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Your rota block letter for power cuts: G
PLEASE KEEP THIS INFORMATION SAFE
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WEEK 1    Putin the ‘no chance’ into diet

 
A coin discovered in Transylvania in 1713 has been authenticated as one issued by the little-known Roman emperor Sponsian. A significant clue was the inscription on the head side reading: "IMP SPONSIAN".

Westmonster—where reality stops
I. Todd, the doshan bleeda in charge of parliamentary standards, is having to eat a lot of crow. He is the wonk who told MPs it wouldn't break any rulz if they charged Xmas parties to the taxpayer. He is getting the blame for all the flak directed at MPs by outraged taxpayers and our dear MPs are having to give up the idea of freebie parties. For this year, at any rate.
“Comrade Todd is evidently not Xperiencing a costa living crisis in his part of the Westmonster Bubble.” Third Furst

Screw the punters; that’s what they’re for!
[recycled, headline, The Planet saved!!Ed.]
Our current local MP, the architect of the Wragg Revolution, will be history after the next general selection. He can't take it any more and he'll be off into real life with the usual suitcaseful of taxpayers' cash in due course.

Xceedingly Grimme
Fairy stories are getting an X-certificate as they are being rated too scary for snoflakes to handle. And/or too sexist to boot.
   Today's humourless wonks are unable to distinguish between what's made up and what is real, especially if they're looking for something to be upset about. Which is most of the time.

The Xperts who have been ordering everyone to drink 2 litres of water per day have got it horribly wrong. Current advice now is to have a drink if you're thirsty and ignore the Xperts.

An allegedly influential Britisch scientist, who poured scorn on the idea that the Chinese plague was brewed up as a bioweapon by the leaky lab in Wuhan, has been outed as someone who was worried about what the Yellow Peril was up to there years ago. Xperts, eh? Tell the customers anything, even if they don't believe it themself.
“This has to put J. Farrar & the Wellcomme Foundation in the same box as the climate scientists with a purely financial and/or political agenda.” Ed &erson
“Confirms yet again that reputations are like glass. Easily shattered if handled carelessly and just fit for the dustbin when broken.” Angry Murray

Q: Will we be bovvered about England not winning?
A: Nah. These kneeling, posturing creeps who are anti-police, anti-law 'n' orda & pro criminals, are nothing to do with us proper Englishpersons and not representative of us at all.
++ Belgian football fans compete for Mad Bastards of the Year Award ++ Set fire to cars in Brussels after team done over 0-2 by Morocco ++ Bovver in Antwerpen also ++ Some competition from fans in Rotterdam ++ Police in UK eager to bust twats who toss beer around, in and out of a glass, when their team scores ++

How many soles?
++ Mhegan the Merciless voted Most Rachelist Person on The Planet ++
++ Mhegan the Merciless voted Most Persistent Whinger of 2022 ++
++ Mhegan the Merciless given RFK Award for promoting rachel disharmony ++ BFN understands the ‘R' stands for ‘really' and the ‘K' stands for ‘krap' ++
++ N. Fulani makes shameful fuss about being asked where she was pretending to be from when dressed in an Afro-Caribbean outfit on a visit to Buckingham Palace ++ Gets 83-year-old former lady in waiting to Queen Elizabeth sacked ++ Serious rival to MtM for most vexatiously rachelist female on The Planet.

It’s the way they tell ’em
Police farces in India have an interesting alibi for the loss of drug captures after the spoils have been stashed in an official lockup. They just tell the judge that anything up to one-third of a ton of illegal pharmaceuticals was scoffed by rats as they are unable to prevent rodent predation.

Q: Is the government packed with stupid bastards?
A: If they gave £51,700,000 of our money to China in aid last year, then the answer to that has to be a resounding affirmative.

The DVLA is shifting the blame for taking longer than 3 months to process driving licence applications containing medical issues back onto the medical trade, which is foot-dragging on an epic scale, claims the DVLA honcho.

Newspaper logic
If the Tories don't do something about migration, their days in government will be numbered. And yet they'll only be replaced by Labour, the party which hoovered up the scum of the Earth to nark the Tories and gave us their ‘uman bloody rights act to make illegals unshiftable.
   How will that make things any better, Mr. Newspaper Editor? Silence.

“If RMT members won't miss the £4.4K they'll lose by going on strike, they are deferably overpaid.” D. Mented

One law for them as well?
Strikers don't pay tax on the cash they get from a trade union to encourage them to be ratbags? Diabolical, say the customers.
   They should pay the 45% rate. At least.
   Or even the Gordon F. Broon 50%.

Dim are the rural witz, indeed!
The burghurs of Sandhurst in Kent are being showered with derision. The landlord of the Swan Inn there had to cancel a Get Yer Kit Off event after objections from the parish council & others.
   Apparently, the objecters thought that passing motorists would crash if their X-ray vision let them look through black curtains at lotz of naked flesh. There are Xcuses, there is sheer dumoxery and topping them all is this lot's tale.

Q: Katari cops grab 2 football fans in Crusader outfits and make them strip naked for a couple of hours. Why?
A: The cops are obviously preverts who get their kicks from looking at naked men and don't Xpect their victims to talk about it.

Corbynstein’s Monster?
Sirk R. Smarmer knows that his assault on private schools would cost the taxpayer more than it raises. And state schools would have to cope with a sudden influx of 100,000 new customers. But he don't care. That's how much of a vindictive SoB he is.
“Labour hates the Britisch people. That's why the leaders want to wreck everything that's any good and that's why corrupt blair labour flooded the country with migrants and made it impossible to get rid of the unwanted ones.” Minh Timperials
“Smarmer's plan will get all the aspirational poor people out of private schools if their parents can't afford the fees. As a result, they will become embittered scroungers of the type likely to vote Labour. How cunning.” Minh Timperials
“On the plus side, there's no point in sending poor kids to posh schools if the ludicrous lefties in charge of university admissions won't take students from posh schools any more.” B. Dazzled

The RMT union doesn't offer strike pay to its members ‘coz they're so overpaid that they don't need it.

“Anyone who thinks it's virtuous to wear a half a million quid rainbow watch is a berk of the first water and shouldn't be let out of the asylum unsupervised, even if it is to play football in the England team.” Weakly Rageous

Oxo & Cantab no longer attract normals. In recent surveys, over one-half of the inmates identified as weirdos.

Schmerkplace not workplace
If offices in Whitehall seem unusually full of former Shirk @ Homers, take no notice. It won't last.
   Once they've had a Xmas party on the taxpayer, they'll vanish like Labourites when someone passes a hat round for contributions.

If people picked all the microplastic bitz out of their food instead of scoffing them, they'd have enuff to make 2 plastic bags (size not specified) after a year, the Xperts reckon.

Something to look forward to in 2072
All gardens in areas which the Enviromint Agency allows to flood will have to be fitted with water sensors & flood barriers. And there will be an inflatable raft in every garden shed.

Dosh Dissolves Doubts
gary bloody lineker's principles didn't get in the way of trousering £1,600,000 from a company owned by the government in Katar.

TNF: the Buffalo Bills in New England
The Bills took their opener to a FG after 7 minutes. Jones blasted down the sideline for a TD, 3-7. The Bills got the hang of it and opened Q2 with a TD, 10-7. They were back for another; great throw from mid-air at the sideline by Allen; in the 10th minute, 17-7. A late fumble recovery let NE try a 48-yard FG; hit the post
   All defence in Q3. Nearly a TD for Allen to start Q4, a run by Singletary instead, 24-7. Omaha! That spell is still in use in New England! It provided a NE FG after the 2 minute warning, and 24-10 was how it ended.

Some people just don’t do shame
++ Palace race-row confecter declared 'a really bad person' ++ Guilty of disgraceful cultural appropriation ++ Same for all her rachelist willing helpers ++ Lady Susan Hussey deserves MASSIVE apology from them ++
“It's interesting that the confecter's lengthy account of their conversation is reported as authentic. Does she have a recording of it? Which would suggest she went there looking to be offended. Or is it just something she made up from a dodgy memory? We should be told.” Kikya Wrass
“The people who sacked Lady Susan don't come out of it at all well. Too much in fear & trembling of the GMB to do what's right.” Sym Bolic

Contrived bashing for bookies?
++ Germany out on a blatant swindle ++ Katar Kurse in action? ++ BierBC coverage easily most hypocritical & rachelist, say Xperts ++
“Goal kick? Nah, Let the Japanese team in blue kick it into the German goal to give the bookies a fright.” Count Ertenor
[Actually, Japan was playing Spain and Germany wasn't involved. But hey, let's not let a few inconvenient facts get in the way of a good story! Ed.]

Last posting dates?
We can help with that.
That was the subject line of an email from The Post Office
   What will it say? Don't bloody bother 'coz the buggers will all be on strike? If they're honest, it will

Putting them in their place
China has an interesting way of preventing BierBC correspondents in the country from getting a dose of their plague. Police officers give them a kicking and lock them up for a few hours to drive home the 'don't go out, don't mingle with the locals' message. No worries about the bad publicity, of course.

Esso petrol in Romiley 154.9p/litre
Esso diesel in Romiley 179.9p/litre

Diving & diving, no ducking
PM Snack has cancelled China's free pass [or so he sez, Ed.]. Dave the Leader & other Tory PMs might have been naive enough as to think that trading with the Chinese would civilize them. Mr. Snack knows it won't. But all he has to offer as an alternative to being best buddies is waffle & appeasement, according to former Tory leader I.D. Smith.
“If President Sheesh doesn't listen to his own customers, why would he take any notice of some bloke thousands of miles away?” Per Gatori
“Treating the Sino-snake with robust pragmatism? Or doing what he's told but pretending it's not happening?” Rhode Blokk

Does this add up?
Europol busts a gang controlling one-third of the Europeon cocaine trade but recovers a paltry £22 million in assets?
   No sign of the BILLIONs the gang made, then?

The nation's police farces are refusing to reveal how many male coppers are identifying as female so that they can strip search female customers.

Dodgy in office, dodgier out
tony b. liar is trying to shed the blame for ruining the lives of postmasters with the Post Office's disastrous Horizon software abortion. He's hoping his customers will pretend to believe that it was all down to the machinations of the Mandelsleaze.
   This is very much a fish-in-a-barrel last resort and everyone knows it.

O'bese kids will have endless problems at school, the Xperts reckon, due to having a fat brain.

The less than epidemic Monkey pox is to be renamed as its description reminds people that it is spread in humans as a result of Africans having carnal relations with diseased monkeys, and that is rachelist.

According to the latest census, 40% of the population are still claiming to be Christians rather than the Xpected 14%. But can you rely on the customers telling the complete truth on the form?

Today’s Wisdom
If you're woke, you're a sorry, unfunny joke.

A laboratory's false negative results for Chinese plague tests may have killed 23 people. Or not. No one knows for sure. Just an alarmist guess.
[Don't worry, there'll be another along in a minute. Ed.]

25% of older teenagers are now mentally incompetent thanks to the Chinese plague, is the latest guess from the NHS Digital bods.

Q: Does anyone care if Bananaman D. Milipede thinks we should become the EFU's bum boy?
A: He was irrelevant when he flounced off to the USA for a $1M salary after his dozy bro, Edstone, got the Labour leadership by mistake. He's even more irrelevant now.

Q: What do you get if you spend 11 days sitting on the rudder of an empty oil tanker as it sails from Lagos to Gran Canaria?
A: A trip straight back to Nigeria.

Screw the punters; it’s what they’re for, right?
Private schools add £1,700,000,000 per year to the Britisch economy. That's how much Xtra tax a Kreepy Labour government would have to screw out of the hated successful classes to fill the Brown Hole if the schools are abolished.
   Smarmer claims that his attack on aspiration would raise £1.7B in Xtra tax revenue. In fact, taxpayers would have to find £2,200,000,000 per year to educate the kids forced out of private schools. So he's 'raising' tax revenue in the sense of 'reducing' it. No wonder he and his ilk are referred to as the ludicrous left.

Is it breathtaking hippocritical for Sir Smarmer to want to saw the rungs off the ladder of opportunity offered by private schools which, let us not forget, he himself climbed?
   He's a lawyer. He's someone who'll spiel out any old tripe if he thinks there's a few bob to be made from it.
   He doesn't have any beliefs or standards. Even though he went to a private school; paid for by his local ratepayers; such is the corrupting power of being in the legal trade.

More punter screwage
London's cosmetic mayor, sadgeek k'han't, is planning to terminate every elderly & infirm person in the city by pricing their carers off the roads.
   This is yet another Xample of the Labour party not being bovvered about killing their customers whilst going through the motions of saving The Planet. Something, let us not forget, which is outwith their capabilities.

Migrants are bringing diphtheria into Britain. Wot else?

A Wonk Xmas Song
No 'L', no 'L'
For the GBTQ
Legsbians R unwelcome
@ their Christmas do!

Everyone loses
The BierBC is being diverse in its failures. It is failing the working/lower class by ignoring them and failing the middle & upper classes with its obsession with ludicrous left ishues.

Things to be settled by Xmas:
621. Who is the bigger hippocrite, Sirk Reepy Smarmer or gary bloody lineker?
622. Do they come even close to Wee Sterney Burgeon?

Is it worth going to a museum any more?
Not while they are in the clutches of wonksters. Never mind admission for free. Soon, they're going to have to pay people to visit them to justify the enormous & unjustified salaries paid to the wonks out of the taxpayer's pocket.

According to the latest KGB guess, 25% of the population of Putinstan support the idea of tochoking Ukraine. Which puts the real figure down @ about 3%; the number on Putrid's payroll.

Burneystan Economics
Blow £96 million on temporary repairs that aren't going to stop landslides from blocking the vital A83 in Argyll instead of spending £65 million on a new road not subject to landslides through Glen Croe, which has the full backing of the locals.
   When in doubt, Do It Daft.

Sherie’s first RoundUp of the month
“Abolish private schools? That's Labour all over. Forget levelling up, stomp everything flat is all they can manage.” Dithin Ooze
“When you read about stores selling masses of crackers & Xmas decorations—much more than usual—you start to wonder if the costa living ‘crisis' is real. Are the alleged news meeja just focussing on people who can't cope @ the best of times and portraying them as the norm? For their own devious reasons, of course. Could happen, given the ludicrous left agenda of the likes of the BierBC.” Rachel Conformity
“The Tories have screwed everything up and they'll be gone at the next election. Swapped for what? Labour? Which always leaves the country FUBB when evicted? A nation of masochists. That's what we must be.” Aung Back

SNF: the Colts in Dallas
4 minutes in, a 52-yard FG for the Colts. Lamb rolled over a defender and didn't touch down on his way to a TD the other way, 3-7. The Colts found the red zone, TD, 10-7. Lamb got the Cowboys to & goal in Q2, TD run by Pollard, 10-14.
   The Colts took a pick to the red zone in the 13th minute, FG, 13-14. The DC were sack to a punt but a pick got them to the IC 26, on to a TD, Gallup'd in, 13-21.
   QB Ryan made a 4th & 1 @ the DC 12 in Q3, on to a TD for Pierce, no +2, 19-21. The Cowboys scored another TD early in Q4, then ex-Colt Hooker returned a fumble recovery for a TD right away, no +2, 19-34. A power run by Pollard ended in the end zone, the PAT was blocked, 19-40.
   The Cowboys staged a pick/mugging after 6 minutes. Helped by an outrageous DPI call, they racked up another TD, 19-47. Ryan was mugged, DC ball, TD from the next play, 19-54 and that was enuff.
“The Cowboys—how do they get away with that speciesist & sexist name? And the gunist Colts?” Faz Akerley

Are electorates masochistic? Nothing works in Scotland but the SNP keeps getting lotz of votes. As noted, Labour always leaves GB FUBB but they keep getting back in to do more wrecking. Thus the answer has to be a resounding YES!

Today’s Proverb
A Fulani and her credibility are soon parted.

“‘What part of Africa are you pretending to be from?' Was that the real question asked by Lady Susan Hussey of the culture appropriating Londoner @ Buck House?” 40 Fied

"We boycotted this tournament from the start," is ex-SNP honcho A. Salmonella's Xplanation for why Scotland didn't quality for the Katar World Cup. Feeble, or what!

Want to kick up a stink about whatever?
Want to position yourself as a victim of some ishue?
Let us help you to put on a façade that people
   will feel OBLIGED to challenge!
Romiley Confecters, 105d Riverside Drive

Scotland doing its own census a year after the UK census has created a lower response rate and generated data of compromised quality. Is there anything the SNP can get right? The available evidence returns a resounding NO!

Tory MP C. Burns was sacked as trade minister and de-whipped by Trussty Lizzie after allegations of misconduct were made against him. He is now fully re-whipped after the alligators were investigated and found to be insubstantial.

I. Blackford, regularly voted the most miserable git in GB, is standing down as SNP leader in the Commons. MPs of other parties are praying that someone less entitled & miserable will replace him.

Some R lotz more equal than others
The Sneaky(bleep) of the Year Award has to go to the blokes who are taking over the female world and its agendas by claiming to be transisters.

40% of transisters in gaol are sex offenders, the Ministry of Justice has revealed.

Chester has voted for a replacement Labour MP in a by-election, even though she is an idiot who thinks the Chinese plague & Putrid the Poisoner's invasion of Ukraine, and their respective falls out, are the result of having a Conservative government.
   Doshan, or what!

5 years after the Grenfell Tower fire, the SNP is getting a kicking over similar cladding on buildings across Burneystan. Which appears to suggest that the SNP is taking the pragmatic view that such buildings are perfectly safe as long as the inmates refrain from setting fire to them with a dodgy fridge or something similar.

MNF: the Saints in Tampa Bay
The Bucs did a grinder to a FG in the 9th minute. The Saints were sacked 3 & gone. Defence into Q2. Surprise! A 30-yard pass, Dalton to Hill, for a TD in the 8th minute, 7-3. Lotz of frustration for the QBs, including Davis picking Brady in the 14th minute, setting up a FG, 10-3.
   A forced fumble went to NO in the 5th minute of Q3; close, but just a FG and 13-3. Another FG after 7 minutes of Q4 put NO 16-3 ahead. Dozy DPI in goal, the Bucks to the NO 1, TD, 16-10 with 3 minutes to go. TD for TB, 16-17 final, undeserved, Booooo!

Q: Is it possible to be staggered by the hippocrisy of Labour MPs, e.g. Smarmer wanting to impose VAT & business rates on private schools after going to one himself, and the teacher @ a Teesside private school who wants to become a labour MP to help him do it?
A: As hippocrisy is the usual state of the Labour party; i.e. it's their SNAFU; no amount of it can be staggering any more. All that would be staggering is a lack of it.
Q: Is there a pop person called Duo Lipy? If so, why?
A: Apparently, she wears different shades of lipstick on her upper and lower lips.
Q: Should Lady Hussey be rehired as a lady waiter?
A: No, she should be allowed to retire and not be subjected to characters like that appalling fulani woman and the Royals who panicked, failed to stand by her and were intimidated into giving her the sack.

The Royal Navy plans to deploy a robot submarine to protect pipelines & communications cables from Putinstani saboteurs.
When it's delivered in 2025. If it's on time.

More misconduct in a public office
The Met and the Can't Prosecute Service are getting a good kicking for failing to bust a London solicitor who ripped off an American billionaire for lotz of dosh. S. Jones got 12 years in gaol as a result of a private prosecution.
   No sackings @ the Met and the CPS are Xpected, of course. In fact, the dozy buggers will all get a bonus, more than likely.

How inhuman of them!
The Polis Department in San Francisco has come up with a cute idea to short-circuit the GM Bunchers and other who yell rachelism when a criminal is raked in. They're going to use robots to take out terrorists, mass shooters and other criminals with guns & a sense of entitlement as big as all outdoors.

Advertisement Mr. Wydey’s Book List Highly Recommended Reading, Authors worth pursuing & some Awful Warnings, Hundreds of Bux listed!

WEEK 2    Putin the ‘can do’ into candour

 
The Universe has declared war on Mhegan the Merciless now that everyone knows what she's like—entitled & very 'orrible.

Last time Gordon F. Broon tried to buy Labour votes in Scotland, he let all the banks go bust. What's the latest Broon Plan going to drive to the wall this time around?

Hapless Hairy & Mhegan the Merciless have received an award for promoting rachel envy & entitlement.

Be EXTRAORDINARY at Xmas!
What EVERYONE is gagging for is at
Romiley Fine Fare, 53d Riverside Drive
            Trappe de Mousse—the Cheese of Cheeses!

Sherie Does Another RoundUp
“It takes a writer really desperate for publicity to connect the swindler J. Stonehouse's attempt to stage his own drowning in Miami with non-swindler M. Hancock's trip to a reality show to make a few bob.” S, Pania
“If we didn't have ex-minister M. Hancock, it would be necessary to invent him, if only for his revelations about just how bonkers the Blobachevskis @ Westmonster really are. Revelations which, needless to note, are in his new book” K. Laptrap
“The editor of the Daily Disaster should be thoroughly ashamed of his attack on Lady S. Hussey last Friday. She was just trying to find out where a local culture appropriator was pretending to be from so that she could inform her employers of the situation.
   “If students can't wear sombreros without being accused of cultural appropriation, why is it acceptable for Ms Fulani to parade in African fancy dress?” Dai Gress
“Fulani—guilty of confecting rachel outrage but allowed to 'coz she's of colour. Hussey—guilty of seeing through an obvious fraud and sacked 'coz she's white.” Myron Oxy
“Isn't it time the customers went on strike and stopped paying taxes for a month to remind the public sector who has to put a hand in a pocket on their behalf?” S, Pania

Entertainer M. Hancock, having decided to quit Parliament at the next general selection, gets to work on his routine . . .

What are museums for? To show what things were like in olden days, is the right answer. To offer gratuitous views on how awful people were back then compared to today's wonk monstrosities is totally wrong
   Such friivolities are an insult to everyone who pays good money to attend an exhibition @ a museum or gallery.
“No doubt museums in more enlightened future times—if there are any—will have whole exhibitions of the rachelist & wonk attitudes of today';s defective breed of curators.” Stron Viraxtem
“Sadly, there appears to be a whole confection industry that is staffed by people who are unable to do useful work as all they can do is find fault with anything & everything.” Par Kinson

“Apparently, the reason why nurses are walking off the job is patient safety. Are we going to have some union boss called Mick telling us there are no trains in the interests of customer mobility?” C. Rica

The postal strikers are on strike to protect the services they provide. That's a business which is losing £365.25 MILLION per year. Some protection!

The RMT had ‘no choice' about striking to prevent people from travelling @ Xmas, sez Muck Lunch, the leader. Which is a barefaced lie.
   The union had the choice of taking a 9% pay rise and not going on strike. And the Free-Lunch Vulture knows it.
“It's just T.U.B.**, mate. Stuff made up as routine puff.” Kris Muss
[** The Usual Bollocks. Ed.]

Oh, dear! Mr. Lunch is in trouble with his members for depriving them of huge overtime payments as well as their overblown wages.

Sirk Reepy Smarmer (got at by Labour's trough-scoffers in the House of Frauds?) has watered down his plan for the upper chamber from change to consultation and then doing nothing.
   G.F. Broon, who had delusions of being relevant suddenly with his plan for the HoF, is reported to be revisiting his period of chucking phones and anything else within reach.

++ Germany REALLY desperate to be noticed ++ Sergeant Schultz regime claims tiny gang of 25 malcontents planning to take over whole country ++ Rest of Europe muchly entertained ++
President Shish has been forced to dismantle China's Zero Movement Plan by restless natives. His universal lock-down was a response to the plague created by his regime in Wuhan and shared with the rest of the world from there. Other nations developed vaccines. China didn't for reasons known only to the Shish regime.
There is so much trade union dosh being thrown @ the Kreepy Labour party that even total non-entities can blag a short holiday trip to somewhere in Europe attached to a union junket.
Iran's murderous Morality Police will now operate as part of the broad spectrum of police oppressors rather than as an identifiable unit as they have become too identifiable as targets for retaliation.

Why are we not surprised by this?
The honcho of Citizens Advice, a former Whitehall waxwork, is in line for vigorous de-wonking after telling staff it would be a good idea for them to wear badges displaying bogus pronouns such as ze and ey.
   Doshan is as doshan does.

The Trivials are trying to blag their way onto Team Putrid beside Labour by offering their support, such as it is, to strinking unions.
[Okay, it's a typo, but best left in. Ed.]

Hancock's Half hour is reinventing himself—very successfully— and he feels no need to be an MP after the next general selection. He is seeking association with a better class of bozo than politicians in his new career as a universal celeb.

Entertainer M. Hancock is still working on his routine . . .

Today’s Collective Noun:
A Butch of Transisters

Intimidation Factor Zero
A couple of restaurants in London (Nusr.E) and Manchester (Mana) have the right approach to eco-terrorists. When they were invaded by small gangs of them, the staff in London just dumped the whingers out in the street, knowing that the useless Met would do nothing.
   In Manchester, which now has a non-clueless chief constable, the police evicted the eco-terrorists under arrest. More dosh for the legal trade.

All the Kreepy Labour ‘facts' about the contribution private schools make to society are turning out to be deliberate lies, which are the main currency of ludicrous left politics.

What he meant to say but, of course, didn’t have the nerve to spell out:
Sirk Reepy Smarmer has clarified his position on private schools. He thinks they are a Good Thing. In that case, we wondered, why is he seeking to bombard them with taxes?
   The answer is depressingly Labour. It's to prevent the children of poor people going to the schools and spoiling things for kids like the one he used to be.
   More levelling down with the Labour steamroller.

Selective Marketing
Women are not being allowed to buy the Royal Mint coin sets based on Harley Porter franchise created by J.K. Rowling to avoid upsetting the vexatious transister lobby.

Q: How does biting a gold coin verify its authenticity?
A: Gold is a soft metal so if your teeth break, the coin is a dud.

Advertisement Mhegan’s Visible Skid-Marks All day & every day on the Victim Channel 911 New & available on all TV provision platforms Want a whinge? It's the Victim's gin and a real tonic Putin the 'sick' into toxic!

“Apparently, rachelism & hatred can accelerate the ageing process. Which is why Mheg the Merciless looks like an old bat without the TV make-up.” Ricky Mend

TNF: the Raiders @ the Rams
The Oakland Refugees scored a TD in the 6th minute. They were held to a 52-yard FG in the 13th minute, 10-0. The Rams kicked a 55-yarder in the last few seconds of the quarter, 10-3. The LVR added a FG in Q2. Who's at the bottom of the pile? A fumble went to the Raiders but Carr was picked in the LAR goal in the last minute of the half.
   In Q3, the Rams blew a difficult FG try with a daft penalty; NG from 61 yards after the penalty. Their one-day-on-the-team QB Mayfield did a grand job of a TD drive with 3 minutes left, 16-10. The Raiders punted to the LAR 2, 105 seconds to go. The Rams got close, TD pass to Jefferson!!! 16-17. 10 seconds left. A pick by the Rams. The end and a much needed home win for the Rams.

The Border Farce is going on strike to prevent people from leaving the country during the Festering Season.

“The verdict on Prince Hairy is he has too much time on his hands, which lets him brood & confect grievances, and he should get a bloody job and get on with his life instead of being stuck in an imaginary past.” Para Lytic

Esso petrol in Romiley 153.9p/litre
Esso diesel in Romiley 177.9p/litre

Be Winter Ready: Help for your household
Electricity companies; ours is Electricity North West; are warning customers that if power cuts are necessary thanks to Putrid the Poisoner and the activities of our Team Putrid trade unions, no one will be exempt from rolling 3-hour blackouts.
   If you need power for medical equipment, hard luck if you can't get your local NHS services to provide a stand-by battery system.
Have a safe winter.
Electricity North West Customer Team

Yesterday's effort to bring us some snow courtesy of gorbal warmage was less than impressive, leaving us wondering if the snow-servers were on strike and it was up to the management and office staff to get the job done.

Q: Why does Labour support every strike going?
A: Because the party is bought & paid for by the likes of Muck the Luncher.

‘The first test of a truly great man is his humility', wrote the 19th century art critic J. Ruskin. Shame he neglected to add: ‘Once you can fake that, your next challenge is faking sincerity'.
“Not something Sir Smarmer is going to be doing anytime soon.” Aggy Tater

Actor person G.C. Looney has problems with the dress sense of his wife, Animal, who got into a tangle @ a posh do . . .

What does reality have to do with it?
It makes sense to mine coking coal for steel-making instead of importing it from Australia & the US. Which is probably why Labour is agin the idea. Steel needs a small amount of carbon in the alloy to promote flexibility, weldability and other desirable properties. Doing it with locally produced coal is a Good Thing.
“Someone needs to park Edstone Milipede up to his neck in a winter swamp until he gets the basic fact that our carbon emissions are irrelevant to gorbal temperatures.” Strewth Harvard
“Is there anyone in the Milipede family who isn't a complete idiot? Even mildly eccentric would be an improvement.” O. Chenmnogo
“We need boneheaded politicians to stop virtue signalling to the rest of the world and do what's Best For Britain for a change.” Reggie Ment

One-way traffic
Labour MPs Xpose strikers as greedy, selfish & destructive only after they have become ex-MPs. The same rule applied to CoE clerics who have defected to the Catholic Church, as far as shipping bogus asylum seekers to Rwanda is concerned. Our utterly wet & weedy Archybish of Cantab, natch, is agin it.

The charity associated with the appalling rachelism confecter N. Kung Fu Lani is at a standstill because she has made it all about her and no one can do anything other than field questions/condemnations about her.

“The world's best wines will be grown as far north as Birmingham, the gorbal warmage crew are predicting. But not for 30 years. Which means everyone will have forgotten the garbage when it doesn't happen.” A.K. Ojolik

Back here again
The Orion capsule that was the payload for NASA's first test of the Artemis launcher for resumed manned space flight landed safely in the Pacific off the coast of Baja California at 12:40 p.m. EST on Sunday (yesterday).
   The capsule was launched from the Kennedy Space Centre in Florida on November 16th. It arrived at the Moon 10 days later and spent 6 days in orbit before beginning its trip back to Earth.
   Sending astronauts to the Moon; rather than space-test dummies; is on the calendar for two years from now.

Gulp! It has been revealed that Queen Consort Camilla had words with the appalling culture appropriator N. Fulani at that Buck House do. She can count herself lucky she's not on the compulsory resignation list.
Xplosions at air bases deep inside Putinstan are being blamed on idiots sneaking a smoke where they shouldn't.
The customers have given up on NS&I. Piss poor interest rates on all the accounts are getting the blame.
There is a debate raging in Germany over whether the 25 Reichsburgers arrested by 3,000 cops are deadly revolutionaries, as Kanceller Sgt. Schultz wants everyone to accept, or just militant non-vegetarians.
The Putinstani embassy in Berlin has announced that it doesn't have contact with terrorists, which is as clear an admission that you could hope for that it does.

Mhegan the Grimm
The cat is out of the bag. Mhegan the M's tales of distress are all adaptations of classic fairy tales, which are out of copyright.

Mhegan the M and K. Kennedy have been awarded one-third each of the Worst Person In the World Award for 2022. They share the dishonour with Putrid the Poisoner. Vigorous lobbying was necessary to Xclude equally deserving cases, who would have diluted their shame.

Short people shoot first
Their lack of size gives them a shorter fuse, the Xperts reckon. Which gives security forces something to think about. The usual rule is ‘kill the female terrorists first'. But maybe shorties should also get priorities.

Customers can still call 999 during the Winter of Disconnect. One small problem. No one will answer.

Sherie Leaps Into Action with another RoundUp
“With characters like ArchybishWelby around, no wonder the Church of England is going Xtinct.” Sam Owerjow
“Love your neighbour, but from a safe distance. Easy if you're Welby's neighbour and living in the shadows of all the huge walls around his gaff.” Albi Back
“Never a solution from the ludicrous lefties. Is this No. 1 in their rulebook?” Jen E. Mafia
“Do you get the impression that the real snow spreaders are on strike and what we got yesterday [on Saturday, today is Monday, Ed.] was just a token effort by the management and office staff?” Kris Boosy
“If gorbal warmage means colder winters [but only for parts of the globe, not all of it, Ed.], as the GW fraudsters claim, we need to be triggering volcanic eruptions all over the world to fill the upper atmosphere with sunlight-blocking ash & aerosols to cool The Planet. That done, we can expect snow-free winters. Brilliant!” 21 Hombres

WARNING: snow, ice & frog EVERYWHERE!!!

Universal weather crisis rocks nation. What is this strange white stuff that falls from the sky in large quantities? Except on Romiley. We have never seen anything like it before. No wonder everything is at a standstill. Whatever happened to global warming?

Veganist eco-terrorists are suspected as a vector for the spread of the avian flu which has killed so many of the turkeys intended for Xmas here.

The postal workers' union is working hard to delay Xmas cards until February next year.

++ theGrauniad outraged by government plan to use armed forces to replace health service strikers in a bid to save lives ++
“How wonderful it is that the ludicrous Groaners want a decent corpse-count. Shame they won't be among it.” Kar Andash

SNF: The Eagles @ the Giants
It was all Eagles at first. 3 & gone for the Giants, a TD in the 11th minute from the PE opener. And another 3 minutes into Q2, 14-0. A bogged NJG punt gave the ball to the Eagles @ their 33, Hurts to A.J. Brown for a TD as the next play, 21-0. 24-7 at half time.
   A TD for D. Jones in Q3, one for Hurts in the 14th minute, 34-14. M. Sanders did an artful run in Q4, 41-14. Another for the Eagles with 3 minutes left, 48-14. Which left time for a consolation TD + 2 for the Giants. 48-22 final.

The truth will set you free!
Buck House staff want to be released from secrecy clauses so that they can make their own NeatFlix-style mockumentary Xposing how truly awful Mhegan the Merciless really is. Likely production companies, however, are somewhat doubtful about taking on the job as they fear being sued when big & expensive TV sets melt under the strain of all the indignation.
“Hapless Hairy & Mheg the M to face multi-million-dollar class action by Buck Palace staff who were bullied by H&M before the disorderly duo got the push from the Royal household and then slandered with their false claims on Neatflix?” Pol Volsen

SNF: The Buccaneers in San Francisco
Just 2½ minutes to a TD for the 9ers. TB missed a long FG try. An end zone dash was cancelled by a penalty on TB. End zone DPI put the 9ers @ the TB 1 to open Q2, TD, 0-14. Another TD after 7 minutes survived a review, 0-21.
   TB got close with Brady well pissed off, out on a 4th & 1. A bogus penalty on TB gave SF a TD chance, 0-28. Brady was picked in the first minute of Q3. TD for McCaffrey from it, 0-35. Finally, a TD for TB in the 13th minute, 7-35 and Q4 was scoreless.

“One of the biggest achievements of soon to be ex-MP Hancock's Half Hour is driving his Labour health minister wannabe shadow, D. Lammy, into paroxysms of jealousy online 'coz no one is even slightly interested in him.” Per Vershen

Q: Should we be alarmed by colder winters in the northern hemisphere as a result of gorbal warmage?
A: Not really. Heat travels in the direction of somewhere colder. Thus if the Polar Vortex gets overenthusiastic and spread south as far as Texas, the cold areas will hoover up heat from zones closer to the equator, cooling them down and reducing gorbal warmage to an extent beyond the powers of even Edstone Milipede.

“Any chance of the clipboard communists of the qangocracy going on strike and giving us a rest from their insane burblings?” Zer O'Contakt

Q: How do you tell that Hapless Hairy & Mhegan the Muciloid are idiots?
A: They'll pay a grand (real money, not bucks) for a blanket with a fancy label. That's per blanket, by the way, not per pack of them.

What we have to remember is that Mheg the Muciloid is an actress. But not a very good one. Which is why she needed to get her claws into someone malleable, like Hapless Hairy.

Going darn the plughole?
Has the Snackstabber given up? Instead of telling strikers making stupid demands to get lost on behalf of his customers, he just waffles. The speculators are claiming he's just marking time until an ungrateful nation evicts him from Downing Street and he become Earl Snack of Somewhere, and this is looking very likely if not inevitable.

Q: Muciloid?
A: Bogey.

SNF: the Dolphins @ the Chargers
The Bolts did some charging to a 4th down at the MD 2; no cigar. No scoring in Q1 but there was an early FG for the Bolts in Q2. A TD in the 6th minute put them 0-10 ahead. There was a shambles TD for the Fins! A run play from their 41 became a fumble, picked up by Hill and carried on to the LAC end zone! 7-10. The Bolts persisted to the MD 1, 4th down, 47 seconds left, Charge! 7-17.
   Hill had his ankle iced so he could take a pass 60 yards for a TD in the 9th minute of Q3, 14-17. FG for the Bolts, 14-20. They did more charging in Q4 as the end approached, stalled up close, FG. A 55-yarder back at them, 17-23 with 1:10 left. A short kick shambles gave the ball to the Chargers, The End.

Inescapable Conclusion
"Every day, millions of children die from drinking dirty water because they have no choice," sez the worthy TV ad. "Give us money so we can give clean water to these children to allow the government of the shitheap where they live to continue to steal the national assets instead of providing clean drinking water for the customers and their offspring."
Is this really something we should be encouraging?

Cynical, or what!
His union paymasters have given Sir Smarmer permission to pretend to talk tough about them, knowing that it's just talk as he'll be pocketing their dosh and, should he become prime monster, that will mean even more dosh for the union buddies.
“How many bodies does Sir Smarmer think are a reasonable price to pay for getting him into Downing Street? We should be told.” Parshal Vacuum

The government is blowing £7,000,000,000 on woke thought-control attempts for no sound reason.

The Federal Bureau of Instigation has been accused of editing Twatter accounts and posting invented stuff!

“There was a rather huge difference between the TV news pictures of snowbound Manchester airport, which is only about 10 miles from Romiley as the fat pigeon flies, and the soon melted, cosmetic scattering we got in Romiley on Saturday.” Colm Bative

Where would climate Doombuggers be without their imaginary tipping points? Their major problem now is that they have cried wolf so often but nothing has happened that only the news meeja and the eco-terrorists get excited about the latest tip, which is that a big chunk of ice attached to Antarctica is going to melt and raise sea levels by 10 feet.
[Not a problem as far Romiley residents are concerned; except for the ludicrous ones, of course. Ed.]

MNF: the Patriots @ the Cardinals
The AC opener went to a missed FG. NE punt. NE sack. A pick for the AC in the 13th minute went to a FG in Q2. Harris got a diving TD for New England, 7-3. The Cards got close, just a FG, 7-6. Finally, a TD for the Arizona team; a thing of power & beauty!; after 12 minutes, 7-13. The Cards went out on a 4th & 1 in the last minute; time enough for NE to get to FG range, 10-13.
   Swiss cheese defence but NE held to a FG in Q3, 13-all. A fumble recovery gave NE a TD in the 10th minute, 20-13. Another NE pick with a minute to go. An immediate fumble to the AC for a TD?? No, incomplete pass. A big play by Henry got NE to & goal, TD, 27-13. Too big a hole for the Cards to crawl out of.

Hey! Hey! striking for pay!
How many folks have you killed today?

WEEK 3    Putin the ‘sod’ into rhapsody

 
Lest we forget:
Nurses want 19.2% and junior doctors want 26%.

Q: Some Labourites are pretending to be opposed to NHS strikes. How much credibility do they have?
A: You'd need an electron microscope to glimpse it.

Britain's rail companies wish to apologize for the current poor quality of railway services, which is due entirely to the poor quality of their minions.
“The main problem is the minions have been allowed to behave like cowboys for so long that they now think it's a ‘uman bluddy right.” Mick McGrabber

Locko is getting the blame for alcoholics taking advantage of the opportunity to drink themselves to death.

The BierBC has been voted the worst source of rachelist rubbish in the country.

“Is there more shameful rachelism than that shown by a person of mixed heritage who chooses to ignore 50% of her ancestry in order to confect maximum outrage?” Su Paman

Decay & corruption all around
Gordon F. Broon appears to have descended into the black night of senile decay. When not plugging his 155-page plan for the country, he is claiming that the last decade of Tory rule has been the most scandal-ridden in living memory.
   Clearly, his memories of the 13 years of warmongering & sleaze wished on us by corrupt new labour, of which Broon was a major pension-stealing, stealth-taxing & bank-busting part, were among the brain cells which have gone Xtinct in the Broon bonce.

“How very strange that the Doombugger professors are not giving us guesses about how many people will die as a result of NHS strikes. Is it 100? 1,000? Or maybe 826,000?” Hones Strewth

All coming out in the wash
Downing Street insiders have revealed exactly why Trussty Lizzie was evicted from the premiership. She got the push from the top job because she kept an eye on what was going on everywhere and she kept ordering minions to do things instead of just dropping hints and letting them sit on their fat arses doing nothing for a couple of years.

We are living in weird times indeed when public spending not rising as fast as trade union demands has become public spending cuts in the eyes of those demanding more & more from the taxpayer.
[That's as far as the eyes of the ludicrous left are concerned. Ed.]

Mitigating circumstances
The former president of Peru, a clueless commie, who was evicted from office, was busted on the first Wednesday of the month accused of trying to stage a coup to get his job back.
   Former teacher P. Castillo is also facing corruption charges but he has what his legal team thinks is a perfect defence. He was evicted from the presidency for being no good at it and his legal vultures are hoping to convince a court that he was so inept in an institutionally & existentially corrupt country that his offences are negligible & not worth noticing.

Rock News
If the Greek government is serious about having the Elgin marbles back, the ambassodor has been told, they need to cough up some cash to the people who have been looking after them for a couple of centuries.
   A payment of at least £2,070 MILLION would be appropriate for starters. With extras to follow, natch.
“If plaster casts are 'appropriate' for the British Museum, as the wonks claim, they are even more appropriate for the Akropolis. That way, when the copies of the Elgin marbles are wrecked by pollution from the city of Athini, they can be replaced and no harm done. Meanwhile, the originals will be safe and looked after properly in the Britisch Museum.” Noah Klass Attol

Goblin of the Week:
Mhegan the Muciloid.
Prince Hairy has joined the acting trade. He is now playing Archie Andrews to his appalling wife's Peter Brough.

The new Hippocritical Oath:
First do no harm and if that doesn't work, elevated the body count.
Should do the trick.

A gang of Albanians in Britain who were whingeing about being labelled criminals has turned out to be a gang of . . . criminals.

So it must be true
Sir Smarmer is denying that after his Labour government bins current strike laws, the replacements will make it easier for his party's paymasters to walk off the job.

A notorious flasher is claiming he deserves sympathy as a victim of stiff person syndrome and he should be awarded compenbloodysation rather than a free holiday in one of His Majesty's gaols.

Sherie Rounds Up Again
“We're now waiting for theGroaner to claim that Germany's 25 Reichsburger revolutionaries are linked to Baroness Mone & her PPE interests because they are all citizens of various European countries.” Les Éfair
“Connecting her to North Korean missle launches will be a bit of a challenger, even for the Groanadistas!” Jerry Mander
“What about all the unions leaping out on strike barely 2 years after Baroness Mone was involved in PPE negotions? Another link for the Groaners to confect.” Sam Bulance
“Is B.M. behind the current spell of cold weather? We should be told.” Mustafa Riddle
“Was she behind England getting beat by France in the Whirled Cup?” G. Ermany
“What about Sir Smarmer's Labour party getting £16 million from vexatious unions? A Mone link-up? I'm sure the Groanistas could find one if they tried really hard.” O. Vlofis

Fulani isn't the rachel confecter's original name. She binned something obviously Britisch for a confection more suited to her career as a rachelism confecter.
The charity to which Fulani is attached is being investigated for taking a too casual attitude to where the cash goes. She has abandoned it. Scrutiny of her less than perfect life is getting too much for her, especially revelations about her form for slagging off Royals as part of Team Merciless.
“Sounds like she's the natural heir to the enormous Batmanthingy woman.” Hanq Vastly
“The way Muck Lunch has turned into Arfut Scaregill?” Vex Atious

Some Initials Amplified . . .
SDCB = Seriously Dodgy Charity Broad
EMSV = Ethnically Motivated Serial Victim
CAPS = Culture Appropriating Pathetic Showoff
FASTT = Failed Actress Seeking Treasure Trove

A mob of nurses doing picketing facing away from a hospital to intimidate anyone approaching the building – how is this NOT turning their backs on the customers?

England's footballers were too focussed on getting their hair cut Xactly right and/or dyed properly to concentrate on beating the French.
England football fans weren't displaying Cross of St. George flags during the Whirled Cup because they were getting too much abuse from ludicrous lefties on a rachelism crusade.

TNF: the SF 49ers in Seattle
The Squawks were swamped by the SF defence and their D couldn't prevent a TD. FG for the Squawks after 10 minutes of Q2, 7-3. A fumble with a minute to go got the Niners to the SS 6, TD for McCaffrey, 14-3.
   54 yards through Swiss cheese for a TD in Q3, 21-3 after one minute! A SF pick-6 was lost to a roughing penalty. The Squawks kicked a FG to close the quarter at 21-6. SF missed a FG try in Q4. No worries, the hole was deep enuff. The Squawks managed a TD in the 12th minute for 21-13, then it was eat clock, win match.

If you can’t do the time . . .
The posturing eco-terrorist who chained himself to a gantry over the M25 and let the hapless police stop the traffic for hours & hours is now wailing that his life is in ruins 'coz he ended up in gaol, where he won't be for nearly long enuff.

Q: Why is it cold? What happened to gorbal warmage?
A: The warmage is trivial and nowhere near enuff to make us comfortable during winter. Which doesn't actually start until next week, if we're being accurate.

Climate Change Xplained:
Good air over the Untied States is being circulated to China, where it is being converted into nasty, polluted bad air.

Tell the mugs owt
A Salford councillor is claiming that there has been a lot of positive feedback about a colourful cycle lane roundabout, which is a major hazard for pedestrians, who have to cross cycle lanes twice to negotiate it.
   Further investigation by BFN has revealed that most of the positivity came from the firms which got the contracts for creating the abortion.

Useless is as useless does
Even senior members of his own party don't believe Sir Smarmer's numbers for the millions to be made from taxing private schools out of Xistence. They are also upset because he has no plan for improving state schools.

Putinstan is having to compete with the usual suspects in the terrorism world to get enuff arms & ammo to pursue its war against Ukraine. Home produced stocks have run out and can't be replaced fast enuff.

Islamist terrorists are being recruited to teach retreating Putinstani troops where the best places for booby traps are.
   Children's toys and dead bodies are proving to be most popular, as they were in Syria.

Questions for the Prime Monster:
How is putting Border Farce stooges at airports in Albania going to stop them from sneaking across the Channel in small boats?
[Maybe he was having a Sir Smarmer brain-fade moment. Ed.]

Splateral Thinking!
A good way to raise the odd hundred million quid is to get the FCA** to slap a huge fine on a bank for not bothering with anti-money laundering protocols. Say, Santander as it's foreign owned & good for a few bob.
[**Financial Cowboy Admonishers. Ed.]

Esso petrol in Romiley 147.9p/litre
Esso diesel in Romiley 171.9p/litre

Railways are becoming irrelevant. Just 6% of daily journeys by the travelling public are made using them, which means that rail strikes are having much less effect than the posturing Muck Lunch would have us believe.
   Even worse, the travelling public are getting used to alternatives, which means the industry will contract and there will be fewer jobs and no excuses for Spanish practices.

++ Sneaky Snack to evict illegals from hotels ++ Tents on Dartmoor will be all that's on offer ++

Machine gun & bayonet-wielding Army replacements for striking NHS shirkers are reported to be achieving surprising success rates.

The Tories charging the bill for illegals to the overseas aid budget and giving the rest of the world an Xample to follow has really upset Labour, which can't bear to see Britain leading the world at anything.

More Goes Around
Civil service Xmas parties will be dull & poorly attended this year as no one is allowed to mention Xmas to avoid Xcluding other religions/sects, there's no booze to avoid offending non-drinkers, and no food which might Xclude some weirdo may be consumed.
   Wonk training courses in playing African drums, board games, etc. costs the taxpayer £15 MILLION per year. That's out of a budget of £7 BILLION wasted by the government on ludicrosities every year. No reason why the beneficiaries of this waste should have a good time, is there!

Bets are now being taken on whether any of the poisonous claims made by Mhegan the Muciloid and her stooges will survive the searchlight of close scrutiny.
++ Labour party cancels Nativity play ++ Unable to find 3 Wise, Wonk & Diverse Persons ++ Major punch-up over including 33 Wise Wonks ++
Large numbers of members of the Europeon Parliament have been busted on corruption charges and being in possession of suitcases full of bribes in cash.
A growing hazard to navigation, particularly in the London area, is mountains of frozen crocodile tears shed by trade union mouthpieces who claimed to be very sorry for strikes.
The Royal College of Nursing is demanding a 19.2% pay rise for NHS members who are paid by the taxpayer but it thinks it can get away with offering its own employees, who are members of the boilermakers' union, just 4.5%.

Don't settle for an inferior product!
Higher Luronic Acid is as good as it gets
Actually useful-size economy packs available
Romiley Health Kick, 51 Riverside Drive

Q: The New Yawk Times is the voice of the anti-Britisch, pro-terrorist ludicrous left in the Untied States. Is that anything to be proud of?
A: Not if you have more than 1 brain cell to rub together.

The NEW Temporary Shark Week starts TODAY!!!
strikers get lost – you are not welcome

What sort of Greatest of All Time event goes to extra time and then the nonsense of ‘blanch the bookies with penalties'?
   Only a contrived one lost in a sea of FIFA corruption & hippocrisy.

Another MAJOR credibility gap
Wee Burney has been torpedoed by the commons leader, P. Mordor, who countered Burney's demand for a billion quid from Englisch taxpayers with a billion-quid-long list of cash wasted by Burney & gang.
   The charge sheet includes the hundreds of millions blown on ferries that are still in the ship yard after a mock ‘launching' and all the cash that Burney wants to give to foreign countries to buy personal popularity with other people's cash which is blatant theft of Labour party policy from when G.F. Broon was trying to buy popularity in Africa to make up for the lack of it at home.

Mhegan the Muciloid is one of those tortured souls who were born with a silver chip on either shoulder.

Today‘s Question:
Is it possible to gaslight someone who is actually an entitled nutter to start with?
“Is it a story or is it a whinge-fest borey?” Mick Freeloader

Anti-social media top brass might face gaol for failing children.
And pigs might fly.

Sherie With a Mini RoundUp
“Describing something in your diary as an FOS day tends to lose its impact if the Fuqers are On Strike every day.” Rowlan Indosh
“Does anybody really care about Mhegan the Muciloid? Apart from Mhegan the Muciloid, of course?” T. Otallybroke
“Not more than we need to be told yet again why trade union bosses are such pieces of crap.” Fredly Serioux
“Is Greenhouse Grotter on strike? We don't seem to have heard anything silly from her for a while. Not that anyone is complaining, I hasten to add.” Stu Pendous

Have you got your Christmas Crocodile?
Have you got the spare you're sure to need?
Still plentiful stocks @
Romiley Seasonal Essentials, 71b Riverside Drive

Flu is now beating the Chinese plague, as far as hospital admissions go. So much for the Yellow Peril.

In a major setback for the recession confecters, the UK economy grew by 0.5% in October.

Liar of the year
P. Cullen, chief shop steward of the nurses' union, who claimed they would never turn their backs on their customers.

One NOT to buy or consult
The Cambridge Dictionary edition which defines a woman as someone who identifies as female, which is total bullshit.

EFU ‘Culture of Impunity’ to be propped up
The EFU is to create a pan-bloc Ethics Administration unit, which will have special responsibility for sweeping scandals under the carpet and training MEPs not to leave bags of bribe cash lying around for the police to find.
The sewers of sleaze running through the EFU's foundations might be an embarrassment & a disgrace but they are essential to the institution. Without the chance of a dishonest buck, third-rate failed politicians would turn to other scampertunities and the whole rotten edifice would collapse.
“This is the EFU whose auditors haven't signed off on its accounts for decades because 13-20% of the cash flowing through its coffers is stolen and the EFU can't be bothered putting a stop to it. Mainly ‘coz so much of the loot ends up in the pockets of the right people. A few suitcases full of cash are nothing compared to the monstrous corruption that is the EFU's SNAFU.” B. Nine
“Not to mention the annual pilgrimage to Strasbourg.” Mo Fulyu,

SNF: the Lions @ the New Jersey Jets
And goal for the Detroiters, stuffed on 4th down. 3 & end zone punt for the Jets; returned for a TD! 7-0. The Jets scored a TD a minute in to Q2 for 7-all. Red zone, DL TD cancelled by holding, FG only after 8 minutes. Nearly a TD for the Jets with 8 seconds left, FG, 10-all.
   An early pick by the Lions in Q3 set up a FG, then it was all defence into Q4. A 54-yard FG try by the Lions in the 8th minute was short. The Jets got to & goal, a Charge! was just short on review but a 3rd down pass gave them a 13-17 lead.
   4th & inches for the Lions near the 50, a TD pass to a wide open receiver put them 20-17 ahead. 1:49 left. Solid DL defence for a win? The Jets had a chance to tie the scores with a 58-yard FG with 1 second of regulation left but the kick was a bad miss.

“That Whirled Cup final wasn't a patch on the 1966 one. Probably because it had Frogs & Argies in it.” Anqué Panqué

Prince Hairy won't have to worry about paying for a hotel if he ever shows his face for his dad's coronation. He'll be in the deepest, dankest dungeon in The Tower for free.

Foreign hosted CrApps are being used to brainwash Britisch kids into thinking China is dead great ‘coz ‘umans don't have rights there and the UK ain't so brilliant ‘coz people do have rights here, especially people who don't deserve them.

Britisch Gas customers are not getting the monthly £67 grant from the taxpayer to help with energy costs. Edstone Milipede is being blamed.

If you order a mini-oven from Amazon.co.uk, it's a good idea to make sure that the instructions are in Englisch as well as Japanese before you stump up the cash.

More SNF: the Bengals vs the Pirates
Tampa Bay kicked a FG in the 9th minute. They were back to & goal in the last minute of the quarter, 4th & TD in Q2, 0-10. The Bucs missed a FG try in the 7th minute. & goal again, TD in the 14th minute, 0-17. The Bengals kicked a FG with 3 seconds left, 3-17 at half time.
   TB bogged a fake punt in the 2nd minute of Q3, the CB got to & goal, FG, 6-17. The Bengals got the ball via a pick in the 6th minute, they were swindled out of clear DPI, a 26-yard sack back to the 50? Cancelled by TB holding, on to a TD but no +2, 12-17.
   The CB got a TD +2 from another fumble recovery, 20-17. Yet another fumble recovery got them to & goal in Q4, TD after 2 minutes, 27-17. A brilliant pick by the Bengals set up a TD in the 13th minute, 34-17. The Pirates got to & goal in the last minute, TD, no +2, 34-23 final.

Today’s Diversion:
Spotting the railway striker on £100K who's greedy bastarding for more.

There is no truth in the rumour that Sir Smarmer has made his deputy, Angular Robot, Labour's shadow minister for Colleges, Universities & New Technologies.

Reality Schmeality
Sacked Labour ministerial wannabe MP C. Lewis is being recommended for psychiatric treatment after claiming that putting illegals into spare holiday camps is like stuffing them into concentration camps.
“Even if they quadrupled the size of the NHS, there wouldn't be enuff capacity to tackle all the ludicrous lefties.” Justin Thyme
“Exactly when are card-carrying members of the ludicrous left going to be busted & charged as accessories to the people smugglers? ” Tou Tsweet

SNF: The New Jersey Giants in Washington
Lotz of defence in Q1 but the Woodchucks managed a FG after 12 minutes. A sack/fumble in Q2 with the WW at the 10 yielded a scoop ‘n' score for the Giants and 7-3. Neither offence was up to much but the Giants made a 4th & 9 in the 13th minute and went on to a TD, 14-3.
   The WW went for +2 after a 7th minute TD in Q3 but tried a PAT after a bogus penalty, and missed. 14-9. The NJG kicked a FG and the WW replied in kind in Q4, 17-12. A brilliant pass play helped the WW to the red zone and that's where the useless bastard Sky TV hilites recording ran out.
   On ViewTube, the NJG kicked a FG after the 2MW for 20-12. The WW got to their 1, Washington went in for a TD but a receiver was lined up in the wrong place. 4th down exit for the Woodchucks, the Giants won.

Things is looking up and up!
Ex-President Boris is on course for a bonzer extra-Parliamentary income of £4 MILLION per year, which should put smiles on the faces of Scary Carrie & their offspring. And also anyone who was worried that he might take another shot at being president; he won't be able to afford the drop in income.

Man of the Month:
J. Clarkson, the motoring, catering & farming legend, for upsetting legions of Those People by daring to Xpress his loathing for Mhegan the Muciloid in The Sun.

MNF: the Rams in Green Bay
The LAR were sacked to a punt. The Pack got to & goal but were sacked to a FG. GB were stopped by a last minute pick, which the Rams turned into a FG in Q2, 3-all. GB made a 4th & 3 in the red zone, Charge! for a TD, 3-10. A last minute FG made it 6-10 at half time.
   GB were held to a FG in the 7th minute of Q3? A penalty on the Rams let them carry on to a Charge! for another TD, 6-17. Back to & goal, TD for Jones, 6-24. The Rams scored a TD in the last minute of the quarter, the PAT was NG, 12-24.
   Another programme slot fuk-up by Sky, no 4th quarter. But Channel 5 did the match, so sucks to Sky. Mayfield threw a pick, the GB defender did a daft lateral, still GB ball when the whistle blew.
   A mugging gave the ball back to the Rams. Nowt from it. GB got to the red zone in the 12th minute, faffed about and were able to go to Victory Formation for the win.

Morons of the Month:
Surprise! It's the SNP and the Scottish looney Greens, who think 16 & 17-year-olds should get the vote to promote participation in elections by under-represented groups.
   Wot about pre-school kiddies? They are totally unrepresented in the WeeBurneystan Parliament and there are no worries about disrupting their education, as applies to teenagers.

The financial world is just realizing that crypto-currencies are out of the same box as Ponzi schemes.

Diversity Explained
It's anything that's obviously a Yellow Toothpaste Situation—such as a football team consisting of 3 cricketers, 2 weight lifters, 4 overweight darts players, a transister shoplifter and a goalkeeper in a wheelchair.
“Why should the agenda for the majority be set by a few weirdos and pathetic people desperate for something to be offended about? The diversity fascists need to be told; with a vigorous slap round the back of the head if necessary; that fairness is not just for freaks.” Emma Chizit

Sir Reepy Smarmer is looking for a suitable ludicrous leftie candidate to head up a taxpayer-funded Bureau for Optimal Language, Location, Output & Consumer Strategy.
   Sir Smarmer feels it's something Labour is particularly good at.

Public Service Announcement He's been called the Blogger of the Decade His intellect is matched only by the size of his luck and the size of his bank balance. And yet he manages to keep his Feet On The Ground with the greatest of ease. Do yourself a favour and find out what Xavier has had to say about what's going on Right Now!

Hey! Hey! striking for pay!
How many folks have you killed today?
And striking some more just raises your score

WEEK 4    Putin the ‘lapse’ into collapse

 
Serious Navigation Failure
The skipper of the fishing boat whose crew hoovered illegals out of the Channel got it 100% wrong when he did a rant blaming the government for putting his passengers in freezing seas.
   It was entirely the fault of the crooks who overloaded an obviously unsuitable boat, the idiots who boarded it and the ludicrous lefties & their lawyers, who are making money out of the illegals trade and acting as accessories after the fact to the criminal gangs doing people-smuggling.
“Now that the High Court has found that all 12 counts of the appeals against transportations to Rwanda were spurious, is it too much to hope that ALL of the costs should fall on the people who sponsored the appeals?” Jobbo Swerth
“Shame these characters don't have jobs to go to instead of blocking the streets with their demos. But they must be the sort of scrounger who Xpects everyone else to pay for their misguided do-gooding and pretence that draft-dodgers are escaping persecution.” Formerly A. Wray
“Everybody found on a cross-Channel raft carrying one or more children should be subject to a charge of felony child endangerment and gaoled. And then deported with no provision for appeal.” Serge Trousering

Technology brainfade
RLC** members were horrified to read that the author A. Cleeves managed to lose a laptop containing the only current version of a novel whilst strolling about in a Shetlandic blizzard.
   "It's simply mind-blowing," RLC author H.T. Smith told BFN, "that a professional writer fails to make a copy from their PC or laptop to a USB datastik after every update session and separate the two. And not noticing that you don't have something the size of a laptop any more is also a boggler," he added.
[**Romiley Literary Circle, Ed.]

NeatFlix makes fiction series.
Hapless Hairy & Mhegan the Muciloid chose NeatFlix for their messages of hate.
Draw you own conclusion.
“Hapless Hairy & Mhegan the Muciloid would be useless in a production of The Sound of Music. Never mind Climb Every Mountain, they can't even tackle the smallest molehill without throwing a major wobbly. Slushtag ^WhingeWahWah.” Miss Tabond

Leaping to the fore
DMG** is giving WTF severe competition when applied to the tedious pronouncements of Sir Kreepy Smarmer.
   This set of initials was devised for Gordon F. Broon, the man who stole £260 BILLION from private pension schemes and wasted ALL of it.
[**Deep Moaning Groan. Ed.]

The Investigatory Powers Tribunal in Wee Burneystan has as good as declared Police Scotland to be a criminal conspiracy. Something like the Mafia, but nowhere near as well organized.

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Take care what you wish for
Scots are agitating for a Women's Health Champion, which the SNP is failing to provide for no good reason even though there's one south of the border. But there have to be lingering suspicions that he (it will have to be a bloke on diversity grounds) will prove to be as much use as the SNP's Ferries Champion.

Does this look like a bad man?
Maybe those who voted ‘no' would like to change their view in the light of some uncomfortable facts.
   His government is letting brain-dead civil servants & qangos blow £6,300,000,000 of YOUR money per year on wonk brainwashing.
   What is our hero doing about it?
   Bugger all.
Still think he's not a bad man?

Rail & health unions are upset by the government's refusal to cave in & accept their Spanish practices forever.
Entitlement rulz, nokay.

Those People would have us believe that inflation has peaked and is now on the wane. Good luck with that.

The recovery from the damage inflicted by the Chinese plague and selfish trade union strikers is Xpected to be slowed down by a wonk requirement for chief Xecutives to xpress/publish views on a whole range of irrelevant ishues instead of concentrating on growing their business.

Normal levels of service won't be there, trade unions claim about soldiers & civil servants subbing for strikers. But the current 'normal' levels of service on offer pre-strikes were nothing to write home about, and they could well be Xceeded by the subs!

The Wimp from Wankerville
The Troll from Trondheim has been voted the weather industry's stoopidest scare story of the century so far. Worse is Xpected in the near future.

Not the Man of the Year
Footballer H. Kane, who can't kick a penalty in the direction of the goal. Like most of his team mates.

Today's Scientific Revelation
The temperature @ the Earth's core has been guestimated @ 6,000c. Which is $60 in real money.

+ + + + + + Battered Together Xmas Special + + + + + + 1 Deep-Fried Mars Bar + 1 Deep-Fried Eccles Cake

Burney's Brain goes Bang!
You can be any gender you want in WeeBurneystan now just by saying it and without giving any business to the medical trade. Ladies toilets are Xpected to become full of blokes immediately ‘coz they're nicer. Guid New Year A'body!

Telling it like it is
“The people who died in the Channel committed assisted suicide helped by the Labour party & other ludicrous lefties who told them that once they were here, the illegals would be unshiftable.” Arfur Crown

Very Expensive FLOP
The COP-Out 26 Beanfeast in Glasgow last year cost Britisch taxpayers £250,000,000 and achieved fuck all in terms of modifying The Planet's climate for the better.
   But then, who Xpected anything useful out of the posturing gits who dipped their bread in the taxpayer-funded gravy on offer?
   Amok Sharma, the figuremeathead, got to junket to 30 countries after ignoring the advice that doing it by video-conferencing would be a much better idea. He gets the Doshan Bleeda of the Month award.
“This creep is a duty-free junkie, is he?” Tuppence Farthing

70% of blokes are now able to do a Santa Claus gig without the need for any Xtra padding thanks to the growth of o'besity.

40% of defective vehicles on ‘smart' motorways are not being detected by the useless surveillance equipment and its operators.

“garys bloody lineker & neville make a strong case for putting down footballers when they get too old to play and look set to become an embarrassment.” Imper Rator

“A 98-year-old woman gets 2 years in gaol (suspended) for being a typist in a wartime concentration camp. Is this anything to do with justice or just another Xcuse to shove more taxpayers' cash & a Xmas bonus into the pockets of the legal trade?” Chi Loot
“That's really scraping the barrel. Wot next? Prosecuting relatives of typists? And people who knew relatives of typists?” Bob Shilling

On Xmas Eve, or any other day, there is no more disgusting sight than trade union leaders & their members playing politics with the lives of the people they live off.
   Sick transit to the dustbin.

The Democraps in the Untied States have decided that President Trump should be prosecuted for inciting the people's march on the Capitol in 2021.
   The US Dept. of Justice is entitled to ignore the confection as it is impurely party political tripe and nothing to do with what is and what isn't legal. But will it dare to do so?
   The Senate committee is now being invited to consider whether Prince Hairy and/or former footballer g. neville can also be fitted up for the Capitol Caper.
   So much for noël, noël & goodwill to all.

TNF: the Jags in wet & windy New Jersey
A sack/fumble in the second minute gave the ball to the Jets, they were sacked to a FG. One for the Jaguars after 8 minutes, 3-all. The Jags did a Charge! for a TD in the 4th minute of Q2, 10-3. They kicked a 45-yard FG after 12 minutes and missed another try from 44 yards in the last minute, 13-3 at half time and lots of booing for the Jets from their home crowd.
   Another FG for the Jags after 8 minutes of Q3, 16-3. The Jets made a 4th & 9 to start Q4 but blew up on a 4th & 2 @ the JJ 13. The Jags punted to the NJJ 1 in the 9th minute. The Jets made another 4th down but fumbled the ball away. A FG for the Jags made the final score 19-3.

Greenhouse Madhouse
The wonk in charge of the National Allotment Society is claiming that glass greenhouses are a life-threatening risk to the members as glass breaks and the edges are sharp. Thus if one of the society's members head-buts a pane of glass and rubs his/her neck against the broken edges, that idiot will cut their throat and bleed to death.
   Xperts are labelling the outburst ‘bizarre', especially as the wonk doesn't have a viable substitute for glass on offer.

Is anyone really surprised that MPs on fact-finding junkets check out the local sex workers enthusiastically? They're MPs. They're entitled. Someone else is paying. What the hell else would you Xpect?

The Wimmin's Equality junketeers have the hump about the above—mainly because it's the blokes wot are getting all the fun and they feel entitled to equality of razzle.

A grip needs to be got!
The Polis of the Metrolopis need to be made to realize that telling a vexatious pillock to go back to where he came from; or looks like he came from; is a ‘uman bluddy freedom of Xpression right. End of.
   And sacking coppers who claim it's rachel abuse as an Xcuse for not doing real police work would be a good start.

Canada has an interesting solution to funding its health service. Medical Assistance in Dying, it's called. The programme provides euthanasia for people with severe medical conditions, which cost the local health service a bomb, and also for people with a non-lethal condition if they feel their life is not worth living due to a pragmatic factor such as poverty.
   Mental ‘elf ishues will be included in MAiD from next year.

If you have anything seriously wrong with you, it would be a good idea not to put yourself @ the mercy of the Midlands Partnership NHS Trust, where the chief exec., one N. Carr, wants to pay some non-job stooge £115K for creating brave spaces.
   If that's the chief exec., just think what everyone else must be like!
“Maybe they could raise the cash by turning Carr's office into a freak show and charging people 50p a time to find out what a brain-dead public sector tosser looks like.” Max Florin
[Fair comment if ever there was one. Ed.]

Keeping warm on the picket line by burning union banners!
There's a rumour going round that it's Xmas but with everyone on strike, it's difficult to be sure.
Sirk Reepy Smarmer would like to wish you a Happy Diversity Holiday but he can't ‘coz he's in hiding in case he's asked awkward questions about nurses' pay and not actually having any policies.
Putrid the Poisoner has broken a long period of silence to confirm that all goals will be achieved in Ukraine as soon as the goal posts have been shifted to more positive positions.

We've had wall-to-wall moans about the Doom ‘n' Gloom on these pages. But we just reflect the times we live in. If you want things to get better, you need to start dangling ludicrous lefties from lamp posts and give decent people a chance.

Sherie Does A Link-Up
How many bodies will the RCN present to the nation's undertakers if their nurses go on strike for 6 months? Will there be anyone left for the NHS to take taxpayers' cash for? Will there be any taxpayers?

Health unions to stay on strike permanently as a public service to encourage people to be more careful and reduce accident rates?

“You might believe the NHS strikers are sincere if they didn't look so bloody smugly pleased with themselves on their picket lines and glad of all the attention, and if they were carrying 'Tories out' signs, that confirms it's about politics, not pay.” Bloxi Moped
“Is any coroner going to have the courage to declare that someone died as a result of neglect by striking health service union members?” Blend Sewell
“It's a good job they don't let nurses calculate medicine doses if they think 10.7% inflation +5% = 19.2%.” Grosse Parker
“And that 26% junior doctors want is calculated from 2008, when current newly qualified ones were getting a free education in a primary school courtesy of the taxpayer and not earning a living. Slushtag ^TotalGrossBollocks!” Duncan Handling

Is what is going on now all a plot to put off illegals?
Power cuts in winter, water cuts in summer by firms like Thames Water, which can't or won't fix leaking mains? Constant politically motivated strikes aimed at getting the Tories out by every ludicrous left-led trade union?
   Looks like GB is being positioned as a paradise only for masochists.

A gang of self-styled Xperts reckons that with migration at the current rate of over 1 million bodies nett per year, native Brits will be priced out of the labour market and end up living a life of leisure on benefits funded by the army of undercutting migrants doing the jobs they used to have.

Secondary school pupils need to be taught modern anti-Semitism, a government Xpert reckons. Presumably, he is referring to the sort that the Labour party is attempting to popularize.

Ve hef vays of making you smile
Putrid the Poisoner's Ministry of You Will Have Fun Or Else is organizing pantomimes & other entertainments to keep up the morale of the Putinazi war criminals in occupied areas of Ukraine.
“No chance of Xporting Muck 'who ate all the pies?' Lunch and the RCN woman to teach them how to go on strike for more pay?” Myron Amour

Today’s rant at an inanimate object:
"Well, that was a fukin stoopid thing to do and so, of course, you just had to do it."

Vulture ‘n’ Rat RoundUp
Sneaky Snack, our current prime monster, is rewarding those political staffers who confected BS about President Boris to get him out of Downing Street with jobs on the Downing Street roster.
Despite gorbal warmage, this is easily the coldest December of the 5 years between & including 2018 & 2022.
Putrid the Poisoner has decided not to do a state of the nation address this year as everyone knows it's in a hell of a mess and there is no point in rubbing that in further.
The Met. Commish is complaining that all the strikes are dragging coppers away from protecting Londoners. But as they stopped doing that years ago, will anyone notice?
A moan by Mhegan the Muciloid's mouthpiece about The Scum's response to the Clarkson exposé has been dismissed as a limp PR stunt.
The nation is horrified to learn that so many people have nothing better to do than pretend to give a rat's arse about MtM.
Great Britain or Great Brittle? Will something better than the Chinese plague rid us of wimps & wonks selectively?

Truth, Schmeuth
Sir Smarmer is still pretending that his tax plan for private schools isn't intended to get all the poor people out of them and leave them as the domain of only offspring of the rich or people with a hand in the taxpayer's pocket.
   Not so much economical with the truth as lock it up in a dungeon and throw away the key.

Canny skivers are giving up on Shirking @ Home. They're doing it in pubs, libraries (the few left open by looney councils) and other public spaces that let them keep warm without switching on the heating @ home.

So what if a few customers croak?
The claim from the boilermakers' union that ambulance crews have had a pay cut over the last decade has been Xposed as a deliberate socialist LIE. Their pay has gone up by 23%, or 8% above inflations. Hence the frantic scramble for other alibis for the strikers.

The Stonehouse Syndrome, or Where we be, let the dosh flow free
The ludicrous left claim that only right-wing politicians are greedy liars has been confirmed as just more falsehood & hyperbole by the arrests of millions of ludicrosities in the Europeon Parliament.
   When it comes to grabbing & taking bribes, the ludicrosities have always been unbeatable. Lest we forget, the only Britisch MPs gaoled for theft from the Britisch taxpayer with fraudulent Xpenses claims were Labour.
   Tories might have claimed for the odd moat-cleaning or Duck House of the August Moon, but when it came to the 'arm in up to the shoulder', Labour had them totally beat.
“The people's money is there for self-proclaimed men of the people to steal and steal again.” Yenu Kin

Priorities All Wrong
London's cosmetic mayor, Sadgeek K'han't, has given a budget of £400K of taxpayers' dosh to people in food poverty. And he also found £700K to donate to the diversity dooshanks.
   Like you could ever trust a Labour looney with other people's money. They'll throw it at anything if they think there's a couple of votes in it.

Xmas Day: The Packers in Miami
The Dolphins kicked a FG. The kick off was returned 94 yards to their 9; just a FG from it for 3-all. An 84-yard TD play put the MD 3-10 ahead. GB got to & goal, TD on their 4th down, 10-all. A bomb pass to Hill got the Fins to the GB 1, TD, 10-17. A FG made it 10-20. A fumble to GB in the 14th minute gave them a FG and 13-20 at the half.
   A TD in Q3 got GB to 20-all. The Fins missed a FG try. A pick by the Dolphins was countered by one by the Packers, FG from it, 23-20. Another pick gave GB a FG, 26-20 with 2 minutes left. And another pick made that score final.

Elsewhere on Xmas Day . . .
The Raiders opened the scoring in Pittsburgh with a TD. A nice drive by the Steelers ended in a missed FG in Q2. The next one didn't miss, 7-3. The Raiders zoomed to a FG at the end of the half for 10-3.
   A pick early in Q3 by the Raiders was countered by one by the Steelers! A long FG try was another miss. Another pick by the PS, the FG kick went darn the middle, 10-6. A TD by the Steelers left the Raiders with 46 seconds to do something. A pick by the Steelers gave them a 10-13 win.

Melting Snoflake
If Prince Hairy was terrified when his bro shouted at him, as he claims in his mock memoirs, how did he get on in Afghanistan? Did he hide under his bunk bed all day & night to avoid being shouted at by fierce & nasty Talibandits?
   Except when he had to do a photo-shoot with an enormous bodyguard force, of course.

From a Correspondent
Dear Editor, I've been reading BFN archives for 2014 and there's some good news. You don't have to bother doing 2023 editions. Just recycle 2014.
   All the current ishues are there—the ludicrous lefties & their fantasies, corruption galore, bungling civil service incompetence by the bathful, all aspects of the public sector were totally crap and/or corrupt, and trade unions were buying the Labour party's agenda.
   There were even ludicrosities trying to stitch up J. Clarkson with pathetically confected bullshit. That plus ça change thing is 100% accurate. The dates might change but the crap issuing from the ludicrosities remains la même chose.

Elsewhere on Xmas Day . . .
The Rams started with a FG against the Broncos, then a pylon crash after a pick gave them a TD and a 0-10 lead. Another pick, another TD, 0-17. The Broncos kicked a FG at the end of Q1, the Rams scored another TD in Q2, 3-24. And another in the last minute, which left time for a FG for the Broncos for 6-31.
   In Q3, Wilson was picked in the LAR goal by Ramsey, FG from it, 6-34. The Rams got sack number 6 in Q3 and another TD in Q4. Then the Broncos managed one, +2, 14-41. The Rams added a FG and a pick by Durant for a TD, 14-51 final.

A lethal new year
P. Cullen, honcho of the RCN, has £50 MILLION to spend on paying nurses to shut down the NHS and kill the customers. [Putin the ‘con' into conversation Ed.]
   There's a cheerful thought to take into 2023.
“What the owner of the grasping hand needs to be told is the service on offer isn't worth what we're paying for it now, never mind what we're paying for it now PLUS another 20 or 30 per cent.” Obama Gadaffy
The Unison trade union, which is behind ambulance staff strikes, is being quite blatant about wanting the broken bones & dead bodies to pile up in the streets to "concentrate the government's minds".
The BierBC is still enthusiastically talking up Britain going into a recession and things being much worser than everyone else thinks.

Elsewhere on Xmas Day . . .
Tampa Bay opened the scoring in Phoenix with a FG. A fake punt by the Cardinals worked but they fumbled the ball away. The Cards kicked a 55-yard FG to get level but a 35-yarder by the Bucs put them 6-3 down. A pick stopped TB when they got close and a 53-yard FG levelled the scores at 6-all and a 39-yarder made it 6-9.
   The Cardinals managed a TD in the 5th minute of Q4, 6-16. One for TB in the 7th minute, 13-16. A shambles gave the ball to Tampa Bay and they made it 16-all with a FG. Overtime, and a 19-16 win for the visitors.

Q: What's a good way to give Putrid the Poisoner the hump big time?
A: Give President Zelensky of Ukraine a hearty welcome on a visit to the Untied States.
Q: How long should we keep reminding g. neville that the dead migrant construction workers in Katar helped to push wads of dosh into his pockets?
A: His kind will never get that their path to pontification is paved with the dead bodies of little people, but there's no harm in going on and on about it until he gets the hump fucks off.
“Neville claims nurses are fighting for an extra pound or two pounds a week. In fact, if they're demanding 20%, its one or two HUNDRED pounds per week more. But hey, let's not let a few inconvenient facts get in the way of a ludicrosity doing a rant.” Bier Smarmer
“He's just like the BierBC stooge lineker, straight out of the twat box.” Aving Laff

The NFL on Boxo Day . . .
The Bengals blasted into the New England goal for a quick TD; the PAT missed. Another TD after 10 minutes, another missed PAT, 12-0. A FG try at the end of Q1 didn't miss, 15-0. A red zone pick by the Patriots with 4 minutes of Q2 left got them nowt. A TD with 14 seconds to go and a PAT!! put the Bengals 22-0 up.
   A pick by Jones in Q3 went all the way for a TD, missed PAT, 22-6. Same story with another NE TD in Q4, 22-12. The Bengals missed a FG try. A batted Fail Mary went to NE for a TD, no PAT, 22-18. The Pats fumbled the ball away at the CB 8 with 55 seconds to go, sealing a 7th win in a row for the Bengals.

An of colour actor person is creating a stink about an all-white production of Aladdin in Liverpool, confirming that the worst rachelists tend to be incomers and their entitled descendants. Assisted by the scum of humanity of the ludicrous left, of course.
“What we need is an easily accessed on-line register of firms which are choosing not to employ or promote white people so that those who are repelled by their blatant rachelism can choose to boycott them.” Con Stable

He did protest too much
FIFA boss for life S. Blatter was claiming in 2014 that giving an undeliverable summer World Cup to Katar didn't involve corruption and anyone who said different was guilty of rachelism, discrimination & crimes against diversity & multiculturalism. In other words, he deployed all the standard arguments of the corrupt scoundrel. And, of course, nothing was done about it.

Meanwhile, out of the nasty cold,
indoors in Dallas . . .
The Eagles got close, just a FG but a pick after 6 minutes gave them a TD, 10-0. Elliot did a Charge! from the PE 1, 10-7. In Q2, Lamb took a bomb pass and did a spin to get in, 10-14. A 4th down Charge! by the Eagles put them 17-14 up after 8 minutes. FG for Dallas, 17-all. A 47-yarder put the PE 20-17 ahead.
   D. Smith went in for a TD after 6 minutes of Q3, 27-17. A FG from the Cowboys, then a TD after a pick got them to 27-all. A TD for the Eagles 5 minutes in to Q4, one back for Dallas, 34-all. A mugging/pick and Dallas ball set up a FG, 34-37. The Cowboys bagged a fumble in the 13th minute, went on to a FG and 34-40 was how it ended.

Evil all the time
Government spivs of the DHSS are trying to confect against Baroness Mone and a PPE firm with a spurious defective-product scam. PPE Medpro supplied on-spec, sterile medical gowns to the NHS @ 50% of the previous price. The DHSS stooges are now claiming they should have been double-bagged, not single-bagged—something which wasn't specified in the contract—and they were NBG 'coz of the bagging. Dishonest, or what!

Will the Smoke & Mirrors last out?
The Labour party is getting its cronies in the civil service & academia to bulk up the child poverty sadistics so that if Sir Smarmer & his gang win in 2024, they can shift the goalposts and make the illusory millions vanish virtually overnight, which will let Sir Smarmer make a totally bogus claim of achieving a miracle of god-like proportions.

“Moaning about what J. Clarkson said in The Scum about Mhegan the Muciloid is a clear breach of his ‘uman bluddy right to free speech and all the confecters should be fined £8,000 plus costs, or banned from the internet for 8 years if they won't cough up the cash.” Hartley Worthit

Concentrated offensive
Xpert opinions are divided on the reason why airline computer systems have falling over, leaving customers stranded aborad. Hacking attacks from Putinstan, China, Iran & other unfriendly nations are common, but it is believed that militant Warmists are trying to get revenge on those who defy their orders to stop all air travel to save The Planet.
   Curiously, militant veganists are also figuring increasingly in the list of saboteurs.

Sherie Rounds Up Again
“How curious that g. bloody neville is okay with paying the bare minimum wage to staff at his hotel after yelling tripe about low pay in the NBGHS.” Zut McGut
“The striker's sign read: ‘All I want for Xmas is safe staffing'. Achieved by you standing out in the street and neglecting the customers, mate?” Oliver Crombadly
“Why would anyone be surprised that Talibandits are keeping females out of universities in Afghanistan at gunpoint? They're Talibandits. They're iggorant savages. It's what they do.” Barry Cuder
“Lest we forget, Sirk Reepy Smarmer is the arsehole who put the Nonce Confecter T. Watson into the Lords. That's the sort of creep he is.” Todin Thole

MNF: the Bolts @ the Colts
Defence to start. A pick by the Bolts was promptly batted back to the Colts. The first TD came in Q2 from a Charge! by the Chargers. The Colts replied with a FG and the Bolts closed the half at 10-3 with one.
   A pick by the Bolts went to & goal; but only a FG. The Bolts bogged a punt catch but kept the ball, only to lose it at their 21 via a mugging. The Colts lined up for a 4th & 1, the Bolts refused to jump offside before Q3 ended, and they stopped the Colts in Q4.
   The Bolts did a Charge! from the IC 1, 20-3. The Colts went out on another 4th down after sack No. 5—followed by sacks 6 & 7 by the Bolts, who are now in the post-season.

Hey! Hey! striking some more!
What’s the aim for your body score?

WEEK 5    Those People: Putin the ‘git’ into agitation

 
Putrid the poisoner has had to smack himself around the back of the head for making the stoopid blunder of calling his war against Ukraine a war rather than just an attempt to Putinazify a neighbour with access to the Black Sea.
“This has to be the Year of the Cynical Lie; that's one told—most often—by politicians and trade union apologists. They know it isn't true but they repeat it endlessly because they think there's something in it for them.” Arfur Crown

Today’s Leftovers Special: Toads in Blankets in the Hole
courtesy of Marcie's Marvellous Menus

We’re paying for all of this, let us not forget
The morons running the fabric of the Palace of Westmonster now require the minions to provide a gender history of all parents & other relatives before they can be issued with a security pass. Not for any reasonable reason, of course. It's just to satisfy yet another spurious & time wasting piece of crap devised by the wonkosities.

The Scenario in the Bario
Sirk Reepy Smarmer is vowing that Labour is going to stop its anti-social behaviour. This is deferably something we'll believe only when we see it.
“Labour is not going to be the party of the criminal? Hah! The ludicrous left is going to give up on imaginary thought crimes? Hah!” Con Ficter
“Recycled thought—are there are enuff smokers left in the Labour party to provide the fag packets on which daft ideas can be jotted?” Dave Dredharris

Something else we’re paying for
The pointless quango NHS England is to blow a ton of our cash on teaching midwives how to talk to transisters who are posing as men but have a bun in the oven. Which presumes that every bit of female Xperience & common sense was erased when the transister became one.
“This just confirms the importance of assuming that everyone who works in the healing industry now is either an idiot or a skiver (or both). And if they're not up to much, neither will their advice & opinions be.” Afu Kinkwid

What the end of 2022 has done is demolish once and for always the myth that the medical trade is wall to angels of mercy with a bright-glowing halo.
   The sad truth is that the NHS is run by idiots, who are incapable of organizing things of the most benefit to the customers and who have no concept of Value For Money. The burrocraps waste BILLIONs every year. Successive governments have been well aware of this but none ever does anything about it.
   As for the staff, many GPs no longer offer an effective, life preserving or enhancing service to their customers and nurses & ambulance staff have shown themselves to be just like any other trade unionist; miners, dockers, railway staff & all the rest
   When they want more dosh, they are as ready as anyone to walk off the job and sod the customers if they think it will blackmail a few more bob out of the taxpayer.

Back in 2014, the Met's Diversity Squad was ordered not to tell chummy, "You're nicked!" because the phrase contains letters which are present in the word ‘nigger'.
[As well as ninepence, Nigeria, Nicaragua & nicotine. Ed.]

Q: How much does a £1 large bag of crisps cost now thanks to all the strikes?
A: £1.29.

“Given their obsession with putting newspapers on phones & tablets, are publishers trying to drive the printed edition to Xtinction, and with it, newsagents? We should be told.” A.L.M.

“What a contrast, a real football icon, Pele, dead at 82 after outshining druggie cheats like Maradona and mouthy gits like the bloody garys.” Holly Day

Recycle, recycle
Health gurus in the Untied States [where else? Ed.] are encouraging their victims to flail their legs about when walking in the manner devised by the iconic Joncl Leese for his Ministry of Silly Walks sketch all them decades ago.
   Walking in the style of the burrocrap Mr. Teabag for 11 minutes per day gives a work-out equivalent to an hour and a quarter of intense physical activity, the gurus would have us believe.

Someone to blame it all on?
"Are the customers worth the effort?" government ministers are entitled to ask. The answer has to be in the negatory if the best they can do is confect a whinge about the Education Sec. wearing a posh watch ‘during a costa living crisis'. That God person has made a right old botch-up of some of her creations.

Bad news for the ancient Putrid the Poisoner—President Creaky Joe is giving Ukraine's air defences a Patriot missle boost.
   The bad news for Ukraine is that every single unit needs a crew of 80 who need months of training and Ukraine could well have won the war with Putinstan before the missles become effective.

Sheesh!
China's government has decided that people who die of its Wuhan plague will not be added to Chinese plague death sadistics. Because it can.
   This will make confecting a ‘Zero Chinese plague deaths today' stat a positive doddle and allow the economy to be opened up again.

Today’s Question: What is the sound of one hand clapping?
Answer: As loud as the sound of one hand cheering.
Moral: Buddhists don't have a monopoly on making daft, time-wasting observations.

Today’s Word: Efulgent
A bloke who has binged on foods stuffed with E-number additives

Just a thought . . .
A gas-fuelled power station costs half as much as 170 sea-sited windmills and produces eight and one-third more electricity all the time, not just when the wind is blowing at the right speed.
   Its impact on the climate of The Planet is less than that of the wind turbines and it doesn't kill anywhere near as many birds.

Wonderful thought
We are now living in fear & trembling of that Hunt bloke, who's currently posing as the Chancellor and making a bog of it, reviving the idea of a 15% death tax, something which Gordon F. Broon chickened out of putting in his election manifesto and Red Edstone Milipede wanted to.

Q: This unconscious bias thing—how can you show bias if you're unconscious?
A: You don't actually have to show bias. All that needs to happen is for a ludicrosity to think you might, maybe, could be showing it.
Q: Why has Wee Burney's gang sold out to a handful of transisters?
A: It's just politics, part of the manoeuvring to make her Queen of an independent Burneystan until the natives realize she hasn't left them two brass bawbees to rub thegither and string her up from a handy lamp post.
Q: Why is the kangaroo Commons committee that's stitching up President Boris refusing to let him publish his lawyer's opinion that they are a bunch of cowboys and they're getting it all wrong?
A: Two words: Harridan Harperson.

Sherie Out Of Her Box Again
“On the one hand, his stooges are telling PM Snack that letting a 12% fuel duty rise go ahead would be political suicide. On the other, the Xperts are telling us Labour will win the next election. Which is an argument for letting the rise go ahead to stick it to the ungrateful customers while he has a chance and before they stick it to him.” Farqui Nell
“If voting Labour is just pointless masochism ‘coz the Smarmer bunch has nothing to offer, and voting Tory is masochistically voting for more of the same from the Snack crowd, maybe we should see what it's like to be without a government for a year or two. Things can hardly get worser.” Stan Doffish
“Are there enough smokers left in the Labour party to provide fag-packet backs for drafting daft, money-wasting election promises?” Skier Barmier
[We have had a positive shower of correspondence making this point. Ed.]

Blowing Smoke
The opinion from a firm which makes alcohol-free booze imitations that young people don't drink ‘coz they are worried about being put on a PictoGram page doing something daft is . . . ingenuous? Self-serving?
   Young people are willing to show themselves being total idiots when they are sober. They couldn't possibly top that when shloshed.

At the rate things are going, the Royal Mail will be bankrupt and one with history before next Xmas, and the strikers will all be on the dole or working for Evri or Yodel.

The latest Disney update of Snow White & the Seven Dwarfs is free from snow, which is too white to be diverse, and contains nothing white for the reason just given.
   There are no odd numbers of anything (evens Xcluded), no dwarfs on sizeism grounds and definitely no prince, not even a transister one.

Something to look forward to—the BierBC is planning to launch a show especially for Gorbal Warmage Fraudsters on Radio 4 next year. The audience is Xpected to set new minimum records.

Q: If the rich pay most of Britain's taxes, why does the Labour party object to the Tories making them even richer and eligible to pay even more in taxes to support Labour's underachievers?
A: Labourites can't stand to see anyone getting on, no matter what damage it does to them.
Q: President O'Bummer was voted the worst US president since 1945 during his second term. Is Creaky Joe going to overtake him half-way through his first and only term in office?
A: Joe isn't an achiever, so the answer is probably in the negatory.

Oh, dear. People who travelled when the Britisch Army was subbing for the striking Border Farcers don't want them back. Things went much more smoothly and efficiently with the Army in charge and not messing people around for the sake of it that there was actually some enjoyment to be had from travelling.

Creaky Joe is looking for an Xcuse not to visit the UK to maintain credibility with the IRA supporters in the ranks of the Democraps.

TNF, 25 minutes late thanks to those twats at Sky, the Cowboys @ the Titans
The Cowboys worked to & goal, Elliott in for a TD in the 11th minute, 7-0. The next drive was held to a Q2 FG by the Titans, 10-0. Fumble to Dallas, fumble back, nuffink from it. A pick by the Titans led to a last minute FG and 10-3. Another pick by the DC got them a FG, 10-6.
   The Cowboys managed a TD in the 7th minute of Q3, 17-6. With 2:10 on the clock, the useless twat Sky recroding ran out. Just before the Titans scored a TD. 17-13. Another TD for the Cowboys 3 minutes in to Q4, 24-13. They added a FG in the 9th minute, 27-13.
   A pick by Dallas stopped the Titans. They went out on a 4th & 15 after stopping the Cowboys. The hole they were in was too deep and no more scoring.

Does anything work in this country? The government mechanism doesn't. And the police & the legal trade don't. Everything to do with travel doesn't. Nor does the burrocrapy responsible for issuing passports, driving licences, etc. Education, everything medical, local government. Repairing roads, bridges & other vital infrastructure? Forget it.

What the nation has had recently is an Xpectation adjustment. Need a doctor? You won't get access to one. Need an ambulance? You're on your own. Need hospital treatment for a medical condition? If you're still alive 5 years after your diagnosis, maybe.
   Burgled? Forget a police investigation. Stray into a badly signed (deliberately) council penalty zone and Xpect to be zonked mercilessly with fines. Want new documents? Want to travel anywhere? Forget it.
   Pay lower taxes in view of the reduced service? Not a bloody chance in hell, mate!

Below the line mission statement: Some of the above is true. BFN is recognized as a premiere class observational blog and a multiple winner of the OB of the Year award.
   We are constantly exposed to dodgy conclusions drawn from dodgy data by the 'experts', especially those found in the world of politics and especially those at the Treasury and in opposition. Some of us civilians at BFN like to join in to let them know that anyone can do it and we ain't impressed by their efforts.

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Created for Romiley Anarchists' League by workers in revolt against oppression to set the record straight in the 3rd millennium. © RAL, December MM22 like anyone cares.