++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Your rota block letter for power cuts: G PLEASE KEEP THIS INFORMATION SAFE ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

We hate strikers Oh, yes, we do

WEEK 1    Putin the ‘pow’ into powder

 
The Bad Bastard of 2022 Award has to go jointly to Lord Nonce Finder of Watson and to the man who encouraged his libellous career when posing as Director of Pubic Prostitutions then put him in the House of Frauds, Smarmer the Nonce Confecter.

Open in Romiley today:
The newsagent on Stockport Road, the Sainsbury Local and the Esso/Londis site, where petrol is 145.9p/litre and diesel is 167.9p/litre.

Lie of the Year 2022
The banking industry has closed 5,000 branch offices in the last 7 years and it has yet to repay the taxpayer for being baled out after Gordon F. Broon let it go bust in 2008. But according to a mouthpiece, it is "committed to ensuring people can do their banking face-to-face". Right.
“This is the same servant-of-the-customer banking industry which is cancelling ATMs to prevent anyone from making cash payments?” Jeef Berkey
“Cash-free shops operating a card-only system have to pay a fee to the bank for each card transaction. So that's a sneaky price rise for the customer 'coz the retailer ain't gonna eat it. How does that help with getting inflation down?” Kreepy Steamer

Badly Confected BS
Those People are bitching because Unilever is selling posh ice cream to Putinstan. Which involves taking money out of Putinstan's economy. And yet this is something to moan about when putting cash into Putrid's pocket by buying his gas ain't.
   Which tells you exactly whose side Those People are on; if we didn't know already.

The Albanian government is turning the country into a paradise for foreign criminals and money launderers. Because it can. The regime can no longer be arsed to do anything about BGs as they are Xceeding the official GNP with their bungs for compliance.

Fair shares for all
“What's wrong with warmer winters for us Northerners? Why should the bloody Equatorials have a monopoly on heat?” Slasha Doyle

The price of ludicrosity
The Royal Free Hospital in London is being required to change its name. The management's insistence on an endless box-ticking process before anyone white can be employed is to blame. There is now no freedom from wonkosity there and the hospital has become a blot on the landscape.
“The NHS is awash with cash. The problem is that it is run by idiots who waste a vast proportion of it by not making the effort to negotiate sensible supply contracts, by employing idiots to create brave bloody spaces, by creating pointless red tape which is of no benefit to the customer and by failing to monitor performance such that customers can die of neglect.” Lager Steamer

Person of the Year for 2022:
Queen Elizabeth

Ratbag of the Year for 2022:
There are so many equal firsts that we'd be here to the end of 2023 listing all of them.

Help needed?
Your Orc Reader sounds like a menacing Ork?
Relax! We have a fix.
Romiley Gadgets, 25c Riverside Drive

The PanGender Whingeing Bitch Award for 2022
. . . has to go to all those ludicrosities who were upset by seeing the Education Sec. wearing her posh watch in public and being reminded that they are underachievers.

Q: Are New Year resolutions a waste of time?
A: Yep.

Today’s French Phrases:
1. Je suis au-dessous avec cela – I'm down with that
2. En hâut avec cela, c'est quoi? – What's up with that?

To each, his reward
A Putinstani politician who was copping over £100 MILLION per year has received the usual reward for daring to call Putrid the Poisoner's war on Ukraine an act of terror. P. Antonov was hurled out of an upper-floor hotel window in India & into o'blivion.

Misdirected splurge
The Polis of the Metrolopis is currently in administration for being totally crap. One reason for this is that the boss thinks blowing a million and a half quid of taxpayers' dosh on wonk diversity garbage is a better idea than aiming his gang at muggers, burglars and other bad guys.
“A mere tap on the cheek compared to the smacks in the gob the wonks in the NHS deliver to the taxpayer every second of every day for the same crap.” Sym Bolik
“If you get burgled on Xmas Day, don't Xpect the police to do anything about it. They have a solid record for ignoring Xmas crime. Like crime on every other day. But then, you knew that, didn't you?” Ob Fuscate

The latest solution to the NHS meltdown is to put all unhealthy customers into a state of hibernation in Nightingale storage facilities the next time the wheels come off big-time.
   Hospital bed occupation rates will be held at a manageable 79.14% and when a customers is released, their place will be assigned to someone in a hibernation facility.
The technology will also be used by Marsman Musk's operation to spare volunteers for his Mars colony the tedium of an extended spaceflight to the Red Planet.

No hope, give up NOW!
We're currently getting some typical early winter weather. It's just that—but the DoomBuggers want it to be overspill from the American/Canadian Bombe Psychopath Freeze and all their fault rather than just some typical early winter weather.

Dramatic Tyranny
Beware the Blah-Cops—people with nothing useful to do with themselves who have to pretend that something terrible is happening all the time to give themselves something to whinge about.

Political Scum Rising
Where there's a trade union, there's a swindle. Like the plan to offer prizes to idlers who show their loyalty card @ a picket line and pretend to be one of the striking comrades. Persistent no-job nomads will get their picture on a Wall of Shame on the organizers' website.
“That would be Fake.strikes.UK, right?” Amper Bland

Grinch-Grinder
Muck Lunch is being bludgeoned into talking turkey with the rail companies by his own members, who are losing thousands of pounds thanks to his policy of not giving out any strike pay to union members who are overpaid, by and large, and his passion for being obstructive to play the big man.
[That's big in the sense of important rather than in the 'who ate all the pies?' sense. Ed.]

Today’s Thought
God is a lot like the NHS; too many customers yelling for attention and as there's only one of Her, there will always be lotz that has to be left undone.

The Big Pandemic Scare for 2023 . . .
. . . will be Putrid the Poisoner unleashing a zombie-virus Xtracted from one of the woolly mammoths which froze to death in Siberia. So it looks like the World Naturalist League's plan to reintroduce the woolly mammoth into the environment is doomed to failure if there will be no 'umans around to show them the ropes.
Natch, Putinstan will blame the virus on gorbal warmage.

Ashamed to be Britisch? This is the Uni 4 U!
Lincoln University is attracting mucho derision for trying to cancel famous people who were born in its county. The list includes the poet Tennyson, Sir I. Newton and the naturalist J. Banks, founder of Kew Gardens.
   The uni is now in the process of renaming all of its buildings after wonk icons such as Greenhouse Grotter.
“There's never a shortage of people willing to waste time and other people's money on things that are a complete waste of time & money.” Partial Cornwall
“And then lie about why they're doing it, of course.” Alicia Banditti
“Maybe they should name something after Pele. No one can ever accuse him of being Britisch.” Kel Domage

Failed Cover-Up
Despite its best efforts to keep the figure top secret, the BierBC has been forced to confess that it has blown £7.3 MILLION of licence payers' cash on a few naff logos for its digital bitz.

NooYear NFL: the Fins @ Foxboro’
The Patriots got to the red zone, TD in the 8th minute. The fins started Q2 with a TD for Hill, 7-all. They tried a FG in the 9th minute, missed. Then plenty of D.
   The Dolphins got to & goal in Q3, sneaky TD, 14-7. NE managed a FG after 11 minutes, 14-10. A pick gave NE a TD, the PAT was NG, 14-16. The Pats did nothing with a pick of a tipped pass in Q4 but DPI got them to the MD 5, TD, 14-23 in the 11th minute. The Fins scored a TD with a minute left but 21-23 was as close as they could get.

A Medical Mortgage!
“The two-thirds of junior doctors who are bugging out of the NHS should be presented with a bill for all their training—to be paid off at an Xtortionate interest rate.” Steepy Kreamer

Head-banger, or what!
Gulp! Sir Kreepy Steamer's pursuit of the transister vote is costing him the endorsement of real women. Only a total nutter would disrespect 51.7% of the population to get the votes of 0.00129%. But hey, that's the creepy Steamer for you.

Former Burmese icon A.S.S. Kyi has been sentenced to 6,200 years in gaol by a kangaroo court for services to corruption & a regime which attempted to wipe out the Rohingya religious cult in the west of the country.

Bombe Cyclone – the dessert of the moment!
All flavours, all pack sizes
Discount for all Americans & Canadians!
Romiley Treats, 32a Riverside Drive

NYF: the Terrible Towels in Baltimore
Zoom to the red zone, just a FG for the Steelers after 8 minutes. A challenge kept a drive by the Ravens going to the red zone and a FG in Q2, 3-all. A try by the PS in the 12th minute hit the post. 97's thuggery stuck a penalty on the Steelers, TD for the Ravens from the next play, 3-10.
   A 51-yard FG by Tucker in Q3 put the Ravens 3-13 ahead. One for the Steelers in the 13th minute, 6-13. Another in Q4, 9-13. Time ticked away. The Steelers got threatening. A TD in the last minute put then 16-13 ahead and a pick as the Ravens tried to get to FG range was bing-ching for them.

Xmas morning church duty, Prince Louis gives him mum, Princess Kate, an ultimatum

What's this guff about Cold War enemy spies Xploting BierBC bosses back then? The BierBC has been on the side of Britain's enemies for decades. No Xploitation necessary. But a scattering of Red Gold would have been welcome.
The transister movement is now in the process of converting female novelists into faux blokes. Their first target is L.M. Alcott, author of Diminutive Not Men.
Electric scooters are not being allowed onto trains because of their distressing habit of bursting into flames for no apparent reason.
Children who think they want to change sex are costing the NHS and the taxpayer some £8-20 MILLION per year, according to the latest estimates.
China has decided that the way to achieve zero deaths from the Chinese plague is to blame all deaths caused by the virus which was allowed to escape from the laboratory in Wuhan on something else.
Around one-quarter of China's billion-plus population have its plague in old & new variations following the cancellation of the failed total lock-in policy.

The growing wonk anti-culture is starting to hit universities where it counts; in the bank account. Previous donors are choosing not to cough up any more dosh to their alma mater until it restores freedom of speech & thought, and ends its anti-Britisch propaganda campaigns.
“The reason why nothing has been done about the wonk culture despite all the offence caused by it is now being positioned as a direct consequence of the endemic laziness of university administrators. They would rather do bugger all than risk upsetting someone by making a decision. But a threat to the cash flow is proving a very useful tool for concentrating idle minds.” Baget Rattique

NooYear NFL: the Vikings In Green Bay
Punt shambles, the Vikings started from the GB 2, stopped, FG, 3-0. So the Pack returned the kick off for a TD, Nixon, 105 yards!! 3-7. Rodgers fumbling after being sacked on a 4th & 1 was cancelled by a GB pick on a MV 4th down! Returned by Savage for a TD!! 3-14. An MV FG try in 13th minute missed.
   Q2, GB to the red zone, FG, 3-17. Pick by GB with 6 minutes to go, on to a TD, 3-24. A 50-yard FG try by the MV missed. A 56-yarder by the Pack closed the half at 3-27.
   The Vikings got to the red zone midway through Q3 but the Pack forced and recovered a fumble. Jones close, TD by Dillon to start Q4, 3-34. Another pick by the Pack right away. TD for Rodgers, 3-41. The MV managed a TD, 10-41, then another in the last minute. 17-41 final, GB 2 wins from the playoffs.

Political Manoeuvres
The Home Office & the Communities Sec., M. Gove, are in an arse-kicking contest over naming & shaming organizations which give aid & comfort to Islamist terrorists, Talibandits & other undesirables.
   Gove wants to do it, but Home Sec. Braverperson is worried about the legal trade's vultures confecting spurious grievances & costing the taxpayer even more millions.

SNF: LAR @ LAC on New Year’s Day
After stopping the Bolts, the Rams made their way to the red zone but they were held to a 23 yard FG. Ekeler got a TD for the home team in the 2nd minute of Q2, 3-7. Ekeler again, 72 yards for another TD, 3-14.
   Brown rushed for one for the Rams with 4 minutes left, 10-14. The Bolts reached scoring range, FG in the last minute, 10-17. A TD for the Bolts in Q3, 10-24. Mayfield sacked, fumbled to the Bolts. A TD 3 minutes in to Q4, 10-31. And that was how it finished.

Unsmart motorways are being avoided by people with posh & classic cars, who are scared of being shunted up the back by some idiot in an el cheapo car or a juggernaut if they have to stop in a live lane 'coz of an accident the surveillance system hasn't spotted.

Massaged Message
Of course, when your numbers are partly based on guesswork & partly on readings taken at the heart of a vast Xpanse of tarmac & concrete, it is relatively easy to confect a hottest year since records began a couple or three decades ago.
   The only thing that needs to be decided is how much to bump your average up by. 0.2 deg.C, 0.3 deg.C, or could you get away with 0.4 deg.C?

“The usual suspects are kicking up a stink about people losing benefits cash when they start to earn a higher salary. But isn't this what normal people call paying your own way and a Good Thing?” Arfur Mo

You can lie your head off and back on again in New Yawk and still get yourself elected to the House of Representatives because Democraps are so totally crap and unelectable there.

When you think about it, the NHS unions couldn't have picked a worse time for a strike. The 'service' ain't working with waiting lists going ten times round the block and off over the horizon. The staff have done okay for pay and their excessive demands are stoopid.
   The 'service' is run by idiots who waste BILLIONs and there's a nurse on trial for murdering umpteen newborns.
   Sympathy? Aaaah, nah!

Get pushy, might even work
The Nigerian government is demanding from museums in WeeBurneystan, artefacts taken into protective custody by Britisch troops in 1897. No doubt broke & dismayed Burneystan would be delighted to comply if the oil-rich demander coughed up a suitable fee for a century and a bit of conservation and the cost of 3D printing replicas for museum display cabinets.

MNF: winning Bills @ winning Bengals
The Bengals advanced to the red zone, TD for Boyd, good start. The Bills also reached the red zone but they were held to a FG, 3-7. The wheels came off during the next CB drive with 5:58 left in the opening quarter.
   Buffalo safety D. Hamlin suffered a cardiac arrest after making a tackle. He received CPR to restart his heart on the field and he was rushed to a local hospital. The match was suspended and then postponed sine die to let everyone recover from the shock.

Entirely predictable
The charity people who were making a living out of programmes for women in Afghanistan have the hump big-time 'coz the Talibandits have shoved a tree trunk, rather than a spoke, into their wheel and the cash flow has stopped.

It's rather odd the way the ludicrous left get the hump about wealthy Tories. They really don't want to see the administration of the country in the hands of people who have made something of themselves.
   Only ragged-arsed no-hopers are acceptable to the ludicrosities because only they can identify with Labour's self-proclaimed core-vote of paupers, is the message that comes across. Especially from the ones who have been mugging the taxpayer for decades. Weird.
“No wopers. It's as simple as that.” Nick O'Teen

The RCN leadership is officially detached from reality.

As is RMT boss Muck Lunch, who is now seeking to position himself as the saviour of the NHS. How? By preventing people from travelling around and spreading the latest variation of the OhMyGod variant of the Chinese plague.

The Snackstabber might have become prime monster at the worst possible time. But let us not forget he stabbed in the back to get the job. No one held a gun to his head and told him he'd been volunteered. He's where he wants to be, so no boo-hoo sympathy and victimhood as if he were another Prince Hairy.

Is the average person transitioning from a coper to a clueless clown & pathetic victim? There is abundant evidence that this is so.

for all those who don't like changes—there won't be any. The public sector will remain crap and the strikes we're used to will go on and on.

Paramedics are complaining that they are being dismissed as mere ambulance drivers by the ungrateful paying customers despite their decades of training. But one grinning face on a picket line does look much like any other.

Bad News for NHS customers north of the border
Wee Burney reckons that her government is doing everything it can to get the NHS on track—i.e. bugger all.

Vulture ‘n’ Rat RoundUp
In a New Year message, the Church of Englandland's leaders were warned that their church is broken and they need to stop playing ludicrous left politics and go back to serving their communities.
Putrid the Poisoner is attempting to buy popularity with other people's money by Xempting Putinazi troops attacking Ukraine from paying income tax.
The theatre industry is going into competition with the NHS on the mental ishues front. Theatre bosses reckon they can do as good a job of reassuring mental elves who can't cope as the medical trade.
In 1979, the nation's housewives were being urged to take their rolling pins to picket lines and bash some sense into the strikers. Sounds like an idea that's well overdue for revival.
New Year fireworks let off globally are calculated to have pushed into the atmosphere enough CO₂ to cause 0.25^oC of gorbal warmage.

Crunch Time
The number of cases of prisoners drugged and/or in possession in Scottish gaols has zoomed up by 1,100% since 2014. The Scittish Prison Service is now trying to decide whether to blame the increase on the poor quality of prisoners sent to them by the courts or admit that screws haven't been looking for drugs hard enuff.

Recycled thought:
If the Scots ever do vote to de-Unionize, there will never be a ludicrous left Labour government wrecking the remains of the Union ever again.

Q: What are Gender Methodists?
A: Pass, mind boggling.

Influenzers?
The Romanian government has the right attitude to the characters who call themselves influencers—it arrests them!

How come there is still no Board of Sheriffs of British Jews and everything is being left to the deputies?

The latest guess from the Xperts is that 28% of adults are financially fragile with potentially overwhelming debts, which means that 72% are still fiscally competent.
   This is a concept which entirely incomprehensible to the likes of Gordon F. Broon and his Balls Monster, and rhymes with Hunt, the current Chancellor.

Q: Is Marsman Musk likely to be bovvered by a drop in his guesstimated wealth from $140B to $130B?
A: If you have 130 BILLION bucks, you don't give a monkey's.

The UK has around 30,000 charging points for electric cars. The Dept. for Transport has a target of providing 300,000 by the end of this decade. That's about the number that's needed right now. But hey, with the pubic sector in charge, what do you Xpect?
“p.s. Only 6,000 chargers are fast ones. The rest take up to 24 hours to deliver a full charge. That's when they're working, of course, which they aren't a lot of the time. No doubt the same ratio will be applied to the 300,000.” Smerk McGurk
“Which the National Grid won't be able to service with power anyway.” Nevin Kosh

Get Hoarding!
Also, the Dept. for Transport's job—the highway maintenance fund for repairing potholes, etc., has dropped by £400 MILLION or 22% in the last year. This means that the nation's roads will become unnavigable by 2027 and with the railways on permanent strike to keep Muck Lunch happy, movement of goods will cease and anything not produced locally will become unavailable.

The Labour MP C. Bryant, b.k.a. Corporal Underpants, has been awarded a K in the New Year Do Us A Favour List for services to modelling male garments on the internet.

The Archybish of Cantab has issued a list of things that need to be fixed in the new year. No suggestions for the how of it were on offer, natch.

The BierBC is in trouble for confecting a bollocks version of Britisch history as rewritten by the ludicrous left and the likes of IRA allies & apologists.
“A load of garbage that was more 'hit Tory' than accurate history.” Fafny Gospodin

The Houses of Parliament are infested with super-mice, which cannot be trapped or poisoned. They are proving to be as impossible to shift as the criminal MPs & Lords.

A teaching union is gnashing its teef 'coz postal strikes are sabotaging its efforts to confect a strike using postal ballots.

To be honest with the customers
What the government needs to do is rename the NHS as the National Health Lottery. Then, when there's spare capacity in a manageable system, and the staff aren't throwing a wobbly over an insane pay demand, some lucky customers will be seen to.
   The rest, like other lottery entrants, will just have to keep on buying tickets and throwing good money after bad and hoping to get lucky within their lifetime.
“Either that or change the name to the Notional Health Service, which is what is actually is now.” Eck Srated

President Shish of China has upset Putrid the Poisoner by refusing to join in the war against Ukraine on Putrid's side. The bribes on offer were insufficient 'coz Putrid is rather tight-fisted when assets that he could loot for himself are concerned.

In the good old ventable days, we as a nation were healthy. But pre-ventable diseases are making a comeback as a direct result of the Chinese plague and the 'avoid the NHS' strategy of the DoomBugger professors.

The price paid
Selfish strikers have cost the hospitality industry £2 BILLION in lost sales over the (pre-)Xmas/New Year period.
An official guess at the number of Xcess deaths caused by NHS strikes has yet to be revealed by the Sadistics Agency.

University College, London, has fallen into the Quagmire of Wonk to what could be an irretrievable depth and is now somewhere to be avoided, well, like the Chinese plague.
The BIG accountancy firms—the ones that keep getting fined MILLIONs for failing to spot malpractice when auditing dodgy companies—are turning down the heating @ their offices so that they can pretend to be saving The Planet.

“If some wonk writes to you and addresses the letter to Mx Boogerhamption (or whatever your name is), you are entitled to assume that Mx stands for 'mixed-up' and you are entitled to address your reply to Fx Wonk.” Col Eider
[And we all know what 'F' stands for, don't we? Ed.]

Curiously, people who test positive for the Chinese plague on arriving from China won't be forced to quarantine until they are no longer contaminated.

The crypto-currency bloke who's on trial for MONSTER fraud could well be sentenced to over 100 years in gaol. But will he be let off with just 50 years if he behaves himself?

Lady S. Hussey, who was demonized by the culture-appropriater N. Kung Fu Lani and let down by the Royals, has received an apology in the form of an invitation to King Chuck's coronation.

Prince Hairy—still Putin the 'me, me, me' into memoirs.

China's zero Chinese plague policy isn't. In actual fact, repairing the mistranslation, it is really a zero population growth policy. Which seems to be working, according to the actual daily death rates rather than the official ones, which are careful to ascribe deaths from the Chinese plague to another cause. The Wuhan plague is doing a grand job of keeping the number of customers within manageable limits.

Advertisement Mr. Wydey's Book List Highly Recommended Reading, Authors worth pursuing & some Awful Warnings, Hundreds of Bux listed!

WEEK 2    Putin the ‘mental’ into incremental

 
Q: What do you get when enthusiasts tidy up a 500 year-old-historic ash tree (now dead)?
A: A spark from their bonfire ignites the dead tree and turns it into a charred stump.

Was no one listening?
After invading Crimea in 2014, Putrid the Poisoner announced that when he invaded the rest of Ukraine, he would claim it was all the fault of the West. Whingers is as whingers does.

Could this be a scam? Subject: *** VIRUS ***Payment remittance from City Council Tax From: "Alison Hardman, Chief Financial Office" <admin@criterialatam.com> Date: 21/12/2022 06:04 Hello, Please find attached a payment remittance from City Council Tax Payment. This detailed remittance attached to this email is advising you of a payment from City Council Tax due to be paid into your account. The remittance is in Microsoft Sharepoint file HTML format, if you are unable to open the attachment, you will be required to download a PDF viewer from your App store or other resource. Alison Hardman, Chief Financial Office r Access to this message by anyone else is unauthorised. If you are not the intended recipient, any disclosure, copying, or distribution of the message, or any action or omission taken by you in reliance on it, is prohibited and may be unlawful. As a public body, City Council may be required to disclose this email [or any response to it] under the Freedom of Information Act 2000, unless the information in it is covered by one of the exemptions in the Act.

[Nothing attached. Ed.]

Nonsense & Nonsensibility
“Is the Prince Hairy who's moaning that his big brother biffed him the same one who was an Army officer in Afghanistan, who personally killed 25 Talibandits with his bare hands? Doesn't seem likely. In which case, who's the whingeing imposter in California?” Dar Korder
“Princess Hairy killed 25 Talibandits? Was that in a video game?” Antonio B. Liar
“Was Hairy coked up when he took out his Talibandit pawns? We should be told.” Seeni TallB4
“Now we know why Hairy is never invited to regimental reunions. Knowing how much derision he'd face, he wouldn't go.” Shan Veraxt
“How much will he get for the memoirs after Mhegan the Muciloid dumps him?” Somer van Valk

An interesting spin-off from this further trip into the realms of fantasy is that the Talibandit leaders are claiming that the 25 minions allegedly written off personally by Prince Hairy were all wonderful pillars of their community and not just mindless stooges who were helping to stuff cash into the pockets of drug dealers.

At the Esso/Londis site, petrol is 143.9p/litre and diesel is 164.9p/litre. Going darn!

As a Virtue Flag, it’s a Limp Biscuit
The proprietors of a primary school in South Wales are chuffed to buggery because they have been able to incorporate a local hot spring into the school's heating system and save 35 tons of carbon dioxide emissions per year.
   But will anyone in the real world notice if the atmosphere of The Planet contains only the 3,200,000,000,000 tons of carbon dioxide already present rather than 3,200,000,000,0035?
“35 tons is probably the amount emitted every microsecond by the Chinese & Indians.” Clawed Wrinkleperson

for everyone struggling with fuel bills. Our climate is getting warmer and keeping ourselves at a comfortable temperature when the weather throws a wobbly will become cheaper.

Allowing for inflation, the amount of cash going into the NHS is 40% higher than it was in 2010 when corrupt new labour was kicked out of office.
   Does this mean that all the ludicrous lefties who are claiming that the Tories are starving the NHS of cash are lying to us? How very Kreepy.
Despite all this Xtra cash, the NHS & its qangos are getting less and less able to cope. The idiots running them are just wasting the Xtra cash rather than doing anything useful with it.

“Anyone who believes; or pretends to believe; that the NHS needs any diversity bullshit should be dumped in a dustbin and left to rot.” Chris Tween
“After removal of Ks, OBEs and other gongs.” D.O. Shanblida

We may be having a costa living crisis but there's still cash to waste on confecting slavery links to all of the 9.000 artefacts in the Parliamentary art collection. More candidates for a dustbin here.

Another to file in the Doshan Bleeda Box
Apparently, it's the Squeaker of the Commons who is behind all the slavery confection bullshit. Looks like old L. Hoyle has gone down with a severe case of Berko's disease and lost all touch with reality. Time he was retired.
“Is there a procedure for removing a Speaker who loses it during his period of office but won't go voluntarily? We need to know urgently.” Dave Monoblot

Is it any sort of surprise that people can't afford to get on the housing treadmill during a costa living crisis? Surprising would have been people bucking the trend & actually doing it in greater numbers.

The Royal Family is getting the credit for driving Mhegan the Muciloid out of the UK.
   Well done, the lot of them!

You are really struggling for ammunition to pad out your latest joy-ride when the best whinge you can confect about your brother is that he once broke your necklace.
   Thanks to the historian A.N. Wilson for pointing out that Prince Hairy has gone from amiable chump to the whinger who put the 'Alice' into malice.
“Recollections may vary. Or be completely fabricated.” Mil Keyweigh
“If they ever do remakes of The Kenny Everett Show, Prince Hairy will be a shoo-in for the role of Cupid Stunt.” P. Ronto
“What's the slogan that goes with Hairy's mental elf campaign—'See a shrink or you'll end up like me'?” Okon Traire

“Any chance of getting Hancock's Half Hour here as our next election's Tory candidate to replace the departing failed architect of a Wragg Revolution? What we need is an MP with a personality who can be honest with the waxworks and tell them where to get off.” Dubya Munny
“Failing him, Nigel Farage in our garage would be good.” Eric Salted

Someone has got desperate
Putrid the poisoner is doing the corrupt blair labour thing. Wherever there's a crowd of 'ordinary people' near him, it's always made up of the same gang of usual suspects in different combinations.
   They are swapped around in an attempt to fool the innocent but the same faces keep on appearing in the official photos of his public occasions.

Week 18: the Lions in Green Bay
DPI got GB to the DL 4, just a FG, 0-3. Defences ruled. The Lions got an equalizer after 8 minutes. A long FG by GB after 13 minutes, 3-6. A 48-yarder by Crosby in Q2, 3-9.
   Bang! An end zone trip for the Lions was cancelled by holding and a FG try missed in the 9th minute. GB fumbled the ball away in the 13th minute while looking dangerous, long FG to end the half at 6-9.
   A GB FG try from 53 yards in Q3 missed. A bomb pass to the GB 1 set up a TD for the Lions, 13-9 after 7 minutes. Red zone for GB, TD for Lazard, 13-16. The Lions got to the red zone in Q4. Walker of GB was sent off for a stooopid foul on a trainer.
   Almost a TD for the Lions? Nope but in on the next play, 20-16 with 6 minutes to go. Rodgers picked @ 3:30. The Lions to the red zone. Able to run the clock out. The Packers miss out on the playoffs. But the way they've been playing, that's a disappointment avoided.

Q: Does some jumped-up Radio Four bloke actually earn £260K?
A: No, that's just what he's paid by the doshan bleedas of the BierBC.

The International Monetary Fund is hoping to confect a state of recession for one-third of the entire world this year.
EFU intransigence is getting the blame for the Stormont on the Hill Parliament in Northern Ireland sitting empty and unwanted.
Brasil & Italy are in fierce competition for the biggest ever funeral crowd—Pele vs Pope Benedict 16th.

If you see someone wearing a face mask, that means they are 'walking unwell'. The mask won't protect you from whatever ails them—a cold, flu, the Chinese plague.
   It is merely a warning to keep well clear of the infected person to avoid catching whatever evil disease they are struggling with.
   Just to confuse you, however, there are people who wear masks thinking that they will be protected from everything going around, and there might be nothing physically wrong with them. Be sensible, is the official advice, and avoid them too.

All those bits of microplastic which have been giving the Xperts such coniptions are settling on the sea bed in the oceans and being rendered harmless by being buried under miles of silt.

Back to the drawing board
Virgin Intergalactic's attempt to place a number of small satellites into orbit this month didn't quite go to plan.
   The Boeing 747 with a cute name took off successfully from Spaceport Cornwall in Newquay and set the rocket it was carrying on course for orbit. But the anomaly bug struck after the rocket had reached low Earth orbit height.
   At the time of writing, it is unclear whether the bitz burned up in the atmosphere or landed somewhere unimportant. Insurance companies are looking down in the mouth and Virgin Intergalactic shares took a nosedive.

NHS bosses are considering reviving the M*A*S*H concept; but using civilians; in areas where the customers are overwhelming local NHS services and there are areas where a tent encampment can be deployed.

They’ve got you either way
People who spot that the glass is half empty and worry about filling it up will become anxiety challenged mental elves, according to some Xperts.
   People who decide that the glass is half full and there's no need to do anything right away, i.e. procrastinators, will also become depressed mental elves, other Xperts reckon.

Right to skive now universal ’uman bluddy right
Students at Cambridge U. are up in arms about having to attend lectures again. They much prefer to watch a recording at a suitable window in their busy social life rather than have to be in a lecture theatre at a fixed time.

Week 18: the Patriots in Buffalo
22 minutes of cricket on the recroding from Sky, which means no 4th quarter.
   The Bills ran the kick off back 96 yards for a TD! NE were sacked to a punt. So were the Bills. The Patriots made it 7-all in the 9th minute. The Bills retook the lead with a TD in the first minute of Q2, 7-14. The Patriots got level in the 12th minute. Nearly for the Bills as the half ran out but a pick with seconds to go to half time stopped them.
   A pick stopped NE at the edge of the red zone in Q3, the Bills fumbled the ball away, FG for the Pats, 17-14. So Hines ran the kick off back 101 yards for another TD!!! 17-21 after 8 minutes. And another TD in the 14th minute, 17-28 and the Sky recroding ran out.
   Over to you, ViewTube. TD for NE in the 4th minute, no +2, 23-28. Another TD for the Bills after 6 minutes, 23-35. NE bagged a bogged punt catch but were stopped by a pick. Another pick of a batted ball helped the Bills to run the clock out.

Q: What do you call actor persons who wait 55 years until after the director who oppressed them (allegedly) is dead before they sue a film company over nude scenes in a film that launched their careers?
A: Contemptible wibble wonkers with dollar signs for eyes, if they want 500 million of them.

Something else the self-satisfied Wee Burney is getting a booting for is failing to turn Robbie Burns, the iconic Scottish national poet, into a tourist magnet.
   Is there nothing the SNP can do apart from sit on its collective hands looking helpless? And screw things up; ferries, roads, the NHS, education, etc., etc.

Week 18: the Giants in Philadelphia
The Eagles kicked a FG after 3 minutes and added a TD after 11, 0-10. A fake FG play by the Giants blew up at the end of the quarter. The PE kicked a FG 5 minutes in to Q2. They were sacked to another as the half ran out, 0-16.
   A pick in their goal saved the NJG from going another TD down in Q3. The PE were back for another FG in the 9th minute, 0-19. The Giants got to & goal, just a FG, 3-19. But they managed a TD, but not +2, in Q4. 9-19. The PE were stopped @ & goal, FG, 9-22 with 3 minutes left. The Giants managed one of the TDs needed for a win but not the other. 16-22 final.

Sensation in court!
Prince Hairy claims he didn't sell his family down the river with that ludicrous book. In fact, he reckons, he has just escaped from being held prisoner on a remote ranch in the Arizona badlands. All the TV stuff about the book wot he didn't write was done by a good lookalike.
“I still think Hairy is the sort of headbanger who'd park his boats under the bridges before he burned them.” Subb Okken

Laughing scornfully in the face of danger
Prince Hairy and his new bodyguard will be making a goodwill visit to Talibanistan shortly to build bridges of friendship. This is something his Hairiness has a reputation for being totally wonderful at.

Climate change might be real & happening but it's nothing to shout about. No matter which way you look at it, a national average temperature of 10.3 deg.C is cold.

“What's all this crap about Britain's attempt to launch satellites from our territory being a flop? Since when was Virgin Intergalactic 'Britain'?” Ima Nailen

“How many people died because of yesterday's NHS strikers? Are they going to get apologies from Sirk Reepy & his trade union paymasters? Some hope.” R. Tifact

One way to do it
HM's prison in Perth is making the inmates play with Lego as part of its rehabilitation strategy. Using Lego is supposed to boost communication skills, so if some bad guy sticks a gun in your face and demands your 10-grand watch and your wallet with a pithy quotation, the chances are he's been Legotized.

Vigorous debate rather than Buggins' turn if it took 15 votes to elect a new Squeaker of the House of Reps in the Untied States?

Q: What is a good Xcuse for blowing a bathtub of cash on space travel?
A: Claim the Yellow Peril will bag all the best bitz of the Moon—the ones with Xploitable resources—if the US doesn't blag them first.
Q: What is a good way to rattle the Chinese government's cage?
A: Blow the whistle on their plan to dominate outer space by stealth.

Do you want Adventure without Travel?
Fun without Inconvenience?
Try White-Water Rafting!
Wet or Dry—YOU choose!
Romiley Virtual Reality, 32 Annex, Riverside Drive

Orf with it!
The head of the head of the Royal College of Kiddiwinks should be rolling for the ludicrous tale that the teef of the nation's kiddies are rotten 'coz the Tories have made their parents too poor to afford 50p for a toothbrush.

Sirk Reepy Smarmer's idea of taking back control—a thieved Brexit slogan recycled by a confirmed Bremoaner—is to give it to useless Labour figureheads out in the sticks like our cosmetic mayor Jonah Burnham, the Clown of Catastrophe. That's how crap Smarmer is.
“Who's it going to be taken from, the cash to pay for all the crap? The paying customers along with lotz more of their cash to pay for the non-jobs and a massive support staff?” Gal Axy

Bogus refugees are having to compete with NHS customers for places in hotels at the taxpayer's Xpense as the drive to take medically fit customers out of hospitals continues.

We live on an island built on coal and surrounded by fish & oxygen. So no surprise that using coal in banned, fishing is regulated to death and hospitals don't have enuff oxygen.

Friday the 13th no longer holds any special terrors. Not with the trade unions making EVERY day terrible.

The DoomBuggers using the twindemic of flu + the Chinese plague as an alibi are frantically looking for another Xcuse as both diseases are on the wane. Maybe the unlocked-in subjects of China's Chairman Sheesh will bring them that which they crave so desperately.

Today’s Word:
twomidable—formidable is no longer affordable
“Shouldn't that be 'aftwodable'?” Ima Pedant

Pensioners priced out of childcare market
The cost of 25 hour/week of childcare for a youngster under 2 years of age is now £7,200/year, which is the whole of what a single pensioner on the old state pension gets.

“Doing cosmetic gorbal warmage stuff here is as effective as cutting your toenails when you have a headache.” Arnie Gallo

What BS newspaper editors come up with!
According to one of them, we can put a man on the Moon but we don't have the gumption to improve our water storage capacity (to take advantage of wet weather spells and prevent hosepipe bans).
   Remind us, how many Brits has the UK put on the Moon? That's names, dates and mother's maiden name.

The Social Mobility Commission has turned out to be just another make-work Xcuse for handing taxpayers' money to Those People.

Today’s Revelation:
DEFRA = Department for Environment-Fucking Royally & Excessively
   It is one of the many government departments which are wrecking the country using taxpayers' money with The Blob's full approval.

Sherie’s first RoundUp of the month
“When everyone has become a mental elf and it's the new normal, can the Xperts and the terminally tedious stop banging on about it? Probably not.” Roman Acley
“Is anyone keeping a tally of the unnecessary deaths caused by the strikes called by Labour's paymasters? Or is that something The Blobachevskis in the civil service feels obliged to ignore?” Nokhan Dhu
“How does going on strike over staffing levels—oh, no, not pay, perish the thought—help the NHS with its staffing level problems?” Hral Vaxt
“The BMA has to be out of its tree if this union thinks junior doctors should be paid more than the 26% they're demanding. Shame all the looney bins are full and there's no room for the BMA bosses.” Blow Nupp
“If junior docs are allowed to leave the NHS to work abroad, they should have to cough up the £275,000 it cost the nation to train them to allow a replacement to be trained. Fair's Fair.” Col Erado

R U a Fan of Zero Man?
Winston Churchill famously told the nation he had nothing to offer but blood, tears, toil and sweat. Sir boozy Starmer has simplified the concept. He has nothing to offer.

No relief, never
One of life's greatest pains is the constant whining noise coming from the ludicrous left because they're not in charge and not able to shove their hands up to the shoulder into our pockets.

Vulture ‘n’ Rat RoundUp
Prince Hairy declares that his family are biased only when unconscious.
Prince Hairy declares that it was the imposter who was bragging about offing 25 Talibandits.
Sirb Eery Smarmer accused of prolonging strikes for his own personal financial benefit.
Smarmer to take back control—in order to hand it to his trade union paymasters.
Comfort binge-eating might damage your heart and kill you, or it might not. As usual, the Xperts can't say one way or the other.
The Talibandits have offered the world a sensational deal. Parallel trials for war crimes & crimes against humanity in adjacent courts for Hapless Hairy & Putrid the Poisoner.
Iranian plot to build a dirty bomb for use in Britain foiled! Airport security detected in a shipment from the Middle East, the routine uranium which would have been the dirty component of the bomb.

Sing us another one, do!
If it is true that the UK's most deprived areas have 10x more betting shops than affluent ones, should we take the closure of the bookie's on Compstall Road as a sign of affluence here in Romiley?
   Were it not for the ease with which money can be thrown away via online gambling, we might be a little encouraged.

Universal Fall-Gaucho
President Trump is getting the blame for the invasion of the public buildings in Brasilia by anti-communist protesters dressed in the yellow & green national colours of Brasil.
   Trump supporters showed how unready the American security system @ Congress was for a spontaneous mass protest. Brasil clearly hasn't learnt any of the lessons on offer.

Putinstan is claiming a Guinness World Record for wiping out 600 Ukrainian troops with strikes on 2 buildings in the Donyetsk region.
   One small problem—international observers and journalists found that the missles missed their intended targets [which is why they're called missles? Ed,] and there were no Ukrainian troops concentrated in the area at the time.

Procrastination is a bad idea, the Xperts have decided. Well, no sugar, Shirley! Maybe someone should have mentioned to the alleged Xperts that most words of any length beginning with 'pro' have been abused by Those People to the point of ludicrosity, turning them into Xcuses for wasting other people's time & money.
   Progressive & proactive are perhaps the worth of them.

Q: What do you call someone who yells for a truce and then ignores it?
A: Putrid the Poisoner?
[Sounds about right. Ed.]

Despite the amazement of the Xperts, nobody in the real world is surprised to learn that electric vehicles cost more to run than petrol & diesel vehicles on long journeys.
   The infrastructure is there for vehicles running on liquid fuels. It isn't there yet for electrics.

Public Service Announcement He's been called the Blogger of the Decade His intellect is matched only by the size of his luck and the size of his bank balance. And yet he manages to keep his Feet On The Ground with the greatest of ease. Do yourself a favour and find out what Xavier has had to say about what's going on Right Now!

WEEK 3    Kreepily Putin the ‘anal’ into banal

 
Double Bubble
That Prince Hairy is a crafty sod. His minions are already scribbling another book in which he denies all the claims in the Spare one!
Prince Hairy claims he was high on Nepalese Temple Marching tablets during the whole of the first book confection process.

Imitation, Schmimitation
The Mediterranean Diet; the alleged key to perfect health; is rapidly becoming unaffordable due to the costa living crisis. And olive oil is going Xtinct due to the climate crisis. What we need desperately is a crisis crisis to make them all go away!
At the Esso/Londis site, petrol is 142.9p/litre and diesel is 164.9p/litre. Petrol still going darn!

Wot do bankers kno anyway?
The World Bank is cheerleading for two global recessions in the same decade. One small problem. The first recession of their bogus pair took place in 2020, which is the last year of the second decade of this century. If there is one this year, it will be in the third decade of the century. Details, schmetails.

Is Hapless Hairy on a healing journey? It looks more like a perpetual joyride of grievance confection.
   And a crusade to pile up a mountain of dosh to argue over when Mhegan the Muciloid dumps him.

Labour MPs, including the Balls-Cooper woman, are being paid hundreds of thousands of pounds by a lefty millionaire via a zero-footprint company. For what? That piece of information is not on offer but the amount of dosh involved is the equivalent of a trade union bung to the party.

Oh, dear. A Greek academic has acknowledged that the Elgin Marbles are much better off in a London museum than in Greece. They will not survive if Greek 'Xperts' are allowed to get their mitts on them, he reckons.

Today’s Thought
A stunt in a punt can make you grunt,
But a hullabaloo in a canoe, you'll always rue.

The BierBC's Director, General T. Davie, has been revealed to be under the thumb of the transister Mafia. All the BierBC's output has to be biased in their direction, or else.
   This is in keeping with the BierBC's abandonment of any pretence of impartiality.

Two of a kind
When you think about it, is there that much difference between Hapless Hairy telling us how rotten everyone is to him and Angelica Robot, Sir Smarmer's sidekick, telling us how much it cost to get her tits fixed after she stopped being the size of a house? Two people desperate to be noticed, both for impure reasons.

"The bastards," we are told with appropriate indignation, "are lying to us." But be honest, when have they ever done anything else? It's all they can do.

The 'science' of the mad house
Alleged Xperts are telling the Home Office that bogus asylum seekers who pretend to be children should have a 'uman bluddy right to refuse to take the test which would confirm they are liars.
   Wot next? Criminals to get the 'uman bluddy right to decide not to be arrested, tried and sent to gaol or fined if caught?
“That last one is bound to be in the next Kreepy Labour election manifesto.” New Tron

Schmustice
Newcastle City Council has been fined £290,000 with costs for failing to cut down a decaying tree, which fell on a 6-year-old girl and killed her.
   How is that justice if the council taxpayers of Newcastle—lose a big chunk of cash but the negligent parties get away with it?

Advertisement Coming soon to Channel Four: The Four Just Men A side-splitting and sparkling situation comedy series about the busy lives of four young urban flatmates, who were all women until a month before the series opens.

What's this white stuff that's falling out of the sky?

Reasons To Be Cheerful
“On a positive note, the attempt to launch some satellites made by Mr. Branston's Virgin Intergalactic might have flopped, but unlike NASA & its Russian equivalent, they can still claim their employee & passenger body count still ain't all that high.” Kron Kite
“That stuff about the first attempt to launch cargo into near Earth orbit from UK soil being a flop is . . . total bollocks. The launch was made in mid-air from a Jumbo jet. We still have the 'success from UK soil' launch option available to us. Woooo!” Ledin Pensil

Unilever is how hopelessly wonk and its products, especially Lux soap & Ben 'n' Jerriz ice cream, are to be boycotted (and girlcotted) by all decent 'uman beanz.

Wild Cards #1: the Squawks vs the 49ers
San Fran were held to a FG in the 5th minute, then a 66 yard run by McCaffrey set up a TD pass to him and 0-10.
   Walker Ill hit the SF end zone early in Q2. FG in reply, 13-7. A 50 yard pass play to Metcalf put the Seasquawks 14-13 up. A 46-yarder gave SF the lead but a daft head-shot on the SS QB gave them a penalty and a chance to kick a 56-yard FG with 1 second on the clock. 17-16 at the half.
   SF got to & goal in Q3, Charge! for a TD. And another with a pass in the 1st minute of Q4. +2, 17-31. Samuel took a pass 74 yards for a TD. The Squawks got one in the 13th minute, no +2, 23-41 final. Well, the home team should win in the playoffs.

Putrid the Poisoner has revealed that attacking Ukraine was just a ploy. His real aim was to find out just how inferior Putinstani arms, troops & officers are to those of the UK & the US to give him an Xcuse to kick some arse in Putinstan and make some improvements before the Chinese attack him.
   Of course, losing the income from selling natural gas to Germany & other European states was a big boot to the goolies of any plan to build up his forces. But who Xpects a despot to think that far ahead?

Local councils are planning to make parking so Xpensive that their income from its fees will vanish. How? By making it cheaper to get someone to drive your car around until you need it again than to park it.

Wild Cards #2: the Bolts @ the Jags
The Bolts converted a pick of a tipped pass into a TD in the 2nd minute. Another pick after 5 minutes, FG in the 9th minute, 10-0. Another pick with 2 minutes left, another TD, 17-0.
   The Bolts hit the end zone again 8 minutes into Q2 and kicked a FG in the 11th minute, 27-0. Finally, the Jags got some offence going, TD in the last minute of the half, 27-7. They added another TD 10 minutes in to Q3. The Bolts replied with a 50-yard FG, 30-14.
   A deep pass to a wide open JJ receiver, no +2, 30-20. Another TD after 10 minutes got the +2 from the 1 yard line after the Bolts were unsporting, 30-28. The Jags then put together a long drive and kicked a 36-yard FG as time ran out.
   The Bolts could see flags on the field and started celebrating. But the penalty, and the laugh, was on them. Unbelievable. 30-31 final. Squeeeeek by the home team!

The county of Sussex is to change its name to avoid being associated with a pair of hopeless whingers & scroungers.

Q: Will paying MPs more attract the finest minds to the job?
A: All it will do is put more taxpayers' money into the pockets of the usual-suspect chancers, the Harpersons, Smarmers, Daveys, Osbornes, Hunts, Milipedes, etc.

Earth’s enemy at it again
Must be the school holidays. Greenhouse Grotter, the angstiest teenage twerp on the planet, is in Germany, making a nuisance of herself at a site where the de-nuclearized and un-gassed Germans are having to extend a coal mine to keep the lights on.
   Grotter is moaning that the carbon should stay in the ground, ignoring the fact that the increased carbon dioxide levels in the atmosphere are encouraging plant growth and making The Planet visibly greener as seen from space.
“Are we supposed to believe that she pedalled all the way to that part of Germany on her GrotterTrike to avoid carbon emissions from cars/airliners and will be going home the same way?” Hadd Ron

Wild Cards #3: the Dolphins @ the Bills
What a catch after 7 minutes! TD for the Bills, Allen to Knox. An immediate pick by the Bills gave them another TD after 10 minutes, 0-14. Knox again in Q2? Incomplete pass and the Bills were sacked to a FG, 0-17. One for the Fins in the 8th minute, 3-14. An immediate pick by the Fins was followed by a punch-up, held to a FG, 6-17.
   A 54-yard pass play by the Bills? The ball hit the ground. The punt was run back to the BB 27, just a FG, 9-17. An immediate pick gave the Dolphins a TD+2, 17-all. The Bills used the 33 seconds left in the half to get to FG range, 17-20.
   A fumble by Allen a minute in to Q3 gave the MD a TD! 24-20. The BB got a pick half-way through the quarter at the MD 33, on to a TD, 24-27. They were back for another after 13 minutes, 24-34. The MD made a 2nd & 18 on the way to a TD 4 minutes in to Q4, 31-34. The defences ruled. The MD went out on a 4th down with 2:22 left. The End.

Man who once walked past Eton College suspected
       of not appreciating Sirk Reepy Smarmer
[Desperate for handles, or what!! Ed.]

The plasticizers are dismayed by reports that people are using actual money more these days, and keeping cards in their wallet to keep better tracks of where their wealth is going during the various crises.

Swings & Arrows
Marsman Musk has claimed the world record for the biggest ever crash in personal wealth with a truly magnifico slump in his assets of $165,000,000,000 between November 2021 and December 2023.
   The previous contender, a Japanese tech investor, dropped a mere $58,000,000,000. All is not doom & gloom for Mr. Musk, however, as he was still worth $186,000,000,000 at the last count.

The Iranian super-dirty bomb story has been dismissed as the product of over-active imaginations.

Wild Cards #4: the New Jersey Giants @ the Vikings
The Vikings took the opening drive to & goal and a TD for Cousins. The NJG made it 7-all after 10 minutes, and 14-7 after 14 minutes. The Giants got to & goal but were held to a FG in the 13th minute of Q2, 17-7. The MV swarmed to the red zone, TD in the last minute of the half, 17-14.
   A TD from the Q3 opener put the NJG 24-14 ahead. The MV pulled one back in the 8th minute, 24-21. The MV made a 4th & 2 @ the NJG 43 with an 18-yard pass play to end Q3. A FG in the 3rd minute of Q4 got them to 24-all.
   The Giants remembered how to score, 31-24 in the 8th minute. And that was the end of the scoring. So much for the home team always having to win.

Free ride for the Worried Well
Sirk Reepy Smarmer has awarded himself a medical degree after admitting that the ludicrous left has wrecked the NHS GP service.
   He now feels that it would be a wonderful idea to let the customers bypass GPs and go straight to the hospital of their choice to demand treatment for whatever they think ails them.
   Does the universal condemnation of his brainstorm bovver him? Not even a tiny bit.
“There's a good Xcuse for the GPs' union to call a strike. Not that too many people will notice it, given the current inaccessibility of GPs.” Office Bonce

Wild Cards #5: the Ravens @ the Bengals
The Bengals were held to a FG. Then they picked a late pass throw, advanced to the red zone despite a sack by the BR, and scored a TD in Q2. 0-9 after the PAT missed. A face mask penalty put the Ravens @ the CB 2, TD, 7-9 after 10 minutes. Crash! A forced fumble went to the BR but the half ran out, FG, 10-9.
   The Bengals reached the red zone in Q3, almost a TD, Charge! 10-17 with +2. The BR made it 17-all in the 13th minute. They tried a Charge! from & goal in Q4 but fumbled the ball away and 94 returned it 98 yards for a TD!! 17-24, 11 minutes left. Inside the 2 Minute Warning, the Ravens were @ the CB 27 facing 4th & 20. Fail Mary, no TD, The End.

Sherie Rounds ’Em Up Again
“If the NHS really has gone along with the fantasy that men can give birth, then it is to be avoided like the Chinese plague. After all, who knows what other dangerous bollocks is circulating unchallenged?” J. Obsworth
“Unless this is a cunning plan to drive the rich & nervous to the private sector and persuade nervous paupers to groan & bear it to relieve the collapsed NHS.” C.A. Tatonic

“If the Snackstabber really wants to get a fight back against the Smarmer stooges on the road, he needs to sack the current sorry shower of spin doctors in favour of some people who are in touch with the real world and what is happening in it.” Banzai Guy

“Do you need special training to be able to keep your face straight when telling pork pies the size of a dustbin lid? Or does it come naturally to some people? Especially those who have scoffed more drugs than you can shake a stick at.” R. Noldtraj
“Are the police to blame for Hapless Hairy? After all, it was their idea to decriminalize drug use to give themselves more leisure time.” Oso Chemosabe

Agenda Benda
The Labour party is in the pocket of a guy who is also bankrolling the looneys who stop traffic and glue themselves to things.
   Definitely something to keep in mind the next time Sirk Reepiest Smarmer tries to play the Wonderful Pro-Britisch Guy card.

It’s still about . . .
There might be local shortages of oxygen in the NHS but there is no shortage of the oxygen of publicity on offer from the BierBC if you're a terrorist groupie like S. Begum, the Bride of Isis.
   The BierBC will dole out as much as she and her kind can handle, and all at the licence-payer's Xpense, of course.

Wild Cards #6: the Cowboys @ the Pirates
The DC went 3 & out. BFD. They opened the scoring with a TD in the 9th minute; the PAT was botched. The Bucs got to & goal but Brady was picked in the end zone as the first play of Q2. Prescott did an & goal bamboozle on 4th down for a TD, another bogged PAT, 12-0. A second TD for Schultz in the last minute, another missed PAT, sack this guy, 18-0.
   Gallup took a TD pass in Q3, Maher missed PAT No. 4, 24-0. A DC fumble recovery was cancelled by a review and TB got a TD as the last play of Q3. No +2, 24-6. The Cowboys went for 4th & 4 in the red zone rather than trust their deadleg kicker with a FG try, TD, Wow!! A PAT! 31-6. The Bucs were sacked to a 4th & goal and went out on downs. They scored a TD with 2:04 left and managed +2, 31-14. They fielded the on-side kick but went out on a 4th down. The End.

The French are going on strike to make today a National Day of Inaction. But will anyone notice anything different about it?

Wee Burney 'Sturgeon i's 'spitting feather's after PM 'Snack block's her "Pick your own gender" Bill.
   "If thi's veto 'succeed's, it will be the fir'st of many," 'she yelped after doing an apo'strophe bomb on Twatter.
   A's many a's nece's'sary, it i's to be hoped.

Q: Is TV the best way to get the news, as TV companies claim?
A: It's the best way to get views on the news, but if those views have a hopeless left-wing bias, the 'news' they have to offer is relatively worthless.

Problems are for ignoring . . .
. . . or blaming on the Englisch
Wee Burney's crew are trying to make the elderly feel guilty about using scarce NHS Scotland resources in an attempt to create some slack and cover up the mess Burney & Co. are making of running the NHS north of the border.
   Burney is also running a neverendum on the sly. For some time, every vote on everything in Scotland has been considered as a possible de facto referendum on making her the Queen of an independent Burneystan and this state of affairs will continue until she looks like getting a vote that will actually go her way.

Advertisement Coming soon to Channel Four: The November Man This is the all-action story of a deep undercover female spy who transitioned to evade her former employers on November 5th—with explosive consequences . . .

“They can't possibly remake The Man From U.N.C.L.E. with transisters replacing Napoleon Solo & Iliya Kuryakin. Can they?” Finn Gurliss

Major triumph @ Romiley Cactus Ranch
First ever flowering of a new strain greeted with deep joy by the dedicated staff.

Gulp! Is Hapless Hairy a demented doshan dooshank who doesn't know which century it is as a result of his Xtensive self-confessed drug abuse?
   That's the latest theory about him—and one that certainly goes a long way to Xplaining rather a lot.

Recollections may be fabricated. Very badly.
Booksellers are being forced to move Hapless Hairy's effort to their fiction section to avoid prosecution under the Trades Descriptions Act. The inevitable detailed analysis of the content has found that it is wall-to-wall blunders of detail and outright lies.

Well, not really. London's cosmetic mayor, Sadgeek K'han't, revealing that the Labour party is trying to sabotage Brexit ain't Xactly news if they've been at it for years.

(a real one) Throwing cash at the NHS doesn't make it work. The budget for England has risen from £49 BILLION in 2001/02 to £191 BILLION for 2021/22 but the NHS still ain't delivering.

Dismal times ahead
The RAC is bracing itself for a surge of calls about pothole damage as the recent wet weather is sure to have created record numbers of defects in neglected roads. Especially with help from freeze/thaw cycles.

A bloke has been arrested for the December uranium importing kerfuffle. No information is on offer about what the bloke was going to do with the uranium or why he was also importing scrap metal to a country overflowing with it. The bloke got bail, which means he's not exactly another Carlos the Jackal.

Letting the side down
Sergeant Schultz, the German Canceller, is getting a booting for being on Team Putrid and failing to send old Leopard tanks to Ukraine to help the war effort against Putrid the Poisoner's gang.

Q: Is the NHS fit for purpose?
A: It hasn't been for years but the people making money out of running it (into the ground) are in permanent denial.

Today’s Advice
Everything is in the hands of useless bastards. You can't change that so there's no point in obsessing about it.

++ Ludicrous left outraged by plan to let police arrest people walking on roads to obstruct traffic ++ Obstructing morons funded by major Labour donor, so party stooges have to pretend be outraged ++
Pravda News: ++ UK Government orders nation to take clothes off for holiday ++ Demands General Streak for Christmas ++
Channel Four plans for remake of The Quiet Man postponed indefinitely until they can find a transister who will shut up occasionally.
Much wailing & gnashing of teeth at the BierBC. The wheels have come off its guarantee that the average yearly energy bill for a family of 5 would reach £7,700.
PM Snack is in real trouble. His TV performances are being described as even more wooden than those of Gordon F. Broon.
Ludicrous left-led junior doctors are now demanding a 30% pay rise with the threat that if they don't get it right away, the demand will go up to 40%
Mhegan the Muciloid now decides who appears on ITV. Which Xplains why there's nothing much worth watching on it.
“Natch, the Tories are to blame” O.B. Stacle

The Theory: Doctors are told to hand out statin pills to customers who ask for them whether they need them medically or not.
The Practice: Customers cannot get to see a doctor.

Endless con job
Unreliables are causing untold [actually, often and well told, Ed.] misery to the nation. Gas & electricity prices are back where they were before Putrid the Poisoner invaded Ukraine but energy prices are sky high to pay subsidies to the unreliables—wind & solar.

Today’s Topic: Are telephones going Xtinct as instruments of communication?
Phone the cops after a burgalry, no one comes. Phone any part of the NHS, no one comes. Phone a utility company and you get to listen to crap 'music' until you lose the will to live. Same with banks. What's the point of having a phone? There ain't one.

Na-na Naa Na, Hey, Hey, Hey . . . Woke to Joke
The wonk PM of New Zealand is to cut & run to avoid electoral wipe-out as the people's reaction to her disastrous response to the Chinese plague. Putin the entire country into a lock-in comparable to the one imposed by Chairman Shish on China on the basis of a single plague case has done untold damage to everything, as in China.
   [See previous comment on untold. Ed.]
   She is nowhere near Putrid the Poisoner in the Most Hated Tosser on The Planet stakes but she's working on it.

Sussed
As Little John in the Daily Disaster pointed out, trade union leaders want government ministers to get round the table. But which table?
   Not an official table in a place of work where negotions take place. Muck 'who ate all the pies?' Lunch's kitchen table so he can continue eating pies whilst he pretends to Negotiate @ Home.
“I wonder if Chairman Shish can come up with a cunning variant of the Chinese plague that aims its 'orrible self only @ strikers?” X. Plode

Q: What is a good way to upset Wee Sterney Burgeon?
A: Stomp all over her pointless virtue-flagging gender-bender law.

Worst of all worlds
SNP social engineering has put an effective ban on students from middle-class families having access to top university courses. Only those with a 'disadvantaged' label need apply.
“Being logical about it; okay, logic doesn't apply to politics; being middle-class now entitles teenagers to wear the disadvantaged label in WeeBurneystan.” M.K.

It’s California—what do you Xpect?
Southern California U's School of Social Wonk has been showered with derision for cancelling the term 'field work' because wonks assume it means picking cotton by hand and other slave tasks.
   As a result, students are now no longer allowed on football and baseball fields here. Hockey, which is played on a pitch (or ice) is not affected.
Field mice are banned from all USC properties.
Use of a Latin alternative for field is acceptable even though the Romans were big on slavery. About as big as USC is little on common sense.

Today’s Quotation:
Forsake the day.
Step out lightly across a field of dreams
where nothing ever stays the way it seems, and no one cares.

Is Creaky Joe a spy for Putinstan?
President Creaky Joe thinks it's okay for him to keep top secret documents in his garage. Donald Trump having them is an entirely different matter, of course. Even if President Trump kept his secret stuff in a secure space.
“Trump taking more secret stuff as an argument won't wash. One file or a million, the absolute offence remains the same. Not that Democraps will recognize the logic for the obvious reason.” Noah Highway

Q: What Xactly is Shaming Begum famous for?
A: Sewing human sacrifices into a suicide vest so they can't wriggle out of it.

Why did we get a botched snow storm the other day? 'Coz it was Blue Monday, the most depressing day of the year. Looks like Those People at Weather Control were trying, and failing, to help out. Nice of them.

WEEK 4    Putin the ‘tank’ into cantankerous

 
left Some dissent in the ranks of strikers

right What the strikes are really about
[Don't the buggers look happy? Ed.]

Q: What's a good way to upset NHS strikers?
A: Xtend visiting hours in the abandoned hospitals and let relatives of the customers help to fill the gaps.

The Labour party is using £700,000 of extra cash from the taxpayer to give its staff a 10.7% pay rise. This is what Labour always does—virtue flagging with someone else's dosh.
The major UK event for pigeon fanciers will be held in Blackpool without pigeons this year due to the bird flu epidemic. A good attendance is still Xpected as the lack of distracting birds will allow visitors to focus in the important things like booze and chat.
The World Cup struck a significant blow to attempts by the World Bank, the Bonk of England, Chancellor rhymes with Hunt and the other guesstimators who are trying to talk everywhere into a major recession. Apparently, the football related feel-good at the end of last year caused an unforgivable spurt of economic growth.

“If the majority of customers in Putinstan really do believe Putrid the Poisoner's BS about Narzis in Ukraine, then they are as bad as their leader and they deserve one another.” Hec Sagonal
“What has happened to all the Xtremists in Germany? When they rounded up a couple of dozen of them last December, the Germans and the news meerja assured us they were all over the place, eager to putsch and shove their way to power. Since then, nowt, nada, zip.” Con Tort

Advertisement Coming soon to Channel Four: A Man For All Seasons Thomasina More, an actress who usually plays the principal boy in pantomimes, decides to take on male roles throughout the rest of the theatrical year—with amazing results.

Blight-on Democrazy
The mugs running Aberdeen U. think watching a cartoon of the Peter Pan story or reading the book could be emotionally challenging for the childminded students who go there. Doshan, or what!
   University College, London, actively promotes the white privilege cult by constantly reminding its customers about it.
   Warwick U. no longer uses the term 'trigger warning' to avoid upsetting its childminded customers, who are liable to think it means someone is going to shoot them.
   The wonkest universities are heavily reliant on Chinese funding as they are losing donations and legacies from UK sources. Consequently, they feel obliged to spread morale-sapping propaganda in the cause of establishing Chinese world dominance. The cult of the useful idiot remains with us.

Divisionals: the Jaguars in Kansas City
The Chiefs' opener went to a TD. The Jags returned the kick off to the KC 39! 7-all after 10 minutes. Mahomes was dinged and his team kicked a 50-yard FG a minute into Q2. A TD for Kelce put KC 7-17 ahead. The Jags had just enough time to do a 41-yard FG, 10-17 at half time.
   A 50-yard FG by KC was answered by a TD in Q4, 17-20. Rain on the cameras. A TD after 8 minutes restored the KC 10-point lead. The Jags kicked a 48-yard FG in the last minute, 20-27 with 25 seconds left. KC fielded the banana kick off. The End.

Mobile traffic will become a thing of the past if driverless cars are allowed on to the roads. So many licenceless would-be travellers will crowd their automatic electrics into the Xisting jams that total national gridlock will become the new normal.

We are now living in The Age of Delusion, in which wonks claim that what they think is true is more valid than what is actually true.
   If there are more enlightened times in the future, this will be in the history books as an actual Dark Age. That's as opposed to what was called the Dark Age in the first millennium, which was dark only because scholars had little idea of how people were living and getting by after the record-keeping Romans left.
   Barring a nuclear holocaust as a legacy of a Putrid the Poisoner who lost it completely, scholars of the future will find themselves drowning in the evidence of just how far off the beam things are now.

Divisionals: The New Jersey Giants in Philly
The Eagles took their opener to the red zone, TD for Goedert after a fingertip catch. D. Smith went in for another in the 14th minute, 0-14. B. Scott made it 0-21 mid-way through Q2. The Eagles were at the NJG 5 in the last minute. Hurts juggled the snap, then made a dash for the side of the end zone! 0-28.
   Someone told the Giants where to look for the PE end zone during the break and they managed a TD in the 9th minute of Q3. Nearly another for the PE but they were held to a FG, 7-31 with 5 minutes left. Gainwell put the tin lid on things with an end zone dash from the NJG 35, 7-38 with 1:51 left. And that was enuff.

Transisters are up in arms over being used as a blunt weapon by Wee Burney in her campaign to confect Scottisch independence and make herself the first ever Queen of New Scotia.

Labour is outraged by the government's £2 levelling drive, which will deprive run-down Labour areas of their main whinge—of being left behind—and force them to confect a new one.
Levelling up is now officially stepping up. Or flattening out. Some bloody thing like that.

Of course, it’s a racket
20% of the population are claiming to be disabled and entitled to other people's cash & special treatment. A level of 45% is Xpected by the end of the decade by including mental elves & the slightly eccentric and allowing self-certification.
   The level is predicted to reach 100% by the middle of 2031, when the Xploited get in on the racket, too, to stop being fleeced by scroungers. It is also possible that the slide could be accelerated by the revelation that over 50% of the population grab more from the taxpayer than they pay in tax.

Despite the best efforts of the DoomBuggers, the FTSE index is well over 7800; it was 6400 3 years ago; and on an upward trend.

Not just Marsman Musk knows that the great jamboree for politicians @ Davros, capital city of the Daleks, is 100 junket and 100% waste of the world's taxpayers' dosh.

Divisionals: the Bengals in snowy Buffalo
Six plays to a TD for the visitors. Hurst joined Chase on the score sheet in the 12th minute, 14-0. The Bills got to & goal in Q2, TD for Allen in the 8th minute, 14-7. Worra lorra snow! Chase again for the CB? Bobbled the ball, no catch, just a FG, 17-7.
   The BB managed a FG in the 8th minute of Q3, all the way for the CB after 13 minutes, 24-10. Q4? Those useless twats at Sky couldn't be arsed to show the Bengals get a FG in the 4th minute, the BB getting their first pick in the 14 minute and a final score of 27-10.

Sherie with a Quickie
“Has Lady S. Hussey had an apology from Mhegan the Muciloid yet? It was her persistent rachelism that sent the Royals to the wrong side of the divide and made them fail to support an employee who was being complained about by a notorious character.” R. Migallo
“If throwing more cash at the NHS doesn't improve it, maybe the government should start cutting the budget, and keep doing it as long as the chaos remains at the current level.” Tel Yalies
“Shame we can't get Putrid to shoot some missles @ the Posturing Git Schools, which trade union leaders have to graduate from.” Dan Gerous

Divisionals: the Cowboys in San Francisco
Those twats at Sky couldn't find anything in Q1 to show but a FG for the 49ers in the 13th minute. The DC went ahead with a TD in the 6th minute of Q2, the PAT was blocked, 6-3. SF made it 6-all in the 12th minute. The Cowboys were stopped by a pick and a last second FG put SF 6-9 ahead.
   SF fumbled catching a DC punt in Q3, FG from it, 9-all. Red zone holding by the Cowboys helped the 9ers to a TD in Q4, 9-16. The dodgy DC kicker managed a 43 yard FG, 12-16. One for SF with 3 minutes left, 12-19, and that's how it finished.

A carbon footprint as big as a continent’s
The prostitutes who flocked to the World bogus Economic Forum in Davros, capital city of the Daleks, in Switzerland (where prostitution is legal) were dressing in business clothes to blend in with the junketeers.
   Which can have embarrassing results for little known and/or 'tarty when drunk' delegates—male, female & nondescript.
   150 of these birds of a parallel feather in attendance this year? Some sectors of the world economy are clearly doing well.

Q: How can you tell that veganists have realized they are on a loser?
A: When they resort to claiming that calling the traditional sausage & batter dish 'toad in the hole' promotes animal torture.
“The veganist version is full of tasty ingredients like methylcellulose. Which is what? Chemically treated grass?” Fahr Kupp

On the same day Manchester airport was closed by 2" of snow, there was none @ Romiley, which is just 8 miles away on a clear day. Is there some sinister Chinese or Putinstani weapon targetting our airports from space with adverse weather?

Paymaster sez it, Kreepy jumps
The reason why Labour is so keen to abolish private schools has been clarified. It's so that the unions can get all of the teachers in the country out on strike everybloodywhere, not just the ones in state schools.

The clowns in the Home Office's Homeland Security Group are under instructions to find out what a terrorist's neopronouns are before putting any counter-measures in place.
   Prevention of the misuse of pronouns is deemed more important than preventing scumbags from killing & maiming taxpayers.

Profiteering Warning:
Esso petrol has gone up 1p to 143.9p/litre, diesel is still 164.9p/litre.

Hack, hack, it’s the snippets:
The world's oldest person has become younger, 115 instead of 118, Spanish rather than French, but remains female.
The Globe Theatre is getting a good booting for buggering about with Shakespeare's plays by making them wonk and issuing trigger warnings about their buggerings about.
It is now fashionable to blame the kilt cult for Scottisch gender ishues.

As the result of a severe outbreak of Burney's Disease, Edinburgh council is banning meat in school meals, which has to be just idle virtue-flagging if it is in pursuit of cosmetic & meaningless 'climate targets'.

Most dementia cases are a product of the customer's sloppy lifestyle, is the latest view of the health Xperts.

Inevitability
In its present state, the government's National Security Bill could be abused by ministers & officials to cover up their crimes against humanity? Wrong. It will be abused by crooks on the public payroll. That's what always happens.

The National Hesitation Union is still dithering over whether to call strikes and what they should be about.

The NHS strikers have added 50,000 luckless customers to waiting lists thus far. That's waiting lists for treatment and waiting lists for getting onto a waiting list.

The Department of Not Bloody Caring?
The Dept. for Transport is thinking about making MoT tests for vehicles something that is done every 2 years rather than annually. Even though the DfT stooges have been told that this will increase road deaths & injuries by putting more defective vehicles on them.

“The veganists blow another hole in the bottom of their canoe every time they try to make some of their stodge look like a conventional meat & dairy dish.” Bev Herage

“It's a lot rich for Labour MPs to accuse the Snackstabber PM of showing poor judgement over his lack of a seat belt when doing a promo video in the back of a moving car. They joined the Labour party of their own free will. How completely judgementless is that?” Lou Seaporter

Difference is an inevitable product of a dynamic system such as life on Earth. To survive equitably, people need to know how to handle difference, be it harmless, fun, annoying or downright dangerous.
   By pretending that only differences acceptable to them count, so-called educators are betraying their customers and turning them into vulnerable mugs.

Advertisement Coming soon to Channel Four? Who Wants to Bean a Millionaire? Your chance to get your revenge on someone whose enterprising attitude to money-making makes you look like a socialist turd floating in an unflushed toilet.

The boss of the British Museum has been granted a premium membership of The Pillock Club for banning the word 'mummy'. The Doshan Bleeda Club is also offering a complimentary membership.
The Gov. of the Bonk of England has been forced to rewrite his 'recession doom' pitch in the light of brighter economic circumstances. He is now having to grit his teeth as his cherished dream of a mega-recession sinks into the swamp of despond.

The Labour party's motive for going overboard for the transister vote at the expense of the votes of real wimmin has been Xposed.
   They are counting on Thrush putting something in the nation's water supply, which will turn all the blokes into transisters, who can be relied on to vote for a supportive Labour party.
In Sirk Reepy Smarmer's case, Thrush will have to put something in his bier.

The nation needs to be told
“Is Kreepy Labour secretly conspiring to replace all its female MPs with transisters to keep blokes in charge?” Denny Grate
“No more Angular Robot & Harridan Harperson & the Balls-Cooper woman? Yay!” Dee Generate

The Labour party is in an internal bidding war over the legal age for changing gender. The current best offer is 3.

Give us valves, not transisters!
A bloke who's done serious time for kidnapping, torture & attempted murder—30 years!!—and who's now claiming to be female, thinks the world owes him a living as a Labour MP. And his local Kreepy MPs agree. Bananas, or what!
Labour's Sec. for levelling down thinks there should be no bureaucracy involved in inventing one's own gender—whatever you like, whenever you like and as often as you want—and 13 is more than old enuff to step on to the merry-go-round.

“If everyone has the 'uman bluddy right to pretend to be any weird gender they invent, then everyone else has the 'uman bluddy right not to take them seriously.” Cal Seafried

Q: Do nurses on £35K really need to use food banques?
A: Assuming they're a female single parent with 5-8 kids, as Labour has done, yes.

La vérité n'existe plus.
Hapless Hairy killed it.

History Updates
1. King Henry VIII was on disability benefit for much of his adult life.
2. King Henry VIII was so poor after spending all his money on winning wars with France that he had to rely on food banks to feed his harem of six wives.
3. King Henry VIII was a non-binary badger-identifier in his teenage years.

J. Adern, the quitting before she's booted out prime monster of New Zealand, has been dumped in the Fantasist Box beside Hapless Hairy.

Q: What's a good way to wipe the smug grin off Greenhouse Grotter's mug?
A1: Drop her down the main shaft of the coal mine she's grumping about.
or A2: Make her get a job.
or A3: Pinch the wheels off her GrotterTrike so she has to walk home to avoid being seen to carbonate the atmosphere.

That wonderful warm spell the forecasters began threatening us with last week & into the weekend—it turned out to be a one-day wonder. Rather like politics. They promise the Earth and deliver a molehill.
“At least you get the molehill from the weatherolgists. No chance of one from Sirk Reepy Smarmer.” Alok Catlife

Advertisement Coming soon to Channel Four? DRAGULA Goes Legit What could be more terrifyingly ruthless than a transister vampire private eye?

“Does anyone in their right mind Xpect anything other than barefaced lies from trade unions that are trying to screw cash out of the wealth creators?” Summer Telse
“And their Labour party clients cum apologist, lie-wise.” Bill Perven
“36 million of a population of 67 million are getting more in benefits than they contribute to the public purse. And that's under a Tory government. Are there enuff food banks to go round if Labour gets in next time around?” Ned E. Gizzerd

Today’s Thought:
Predictable is boring only to those who are embarrassed by reliability.

A district council in Leicestershire is urging its paying customers to invest in bin-warmers as its minions will make no effort to empty a bin if the lid is frozen shut.

I’ll grump & I’ll grump till I blow yer hoose doon
“Wee Sterny Burgeon might be happy to send a male rapist to a female prison. No one knows for sure 'coz she's gone very quiet after a long period of chuntering about transister Xtremism. Something which is presumably okay when Xtremism by others ain't.” Gluton Luton
“Can the women in the prison sue Burney for putting them in danger? No doubt the legal trade is licking its collective lips and counting the feels.” Kon Stable
[That looks like it should have read 'counting the fees' but we couldn't resist leaving in place, what we assume was a typo by the contributor, Ed.]
“This bloke is a bad joke if he's still got a pianist. Maybe they should just dump him on Rockall with a couple of boxes of cornflakes and forget about him.” Ekstree Minate

The morons running the city council of San Francisco are planning to give $5M to every registered black person over 18 in the summer as compenbloodysation for slavery that took place in other states.
   They will have to find $40,000,000,000 of other people's money to pay for their lunacy. Which could be a bit of a problem if the state's major wealth creators decide to relocate.

Q: What is Corporal Underpants, a.k.a. C. Bryant MP, notorious for?
A: Claiming £35K from the taxpayer in expenses to rent somewhere to live in London whilst collecting £72K in rent for his penthouse in London.

Insurance, but not as we know it, Jim
What Xactly is the point of BUPA if you pay big bucks when there's nothing wrong with you and a HUGE (rather than small) fortune if something does go wrong?

Coffee for the taxpayer, £3.25 in London.
Subsidized coffee for MPs, £1.55.

What MPs say: "I failed to control my passion."
What it means: "I behaved like a lout & a scumbag but I'm entitled and you can't touch me so bloody there."

Always a scam
Council tax will have to go up by an Xtra 1% in April because of the postal strikes, which caused the notices of vexatious fines for motoring offences to arrive too late to be legally enforceable and councils have lost out on millions.

Upside down frock or novelty sweeping brush?
“How does she see where she's going?” Kon Tiki
“How does she get through normal doorways?” Claudtheboys Vanderpoise
“Nice of them to give her a big set of front buffers for when she walks into things.” Haar Devidence

The Yanks & the Krauts are doing their bit for Team Putrid. German tanks won't be going to Ukraine before the end of March and the gas-guzzling monsters from the Untied States, which run on jet fuel, not diesel, won't be there until next year; if at all.

A Putinstani stooge accusing the Baltic states of Russophobia has zero impact as Latvia, Lithuania & Estonia spent most of the last century under the heel of the Russian jackboot and being afraid of the Putinazis is eminently sensible.

The Royal Hathaway Company will be staging a performance of Little Women with an all-male cast to force the audience to think across intersecting lines of gender, age, size, class, disability, relative wealth [rich uncles, Ed.] and Taj Mahal (or some bloody thing).

Darn the Plughole
Canadians used to have a reputation for being nice, sensible people. Which makes it strange that some boffins there have concluded that having more than 2 alcoholic drinks per week is lethal.
   But if cannabis, heroin & crack cocaine are all compulsory in Canada at the behest of the premiere, J. Trudeau, the natives are likely to be too out of their skulls to be bovvered about such a petty restriction. And there is more than abundant evidence that lotz of normal people can get away with a modest-more alcohol consumption.

Climate change prevented 555,103 temperature-related excess deaths in the first 2 decades of this century.
A slight warming of The Planet has had no effect on the frequency & strength of tropical storms, the UN's IPCC and the US's NOMA data both show quite clearly.
Britain is colder than most of mainland Europe, which seems to be managing okay with its local climate.
The greatest threat to our welfare is politicians and their Net Zero bollocks, which will always be paid for by the Little People.
“Net Zero—is that when everyone stops using the internet to Save The Planet?” R.T. Faqt

WEEK 5    Putin the ‘turd’ into inturder

 
The BierBC is endangering the lives of billions of people via its biased reporting and in the process of causing the collapse of the Britisch economy. But no one is allowed to mention this in any BierBC broadcasts.

Why is the Labour party trying to prevent a free port from being opened up in the N.E. of England by spreading scare stories? Especially ones based on dodgy and blatantly wrong science?
   Has someone been paid off? Or is it just Sirk Reepy worried that prosperous Geordies won't vote Labour? The nation should be told.

There is a theory that Labour's anti-wimmin attitude is just them taking a break from the endemic anti-Semmitism and, after a suitable interval, when Chinese-made vests become unaffordable, it will be back to business as usual for the Comrades and the ladies will be ignored again.

Don’t encourage the ratbags
“In case you hadn't spotted it, serious research has proved that paying taxes to the government is a Bad Thing because the govt. always wastes our cash.” Gal Apagos

Does your art just loll about idly? If you want it to go places, get aboard the D*Y*N*A*M*I*S*M revolution T*O*D*A*Y! Romiley Virtual Reality, 32 Annex, Riverside Drive

Sherie Again
“No doubt some future historian will track down the Xact moment when the freedom of the press/news media became a freedom to ignore inconvenient news, as the BierBC is notorious for, and evolved into a freedom to slander & invent stuff about people who failed to buy their propaganda.” Banjo Verona
“There's nothing like a spot of winter for keeping the Xtinctionists in their box.” Syl Katargast
“We all kno the Snackstabber got a seat-belt fine only 'coz he's a Tory. If it had been Smarmer, the bloke who put his fellow Nonce Confecter, T. Watson, in the Lords, the police would have found an Xcuse to look the other way.” Redd Outfit

Greater than gross negligence by the Probation Service kept the psychopath J. McSweeney out of gaol and free to kill Z. Aleena when she was walking home after a night out.
   No probation staff will be Xecuted or even sacked for their crimes. That's the way it works in the public sector.
“Out of the same box as fining an NHS Trust eight hundred grand for killing a baby. All about moving money from one government pocket to another, nothing to do with preventing the infanticide from happening again.” Harr Endus

Fewercide—what the NHS strikers are managing to do to the ranks of the customers in need of treatment.

Who is better placed than a former Chancellor like N. Zahawi to know that paying tax to the government is a complete waste of time because the government will only waste the money?

Esso petrol/diesel 144.9p/164.9p—kept artificially high by profiteering scumbags?

Anatomy aWoken:
The lower jaw is now officially the persondible.

Is this a scam? Subject: Security Services From: pamelasummer@freenet.de Lineone.net Dear User, Our record indicates that you recently made a request to shut down your email. And this request will be processed shortly. If this request was made accidentally and you have no knowledge of it, you are advised to cancel the request now Cancel De-activation** However, if you do not cancel this request,your account will be shut down shortly and all your email data will be lost permanently. Regards. Email Administrator This message is auto-generated from an E-mail security server, and replies sent to this email can not be delivered. ** https://sites.google.com/view/mmmmmmmmmmm666666666/home?authuser=1

The state pension age could be raised to 70 next week!
[But the government wouldn't dare do it. Ed.]
“Trying to raise the pension age from 62 to 64 in France set off strikes & protest riots. That wouldn't be a problem here as we are already up to our eyebrows in greedy bastards on strike and self-indulgent, pointless protesters.” Manque Mostel

According to Sirk Reepy Steamer, Labour stands for tolerance & respect. But only for 0.000001 of a second. Then it goes back into intolerance and smear/sneer mode.

Giving him his marching orders
The Speakers of the Commons & the Lords have united to order Corporal Underpants, a.k.a. C. Bryant MP, to get a grip on All Party Parliamentary Groups, which are just junketeering clubs for MPs funded by dodgy sources in some cases.
   Corporal Underpants is supposed to be in charge of Parliamentary standards, which Xplains why they are in such a mess and why Harridan Harperson, who is as prejudiced as the corporal, has been put in charge of the Get Boris Committee.

There will be another Xcuse for skiving off work on offer shortly—getting a divorce.

“We keep hearing endless amounts of blah about mental 'elf all of a sudden. Has everyone turned into a nutter overnight? Or has someone suddenly found out how to make a huge wedge of cash out of it?” Don 4mat
“Chancellor rhymes with affront thinks it's time to stop talking Britain down. He's rather late getting that particular point. And it's not something that's going to happen with a self-interested Labour party sniping from the bushes.” Ron Impaire

Like anyone cares . . .
The DoomBuggers' DoomsDay Clock is now set at 1½ minutes to midnight Xtinction. Sadly, no one in the real world is taking the boobys seriously and their efforts to make us panic remain a cosmetic hobby.

NFC Final: the 49ers in Philadelphia
Good start by the Eagles, to & goal, Sanders through a big hole for a TD. The Eagles did nothing with the recovery of a forced fumble. The SF starting QB was mugged, dinged and off after fumbling to the Eagles. Big argy-bargy and the PE were swindled just before Q2 started.
   A TD for McCaffrey in the 7th minute made it 7-all. Sanders went in for another TD with 1:35 left. 2 plays later, the PE collected another fumble at the SF 30, TD for Scott, 7-21 at half time. A clobbering the punter penalty on SF helped the Eagles to keep going to & goal in Q3, Charge! from the 1, TD for Hurts, 7-28 in the last minute.
   More stoopid fouls by the SF defence and the Eagles were held to a FG in the 10th minute, 7-31. A player from either side was sent off with 4 minutes to go. The Eagles are in the Souper Bowl.

Nailed to his fence?
The reason why Sergeant Schultz, the Canceller of Germany, has spent so long dithering over the ishue of tanks for Ukraine has been revealed. He couldn't decide whether to send fourteen Leopard 2 tanks or two Leopard 14s.

If you have any cheap Chinese light fittings that can be controlled by a pocket phone, you are being spied on by a hostile foreign power 24/7, whether or not your lights are switched on.

Denial in, & buck-passing by, the Labour party are being blamed for a large increase in the number of excess deaths this month.

Overload Danger
The Commish of the Met is having to feed corrupt coppers into the legal system gradually to prevent serious over-stressing of an already over-burdened system. Thus instead of sticking thousands of them before the courts in a lump, they will trickle before beaks at a rate of 2 or 3 per week for the next several years.
The money that London's cosmetic mayor, Sadgeek K'han't, is throwing at making the police in the capital better isn't his, as he would like you to think. It is actually taxpayers' cash.

Zero point zero on the consideration scale
President Creaky Joe has been left up the creek without a paddle by cops in Memphis, who Floyded a fugitive.
   Sadly, all 5 of the cops were of the same ethnicity as the fugitive, which left Joe frustrated and unable to play the race card.
   Into every life, a little rain must fall, Joe.

AFC next: the Bengals in Kansas City
Nearly a TD for KC from their opener but just a long FG instead. They lost a TD to holding in the last minute and kicked a FG to start Q2, 0-6. One for the Bengals in the 7th minute, 3-6. Faced with a 4th & 1 in the red zone, what do you do? Throw the ball to Kelce in the end zone, 3-13. A pick stopped the CB in the 13th minute but they managed a FG with 4 seconds of the half left, 6-13.
   What a catch! The Bengals got level with a TD 6 minutes in to Q3. One for KC after 11 minutes, 13-20. A fumble by KC with a minute left of Q3 gave the ball to the Bengals, who made a 4th & 6 in Q4 and did a Charge! from the 2 for 20-all. KC did nothing with a lucky pick of a tipped pass. The match looked like it was heading for overtime but a 45-yard FG with 8 seconds left gave the home team a 20-23 win and the other Souper Bowl slot.

Spout the words, make sure they mean nothing
Sirk Reepy Smarmer has promised his party's conference stooges that come the next general election, Labour will be a different party from the one that lost in 2019.
   Translation: Crap but in different ways.
“He's not going to be telling us again that O.J. Corbynstein is the greatest? Some other BS instead? BFD.” Con Spirator
“Something different? That will be the declinism that Hunt bloke was going on about.” Geron Dafone
“Interesting approach, declinism. Talk the country into a state of failure so that Labour, the party of failure, becomes the natural party of government. Cunning stunt!” Onya Byque

Below the line mission statement: Some of the above is true. BFN is recognized as a premiere class observational blog and a multiple winner of the OB of the Year award.
   We are constantly exposed to dodgy conclusions drawn from dodgy data by the 'experts', especially those found in the world of politics and especially those at the Treasury and in opposition. Some of us civilians at BFN like to join in to let them know that anyone can do it and we ain't impressed by their efforts.

page top

Created for Romiley Anarchists' League by workers in revolt against oppression to set the record straight in the 3rd millennium. © RAL, January MM23 like anyone cares.