++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Your rota block letter for power cuts: G PLEASE KEEP THIS INFORMATION SAFE ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Some grasping twats are on strike–BFD

WEEK 1    Putin the ‘lumbered’ into lumbago

 
Blame game time
The French are blaming the flood of migrants across the Channel on those Britisch charities which make money out of migrants. The charities, the French reckon, are sending spotters to the beaches of Northern France to warn people smugglers when a French patrol approaches and ensure that their profit margins remain high.
Israel's Putinesque & corruption-prone leader, Mr. Net&yahoo, is doing his best to provoke a local war with the Palestinians, who are, natch, to blame. Someone not getting the attention he craves?

Following a string of failed forecasts, the Office for Budget Responsibility is to be renamed the Office for Bollocks Repetition.
   As for the International Monetary Fund, which is also notorious for getting things wildly wrong, the alternatives 'Ignorant' and 'Moaning' are more or less agreed upon but there is still some debate about the 'F', with a significant minority content to let it stand for the usual.

Abundant surveys have concluded that the nation does not love a kreepy smarmer and most think Labourites are unprincipled chancers out for what they can blag.

Mair Grumpage on offer
Thanks to SNP uselessness, Scotland's new female prison, which was supposed to open in 2020, is 2 years behind schedule and not due to open until the summer of this year. And it's £7 MILLION over budget.
“Two years late counts as an epic success in SNP terms, when you consider the bog they've made of providing new ferries, policing, schools, NHS services, etc.” Raleigh Point
“Alleged Xperts are already claiming that separating transisters from the normal prison population harms their mental 'elf & wellbeing. One small step toward a claim that putting them in gaol for their crimes does the same.” Sil E. Catious
“Is it too much to hope that the prospect of being locked up with predatory transisters will make real women think again before they commit imprisonable crimes?” P. Rojectile
“Let us hope that transisters don't get their tubes of glue out and start sticking themselves to anything important to protest against the bad reputation the likes of the rapist A. Graham and the violent paedo A. Burns are giving their ilk.” Upp Forit

Was worth a try . . .
Embattled Tory bigwig N. Zahawi should have told the world that he had no intention of resigning until he had received a fair shake from the 'news' media. Given the state of the BierBC, he would have been entitled to a job for life under that rule.
“The Snackstabber needs to put N. Zahawi in the House of Frauds and get him to sit next to nonce-finder T. Watson. Then see if Sir Smarmer Xplodes from embarrassment.” Matty Gashchir
“Unlikely as he's a politician. No shame and therefore never any blame.” Gentry Menkal

The Transport Department is a mere 20 years behind schedule in relation to its target for installing charging points nationwide for electric cars.
Probation officers shirking @ home and not doing their job properly are to blame for putting the public at risk from dangerous criminals.

Hype it to the max!!
Uncontrollable A.I. systems could wipe out the entire 'uman race at some point in the century to come, anxious Xperts in the field are proclaiming without having a clue about what things will be like in the 2100s.
   The big advantage of this type of hysteria is that the 'Xperts' will be dead & forgotten, and not held to account, when 2200 comes around and it hasn't happened. Or if hostile aliens arrive and the A.I.s save us from them.

Esso Petrol 147.9p/litre, diesel 164.9p/litre. Petrol profiteering increasing, diesel profiteering remains at the same level.

Wee Burney has a dose of Hapless Hairy Disease if she thinks any tripe that she gets ghost-written after she's binned as totally hopeless will matter to anyone who counts. [Be aware: The Diary of a Nobody has been used already as a title. Ed.]

The London School of Economics has cancelled Lent for 40 days after suffering an attack of wonkism.

3% of sex offences lead to a prosecution (or 1.6% according to another source) and the conviction rate ain't wonderful. So there is no need to panic about gaols being filled up with transisters and transbros.

“Wasn't there some guy called Hapless Hairy doing a mega-whinge a while ago? Whatever happened to him? On second thoughts, no, don't tell me. I don't care.” 10 Cyle

Racing Certainty
Gorbal warmage is Xpected to give Blackpool a climate similar to the one enjoyed by Monte Carlo now and casino owners are convinced that they will have a rosy future when the really serious money moves northwards with the punters who like a spot of seaside fun between bouts of throwing their dosh around.

Putinstan no longer needs to operate a death penalty in prison camps. It just sends murderers and other nasties to Ukraine as Xpendable and soon to be wiped out cannon fodder. Or grave diggers, which are much in demand.

Pronouns for transisters: fi (female impersonator) and fis
Corresponding pronouns for transbros: mi and mis
Pronouns for the genderless/fluid: ci (confused individual, pronounced "s'eye") and cis
Plus the 4 usual ones for normal people.
10 in total, no need for more.
Or 12 if you add on it and its. Neat, tidy or what!

No French tanks will be going to Ukraine, partly to prevent the world from finding out that they are crap but mainly 'coz Manny MacRon wants to stay Putrid the Poisoner's best mate.

Q: How wonk is London's Metropolitan police farce?
A: Wonk enuff to employ illiterates as part of the Chief Con.'s diversity box-ticking.
Q: Is this part of the Dick legacy from when she was trying to recruit people with the IQ of an orange on diversity grounds?
A: No doubt Dockson of Dick Green is getting an abundant share of the blame now she's toast.
Q: When are they going to start giving jobs to dead people as it is unfair that only the living can be coppers?
A: A Dracula Squad must be on the agenda somewhere.
Q: Does a double rapist like A. Graham rape only people who look like him?
A: The facial tattoos must make finding suitable doubles a major problem.

Tosh Patrol activated . . .
The regulator of products offered in supermarkets is to take a pop at products which make vague greenwash claims that they are saving The Planet when no evidence is on offer.

DEPARTURES
theGrauniad, b.k.a. the moaning, ludicrous left Groaner, is going to have to be cancelled 'coz the founder of the Manchester Guardian, J.E. Taylor, and members of his family could well maybe might have done business with companies that used slave labour centuries ago and the newspaper has to be considered hopelessly tainted now.
“One up the kilt for the Pollen Tonybees!” Steve 4mal

Does your art just loll about idly? If you want it to go places, get aboard the D*Y*N*A*M*I*S*M revolution T*O*D*A*Y! Romiley Virtual Reality, 32 Annex, Riverside Drive

"You are misremembering."
Translation: "You are muddling up the lies we want you to spread."

Wilful & Persistent Misuse of Language
Wee Burney Sturgeon is to have her English O-Level cancelled because she doesn't know what the word homophobic means.
   Fear of sameness does not apply to transisters, no matter how much Burney wants it to, as they are not the same as either men or women
Her claim that they are a different race in an attempt to play the rachelism card is just plain silly.
“Wee Bee has labelled transisters & transbros as Xtreme homosexuals with that remark. Which should make her even more popular.” Kline Keyster

No Zahawi virtue gained
That Hunt bloke, who's making a bog of being the Chancellor, has admitted he has never paid a fine to HMRC. But he has failed to offer any details of how often he has been fined and the total amount owing.

How strange that the death of the criminal suspect T. Nichols (of colour) at the hands of 5 cops (all of colour) from an anti-crime task force hasn't provoked lots of protest marches, arson & lootin' world-wide. Clearly, only some black lives matter.

Canadians used to be such sensible people
Vancouver in British Columbia is switching from "Canada's smug capital" to "Canada's drug capital" for 3 years. The streets of some of the cities in BC are already filled with thieving addicts but the worthies running Vancouver want everyone everywhere to join in all the time.
Big pharma stands to make zillions out of selling medical-grade narcotics, which will be dished out by the ton on prescription by the medical trade.

Scots used to be such sensible people
Under Burneystan rules, a gaoled killer transister who is claiming to be a baby [rather off the gender map, Ed.] has to be provided with nappies and mushed food, and one of the screws has to hold his murderous mitt when the killer leaves his cell.
“It's a wonder he hasn't got the screws wheeling him round in a pram. But maybe that's next on the agenda.” V. Molodoy

Something worth repeating to clueless politicians:
The Female sex has a double X
If there's a Y, it's a Guy.
And it's our 'uman right to mock
A bloke wearing a frock.

The Groaner is demanding an Xtinction apology to be given to the heirs of the dodo and compenbloodysation for all those distressed by the current lack of them.

The fewer the merrier?
Wee Sterny Burgeon, who presides over the UK's highest death rate from alcohol abuse, would like to kill a few more Scots by lowering the legal age for alcoholic boozing to 16.
“Maybe it's a distraction from having her virtue flag in shreds after putting violent transisters in a female gaol hasn't given her the independence she so craves.” Jon Fr8

Old pals act, or what!
Is it just a coincidence that the embattled governor of the Bonk of England has been sent into a humiliating retreat after making dire and wrong economic forecasts about the Britisch economy and then the IMF suddenly joins in with more of the same?

It’s all about making Scotland different, apparently
Wee Burney Sturgeon is floundering over putting men in a Scottish female prison but there is no danger of her getting the boot, of course.

Putrid the Poisoner's threat to kill President Boris wasn't a threat to kill him, according to Putrid. The threat was made when Putrid was denying in February 2022 that he was about to invade Ukraine for a 3-day war.

Only fair
When someone moans about M. Hancock giving 10 grand to charity, that person should be obliged to declare how much they've given away and if it's less than 10 grand, off to the stocks or the pillory.
“If you whinge but you haven't donated 10 chips to charity, you're a mean & miserable sod, who isn't fit to breathe the same Britisch air as Hancock's Half Hour, who has.” Oliver Hardly

Train drivers are top of the league when it comes to pulling a sickie and skiving off work.
Sirk Reepy Smarmer is not going to let hate spread unchallenged in the Labour party. A special commission will determine that all Labour hate is fit for purpose, and beef it up should it prove lacking. Bullying, anti-Semmitism and misogyny will all receive special attention.
The PM is to ban the ludicrous left from holding trade union leadership jobs?
The RAF is in deep trouble on diversity grounds for failing to recruit enuff communist sympathizers to satisfy Labour party aspirations.

“What Xactly is wrong with selling British luxury goods in Putinstan and taking money out of their economy to prevent Putrid from stealing it for his warmongering?” Uppa Rand

Naked self-interest
The people who have their nose buried in the past are all hoping to make money out of it. Some have a legitimate academic purpose but most are scroungers after cash and hoping to multiply the take by making people feel guilty about what others did centuries ago.
[Should be a serious criminal offence but no sign of it becoming one. Ed.]

Today's Question:
Is sturgeon a protected species or can we zap Wee Burney as a service to The Planet?

An all-day strike & skive session is not industrial action, it's industrial inaction. It's as simple as that.

The Mhegan 'n' Hairy charity raised $13 million in its first year of operation and dished out $3M. That's a pretty healthy profit margin!
"Silence is betrayal," quoth Hapless Hairy. Which means that anyone who is too polite to tell him that he's behaving like a little turd is betraying him. Can't have that, can we?

Today's Other Question:
Can you become a woman just by putting a frock on?

Strikes in prospect
The honcho of the fire brigade union is happy to let strikes go ahead next month, even after admitting he knows that people might die because of them.
The BBC is facing strikes over its plan to kill off local radio stations.

Putinstan has confirmed that Putrid the Poisoner did threaten President Boris with a missle via issuing a crude denial.
   Prethetic, or what!

Reality on hold
There's a growing feeling that what the country needs is a period of Labour government to remind those with a porous memory what a real mess like the one confected by corrupt bliar/broon labour is all about.
Pop-person R. Stewart has succumbed to senile dementia if he thinks it would be a good idea for our current PM to stand down and give the Kreepy Smarmer a go.
“Rod the Sod, we need to be reminded, buggered off to LA when Labour put taxes through the ceiling in the 1970s. Will having Sirk Reepy as PM get rid of him again? Sounds almost worth it.” Karen Karelia
[Almost being the operative word. Ed.]

BierBC journalists do not get economics. They think the Corbynstein Magic Money Tree is real and there is an endless supply of cash, which the Tories are refusing to throw around like Labour on speed because they're being rotten to us.
   Uninformed 'group think' rulz @ the BierBC, reality don't.

King Chuck has been Xcused appearing on the new Aussie banknotes as the Downunder government is having a severe HUTAgonian attack of Aborigine Obsession.

Panic cancelled
An evacuation of Australia has been called off after a thimble-size capsule of radioactive caesium 137 was found. It fell off the back of a lorry whilst being transported by a mining company. No Abbos were involved in the incident.

Social drinking, the Xperts have concluded, keeps driving a stake into the black heart of attempts to create a Dry January.

Seatown to become In-the-sea-town
The Enviromint Agency is making such a bog of protecting areas of the coastline where people live that eventually, some luckless mugs will have to stump up the cost of demolishing an eroded ruin whilst still paying off a mortgage on it.

Today's Advice:
If you're trying to secure £2.2 MILLION compenbloodysation from an employer for a back injury, it's a bad idea to put pix of yourself larking about, boating with your kids, on FakeBuk.

Ain’t That The Truth!

“Too busy woking?” Fleabl Hagge

Christianity is now the senior religion in the UK. Fans of all the rest are mainly under-50s and also young punks who don't kno nuffink about nuffink.

Poverty Schmoverty
The Church of England can't afford to pay its staff or maintain its buildings in good order, it sez, but Archybish Wellby has found £100,000,000 to throw at slavery virtue-flagging. Which leaves us asking when did outright lying about your finances stop being a sin?

Q: Why are so many people, especially minor celebs, being diagnosed as having ADHD?
A: Because it's currently fashionable and an Xcuse for careless and downright bad behaviour, and celebs are natural bandwagoners.
Q: What were the consequences of Colonialism?
A: The transfer of the benefits of European Civilization to parts of the world that would never have created anything like them in a million years. Phones, fridges, trains, washing machines, cars, planes, central heating, the internet, better means to kill your enemies more efficiently.
   No surprise that the alleged victims of colonialism are not rejecting all these benefits. Rather, they all have their hands out, demanding compenbloodysation to hoover up more and more of our benefits.

Stop Worrying!
The football industry is going green and pretending to save The Planet from climate change & gorbal warmage so the rest of us don't have to.

The Britisch economy has been permanently and unfixably broken by locking-in.

G. Verkinghoffstadt, Eurocrap & sometime Belgian PM, is claiming that Putrid the Poisoner was inspired to invade Ukraine by Brexit. He was informed that Putrid started invading Ukraine—Crimea, 2014—two years before our Brexit in 2016. Then men in white coats took him back to the asylum.

Persons of the People
The Royals Kate & Wm. join in the Food Bank Fiesta

This year's Oscars selection process has run into some very severe of-colour entitlement problems. Popularity of a minor entry counts for nothing, the of-colour lobby is insisting. Only the vastness of the fee paid to the leading character counts. And if their film is mind-numbingly tediously worthy and entertainment only for masochists, so much the better.

Going with the flow?
Someone who's Irish was wondering why the Oscars crew, who are supposed to be right-on and woke to the max, have issued a lot of nominations for a film that paints the Irish as drunks & imbeciles, and has as the two main characters, a self-mutilator and an arsonist. Maybe they're just being pragmatic and assuming no one will challenge the accepted stereotype.
Does it say something about the Irish that their emblem is a shamrock rather than a real one?

Non-stop whinge
The third anniversary of Brexit Completion on January 31st brought forth an admission from Pollen Tonybee of theGrauniad ludicrous tendency that she has been frothing at the mouth since the referendum result was announced in 2016. Which leaves us wondering what else we can do to upset her even more!

According to some bird who was once in a Bond film, being French gives her a licence to be rude to everyone else. [Especially if you're from Paris. Ed.] Which is not Xactly something the rest of us have failed to spot.
   Being French also gives you a right to be crooked, if recent mayors of Paris & French presidents & PMs are standard issue Frogs.

Bremoaning Brexit buffoon G. Miller accuses Deputy PM Raab of failing to appreciate her antics. More attention seeking?

The Welsh Rugby Union is so desperate to be noticed—even if it's just to be laughed at—that it has banned fans from singing the popular and traditional T. Jones anthem Deliah at matches. Choirs that have been rehearsing it are especially outraged.

Let us take stock:
A bloke in a frock
Izzard not to mock
We can only make merry
With that weirdo Perry.
Feed 'em all to a croc!

Vulnerable or incompetent – can anyone indicate the dividing line?
No doubt a usual suspect will for an enormous fee.

The BierBC plan to cut costs by ditching Radio 2 is working nicely. Audience numbers are tumbling as popular DJs get the bullet and heading for the desired Almost Net Zero, which will justify closing down the service completely.

The woking industry has decided that Earlier American Injuns are not allowed to wield a scalpel in a novel or film drama as snoflakes & other sensitives will become distressed by thoughts about the Injun practice of scalping people to show them who's the boss.

Sherie’s first RoundUp of the month
“When deputy PM Raab is cleared of bullying, will all his accusers be demoted or sacked for being unfit for purpose? That would be only fair.” Truli Falsch
“Muck Lunch, the union boss, a member of the working class? In what universe? How much work has he ever done?” Oleg Bohemia
“Under the Trades Descriptions Act, train drivers should not be allowed to call themselves that if they're not driving any bloody trains.” Montavius Pylark

Department for making lemonade from peanuts
The Census Department is still trying to make its mind up about Bungay in Suffolk. According to the 2021 census, the town contains 100 times more Satanists than anywhere else. And yet, there are no videos on auntie-social meeja to confirm this. Which means the Bungay branch of the Demonic Church of Satanism are either ultra-discreet or a load of bloody liars!

Labour isn’t helping
Most Londoners think their cosmetic mayor, Sadgeek K'han't is no help to those struggling with the costa living crisis. In fact, he's pretty much a concrete block around your ankles when you're drowning kind of guy.
   His policy of banning vehicles & taxing small businesses out of Xistence has been voted the worst act of political vandalism this century.

Advertisement Mr. Wydey’s Book List Highly Recommended Reading, Authors worth pursuing & some Awful Warnings, Hundreds of Bux listed!

WEEK 2    Putin the ‘s.o.b.’ into sob story

 
Further thoughtless cancellation is yet further proof that Wee Burney is out of her tree.
The SNP is planning to drive the Scotch whisky industry into Xtinction with a ban on awareness campaigns such as advertising and sponsorship of events.
   The tourism industry will also take a hit if whisky-related trips to Scotland are cancelled. This will knock on to other businesses which benefit from tourism. How that will turn Scotland into a self-sufficient nation which can stand on its own two feet after independence has yet to be revealed.

Can we make things worser? Yes, we can!
There is a move afoot to rewrite the rules for government ministers to make them have to go into hiding in the bushes until cleared of vexatious allegations made against them by Blobsworth civil servants.
   This amounts to just another form of bullying and an attempt to Xert coercive control over ministers who refuse to stand for civil servant BS. It's just even more hypocritical virtue flag-waving by entitled skivers.
“This is confirmed by the lack of will to apply penalties to lazy civil servants who make what are proven to be vexatious claims with Blobocrat encouragement.” Axel L. Airate

Trussty Lizzie speaks out!
Her approach to regenerating and reviving the Britisch economy was sabotaged from within by the ludicrous left of the economics establishment and Bremoaners in the Tory party. This is acceptable as an Xplanation as both groups are known wreckers who do Britain down at every opportunity.
What Trussty Lizzie got right:
The diagnosis of the disease afflicting the government machine, especially the Treasury.
What she got wrong:
The PR & presentation, and her proposed speed of change was too fast for the bumblers to cope with.

The Chinese government is in full ‘not me, Gov' mode about the HUGE spy balloons, which it parked over both South and North America as Xercises in intimidation.
The US Secretary of State, Blinken First, has put off a trip to China on account of the strengthening atmosphere of diplomatic hostility from the East.
“No doubt President Shish is demanding compenbloodysation from the Yanquis for having the gall to shoot down the spy balloon once it was over the sea.” Preevy Yus

The former Ceylon will not be celebrating the 75th anniversary of its independence from the Glorious Britisch Empire as, lacking the guiding hand of their benefactors, the locals have reduced a once prospering country into a state of Gordon F. Broon bankruptcy with armed insurgents as an added complication.

Wot's the next tipping point? Water bills. But don't worry, there'll be another along in a minute.

The Wee Beesom has spoken!
It is the Scittish government's wish that henceforth, its customers will be designated as individuals rather than men & women. As a result, no problems will arise when an individual is sent to an individuals' prison.

Today's Top Headline:
Graham Bryson convicted in Scottish High Court of vexatious budgie smuggling.

Angular Robot offers some Ludicrous Left Luggage:
Labour MPs have been paid £4 MILLION by strikers' unions to obstruct the government's attempts to bring in new laws on minimum levels of service.
“All this crap about a Tory civil war over Trussty Lizzie's opinions is just ludicrous left luggage cooked up in a vain attempt to distract attention from the cluelessness of Smarmer & the other stooges.” Robbi Nud
Working class who lunch but don't work. Shirking class who have no class. Ain't life grand?
Why do they get called the ludicrous left? Pretending that Shell's world-wide profits were made only in Britain by this Anglo-Dutch company helps a lot.

Medical Moans
“No surprise that ‘caring' and very well paid GPs are threatening to go on strike. But given the level of service they're currently offering, would anyone notice if they did?” Notre Dome
“The medical trade is still seen as a caring one. Unfortunately, what it cares about now is perceived to be screwing more cash out of the taxpayer for doing less work.” Ratt 10krantz

The smart clothing only rule for going to the races has been cancelled in the name of inclusion after lobbying by the slob & fancy dress communities.

Putinstani tanks going into Ukraine to wreck the joint is Putin wearing his Hitler hat. It's as simple as that.
“The one he wears when he terror bombs civilians in Ukrainian cities?” Bo Zhemoi
“One day, people will think ‘Putin who?' when they see his name. Shame it won't be tomorrow.” Chashka Chaivon

Prethetic, or what!
A gas company boss's default alibi, e.g. for breaking into homes to fit a pre-payment meter: "There is nothing that can be said that can Xcuse it. That's why I'm saying nuffink."

Wee Burney's latest alibi:
That Graham bloke, who makes no secret of still having a pianist, is only pretending to be a woman and so he doesn't count as a transister.
“ I bet one of her stooges came up with that. It's too smart for Burney.” Fran Siffle

The reverse of havoc by accident?
It has been pointed out that when teachers are on strike, they are not able to cram transister propaganda down the throats of their charges, which can be only a Good Thing.

The Cloud is killing The Planet
Too much trivial junk data is being moved to and from remote servers instead of being stored discreetly and locally on pocket phones and computers.
   The process eats vast amounts of electricity, most of which is generated by reliable power sources rather than occasionals, and all of which is deflected from being used usefully.
   Vast amounts of greenhouse gases are created as a consequence. Not that you'll hear word one about that from The Planet's political stooges.

Q: Was President Boris right to call Sirk Reepy Smarmer a human bollard?
A: A bollard can serve a useful purpose. Something Sirk Reepy has never ever been accused of.

“Is the earthquake in southern Turkey being blamed on colonialism and/or Brexit yet? Bound to happen eventually.” Bron 2leay

The RAF's recruiters discriminating against white males was a mistake, despite the best of intentions? BS. It was done because the recruiters had the worst of intentions. It's as simple as that.

Need to get somewhere quickly? And without hassling burrocracy? GROT Air will get you there! Any time, any day, anywhere! Sod the carbon footprint if you're virtue-flagging—we can confect any number of offsetting illusions! Romiley Office: 142c Riverside Drive (ask for Ted)

The way it goes . . .
What grounds can anyone have for moaning if G. Glitter, pop paedophile, has been released from gaol 8 years into a 16-year sentence? It's the law and it was always going to happen. It may not be justice but it's the law.

If you see or hear the word 'influencer', turn around and walk briskly in the opposite direction. Financial regulators are doing them for zillions in fines after they recommend dodgy schminvestments.
“But I guess a million bucks is just peanuts to that woman with the ginormous bum.” Don Taymartin

The Englisch Cricket Board is in trouble for running a kangaroo court which puts confecting rachelism convictions against white cricketers before due process and honest and open information & allegation disclosure, and does it despite similar charges being levelled against the accusers.
   No one is surprised.

Q: Will Mhegan the Muciloid become the next Pope?
A: Don't laugh, stranger things have happened at sea.

Box-ticking
An apology from the current Met Commish for the multiple crimes of a police rapist isn't worth one bean, never mind a hill of them.
   Dockson of Dick Green was in charge when the rapist was rampaging. But an apology from her wouldn't be worth even one bean.

Q: Is H. Kane the greatest? Greater than Greavesie? [footballer, Ed.]
A: Not if he can't kick the ball at the goal from the penalty spot. Muppet.

Esso Petrol 146.9p/litre, diesel 163.9p/litre. Profiteering decreasing slighly.

If it's a bit dark out today, that's because the Sun has done what the alarmists are yelling about and dropped to bitz. If you can see where you're going, the panic was all for nothing. SNAFU.

The nation's police are giving fraud the same status as terrorism. A mouthpiece for the Britisch Association of Fraudsters confirmed that they are not that bovvered by this turn of events as there will always be mugs willing to part with zillions every year.

Someone in the government has realized that there isn't enuff Parliamentary time available for frills like banning imports of furs & foi gras whilst the ludicrous left are wasting so much of it on other useless frills.

Medical Manufacturing
The Xploding number of people claiming to have ADHD is a product of diagnosis creep, the Xperts reckon, and mainly a product of self-diagnosis using ‘tests' which can ring in anyone.
Translation: Creeps who are not prepared to make the effort to deal with life's sling & spanners are looking for an alibi and ADHD is a convenient one.

A Chinese firm has been busted for selling vapes containing 50% more nicotine than the permitted maximum. Is there nothing they won't do to us? And how is giving everyone nicotine poisoning @ first & second hand going to help with the spying?

Dented or dead & buried?
We are being told that the government has cut back on the armed forces to the Xtent that they are no longer able to defend us. But against what?
   The threat remains a closely guarded secret [to avoid giving Putrid the Poisoner ideas? Ed.]; assuming there actually is one.
“Putrid the Poisoner doesn't have to wait until the spring to be offensive. He's offensive the whole bloody year round.” Desi Cated
“Something else that's top secret in addition to our defencelessness is the official guess @ the number of excess deaths caused by the NHS strikers.” P. S. Artist
“Will 'NHS strikes' ever go on a death certificate as a contributory cause to the unfortunate's demise? Don't hold your breath.” Dan Drift

++ BierBC maintains its anti-Tory credentials with immediate personal attack ++ Crude attempt to sleaze new party chairman launched ++
Tory has-been P. Hammond is being blamed for doing the current Xtensive damage to the Britisch armed services when he was the Defence Sec. And Dave the Leader when he was leading.

Vegan meals can be loaded with sugar rather than wonderfully healthy, a survey has found. A 700% overload compared to real food, in some cases. Lotz of salt, too, in some vegan meals of mass destruction.

The BierBC accuracy rules have been rewritten after numerous complaints about presenters, e.g. F. Bruce, making stuff up about audience reactions to questions about politics.
   Under the new rules, if the presenter's accuracy level is within 1% of reality, that will be enuff.
The rules about allowing guests on BierBC shows to lie their heads off unchallenged have also been revised to make it compulsory.

Sherie Again
“The places in south Turkey hit by those two R7+ earthquakes look like they've been Putinized. The pictures in the papers look like bitz of Ukraine.” P. Hairy Mandelswine
“One thing that needs to be made clear to Wee Burney & her SNP meenisters is that the population @ large alienating transisters is not a problem. It's some transisters going out of their way to alienate everyone else that's the ishue.” A. Spire

Tokenism still a way of life
Female music persons are up in arms about none of them getting awards nominations for a gender-neutral event if the judges think the blokes are better all round.
   Equality as a one-way street? Or are the ladies peeved because only the blokes got to dress up in an outfit that makes them look like a total prawn.

++ Major outcry around entire world against woke plan to turn NFL Super Bowl into flag football show ++

The staff of a Welsh-focussed primary school in south Wales are in trouble for letting the kids speak English when they're not in classes. So much for diversity and freedom of choice.

To be, or not to be, worthless applied to scroungers with a hand out
Big problem for the wonks creating the slavery victimhood culture. How are they going to be sure if members of the scrounger under-caste are genuine descendants of Africans who were sold into slavery and not descendants of the ones who did the selling of other Africans?
   BTW, slavery was abolished in Britain, almost uniquely, in mediaeval times, let us not forget. It flourished only in the rest of the world, even among communities of escaped slaves in the West Indies, and even the saintly Earlier American Injuns went in for it.
   But maybe the worth of the slavery victimhood claim doesn't matter if the woke can create a vast underclass of of-colour scroungers, who will always be in the debt of their woke benefactors. Who, BTW, steal the cash they hand out from other people and better causes.
No sign of people of influence in Arab countries with all that oil money & their own slavery history operating the slavery victim racket. Obviously, they have too much sense.

Something else the usual suspects need to realize is that having a fast broadband service going to every tiny off-shore island and every remote spot ain't a 'uman bluddy right.
   You want to live out in the wilds and miles from civilization? Fine, it's your choice. But don't Xpect the rest of us to subsidize your bluddy connection costs. Get yourself a satellite system. At your own bluddy Xpense.

We can buy anything
A little research has revealed that the wonk culture is being funded by the Chinese government. All the worthy ludicrous lefties are working to demoralize the West into a state of guilt-ridden paralysis, which will let the Peking Pirates rule the world with the wonkists as their local kommissars.
   The forces of evil Putrid the Poisoner would love to do the same but he's losing a war and he doesn't have the cash for it.

The Xpression 'with knobs on' has been cancelled to avoid giving offence to male rapists who are pretending to be female.

++ Church of England to turn Ghod into trans nondescript travesty ++ Gender neutrality insanity on steroids ++ But will She stand for it? ++ Archbro of Cantab to get bolt of lightning treatment? ++
“Will the doshan bleedas have the courtesy to ask Ghod if she wants to be de-sexed?” C. Manship
“More bolts of lighting flying about if wonk Islamists try the same trick on Allah & Mohammet?” Cocco Van
“A church full of gender-weird people instead of empty 'coz all the normal customers have been alienated?” B. Wildered

"Half Arthur, who's Art in Heaven, Harold be thy name."
   "Rewrite!"

Buy the numbers?
2.9% for MPs = £2,440 more
20% for nurses = £7,000 more
10% for old pension recipients = £700 more
Talking about percentages is generally done to mislead people.

No public sector staff will be sacked or demoted
The wonks running the Prevent anti-terrorism delusion have been outed as useless by a searching review. They have given Islamists a free ride whilst trying to confect an equal threat from the far Right, and they have wasted a ton of TPM on catering for mental 'elf cases instead of terrorists.

The now ludicrous Globe theatre has felt obliged to issue trigger warnings for W. Shakespeare's play A Midsomer Night's Dream as it contains a character called Bottom and some rather bloody murders for DCI Barnaby and his sergeant to solve.
“Shame they're a bunch of Sirk Reepys, who can never find anything worthwhile to do with themselves.” Venta Stray

Q: Is putting a hash tag on something an admission that you've made a bog of it?
A: Sounds reasonable
Q: Are people sad enuff to log every time they laugh at something or do they just make something up when some muppet is doing a survey about something trivial?
A: Probably the latter.
“The laughter situation is not helped by the current wonk ban on humour of all types on the broadcast meeja, particularly on the BierBC and Channel Four.” Giva Ninch

Useless MPs who get booted out by an ungrateful electorate should get a medal the size of a dustbin lid and one or two hundred grand to help them down their sorrows, say . . . MPs.

The Boss of HSBC has been given the Worst Alibi in the World wooden spoon for his claim that banks close branches because their customers beg them to.

Britain's railways, which are currently not fit for purpose, will be made even worse when a Labour government blows BILLIONs of taxpayer's money on renationalizing them. How could they be made worse? Labour will find a way. It's what they do.
   Why is the Labour party so hell-bent on renationalization? Because it throws more TPM into the pockets of the trade unions involved and they can slosh MILLIONs back to the Labour party to say Ta!

Giving the Met rapist D. Carrick 36 life sentences is a silly joke if life doesn't mean the rest of it behind bars for someone like him.

Q: Arse lippers? Heard in a discussion of a vital to the national interest topic on GB Views.
A: "Are slippers", clothears. Some morons are paying £800 quid for them.

Super Do Sixty-Two

The latest Super Bowl, in Arizona this year, was held up by some busker doing America, the Beautiful. A long-haired rock person then did the anthem whilst some weirdo (above) made V-signs with the F-off orientation in all directions! Only in America!
   The Philadelphia Eagles marched to the Kansas City Chiefs' red zone, 3rd down TD from the 2? Just short. Hurts in for one on 4th down. No surprise that Kelce took the pass for the equalizer. 7-all after 8 minutes. The KC kicker managed to miss a FG try toward the end of Q1.
   The PE started Q2 @ the KC 45. Boom! A TD pass to Brown! KC had to punt but Hurts dropped the ball whilst being harassed by their defence, in for a TD, 14-all in the 6th minute. The PE chose not to punt on a 4th & 5; Hurts made the yardage. Would the PE stall at the KC 8 on a 4th & 2? KC jumped, walk-in TD for Hurts, 14-21.
   A couple of minutes to half time. Mahomes was dinged a bit and KC punted. Smith was swindled out of a sideline catch in the red zone but the PE reached FG range, Elliott delivered, 14-24 at half time.
   Fast forward to Q3. An undinged Mahomes took his team to a TD for Pachenko, 21-24. KC took the ball to the PE end zone, claiming a fumble but the catch was incomplete. The PE weren't swindled out of another sideline catch to get to the KC 30, FG in the 14th minute, 21-27.
   The Chiefs went ahead in Q4 with a TD for Toney, 28-27. The Eagles had a punt returned to their 5! TD for Moore, wide open, 35-27 in the 6th minute. The PE went quickly to & goal, another TD for Hurts, who also got +2, 35-all with 5:15 left. KC got to the PE red zone with 2 minutes to go and wasted some time. Would Butker miss the winning FG? Nope, 38-35 final.

Ye cannae make up stuff like this!
The university @ Groningen in the Nederlands is run by idiots, who cancelled a production of Waiting For Godot because the director auditioned only men for the 5 male roles.
“No pussy cats or dogs or chimps or dolphins? Disgraceful!” Al Q'atraz

Will Creaky Joe take advantage of the licence to fly spy balloons over China that President Shish has granted him? Or is there nothing a spy balloon is likely to see that spy satellites can't?
The Chinese regime is amusing itself by flying used cars @ 40,000 feet over Alaska to wind up Creaky Joe even more. Or could it be a sinister Fu Manchu plot to force attention to the north whilst they're up to something really sneaky darn sarf?
Creaky Joe is being teased even more by an 'investigative' journalist on Team Putrid, who is accusing the CIA of bombing the Nord Stream gas pipelines in an attempt to get Putrid off the hook for all the pollution caused.

Labour-supporting trade unions have the same culture of sexism & bullying as the political party, a probe by a KC has found. Who was first to make this their norm, the comrades or the party? You pays your money and you gets your choice.

Come on, Which?
It's no secret that supermarket mini-stores charge disgracefully more than the main store prices; 20% to 40% more in some cases. They've always done it, it's not some new racket you've uncovered.

Science, but not as we kno it, Jim
That daft story about the Sun breaking apart, which is based on nothing more than a routine cloud of ejected plasma forming a ring above one of the poles, is as daft as claiming the Earth's seas and other waterways are breaking apart and forming great fluffy masses in the air.

“Why haven't we had a Chinese spy balloon? Are we not important enuff? Or is President Shish just trying to wind us up and give us an inferiority complex?” Cyber Blitz
“By refusing to talk about spy balloons, the Snackstabber is trying to create the impression that our skies would be black with them if not for his secret counter-measures.” Bollocks 2 Berko

Q: Has anyone done a biography of the mid-20th century Scottish visual paradox artist McEsher?
A: There are two but they are currently out of print. You could always try for a second-hand copy from the usual suspects.

Being really rich is nothing to do with being clever, the Xperts are now claiming. Usually, significant wealth comes through sheer dumb luck and/or being born into the right family.

Public Service Announcement He's been called the Blogger of the Decade His intellect is matched only by the size of his luck and the size of his bank balance. And yet he manages to keep his Feet On The Ground with the greatest of ease. Do yourself a favour and find out what Xavier has had to say about what's going on Right Now!

WEEK 3    Putin the ‘liar’ into peculiar

 
“Did they use the CFL's script writers for Super Bowl 62? It had the same feel as a Grey Cup.” Celeste Yalsphere

Amazing restraint
London's hotels are being unusually ungrabbing, in the main. Only a 60% hike in prices for King Chuck's Bank Holiday coronation!

We note that A. Leadsome, one of the sometime Tory leadership hopefuls, is now a Dame. Out of politics & into pantomime? She probably won't notice that much difference.

Noticing that fat kids are fat ‘could' cause eating disorders. Or it might not. Them Xperts at it again with their haverings.

A South American drug cartel is out $310 MILLION after a shipment of coke dumped in the sea for pick-up & transport to Australia was found and hoovered up by New Zealand's navy.

“Sirk Reepy Smarmer thinks there are votes in letting people claim to be any gender they can invent. That's the sort of useless plank he is.” Smor Gasboard
“Hey, hey, doshan they,
"What you pretending to be today?” Herman Karandash
“No surprise it's a Labour MP who's going to gaol for swindling the taxpayer with fraudulent Xpenses claims to fund a coke habit.” Kup Patti

Labour councillors, current & former, in Liverpool can get their parking tickets cancelled. Cute racket, or what!

++ Small riot in Liverpool @ migrant 4-star hotel ++ Right wingers with quality control agenda vs Lefties making money out of migrants ++ Police stuck in middle ++ No Leftie scroungers busted ++

Today’s Ishue
Is ex-gaolbird G. Glitter going to join B. George (ditto) on a reality show to pick the MVP?
[Most Valued Prevert, Ed.]

It tells you rather a lot about the Russian army if Putrid the Poisoner has to send mercenaries to capture a small village in Ukraine so that he can go on TV with something to brag about as a major victory.

Bad Guys all around
Are the doings of the International Brigade during the Spanish Civil War of the 1930s anything to celebrate? Commies of the Stalinist sort vs Franco Fascists. Nothing to choose between them, oppression of the masses-wise.
“The IB were the 1930s equivalent of the Talibandits or Alky Ida or Putrid the P's mercenaries.” Misan Men

Alternate Reality
This month's earthquakes in southern Turkey were ‘nature striking back in a really harsh way'? What utter bollocks.
   It was just The Planet doing what The Planet does when it needs to make an adjustment to its outer layer with no reference to the creatures on the surface.
   No surprise that the tripe came from someone at the UN.

Well, it is happening in America . . .
The prosecutors in the death on the film set case in San Diego are working overtime to confirm that their aim is to make the actor A. Baldwin their scrapegoat. Their indignation over the actor's lawyers daring to point out their mistakes in interpreting the law is a dead giveaway.

Q: Labour is trying to evict the chairman of the BierBC because President Boris appointed him. Do Labour & the Trivials ever do anything but behave like pissant scumbags?
A: Sadly, no. It's the situation normal for some politicians.

The allegedly impartial barrister investigating the BierBC chairman who was installed by President Boris has been outed as a known ludicrous left anti-Boris agitator. So much for impartiality.

Fix well in
The guilty verdict on President Boris in the Harridan Harperson kangaroo court is not expected until the day before the next general election is called.
“President Boris has made 5 million quid since he got the bullet. That's what the pissants are jealous of. He has earning power, they don't.” Jacq Pott

Biological origin rulz
The Scottish prison system has had an attack of good sense and realized that if it doesn't put genuine female criminals at risk if it sticks men pretending to be women in isolation in the female gaol, but it does put the staff at risk.
   And so Wee Sterney Burgeon's 'Pick your own gaol, guys' policy is being ignored.

Need to be on the other side of the world, pretending to save The Planet? GROT Air will get you there! Need to do a cosmetic protest where the cops can be relied on not to beat up trouble-makers? GROT Air will get you there! Need to be in some dump where the yokels will think you're a really BIG DEAL? GROT Air will get you there! Any time, any day, anywhere! Romiley Office: 142c Riverside Drive (ask for Ted)

Rodina Rulz
President Zelensky of Ukraine is rather pissed off with Sergeant Schultz, who seems to think that Germany is part of Greater Putinstan and the Hitler-Stalin Pakt is still in force, and consequently, he shouldn't be helping Ukraine to fight off an invasion by the mother country.

Putin the Poisoner is threatening our Snackstabber PM with sanctions for daring to arm one of Putrid's enemies and frustrate the advance of Putinazis into a neighbouring country.

She never will be missed; Xcept by the people who make fun of her! Na, na, na, naaa, hey, hey, hey . . .
Wee Burney Sturgeon quits as First Meenister, her dream of being Queen of an independent Scotland in tatters, mired in total failure on all fronts and mocked for her inability to grasp what real life is all about.
   Around half of Scots thought she should quit in the last poll on the subject and the trend was upward. It is somehow fitting that what was the final hole in the bottom of the boat turned out to be the trivial issue of her failure to spot that a rapist bloke was only pretending to be female to get into the women's prison.

Sneaky lot!
Examination of the wreck of the Chinese spy balloon that was shot down by the USAF off South Carolina has confirmed that it carried an array of aerials capable of collecting communications signals rather than weather measuring gear.
   Which suggests that China is using its fleet of 40 such balloons [now just 39, Ed.] to watch TV broadcasts in other countries without paying an appropriate licence fee.
“The Yellow Peril is really taking the piss. Are they hoping that Creaky Joe runs out of missles before they run out of balloons & flying cars?” Zuta Lors

Neun und neunzig Luftballons
auf ihrem Weg zum Horizont
Schlechte Ufos aus dem All, sagt ein Yankee General!
[with a nod to Nena, Ed.]

++ Yank general claims at least some of high-flying objects shot down by USAF could be of extraterrestrial origin ++ 3 non-balloons designated as UFOs ++ News meeja ecstatic ++

China is now claiming an invasion of 10 US balloons last year. Or hundreds, depending on who was making the whinge.

Romania also tried to get into the balloon-swatting racket but the air force failed to find a target to zap.

Our Snackstabber PM is trying not to get involved in a media sideshow over Chinese spy balloons as there are no points to be scored.

There can't be too many spy balloons/UFOs about if the internet isn't papered with alleged pictures of them.
“HTFK anyway about spy balloons when there are so many spy satellites overhead?” Mom P. Tissue

“It's rather strange that the Chinese aren't claiming to be shooting down scores of American spy balloons. A trick missed 'coz of embarrassment?” Vera Cross

That thieving coke-head Labour MP got 4 years inside.
Translation: out in one with a tag for a while.

Q: TV adverts seem to contain a disproportionately high ratio of actors of colour these days. Is this an expression of endemic anti-white rachelism in the advertising industry, woke businesses & the meeja in general?
A: It could be just a prediction of that gorbal warmage will give everyone a dark tan and those of colour will lose an alibi.

Last Thursday’s by-election for the West Yorkshire constituency, turnout 30.8%, results: Labour 19.2% Conservative 7.8% Reform UK 1.4% Trivial 1.25% Green 0.9% None of the Above 69.2%

A knighthood or peerage is being demanded for P. Tatchell, the ludicrous left agitator. But for what? Services to attention-seeking would be accurate.

Our Woker, which woke in Wokeland . . .
The Church of Englandland has cancelled Heaven on diversity grounds and because it Xcludes the scumbags who used to end up in Hell; before that was cancelled, too.
“The CoE seems to be well on the way to disappearing up its own arsehole of irrelevance and achieving Net Zero membership. But can the bosses get there before the next generation of political stooges starts claiming it has done the Net Zero thing for our irrelevant carbon dioxide emissions? Which will be a lie of course. But hey, they're politicians.” Amper Sand

Q: Will the CoE save The Planet by nagging its customers into eating fisch on Fridays?
A: Given the number of customers, and their relentless shrinkage thanks to wonk (archy)bishops, this is just more gorbal warmage-fuelling hot air.

The Xpelled Bride of Isis, S. Begum, is claiming that she is just like Greenhouse Grotter—a victim who is just trying to make the world a better place. By actually assisting in killing people by blowing them to bitz rather than just boring them to death with moans, like Grotter.

“That thing about execution for killers being 100% successful in preventing them from doing it again is 100% right.” Hoyle 4 Hogwash
“Better that 100 killers should go free to kill 100 more people than one innocent person should be put to death by mistake?” Ray Paydirt

The BierBC director, General T. Davie, has ordered Radio 4 to end the diet of ludicrous left BS in what are supposed to be comedy shows, especially The News Quiz. But as it's the BierBC, nothing much is Xpected to change.

As big a bummer as possible
Sometime president of the Untied States B. O'Bummer is getting the credit for encouraging Putin the Poisoner to think he could get away with anything and the US would just sit on its hands.
   Even Creaky Joe, who was his vice during O'Bummer's two terms, could see that Putrid is a wrong ‘un. But would O'Bummer listen?
[Too busy polishing his Nobel Peace Prize, Ed.] [what was that for anyway? Ed.]
   In a decent world, O'Bummer would end up in the dock next to Putrid for the murder of 298 people on flight MH17 in 2014 and the deaths of thousands of Ukrainers. But we're in a world that grots on decency.

Gorrim Sussed
If Hapless Hairy is hoping to get another book out of the coronation, his fiction factory will have to go on all-day, all-night overtime.
   The real Royals now know better than to say anything other than ‘Not please to see you, mate!' to Hapless Hairy & Mhegan the Muciloid.

Sherie Stacks ’Em Up
“Shame Wee Bee didn't get the hammer & tack years ago. Not that any of the other clueless wonders is likely to have made less of a can't-do bog up in Scotland.” Bash Talverize
“Wonk to the point of lunacy. Sunk by claiming that Graham bloke, the rapist, is female.” A. Tholbrose
“Personal reasons—not getting your own way unchallenged 100% of the time and being blamed for bogging everything up just 'coz you did.” Giva Rattenkrantz
“Labour has a history of making ‘do a mate a favour' appointments like the one President Boris did for Mr. R. Sharp, the current chairman, at every possible opportunity, including head of the BierBC appointments. No wonder Labourites are dismissed as serial hippocrites.” Shill Bebak
“The furore about Sharp is just the mandelswines & blairies being obnoxious, like they do.” Pes Imist
“We all kno that ‘just peaceful' certainly doesn't apply to anything the Yellow Peril gets up to, especially if their hi-tech spy gadgets are involved.” Splatny Kraposhch
“We are told that our police are using Chinese-made drones which can be taken over by the sinister regime in Peking. But why? And to do what? We never seem to hear anything about that.” Arnold Scaregill
“If diversity is supposed to be vital, how come police farces are not required by law to have 50% competent, non-criminal coppers to balance the crooked & useless ones?” Des Pirate

The plank Smarmer has stopped pretending that the Sun shines out of O.J. Corbynstein's bum. He is now telling the Corbynsteiners to get the Hell out of his party. But that's politics for you now. No beliefs, just say what you think will put you on the payroll.
Council tax to double after a landmark conviction of Bridgend county borough council in South Wales for permitting Japanese knotweed to spread to private houses? The total national compenbloodysation bill will be ginormous.
Shirk @ Homers are not being forced back to the workplace by extortionate energy costs. They're using the cash that would have gone to strike-ravaged train companies to pay for extra energy.
Has the alphabet been abolished by the Met Office as well as good sense? The first main storm of this year is . . . Otto? Aotto?

Grabitage Warning
The ludicrous left have their eyes on the Bank of Mum & Dad. Their whinge is that parents who have made an effort and who are able to pass cash on to their offspring are fuelling inequality.
   Hence their plan to tax family donations out of Xistence in the cause of sparing the feelings of feckless, ludicrous parents and their kids, and making all offspring equally impoverished.

Don’t mention the dosh!!
Wee Bee is refusing to say whether she has been interviewed by Polis Scotland about a £600K Brown Hole in the SNP's accounts. Keeping it in the family, Wee Bee's husband is the figurehead of the party organization and responsible for those accounts.
   The cash was Xtracted from the party's supporters on the pretext of using it for the independence campaign. At least, that's what the supporters were told. But there is only about 3p left in the bank account now.
   Polis Scotland and the Scittish Can't Prosecute Service have been dragging their collective feet over the ‘investigation' for two years and counting.
“Everything in Scotland is worse than when Wee Bee became First Meenister. More the tradition of Tony B. Liar & Gordon F. Broon than that of Margaret Thatcher.” Blah Stoft

More Labour hippocrisy
Angular Robot, Smarmer's deputy, did a whinge about spending on government credit cards, and was promptly outed for scrounging personal gadgets herself @ the taxpayer's Xpense. But hey, she's a politician.
Extraterrestrials ‘not ruled out' as the source of lavish spending on government accounts.
“You have to wonder about the motivation of a ‘top businessman' who has given up supporting the Tories because they're useless and switched to Labour, who are even more useless. Not getting enuff attention?” D. O'Shanblida

There’s effin stoopid and then there’s this
No one is to be sacked for blowing a huge wedge of cash on consultants who don't think NHS staff should use their medical training to make a guess at a customer's gender, and that they should ask the customer what he/she/it is at every appointment.
   No one to be sacked for distributing this nonsense, either.
“The world would be a much better place if all doshan consultants were rounded up and shipped off to some Chinese re-education camp in the back of beyond.” Manic Mechanic
“This ‘don't mention the gender' order to doctors is a load of garbage. It doesn't matter if the customer is claiming to be an ornate aardvaark or an alien from the planet Zarg and not describable in human terms. A medical professional should be able to tell, with the aid of an examination, if the body they're confronted with needs male or female treatment.” G. Ravity
“Or a swift trip to the looney bin.” Blan Dishment

Red Sky At Night, Sunday, February 19th, 17:40
No sign of any shepherds dancing in the streets, but maybe they were still hiding from Storm Aotto; or waiting for it to happen!

A survey has revealed that the BierBC person A. Rajan puts the ‘bum' into bumptious and regularly Xplodes the smug-o-meter.

Are doorstep photographs wrecking The Planet?
There have been complaints about the amount of electricity needed to keep vast numbers of ‘the cloud' remote storage facilities going. What we need to question now is how much of the data stored is junk; such as redundant open door photographs for completed deliveries; and how much really has to be kept.

The goo with which King Chuck will be daubed @ his coronation was knocked together in a chemist's shop in Hull from worthy and right on ingredients.

The latest crisis is a gender pain crisis. Go figure.

That Storm Aotto was a bit of a grotto here. Not that we're complaining, of course.

Just cancel THEM
Some wonks on Twatter want the word ‘fitness' banned ‘coz it Xcludes disabled and unfit people. Applying the same dodgy logic to other words would get all of the cancelled.
   Tall Xcludes dwarfs, dwarf Xcludes giants, thick Xcludes the brainy, thin Xcludes fat & wide. And so it goes on.
“One advantage of cancelling all language is that the wonks would no longer have a vehicle for making their complaints.” Bjorn McGorn

More failure without responsibility
The planks running the Ministry of Defence have blown a million quid of taxpayers' money on woke adverts @ a time when cash is in Xtra short supply. No sackings anticipated.
   They have also blown £31K on overpriced luxury biscuits and £5,000,000K on an Ajax tank that doesn't work. No sackings anticipated.

A former head of the CBI is claiming that Labour is now the party of business. Sad when they go off the boil to that Xtent.

How strange that a dispensed with Public Appointments Commish thinks that only Tories do a mate a favour. Where was he when corrupt bliar labour was doing it? Out to lunch? At the taxpayer's Xpense, of course.

The big problem for the nation is that the Tories have down-brained to Labour's level rather than Labour smartening up. As a result, it no longer matters which party is in office.
   Things will just continue to get worser until the present collection of stooges is retired to the dustbin of history & ill-gotten gains and replaced. But maybe not even then. The up and coming wonk generation doesn't Xactly inspire confidence.

The BierBC's offices in New Delhi & Bombay have been invaded by the regime after an exposé of the current Indian PM's shenannygoats was shown here and put on iPlayer for the world to see.

“The Snackstabber needs to realize that he can't do a deal over the Northern Ireland Protocol with the EFU. Eurocrats are dishonest & obstructive, and can never be trusted. Shame he'll never get this.” Bjorn McGorn

Australia is hoping to buy more Ten Pound Poms with an offer to teachers, NHS staff & coppers of better wages, a lower costa living and the chance to be eaten by a Great White shark off Bondi beach.
   But only the hard-working need apply. No poofter slackers in Oz!

The ultimate alibi
The nation's mental 'elf overload has achieved truly monstrous proportions. There are so many crises on-going now that no one can be Xpected to take responsibility for anything.

The Cunning Chinese have an on-going programme to train red squirrels to sneak into confined spaces to sniff out drug stashes.

The Dept. of the Enviromint is trying to recruit lumberjills to speed up achieving its Net Zero target for removing all trees from the UK mainland.

Tactical adjustment
Labour deputy Angular Robot, a Corbynsteiner, is being sidelined as she makes Sirb Eery Smarmer, former Corbynsteiner (he says), look as useful as a termite-infested plank.
   In future, only really dull members of the shallow cabinet will be used in partly political broadcasts to reduce the contrast with the dull, dull leader.
“Dull & incredible shadows. Like the Balls-Cooper woman, who's claiming Labour has become the party of lor ‘n' orda.” Zen Bargate
“Dull gaslighters are more effective than those who are distractingly chirpy?” Eleven Borgnine

Today’s Conspiracy Theory:
Sirb Eery Smarmer encouraged O.J. Corbynstein to let anti-Semmitism run riot in the Labour party as part of his strategy for making himself the leader.

The legal trade in Italy is in deep mourning. Former leader S. Berlusconi and 28 others have finally been cleared of all of the corruption charges confected against them. The process has dragged on for a dozen years and costa bomb.
“But no doubt there will be another legal feeding frenzy along in a minute, Europeon politics being as corrupt as it is.” Sam P'Chung

“The boss of Barclays Bank might have receive 5 million quid but did he actually earn it if the bank's profits are falling? Sick joke.” Albi Baque

The SNP is intent on banning the sale of peat. So that's the Scotch whisky industry down the tubes.

Popularity will just have to be re-defined
A poll has shown that just 18% of SNP voters want K. Forbes, the Finance Sec., as a replacement for Wee Burney. Which means that 82% don't. And 86% of the Scottish electorate don't want her.
“Labour is the chance Scotland needs, claims Sirk Reepy Smarmer. But only if you're a masochist.” Noah Chance

Today’s Essential Phrase for the over-70s:
"Why don't you fall on the floor, you bastard?"
   Any number of inanimate objects will be willing to hurl themselves to the ground to trigger its use.

Looking for desert truffles in Syria is not a good idea as the local Islamist nutters are likely to kill you.

Things you might not kno No. 487:
Police Scotland enjoys Legacy IT Hampers.

Stuck with an air fryer you can't use?
Experiencing over-purchase embarrassment?
We can supply as much air as you need!
Whenever you need it.
Romiley Gaseous Products, 43b Riverside Drive

WEEK 4    Putin the ‘war’ into thwart

 
Let us not forget that as far as affecting the climate of The Planet is concerned, anything we do here is as effective as putting a bandage on your finger when you stub your toe.

The wonks in charge of Kent University have cancelled the term ‘Christian name' and joined the totalitarian thought-control narzis.

The boss of the energy giant Centrica, C. O'Shea, is being nagged @ in the hope that he will be shamed into a fit of decency and give up his billion quid annual bonus.

++ Ban on fly tipping upsets insectologists ++
"These creatures do an essential job and provide a valuable food source for other species," said a leading member of the community. "They deserve every encouragement and very generous tips."

“If the next Scottish IndyRef has been put back a generation, that's okay. The one held in 2014, which the SNP lost, was ‘for a generation', so the Scots are just back on track.” 2-10 Karmen

Stock clearances & last chance to buy! Everything must go!    Now the brandmaker has gone       Dustbin of History time Rush to SNP HQ, Wee Burneystan for the best deals!

It fits!
“Wee Burney's off. What's that line about rats & sinking ships?” The Keller Brothers
“The difference is that the rats are never responsible for sinking the ship.” Walkon Wildside

Two knife crimes and you go to gaol is the law. But not for 40% of current cases. The Ministry of Justice has no plans to sack judges who wilfully ignore the legal law, however.
   How very Smarmer.

The ludicrous left (especially the ones making money out of migration) calling taxpayers who object to the cost of hosting migrants far-Right narzis is clearly a hate crime.
   So how come the police let them get away with it?
“Could be that the police are useless.” Fulla Vimself

Don't get ill in England. The effin doctors are going on strike.
“Let's all croak then they'll all get the sack for being surplus to requirements.” B. Lashkol

Q: When did the Hippocratic Oath become a hippocritical one?
A: When corrupt bliar labour was in charge.

Nurses are not striking this week and raising the excess deaths toll.

Q: Can I ask you your pronouns today? As per the NHS guidelines which cost the taxpayer tens of thousands of pounds.
A1: Yes, woke medical professional, you can ask. [uttered in a tone making it clear that there will not be a response]
A2: Actually, I'm not using any this week.

Something not to buy:
The current Puffin editions of Roald Dahl's children's books, which have been wonked up & bowdlerized.

The people paying for it are not amused
For no apparent reason, and to the disbenefit of its taxpayers, the Irish government is cramming the place full of migrants. The tourist industry is in a state of collapse because all the hotels are crammed with penniless strangers, who don't fund the local economy.
   Natch, the rachelism & far-Right cards are being hurled at anyone who dares to object to this abuse of power.
   The morons who caused the problem, including the IRA party, are claiming that blaming them for creating a mess serves to embolden the far-Right, which is about as contemptible as you can get. But hey, they are politicians.

Inspiration in short supply
Fox TV is going to make a rehash of the hit cop show Ratsky & Splutch with 2 birds in the lead roles and a crap back story involving their search for the rotter who put their fathers in gaol for a crime the parents didn't commit.
   Yawn.

Q: Is it ever correct to put an Xclamation mark after the word ‘yawn'?
A: Only if you can produce an Xclamatory yawn on demand.

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Narzi Nation
Good News for Putrid the Poisoner. The blame for attacking Ukraine and the current war is being assigned to the Russian people as a whole, which means that Putrid's share of it is diluted to insignificant proportions.

Attempts to reintroduce the Bride of Daesh S. Begum into the UK have failed. The Special Immigration Appeals Commission, in a semi-secret session, has confirmed that Vajid Javid, when Home Sec., was right to cancel her UK citizenship and her appeal has been dismissed completely and finally.

Still Fireproof
All the Home Office's Prevent programme has done is a) prevent Islamist terrorists from being viewed as a serious threat as it makes frantic efforts to pretend that the far-Right poses an equal threat on diversity grounds, and b) blow millions of pounds of taxpayers' money on wonk censorship.
   No one will be sacked for misconduct in a public office, though.

++ Mhegan the Mucilod and hairy sidekick lampooned mercilessly by South Park cartoon creatures ++ Sussed in USA at long last ++

University of Virginia goes wonk
The crew running the place has unbranded its law school by cancelling the name of a slave-owning benefactor. The great-great-grandson of T.C. Williams is now wondering if the university will complete the gesture by handing back the tainted $4 BILLION it has blagged from the Williams family.
   The mugs running the uni have gone mute as well as wonk.

Asleep at the wheel again
The accountants KPMG have been done for £1.3 BILLION by the government's insolvency service for failing to spot that the firm Carillion was dodgy. It went bust with debts of £7 BILLION at the start of 2018 whilst KPMG was supposed to be keeping a watchful eye on its finances.

Do we care that the 5 cops charged with the murder of the at-the-time criminal fugitive T. Nichols in the Untied States have pleaded not guilty? BFD. The guiltiest of the guilty do it as well as the most innocent of the innocent.
   The real story is that the lawyer for the cops is claiming his clients are victims of ‘black man in America' syndrome. Black on black is no crime, is the implication. And if the cops are all victims, they must be innocent. Stands to reason.
[The dead Mr. Nichols and all 5 cops are of colour, in case someone in the far future is reading this and wasn't paying attention during history lessons. Or the incident was deemed unworthy of recording. Ed.]

Three Irish terrorists busted for the attempted murder of a detective chief inspector in Northern Ireland.

Should Prince Andrew have access to the Royal horse box?
The nation debates.

Why do they keep lying to us?
"Everyone is entitled to government help with the costa living", as claimed by the TV advert, is just tripe & propaganda & plain not true.
   Sirk Reepy Smarmer isn't, to name but one.

70% of Russians are in favour of attacking Ukraine, according to surveys. But how many had a gun pointed at them when the question was asked has not been disclosed.
Centuries of being trampled into the ground by Tsars, Commies & crooks has left the Putinstani population as a whole completely indifferent to the fate & welfare of others, the Xperts reckon. Rather like the Chinese population, they just go along with what they're told is good for them.
Large numbers of Putinstanis are hoping that their country's armed forces get their arses kicked in Ukraine as that will multiply their ‘victims of the rest of the world' status.
President Boris & Trussty Lizzie are urging the SnackStabber to send RAF planes to Ukraine. But given the chaotic air defence situation, they'd be at risk from friendly fire as much as from Putinstani missles. And they're more bombers than fighters. So they're likely to be blown to bitz in short order.
Bullets & artillery shells & missles & tanks would be a much better idea and of much more use to the Ukrainian troops. And more affordable for a country like the UK that's broke.

Scumbag’s Stat:
Wee Sterney Burgeon's quitting whinge was 3-6 times longer than a resignation speech by a UK prime monster.

In need of dampening down
The Director of the BierBC, General T. Davie, finds it amusing that people pay for a TV licence to avoid a massive fine and don't riot in the streets when his minions splurge vast amounts of their money on drek.
   Sounds like he needs a dozen wet weekends in the stocks to bring him back into touch with reality.

Scum Zone
The Polis of the Metrolopis are having to protect statues & monuments such as the Cenotaph from criminal-supporting BLAME Bunchers. The Scum Tendency is well over-subscribed in the London area.

Truth Schmuth
The Islamist industry is claiming that the people who protest @ migrant-stocked hotels are all dangerous narzis. What isn't being admitted is that most of them are relatives of local children, who have been accosted by scumbags posing as young asylum seekers.
   The BierBC in particular, natch, is busting a gut to use the far-Right tag despite a lack of supporting evidence.

Infinitely elastic
gary bloody lineker & sir beery smarmer are both on Team Bride of Daesh; but smarmer is now pretending he isn't 'coz he wants to be prime monster.
Multiculturalism is getting the blame for creating Begum, the Bride of Daesh.

Time to belt up, mate
The wonkosity of the Archybish of Cantab, one J. Welby, is dividing the Anglican church here from the branches in the rest of the world. Welby's panderings to sexual & social minorities have made Anglicans in Europe, Asia & South America reject the CoE as a leader and a mother church.
“Time for Ghod to unleash one of her most powerful thunderbolts!” N. Campment

Sirk Reepy Smarmer going on about ‘our friends in Yourope' confirms that he is delusional. We don't have any among the politicians. This has been self-evident for decades. But it's clearly asking too much for Sir Smarmer to pay attention.

Today's Thought:
"In the good old daze, I used to be able to live on the old state pension swindle. Not any more. Gas + electricity + coal + council tax + TV + phone + broadband leaves me with about ten quid.
   "Which means that's a big NO to the BierBC for its licence, to United Utilities for my water charges, home insurance, food and anything else.” Clint Skint

A school in Sheffield has been forced to bin & redo a job advert for a deputy head because the original discriminated against the idle, the talentless and everyone who can't do leadership.

The Boris Army is editing candidates for seats in the next general election to Xclude backstabbers.

“The Trivials want to aid the plan to mandelsleaze back into Yourope because they see it as a way to hoover up fat salaries with perks in a nothing job acquired by the buggins method rather than through competence.” F. Lowry

The nation's junior doctors are going on strike because they reckon they're worth a pay rise of 30%
Junior doctors are describing their 3-day strike in support of 30% more pay as 'a great step forward'.
   Yes, it will be Xactly that. Unfortunately for the customers, that giant leap will be in the direction of inflating their Xcess deaths statistics.

The BierBC is telling its presenters that they need to look sweaty, dirty & scruffy to help viewers worldwide to identify with them and whatever tripe they are offering instead of reality.

There’s always a way round deliberate obstruction
Book dealers are reporting a surge of interest in the uncensored editions of the works of the late Roald Dahl, who has been stabbed in the back by his heirs & assigns. There is plenty of scope for some aggressive pricing, the industry is delighted to announce.
   Dealers in second-hand books are also rubbing their hands.
“The Dahl sanitizers are being seen as this generation's equivalent of Nazi book-burners.” D. Mented

No need to panic
Xperts in Australia are claiming that the Earth's core is not a globular, molten puddle 1,500 miles across. They reckon the pressure at the heart of The Planet has produced a giant, solid cannonball with a diameter of 800 miles. There is no need to panic about this just yet. Possibly.

Vaping makes you vacant is the latest message to teenagers from the NHS. Sadly, 73% of them are not Xpected to understand what it means as fallout from all the strikes by teaching unions.

Dwindling resource
The Sue Harvey Wheensteen Industry is going into overdrive to Xtract as much cash as possible before the insurance companies which are being tapped up clamp down or go bust.
Mr. Wheensteen will now have to live to 109 before he can get out of gaol instead of 93.

++ China to take over Putinstan when Putrid runs out of ammo to get oil & gas without having to pay for it? ++ Brexit will be blamed ++

Do Billy 14 pints Hague & tony b. liar have shares in a firm that manufactures ID cards? That could be why they are insisting that everyone should have one.
“That will make them very popular with the ratbags in the migrant industry. No ID cards for illegals will make them non-persons.” Putin Otravitel

Stands to reason
If the West is attacking Putinstan in Ukraine, as Putrid the Poisoner claims, it would be logical for the Putinazis to bale out of Ukraine to frustrate the Western aggressors.
   But joined-up thinking isn't Xactly Putrid's forté.

Queue-jumpers rather than drunks are responsible for most of the violence in city centres, the Xperts now reckon.

Sirb Eery Smarmer has admitted that he is a card-carrying member of the political nasty tendency, as Corbynstein as the worst of them, and he doesn't give a toss who knows it.

Torturer’s Logic
Putrid the Poisoner reckons the Ukrainian people are being held prisoner by an elected government. If they had a dicktater—him, for instance—they'd be a whole lot better off. And so would he, with even more customers to steal from.
“Democracy and having the right to choose not to be mugged by the likes of Putrid is a BAD THING? What's he been smoking!” Fulla Verself

Weird with added likeability
The great & the good & the not so good north of the border are trying to replace Wee Sterney Burgeon with a personable Wee Free religious & independence fanatic and mother-of-one—the current Scittish finance minister, K. Forbes.
   She actually seems to be doing a competent job where she is by not taking BS from obstructionists. Not that this is preventing the finances north of the border from being a disaster area which would make independence totally unsustainable.

14 Pints Billy Hague thinks a religious fanatic like Forbes shouldn't be allowed within a million miles of politics, or something like that. Which Xplains her eagerness for independence.
“Strange Boozy Billy didn't have anything to say about Yousaf, the Health Sec., who is under the thumb of his local mosque. Could it be that Billy is doing the 'only Christians are fair game' thing to avoid being exploded next to?” Jez Paxpersona

Sirb Eery Smarmer is promising to grow enuff fruit & veg to feed the entire nation in his back garden. Or something like that.

Ryangrounded has been deprived of the top spot in airline dissatisfaction statistics by Whizz Air.

There are alligators in Prospect Park, Brooklyn, New Yawk. The locals keep dumping overgrown pets to make life interesting for park-goers.

It's certainly very gracious of Lady S. Hussey to go back to work for the mob @ Buck House after being grotted on and dumped by the Royals.
   No sign of the attention-seeking trouble-maker behind it all getting a wet weekend in the stocks, though.

Too outraged to move
Mhegan the Muciloid & her hairy consort are just adding the South Park cartoon lampooning to their victimhood candidate list.
   The legal trade is aghast at their decision not to sue to avoid further mockery and having to give the vultures yet another pay day.

Esso Petrol 145.9p/litre, diesel 161.9p/litre. Profiteering still decreasing slightly.

There’s always a way around it
Failed a drugs test? Tell 'em you've been scoffing lotz of eggs. Works on the World Boxing Council a treat.
   Even if the hens that produce eggs sold in the UK are not fed grub containing the drug that was detected in the tests.

Those who read can foreign languages, e.g. French & Dutch, can still buy Ronald Darl's books in unmutilated current editions.
   Which is one of the many benefits of a decent education.

If 'fat' has been cancelled, there can be no more fatwas!
Like Hapless Hairy's book, Waaaah, which is about as fat a waaaa! as you could hope to get.

Team Putrid is agitating in Germany against sending military equipment to Ukraine to fight off the Putinazi invaders.
“The ludicrous left is always more @ home wearing the Putrid face of politics.” Gennar O'sity

Comparisons can be odourful
Sir Smarmer has released the feline from confinement. He hates President Boris 'coz Boris has a personality and he doesn't. Also, Boris is in touch with what real people want and he isn't. And Boris has a brain and he can make lotz of dosh quite easily but Smarmer doesn't & can't.
“And Smarmer is a HUTAgonian and Boris isn't.” Print O'siris

The complaints industry is supping big over how Lancashire Constabulary did the misper search for N. Bulley. Millions more of taxpayers' money vanishing into the bottomless Brown Hole of the legal trade.

Like for like
The front-runner to take over from Wee Burney is currently the Health Sec., H. Yousaf, according to English newspapers. Which has some internal logic. The NHS in Wee Burneystan is a disaster area ‘coz, like Burney, Yousaf is useless. He also thinks pandering to irrelevant minorities is a great idea.

The front-runner to take over from Wee Burney in Scottish newspapers is the current finance meenister, K. Forbes, who has upset all the wonks by being an unashamed Wee Free Christian. Yousaf is a Moslem but he wants people to think he takes no notice of what his mosque maestro tells him to do.

Gorbal warmage fraudsters are going bananas following the hijacking of their buzz word sustainability in the context of sending Britisch tanks to Ukraine to fight the Putinazis.

Proper Gander
Putrid the Poisoner claims his suspension of the New Start nuclear treaty doesn't put the world closer to nuclear war. Which has to be his way of saying the treaty is irrelevant and a distraction.
   What he's trying to do is send one up the kilt of Creaky Joe, who negotiated it when he was vice-president to B. O'Bummer who, we assume, was too busy polishing his Nobel Peace Prize to do the grunt work.

The BierBC's propaganda unit has missed out on a bonus. Its attempt to portray the Bride of Daesh as a good egg has been a miserable flop.

Do the Bad Guys a favour?
Another major objection to the bliar-Hague digital ID scam is that everyone would have to be saddled with the Xpense of a time-wasting pocket phone to have the ID. Which is something that would run into serious levels of resistance from people who have a better use for the cash. And also from MI5 & MI6 over the potential for hacking & data theft by unfriendly powers.

Today's Proposition:
Generation Z and the Millennials are too herded. They will never get anywhere until they stop gawking at what other people are doing on a device, break out of the herd mentality and start doing something original & worthwhile on their own account.

Snackstabber selling DUP down the river in deal with EFU?
++ SNP leadership contender K. Forbes torpedoes her critics ++ Just how liberal are they if they are so intolerant of her religious beliefs? ++ Silence ++
The Scittish Association of Mosquitos found the Forbes approach to religion ‘very refreshing'.
Chinese plague definitely leaked from lab in Wuhan, US energy department boffins have confirmed.
Blizzards in sunny California? So much for gorbal warmage overheating The Planet.
Kent U. continues to take the Royal we-wee. Everyone there has to be ‘they'. Plurality Rulz, Nokay!
Following his mind-numbingly tedious Five Missions speech in Manchester, near Romiley, Captain Crasheroonie Snoozefest Smarmer has been reduced in the ranks with immediate effect to Corporal Codswallop.

Sturgeon who?
55% of Scots don't any of the 3 SNP leadership candidates, Christian Forbes, Moslem Yousaf & Snackstabber Regan.
[No, not the Sweeney bloke. In fact, not a bloke. Ed.]

Got a garden shed to clear out?
DO NOT like spiders?
Hire a biological isolation garment!
Proof against all bugs & creepy crawlies
B.I.G. Romiley, 62c Riverside Drive

“Nice to see the Scots not taking the campaigns to replace the binned Wee Burney too seriously. Proposing a giraffe as a replacement SNP leader ‘coz Lofty ‘stands head & shoulders above the rest' is the best idea on offer.” Himmer Layer

"Scotland is not going to ask permission to become an independent country," sez A. Regan, third fave in the leadership pageant.
   Someone needs to tell her that if you don't ask, you don't get!

In politics, the dafter the better?
The Yousuf lobby, who want a coronation for him like wot Wee Burney got when she replaced A. Salmonella, are getting really desperate. Hence their daft idea that SNP MSPs would vote to make the Labour leader the next First Meenister, even though Labour doesn't have enuff seats to make this possible.

Computer systems are not getting smarter, humans are getting dumber. Measurements of the IQ of school leavers shows a steady decline from the end of the 1960s onward.

Back to daft again
The civil service is complaining about a culture of bullying by government ministers. Translation: The Blobocracy is moaning about being ordered to get on with the work it's over-paid to do and trying to skive via playing the victim card.
“There seems to be a disproportionate amount of premature senility awash in the public sector. Which has to be a strong argument for cutting it back to reduce the risk of real people being contaminated by the condition.” Clara Bic
“Underworked and too much time on their hands for mental drooling.” Con Tiguous

“Sir Smarmer reckons we should judge him on his plans. Is not having anything resembling a plan a cunning attempt to make himself unjudgeable?” Imho Tep

Crouching Tiger, Singing Monkey
The Smarmer Plan 4 Britain.

Below the line mission statement: Some of the above is true. BFN is recognized as a premiere class observational blog and a multiple winner of the OB of the Year award.
   We are constantly exposed to dodgy conclusions drawn from dodgy data by the 'experts', especially those found in the world of politics and especially those at the Treasury and in opposition. Some of us civilians at BFN like to join in to let them know that anyone can do it and we ain't impressed by their efforts.

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Created for Romiley Anarchists' League by workers in revolt against oppression to set the record straight in the 3rd millennium. © RAL, February MM23 like anyone cares.