WEEK 1    Putin the ‘mess’ into message

 
Advice from the dustbin
Anyone who's had anything to do with President Boris has ended up in the gutter, Corporal Codswallop Smarmer [right, in his Dracula Boots] reckons.
   But he forgot to add that some people have found their own way effortlessly into the gutter without President Boris' help.

Feckless Scots have failed to claim £54 MILLION of energy rebate dosh made available by a Westminster government scheme. There's no helping some people.

Absolute dud on the horizon
The Xpectation in Scotlandland is that there are no entities in the SNP and the country will end up with another non-entity like Wee Burney as the next First Meenister.

Worra Surprise!
The Archybish of Cantab, Jellyfish Welby, doesn't want the West to humiliate Putrid the Poisoner by beating the pants off him in Ukraine. We must tolerate him and appeal to his better nature and wait for him to see the light. Or something like that.
["Pathetic drivel" is about the kindest comment the jellyfish has had. Ed.]
“Someone else who needs the sack is the GM Chief Fire Officer, D £172K Russel. If he think using the word ‘fireman' is micro-aggression, his attempt to cancel it is macro-aggression of the worst sort and well worth the bullet.” J.A.G.

No wonder it’s called the not-so-great
gorbal warmage swindle
The Drax power station in Yorkshire gets £893 MILLION/year in greenwash subsidies from the taxpayer. Its alibi is that burning wood pellets imported at great Xpense from abroad plays a crucial role in displacing fossil fuels.
   That fact that it hurls out way more carbon dioxide than a power station using fossil fuels seems to be irrelevant. And the claim that wood chips are replacing a scarce resource is fraudulent as there is a 200-year supply of fossil fuels left in the ground. There's GW fraudism, blatant GW fraudism and then there's this racket.

BierBC newsreaders have been banned from smarming Xternal reporters with ‘many thanks indeed' when they are just doing the job they are paid to do. In future, the Xact number of thanks on offer must be specified.

Not bovvered about being called an ecoterrorist by people you don't respect?
Sanitize your ancient garden shed with a Bug Bomb™ 100% harmless to humans If Directions Followed!
B.I.G. Romiley, 62c Riverside Drive

The EFU Commission has followed Creaky Joe's lead and banned the use of the possible Chinese spyware TiqToq on phones and anything else work-related.
   But the Snackstabber is still cool with it, apparently.

No overwhelming sense of enthusiasm
The almost invisibly insignificant question is will Hapless Hairy have the gutz to show him mug @ King Chuck's coronation to hoover up another collection of slights to whine about in Waaaa! 2.
   Depends how hard up he's feeling, is the Xpert view. He's demanding apologies from all of his relatives and they're not minded to give any. If he does the hoovering, that will be an indication of how really desperate for more cash that he's feeling.

St. David's day will have to be cancelled this year. Much wailing & gnashing of teef in Welsh Wales as leeks are about to go Xtinct.
   The Labour party; currently in charge in Wales; is behind this outrage but Corporal Codswallop is hoping Brexit will get the blame.

If your home is pongy, the Xperts have given you an alibi. All you have to do is claim that anyone who thinks the place is whiffy is over-stressed & over-sensitive to unpleasant smells and incapable of making an objective assessment.
Other Xperts reckon that detecting a pong is a signal to your body to beat a hurried retreat from something harmful, such as deadly bacteria, and ignoring the warning is Not A Good Idea.

An educational trust run by religious fanatics is trying to do Chinese-style mindwashing on primary school kids. The plan is to forcibly re-educate them to stop the kids from using common playground taunts.
This will work with some of them, the Xperts reckon, and also encourage the rebels to use the taunts more often in order to be naughty.

Sherie bobs up again . . .
“Ukraine is showing sterling fiftytude rather than just fortitude. Best of luck to them with that.” L. Astic
“Putinstanis are such prethetic attention-seekers that they can't do a minute's silence without leaping up and down and making a fuss.” G. Rassinol
“Hapless Hairy—has he got a good dose of Russian blood from an ancestor? Some sort of recessive Yuri rather than a Gene?” Rah Jastan

Totalitarianism for all!
The Snackstabber & Chancellor useless Hunt are trying to crawl back into China's pocket, where Dave the Leader and his mates took us. This is being done in the name of achieving growth and to hell with security & sabotage & spying by an unfriendly power.
   At least as unfriendly as the EFU, the Xperts reckon.

The Snackstabber has had his half-mast trouser legs lengthened down to his shoes following the outbreak of derision. Strange that the fashionistas are not making a similarly big deal about this.

The bottom line talks
The wonks @ Puffin Books have been forced to continue to issue uncensored versions of the late Ronald Darl's bux after almost drowning in a tsunami of derision.

The ludicrous left singist B. Bragg is self-censoring his own songs, he has announced in an attempt to get some attention.
Epic fail.

Prethetic, or what!
Lincolnshire country council has a cute Xcuse for not fixing defective drains, which cause sections of various roads to flood to unnavigable depths.
   They can't fix the drains until the flood waters subside. Something which ain't gonna happen until the useless council fixes the drains.

A criminal who refuses to leave his/her/its cell in the court building to hear the judge pronounce sentence on they [pronoun paranoia, not a typo Ed.] should get the full whack with no discount. No out in half or two-thirds of the sentence, no matter how much yelling the legal vultures do.

Adulterated versions of James Bond novels by the late I. Fleming will have to carrying a warning message to tell serous readers to look for an authentic edition if they want to read the actual story.

Churchill, the nodding puppet in TV insurance adverts, is to be cancelled 'coz he promotes flat-faced dogs, which are genetically defective, and he's too fat.

Ph-ph-ph-antastic!
The current breed of TV script cobblers is so lacking in imagination that the 'best' on offer from them is what they hope will be attention-grabbing for their show variants of the 'f' word.

Your new, agile, catalytic accessory! A cross-cutting mission board!! Corporal Codswallop Smarmer endorsed!!! Totally and Completely Useless!!!! Just like the bloke doing the endorsement Megano & Wilf of Romiley, 14 Riverside Lane

And Sherie again . . .
“Why shouldn't there be a land border in Ireland between the UK and the EFU? Why should IRA killers be allowed to swan around unchecked?” Watt D. Farook
“A. Graham, the rapist, got away with one if he got only 8 years inside for 2 rapes, out in four, thanks to the Labour party..” Fedor Ahat
“China, which has a solid track record for having no problem with lying to the world, denies leaking its plague from the lab in Wuhan. No one surprised.” Con Taminate
“It's all very well for the US ambassodor there to say China needs to be more honest but everyone knows it ain't never gonna happen with commies in charge.” Locom O'Tive
“Or with any other type of government, Xperience tells us!” Matt U. Ration

Model of integrity or Kreepy stooge?
Sugar Ray Partygate ‘inquiry' findings blown out of water
Former Cabinet Office Sec. now Kreepy Labour's Chief of Staff
Did President Boris get a fair Partygate trial?
Now seen as a victim of a Labour party stitch-up orchestrated by Sugar Ray & a legal accomplice.
And what about Biergate?
Another Kreepy Labour stitch-up?
Just how impartial are civil servants in Kreepy Labour's pocket?
Will there be an investigation of the Partygate 'investigation'?
[Joke. Ed.]
“If it walks like a Trot and it squawks like a Trot in messages, etc.” Purpurs Fully
“Sugar Ray in the Tower in the cell next to Smarmer?” N. Capsulate

All sorts of skiving civil servants are making Budget Day a bank holiday for themselves. Let us hope it chucks it down with rain to make up for dry February.

Romiley Art Gallery presents its latest installation
“Rubble with stunted tree”
Viewing by appointment only on alternate Saturdays.

Legs are being bandied about.

Putin the ‘bad’ into Badenoch
The sometime Levelling Minister, K. Badenoch, has been outed as a backstabber & enemy of President Boris, and she is now well out of the running to be a Tory leader.
   Her apologists claim she's been framed using private stuff from her auntie-social meeja conversations. The old petard scenario. Never fails.

The government is being urged to create a law banning reckless & abusive cycling to protect motorists & pedestrians from kamikaze klowns on 2 wheels.

“Typical Labour arrogance, assuming the Partygate stitch up of President Boris would never by uncovered, or if it was, there would be no come-backs because it was grotting on the Tories.” Corin Expense

Labour party & 'uman rights spivs to be sued over keeping a Jamaican criminal in the country and letting him become a killer?

Putin the ‘deal’ into ordeal
Kreepy Labour is tough on crime? Cue a rush to remind us that Labour and its luvvie stooges always do their best to keep crims out of gaol.
   Looking after their voters? And hoping to get into office so they can give the vote to gaoled crims to stay in office?

“Why should we be bovvered about a Third World War? As long as we don't let the Labour party grot us out of the First World, we won't be involved.” Foot Therbill

Using cartoons of the Nobel-winning scientist A. Einstein in advertisements for 'smart' meters has to be the crime against humanity of the century. For a start, the claim that these meters are in any way smart is just fraudulent.
   Paired self-reporting are supposed to talk to the in-kitchen monitor to give the consumer a constant summary of the amount of gas & electricity being used and the cost.
   One of our correspondents has found that this doesn't happen. Despite a switch from an expired, affordable tariff to a current extortionate one, the prices on the display have not changed.
   The end of the afternoon is still a 2-quid moment even though the current tariff is 250% higher than the expired one.
   Which means that the display might as well be parked in a junk drawer for all the use it is. Which would stop it drinking the customer's electricity in order to dish out duff data.

Windsor Whingers
A wet weekend in the stocks for all the twits who moaned about King Chuck doing a meet & greet job for the EU Commission honcha? It might help them to reflect on the triviality of their obsessions and help them to switch their attentions to something a little more relevant to real life.
[But probably won't. Ed.]
“Well, it certainly gave the usual suspects plenty of scope for churning out their column inches of bollocks to justify their miserable Xistence.” Gunn F'hire

Esso petrol in Romiley 145.9p/litre
Esso diesel in Romiley 159.9p/litre

Go with the dough
Anyone surprised that the Britisch stooge-Xperts who are claiming that the Chinese plague was a spontaneous global natural disaster, and nothing to do with the virus lab in Wuhan, are all in the pay of the Chinese government? No?
   No surprise either that Britisch scientific institutions consider the topic of the Chinese plague's origins too controversial even to debate. Which suggests they are worried that the wrong sort of truth might be aired & they would end up with a severe case of egg on the mush and with reduced Chinese funding.
“There's too much Chinese cash going to universities, etc., and ‘scientific' journals to permit impartiality & involvement.” Keith Clouded

King Chuck giving the head of the EFU Commish a Royal handshake photo-op is getting the credit for sealing the Windsor Deal trade arrangements for Northern Ireland.
President Creaky Joe is believed to be dropping hints that more of the same for him will speed the US-UK trade deal, which has been on the back burner since he parked his Model T @ the White House.

The Levelling Minister, M. Gove, has decided that levelling down the benefits granted to the parents of disruptive and truant-prone yobs is a Good Thing.

Thanks to the effects of the Chinese plague on the NHS, unhealthy people will show a reduced response to treatments and their lives will be cut short for quite some time to come, sez NHS England.

Discarded Transport Sec. G. von Shapps has been awarded a pie-in-the-face for his pie in the sky ‘pledge' made last year. The Xperts reckon that his scam to use mutant euphorbiaceae ‘petrol plants' to create jet fuel for the aviation industry would require 50% of Britain's farmland. And that's just for domestic flights.
   Getting to his Jet Zero carbon emissions locally by 2040 and internationally by 2050 is just a flight of fantasy.
   But hey! He's a politician. Wot does he kno?

“Why is King Chuck being forced to wear a collection of bags of flour to get him used to the weight of St. Edward's Crown, which will be used for the Coronation? A collection of bags of lead shot would do the job more neatly and make the wearer look less of a clot. Unless Chuck thinks wearing something that makes him looks like a refugee from a Goon Show film puts him back in touch with his lost youth.” Ian O'Vext

“Ireland, and the EFU for that matter, is a neighbour to the UK in the same way that Putinstan is a neighbour to Ukraine.” Wild F'hire

Despite gorbal warmage, Majorca and its neighbouring Balearic islands in the Mediterranean have been blizzarded and the UK is shivering through a nasty cold spell. Whatever happened to No Mo Winter?

“The most essential qualities of an honest broker are unblemished integrity and impartiality. Once either comes into question, the gig is up. If both are damaged, that's terminal. But not in politics, of course.” Gill Tea
“Are we going to get two inquiries now? One into Sugar Ray and another into the Labour shenannygoats with the Commons privileges committee presided over by Harridan Harperson, whose integrity is terminally blemished? Or none at all because President Boris is a Tory and therefore he doesn't merit a fair trial before his hanging?” Dan Geroose

Tripe ripe for cancellation
What's wrong with education today? A head teacher letting a drag queen tell a class of 11-year-olds there are 73 genders and getting stroppy when one of them didn't believe it.
There are idiots about who are claiming that there are 100 genders. Which looks too much like a round number guess to be taken seriously. Not that any of the other stuff is.

Biojetfuel, typical of all gorbal warmage scams, costs 7 times more than proper fuel made from North Sea and other types of oil.

Mhegan the Muciloid has been reduced to doing coffee netverts on auntie-social meeja to make a few bob.
Like anyone here cares.

The cremains of the mass-murdering Yorkshire Ripper have been distributed across several counties to make sure there is absolutely no chance that he'll be back.

“How nice it is to have a former Director of Public Prostitutions who spared the nation the expense of locking up J. Savile, paedophile of this parish and who still feels entitled to stick his nose into the public trough.” Barry Cade
“He's now in charge of a party that thinks transister criminals should get a free ride. And definitely not go to gaol, which prevents them from voting Labour.” Y.I. Yabooga
“It's all very well, him smirking and pretending to be superior to President Boris. But are we really supposed to have forgotten all the pictures of him boozing with a gang of stooges during the Chinese plague lock-in?” Omit Scobie

Greenwash posturing
Applying carbon capture to a new gas-fuelled power station will be COSMETIC & have zero effect on the climate of The Planet.
   It will also DOUBLE the cost of the electricity produced, at least, and unnecessarily at HUGE and needless expense to the consumer.
   The carbon capture scam amounts to an act of TERRORISM perpetrated on the Britisch people by politicians who have no contact with reality but who do have an arm shoved shoulder-deep in the taxpayer's pocket.

Spot on, King Chuck!
Depriving Mhegan the Muciloid & her hairy stooge of Frogmore Not A Cottage was done to the benefit of the Britisch nation. If they have made themselves no longer welcome here, they are not going to infest the place and it makes sense to let someone else do it.

Q: FIDO?
A: Same as "Rixtar Momn" but in Englisch. The last 3 initials cover the essential message: "In the Direction of Off", which is underlined by the arrow base of the RM version.

Fine in theory
The Home Office has assured us that the National Security Bill, as passed by Parliament, won't stifle the Press and prevent leaks from getting publicity.
   Which is all very well. But there are no guarantees on offer that this will remain true once judges start rewriting the law to be vexatious and in pursuit of a private agenda.

The British Intelligence services are under pressure to reveal which foreign country unleashed the Chinese plague on us.

The latest leaks from the archives of sometime minister Hancock's Half Hour reveal, surprise, surprise, that the government knows what members of the teaching unions are all about. Namely that they really do hate having to do any work.

Forget the Mighty Triumph garbage
The wheels are coming off the Snackstabber's deal with the EFU already. Some things will change in a minor way for Ulster, but the Stormont Brake won't work, the EFU's laws & Court of Injustice will continue to apply and the EFU is confident that it has dodged a bullet and the status quo is largely intact.

Schoolkids had to wear face masks during the main Chinese plague episode a) to avoid a lot of argy bargy with Wee Burney Sturgeon and b) to deprive snoflakes of an Xcuse to act up.

Any old Xcuse . . .
The police farces in England & Wales spend the equivalent of one day per week investigating actual crimes. The rest of their time is devoted to confecting non-crime hate incidents.
   Things are worser north of the border where Police Scotland is worser.

Chilly Revenge
When he was trying to become Tory leader, the smug bugger J. Hunt was all for cutting corporation tax from 19% down to 15%. Now he's stuck @ Chancellor, he wants to shove it up to 25%
   It seems he has a very snackstabber approach to integrity.

The scenario where someone is bitten by a rattlesnake and has the poison sucked out by a life-saving companion has been debunked. It's just film BS. "Never going to happen," a leading venomologist reckons.

There is a lot of bollocks being talked about learning lessons from the way the Chinese plague epidemic was tackled. But it's all smoke & mirrors like the Snackstabber's deal with the EFU over Northern Ireland.
   We know from long Xperience that lessons are NEVER learnt and the next crisis will be something completely different and mishandled in different ways from the Chinese plague egermency.
   We also know that the sole purpose of an inquiry is to shove taxpayers' money into the pockets of the legal trade and their hangers on.

729 registered sex offenders have managed to drop off the police radar in the last 3 years. Brexit is getting the blame.

SugarRayGate
“The barrister who was advising Sugar Ray was bound by a code of conduct that required him to act in the best interests of his client, we are told. That's the agenda of two people on Team Labour and the Team Bremoaner cause? Wunderbar as an alibi, not much to do with justice.” Jusbin Robbery
“The stitch is up everywhere all the time in politics.” Joe E. Carillion
“Can we put O.J. Corbynstein in charge of the Biergate Commission in the interests of fair play?” D'eath Drake
One bier, one in reserve
“It's not possible for Sugar Ray to damage the civil service's reputation for impartiality as it is already in tatters. Everyone knows, but the ludicrous left will never admit that civil servants follow their own left-wing agendas and nothing ever gets done because they frustrate with endless delays, all government policies that don't fit in with those agendas.” Ed Winchester
“And make vexatious complaints of bullying against Cabinet ministers who tell them to bloody well get on with the job they're paid to do.” Andy Arkensaw

"Safety on our roads is an absolute priority," sez the PM, who is hell bent on pushing ahead with killer 'smart' motorways.
   Repairing potholes is also off the 'immediate to do' agenda.

WEEK 2    Putin the ‘cute’ into acute

 
Greater Manchester and all organizations using the name are to be cancelled as the word 'greater' is deemed to be macro-aggressive toward everyone who is lesser & crap.

“Contempt of Parliament is ridiculously easy to manage if the usual suspects keep lying to us.” 10 Sion

Schools are to be issued with an official Blasphemy Guide to allow the inmates to be taught to do it properly.

Someone who works for the other two candidates rather than the current Scottish Health Sec., H. Yousaf, has accused the SNP party machine of trying to rig the leadership election in his favour.

Old state pension + 10% = £8K for the year from April
Gas + electricity for the year for a lone pensioner = £2K
Which makes the concept of a fuel poverty threshold of 10% of income confected by the boss of Citizens Advice look totally absurd.
   Unless they make the old state pension £21K.
But like that's going to happen.

A professor has offered the opinion that some SNP members won't be happy with the leader inflicted on them. Wow! Didn't see that one coming.

The Greeks are doing the American thing and going in for riots & arson about following a train crash which killed 57 passengers.

Feeling unloved & underappreciated, China has increased its war-mongering budget massively.
Putinstan is looking pleased, Taiwan ain't.

The current best alibi for smoking dope is to claim an inability to pay attention.
Worked for Prince Hairy.
“Not something calculated to inspire confidence in anyone else in a helicopter if it's over bandit country and he's flying it.” P. Gravity-Moon

An American lawyer, who's one of the many people who are famous there and unknown here, is looking at life plus 731 years if convicted of all of the 100 crimes he's been or about to be charged with. Which will cost the state of South Carolina $40.3 MILLION plus inflation.
He killed his wife & son to spare them the shame of his being put on trial for stealing 8½ MILLION bucks from the clients of his law firm. Allegedly.

Girls' school's in Iran are under chemical attack by Islamist Xtremist's, who don't think female's should be educated & independent.
The government is not doing all that much to stop them.

SNAFU
The Scittish government is in trouble for letting the legal trade turn the inquiry into its handling of the Chinese plague egermency into an 'eat all you can' snack bar & something which is being dragged out to let the lawyers stuff their pockets to the max.
The SNP has wasted so much cash in Scotland that the Whitewash Budget for Scandals has run out of dosh.

Wha daur meddle wi’ me?
The SNP believes that leadership hustlings should be a safe space where dirty deals can be done without journalists looking on and asking awkward questions.
   At least, that's the impression they've created with all their shenannygoats.

An online music hoster & vendor claims it doesn't allow content that encourages violence or hatred against specific groups. Does that mean it's okay with offering violence & hatred diversely to everyone? We should be told.

Donald Trump is going to make America great again. Well, someone needs to and it won't be Creaky Joe.

. . . and nothing like the truth
The thing about all these leaks about Hancock's Half Hour and his Chinese plague related messages to colleagues is that what hits the meeja has been cherry-picked to fit the propaganda agenda and it's totally unreliable with the context scraped off.
   But hey, it's the world of politics, so what does that matter?

And justice for all? Joke!
A boy drops a copy of the Q'r'n at school and gets death threats and his mother is hauled up before a kangaroo court of vexatious Islamists. What happens? The police stick a hate crime on the kid and ignore the death threats and the intimidation by mobs of local Islamists.
“This is the same mentality that let the Manchester Arena bomber swan around free until he worked up the nerve to kill a lot of people.” Kliefer Oben

Even the Home Sec., S. Braverperson, has felt able to point out that political correctness is giving Islamist terrorists a free pass to kill people.
   Shame this is something the minions don't get.
“MI5 needs to be downgraded to MI0.5 until it can do the job it's supposed to.” R Ashgan

Essential in every household! The Virtue Flagon!!! Fully endorsed by weapons-grade hypocrite Sir Smarmer!!! PERFORATED!!! Will not hold sensible views of any sort GUARANTEED!!! Megano & Wilf of Romiley, 14 Riverside Lane

Whilst gangs of Xperts are yelling about poverty, other gangs are claiming that 50% of the world's population will be o'bese by 2035. This is due to lock-ins imposed as a reaction to the Chinese plague pandemic.
Putinstan is reduced to sending gangs of mercenaries to shoot up villages close to the border with Ukraine—but on its side of it—in order to bolster Putrid the Poisoner's claim that Ukraine started the war, not him.

Biergate or Graygate?
“It had to be a crude & obvious stitch-up on President Boris 'coz Labour can't do anything else.” R. Avishol
“If Sugar Ray is told she can't take all her government confidential information to Sir Smarmer and spill every drop to him, are they going to have to lock her up in a dungeon in the Tower of London for about 5 years to make sure she can't spill beanz on the QT?” Vin D. Sell

The UK reform party, we are told, is planning to take votes off the Conservatives in the next general election by standing on an anti-lock-in ticket. Which means what? That they want to spend BILLIONs on building a time machine to send their figurehead back to the start of the Chinese plague with overwhelming evidence that locking us in would be a disaster?
   There's the politics of frivolity of the sort we get from Smarmer Labour all day and every day, and then there's this!

“You do get a sense that when someone like Harridan Harperson takes a pop @ President Boris then there's a surge of bile-fuelled jealousy behind it. She has been an MP for donkey's years but, unlike Boris, she is just making up the numbers. She hasn't achieved anything, written any best-selling books or done anything useful. And that's seething in the bowels of her black soul.” Knut B. Iroshel

Today’s Quotation:
The Law was created to protect the unworthy and persecute honest men.

We were supposed to be knee-deep in snow yesterday. We did see the odd tiny flake of it; maybe about 12 flakes per litre; the night before and during yesterday morning and afternoon, but it just melted leaving everywhere damp but readily negotiable.
   It's a similar story today. There was some snow in the early hours of the night but we woke up to a layer on cars, walls, bins & sheds, but nothing on roads & pavements.
“What we've had is the Labour version of a winter wonderland. Lotz of talk about how amazing it's going to be but in the event, not so much.” Dan Jeruss

Letter of the week competition: Which shall it be, Passworthy?
“I was fascinated to read that Mhegan the Muciloid & her hairy consort have opened a nursing home for grievances of all persuasions. This has to be a resource that the whole world can and will grow to treasure.” Colonel Outrageous
“A tiny turd like gary bloody lineker should not make such a big splash, and wouldn't have if the BierBC hadn't amplified it so recklessly and shamefully.” S. Marmer-Boozer

Wam-bam Boozle!
The customers discover that their taxes are paying for an educational establishment which is churning out illiterate school reports that include theys instead of hes & shes in complaints about a customer's inability to write competent Englisch?
   Blame it on the software that churns out purely routine reports and deny it's vexatious wokery & virtue flaggery.

London's cosmetic mayor is in deadly danger of achieving what was previously thought to be impossible—making the ludicrous left look even more ludicrous. He is achieving it by his tactic of calling everyone a narzi who doesn't agree with his lunatic 'price traffic out of London' plan.

Overloaded with bier embarrassingly?
Can't cope with it and running out of room to move around at home?
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local agents: Megano & Wilf of Romiley, 14 Riverside Lane

Give it a rest, you morons
The idiots in charge of the NHS are being told by the staff to stop trying to cancel the word 'woman' in a medical context. Especially when applied to conditions which can affect only those of the XX tendency.

Robbing us blind
Partially sighted woman with mobility ishues yells at pensioner riding a bike on the pavement, which isn't supposed to happen. Cyclist falls over on the road and gets run over. The yeller lady gets 3 years for manslaughter and has to shove even more cash into the pockets of the legal trade in the hope of getting this abuse of justice cancelled.

The argument offered by the BIG banks for not giving cash to customers who have fallen for scams is that it just encourages people to be careless.

Off in a world of their own
This week's weather shows up what utter BS the idea of meteorological spring is. And what prethetic wonks the Met Office mob are if they can't cope with the concept of a season starting 3 weeks in to a month.
“No surprise that it's part of the not-so-great gorbal warmage swindle and an attempt to claim that seasons start 3 weeks earlier than they used to.” Dr. Poisonous

Are we surprised that the bosses of the Big Banks all have an active branch within a couple of minutes' drive of their mansion? No? Not even a little bit?

Splash, Crash, yer car is Trash
Local councils are wasting MILLIONs of pounds of CTaxpayers' cash by doing shoddy quick-fix ‘repairs' to potholes. Fixes that can drop to bitz in a few weeks.
   Bristol is top of the pops for having a council that lets the city's streets remain potholed with a rating of 80% of streets having at least one defect.
   Stockport, near Romiley, can manage only a prethetic 49% rating.
“A policy of grinding up useless councillors & overpaid council stooges and using them to fill potholes might be an essential first step to persuade the survivors to do a proper job instead of the usual botch & run.” Al Tercation

A. Murdurer, the American lawyer who extreminated his wife and son to spare them the embarrassment of finding out that he'd stolen $8.5 MILLION from customers, is getting away with it.
   800 years in gaol rather than Death Row.
   Lotz of job security for the screws!

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Believe it or what! time
The latest Smarmer Labour conspiracy fantasy is that Sugar Ray is a secret Tory, who has allowed her reputation for impartiality to be trashed to give President Boris a free ride, and who was hoping to become a mole @ the very heart of the Smarmer camp.

Former National Treasure is now Despised as a Total Deadleg
The BierBC's choosing to abandon balanced, unbiased reporting is producing floods of demands for an end to the compulsion of the licence fee.

Business as usual
The BierBC announced that it would have a frank conversation with gary bloody lineker and then continue to let him get away with his BS.
“gary bloody wanker. Narzis, indeed. Just bloody lazy.” Kar Diovascula
“He's speaking up for the arseholes with no voice? Is he thinking of anyone in farticular?” Harriet Moanalot

++ Nation speaks bollocks unto Nation ++ Heil lineker ++
A little turd like gary bloody lineker shouldn't make much of a splash going into a sewer. A big splash needs the BierBC and the ludicrous lefties [e.g. the man who got a million and a half people killed in Iraq, Ed.] he's paying to shout about him to switch on their wave machines.

Q: Can the BierBC survive without adolf bloody lineker and his Goebbels propaganda machine?
A: Easily. There are plenty of other ludicrous left bigots on the payroll.

Sherie Surges Back . . .
“Something very peculiar is the idea that what Prince Hairy has become is evidence that declaring a free for all on drugs of all descriptions would be a Good Thing.” X.O. Sett
“Is Chancellor Hun't's plan to raise corporation tax to a stonking 25%; which will prevent inward investment here and ruin the economy; intended to give the electorate a taste of what a Labour government will do and a cunning plan to persuade people to vote Tory to prevent a worse mess than the one he's creating quite cynically?” L.B.W. Oot
“What's going to happen now is Sugar Ray will be ‘investigated' by someone else on Team Smarmer, cleared of all wrong-doing and awarded a DBE and/or a place in the House of Frauds.” Tree Woods
“Putrid the Poisoner is giving his reservists the World War One Experience in Ukraine by sending them up against concrete strong points armed with just a rifle & an entrenching tool. Ain't that really wonderful of him? Shame the crime rate in Putinstain ain't high enuff to let him keep his war going at the level he wants.” Perry Cancel
[Yes, we know, Putinstain, typo. But apt, though. Ed.]

Esso petrol in Romiley 144.9p/litre
Esso diesel in Romiley 157.9p/litre

100% under the thumb
Prince Hairy Xposes self as a dim attention-seeker & chronic druggie. A mere puppet of Mhegan the Muciloid, he will do any daft thing imaginable if someone waves a fistful of dosh under his nose.

Q: Is it true that the Snackstabber saw off Sturgeon & sorted Northern Ireland?
A: Given that Wee Burney shot herself multiple times in all of her feet and the EFU reckons it still has Ulster in a death grip, the answer has to be in the definite nogatory.

A Chinese social meeja CrApp used by kiddies is being accused of fomenting & facilitating school riots.
“This drag queen that went to that school to tell the kids about 73¼ genders—was it dragged through a hedge forwards or backwards? We should be told.” Trig O'Metric
“How to choke your sexmate safely? They're teaching that to schoolkids? The ludicrous left need locking up forever.” Omat Scobie
“Educational professional is now a class of criminal.” R.O. Bocop

Marsman Musk has been accused of turning Twatter into a trolls' playground by not getting rid of scumbags fast enuff.
gobby bloody lineker behaving like a narzi despite all his virtue-flagging preachifying is being dismissed as typical of the ludicrous left.
Mhegan the Muciloid is being twitted about her time as a working Royal and the task her ghost-writer will have in stretching her 8½ minutes worth of notes in her famous log of achievements out to book length.
“Lotz of pictures?” Adan $mok

Sherie Does Another RoundUp
“Why is a transister getting his pianist out on Channel 4 okay and an actual bloke doing it nokay and gaolworthy? So much for one rule under the law for everyone here.” Ed Forrit
“The current obsession with tiny numbers of the sexually peculiar indicates that there are lots of people on the public payroll with nothing useful to do and they are inventing useless jobs for themselves. What the government needs to do is heave these useless bodies onto the scrapheap and do the taxpayer a favour.” Tropic Kality
“gobby bloody £1.35M lineker is the Dr. Goebbels of the BierBC.” Jacques Boot
“Who's the worser hippocrite? gbl or the culture-appropriating Falani woman, who's been embarrassed out of her charity for paying over the odds to her family members?” Genna Sidle
“What did adolf lineker and his striking fellow stooges do yesterday with no football jobs on the BierBC menu? Invade the Sudetenland? Strange how quiet the BierBC is staying about that.” Conn Trickery

Are we getting another Labour Carparkgate?
Rather than tackle head on accusations that he had covert meetings with Sugar Ray in car parks, Sirk Reepy Smarmer chose to go into hiding. Which confirms rather a lot about his character.
   Sending Angular Robot out as a sub to do his lying for him underlined just how desperate he is for time to invent some half-way credible Xcuses. Which should keep him busy for the rest of the year.
“It's all the more heinous for a lawyer like Smarmer to break the sleaze rules, knowing what they are and not caring if everyone knows he chose to ignore them as an inconvenience. But that's politics for you.” Giblet Lunch

The state of Tennessee has banned live drag acts, which means that kiddies who want to be corrupted will have to view them on-line rather than in-person.
£2 million per year of taxpayers' dosh is spent on giving nose jobs to migrants.
The honcho of Ofsted has admitted that the sex education agenda for schools has become a load of bollocks with no basis in science and little relevance to normal life in Britain.
The nation's schools are largely empty on Fridays as the inmates are bunking off in imitation of their parents' Shirking @ Home culture.
Teaching unions are demanding a 20% pay rise to boost the mental ‘elf of their customers, who are struggling to find something to do on Fridays.

In response to the Hancock's Half Hour messages scandal/distraction, conflation is to be deflated to prevent abuse of information taken out of context and its use to create apparent support for completely unrelated claims.

The BierBC Director, General T. Davie, refuses to resign for not sacking gobnarzi lineker years ago.

gobnarzi lineker is making people realize how irrelevant the BierBC has become.

"The BierBC is acting impartially only when it caves in to the ludicrous left," is what Sirb Eery Smarmer should have said.

Just what’s needed
The walking charity Ramblers Scotland now has a president who doesn't look at the scenery when she goes out into the countryside. She's there just to look at the white faces & be appalled.
   She also takes the opportunity to blame the white folks for the failure of members of her and other ethnic minorities to appreciate the Scottish landscape.

Q: Is anyone surprised that the Xperts have concluded that people shove stuff on auntie-social meeja first and then think (or not) later?
A: Only the terminally dim could be. Checking whether something is fact or fiction is not seen as necessary by serial posters, who are attention-seekers in the main. The reason for the attention; agreement or mockery; is irrelevant.

A modest man with much to be modest about
"When I was Director of Prostitutions," said Sir Smarmer, making out it was something wonderful. Strangely, he neglected to add: "and keeping the paedophile J. Savile out of gaol."

It is very hard to take the ludicrous Labour party seriously when it is trying to turn an attention seeker like gobnarzi lineker into a martyr but we're doing our little best not to laugh too much.
“Lost the argument? Play the narzi card. Is that adolph lineker playing the narzi card like he's trying to wear it out? Figures.” Quer Liçu

The abort code Tango Uniform Romeo Delta has been transmitted to gobnarzi lineker.

gobnarzi lineker is "ridiculous & out of proportion". But we knew that already.

Today’s Question:
What sort of tyres need to be fitted to the Prince & Princess of Wheels?
[Clothears rides again. Ed.]

Population Editing No. 1
Immensely fat people are to be offered a slimming wonder drug to reduce their size. FattoBastardo™ has been tested Xtensively on celebs, particularly in the Untied States, and NHS bosses are hoping to put a dent in the £6 BILLION per year being Xtracted from the taxpayer right now by the o'besity crisis.
   The dent cannot be too huge as the average treatment will cost £1,200 to £7,600 and there are millions of potential customers if over half of the population is overweight.

Today’s Crisis:
The country is facing a severe shortage of cats to place among the far-Left pigeons who are making money out of the illegal migration industry following the government's revelation of plans to make all illegal entrants unwanted.
The situation is not helped by the mass migration of cats that took place when the government was considering extreminating the lot of them as Chinese plague spreaders.
The PM's plans have severely incommoded members of the anti-Britisch Blob, some of whom will be forced to get a proper job when the migrant bonanza ends.
Sometime Labour party honcho O.J. Corbynstein [right] has had the decency to provide his own feline & some treats, and he is not contributing to this particular crisis.

Grabbing bastards, clap-clap clap clap-clap Junior doctors are in the middle of a 3-day strike for a stonkingly unaffordable 35% pay grab.

Today started with great promise and brilliant sunshine. Next thing you know, it clouded over, thunder cracked the sky apart and we started being bombarded with p-peanut-size chunks of ice! Then the Sun had the cheek to come out again to mock us.

Population Editing No. 2
Mice are being dosed with ethyl alcohol to the point of falling-over incapability in Texas in the name of creating an anti-alc pill.
   The final product of the research is Xpected to persuade the ‘uman body to metabolize alcohol faster than even the most dedicated chugger can gulp it down and banish the inconveniences of inability to navigate and having a hangover as big as all outdoors.

Quotation: Sculpture can be anything.
Translation: You can call anything at all sculpture but that doesn't make it worth looking at.

Q: Is having a heat pump installed a Really Good Thing if the government is throwing £450,000,000 of our money at encouraging them?
A: No. They don't work when the weather gets cold and they become unaffordable during cold spells at present energy prices. People who were foolish enuff to get one are having them removed.
   The only reason for anyone to get one—knowing they are a flop—is if they think they can make a profit when the wheels come off via a mis-selling scandal comparable to the corrupt bliar labour diesel car scam and there is compenbloodysation on offer.

A Half-eaten Pork Pie Award goes to J. Berry MP (Cons.) for not realizing that if a government minister had to step down automatically when complained about, then The Blob would have the whole lot of them up to the PM on the sidelines in no time flat with confected whinges flying all over the shop.
“And the legal trade would be up to its eyebrows in our dosh from doing ‘investigations' of all the BS.” Slai Tin Woke

Heirs & Gripeses
Mhegan the Muciloid has decided that her whole menagerie requires a Royal title apiece. The dog will now be called Prince Wuff and the budgies will be Princess Tweet and Princess Chirp.
Mhegan the Muciloid is outraged by the amount of attention being stolen from her by a mere limey amateur like gobnarzi lineker. The sheer unfairness of it all is truly breathtaking.
[That might have been slimy rather than limey. Ed.]
“Wot next from adolf? The internet equivalent of some book-burning?” Dan Druff
“lineker Heil? Nein, lineker Veil.” Sue Gravy
“The gobnarzi bloke is a bigger threat to world peace than China & Putinstan combined.” Des Pickable
The last word?
“WTFH does a wee gobshite like him kno about anything anyway?” Pink Ushion

Something that's difficult not to imagine is the Archybish of LA**,who did a christening service for the Muciloids, as a long-haired hippie with a drug-glazed Xpression (like Prince Hairy's) in jeans and a T-shirt.
[** Actually, he's only a bishop but it's too much to Xpect Prince Hairy to be bothered with details like that in his Court Circular. Ed.]

Just a thought:
All the insulation in the world won't do you much good if you can't afford to put any heat into your home.

Public Service Announcement He's been called the Blogger of the Decade His intellect is matched only by the size of his luck and the size of his bank balance. And yet he manages to keep his Feet On The Ground with the greatest of ease. Do yourself a favour and find out what Xavier has had to say about what's going on Right Now!

Hey! Hey! striking for pay!
How many folks have you killed today?

WEEK 3    Putin the ‘perp’ into perplexed

 
How surprising that Wimbledon has joined Team Putrid and intends to let tennisists from Putinstan join in the flagship tournament. Clearly, the right buttons have been pushed.

The Home Sec.'s observation that the civil service Blob is trying to sabotage her plans amounts to a cowardly attack on their impartiality, according to the head Blobist, D. Penpusher, which tells us that, like Sugar Ray, he's on Team Smarmer and wouldn't know impartiality if it bit his leg off.

Word of the Week: gobemouche (Fr.)
Hands up 1. everyone who knew that a gobemouche is a fly-swallower or someone who will believe anything Sir Smarmer or another ludicrosity feeds them, and
2. everyone who knew that the French word for gob is almost the same as ours.

The Balls-Cooper woman has made it plain that Labour's approach to the invasion of migrants is to disapprove of everything the Tories want to do, offer nothing in the way of helpful suggestions and just hope the problem goes away of its own accord. Or something HUGER turns up to deflect attention from the illegals.

The NHS mandarins have approved the weight loss wonder drug FattoBastardo™ for use at a time when global shortages have made it unavailable.
   No one is surprised.

Due to the effects of inflation and far-Left politics, there are now a total of 11 deadly sins.

£15 BILLION per year is being spent on lawfare—vexatious litigation and other proceedings with a dubious or disreputable motive.
Chancellor Hunt sez he wants Britain to have the most competitive business taxes in the world but admits that won't happen while he's around.
How are the police going to get a pay rise of at least 17% if they can't go on strike? It's not as if anyone will notice if they start working without enthusiasm, given their current performance figures.

Q: Should we be worried that a MoD nuclear crash test in 2018 was chaotic, confused & incompetent?
A: Not if it was just a test. We should be worried only if the MoD waxworks made no attempt to get the response protocols into a state of organization.
Q: Given the state of competence of the civil service Blob, are you saying we should be very afraid?
A: Thinking it but trying not to say it out loud.
[The nuclear convoy crew not crashing in the first place sounds like a great idea. Ed.]

Hunt is useless (but you knew that)
A thinque tank reckons that his corporation tax ambush will cost the economy a cool £30 BILLION. Another tanque reckons he has scope for up to £97.5 BILLION in tax cuts. Which makes going ahead with his plan to sabotage the economy sheer perversity.
“The snackstabber reckons that growing the economy is one of his top priorities. The bloke next door is making a liar out of him.” Sue Mikstupp

NHS prescriptions in Northern Ireland, Scotland & Wales are not free. They are being paid for by English taxpayers.

Get Guinness on the phone pronto!
The principal North Sea resource Xploiter made a net profit of £87M from gross profits of £264M in 2021. The gross profit in 2021 was £2,100M, from which the Chancellor removed £1,300M via a windfall tax on customer Xploitation, leaving £800M
   Getting this down to a net profit for 2021 of just £6.7M after tax must have taken the world's most fancy accounting of all time.

Whilst Romiley was getting away with it last week, the rest of the country was enjoying the second named storm of the year. No, not Bertie but the perversely named Larisa. Shudda bin Blarisa?

There's an Oscar on offer for being Chinese?
Crumbs!

Macho of the Day - lineker = +500,000 viewers
The arithmetic of what the people want.

J. Smarmy Hunt, who promised us the Earth when trying to become Tory leader; 3% of GDP on Defence, 15% Corporation Tax; failed to deliver when he got a proper job.
   The smart money is on S.K. Smarmer going the same way if he ever gets to be PM. No question that he will be Corporal Floperoony big time.

Sudden business boom
The prime monster has placed a major order for whitewash in case the agitators get too loud about giving publicity to the origin of the Chinese plague, i.e. that plague virus creation laboratory @ Wuhan.
   He is trying to play the 'leave it to the WHO**' card and also the 'WHO sez it's not true' card but everyone knows all UN agencies are in the Chinese pocket and only real toadies are pretending to be impressed.
[**World Health Organization, not the band. Ed.]

A woman who demanded £30K compenbloodysation from Barnet council in London after losing a fight with a pothole has had her case tossed by the judge. She was using an e-scooter illegally at the alleged time of the crime and she couldn't produce evidence of the Xistence of a pothole to make liars out of the council, which claims the road where she crashed is free of them.

A major problem for the TV & film industry in this country is that lawyers are not seen as heroic any more and court room dramas are going unwatched.
   Crumpled of the Bailey used to be cheered by his fans as a defender of the poor & downtrodden and criminals like the Timpson family. But now, people see a wig and think of Sirk Reepy Smarmer. No hero, just a plodding dullard with his hand out ‘coz the world owes him a living.

The BierBC is to rewrite its impartiality rulz to make it ‘anything goes' for ludicrous lefties and cancellation for everyone else.

Q: Anus mirabilis?
A: The gobnarzi bloke's talking backside.

Apparently, NHS customers have a mental health ishue if they claim that the thought of having to work for a living makes them feel ill.

Doublethink is alive & well
Not a good week for the Snackstabber, who now looks without disgust on Team Putrid and thinks the Ukrainians should ask the poisoner nicely how much of their country he'd settle for to stop killing them.
   He's also chucking half a BILLION quid of our money at the French, who have no intention of stopping migrants from getting the hell out of their country via the Channel.
   Bets are now being taken on when the Snackstabber will do a jaunt to see President Shish and come back waving a piece of paper and declaring: "Peace for our time!!"

More Doublethink
One moment, the pundit is telling us the civil service Blob runs the country and gutless ministers just rubber-stamp their whims, the next, he's claiming Hancock's Half Hour ran the country (into the ground) during the Chinese plague pandemic. Spit the bones out of that!

Ser Bier Smarmer's sole political strategy has been outed.
He just sticks the rachelism label on everything anyone else does.
Then sits back looking smug at his own cleverness.
“Sounds like he's due for a Lazy Bastard Award.” Ron Tigrey

Nobody who isn't called lineker is allowed to offer an opinion.
Signed: Duke lineker of narzigob
“If the best the BierBC can do in the way of an independent commentator is Al 'dodgy dossier' Campbell, it is deferably taking the piss. 'Nutter on a bus act' sums A.C. up perfectly” Price Mosquito
“It's a good job Smarmer isn't still Dir. of Pubic Prostitutions or gormless gal would be busted for the hate crime against the narzis of comparing them to a Tory government.” Rolinthe Aisles
“Can we have Smarmer busted for impersonating a 'uman bean? He does it so badly that it has to be a piss-take.” Star Tingun

Q: Why weren't we told about the secret deal between the BierBC director, General T. Davie, and the gobnarzi bloke letting him put any crap he likes on the interweb?
A: Because it was secret?
Q: Ditch Davie for failing on the impartiality front?
A: Deferably.

How strange that the thousands of Blobist civil servants who find the idea of keeping uninvited migrants out of the country upsetting don't give up their rotten job with its Xcessive wages and unearned gold-plated pension.
   Could there be just a planet-size touch of hippocrisy involved in this blatant ignobility?
“Is the gobnarzi to be put in charge of murdering 16 million migrants to make the accusations he's been hurling at the government come true?” Ashkan Hazy

Fish News:
Cod out, Alaska pollock in. Brexit is being blamed.

Tory elder statesman I.D. Smith is calling for MI6 to release its proof that the Chinese plague was brewed up in China. Our spies are sitting on the evidence despite the data coming out of the Untied States.
   The reason for doing so appears to be to avoid making the members of the Chinese-dominated World Health Organization look like idiots and/or to avoid knocking the Snackstabber off his perch on the fence.

Language reduction
An o'besity tsar was bombarded with ridicule when he demanded an end to all animal references related to eating food as they upset greedy pigs, who must now be called individuals with higher weight.
   Furthermore, o'besity in Britain can't be awarded the crisis status afforded to everything else as that would shame those who are.

Put it to good use, then
If King Chuck is as indecisive as advertised, he should build on it by wearing at his coronation, a garment that is half uniform and half suit. The ones Tommy Cooper used to wear for his one-man plays come to mind.
   Also, he should let Hairy attend his Big Day but not the Appalling Muciloid, and he should cancel the Principality claimed for Archybald but not the title the little sister got.
   One in, one out, shake it all about in the interests of not having an opinion.

The Welsh government (Labour run) is telling 7-year-old kids that they are gender-fluid bizarre-berry muffins. Why? ‘Coz the ludicrous left hate kids?

Oh, so predictable
It comes as no surprise that a miserable git Labour MP doesn't think the PM should spend his millions on doing up his constituency home in Yorkshire and shove a whole bunch of cash into the local economy.
   It highlights gross equality in Britisch society, the git wails, Xpecting us to ignore his status as a pampermousse on a big wage, stonking Xpenses and a monstrously undeserved pension.

Laff of the Day:
International Criminal Court @ the Hague issues arrest warrant for Putrid the Poisoner for war crimes and child abduction on a massive scale.

“Now St. Patrick's Day is out of the way, we can ask do the Irish have a culture? Only if you can call booze, fairies & bombs a culture. Which seems to encourage millions of Yanks to pretend they're Irish.” Lokk Tupp

The striking-for-pay junior doctors are Xpected to create the biggest jump in excess deaths in recorded history when the full effects of the strike work through the system and deaths due to treatments not given are included in the reckoning.

The Home Sec., S. Braverperson, has had to order the nation's police farces to stop pretending playground spats are major hate crimes and to get on with doing something useful for a change.

“If drag queens belong in schools then so do paedophiles and similar deviants on ludicrous inclusivity grounds.” Lopez Cantata

Consistently bad is not a virtue
This is why people have such a low opinion of politicians. If the government tells the BierBC what to do, the Labour lot jump up and down and scream their little heads off. If the government doesn't tell the BierBC what to do, the Labour lot jump up and down and scream their little heads off.

A touch too much of totalitarianism
Israelis are up in arms over their regime's plans to (a) trim the power of judges to make their own laws and (b) smooth the path to the creation of a communist paradise with PM Net&yahoo enjoying the same powers of life & death as Putrid the Poisoner, Kim Jong whoever & president-for-life Shish.
[And also avoiding being sent to gaol for corruption if he is self-made fireproof. Ed.]

Grrrr!
The latest yoga incarnation is Rage Yoga.
   It offers booze & heavy metal music in the background to the terminally badly behaved to help them feel good about their defects.
   Wot next?

42% of the people who say 'I do' in a marriage ceremony eventually say 'I don't'. To the delight and enrichment of divorce lawyers.

We need to stop judging people by the colour of their bath plug.
Silicon Valley Bank collapse triggers another bloody banking & stock exchange crisis.
NASA unveils black spacesuits for next Moon missions in response to yells about white spacesuits being rachelist & colonialist.
Want to get your end away? You need Rogered.con, The Premiere Mating Site.
Putrid the Poisoner is reducing Putinstan's female prison population by sending the inmates to be killed in Ukraine.
Labour is urging the government to show 'real ambition' in order to show Sirk Reepy Smarmer what it looks like.
ex-President Trump reckons he could end the war in Ukraine in 24 hours if given the chance to.
Another charity shows its nasty side. Refuge is now one to avoid.

Government blackmail works!
The Housing Minister, M. Govester, has persuaded the major housing builders to sign an undertaking to fix cladding problems under threat of not being allowed to start new projects if they didn't.

Chancellor accused of offering a Labour budget—a 'budget for growth' that won't create any.
“Will Hunt have a lot of Xplaining to do if he's cost the Tories a win in the next election? Of course not. He'll do an Osborne. He'll be off to line his pockets elsewhere instead of hanging about to be moaned at.” Tristan Shout

The ludicrous left are demanding the demolition of Nelson's Column because he was not of colour and he shamed the useless by being good at his job.
“A ban on Wellington boots next?” Sim Ulate
“Especially the black ones. And probably the green ones just to be awkward.” Avinga Party

Impactful Government
The government has managed to upset African regimes by moving to ban the importation of trophies from killing big game.
   The gangs making money out of the trade tried to play the colonialism card—and just got themselves laughed at.
   Their next move was to claim that a ban on trophies could push the Dark Continent into the hands of Russia or China.
   This doesn't work either as Putrid the Poisoner doesn't have cash to waste in Africa and most of Africa is already dark because it's in the death grip of a local despot plus the dead hand of Chinese communism and its unaffordable infrastructure projects.
[The Bill was offered to the Commons by the MP Henry Smith, who is nothing to do with the Romiley Literary Circle member and author Henry T. Smith. Ed.]
“A real nail in the trophy lobby's coffin has to be the pretence that the support of G. Monoblot is difference-making and he's a celebrated ecologist. I don't remember ever dashing to put the flags out for Moonbat Day.” S. Pelchek

A Government Fantasy
The Britisch government reckons it stopped giving aid directly to the Indian government; to pay for its space programme, etc.; in 2015. But it managed to slide £2,300 MILLION of our money Indiawards between 2016 and 2021 by calling foreign aid something else.
   Clearly, the message that a nation that has its own space programme does not merit a sub from the Britisch taxpayer is being ignored wilfully.

You can get away with anything now. How? Just plead mental 'elf ishues. No need to provide any proof. The idiots in charge will swallow any old load of malarky these days.

“On the one hand, there is a perceived need to take care of The Planet. On the other, there is a wealth of knowledge of the havoc that can be wreaked by unskilled labour & well-meaning but feckless meddlers.” Carr Bonated

Today’s Disease: Aerophagia
Also more commonly known as Garfield's Disease, it is a side-effect of swallowing large amounts of air whilst scoffing food recklessly.
   Supersonic burps are possible for those with a Garfield Rating as low as 0.6 Garfields at room temperature.

False Dawn
Oh, dear. The miracle weight-loss drug FattoBastardo™ suppresses the appetite but does nothing to bolster the willpower. Thus dedicated scoffers become the size of a house again when they stop taking it.
   As an added complication, it is in very short supply and the medical trade can't agree whether it is or isn't a Good Thing and safe to scoff on a permanent basis.

You have to conclude that the teachers of today are fundamentally rotten sods if they won't tell parents about the sexual deviations & perversions they're unloading on their customers in schools.

 Collusion or corruption? 

Sugar Ray, Smarmer, the Boris stitch-up

Routine Labour political shenannygoats?
A criminal conspiracy?
A crime against humanity?

Don't expect any sort of honest conclusion from the political establishment. Especially with a Labour jobsworth like Harridan Harperson playing judge & Xecutioner.
“It's just Labour doing what they do best—wasting taxpayers' money on playground politics and pretending they don't do exactly the same as the Tories they're trying to smear.” Jakob Skreek

A former BierBC icon has accused the gobnarzi of confecting the shambles @ the BierBC that got him a cosmetic suspension cum night off with full pay as a self-publicity stunt.

“H. Yousaf is an SNP leadership continuity candidate only in that he has been a disaster in the jobs he's done, just like Wee Burney, and all he's offering is to keep the disasters coming.” S. Ynapse
“He's out of the same box as Jonah Burnham, the Greater Manchester cosmetic mayor—people dying of neglect at Stafford Hospital when he was a Health Department minister. all the banks went bust when he was moved to the Treasury, and when he popped up here as GM Police & Crime Commish, GM Police ended up in administration as useless and the Chief Con. got the sack for being crap. Not the sort of continuity anyone needs.” Valdemar Puddin
“The SNP also have their own version of Sugar Ray in Liz Lloyd, a politically appointed civil servant on £100K.” Traj Mahal

Job vacancies in UK fall to 112 million. Disaster for economy.
[Anyone seen a decimal point? I think we've lost one. Ed.]

++ Oxfam 92-page guide to mealy-mouthed bollocks Xposed ++ Not an organization to touch with a bargepole now ++
“For example, 'headquarters' has been cancelled because it promotes the idea that one part of the organization is more important than all the others. Sheesh!” Cherie Pickable
“There seems to be an amazing number of actual nasty bastards among the PC idiots in the charity sector. Strange that the people who are supposed to be in charge can't see this.” Una Vailable
[Possibly because a lot of the bods in charge are nasty bastards or PC idiots. Ed.]

Least convincing alibi of the century? Has to be the gobnarzi getting another day off with pay ‘coz he reckons he's lost his voice.
“Probably parked next to his marbles.” Takim Valkiery

Huge numbers of kids bunking off school are solving the problem of large class sizes. Teachers are outraged because they are being deprived of one of their main Xcuses to have a good moan.

This year's BierBC Comic Relief charity fund-raising campaign has been sabotaged by the rachelist outpourings of Labour MP & general waste of space D. Lammy. Ta, for that.

Q: How can the Labour party object to Boris Johnson's dad going into the Haus of Frauds if they put walking disgrace to humanity Tom Watson there?
A: They're a buncha gobnazri hippocrites?
Q: What Xactly does a Bee Feeter @ the Tower of London do?
A: Makes sure that the resident honey bees don't suffer from corns or verrucas.
Q: If there's a hi-ya luronic acid is there also a bye-ee luronic acid?
A: Sure sounds like there ought to be. And maybe also a see-ya luronic acid for good measure.
“Isn't there also higher & lower luronic acids?” S. Nivlingit
[The list seems to be pretty endless. Ed.]

Oxfam? Just say NO!
Oxfam should be done under the Trade Descriptions Act for distributing an ‘inclusivity' guide which is nothing more than a liest** of words that are Xcluded.
   And the people running what was once a respected charity need to be detained under the Mental Health Act as they are clearly not in touch with reality.
[**Interesting typo: liest = a list of lies. Ed.]

Strikers had 1,500,000 days off over the winter season.
Budget Views: Tories offer sticking plaster for economy, Labour offers wrecking ball.
A BMA union rep is advising doctors just to disappear off on strike and hope that their boss doesn't spot their absence & dock their wages.
Putinstan demands ICC issues arrest warrant for Pres. Creaky Joe on equality grounds.
Burneygate claims another scalp. Her husband ousted from top slot in SNP party machine.
Weather forecasters predict covid jethro showers. [cloth + ears = this Ed.]
Government to create 200 million more potholes. Or something.

The legal trade avinga laff again
A prosecutor actually got up on his hind legs and proclaimed that a bloke who's pretending to be a woman raped an actual woman with ‘her' pianist.
   As soon as the judge takes the black cap off, it will be round to the Court of Appeal, at further Xpense to the taxpayer, with the message: "This is cobblers, Milords. A woman doesn't have a pianist."
   And the noble lords will have no option but to agree and bin the conviction.

The African nations that make money out of trophy hunting of big (and relatively small) game are blaming the gobnarzi and like-minded luvvies for getting the importation of trophies into the UK banned via their misdirected rants.
“It's all very well for Afrons to take a pop @ the gobnarzi for lecturing from a position of supreme iggorance but they are missing the whole point of what being a gobnarzi is all about. Namely, being able to do a rant without the inconvenience of knowing for sure that you're talking bollocks.” Drun Kensailor
“I just can't get Xcited about the mopes & groans of a gobnarzi. Does my indifference make me a bad person?” Cal Vados
[If you're not Alibi Campbell or Squeers Morgan, you're okay. Ed.]

Advertisement Mr. Wydey’s Book List Highly Recommended Reading, Authors worth pursuing & some Awful Warnings, Hundreds of Bux listed!

WEEK 4    Takin the ‘l’ out of Olaf

 
Can't be bovvered turning up for work on time? All you have to do is claim you're dyslexic and you don‘t have to, and drag your employer to an industrial tribunal if the Xcuse isn't accepted.
   A major consequence of the outbreak of wonkism is that nothing has to make sense any more.
There is a rather curious notion flying around that it's okay to break your wife's nose if you do it just the once.

Sadgeek K'han't, no matter what
How can anyone trust a bloke who looks like he's wearing a mask and he's about to mug you?

The legal mind (or its substitute) in action again
A bloke who had an appallingly ugly £75K watch stolen at gunpoint was accused by the villain's defence counsel of not being shy about being rich.
   And that makes armed robbery okay? Sheesh!

It’s that Sherie again . . .
“Still no fraking for gas? Maybe we should be calling the PM the frakstabber.” Slapan Dash
“Good budget point: If people choose to have kids, they should pay for them. The rest of us shouldn't have to.” Beau Nidle
“Will Mhegan the Muciloid and her hairy stooge have the gobnarzi assassinated for taking their precious meeja attention away from them?” 11 Tickle
Go, Ebbels! Go Ebbels! Go, go, go!
“Has anyone else noticed that the gobnarzi is the Dr. Goebbels of the BierBC?” Merda Lors
[You can fit the ones who haven't into the taxi that can hold all the Trivial MPs. Ed.]
“Judging someone by the company they keep is sensible. Which means if the gobnarzi is employing Alibi Campbell to apologize for him, he's a thoroughly bad lot.” Con Temporary

Q: What does A.I. really stand for?
A: There is a suspicion that the race is on to create unmanned aircraft with an on-board artificial intelligence system, which is really a product of an Alibi Initiative.
   If the plane zooms off and nukes somewhere; e.g. one of Putrid the Poisoner's palaces; that's just an A.I. glitch and no one's fault and nowt to be bovvered about.
Q: So if the gobnarzi's palatial residence vanishes while he's out showing his little doggie to newspaper cameramen, we shouldn't be bovvered?
A: A.I. will take the strain, A.I. will take the blame. That's the motto of the Alibi Initiative.

Colour of the Week: Asylum Orange

Labour party members who aren't prepared to make an effort are being blamed for Britain's sudden & dramatic slide down the international league table for life Xpectancy.

One of the Partygate stooges, the MP Y. Fovargue (Lab.) claims that President Boris tells disgraceful lies. Are we Xpected to conclude from this that she only ever tells graceful ones herself?
“What's a Fov and how much do they argue? We should be told.” Belle E. Dancer

Biergate + Graygate + Harpersongate

The Halo of Hypocrisy is unusually bright today Only Labourites claim that any form of justice is involved if the verdict is based on personal malice & pre-determined , and the evidence is disregarded. Which is more trivial & totally meaningless and a complete waste of time—the witch hunt against President Boris or the one against President Trump?

Just do it
AVOID: Oxfam
WHY: Lost touch with the real world & the objectives of its founders
INSTEAD: Anything not appallingly wonk & a waste of space

“The people making a living out of migrants are fond of yelling that there's no such thing as an illegal asylum seeker. What about the bogus ones? Silence.” Al Anfreed
“A her don't have a pianist and everyone who sez different is just being deliberately obtuse and can be ignored. Pointedly.” Avin Galaf
“Having survived Mothering Sunday, are we all set for Fathering Day?” Prin Sairy
[Reach for your gun if the woke spoil your fun. Ed.]

Time to get real
The people claiming to be descended from slaves and rattling a begging bowl should be treated in 2 ways:
1. They should be told to get off their knees and shift for themselves, and
2. They should be handed a bill for all the benefits of white culture that they are enjoying and told to cough up the cash, to which generous interest will be added in the event of any delay.
“The people who are demanding cash from people whose ancestors were never slave owners—claiming they want to distribute it to beggars, after taking their cut, of course—should be awarded 10,000 unpaid hours of community service to take their minds off stealing from their fellow citizens.” Hal Berdash

Not News of the Day
Q: Is it news that the Polis of the Metrolopis is rotten to the core?
A: Not if we've known it for ages and Dockson of Dick Green got the sack because of it.
Q: Is it news that the UN's gorbal warmage swindlers are telling us again that we'll all die in the next 10 minutes if we don't hand over all our wealth to them?
A: Not if they've been trying this swindle for years and that's how long their 10 minutes have lasted.
Q: Is it news that President Shish of China is Putrid the Poisoner's best mate?
A: Not if we've known it for years.

Q: What about the UN's IPCC and its 1 point whatever deg.C limit on a 'safe/survivable' temperature rise?
A: The UN is in China's pocket, which means that a global temperature rise of 3-4 deg.C can be passed off as just 1.3 deg.C, which will be hailed as a triumph for the Warmist fraudsters.

Major Bombshell
The real reason why gorbal warmage is happening has been revealed. China & Putinstan are flooding the atmosphere with greenhouse gases in the hope of melting the ice at the North Pole.
   This will allow Chinese submarines to reach the Atlantic to join in Putridstani mischief-making against NATO by a much shorter route.
   At present, the Chinese have to go all the way around Africa to get to the Atlantic as they are banned from using the Suez Canal and the Mediterranean. An ice-free North-West Passage will get them there faster and let them refuel en route @ a suitable Putinstani outpost.

EFU Court of ‘Uman Bluddy Rights has admitted that it has been buggering about unjustifiably with Rwanda Xport Plan.

Just Gerrit Done!!
1. Dockson of Dick Green to be de-Damed for presiding over the slump of the Metropolitan Police by being totally useless.
2. Same for all senior coppers who received a similarly undeserved gong over the last 20 years.

Auntie-social news:
Chinese gadget TiqToq being investigated by US Justice Department on suspicion of spying on US citizens.
The Donald is back on FakeBuk again after the boss decided to unXclude him.
[Obviously missing the advertising revenue. Ed.]

Rat RoundUp
Sacking of London's cosmetic mayor & police commish Sadgeek K'han't demanded following release of Baroness Casey report on the Met. "His responsibility, his mess."
Label war breaks out. Institutional rachelism, misogyny & homophobia (Casey) vs politicized & ambiguous (current Met Commish M. Rowley)
A BierBC-commissioned rewrite of Great Expectations by Charles Dickens, which has turned the characters into foul-mouthed, spanking junkies, has been dismissed as clueless PCness and a perversion which insults the author. Predictably, there is also colonialism crap by the bucketful in the Beeb's version.
Areas where there is a Labour or Trivial local council will be trying to pretend they've never heard of King Chuck when the Coronation Bank Holiday comes around. Especially Camden in London, where Sirb Eery Smarmer resides @ the taxpayer's Xpense.

Credibility Gap
The mob who make money out of the business are claiming that the UK's ban on importing hunting trophies will wipe out all wildlife in Africa.
   But there is nothing to stop those with the cash & the inclination from going to Africa and blasting away to their heart's content. So much for an end to the trade and the salvation of the world.
[There will just be a new balance struck, and the trade will continue. Ed.]

Looking down from a great height
   upon the little bloke!
The picture of President Eleven of China doing Moscow by 'strutting' as he waltzed along a line of Putinstani soldiers in fancy kit was v. striking.
   All the kids with guns looked young enough and naive enough to play Private Pike in another remake of Dad's Army. And they all had their noses stuck up in the air in a very Pike-like posture!

“Not much dibloodyversity on offer there with all them white faces!” Toll Chok & Lenin Onalamp Post

Smarmer News
The smarmy one is planning to steal savings & investments if the electorate is stoopid enuff to put him into the job of prime monster. The cash extorted will then be either wasted or given to the Labour party's mates on the understanding that they bung a decent amount back in political donations.
“Sir Smarmer has a very Gordon F. Broon approach to pensions. He's eager to steal cash from everyone else but relieved of paying it on his own pension pot.” Kurt Short
“Smarmer's problem is he makes it too obvious when he's lying. His gob opens and noises come out. Like, every bloody time!” E. Iptical

Everything Splattered All Over The Place is in line for an award as the least-watched ‘coz it's least watchable Oscars Best Film winner of all time.
The foul treatment dished out to the inhabitants of some of them has led to a move to cancel the term ‘care home' under the Trades Descriptions Act.
NeatFlix is facing charges of making death pornography following leaks of what are claimed to be its plans to 'sex up' Princess Di's fatal car crash and turn it into something that would be at home in a Terminator film.
A company that claims it makes worthy & ethical investments has bought the PornHub pornography website. Presumably on diversity & inclusivity grounds. Not to mention transparency & accountability & ethical leadership. As well as multiple framework ishues.

We are being assured that gas & electricity prices will drop in the summer. But they are bound to zoom back up again to unaffordable when winter looms.
   Not paying much for energy when you don't need much of it is no comfort if prices are going to become eye-watering when you need lots of it ‘coz it's bloody freezing outside. Despite gorbal warmage.

French trade unionists are fixing to storm the Bastille again when King Chuck does a visit to France in protest against Pres. McRon's plan to raise the pension age from 42 to 43 without letting them vote it down.
This month's Royal visit to France by King Chuck cancelled, peasants too revolting & unworthy.

King Chuck has been advised to cancel his coronation ceremony and the national day off in May to avoid giving Hapless Hairy an Xcuse for this self-confessed hopeless junkie to be in the UK.

A quick flash from Sherie
“Have the Putinarzis taken over Oxfam and other charities as part of a plot to destroy their enemies from within? Or is the charity sector just a natural home for nasty bastards now?” Frank Sanbeenz
“Does the Labour party get a bung from the people-smugglers and is that why the Kreepy Krew are so keen on obstructing all the government's plans to obstruct body trafficking? Just asking.” Fallon Roax

All change
The face of the Metropolitan Police Farce is no longer Dockson of Dick Green, the Brazilian Killer, who is still pretending she did a Great Job. It is now that of the flasher, rapist & killer W. Couzens.
   As a result, the bosses of the Met have been goosed into sending spies in undercover to root out the untold millions of bad apples who are believed to be lurking in its ranks.

All that sound & fury for nowt
The ban on importing hunting trophies from Africa will not apply to Northern Ireland, thanks to an EFU loophole left in place by the Snackstabber in his Westmonster Frame-Up, which will let the IRA use EFU single market rules to keep the trade, and the cash made out of it, flowing freely.

Turn About
The smokescreen Labour is trying to create around Graygate confirms that there should be an inquiry into what she was up to with Sirk Reepy during the President Boris stitch-up manoeuvres, and that it should be conducted by a rabid, rock-solid Tory in the interests of fairness if the privileges kangaroo court has Harridan Harperson, someone on the record as out to get Boris by any means, as its honcha.
“If it looks like a stitch-up, if it smells like a stitch-up and if Labour stooges are running around like headless chickens frantically trying to muddy the waters . . .” Smor Gasbord
“Great alibi for Sugar Ray—Selective Memory Syndrome. Should help with playing the victim card.” Takin Moretti

Different battleground
Yob Wars is the latest political thing. Our Snackstabber PM is making his all-purpose guy—The Govester—his Yob Tsar, who will be in charge of persecuting graffitiists & fly tippers.
   Instead of tackling the yobs directly, Labour is planning to make their sires go to parenting classes at great Xpense to the taxpayer and to put cash into the pockets of Labour-donating trade unions.

Silly Expectations
Why would anyone with more than one brain cell xpect Gary the Glitterbug to show remorse for his crimes against humanity? He's a monster and he's in gaol and he's not going to change.
“Gary seems to be an unfortunate name for some. The gobnarzi lineker springs to mind. And neville, another ex-footballer turned professional hippocrite.” Alp Enhorn

The legal trade is up in arms over government plans to cut the cost of getting a divorce and deliver a collective smack to their greedy gobs.

What sort of idiots do we have at the Ministry of Defence?
Ones who tell Afghans who are in danger of being killed by the Talibandits to get their personal documents; birth & marriage certificates, etc.; stamped at government departments in Afghanistan run by homicidal Talibandits who, did we mention this?, want to kill them.

Isn't it time D. Dimbleburger, 184, retired and didn't try to take charge of King Chuck's coronation? Give us a break, mate!

The latest whinge from the gorbal warmage fraudsters is about football clubs flying teams to matches. This has an unmeasurably tiny impact on the global climate. But hey, when did the GWF lobby ever let a few facts get in their way? It's brow-beating someone else into making the gesture that scores their points, no matter how meaningless the gesture is.

Q: Why is sex of no interest to tomorrow?
A: Because tomorrow never comes.

Let us assume that things @ Downing Street really were terribly dreadful during the worst of the Chinese plague pandemic, as Harridan Harperson is pretending.
   That has to be a indictment of the conduct of Sugar Ray if she was on the spot there and supposed to be in charge of everything as the top bod in the civil service—but did nothing.
   Deferably sack-worthy. No question.
“That's the sack for Harperson for confection or the sack for Sugar Ray for uselessness? Or is it the sack for both of them for being ludicrous? We should be told.” G. Wiz
[Can you include Sirk Reepy in your sacking orgy? One hopes these are sackings without a big wedge of cash from the poor old taxpayer. Ed.]

Sports News:
The world athletics bods are still proclaiming Putinstanis to be unwelcome, and transisters are not female and still not allowed to compete against women.

Poisoner News
Putrid the Poisoner, should he live that long, won't have to ‘run' for president when his current term ends. Nor will he have to walk, or even get out of his fave chair in his fave personal palace.
   All that will happen is that the pre-stuffed ballot boxes from the last presidential ‘election' will be hauled out of storage again and last time's results will be recycled—with a few tweaks to let useful idiots in the West pretend that nothing dodgy has happened.
   It has happened before and it will go on happening until Putrid finally hits the buffers. Which won't be long, if reports about his drug use are accurate. And then it will happen again for someone else.

Putrid the Poisoner is believed to be trying to get President 11 to pony up some Chinese troops who can pass for Europeons at a distance to used as cannon fodder in Ukraine. Preferably ones a little bigger than Mr. 11.
[Unless you subscribe to the theory that smaller troops offer less of a target to the enemy's munitions. Ed.]

Donkey Drops
The BierBC is sacking its award-winning BBC Singers to save £1.5M to pay the salary of gary bloody lineker instead of vice versa.
Is it okay for a German firm operating in the UK to put a Union Flag on packets of New Zealand lamb? Lidl don't have a problem with doing it.
++ Muck Lunch devastated ++ RMT staff shirking @ Notwork Rail snub him & vote to accept pay offer ++ 76% of 90% of members okay with 9% more ++
Gorbal warmage fraudsters are predicting that life on Earth will end before more than 27.8% of the world's potholes have been repaired and claiming that it would be a better idea to give the pothole fund to them rather than waste it on a different lost cause.

Why would anything change?
Scotland's 'civic leaders' are out of their tiny minds if they think their next First Meenister is going to fix all the problems left unfixed by Wee Burney Sturgeon. Or even make a noticeable difference in the first 100 days.
   It's still the same SNP in charge and the same civil servants are still on the payroll. Things will just continue as they were under Burney—badly.
[And the chattering classes will pretend to be amazed. Ed.]

Both likely winners of the beauty contest have ishues. Humbug Yousaf has a history of being useless in charge of the health department. K. Forbes is offering an agenda that the usual suspects in her party don't like and will, most likely, try to sabotage by dragging their little feet.

Forbes came up with the best quote of the whole show in an interview. When asked if she would include Humbug in her Cabinet, she said yes.
   But maybe not in Health . . .

Removing all doubt
If Harperson and her kangaroos are planning to go orf on their summer holidays before they stitch up President Boris, that confirms that they are all just political flotsam and we can do without the whole lot of them.

“Who’s the Bastard?
   “Who’s the Bastard?
     “Who’s the Bastard in the wig?”
In the good old days of Crumpled of the Bailey, everyone was entitled to fair legal representation and the legal trade were Xpected to put their personal views aside. Not any more.
   The spread of wonkism means that some lawyers are refusing to dirty their delicate mitts with jobs like prosecuting ecovandals, representing oil companies and all sorts of other stuff.
“Even the most deeply unpleasant are entitled to a fair hearing. Unless, of course, we're talking about the ludicrous lefties of the legal trade.” Khat Mandou

Hoi! I’m over here!
Putrid the Poisoner is so desperate to be noticed that he is having to park nukes in B'yellerrosarossia to get noticed. At least, he sez he's gonna do it. No actual date is on offer for the parking job and building the bunkers will cost zillions that he doesn't have.
   No doubt President Kashmashinko, the stooge in charge of the hosting nation, knows he will get the blame if the nukes are ever used 'by accident' and he's dragging his feet for all he's worth.

Q: How much respect does the boss of the Bonk of England have for the Daily Disaster's financial guy, A. Bummer?
A: Not a whole hell of a lot if he orders the Bank to reduce its interest rate and the honcho & Co. raise it.

The BierBC, Sky & Channel 4 all claim they have to treat the fantasies of D. Cummings of Barnard Castle, A. 'Dodgy Dossier Killer' Campbell & gbl as fact on inclusivity grounds [that's including BS as well as reality, Ed.] and in pursuit of their mandate to give the ludicrous left a free ride, especially when tolchoking the Tories is involved.

Something to Avoid:
Magnum ice creams on a stick, which are now 3 for the price of 4 as well as 9% smaller.

How strange that the world's press isn't claiming that the world is coming to an end in response to the riots in France. It there has been riots like that here, there would be no end to the pontificating about them. But in France? Nothing much. Which just confirms how unimportant France is in the eyes of the rest of the world.

The SNP has been accused of comprising wall-to-wall whingeing masochists for electing the known to be useless Humbug Yousaf as their honcho. Burney continuity it may be but going from bad to just as bad and keeping going with Burney's daft plans is just plain foolish.

Sherie lines them up . . .
“Burney reckons that Humbug will be outstanding, which confirms what an idiot she is. But electing Humbug Xcuses the SNP from having to play the ethnic minority card again anytime soon.” Toll Storie
“Humbug to destroy the Union single-handedly, or so he reckons.” F. Uqaduk
“Petulant, vexatious activist is about the kindest thing said about him!” Anno Pengoal
“Forbes would have been a good leader, so she had no chance in the SNP's own little world.” S'Pro Vayetyem

"Mort Au Roi" and other graffiti plastered all over Paris isn't something sinister; Xcept in the literal Latin sense of belonging to the left; it's just the ludicrous left doing what they do—being ludicrous.
“Is comparing Pres. McRon to the much slandered Marie Antoinette in fact just a cute way of saying as many lies are being told about him by idiots who don't know that brioche is just posh bread, not cake?” Adolf Density
“With King Chuck going to Germany, we're all waiting for the riots to start there!” Plaid Lining

What have we learnt from the Smarmer cute tax return manoeuvres? Well, nothing new.
   That sort always pretend to be wonderfully moral but there's always some cute little scam to avoid paying their full whack. Because they're entitled. Such as not paying tax on his pension fund contributions when he was Dir. of Public Prostitutions and not putting the notorious paedophile J. Savile in gaol.
“The Smarmer pension scam was worked by his mates in corrupt bliar labour, let us not forget.” Exile Intibet
“No pension cap for him, but one for everyone else so a Smarmer government could steal the 'excess'. That's more taking the piss than being ludicrous, but just as bloody heinous.” Astrid Angrid
“If Creepy Smarmer doesn't know what a woman is, how will they know if they's halved violence against women & girls, as they is threatening to do? Silence.” Pann Dermic

Harperson’s Law
“Is it true that the boss of NHS England reckons that cutting the training period of new doctors down from 7 years to 10 minutes will solve the staffing crisis?” Major Violence
[Surprisingly, applying the rules used by the Labour-run Commons privileges committee to Xclude inconvenient facts and allow only convenient ones makes this statement factual. Ed.]

Uninvited migrants to be parked on disused oil rigs in the North Sea to prevent they [Woke Warning! Or maybe just a typo. Ed.] from sneaking into the community & disappearing?

The leader of Plymouth city council has cut & run. He ordered a midnight massacre of a stand of 130 trees, causing massive outrage among the paying customers, and he legged it before he could face a vote of no confidence.

Sirk Reepy Smarmer has been warned that if he refuses to believe that women exist and all we have in the YouKay are blokes and transisters, then he'll get laughed into o'blivion at a general election. But it's doubtful whether the message will pierce his bubble of ludicrosity & entitlement, which is about as armour plated as Putrid the Poisoner's.

WEEK 5    Putin the ‘boo’ into taboo

 
Prince Hairy on Privacy World Tour
If anyone fails to notice him, he is guaranteed to jump up and down and yell his frustration until he collapses, exhausted.
   King Chuck not being willing to waste any time on him has given him an Xcuse for a megawhinge at being deprived of more stuff to fictionalize in a new book.

“gary bloody lineker isn't one of the blokes who constantly tell fibs—one of the ludicrous accusations hurled @ President Boris. gbl just shouts his mouth off iggorantly about anything. Technically, it's not lying if he doesn't know what he's talking about but the content is the same as deliberate lies.” Woker Joke
“If the SNP is face down in the mud but Scots are still voting for it, they must really be the dour masochists they're usually painted as!” Oban Sezme

Today’s Wisdom
A computer operating system is something essential, even though it is wonderful at doing breathtakingly stoopid things that you yourself would never in a million years do to your PC. It is a constant reminder that The Universe hates us.

Is there anything more contemptible than theGrauniad's grovelling apology for running the world's slave trade? Which was going on 150 years ago? Finding something would be real hard.

Q: Who is the more unconvincing, Bling McRon trying to hide his fancy watch from the TV cameras or Sirb Eery Smarmer pretending to be a Man of the People, not Fat from the Public Purse?
A: Neither can come close to doing convincing, which means that splitting hairs for the booby prize is pointless. Both merit a smack round the back of the head of equal force.

They are at it again
The nation's police farces are planning to cherry pick when they release (or not) the names of people charged with a criminal offence.
   Data protection rather than shielding those with juice is the most popular Xcuse on offer to justify a lack of full disclosure. Covering up hidden police agendas is the most popular conclusion by outsiders.
“The information about Nicola Bulley released unpopularly by Lancashire police is being used as an alibi. Which conveniently ignores the fact that she was a missing person not a criminal.” O. Chin Zit

“Warmonger Campbell claiming President Boris didn't have a bad case of the Chinese plague [implying he swanned off on holiday when he was in hospital? Ed.] just confirms what we know about Campbell and the rest of his gang. That they just can't stop lying.” Avinga Giraff

Nothing you say is private
It's true, CrApps on pocket phones and tin cans & other 'smart' gadgets in the home listen in on everything the user says and keep track of their location. Nothing good can come of this.

Desperation Road
Putrid the Poisoner's legacy regime is having to raid museums for Soviet era tanks 'coz those rotten sods in Ukraine keep shooting his modern ones to bitz.

“Why weren't Harperson & her fellow kangaroos obliged to stick a hand on a Bible and swear they weren't doing the stitch-up on President Boris that they're evidently doing? That they didn't tells us all we need to know about the lot of them.” Ann Grifekt

“A gang who feel obliged to apologize for the wonderful composer Beethoven is claiming that he might, maybe, cudda have had liver disease and he didn't drink himself to death at the then fairly ripe old age of 58. But who cares? We still have the music, whatever.” Bierce Doshan

The message from Birmingham, where a bloke was set on fire by an Islamist arsonist, seems to be that the locals need to stay vigilant. Where there's one nutter, there are likely to be more.

is ancient comic Dick Van Dyke doing driving a car at 97? And doing it badly enough to ding himself in a crash.

Let us not forget that anything coming out of the United Nations Organization is polluted with all the political crap smeared on it by scroungers and outright fraudsters.

The BierBC is to be sued for damages by descendants of Charles Dickens for attaching the writer's name to perverted travesties, which use his titles & characters.

Today’s Word: Misophonia
No, not a tendency to forget where you left your phone. Rather, an over-reaction to common sounds, such as someone slurping their soup, which is about as common as you can get.

Q: Is a monogamist someone who shoots only one kind of big game?
A: That sounds daft enuff to be true!
Q: Who thinks he's entitled to drive @ 78 mph in a 40 mph limit zone?
A: Greater Manchester's cosmetic mayor & Police Commissioner and one-man disaster zone Jonah Burnham. [a.k.a. Jonah Burn-up? Ed.]
Q: Is having double standards twice as good as having single ones?
A: Depends how ludicrous a leftie you are.
Q: Has Wee Burney achieved anything by waiting 8 years to apologize for forced adoptions that were nothing to do with her as they were pretty much before she was born?
A: Cheap gesture by a failed politician, dismissed as routine political hypocrisy.

Grrr! in all directions
Muck Lunch & his trade union counterparts are outraged @ the way the French have shown that when it comes to being idle, parasitic skivers, the Frogs rule and the Lunch Mob are just a tiny blot on the landscape in comparison.

Quote of the Week: "We will not tolerate violence." – Bling McRon, Pres. of France
[yeah, right Ed.]

Not quite dead
Having been written off by the chatterers as NBG, Marks & Sparks is now okay again. Could the same fate be in store of the John Lewis chain when the chatterers get fed up of ratbagging the company and pick on someone else?

The GP system in the UK is going the same way as the veterinary trade. Big American companies are buying up GP practices and running them for their financial gain rather than for the benefit of the customers.

Minimum pricing of alcohol keeps 150 Scots per year alive and miserable 'coz they can't afford booze.

Today’s Ishue:
Do the wealthy 'punish' the poor by not giving them bigger handouts from their assets? Or do the poor punish themselves by not making an effort?

Talking Britain down is not working
The Bonk of England has cancelled its planned 2-year recession. The Office for Budgie Responsibility is also out of the recession game.

Q: How do you bag a Munro in Scotland and why?
A: The bagging is done by reducing pieces of a mountain over 3,000 feet high to rubble and placing the bitz in a suitable container. The bagger then takes the bitz home and uses them to fill potholes neglected by their useless local council.
Q: Before the 3-point seat belt was invented, what kept motorists safe?
A: Not bloody crashing into things. Doh!

Doshans of Delusion
Prince Hairy is attempting to appoint himself the sole regulator for the Britisch press and its Xecutioner if any part of it doesn't wallow in constant praise for him.
   Did he go to the same Smug Bugger School as gary bloody lineker? The smug grins are interchangeable.
Q: Why is Prince Hairy here on his tod?
A: Mhegan the Muciloid has been banned from the UK until after she apologizes to the Great Britisch People for her shameless & persistent rachelist attacks on them.

Another reason for steering clear of Gooble
Its A.I. chatbot was programmed by members of the ultra-ludicrous left in the Untied States and it ‘thinks' O.J. Corbynstein is Brilliant!, even though he's not a transister, and Brexit was a worse disaster than World War II.

PM Snack in favour of crack
ing down on trouble-makers and laughing gas use recreationally, something which the Trivials seem to want encouraged if they're opposed to a ban on nitrous oxide sales.
Q: ‘Up to 2 years in gaol' for snorting nitrous oxide means what?
A: The police ignoring thousands more crimes.

Is Putrid the Poisoner dead?
This is a conclusion which is being drawn from the sheer number of doubles, who have been deployed this year for the TV cameras.
   With lotz of fakes available, the reasoning goes, there is no longer a need for the original.
The double paraded in the wreckage that was once Mariupol, Ukraine, last week has been voted the least convincing of the collection.

“If Albania's PM thinks corrupt bliar labour is a good role model and he's being ‘advised' by A. ‘Killer' Campbell, no wonder his customers are paying a fortune to escape his paradise on Earth and get to the UK in small boats. Hope they enjoy Rwanda or an oil rig in the North Sea instead.” Jan Kerse
“Falls over in amazement! Some of the Albanian PM's minions actually have enuff good sense to spot that their customers are playing the asylum game, assisted by parasites in the UK.” Watt Supdoc

The police not tackling criminals making money out of drugs and the consequent epidemic of drugged-up drivers are getting the blame for the latest A&E crisis.
The Office for Notional Sadistics has managed to bump the sex crime total over the magic 1,000,000 for the 12 months to March 2022. Not that this is anywhere close to the actual number of cases that reach court, which is no more than a couple a week in some areas.
Agatha Christie novels are being encrapped by woke rewrites, which make them unreadable. Avoid new editions like the Chinese plague!
It has been calculated that for every actual transister, there are 83,207 ludicrous lefties, a.k.a transporters, with nothing better to do than wail that they (transisters) are not being worshipped properly and that is an Xcuse for violent mobs of idiots to attack real people, especially real women.
“And the dire thing is that the ludicrous left keep ignoring the abundant evidence and keep on claiming that the transporters aren't involved in making death threats and violent assaults.” Ronder Santis

O.J. Corbynstein to the Haus of Frauds to prevent him from winning his seat in the Commons again as an independent @ the next general election?
   Definitely a Smarmer-grade solution!

Below the line mission statement: Some of the above is true. BFN is recognized as a premiere class observational blog and a multiple winner of the OB of the Year award.
   We are constantly exposed to dodgy conclusions drawn from dodgy data by the 'experts', especially those found in the world of politics and especially those at the Treasury and in opposition. Some of us civilians at BFN like to join in to let them know that anyone can do it and we ain't impressed by their efforts.

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Created for Romiley Anarchists' League by workers in revolt against oppression to set the record straight in the 3rd millennium. © RAL, March MM23 like anyone cares.