WEEK 1    Putin the ‘con’ into conjuring

 
Worth a try?
The paint industry is believed to be a leading member of a consortium of DIY product manufacturers, which is claiming that doing, or even just watching, DIY is good for mental ‘elf. It relieves stress & anxiety and boosterizes wellbeing, we are assured with max sincerity.
The Health Department is joining in the cheers for DIY in the hope that some of the strain on mental ‘elf services can be relieved.

Shed your troubles
It doesn't matter if there's no power @ Xmas. The dockers are on strike, so most of the present gifts industry will go bust from lack of supplies and lack of sales.
   And the costa living crisis will make presents unaffordable anyway.
   Xmas will be a time for reflection with the entire population; apart from the rich, trade union leaders and MPs; sitting in the dark and praying for better times.

Super Saturday 1: the Alouettes in sunny T’ronno
The Als started with a TD drive, the Argos were stuffed on a 3rd & 2. Davis almost ran for a QB TD but he was ruled down at the 1. In on the next play, 14-0. The Argos managed a TD and the Als went back 14 ahead in the last minute of Q1.
   The Als picked a tipped pass a minute in to Q2. A pick by the Argos put them back on course for a TD. The PAT missed, 21-13. A TD by the Als was matched by a goal-line Charge! by the Argos & +2. 28-21. Returning the Q3 kick off for a TD got the Argos to 28-all!! The Als got a TD 4 minutes in by blocking a TA punt from their goal line, 35-28. A FG the other way, 35-31. Then another, 38-31
   In Q4, the Argos fumbled the ball away instead of scoring but got a safety, 35-33. A pick after 8 minutes got them nowhere. The Als managed to fumble the ball away at the TA 4. The Argos nearly did the same with 2 minutes left. When they went out on downs, that was it, the Als won.

Tandem Tripe
On the one hand, we have the Warmists pretending that gorbal warmage has made this the hottest October in the whole history of the Universe. On the other, we have the ludicrous lefties of the BierBC, etc., telling us that poor people can't afford to have their heating on, even though they don't bloody need it ‘coz it's warm.
   Triffic!

“It's worth remembering that the miserable bastard Warmists have not given up on trying to deprive us of Indian summers.” Balshoi Blat

The Labour party has not denied the rumour that if it ever wins a general election, Larry, the Downing Street cat, [or a successor] will be made the prime monster.
   Having a non-human leader, the ludicrous lefties think, will trump the Tories having females and a non-white male as governing party leaders.

The Wheensteen Defence
If he's an ugly git, then any wimmin who went to bed with him must have been slags doing it to boost their career & bimbos with prostitutional tendencies, and persons of no account.

All academic historical references to the Black Death in universities must now carry trigger warnings for snoflakes about rachelism, a premature & nasty end to life and colonialism. Also speciesism, as rats & fleas played a part in spreading it.

Xhibitionists who create a public nuisance get short shrift from the police in Qatar. Shame the police here can't do the same to the creep tendency.

Totally Irrelevant
Does anyone at Eon Next really believes the greenwash about meters in their letters. It's crap and they must know it. And they must know they're not scoring any points with it. But, like politicians, they keep doing it.

Fake fur releases DEADLY microparticles of plastic, which will KILL US ALL!! Unlike the equally DEADLY biomicroparticles released by real fur.

SNF: The Packers in Buffalo
Allen through swiss cheese to the GB 1, TD in the 12th minute. Another at the start of Q2, 0-14. What an end zone catch by Dodds!! 7-14. The Bills were back again with 2 minutes to go, and a FG as the half ran out, 7-24.
   The Pack were done out of a TD by a bum penalty in Q3, just a FG. One for the Bills with 6 minutes to go, 10-27. The first turn-over was a GB pick in Q4. The Bills picked the next play. They went on to another pick by GB and a big chuck, Rodgers to Foure, for a TD and 17-27.
   A 55-yard FG try by GB was NG. The End. The Bills won it in the first half.

All stamps must have a Berko from 2023/01/31.
Old ones won't work.
Iggorance is no Xcuse.
U have bin warned!

Q: What do you tell the Just Stop Oil stooges?
A: Just Stop Living and do us all a favour.

It will be WAR, folks!
Power companies that want customers to use appliances like washing machines @ night to even out demand are about to get into an almighty punch-up with Fire & Rescue services, which have to pick up the pieces when a crap, foreign-made appliance bursts into flames whilst unattended.

The Italian Solution
Why do they need to have pre-Xmas elections in Northern Ireland? They seem to have managed okay without a devolved government since February.

No points scored
The PM isn't taking a holiday to Egypt to join the Cop-Outers' beanfeast. He's focussing on domestic issues instead. Wee Sturney Burgeon, in contrast, causes only disasters in Scotland and her customers are glad to get shot of her, even if it's only for a few days.

Stupendous Soda Bread Two¼ Pounds of Perfection Plain or Speciality Romiley Artisan Bakery, 15b Riverside Drive

MNF: the Bengals in Cleveland
The Bengals got to CFL FG range then had a tipped pass picked. The Browns had a 53-yard try blocked. They were picked in the 14th minute, nowt from it in Q2. The first score was a TD by the Browns, +2, after 10 minutes. Sacks, fumbles, picks. The Bengals missed a long FG try and the Brown managed one in the last minute, 0-11 at half time.
   The Browns scored 2 more TDs in Q3, 0-25. Finally, one for the Bengals in the first minute of Q4, the PAT was NG, 6-25. The Browns again in the 7th minute, a consolation prize for the Bengals and 13-32 was how it ended.

Greater Manchester Police are now out of the Dustbin of Despond of special measures, the replacement chief constable, S. Watson, and our cosmetic mayor & crime commish have announced. How long it will be before Jonah Burnham gets the police back into total uselessness is a matter for concern. Xcept among the local criminal community, of course.

Pyromaniacs
Everyone is the same everywhere. Israel's equivalent of the Narzis is trying to seize power despite their leaders being under investigation for multiple instances of abuse of it. They think Arabs are inferiors that they are entitled to Xterminate, and that's why they're called Pyros.

The Ludicrosities who are trying to sell Greenhouse Grotter as a responsible adult rather than a mental ‘elf and a confused child must be Xtremely very desperate if she's the best figurehead they can find.

Q: Is the attention-seeking woman who sloshed her personal cess all over the statue of Sir Captain Tom Moore mad or just plain evil?
A: Both.
Q: What about a judge who didn't send her to gaol?
A: A disgrace to the trade. Should be sacked immediately; no pension; as an Xample to others who commit gross misconduct in the job they're paid for out of the public purse and bring their trade and the nation into disrepute.

People should stay @ home @ Xmas, and the management of Heathrow airport is planning to restrict the number of people allowed to use its facilities in this cause. They hope to encourage people to find something more productive to do than gad off to other countries.

A weight-reducing drug which, @ present, lets suitable customers shed 9% of their load in 4 months is being suggested as a possible solution to the migration crisis. Further development is Xpected to yield a product which will reduced undeportable criminals to a bag of bones in less than 6 months and prevent them from causing further mischief.

Havoc through sheer stoopidity
When the numbers for Low Traffic Neighbourhood scams are Xamined by people with a scrap of integrity, it becomes clear that rather than decreasing vehicle use and pollution, they increase both.
Why do ludicrous left council go for these scams? Because they are a licence to slap fines on anyone who has to drive anywhere in their territory.

Oh, tempora
The snoflakes born in the last decade of C20 and the first of C21 are so out of touch with the real world that they see a thumb's up graphic as a threat and an indication that the wielder is out to get them!

Putridstan has not denied the rumour that it is planning to Xplode a dirty bomb on Chinese territory and try to pin the blame on Ukraine.

Schools could go for a 4-day week as a means of cutting pay for teachers by 20%.

“If Scotland didn't qualify for the World Cup in Katar, why would anyone care if the SFA does or doesn't send someone to the opening ceremony? Despite Wee Burney's delusions, the world doesn't look to Scotland for leadership.” Ben Doon

Today's Wisdom:
Perfect strangers are nothing to worry about. It's the imperfect ones you have to look out for.

The computer technology for unsmart motorways is crap.
So what else is new?

Sherie’s first RoundUp of the month
“Apparently, the main objection the Labour party had to Kwasi Kwarteng when he was the Chancellor is that he wasn't black enough. He didn't sound like a black man on the phone. Just another example of the Kreepy bunch's endemic hippocrisy.” Hugo First
“Of course, where the Royal Navy went wrong in the first place was putting women on submarines in the first place. An obvious recipe for disaster but politicians will play silly PC games. It's what they do.” A. Drain M'Olé
“The stackbabber will put his party 1st and the country 2nd, sez Smarmer. If he were PM, the country would be lucky to be in his top 20.” Javon Zalament

According to Sirk Reepy Smarmer, the UK needs a PM who's female and Labour. Not to benefit the country, just for appearances' sake.
“Twice as good, appearancewise, if it's a transister? Or would that be viewed as just a sneaky way to get a bloke into the job via the back door?” Guy Scunnered

Japan is heading for Xtinction. The birth rate is falling and so is the death rate. Soon, it will be a nation of old fogies with no means of support.

Attempts by the SNP to recruit foreign nurses could be hindering health care on other planets, the ludicrous left opponents of Wee Burney's mob are claiming.

Q: Should our prime monster be at the Grotter Cop-Out in Egypt?
A: As the UK isn't the cause of the problems claimed by the Warmists, and nothing the UK does or says will have the slightest measurable effect on the climate of The Planet, the stackbabber should be here, doing something to unscrew the screw-ups he caused when he was the Chancer of the Exchequer.
   On the other hand, as we are generally safer when politicians aren't trying to do something, he should definitely go, claiming it's his duty to save the world. Or something.

That obvious!
Even the Sunday Post, Scotland's fave newspaper, has noticed that Putrid the Poisoner made a total nonsense of last year's Beanfeast in Glasgow with his warmongering.
   Wot is Greenhouse Grotter going to do about Putrid, we ask.
   Silence.

Part of the medical trade is in despair. Doing crosswords (cheap) is better for keeping oldies mentally alert than brain training (expensive).

“The rumour is that Prince Hairy called his latest tome SPARE ‘coz that's what he's gone in Californ-eye-ay.” Lew Crative
“Buddy, can you SPARE 35 million bucks?” Bram Aiyup

Desperate Confection
King Chuck, when he was just Prince Chuck, was once photographed standing next to a bloke accused of (but not convicted of) money laundering.

Ludicrous left politicians seeking the Islamist vote are apt to cut the names of jihadist terrorists out of official reports. Their Xcuse is that it gives the far right an "I told you so" card when the terrorist proves to be of Pakistani origin. It also waves two fingers at all the people murdered by the jihadist. Not that something like that would bother the ludicrosities.
Q: Why are they called the ludicrous left?
A: Because they insist that people are more likely to be murdered in this country by imaginary far-righters than actual insane Islamists.

Madman with a mission
Putrid the Poisoner is bragging that he is working hard to create the most dangerous decade since the 1940s. He is also planning to shoot down Western satellites in near Earth orbit to make more room for Putinstani space debris.
   Marsman Musk's immense fleet of satellites is especially in the firing line because he has come out as a friend of Ukraine.

Sticking a £10 fine on people who fail to turn up for an appointment booked with a GP? That's £14 MILLION per month for the NHS.

Some wonky police farces have stopped admitting that flashers dressed in female clothing are male to avoid offending a prevert by providing an accurate description of him.

The Chinese plague came from a laboratory leak in China.
No other Xplanation holds water.

FakeBuk's M. WhatASuckerberg and his company are disappearing up their own fundaments thanks to his obsession with his waste of time metaverse. His company's shares are on course for $0.00 before Easter.

“Entitled Spare is an Xcellent title for book written with Prince Hairy. He's both. And the spiritual heir to Nigel Molesworth, the Curse of St. Custard's.” Collis Eum

Q: Is it a criminal offence to kill a scumbag who is trying to blackmail someone with a sex tape?
A: Not in a civilized society.

“If oil is banned, how are they going to stop wind turbines from seizing up?” Crave Nexis

Q:Are there still mugs about with more money than sense?
A: They're the ones paying a fiver for a miserable 125 gm bag of disgustingly stinky fried egg crisps.

Q: Should we be concerned about the stackbabber's penchent for self-promotional videos?
A: If he's messing about doing PR stuff, he's not doing what always goes wrong for politicians—meddling with something important.
Q: Why are academics always so keen on public inquiries?
A: Because there are lotz of free lunches in it for them as well as the legal trade.

TNF: The Eagles in Texas
A classy opening drive by the Texans went to a TD. Same result from a long one by the Eagles. The Texans did nothing with a fumble recovery and punted in Q2. Another long PE drive put them 14-7 ahead in the 11th minute. A 75-yard HT drive produced a TD in the last minute; but only on review, 14-all. Which left time for the Eagles to try & miss a 54-yard FG attempt.
   The PE took a pick to a TD in the 7th minute of Q3, the Texans kicked a FG in the last minute of the quarter, 21-17. Another TD for the PE 4 minutes in to Q4. A flag on the PAT let them Charge! from the HT 1 for +2, 29-17. The Texans were getting close as the quarter ran out but a pick by the PE with 2 minutes to go put the tin lid on things.

++ World leaders & Warmist wonks breathe sigh of relief ++ UK PM will be having November holiday in sunny Egypt ++ Rest of world leaders not to be show up as useless skivers ++
“Looks like Snack 'n' Hunt are telling porkies about the depths of the disaster if Snack can skive off like this.” Pree Krasny

Glorious RoundUp
“Boris back as our President if the snackbabber fails to make the Tories more popular with the pollsters than the Labour party even though R. Snack is ahead of Sirk Reepy Smarmer? If he's got any sense, Boris will be doing something urgent a long way away when the Tories crawl back to his threshold.” Joe Kerfew
“Snack ‘n' Hunt do seem to be doing their best to make the Tories unelectable permanently.” Dorsey Budding
“Snack & Hunt are also talking up how bad things are to make anything they manage to do seem Herculean, even if it ain't. Bloody political bludgers, eh?” Nors Feratu

“There must definitely be a windfall tax on banks, which haven't begun to repay all the taxpayers' cash they grabbed in 2008, when the Brown Bust made them all bankrupt.” Red Djermind

Aspiration not actualité?
Will Marsman Musk free Twatter from the clutches of the ludicrous left? Or does he have more chance of establishing a thriving colony on Mars before 2024 is out? Some pruning of dead wood at the top was a good start @ dismantling a haven of the fascist left. But is the Marsman up for the long haul of rooting out their branches?
“Maybe he could Xclude the fascist left for as long as they've been doing it to everyone else.” Putas Putins

The BierBC is planning to turn local radio services into tokens. Regions will be Xpanded, hundreds of staff will be shed and the concept of really locally sourced content, especially at night, will be neutered.

Just a tripehound
The dispensed with ex-Gov. of the Bonk of England, M. Carney (foreign), is spreading BS about Brexit. His ‘assessments' of Britain's economic performance pre & post Brexit are zombie statistics created using outrageously cherry-picked & misleading data.
   No wonder he got things so badly wrong when he was in charge. Mainly due to his embracing the Osborne/Cameron Project Fear BS. In fact, BS is an accurate description of his assessment of post-Brexit Britain.
Naturally, the BierBC is also shovelling the BS frantically in all directions.

Main road through Romiley blocked by a dodgily parked police car, police chopper making a pointless racket overhead. Great start to a Sunday morning.

He didn’t say it in Welsh so it doesn’t count
Sirk Reepy Smarmer has banned his gang from junketing @ the World Cup in Katar. But the Welsh stooges who can get someone else to pay their way are going. Is there any room for more egg on the Kreepy mush? Probably not.

Today's Advice:
Beware the wobbler-jobblers, who see evil in everything that fails to thrust money into their pockets.

Bad News for the DoomBuggers. The death rate from the Chinese plague is Xpected to decline until January.
Good News for the DoomBuggers. There could be another wave in the new year and it might just be 10,000 times more deadly than any other variation. Or not.

Apparently, Britain was lashed by a major storm at the beginning of the week. Not up here, of course. Only where soft Southern bastards live.

Q: Does shooting a dodgy politician in the leg count as an assassination attempt?
A: Not in the real world.
Q: The Bonk of England is attempting to manipulate the bank rate to make its forecast of a 2-year recession come true?
A: Wouldn't put it past them.
Q: If ‘hard' is a plus-plus positive word, as in the government is working hard, is it a Good Thing that families are being hit hard?
A: How can it not be?
“The prime monster still doesn't get it. He's still pushing the ‘working hard' cliché. Strange that his minions haven't told him that no one is impressed by that garbage any more as it is just a sign of laziness and deficient communication skills.” Tyree Kill

Labour's appalling Pixie Balls-Cooper is yelling like a fish wife about migrants to get herself noticed, but has she stocked her many homes with any, as she promised to do during a previous spell of virtue flagging? Joke.
“It's not just Labour's Kreepy Smarmer of a leader who's a hippocrite. That seems to be a condition of membership.” Perce Armstrangle

Q: 55,000 tons of pretend carbon saved in a year by some Catholics not eating meat on a Friday. What's that in context?
A: Next to the 3,200,000,000,000 tons already in the atmosphere, bugger all.

How is Marsman Musk going to recover the 50 million billion zillion bucks he paid for Twatter? By charging mugs 20 bucks/month to use it as a certified real twat. Maybe he'll even throw in a discount on a trip to his colony on the Red Planet if he's feeling generous.

Hunting is de-horning rhinos, the Xperts reckon. Only short-horned species are surviving the predations of hunters and breeding.

Today's Question:
Doveish or rubbish?

An impossible dream?
Is it possible to weed out nasty bastard coppers from the nation's police farces? And the corrupt ones and those in league with criminals? Trying it with the law in its current disastrous state sounds like a recipe for shoving even more cash into the pockets of the ‘uman rights lawyers.

Foul, Ref!!
Hancock's Half Hour, the MP for West Suffolk, has put the stackbabber's knickers into a twist by doing a celeb spot on a reality TV show in Oz for a big wodge of cash.
   Our attention-seeking PM seems to be seriously worried about being upstaged, and seriously annoyed the he can't do anything about it.

Ludicrous Labour MP Corporal Underpants has had his legs slapped by the Commons Speaker for confecting silly stories about bullying in the lobbies @ the vote on fraking and taking some photographs in a prohibited area without asking permission.

Who is to blame for NeatFlix making a load of inaccurate garbage and calling it The Crown (of the UK implied)?
   The Royals, according to an academic, who is indignant that Royalty won't let him and his ilk rummage through their files and dustbins in the name of making a few bob.

CFL Sunday: It’s the Semis!
First up, the Alouettes got to midfield from the kick off in their match with the TigerCats, Harris to Wieneke for a TD. The Cats replied with a 47 yard FG, 3-7. Lewis was doing a grand job for the home team. Fletcher almost rushed for a TD in the 13th minute but he was ruled down at the 1. In for a TD from the next play, 3-14.
   The Cats kicked another FG in Q2. Fletcher rushed 33 yards for a TD, 6-21 in the 6th minute. And a single from a punt as defences took over, 6-22. Shiltz came on for Evans as the TC QB in Q3, and fired a TD pass to Dunbar, +2, 14-22 in the 8th minute. Worthy returned a punt to the TC 18, the Als were sacked to a FG, 14-25 at the close of Q3.
   The Cats managed a FG in Q4. Lots of defence. Stanback was unleashed in the closing stages, a penalty deprived Fletcher of another TD, FG instead, 17-28 final.

A confused bloke @ a demo near the Parliament building in Westmonster was waving a sign complaining about an invasion of unelected Tories. His sign was adorned with pix of Mr. Snack & Mrs. Braverperson, both of whom were elected to be MPs!
Slushtag ^BonquersBozo
“Definitely a shoo-in for the Twat of the Week Award.” Heldin Check

BP is a failure. Its profits for the last 3 months were a mere 7 billion quid. Chicken feed next to Shell's 8 billion quid.

“Kreepy Labour must be really hard up for stooges if Edstone Milipede is their energy correspondent.” Sna Katak

Q: Why is the stackbabber so keen to go to the Cop-Out BeanFeast in Egypt?
A: 'Coz Boris is going and he's afraid of being upstaged by a legitimate PM.

Putrid the Poisoner has 32 different forms of cancer, Xpert observers reckon, and he rattles when he walks due to all the pills he's taking. He's also twitchy and his memory is NBG. Which Xplains rather a lot.

Gen DoubleThink
A survey of people aged 13-24; popularly known as Generation Z, even though 11 years ain't a generation; has revealed that they think that everyone should have their rights & freedoms defended. They also think that people who don't agree with them should be cancelled, which is an indication of how much good sense has decayed in recent decades.

Back in 2013, the BierBC blew £175,000 of taxpayers' money on a report that confirmed an endemic looney left bias, which was thought to be unlikely to change. How true that was!

Public Service Announcement Politics costs us a bomb. But look at who’s blowing our cash like the proverbial drunken sailor on a spree. It's all in Garbagegate's Kartoon Corners The latest is Number Three in the series

WEEK 2    Putin the ‘rat’ into quangocrat

 
"The state can't fix all your problems," sez the stackbabber. In fact, the Xperience of anyone who's been around for a while is that the state can't fix ANY of your problems.

“Burnham, our local GM cosmetic mayor, didn't he get an OBE for services to funeral directing when he was a corrupt new labour minister @ the Department of Health back in the day?” Sob Okkan
[OBE as in Oh, Bloody 'Ell. Ed.]
“The President O'Bummer who got the Nobel Peace Prize—is this the same one who wanted to drag Dave the Leader into his plans for blasting bitz off Syria & warmongering?” Stab Vestibule

CFL Sunday: Western Semi: the Stamps in Vancouver
No messing about with the anthem before the match; it was done properly. The Stampeders started against the black Lions, FG. Butler got BC to the CS 5, no further, FG, 3-all in the 10th minute. The Lions went ahead with a FG in Q2. The Stamps had to punt but recovered a BC fumble and kicked a FG for 6-all. Rourke to Hollins for a TD in the 13th minute of Q2, 6-13.
   In Q3, the Stamps blew up on a 3rd & 3 instead of taking the FG chance. A catch by Burnham on 2nd & 17 set up a TD for Hatcher in the 12th minute, 6-20. Maier of the CS was taking a good pounding!
   The Stamps were sacked to a FG in Q3, 9-20. Hollins to the CS 3, TD for Burnham, 9-27 with 3 minutes to go. A quick TD drive by the Stamps was helped by DPI in the BC goal, 16-27, 93 seconds left. Rourke to Hatcher to the CS 15, FG from the 3, 16-30 with 10 seconds left. Hey, hey, hey! Goodbye!

Nothing ever changes
9 years ago, the police were demanding not to have to get involved when anti-frakers threatened to cause a riot if they saw any coppers.
   Same police attitude now.
“The really depressing thing about looking back at recent history from about a decade ago is we're still doing everything now that went on back then. Or the government is.
   “Migration control was/is a shambles. Bogus asylum seekers were/are getting away with it. The economy was/is a shambles. Politicians were/are terminally corrupt, etc., etc.
   “And the police were/are crap. And the useful idiots were/are trying to stop shale gas recovery.” Philm Scrip

SNF: the Titans in Kansas City
A long opener by the Chiefs, just a FG, 0-3. Titans exploded to the KC 34, nowt from it. Another long KC drive finished with a TD in Q2, 0-9. Henry in for a TD, 7-9. Henry again, 14-9. A last minute dash by KC got nothing.
   The Titans got the ball via a pick in Q3 in KC territory, FG, 17-9. A KC FG try missed. In Q4, 4th sack on Mahomes, then he made 20 yards on a 3rd & 17! Mahomes in for a TD, & +2, 17-all. OT.
   FG for KC after 6 minutes, 17-20. 4th & 26 for the Titans. No cigar.

Repeating something and expecting a different outcome is insane only in a static, perfectly elastic world. In the real world that we Xperience, things change. The Xact starting point, the duration of the process, the people carrying it out, the details of the method, etc. So what we have in the real world is constant and bogus violation of an inapplicable Law of Duplication.
“The outcome might look broadly similar when Xperiments are performed in the real world but it is possible to produce significantly different results by tweaking the conditions. For instance, shooting all the asylum lawyers and the obstructive Blobists @ the Home Office would let the Home Sec. get a grip on migration.” Schu Gully

The police are doing their best to talk a petrol bomb attack on a migrant processing centre in Kent into a vast right-wing terrorist plot comparable to the havoc caused by an Xploding Islamist.
   But not doing too well on the believability issue.

Black Friday sales have been brought forward a fortnight to now.

Q: Are warmer autumns evidence of a climate crisis?
A: Not as far as those who are getting the benefit of reduced heating bills are concerned.
“A cup of tea @ 25 deg.C is 2 deg.C warmer than one @ 23 deg.C but they taste equally cold.” Hugo Next
“Punishing us with green bollocks is as heinous as giving speeding tickets & parking fines to people who don't own a car in the name of diversity.” Vos Meigal
“Is Green'arse Grotter boycotting the Greenwash Jamboree in Egypt because Arabs don't take little girls seriously? Or even pretend to?” Rhee Tatepesh

Cockroaches are causing gorbal warmage, the Xperts now reckon, which gets us 'uman beanz off the hook!

MNF: The Ravens in New Orleans
Nothing much in Q1 until a TD for the Ravens in the 14th minute. The Saints were sacked to a standstill to close the quarter. Their defence kept the BR at bay until the 13th minute of Q2, another TD, 14-0. The Saints got close, a pass to the end zone was a bad miss, FG, 14-3 at half time.
   The BR kicked a FG in the 7th minute of Q3. NO got to the red zone but were sacked to a FG, 17-6. In Q4, the Ravens were sacked out of the red zone, almost lost the ball but ended up with a FG, 20-6. A pick gave them a short field to a TD after 8 minutes, 27-6. Wow! A TD from a 41-yard sideline dash by NO. Yup, he didn't step out of bounds. 27-13 final.

It's all very well for the Church of Scotland to rant @ the Home Sec. about the invasion of uninvited migrants but let us not forget that it's happening a long way from Scotland, which makes the Kirk irrelevant.
   And which probably makes the people involved in the refugee industry there think they can get away with claiming that most migrants have a genuine asylum claim when that's total bollocks.

Lock-ins due to the Chinese plague raised the divorce rate by 10%, the Office of Notional Sadistics reckons.

The government reckons it's committed to delivering Gordon F. Broon's H2S railway on budget & on time. Even if this is possible only by stretching the timeline mercilessly and lying constantly about the budget.

Sherie does another RoundUp
“The problem with snoflakes is they don't have a sense of proportion. They don't know enuff to make sensible value judgements and they can't be told anything realistic in case it upsets the poor dears.” Swami Sleaze
“The problem with Hunt is he's a rancid DoomBugger and not much cop @ doing anything really useful. And his £50 zillion Brown Hole in the economy is a number plucked out of the void with nothing concrete to support it.” Chemo Sabe
“When the present PM had his arse booted out of the Chancellorship, he reckoned he had a £30 BILLION surplus. How, other than by fantasy fuelled fiddling, did that become a £50 zillion Brown Hole in a matter of a few weeks? They're lying to us and they don't care how obvious they make it.” Moggie Strate
“Lest we forget, Hunt blagged £4K from the taxpayer for Mandarin lessons so he could talk to his Chinese wife. Scumbag, or what!” Moggie Thrope

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We were told to Xpect a week's rain last Sunday. Not much sign of serious drenching here in Romiley.

60% of the greenwash plastic bags labelled as biodegradable aren't. Put into a garden compost heap, they disintegrate to plastic bitz of a size defined as pollution rather than disappearing. Fraudsters is as fraudsters does.

The low-number TV channels are beating the crap out of streamer viewer ratings. Which just goes to show that people will rather watch the crap that a TV licence buys than pay Xtra for streamer crap.

A. Pritchard, Chief Exec of NHS England, is demanding £7 BILLION to hurl into her Brown Hole with no promises of reform of all the Spanish practices and no guarantee that it will be spent on anything useful to the customers rather than more diversity stooges.
   Time to tell her to F in the direction of off? Deferably.

No end to it
Diversity doshans are to be given the further task of ensuring a range of accents across their organization's staff in addition to the requirement for weirdos and representatives of meaningless & irrelevant minorities.

Poland is having to fortify its borders with hostile neighbours to prevent Putrid from swamping Yourope with migrants trucked in from the Middle East & Africa.

Today's Definition:
Buncologist—an expert in the field of scams.

Cracked record
Gordon F. Broon is warning that he is seeing levels of poverty not witnessed since he ran the Britisch economy onto the scrap heap a dozen or more years ago. What's his solution? The usual Labour tax more & waste more. Yawn.

Cute Artistic Phrase of the Week:
Optical Intensity.
“Visual complexity still Rulz, OK.” Kat Yemoss

Out of the shadows
The Picts in Scotland are being positioned as a major civilization which rivalled that of the Roman invaders. Hence the Roman campaign to paint them as painted nobodies. Which worked until recently, when researchers got the hang of what to look for in the way of records of the Pictish society, which didn't go in for elaborate burials and similar ostentation.

“Climate change is nothing new. People have been adapting to changes in the world around them for as long as there have been people.
   “What has changed is the arrival of the current snoflake mentality, which presents every slight change as a total catastrophe to make coping with it a Major Triumph instead of something that people can do & do do. Or used to be able to do in the Good Old Days before the snow started.
   “That mentality also gives them what they see as a perfect alibi for failure—The Universe has it in for them, they had no chance of succeeding, so why bother even trying?.” Bod Epart

Book Cooking Rulz, OK!
Migrants are Xpected to mop up 60%of the foreign aid budget when money spent on foreigners in the UK is regarded as foreign aid.

The prime monster is severely upset by all the attention Hancock's Half Hour is getting over his reality show appearance. Especially if the story that he's getting £400K for the gig is true.

If the nation's nurses go on strike, don't get ill ‘coz you'll die.

Q: Now the report on the Manchester Arena bombing is out, will the bosses of the alleged emergency services who were savaged by the judge face misconduct in a public office proceedings & gaol time?
A: Not a chance.

Chinese carbon dioxide emissions in the last 8 years have Xceeded the total from the UK since the start of our Industrial Revolution over 200 years ago. If any reparations are paid, China has to lead the way and we'll be quite a long way down the queue, well behind the likes of India and other moochers.

“If the climate crisis is irreversible, does that mean we don't have to waste any more time on it if we can't do anything about it?” Vos Mygastv
[Life ain't that straightforward. Ed.]
“What garbage. Our negligible 1% carbon emissions didn't cause the current climate so why should we hand out wedges of cash? The beneficiaries of our Industrial Revolution should be paying us!” Fehline Dasset
“Is there anything that's too stoopid for the climate loonies like Edstone Milipede and War on Want to yell? There's attention-seeking and then there's their mindless psychosis.
   “The notion of the UK donating ONE TRILLION QUID, that's one million million pounds, to countries like Pakistan where people will persist in living in areas which they know will flood is just certifiable.” Daryl Poolside

Definite de-evolution
We used to have yippee-ai-ay cowboys, who were fun in Westerns. We used to have Yippies in the 1960s – people who had an upper class income and a hippie lifestyle. Now we have YIPs – Young Illiberal Pillocks. So much for evolution.

What does breaching the BierBC guidelines on impartiality entail? 10 days off with full pay then business as usual. So much for evolution.

A Tory MP is to be suspended from the Commons for noticing the lack of integrity of the Parliamentary Standards Commish. Hallowed are the Ori.

There are no zoos now in Eastern Ukraine. Putinstani invaders have eaten all the animals; even the creepy-scrawlies; to supplement their meagre rations.

Don’t Xpect good sense from them!
A sign held up by one of a mob of Puntinazis recruited in Moscovicious to jeer the Britisch ambassador offered:
   HET B PUTANSKOM mERROPY!
Which is rather strange as the message can be read as "No to Putanic Terror!"

O.J. Corbynstein, perhaps realizing he's a totally busted flush in the UK, has come out of the closet as a 100% member of Team Putrid.
“This is a guy Sirk Reepy Smarmer told us would be a great prime monster? Sheesh!” Ikon fferati

“If hedgehogs can't learn not to hide in bonfires under construction, they deserve to go extinct!” Arron Gance

The Donald is threatening to run for the presidency again in 2024 to restore some decency to politics in the Untied States.
“The Democraps must be enormously crap if the best they can come up with as a presidential candidate for 2024 is mind-blown Creaky Joe, who's 80 this year.” I.O. Vry

Bin the kid gloves
Narzicistic clowns who mess about on motorway bridges should get 10 years in gaol to see if they can be brought back into touch with reality.
   And maybe the same should apply to the coppers who stand idly by and let them do it.
“That stoopid girl who was blubbing on TV belongs in a rubber room. Maybe they should have slapped a spot fine of a grand on her to give her something real to blub about.” Syem Se7en
“Woke & a joke, that's ecoterrorists. And put Red Edstone Milipede in there with them for announcing that the UK should pay the rest of the world for the gorbal warmage THEY created.” 4 Midable

Bin the Can or The Xtortionist in the Corner
Amazon has turned its talking tin cans into gangsters, which won't play music tracks the customer wants to hear unless they cough up another £107.88 per year for a premium subscription. Subscribers are opting out of Amazon completely and going elsewhere in droves.

TNF: the Falcons in soggy Carolina
Lotz of defence initially. A 46-yard FG by the Panthers after 8 minutes woke up the white, clean birds but they blew up on penalties. Wow! A 41-yard TD play by the Panthers 11 minutes into Q2, 0-10. A pick stopped the Falcons, a 49-yard FG from it, 0-13. Zoom to the red zone by the birds for a last minute FG, 3-13.
   The AF got to & goal 9 minutes in to Q3, TD, the PAT was NG, 9-13. A 43-yard dash by Marshall got the CP to the AF 40, on to another TD, another missed PAT, the rain blamed, 9-19.
   The rain stopped in Q4. The Panthers went further ahead with a FG. The Falcons made easy work of scoring a TD, the PAT missed, 15-22 with 2 minutes left; and that was as close as they got. The Panthers finished things off with a FG, 15-25 final. Not a good night for the AF QB.

“It's not often that politicians get a good idea, but money thrown away on supporting foreigners who are here uninvited is definitely foreign aid and should come out of that budget.” Ketrasil Green
“No foreign aid should go to countries involved in, or just out of, a civil war. If they choose to waste their resources on weapons, that was their choice and they have to Xpect to live with it. Same with nukes and/or a space programme. Despite the BS spread by the likes of Red Effin Ed, we are NOT the world's piggy bank.” Dustbin Hofberg

Cat out of bag crisis
Bad news for the gang making money out of bogus asylum claims. Interpol has confirmed that major criminals are sneaking into the UK with the boat people, helped by the French coastal patrols, which always manage to be somewhere else when a boat is launched.

Short Shrift would be a better idea
A Home Office minister has as good as dismissed the bogusness of a bunch of cheeky bastard uninvited migrants, who complained about their conditions of storage. If they just turn up here on spec, they can expect to get no more than what they're given.
“Why don't they just bung the migrants in the unused Nightingale hospital sites?” Ho Leek Wrap

Sherie Rounds ’em Up again . . .
“Only a dickhead like E. Milipede would think we owe China and the rest of the world a trillion quid in reparations for civilizing them with the technology we invented.” Van Ishing
“Maybe we'll consider Milipede reparations for China right after they repair the damage done by their Wuhan plague.” Dan Vriver
“What about Putinstan? They're always claiming they invented everything. But they've probably got their hand out with the rest of the scroungers.” Eldon Nid
“If Pakistan chooses to spend its national wealth on nuclear weapons instead of flood defences, we should respect their right to choose and not embarrass them by tossing cash for flood defences into their coffers.” Votem Ochet
“Green'arse Grotter is upset ‘coz the BeanFeast @ a holiday resort in Egypt is a scam for greenwashing, lying & cheating. She was also upset when our PM wasn't going to go there to join in the lying & cheating. Logic? Not a hint of it.
   “p.s. She's probably even more bent out of shape ‘coz snack decided to do the skive after all.” Thinko P'tanq

Q: Are current global temperatures a distress signal from The Planet, as the UN's global warming fraudsters are claiming?
A: The Planet has been a lot hotter—and also a lot colder—than it is now, which makes this just more climate bollocks from a notorious source of them.

Deathtraps R Us
Smart motorways better had be ‘coz there are no ‘umans keeping an eye on them a lot of the time, National Highways has admitted. And the technology is far from crashproof. As motorists who have been killed after surviving a crash have discovered.

Crash test dummies are having to be bulked up to match the size of an o'bese population, the car industry has announced. Our response is to wonder what took them so long, given the anguish about overweight Britain that's been rumbling on for years.

The Notional Truss is in danger of losing its charity status because the bosses can't stop playing ludicrous left politics.

Health lack-of-service Prognostications
An NHS strike this winter will reduce medical staff to the same level as railway staff in the public's view.
It will kill enough patients to solve hospital overcrowding and allow the oldest and worst hospitals to be closed & demolished.
It will also allow the NHS staff roster to be pruned to meet the reduced demand, which will let the current NHS wage bill meet the unions' pay aspirations when distributed to fewer people.

The government has wasted an estimated £14 million of our money on mindfulness BS for civil servants. No bloody wonder we're broke.

One-Way Street
“King Chuck is all in favour of breast-beating about the slave trade. But it's strange no one expects the Africans who rounded up their fellow Africans to sell to Arabs & Europeans are ever required to do any.” Vexed Moocher
“Do we need to be bogged down in the past by people who like to feel guilty about something someone else did? Don't we have an economic egermency that needs tackling?” Litter Rally
“Right. We really don't need the guiltmongers pretending that slavery is the sum total of what the Britisch gave to the world. Especially as we didn't actually invent having slaves. Not a lot of people know that. Or seem willing to acknowledge it.” Fulsome Four
“This King Charles Ill. Is he North Korean, or something? ” Misan Men

Eastern Final: the Al Capones in T’ronno
The Als punted. A pass play to their 17 for the Argos, nearly a TD on the next play, Speedy B played football during a juggled catch that survived a challenge, TD for A. Harris. The Als replied with a FG, 3-7. They fumbled the ball away in a shambles next time they had it. A 30-yard pass for Harris, one for Speedy B, Quellette in for a TD, 3-14.
   Daniels was wide open for a TD pass 6 minutes in to Q2, 3-21. Harris to Lewis, TD for Philpot, 10-21. The TA challenged for DPI and lost, faffed about on 3rd & 3 and eventually kicked a FG, 10-24 in the 13th minute, which left time for the Als to get to & goal and go sack, sack, FG. 13-24.
   Stanback charged 52 yards for a TD in Q3, +2, 21-24. The TA squeaked a 3rd & 1 on the way to a FG, 24-27 after 10 minutes. A TD for Gittens @ 0:00 put them 24-34 ahead.
   Some work for the punters in Q4. More Philpot, FG, 27-34 with 4 minutes left; which the Argos ate.

Don’t look for any sense here
Extracting our own shale gas, the experts reckon, would be much more environmentally friendly and do more for the British economy than lugging it 3,000 miles across the Atlantic in the addition to the distance travelled in the US.
   But no, the stackbabber is going ahead with a deal made by sometime PM L. Truss to buy shale gas from the Untied States ‘coz he thinks it will score points with the eco-loonies and eco-posturing is always irresistible to the politician.
“A degree of hypocrisy involved in this? More like a full circle of 360 degrees.” Jonty Revolter

Institutional failures @ the Bonk of England caused the pound to go wobbly during the Truss presidency, a leading government financial Xpert reckons.
Despite the costa living crisis, druggie motorists are still finding enuff cash to make their driving erratic enuff to be bustable—even by police farces which seem to be switched off most of the time.
Bets are being taken on whether any trade with its hands in the public's pocket won't go on strike before the year is out.

This week’s Meaningless Statistic:
The UK's per capita lifetime pocket phone consumption is 19.

Where do they get these characters?
Members of the public are trying out a helmet which disrupts brain function so that they can Xperience what it is to be like the scatterbrained M. Jakes, who is alleged to be an assistant commissioner of the Polis of the Metrolopis.
   Lest we forget, he's the woke headbanger who wore a menopause flush suit to what was supposed to be a serious meeting so that he could Xperience menopausal distractions. And got shot down in flames by a gaggle of retired top coppers for his stoopidity.
“If menopausal persons get distracted from doing anti-terrorism jobs when they get hot flushes, wouldn't it be a good idea to Xcuse them from this work? It the job really has to be done by a woman on something stoopid like diversity grounds, why not give it to someone who isn't Xperiencing distracting symptoms? Or does that make too much sense?” Caxton Planq
[Probably. Ed.]
“If this guy Jakes is only an assistant commish, what's the real one like? No wonder the Met is in receivership as totally useless.” Momper Tissue

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WEEK 3    Putin the ‘riot’ into chariot

 
Provoking to the max
There is nothing that gets Labour frothing @ the mouth more than a PM who has made a pile of dosh for himself instead of stealing it from other people or doing favours for rich mates at the taxpayer's Xpense.
   Socialist envy is, indeed, incurable.

“You have to wonder what the stackbabber & Hunt have been smoking if they think raising the top level of income tax to Gordon F. Broon's 50% is a good idea. It didn't raise much cash back then and it won't now. It will just encourage people to do less work or do it elsewhere. Political lessons are never learnt.” Simon Enemy
“If ye believe anything a politician tells ye will actually do ye a favour, ye deserve all ye get!” Pes Imist
“Back to the good old daze of the Brain Train and all the brightest & the best emigrating. Wot's the point of voting Tory if all you get is the worst bitz of labour recycled?” Paro Littik

Western Final: Is that snow on the pitch in Winnipeg?
Collards to Schoen for a TD to cap the Blue Bombers' opening drive. The PAT missed. 2 and a blocked punt for the Lions? Roughing the kicker but they punted a bit later. A botched attempt to field the ball gave it to BC @ the BB 2, TD dive by Pipkin, 7-6 in the 7th minute.
   The BB went ahead with a FG. BC fumbled the ball away as Q1 ran out, Scales stopped the BB with a pick in his goal in Q2. More work for the punters; Grant returned one by the Lions for a TD, 7-16. BC got a single from a punt with a minute left; time enuff for the BB to kick a FG @ 0:00 for 8-19.
   A FG in the 3rd minute of Q3 got the Lions to 11-19. The BB did a Charge! from the BC 1, the PAT missed and was returned the other way for +2! 13-25. The BB lost a TD to holding in Q4 and kicked a FG, 13-28. Collards was dinged. A TD for Hollins got BC to 20-28 with 2:43 left. The BB punted but the Lions ran out of time.
   The Bombers take on the Argos in Regina for Grey Cup 109.

Q: What puts Chancellor Hunt in the naff poseur category?
A: Paying £110 for a haircut and bragging about it.
PM Snack pays 3½ grand for suits with the trousers deliberately cut too short for his legs to make people think he's 6' 5" instead of 5' 6".
   Fashion Xperts reckon the ploy never works and it just make the idiot trying it look like a tosser.

How very dare they?
The Prime Monster has dismissed the complaints being made about sacked minister Sir G. Wilkinson as ‘unacceptable'. But that doesn't seem to be stopping more of them coming from people with a grudge to air.
   A direct challenge to his authority?

Quote of the Week:
"The hippocrisy of Labour is now so toxic that you need an oxygen mask to be in the same room as any of them."
“Labour, the party that put T. Watson in the Lords, getting righteous about the Tories? Scumbuckets rather than bags.” Splatny Kraposhch
[Putin the ‘twat’ into T. Watson? Ed.]

Today's Thought::
The average Response Time for Britain's emergency services is now greater than the longest human life span.
   Howcome? Each call that's ignored has to be awarded an RT of infinity. When this happens only occasionally, these calls can be Xcluded from statistics as blips. When it happens regularly and all the time, they can't be ignored.

The Scottish government is having to make plans to call in the army if the ambulance crews there go on strike. Not much clapping going on now.

Cooking with malice
How strange that other political parties are moaning about President Boris' resignation honours list but no one has a word to say about Sirk Reepy Smarmer elevating Twatson to the House of Frauds.
   Could all the indignation be as contrived as one of Sirk Reepy's lame efforts @ PMQs?
“Great, isn't it? All the political scumbags who are never going to get an honour are bitching because some others are getting them. Jealousy Rulz, Nokay!” Al Q'atraz

Something else strange is the allegedly Great & Good not allowing the people of Qatar the right to self-determination. Oh, no. They have to adopt an alien set of values just because it suits the prejudices of the GG control freaks further west.

The Tosser of the Month Award has to go to Vicki Stoff, honcho of the Quality Assurance Agency, who has ordered universities to colonize teaching of maths & computing by including modules full of bollocks about white supremacy/privilege & slavery to convey the message that anyone who isn't a wog is worthless. Like most quangos.

They’re Doomed!
The Scottish legal system is on the very edge of a slippery slope, the Xperts claim. Judge-only trials are a very bad idea, they insist, given the eccentric, ludicrous and downright disastrous views of a lot of today's judges.
   Juries can be perverse but they are amateurs at it next to judges with a political agenda to push.
“Especially if the judge has a convictions quota to meet after the government set a target.” Redun Daunt

MNF: the Washington Woodchucks in Philly
A sack by Sweat forced a fumble to the Eagles in the opening drive, on to a Charge! by Hurts from the WW 1, 0-7. A TD for Gibson after 10 minutes made it 7-all. DPI at the WW 6, TD for Goedert, 7-14.
   In Q2, the WW faffed about on a 4th & 1, got a time count penalty and kicked a FG, 10-14. They got the ball back from a pick, TD for Robinson, 17-14 in the 14th minute. Which left then with time to kick a 58-yard FG, 20-14. The PE drove into Q4, TD for D. Smith, 23-21.
   The Woodchucks were sacked to a FG after 9 minutes of Q3, 23-21. The WW were stopped by a pick when close to scoring. They were given a fumble recovery despite a fistful of facemask, 55-yard FG, 26-21. The Eagles started tossing the ball about as time ran out, they fumbled it way, TD for the WW @ 0:00, 32-21 final. The previously unbeaten Eagles are now 8-1.

Q: What do you get if the SNP decides to build some new ferries for vital services?
A: A stonking great bill, no ferries and an endless string of excuses.

Q: Is it a Bad Thing that government ministers get ratty with civil servants?
A: Given the Westmonster Blob's reputation for obstructionism, they seem to show amazing restraint. Probably because they kno that if they get rid of one deadleg, there'll be another along in a minute.
“Although, D. Raab seems to be trying to find out if he can get rid of enuff usual suspect deadlegs to hit a seam of competence.” Gorrie Zontal

The cross-Channel boaters are importing dozens of highly contagious diseases into Britain. Ta, for that.

The SNP would have us believe that bogus asylum seekers are less than human when they are no more than scrounging pests. Which is a pretty good description of the average SNP MP, come to think of it!

Dodgy Numbers
The shrinkage of the Britisch economy in the last 3 months was being touted as 0.5%. The real number turned out to be 0.2%. The Brown Hole has been rebranded as £53 BILLION as a round number like fifty billion sounds just like a guess. Which is also what the £53B is.
   The wonder is, the crooks didn't give it a decimal point to provide a cloak of pretend respectability.
“How does £53B square with £25B of new taxes in the coming Budget and £30B of cuts? (But not until after the next election.) It doesn't. It's a scam.” Argy Puddle

The truth will out [but no one will listen Ed.]
The notion of a £50,000,000,000 Brown Hole in the Britisch economy is a dangerous and deliberate lie, the Xperts reckon. If dodgy accounting and unrealistic forecasts are binned, the sums come out at a £14 billion surplus.
   What is the reason for the lie? It was concocted to pretend that the idea that cutting taxes to produce growth & greater wealth doesn't work. Which is does. Hence the need for the lie.

“How much of their trillion quid of reparations cash would stick to the fingers of the War on Want brigade? More than enuff to stop them wanting!” Zuta Lors

“Jakes the menopause suit Met assistant commish—a Doshan Bleeder of the Decade Award?” Giva Ninch
“Maybe some genius will combine the menovest with a stab vest so that top coppers can be nice and warm and safe if they ever have to go out in the mean streets for a PR exercise during the winter months.” Noah Klass
“Maybe the government will issue these amazing hot-o-vests to pensioners to keep them warm this winter instead of wasting them on poseurs. No, that makes far too much sense.” Mat Tancoq
“The police should be busting eco-loonies, the courts should be slapping huge fines on them and sending them to gaol if they do it again. But with so many useless buggers running the police and the courts, it ain't gonna happen.” Hral Vaxt

Q: Does anyone care if some comedian used bad language to describe a no-hoper on a TV talent show?
A: Only the bozos of theGroaner.

BA has decided to let its male flight crews wear lipstick & other make-up. That should do wonders for customer confidence.

Warning: The Institute of Contemporary Music Performance is now in the grip of wonkish bozos and to be avoided.

The job’s worth it?
A bloke was busted in Newcastle with 41 fake £20 notes in his possession. As they all had the same serial number and it said ‘Twenty Poond' on the back instead of ‘Twenty Pounds', they were obviously dud. So why was an ‘expert' from the Bank of England needed to confirm the bleedin' obvious? Let the taxpayer's dosh be wasted. There's plenty more sloshing around.

[from early 2014]
There was comment to the effect that if everyone is starving and having to rely on food banks (now as well as back then), how come there's an o'besity crisis? Which is still on-going now?

Q: How does flying to the far corners of the world for lengthy holidays save The Planet from gorbal warmage?
A: You'd have to be a dipply person with a name like Indigo Rumblebellow and a public nuisance to get it.

Q: What, if anything, does the imminent World Cup in Katar have going for it?
A: The weather will be nice & warm. And the event's very Xistence will bug the Hell out of the ludicrous left.
“13 quid a pint in a fan zone, 80 quid in a posh hotel—the only other place with a drinks licence—there won't be no drunken hooliganism.” Professor Ferguesswork
“Not by anyone who can't afford to buy off the booze police.” Arne Inking

Every bugger is an Xpert
TV is getting the blame for killing off home cooking for dinner parties. With everyone an amateur poseur-critic, hosts are bunging ready meals into a microwave instead of slaving, unappreciated, in the kitchen.

Imaginary cryptocurrency companies are falling apart at the seams and their imaginary wealth is disappearing like smoke from a bonfire.
The BierBC is talking up inflation to punish everyone who won't vote Labour. Costs are increasing by going up, seems to be the message.
Marsman Musk is threatening to let Twatter go bankrupt. Apparently, just for the Hell of it 'coz he can afford to.
Stores are finding that a Santa's Grotto is unaffordable this year. Not even grotty ones will be on offer.
The BierBC is still doing its best to make the football World Cup in Katar all about sexual deviants rather than football.
Lord Lucan may be on Mars . . . is as likely as any of the other silly stories offered over the last 50 years.

What do the morons Xpect?
The idle chatterboxes who have nothing better to do than whinge on the WWW are up in arms about the partygoers to the Egyptian BeanFeast arriving in 400 private jets instead of using el cheapo airlines.
   Like that would ever happen. Especially with a huge security crew, like the one that Creaky Joe needs.

Notice me. pleeeezzzz!
The more outrageously wonk Twats have been using the nigger word in a surge recently for some twisted reason which escapes normal people.
   It's appearing at three times the usual rate, according to the race-hate statistics confecters with nothing better to do.

“The DoomBuggers Snack 'n' Hunt are using the pointless 50p tax rate to deflect attention from the monstrous stealth tax of freezing thresholds. They should be on the winter bonfires. Or blown up by a modern Guy Fawkes.” Dan Drift
“Where are all the Xploding Islamists when you need one?” Lee Kyi Tap

Want to become a transister? Get a job @ HSBC and the wonky banksters will pay for it! Of course, in actuality, the customers will be paying. But that's what customers are for, ain't it? To be taken for mugs.

BFN readers will be delighted to know that the Arfur Tree is shaping up to be a big hit again this year. Half the space needed by a conventional Xmas tree means that much more room to deploy presents and defy the contrived costa living crisis.

There will be no G20 junketers' group photo this time around as none of the world's other leaders wanted to be in one with Putrid the Poisoner. Or one of his stooges as he didn't dare to show his ugly mug to the world.

The regime in the Untied States is trying to bully Ukraine into negotiating with Putrid the Poisoner's invaders. Putrid himself is offering everything but Crimea back, no reparations and he stays in power.

Back in 2014, it was A. Salmonella who was eager to be president of Scotland, no matter how stoopid and unaffordable that was. It was all ego-scratching & me-me-me. Fast forward to now and it's Wee Burney in Salmonella's spot. There's nowt so lasting as a daft notion.

Is it the job that makes them smirky & smug?
or “From one smug mugger to another”
Remember that £150 off your Council Tax this year? You're going to have to cough up at least £100 of it next year. It's getting impossible to tell the difference between the Brown Mugger and the Hunt Ditto.

++ Putinstani foreign minister—Putrid sub—taken to hospital in Bali from G20 summit ++ Alleged heart condition ++ Found not to have one & discharged ++

There is always a way
The West can avoid a cold war with China, President Creaky Joe has been told, if he does everything that President XI tells him to do. And that includes booting into touch, the pretence that gorbal warmage fraudsters can limit a rise in global temperatures to 1.5 deg.C above pre-industrial levels.
   China is demanding 2 deg.C and China will get it. But, of course, China will not be paying for burying the bodies. Wot bodies? The 2 deg.C rise will be a death sentence for many nations around the world, according to the UK's leading climate hysteric, A. Sharma, who is soon to be elevated to the House of Frauds for services to GWF.
   Luckily, nowhere important will be affected.
“Of course, where they're going wrong is obvious. They've picked an arbitrary date to make their guess about what global temperatures used to be. All they have to do is move the arbitrary date forward and they might even be able to get the rise down to the 1.1 deg.C that some of the fraudsters are agitating for. Wunderbar!” P. Hairy Mandelswine

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TNF: the Titans in Green Bay where it’s snowing
The TT opened with a TD. Rodgers had a dinged thumb but played okay. The Pack fumbled the ball away at the TT 25 but got it back, on to a TD, the PAT was bogged, 7-6 at the end of Q1.
   The TT got to the GB 4 in Q2 but went out on a 4th & 1. 3 & boot for GB. The Titans came back for a TD in the last minute of the half, 14-6. GB kicked a FG in the 9th minute of Q3, 14-9. The TT replied with a TD; the PAT dinged off a post; 20-9. So GB scored a TD, +2, 20-17.
   The Titans drove into Q4, to a TD? Yep, 27-17. GB got a pick in the 5th minute then the useless twats @ Sky ran out of the programme slot. Nowt from it. No more scoring. We ain't gonna trouble the play-offs this year.

Where the government is going wrong is in not locking up the Xtinctionists & OilStoppers under the Mental 'Elf Act as they are clearly mental elves lacking 2 brain cells to rub together.
“Maybe we could send them to China to get them into a re-education programme?” Vera Cross

Well, yes
CopOut 27 will have net zero impact on climate control, sez a correspondent to the Daily Disaster. True.
   Another pointed out that the Third World, which claims to do no damage to the planet, is flooding it with children produced by parents who know they can't or won't support them. Also True.

“Why do the usual suspects get so pretendy shocked at 'serving police officers' killing people? They're members of a national community that includes killers, and the current wonky inclusion & diversity rules DEMAND that the police include bad hats in their ranks. If that offends you, don't blame me, blame the ludicrous left for making this the new normal.” Cocco Van

“Isn't there a clue in that Met assistant commish guy's name? How could anyone possibly take Matty Jokes seriously?” Ali Bibaq

Pretty inventive if nothing else
The Talibandits in Afghanistan are hoping to boost their tourist trade with a return to the full & bloody edicts of Sharia law with public Xecutions by beheading, stonings to death, amputations & flaying.

Lack of resolve @ the top
What is wrong with the eco-scum who cause so much trouble but have no rational Xplanations to offer and no understanding of climate basics? It's a snoflake inability to cope with life, the Xperts reckon, and their utter and total purposelessness, which is putting them in a state of irrational anxiety.
   Worse, many of them are psychopaths who are using global warming fraudism as an Xcuse for larking about, even if it gets people killed. Or especially if it gets people killed. And will end up using something else as an Xcuse when the GW fraud runs out of steam.
   Not so much misfits as not fit at all.
“Which makes sectioning them as mental 'elves logical? Fine. Get on and do it. Preferably, in a clinic in Rwanda or someplace similar so that if they break out, they're not on the loose here.” Magna Mopus

Labour's answer to bed-blocking in hospitals is to nationalize care homes; adding BILLIONs to the National Debt; and attach them to hospitals as an annex for those needing care but not hospital care.

Vulture ‘n’ Rat RoundUp
The biggest threat to The Planet isn't gorbal warmage, it's the sheer numbers of unsupportable 'uman beanz. There is a massive 8 BILLION of them now.
The UN's spin from its Secretary, General Gutterez, is that the sheer volume of humanity is a celebration of diversity, which is total bollocks from a usual suspect. It's a prime Xample of all that's wrong with diversity. In sameness, there is strength!
A bloke on trial for murder would have the jury believe he hit his girlfriend on the head with an axe a dozen times accidentally. Good luck with that, matie!
Local councils have used Low Traffic Neighbourhood scams to steal £100,000,000 from motorists.
French champagne manufacturers are adopting a 'soak the rich' policy for the Festering Season by applying stonking price rises to their products.

No Argument Possible
What is this peculiar notion that President XI of China was 'awarded' another 5 years in the job? He's the boss, what he sez goes and he said "Gimme five more!" and that's wot he got.

Off at last
Following the launch of Artemis 1 after 2 false starts; no penalties awarded, NFL fans be advised; NASA is facing up to the inevitable. Its Moon missions using the new monster launcher are going to have to include in the crew, at least one woman and/or person of colour to start off. Then the cascade will begin.
   Transisters & every other variation, real & imagined, will have to follow. Eskimos, South Sea islanders, lost tribes from up the Amazon, binaries, non-binaries & unbinaries—the American taxpayer will need immensely deep pockets to accommodate the demands of the full spectrum of cosmetic moochers.

“I used to be well famous, you know!”
   "Hic! Pass the vodka.
   "Did I tell you I used to be famous?"
   Sometime Bondster D. Craig has been reduced to doing dancing vodka adverts to earn a crust now that he's too old to chase bad guys convincingly.

++ FIFA boss completely off head pre World Cup opener ++ Europeons have to apologize for last 3,000 years? ++ Doshan bleeda doesn't even come close ++
[Been helping Mr. Craig out with his vodka quota? Ed.]

Prohibitic Supplements are here NOW!
The ultimate anti-viral weapon & health booster
Beat everything from the Winter TripleDemic
   to Post-Lunch Food Coma
Romiley Advanced Pharma, 32d Riverside Drive

Well, obviously
Eco-loonies don't stop the traffic on the M25, it's the police—a correspondent to the Daily Disaster pointed out. And it's true. If some looney Xhibitionist twat is handcuffed to a gantry over a motorway, he/she/it isn't going anywhere and in no danger. Thus there is no reason to stop the traffic. And any coppers who do so should be subject to citizen's arrest and a spot fine of a grand.
“These eco-loonies—are they the Moonbat Tendency or the Monoblot Tendency?” Smor Gasboard
[Depends which news source you follow. Ed.]

Today's Quick Question:
How are Skive @ Home civil servants going to do picket lines? By appearing on big-screen TVs being waved by trade union stooges?

Just a word of warning:
If you hear lotz of burglar alarms going off, it's the government and the National Grid trying Xperimental power reductions and not giving enuff to the alarms.
   This is something tried; unsuccessfully; by the Coalition back in 2014. It's not Xpected to work now but that's not going to stop anyone from trying it on again.

Lest we forget:
"A good police force is one which catches more crooks than it employs."
   – Sir Robert Mark, corruption-busting Met commissioner ousted by the 1970s Callaghan regime (Labour) to let corruption flourish

Today's Thought:
If we have consumption, why don't we have the opposite, prosumption? Or is that what food banks do?

Computer Basics For Wonks
All computing is based on mathematics & logic, both of which were invented by headhunters in Borneo and not Europeans. Apart from Algebra which, as you should be able to tell from the name, was invented by Arabs, not Europeans.

WEEK 4    Putin the ‘git’ into egurgitative

 
Grey Cup 109 in Regina:
The Blue Bombers vs the Argonauts
The BB kicked off, the TA went 2 & gone. Their next drive produced a FG. The defences stayed in charge into Q2. The Argos got a rouge from a missed FG after 4 minutes, 4-0.
   Collards started to find receivers, 3rd & goal from the 1, TD for Prukop, 4-7. A FG in reply in the 12th minute made it 7-all. The BB kicked one in the last minute, the TA missed a 53-yard try, 7-10 at half time.
   In Q3, the BB were sacked to a punt. The Argos got their run game going, TD for Quellette, 14-10. DPI helped the BB to a TD in reply, 14-17. More defence into Q4, which started with a TA punt returned 102 yards by Grant for a TD!! The PAT was NG.
   The TA replied with a FG, 17-23 with 12 minutes to go. A pick stopped the BB. Kelly came on for B-T for the Argos. A failed challenge cost the TA a time out but they continued to another TD for Quellette, 24-23 with 3 minutes left.
   No lead is safe, bring the Grey Cup down the steps in the clutches of a pair of Mounties. Another pick stopped the BB. The Argos had a FG try blocked with 3 minutes to go. The Bombers were stopped @ the TA 10, and had a FG try blocked!!! Victory formation for the Argos & a win.

Q: The Former Female Prime Ministers' Club—are the members females who used to be PM or PMs who used to be female?
A: By the end of the century, there will probably be both.

Educated, sensible people are now officially a persecuted minority and eligible to claim compenbloodysation from wonk oppressors!

Q: What is the Quality Assurance Agency Xactly?
A: It's a charity devoted to undermining the Britisch way of life and smearing the Britisch character with the excrement of anti-white hatred and confected offence.
Q: Really? How do they get away with it?
A: Either the ludicrous left is throwing lotz of dosh at them or they've kidnapped someone's granny. No other Xplanations make sense.
“I suppose it's inevitable that the Quality Assurance Agency is the enemy of quality with its anti-white, anti-Western & anti-normal ludicrous left agenda.” A. Spire

SNF: the Chiefs @ the Chargers
The first score was a FG by the Chiefs. A TD from the Bolts in reply, 3-7 in the 6th minute. Another FG from KC, one back by the Bolts, 6-10. KC drove into Q2 to a TD, 13-10. The Bolts got to the 1½-yard line, TD, 13-17. And a FG in the last minute made it 13-20.
   KC kicked a FG in the 9th minute of Q3 and started Q4 with a TD, 23-20. KC got the ball from a forced fumble; and promptly fumbled it away. The Bolts went ahead with a TD in the 14th minute. KC got to the red zone in the last minute, TD, 30-27. And a pick made that final.

++ Office for Notional Sadistics got its guess for sales in October hopelessly wrong ++ No one surprised ++

Pres. Trudeau of Canada got a public wigging for the TV cameras @ the G20 do from Pres. Eleven for daring to object to Chinese interference & meddling & spying in Canada.
   All scowls with the cameras off him, handshake when on.
Let us not forget that the Chinese regime is communist and that means they'll grab anything they fancy and kill anyone who objects if they think they can get away with it.
   Which is a great reason to keep smacking our stackbabber of a PM round the back of the head and reminding who the Bad Guys are.

++ Total & stotal cup shock ++
++ Wales beats USA 1-all ++

Diversity, inclusion & anti-white & anti-male agitation are all damaging cohesion, the Xperts have found. Particularly @ universities, where every ridiculous distraction from learning anything useful is pursued with frenzied eagerness.

“If a fat bloke called Brian who looks like this {right] can win the Miss Greater Derry beauty contest in New Hampshire, what did the girls look like!!” Jacq Pott
“It's certainly an interesting interpretation of the Miss Universe umbrella; giving a title to someone who would be a definite miss in an actual beauty pageant.” C.E.W.

Worrying about not being able to remember things is a distraction which helps you to forget even more stuff, the Xperts have found.

++ Arabs hammer Argies ++ Break 30+ streak of wins to deliver worst WC humiliation of all time ++

What's the latest threat to our continued survival? Discarded cigarette ends. How bleedin' desperate can you get!
[Certainly an 'I' for invention. Ed.]
“Or a 'C' for confection?” Perry Stupnik

MNF: the 49ers in rain-drenched Arizona
A FG for the Cardinals after 7 minutes woke up the visitors, who scored a TD in the 2nd minute of Q2, 7-3. A deflected pass to the SF defence set up another TD; Kittle in the 7th minute, 14-3. A 47-yard sprint by Dorch set up a TD for Connor, 14-10. A FG for SF in the last minute made it 17-10.
   A 30-yard TD for Samuel in Q3 put SF 24-10 ahead. Another for Aiyuk in the last minute of the quarter, 31-10. Another for Kittle 5 minutes in to Q4, 38-10. A pick in the SF goal with 2 minutes left deprived the Crads of a consolation TD. Good Night.

++ FIFA booted into not thrusting wonk political armbands @ players ++ Players Xpected to stop twatting about & get on with what they're paid for ++
“Gianni Infantino, the FIFA ranter bloke? Well named! Infantino is Italian for little baby.” Elip Tical
“England's shame, letting the deadlegs from Iran put 2 goals past them.” W.U. Likwid
“At least the England captain didn't get to do his armband posturing. It would probably have been 6-all if he'd been preening himself about wearing it.” Barry Himler
“If you don't approve of the country, have nothing to do with it. Don't be an arrogant bastard who pretends to be holier than them.” Plas Tregarth

Cop Out 27 in Egypt was a total waste of time. The usual suspects got their noses in the trough, the DoomBuggers were ignored again and nothing is going to change.
   And China isn't going to toss any cash into the kitty; not that anyone Xpected Pres. Eleven to admit he's causing the perceived problems instead of being a victim of them.

One-third of children have never ever written a letter, according to one of those surveys. But given the outrageous cost of stamps and the dodginess of the Royal Mail's employees, no one should be surprised.
Publishers are having to reissue ever Teach Yourself book in an edition that includes slavery plus anti-white and anti-Britisch propaganda.
People smugglers are in a state of despair. The Border Farce is going on strike and there will be no cross-Channel taxi service available.
A meteorite that has a water content of 11% is being claimed as evidence for how the Earth ended up covered in oceans. But the claim fails to address the vital issue of where the meteorite got its water from in the first place.

August's Temporary Shark Week was such a great success that there will be another in December!

It doesn't say much for the quality of a reality TV show's audience if a rule-breaking politician (not gaoled) gets 2,750% MORE complaints about being on the show than a convicted & gaoled sex offender.

“The Stackstabber PM fears for the safety of women. Does that mean he's going to get himself fitted with a chastity belt?” Ratt 10krantz
“Probably the ultra-bling version.” Emily Vengeance

++ Bud Adveiser sez sue Katar over beer ban ++
“Wot's on offer instead? Some tasty Katar pastilles?” Una Pologetic

More cash down the drain
20 mph speed limits were touted as a wonderful life-saver and millions of pounds were thrown at the manufacturers of signs. Surprise! They ain't. Collisions & deaths & injuries remain the same where the 20-zones were created.

Perhaps the biggest scandal to come out of the BeanFeast at the holiday resort in Egypt is that China is an 'emerging nation'. It has a monstrous industrial and electronic industry base, and the only emerging it could do now is from under the dead hand of communism. Which ain't gonna happen anytime soon.

Quick Political Profiles No. 821: Angular Robot
Ludicrous left, foul-mouthed former fat girl with plastic(?) tits, doesn't get logic. Shame she hasn't got anything worthwhile as an attention-seeker.

The chief economist of the Office for Notional Sadistics thinks that 1991 + 41 = 2022. Which has led to his confected inflation figure of 11.1% being called into question.
The Amazonians are killing off their jungles, which will be completely gone by 2030, the Xperts reckon. Which will bring untold misery to the gorbal warmage fraudsters as they will lose their faux raison d'etre and everything they are up to will be Xposed; yet again; as a total waste of time & other people's money.

“One does wonder why so many of the judiciary are complete idiots rather than just plain idiots. Do they see Xtra virtue in taking their stupidity to Xtremes?” Noted Carousel

“Why is it professional busy-bodies are so eager to raise awareness only about stuff we kno about already? Especially stuff we kno enuff about not to care about it?” J. Cloth
[Originality is not their strong suit. Ed.]

Indigo isn't a proper colour, which is why there is an artificial controversy about its Xact shade. Is it INDIGO [dark red with a touch of blue] or INDIGO [bright blue with a touch of red]?
[Who cares? Ed.]

The terrorists are still at it in Northern Ireland when taking a break from their protection rackets. Guyz 'n' gunz 'n' bombz to keep the police busy.

The Scottish Supreme Court had to offer a ruling on whether holding an independence referendum is within the competence of the Scittish government, which was obviously an abuse of English taxpayers' cash.
   Nothing at all, the evidence shows clearly, is within the SNP's competence. Trams, ferries, roads, bridges, policing, education, health services, the justice system—all are a shambles thanks to Wee Bee and her useless gang.
   And things would be no different if Labour were ever to get back into power north of the border.

Typical SNP
Scotland's new Patient Safety Commissioner is yet another political chocolate teapot who won't be able to deal with complaints from let-down customers.
   They will have to continue to complain to the unsafe local health boards, which keep letting them down.

Political Crossword:
Wiped out growth of 8 years in next 2 years (7,6)
[Chinese plague, Ed.]

The Vatican is in full cover-up mode again over where the money is and who is dipping fists into it. The situation is not helped by the unreformable rules, which include a requirement to sack an auditor who finds an envelope containing half a million euros in notes in a cardinal's office.

++ Smug Boyz Snack ‘n' Hunt warned that Tory party will bin them if they try to betray Brexit ++ Snack forced into immediate denial ++ Sincerity gap remains ++

If a skiver takes a day off to watch a World Cup football match, that should be charged to their holiday budget. No ifs, no buts.

Some police farces, e.g. Cleveland, are achieving complaint rates approaching 700 per 1,000 staff.

Xperts have determined that the only way for the Royal Mail to make a profit again is to give up on letters and sack all the striking postmen.

Q: How do you spot an idiot?
A: When the Labour substitute Chancellor starts going on about ‘forcing' councils to put up C Tax, that's a sure sign of it. Local councils will grab every penny they can to stuff into their Brown Hole and no force to make them do it is ever necessary,.

The present Tory regime seems to be preparing us for a Labour win @ the next general selection by installing all sorts of discredited stooges from the corrupt new labour era in positions of responsibility.

“If you wanted to hold a World Cup somewhere totally inhospitable, you couldn't have done any worse than Katar. Unless you went to Putinstan or Iran or Afghanistan.” T.D. List

More motions gone through?
The leader of Operation Midland, the Met's discredited attempt to confect a VIP abuse ring, is in line for charges of gross misconduct & offering inaccurate and dishonest alibis.
   No gaol time or career damage is Xpected. Unless the new head of the Met really is serious about mashing the rotten apples.

Today's Question:
How are menopausal NHS surgeons going to shirk from home? Driving robots from their laptop?

Darn the plughole
It's currently fashionable to look forward to the next general selection, so let's get it out of the way now. These Tories are Totally Useless. Labour are never anything but Totally Useless.
   The Trivials, like other tiny parties, are irrelevant. Which means that there's no point in making the effort to vote as whoever gets in will be Totally Useless and the staff of polling stations will be able to spend the day reading their literature of choice undisturbed, in the main, by annoying customers.

NFL Thanksgiving Thursday:
Not much being given in Detroit
It was 25-all in the last few seconds. A FG for the Bills squeaked through after they'd gone 48 yards in 21 seconds. 2 seconds left for the Lions to toss the ball around pointlessly before it all ended.
Traditional Divisional
The Giants visited the Cowboys in Dallas, where the ref was lucky not to have his head torn off by a burly coach. 13-7 at half time. Then the Giants forgot how to score until the very end of Q4. 20-28 final.
And some final thanks for your giving . . .
Better defence put the visiting Patriots ahead of the Vikings, but it was 16-all at half time thanks to a missed PAT by the Vikings. The Patriots scored a TD in Q3 so the Vikings returned the kick off for one the other way! 23-all. Which became 26-23 by the end of Q3 and 26-33 final.

XX NG, XY Rulz
It has been revealed that Mrs. O'bummer & Mhegan the Merciless are living proof of an uncomfortable truth for wimmin like them. Had they not married a bloke who became president or a bloke who was Royal, they'd be a routine lawyer and a bit-part actress respectively now.
   They owe everything they've got; position, wealth and so on; entirely to their marriage. Oh, dear.

Don’t get ill; ever!
RCN, GMB, BMA—they are all supposed to be unions for caring people working in the health industry. How wonderful that their are bosses are being Xposed as bullies and gropists in increasing numbers. It's almost as if these are requirements in the job description.
   No wonder that they have so little regard for the welfare of the customers. And there's the issue of the stonking salaries which their members have to cough up for the bosses even though they keep on pretending to have ludicrous left ideals.

Lemon Fixit™ Relieves all ills rapidly, surely Black Friday Offers!! Romiley Advanced Pharma, 32d Riverside Drive

There is a strong suspicion that dodgy armbands were being lined up as a possible alibi for nations with no chance of winning the WC. They didn't winnit ‘coz of the armband ishue rather than through being NBG @ footie.
++ England lose nil-all to Untied States ++
Does it matter if Wales lost to Iran? They were never going to win and they should just make the best of having got into the first round.
The BierBC lady is going on about mental ‘elf. No chance of concentrating on the football, of course.

Esso petrol in Romiley 159.9p/litre
Esso diesel in Romiley 181.9p/litre

Q: What sort of a twat do you have to be to shred 10 grand ‘coz the Boy Beckham is ignoring you?
A: A rather pointless & ignorable one, at a guess.

Mhegan the Merciless and her stooge Hapless Hairy are to be given a ludicrous fiction award by the RFK Foundation for confecting structural rachelism in the Britisch monarchy. The Foundation's honchos were clearly impressed by the way M 'n' H piled up their accusations based on absolutely bugger all.

The DoomBuggers are cheering the Hunt budget, which is Xpected to thrust the UK into a Doom Loop of sky-high taxes and disincentive to work & invest, which will be worse than the worst that Gordon F. Broon managed.

++ Supreme Court tells Wee Burney to get lost ++
++ Second IndyRef will be on Twatter now? ++
++ No one impressed by Burney making it all about her ++
“What sort of a referendum doesn't give a vote to everyone of voting age whether or not they are currently living in their country?” Jeef Berkey

NHS Scotland has given up on Wee Burney and its bosses are making noises about a 2-tier system with people paying to get into the express lane. [Or out of the really slow lane into the slow lane? Ed.]
   Wee Bee has been typically evasive on the subject, going from what was left unsaid in her latest Xercise in self-adoration.
   A Brown Hole some £2.1 BILLION deep was Xposed in her budget a few months ago. Hence the need for wiggle room.

Inevitable destination
Angular Robot set up a company to manage her campaign to become Sir Smarmer's deputy; presumably as a tax dodge.
   She's now having to liquidate it before it goes embarrassingly bust. That's what the Labour party does. When they're in charge, they make everything; especially the country; go bust.

A 16-year-old in the Shrewsbury area is the current holder of the NHS Most Ridiculous Appointment Award.
   His examination date is for July 2025, when he will be 18.

Q: Why are there no eggs?
A: Because supermarkets shove their prices up but Xpect to pay the producers less than their production cost. Suppliers are cutting their losses, which are aggravated by the current bird flu epidemic, and there are no eggs.
[Customers are advised NOT to try to make an omelette with this type of egg. Although, they can be used in cake-making. Ed.]

Privilege Rulz
1. Yes, there is one rule for the rich and another for everyone else. The rich pay most of the taxes and Labour's scroungers don't.
2. If you're non-white and you're voted off some TV show or other, the Black Privilege Rule kicks in and all the usual suspects start yelling rachelism—so often that all they're likely to get in response now is a "Calm down, dear!" put-down.

Useless bunch
Little John of the Daily Disaster got it Xactly right. For all the posturing about armbands and kneeling down for dead criminals, all them footballers still went to Katar to be in the World Cup. And all the BS about gorbal warmage, oppressive religion, etc., counted for nowt.

"We go to university to get knowledge," said a student. Tripe. Most of them go there to get their woke prejudices confirmed.

Some drug dealers were unable to join in the victory celebrations after the Saudis win. A dozen of them have been debonced over the last fortnight.
How bad are the Argies? The Saudi manager (French) was sacked by Cambridge United for being NBG. So what's this team like?

“Isn't life tragic without our weekly fix of Canadian Football League? Groan.” Gluten Morgen

Regulation, Schmegulation
1. The bosses of Ofgem, the industry regulator for gas & electricity suppliers, could find themselves liable for the £9.2 BILLION of taxpayers' cash lost via clearing up after cowboys who went bust on their watch.
2. Ofsted was booted into getting off its arse and doing its job of checking up on schools; and found that 80% of the ones rated as outstanding aren't. Worse, 5% of them are useless.

Theft by any other name . . .
What is the UN's CopOut Redistribution Fund but a tax on hard work and enterprise? It's just a ludicrous left scam to steal from those who made an effort to create the modern world which everyone wants to join in with, skim off a healthy portion for the usual suspects and hand what's left over to the indolent and shiftless to buy their adoration.
   Hallowed are the Ori.

Today’s Cannibal Treat: Crispy Guys 'n' Crunchy Gals!

Think on, if it’s not too late
Bad news for anyone who has been on strike or planning to go on strike in October, November & December. It's an automatic Xclusion from all of the wonderful events planned for the December edition of Temporary Shark Week.

Something for the self-delusional chump?
“When you look at some of the people who got the RFK Ripple of Hope in the past; Slick Willy Clinton, his poisonous missus, the Democrap Rep. Nasti Pelosi; giving it to Mhegan the Merciless and Hapless Hairy doesn't look so absurd any more.” G. Oakum Pear

Gallic shrug
French coastguards have come up with a cute Xcuse for not lugging cross-Channel boaters back to their country when the invaders start sinking. They assume any annoying phone calls come from Britisch waters and don't launch a rescue to avoid causing a diplomatic incident.

Woncaster is campaigning to become the next town to receive city status.

Due to inflation. Petit Fours will now have to be Petit Fives.

Sussed, Big Time!
Ex-president Boris has blown the lid off the EFU. Germany, he has revealed, wanted Putinstan to sweep right across Ukraine to keep the gas flowing. Same for the Italians.
   The cheese-eating surrender monkeys were still hailing Putrid as a peace-maker after his jack-booters had crossed the borders to Ukraine.
   German's current leader, Sergeant Schultz, did some blustering in response to the revelations but he felt unable to confront them.

++ GPs vote for 9-5 day ++ Anyone who gets ill out of hours will be totally out of luck ++ So think on, you ailing customers ++

The once respected Bristol University is now busy confecting slavery links for an orgy of renaming of buildings so that it can be seen as a 21st century institution that is steeped in Xclusion.
Those whom the Gods wish to destroy . . .

Unbound!
Sirk Reepy Smarmer seems to be dropping hints that Labour will not be publishing a manifesto for the next general selection.
   His reluctance to be tied to specifics confirms received wisdom that Labour never delivers on its promises and making them is a waste of time.
   Not that wasting time when taxpayers are paying for it is anything that ever bothers politicians.

WEEK 5    Putin the ‘fun’ in fungicide

 
Sherie’s Smarmer RoundUp
“Sirk Reepy, I read, tries to make a virtue of having no fixed beliefs and principles as it allows him to pretend to believe anything that he thinks will get him elected.” Barry Kobummer
“A loser on Brexit and a loser on everything else.” Cleaver Demsk
“This is the man who positioned himself with Labour mugs as Corbynstein Mk II to get where he is now.” Kristal Cave
“He's basically a con man. He'll tell you something and if you don't buy it, he'll tell you the opposite. It's the Groucho Marx Filmic School of Politics—If you don't like these principles, I have plenty more.” Alvice Redd
“He can lie to all of the people all of the time, to misquote A. Lincohen. He's a grifter and a spiv and nothing more.” Hot Morgan
“Trying to tax private schools out of existence is just another example of the ludicrous left trying to stop others from following the same route as some of their posher examples.” Dai O'Bolical

The Inflation Egermency was caused by the Bonk of England printing too much funny money—sez Lord King, a former honcho.

SNF: The Packers in Philadelphia
The Eagles got a TD from their opener, and picking off Rodgers set up another for 0-13. One back for the Pack, then they stopped the Eagles on a 4th & inches!! And went on to take the lead with a TD, 14-13. One for the PE to start Q2, 14-20. A pick by the PE was matched by a fumble recovery by GB, TD from it, the PAT was bogged, 20-all. Time enuff left for a last minute TD, 20-27 at the half.
   The Eagles went 20-34 up 8 minutes in to Q3. GB kicked a FG after 13 minutes, 23-34. One for the PE in Q4, 23-37. Rodgers went off, dinged, enter Love to fire a pass to 9 Watson, who went 63 yards for a TD and 30-37. A FG each made the final score 33-40.
   Looks like the Eagles have a red-hot offense that more than makes up for the Swiss cheese D.

Swimming against the tide
Our Greater Manchester Chief Constable is telling his minions to stop splatting about on Twatter and get on with actual police work. But the big problem is that most of them have been skiving for so long that they no longer recall what they're supposed to do.

No morals
Chancellor Hunt is ordering everyone to cut their energy useage by 15.37% to prevent someone like Putrid the Poisoner from using gas as a blackmail weapon. Wot about using coal-fired power stations to bridge any gaps? Silence.
   He has also admitted taxing growth out of the economy, possibly as his revenge on a nation that didn't give him a turn as PM.
   About all he seems to grasp on the economics front is that trying to overtax the rich to satisfy vindictive elements of the ludicrous left doesn't raise money as the rich always move their cash elsewhere.
   Which doesn't necessarily stop him from doing it as a pointless political gesture.

You can't please all the people all the time. Air conditioning the football stadia in Katar down from 30-40 deg.C to 19 deg.C on the pitch is fine for the players, who are running around, but NG for fans, who are feeling the need to don a woolly jumper.

Sirk Smarmer is not in favour of a 2nd independence referendum in Scotland sooner than a generation after the last one. Unless there are Labour votes to be had in Scotland by endorsing the idea, of course.

What have they been smoking?
Alleged Xperts in the Untied States are claiming that putting a child in the same room as an unopened bottle of wine or spirits condemns the child to a life as a hopeless alcoholic.

Sunday: the Bengals @ the Titans
The defences were in charge in Q1. The Titans started Q2 in the red zone, FG only. A 47 yarder in replay, 3-all. The Titans began a monumental play at their 25. Henry almost made it to the CB end zone, he fumbled the ball into it and a team mate bagged it for the TD, 3-10 after 4 minutes. The Bengals levelled things up in the 14th minute, leaving the TT time to miss a FG try.
   There was an exchange of FGs in Q3. The Bengals went ahead with a TD in the 2nd minute of Q4, 2013. A huge pass play plus a penalty got the TT to the CB 7, just a FG. The Titans kicked a FG for 20-16. The Bengals set up for one but got a first down from a penalty on the Titans. Victory formation, the end.

It’s now US vs the GMB!
Westmonster Council has decided that the BLAME Bunchers & Asians form a global majority (GM), which makes toast of their former oppressed minority alibi.
   From now on, white folks are the oppressed minority and entitled to do anything they like (that's legal) to resist persecution & Xploitation by the GM Bunch (GMB) & their ludicrous allies.

++ Health unions complain of bandit capitalism over PPE contracts ++ Their victims complain of bandit communism over wage demands ++ Result: 1-all draw ++

Q: If GPs want to cut their working hours from 8:30-6:30 down to 9-5, that will mean a 28% pay cut. How much will this save the nation?
A: Nowt as they will Xpect the same money for their reduced working day; which is a sneaky way of blagging a 28% pay rise.

No shame, as long as it takes
Wee Sterny Burgeon is blowing £1.5 MILLION per year of taxpayers' cash on employing 25 civil servants to plot her independence scam.

Wee Bee's attempts to equate Scotland with Catalonia are a load of BS, the Catalans have admitted. Their territory has never been allowed to have an official independence referendum. Burneystan had one in 2014 and the customers voted not to leave the UK—a decision which was supposed to be good for a generation, not until Wee Bee got a presidential itch in her pants.

MNF: the Steelers @ the Colts
The Steelers kicked a 45 yard FG. A pick late in Q1 put them on course for another a minute into Q2, 6-0. A TD for N. Harris put them 13-0 up. That woke up the Colts' offence, who managed a FG. A pick got the Steelers to the red zone, almost a TD, FG, 16-3.
   Flowers returned the Q3 kick off to the PS 19!! TD run by Taylor, 16-10. The Colts set up for a FG but the Steelers gave them a 1st down, DPI to the 1, then they fumbled the ball away. Nowt from it for the PS. The Colts got back to & goal and a TD for Pittman put them 16-17 ahead.
   A TD for Snell, +2, put the Steelers 24-17 up 5 minutes in to Q4. Lotz of defence. The Colts ended up at a 4th & 3 @ the PS 37 with 30 seconds left. Out on downs. The end.

Iran's official terrorists, the Basij, have an interesting tactic for discouraging anti-government protests—blinding the protesters.
   Hospitals are being overwhelmed wherever the people dare to try to make themselves heard.

++ Chinese tell Pres. Shish to get lost, shock-horror ++ Response to policy of locking people in burning buildings ++ No chance of anyone in Peking taking any notice ++

Below the line mission statement: Some of the above is true. BFN is recognized as a premiere class observational blog and a multiple winner of the OB of the Year award.
   We are constantly exposed to dodgy conclusions drawn from dodgy data by the 'experts', especially those found in the world of politics and especially those at the Treasury and in opposition. Some of us civilians at BFN like to join in to let them know that anyone can do it and we ain't impressed by their efforts.

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Created for Romiley Anarchists' League by workers in revolt against oppression to set the record straight in the 3rd millennium. © RAL, November MM22 like anyone cares.