ever likely to get over President Boris pulling the plug on her kangaroo court and putting her back in the Totally Irrelevant box?
A: Maybe in a million years. Maybe not. Especially if the newspaper sleuths can prove that Boris didn't do anything her kangaroos weren't doing during lock-in. Especially the Jenkin hippocrite.
“Scrovato to the max!!"” Bren Gatling

Don’t believe anything this guy sez
Despite effectively stealing £400 million as UseLEZ fines, London's cosmetic mayor, Sadgeek K'han't, is claiming the scam is going to end up making a loss in line with Labour's general policy of tax & waste.

The SNP's minimum pricing policy is being blamed for driving serious addicts to stronger spirits & street drugs, especially homeless beggars. The same data is also being used to prove that the policy is a howling success.

Sherie Again
“Why can't the Snackstabber make jokes about transpicaters? When did they become sacred cows?” Cal Illustrade
“Six wet weeks in the stocks for everyone who indulges in 'save the planet' malarky.” K. Lose
“Brilliant choice for Scotland. Either the SNP making a bog of things or Labour making a bog of things.” Gavin X. Ecrate

Dosh Matters (yes, it really does)
Jr.Docs in Scotland have turned down a 14.5% pay offer. 20.5% too little.
Scams on the aptly named FakeBuk cost UK families £250 MILLION per year and rising.
The RNLI is facing a funding crisis as former donors give their cash elsewhere as a protest against lifeboats being used as taxis for uninvited migrants.

Labour as a Fifth & Sixth Column
How is buying oil & gas from foreign regimes & having to pay to transport petroproducts here to the UK more sensible than Xtracting resources from our on- and off-shore reserves and giving employment to people here by doing the refining & processing here?
   Apply spin from a politician in the pocket of the occasionals industry and with an anti-Britisch agenda, and it turns out to be the only way to go.

As ‘smart’ as meters?
If the UK is responsible for 1% of global carbon dioxide emissions, then Net Zero here will have practically Net Zero effect on the global climate.
   As for the concept of 'smart zero'; what's 'smart' about diverting vast amounts of taxpayers' dosh to cosmetic political posturing instead of spending it on projects of actual benefit to the poor old taxpayer?
   What we need is 'meaningful zero', which can include an anti-pollution agenda and a severe crackdown on the likes of water companies and other major offenders.

If everyone thinks of you as Humbug Useless, is being eclipsed by Wee Burney Sturgeon's woes over disappearing cash any sort of handicap?
“What are Scots talking about? Whether 10 years is a generation, IndyRef-wise, or how long Wee Bee will go to gaol for? No doubt Ed. will say 'zero years if the fix goes in' or summat similar.” Ed Stone
[Unless he's made redundant by wiseguy correspondents. Ed.]

Don't get ill, don't get injured. The Jr.Dox are staying on strike until they get their 135%, preferably backdated 20 years.
Teachers are also striking but they're keeping their demands secret so they can claim anything they're offered ain't enuff.

++ Harmperson lynch mob found guilty of systematic abuse of due process & lack of impartiality ++ Contempt for due process & Parliament now entrenched in new normal ++
“If you have a good word for an MP, it's usually one that starts with the letter 'f'.” Bite Yerarmoff

The Commons Treasury Committee has spotted that the tax system is make-work for snivel servants & designed to defraud taxpayers with endless vexatious complications, something our present Chancellor, that Hunt bloke, encouraged by abolishing the Office of Tax Simplification.
DO NOT EVER TRUST HIM!

Q: Why have cigarettes not been banned?
A: Treating smoking-related conditions will consume £2.6 BILLION of this year's NHS budget. Tobacco taxes will raise £10.4 BILLION. It's an obvious non-starter.

Fabulous All-Season Hanging Baskets A Stunning Display of Colour the Year Round The Hue For YOU! Full spectrum choice 100% recycled and will last for decades T.M. Plants of Romiley, 31b Riverside Drive

Absence of malice is no excuse?
We got a lot of wibbly headlines which put the blame for the loss of the submersible Titan on the RMS Titanic. Which leaves us wondering how an inanimate object which was wrecked over a century ago is at fault for human nosiness & fawlty engineering in this century.
“No doubt there will be even more nosy humans venturing into the depths to eyeball what's left of another wreck near what's left of the Titanic.” Dixon Dojo

Warning to all aliens—being on the same planet as Horrid Harmperson could cause severe & lasting damage to your mental 'elf.

Ice cream vans are being driven into Xtinction by local councils, which see them as cash cows to cough up dosh for tax 'n' waste scams.

Q: Why can you not get an appointment with an NHS GP even more at the moment?
A: Because they're too busy sending out pointless texts telling customers to drink plenty of water in hot weather and stay out of the sun.

Six African nations that make money out of letting visiting killers take hunting trophies home are yelling that a UK ban would turn them into even more vexatious aid junkies and result in elephants being driven into Xtinction.

To be accurate: NHS customers in Northern Ireland, Scotland & Wales do not get free prescriptions. Their perk is paid for by English taxpayers.

Something dodgy in the bushes
The US government is refusing to reveal whether Hapless Hairy lied about his drug habits to get a visa or had a convenient blind eye turned. The presumption is that the brick wall is in place to conceal where & how the fix went in and who is involved. Possibly Creaky Joe?

Q: Would the world be a better place if everyone who claims to be an influencer were put up against a wall & shot?
A: Marginally, probably. It's certainly worth trying.

The Snackstabber is using the costa living crisis created by the Gov. of the Bonk of England as an Xcuse for a U-turn on his planned ban on BOGOFs.
An effectiveness assessment found that the policy would reduce food intake by just THREE calories per day. That's 0.15% of the recommended male intake of 2,000 calories/day, and well into Net Zero Effect territory.

Unfortunate comparison
A Labour councillor who got himself bunged in gaol for a while for contempt of court by making a public nuisance of himself was likened to N. Mandela by his colleagues.
   Nice Bunch! Calling the Xhibitionist a commie terrorist!

Q: How gibloodynormous is the Smarmer/Reeves U-turn on blowing £140 BILLION of our dosh on greenwash?
A: Imagine a letter U that would reach from the Sun to the planet Neptune or Pluto, whichever is farther from the Sun.
Q: How come the BierBC isn't mocking them about it?
A: The clue is in the name—Bier . . BC.
“Net Zero benefit to the nation - that's what all of Smarmer's anti-Britisch policies have on offer.” Sadam Gester

Just Be Blatant
What's a good way to get rid of plastic waste? Incinerate it to generate electricity and call it 'green power'.
   Cute, or what!
“And the Net effect on the global climate is what? Still Net Zero. So . . . so what's all the fuss about?” Sal O'Mander

The Bobby on the Beat is effectively Xtinct in large parts of the country. Mainly in the ones run by Labour. Despite all the promises of a return to real police work, the coppers are too busy confecting imaginary hate crimes to venture out of doors.

Q: They say you can't succeed in politics until you can fake sincerity. Is Bier Smarmer every likely to manage this? Or is he doomed to drown in the fire bucket of failure.
A: Fire bucket fodder. Him and the rest of his gang

Thursday Nite Footie: BC @ the Bombers
The BB took a FG from their opener. A Charge! from up close put the Lions 7-3 ahead. They went 10-3 up in Q2. The BB managed a FG in the last minute. Which left the Lions with enough time for another TD and 17-6. It was 23-6 to start Q4. Collards was getting no mercy from the BC defence, which got a pick from a bobbled pass after 5 minutes, TD pass by Adams, 30-6. Sack number 6 on Collards, no more scoring. Them Lions really mean it this season.

The Alouettes in Hamilton on Friday
A big pass to White looked promising, just a FG from it, 0-3. Another FG, 0-6. A punt return for a TD put the Als ahead, 7-6. A big pass, Fajardo to Mack, put the Als 14-6 ahead. A pick by Evans as the half ran out set up a TD sneak by Fajardo, 21=6. The Cats had time enough for a FG to go 21-9.
   Another FG 8 minutes in to Q3, 21-12. Fajardo fired a pass to the TC 10, TD for Mack to follow, 28-12. A pick by the Als' defence in Q4 gave them a TD after 8 minutes.35-12. The offence added a FG with 2 minutes to go, 38-12 final.

Putin the Boot in to Putin
Statement: Putin the Poisoner is working in the Kreml.
Translation: He's in a bunker under 225 feet of concrete 14 miles away.

Early start to pantomime season in Putridstan?
Your war against Ukraine isn't going at all well. What do you do? If you're Putrid, you pay your mercenaries to pretend to mutiny so that you can give yourself a pretend victory for the TV cameras.
“How can a bunch of foreign mercenaries getting stroppy with a dicktater be called a civil war? Except by idiots.” Jackny Colson
“Bit of a laugh, really, the Vagner bandits thinking they're got more chance of beating Putinstan than Ukraine.” Jet I. Sun
“No one got kilt. That's the giveaway. Sham, Sham, Scam.” Upadok Putrida

Dosh Disgrace
An ungrateful nation is having to cough up £182 MILLION/year in golden goodbyes to discarded snivel servants & quangocrats. The government is making noises about capping exit packages @ £95K. But 95p seems a lot more reasonable to the people who have to pay the failed grabbers.
“Maybe imposing penalties on snivel service managers is the answer. The ones who hire the wrong people, give them a golden hello and then have to sack them and hand out a golden goodbye to compound the crime.” Maple White

Some mercenary is threatening to have a go at Moscovicious with his 25,000-strong private army. Cue Putrid the Poisoner taking them out with 4 or 5 small nukes and putting the blame on Ukraine?

A tax the customers can approve of
Massive profits are being generated by the banks. Big payouts are going to staff & shareholders. Miserable ones to savers. Deferably a case for an immediate & retrospective windfall tax applied mercilessly.
   Let us not forget that it was the poor old taxpayer who had to bail out the banks in 2008 after the Broon Crash inflicted by Gordon F. Broon's economic disasters.

Humbug Useless is going into the Guinness Book of Records as the only SNP First Meenister who hasn't had his collar felt by Polis Scotland. Unless he's found out, of course.

Q: Does reality matter any more?
A: Not in the context of A.I. That silly story about the video game drone that ‘killed' its handler when he tried to abort a kill mission is being used by every A.I. DoomBugger even though it never happened in real life.

Another Green scam
Delivery firms are trying to bamboozle the public into abandoning home deliveries in favour of mass dump-offs @ shops, petrol stations, etc. to put the final collection step on the customer.
   Cheaper for the delivery firm, same price for the customer plus the inconvenience of lugging something big & heavy; e.g. a giant bag of sand; back home.
“At least you won't get something portable drop-kicked onto the garage roof. Unless you do it yourself.” H. Useful

Warfare using A.I.s instead of nuclear weapons is being talked up as a Good Thing as it will just leave conquered territory full of dead enemy humans and occupy-able rather than radioactive for centuries.
The Snackstabber is going to throw £100 MILLION of our dosh @ the not-so-great Just Stop A.I.s Swindle.
The London councils which are trying to ban ice cream vans on spurious environmental grounds are not Xperiencing a popularity surge. Well! Who'da thunk it!
The government has felt the need to order mainly Labour councils to stop putting Britisch citizens at the bottom of the list for council houses and giving priority to migrants.

If you hear a lot of clunking noises, that's the submersibles Xperts establishing their 'proof' that the Xperimental 5-seater that went for a look at the Titanic wreck was a disaster waiting to happen. And one that would have been avoided had the Xpert concerned been consulted.

Saturday Nite: The Riders in Calgary
Nearly a TD from the Stampeders' opener, just a long FG instead. After some punting, the Stamps had several shots at recovering a RR fumble; and didn't! On to a FG and 3-all in the 12th minute. Another FG 3 minutes in to Q2, 3-6.
   The Stamps got the ball from a tipped pass early in Q3 but the Riders returned a pick to the CS 1! Charge! 9-6. A 52-yard TD pass to Henry gave the lead back to the Stamps, 9-13. A rouge from a punt, 10-13. Wide open Jones in for a TD to end the quarter @ 17-13. An end zone pick stopped the CS 3 minutes in to Q4. Charge! from the 1, 23-13. The Stamps got to & goal, TD, 23-20. Game was tied by a FG from Paredes with 11 seconds left.
   OT. 23-26. 26-all. 29-26. An end zone pick; the Riders win!!

Let Nation speak Wibble unto Nation
The BierBC is doing its best to confect data to 'prove' that the UK had the worst death rate from the Chinese plague in the whole of Europe. Probably more of the endemic anti-Brexit & Get Boris agenda.
The BierBC is also inviting us to accept that a handful of migrants from the Carribean (compared to the population here) rebuilt the post-war UK economy unaided.

From the Royal Ascot spy-cam & bugging system . . .

The Argos in Edmonton
A best punt return of the season then some dashing by Cornelius set up the first TD. The Argos got level in the 13th minute. A pick by Purifoy 4 minutes into Q2 put the Antlers 7-14 up. The Argos replied with a FG, 10-14. A rouge and a late TD put the visitors 18-14 ahead, leaving enough time for a FG and 18-17 at half time.
   A TD, +2 by Kelly, put the Argos 26-17 ahead in Q3. Another TD after 8 minutes, 33-17. A fumble by the Ants handed the Argos a FG, 36-17. A fumble @ the TA goal-line by the Ants, groan, no TD. A pick by Puriifoy was negated by a pick-6 by the Argos, 43-17, Boo Birds out @ Commonwealth. Another big punt return by Simms, TD in the 12th minute, 43-25. An amazing scramble & pass by the back-up QB Doege, a TD in the last few seconds for the Antlers, no +2, 43-31 final.

Heads needing to roll
The Economic Establishment is getting the blame for the sad state of the nation's finances. It was wrong to print loadsa money, and completely wrong with its interest rate strategy.
Bier Smarmer is being blamed for the rise in the bank rate from 4.5% to 5%.
The message coming out of the Chinese plague ‘inquiry' is that no one had a clue how to respond to it and the ‘Xperts' & top civil servants were particularly clueless.

Q: If cat-kids are allowed to say ‘meow' to a teacher when asked a question, what should a kid who identifies as one of the moons of Jupiter do?
A: Make vague hissing noises to imitate electromagnetic static?

Any old Xcuse will do
South-West Water is too busy trying to come up with a woke, diverse, gender-neutral & pro-Semmitic version of its ‘Men At Work' signs to be bothered about fixing leaky pipes and preventing sewage discharges from treatment plants.
“Not too busy to extend last year's hosepipe ban a bit further due to all the leaky pipes, though.” Ugo Fuego

What is the agenda of the people who are trying to amplify Mhegan's aura of Mercilessness artificially? Maybe she's gone silent because she's plotting something mega-diabolical. Maybe she's just run out of ideas for whinges.

The price of achievement
If the Snackstabber & Hunt the Stunt do fix inflation and the Tories suffer electoral wipeout, what will that prove?
   Only that the electorate is packed with people who have to be total idiots if they think that Labour won't do what they always do and break everything that's been fixed.

Our local MP has hauled himself out of his slough of despond to join the Harmperson Hussars. He is now planning to reform the House of Frauds to his own personal specifications.
   A project which will, no doubt, be as howling a success as the Wragg Revolution, which was supposed to oust President Boris and make Wm. Wragg the prime monster.

Q: How do you avoid going to gaol for your many and serious criminal offences?
A: Being the son of the president of the Untied States, or the wife of a past president, helps the fix to go in.

Telling it like it is
Jr.Dox, who will be striking for a whole working week next month whilst demanding a lunatic pay rise, have been spotted wave signs saying they want a second opinion.
   Okay, if 650,000 customers are being left untreated and customers are going to die, here are some back at yer . . .
Opinion 1: You're tawts.
Opinion 2. You're cnuts.
   Bonus: You're out of the same box as Bier Smarmer.

Next Question:
How many years will the ‘inquiry' into the fate of the submersible Titan last and will the wibble & misinformation on offer reach the epic levels Xpected for the ‘inquiry' into the Chinese plague?
“Was the Titan minisub sabotaged so that some wiseguy could do an 'I Told You So'? Something for the endless ‘inquiry' to tackle.” Helical Expedite
“A mere 2 years to investigate the subsmash of the Titan minisub? They're obviously not going to use any Britisch pocket-stuffers in wigs.” Igor Blimey

Dave the Leader has admitted he's to blame for all the bad things that happened ‘coz of the Chinese plague. He couldn't be arsed to look in his crystal ball and see it coming.

“Does anyone remember what the Relegate scandal was about? There must have been one with ‘gate' strapped on the end.” Hord Taqq

Hunt the Stunt has told the Chinese plague ‘inquiry' that earlier quarantine could have meant the first lock-in could have been avoided. Or maybe not.
   He doesn't know and his wibble was a waste of his time & our money. Just like what was on offer from Dave the Leader.
   Which seems to be the main object of the ‘inquiry'; shoving our cash into the pockets of scroungers to shield them from what the costa living does over the next seven or eight years.

Q: Can a Scottish puffin colony be described as ‘vital'?
A: Only to the people making money out of it.

We should be told
Is the Vagner bloke Y. Prigozhin after Putinstan's equivalent of the Duke of York title after marching his troops up the road toward Moscovicious to complain about Putinstan bombing them instead of Ukrainians and then marching them down again?
   In the direction of Byellerruss instead of back to Ukraine where they were getting slaughtered from all sides.
   Prigozhin may be a St. Pete gangster out of the same box as Putrid; and look like one!; but he clearly has a couple of brain cells still working.
“Wouldn't it be great if Prigozhin changed is name to Priyatniy or Prekrasniy** and lived up to it?” Gan Davol
[*nice, pleasant; **beautiful, excellent, handsome, Ed.]
[Handsome? No way he could manage that without a head transplant. Ed. II]

Putrid has 3 options for Prigozhin:
1. Siberia
2. Poison
3. A dive from a 6th floor window of a handy hotel.
"Which shall it be, Passworthy?"

Now that the education system has been turned into such a joke, have kids who lost school time due to the Chinese plague really lost anything valuable?
“They can't wear trainers but schoolkids can wear ears & pin on a tail to pretend to be a cat who can only say 'meow'. The worst part is that this crap is coming from people who are supposed to be grown ups. Beyond bonquers.” Barney Hof

Worth a rehash:
Vladimir Putin
Don't believe in shootin'.
When he wants someone dead,
It's poison, not a bullet in the head.
A fairly presentable Putrid double put on a Vagner Rant show for the masses in Moscovicous yesterday afternoon. The man himself, of course, stayed in his bunker 14 miles from the city.
Mutually Assured Destruction has been postponed for a while longer.

Rat’s RoundUp
The Labour party, which let the Gov. of the Bonk of England drop the Mortgage Bomb, is now claiming the Tories dunnit. But what else do you Xpect from a lying hippocrite like Smarmer?
Plague rule buster & Boris Basher B. Jenkin is not happy about being unable to go out & about ‘coz people keep asking him awkward questions about his crimes against humanity.
The Met Office seems to be on course for confecting a 50 deg.C heat wave in 5-8 years' time.
P. Cullen, RCN honcho, is in deep mourning. Her latest strike ballot of nurses failed to meet the legal turnout threshold.
The DoomBuggers are still trying to talk the UK into a recession by triggering minor but short-lived fluctuations in the dollar/pound Xchange rate.
‘Tinge & Whinge'—which vexatious couple can that possibly apply to?
[Answers on a PC to the usual address. Ed.]

Gordon Bennett, it’s Flash Alex of the Met!
Lurking in a park area on Hampstead Heath, middle-aged Detective Constabule D. Alexander was busted for waving his pianist at what he thought was a deviant member of the public; who turned out to be another copper.
   In court, his inspector described him as one of his best officers!!
   If that's so, imagine what the rest of the sorry crew are like.

Fashion victims? --->
Or just clots? --->

Bier Smarmer is getting the blame for trying to position the useless Gov. of the Bonk of England as the man the nation loves to hate most in order to give himself a break from the current derision deluge resulting from U-turns and outright lies about what he will & won't do if he gets his beak into the Downing Street bucket.

Who's really to blame for the Mortgage Timebomb?
   Some guy called Martin Lewis reckons all it's his fault but it could be just attention-craving.

The RSPCA would have us believe that things are now so hot that everyone is in mortal danger from hyped-up snakes.

Q: Polyamory—Why are schools in trouble for insisting on inflicting this on their customers? What is it Xactly?
A: It's just a fancy name for promiscuity, optionally across species. Sheepshagging and the like.
“And also parrotshagging? If you can find one big enuff.” Sumo Yashida

Go like that and go wrong
Does the Scottish Parliament know that calling an event Scotland's Women GatHER is rather unfortunate?
   A gat in the US is slang for a gun and ‘gat her' can be taken as an invitation to plug the unfortunate female.
   GatHER is also close to the homosexual Xpression "Get her!", which was deployed with mucho derision by Julian & Sandy in Round The Horne.
[Steam wireless, yonks ago. Ed.]

The Labour party has been exposed as resorting to an ugly culture war in order to grovel for GBT Boutique votes by whingeing about things real people are not bovvered about.
   This is seen as an attempt to back the Smarmer/Davey proposition that women can have a pianist if they want one 'coz it's a 'uman bluddy right.

More pretend science
Xtreme cold weather is getting the blame for a large rise in the number of flu deaths during the winter just gone. So where's this gorbal warmage we hear so much about?
In fact, the rise was due to lower natural immunity in the population caused by the restrictions imposed to reduce the spread of the Chinese plague. But don't tell the warmists.

WEEK 5    Putin the ‘rat’ into kleptokrat

 
“Don’t say a word; they’ve got guns!”
“Not a peep out of the usual suspects about the carbon footprint of the Prigozhin/Vagner March Past Moscow to Belarus and the threat to the future of The Planet. No sign of any Just Stoppers trying a slow march in front of Prigozhin's Pirates.
   “There does seem to be a high degree of selectivity of action around when the whingers decide which threats to the future of humanity it's safe to wibble about and which it's wise to ignore 'coz there could be consequences to interference.
   “Paper tigers, the lot of them” E. Conomy

Trans-action
What the ‘uman race needs for its birthday is a sense of proportion. If 100% fuss & panic over 0.001% relevant, trivial ishues is the current norm, then a common sense transplant is long overdue.
“Give Us Values Not Transisters remains a useful ambition.” Cheese Platell

Electric vehicles that are at least twice as heavy as proper ones not only destroy road surfaces faster, they also put multistorey car parks at risk of sudden collapse with consequent loss of life.
   Their greater mass also gives them greater momentum in a collision at a given speed, increasing the severity of vehicle damage, injuries to humans and the number of deaths on the roads.
“As they don't pay road tax, maybe the owners feel entitled to bash the nation's roads to bitz.” Kral Smeed

Q: Whatever happened to the Filth & Polly show on ITV?
A: Pass.
Q: Why do we never get reliable oldrotic any more? Why does it always have to be newrotic?
A: See above answer.

Dosh Matters (yes, it really does)
£2 MILLION for hotel rooms for the monstrous BierBC crew covering the Glastonbury Do, plus more millions for the broadcasting rights.
   Is the BierBC giving its compulsory licence payers anything like Value For Money?
[Answers on a PC to the usual address. Ed.]

Sound to no purpose
The aftermath of the Titan implosion seems to have been a needless shambles. The US Navy detected the demise of the minisub on the Sunday, as it was heading for the Titanic debris field, but failed to tell the US coastguards.
   When they got on the job 8 hours later, and started reporting all sorts of banging & tapping noises; which had nothing to do with the minisub, not a squeak out of the US Navy.
   And now there's a roar of ‘Xperts' going for the ‘I told you so' world record.

The Jr.Dox are after 49% now.
Consultants on an average of £128K (even for a half-day week) will stroll out on strike for a couple of days after the Jr.Dox have done their 5-day stint. But they're being coy about their demands.
“What's 49% of £128K and can I opt out of paying it 'coz the thought of it makes my wallet hurts?” Les A. Faire
Is anyone surprised that Sr.Doc consultants will be toiling away @ their private sector jobs when they are ‘on strike' from the NHS?
   Nope? No one?

Thames Water goes bust after paying BILLIONs it didn't have to an army of foreign shareholders? It has to be rather telling that the woman who broke the company has just baled out with her millions.
“She would deferably know for sure that something awful is about to happen.” Ken Garoo

No rocket science required
If it looks like a kangaroo court,
If it acts like a kangaroo court,
If it squawks like a kangaroo court,
If it has a Harmperson as its figurehead,
There is not a scrap of doubt that it is a kangaroo court,
Or about the amount of contempt that it deserves from decent people.
Assuming there are any left in the Palace of Westmonster, which is not a given.

Blame! Blame! Blame!
A HUGE amount of flak is landing on the grandparents of the kids who are pretending to be cats, dinosaurs & moons of outer planets.
   It's all their fault for not raising the parents of the current generation of klueless kids in contact with reality.

Not our bag
If you were wondering about the lack of the latest pride banner (per)versions on display here, we've only just found out it's deviant month (that's not until June 28th) and we're not involved anyway.
“Maybe they need to add a tail to the rainbow flag to underline its diversity of dogma.” 4 Cash
[And catma, if there's a tail. Ed.]
“On the subject of pride, remember what happened to the Titanic, which was billed as being the absolute the embodiment of it!” Ponder Quartz

More Cuteness
The BierBC's bod who handles (and ignores) of Freedom of Information requests has announced that the company has learnt some lessons from the Xposure of the lies told about M. Bashedear's health when the Princess Di interview scandal re-erupted in 2020.
Translation: The BierBC will be sneakier about its disinformation in future.

The spirit of the 18th century revolution lives on in France, the citizens who have made themselves super-rich feel. The ludicrous left grabbers are still all for chopping orf the heads of nouveau aristos so that they can steal every last centime from them.
With a 75% top tax rate, it's understandable that the aristos resort to creative accounting to wave 2 fingers @ the unwashed mob & political scroungers; or zoom off to England or Belgium.
Boys who have been banned from wearing shorts to school in hot weather are turning up in skirts; and there's nothing their frustrated teachers can do about it as uniform rules cannot be restricted by gender.

Today’s Topic:
How does Blackpool get away with a name like that with all the woke rachelists about? Blackburn? Just as bad.
“What about MANchester? Definitely not inclusive.” L.E. Ment
“OXford? That's terribly species-ist. CATford? Isle of DOGS?” Vree Konchiroval
“BarKING? Terribly regalist.” 4 Kout

Somewhat lacking in conviction
If this is really the hottest June since records began in 1884, and that's a Bad Thing, why aren't the Warmists rioting @ the gates of the embassies of China, India, Putinstan, the US and all the South American countries which are hurling carbon dioxide into the atmosphere?
   Doing something trivial at the taxpayer's Xpense here looks like the better part of valour & courage of convictions.

Moron Magic
The head of the government's GW Fraud quango, a Tory peer, has confirmed his lack of competence for a proper job by telling the nation that Just Stoppers are wonderful people and that everyone should be making a nuisance of themself, like them, all the time.
Why are Just Stoppers so terrified about the future? Tory MP P. Davies reckons it is because twerps like Lord Deben spout tripe at them.
[And they are stoopid enuff to take him seriously. Ed.]
“Entitled to a ludicrous & criminal level as well as stoopid.” Formata Kohl

Who is this Deben character anyway?
He used to be an MP called John Selwyn Gummer and he was a figure of fun as a minister during the Major Years. He was mocked for by getting his daughter to scoff a beefburger during the BSE outbreak to ‘prove' Britisch beef was safe to eat. Which turned out to be true in her case as she survived the experience.
   As for the father, it's doubtful whether a dose of BSE would have had much detectable effect on his dottiness. His presence in the honcho seat of the Climate Change Committee quango just serves to reinforce its status as a total waste of our dosh.

Below the line mission statement: Some of the above is true. BFN is recognized as a premiere class observational blog and a multiple winner of the OB of the Year award.
   We are constantly exposed to dodgy conclusions drawn from dodgy data by the 'experts', especially those found in the world of politics and especially those at the Treasury and in opposition and running trade unions.
   Some of us civilians at BFN like to join in to let them know that anyone can do it and we ain't impressed by their efforts.

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Created for Romiley Anarchists' League by workers in revolt against oppression to set the record straight in the 3rd millennium. © RAL, June MM23 like anyone cares.