BlackFlag News
 
 2014/October 
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Public Service Advice: For maximum comprehension, customers are advised to read our words from left to right and in the order in which they are presented. Please keep your eyes open whilst reading or you might miss something.

 ENERGY SCAM 

It's the way he tells them
Energy Sec. E. Davey has guaranteed that there will be no power blackouts this winter. But what does this mean? One thing we can be sure of is that if there are any blackouts, they will be due to circumstances beyond his control and Davey won't resign. Oh, no! They never do any more.
   So what is his plan? If there isn't enough power to go around, there will be voltage reductions, which will cause brown-outs and dimmed lights and lethal damage to some electrical devices such as computers. And with this equipment out of action, the demand for electricity will be reduced until the owners of the wrecked equipment have bought replacements and Davey will have bought a temporary reprieve.
   Does this plan sound monumentally cynical? Well, we have to remember that Davey has bought the Great Global Warming Swindle and considers it a licence to pull any stunt on the taxpayer, no matter how damaging.

 HEALTH NEWS 

Why is every Ed in politics an idiot if he's Lib. or Lab.?
Energy Sec. E. Davey (Liberal) is trying to cause an epidemic of fool poisoning by bribing hotels to turn down the wick on refrigerators in the name of meeting boneheaded EU Global Warming Swindle targets and the illusion of saving the planet from an imaginary threat, which is promoted only by swindlers and business sharks and crooked or deluded politicians.

 COVER-UP NEWS 

Secrecy at any cost.
An inquest on 13-month-old Poppy Worthington delivered an open verdict and the coroner called her death Strange and Unusual. She died 2 years ago and the inquest lasted just 7 minutes. Now, Cumbria council and the local police are desperately trying to conceal the names of every person and every official agency involved. To cover up what? Neglect of duty? Incompetence? Attempts to pervert the course of justice? Misconduct in office? This is not the country we want to be living in.

 BIGOT NEWS 

Weak at the knees and weak in the head
A patriotic video of English achievements, made to inspire the English rugby union squad, has been locked in a vault because the mealy mouthed bosses of the RFU have decided that any display of English patriotism could upset a few rabid Scottish nationalists, who are looking for any excuse to riot after their own countrymen (and women) let them down by rejecting independence.

space news
 SPACE NEWS 

Mars fly-by

Comet Siding Spring did a fly-by of Mars this month, zipping past the red planet at a mere 88,000 miles above the surface. The comet, under half a mile in diameter and travelling at 35 miles per second, showered the planet in dust from its tail and all orbiting spacecraft were manoeuvred to shelter behind the planet to avoid damage from tiny bits travelling at lethal speed.

Home at last


After two years in space, the top-secret X-37B Orbital Test Vehicle has landed "somewhere in California". The unmanned spacecraft has returned from its third and longest mission and it is supposed to be investigating the concepts of reuseable space vehicle technologies. The mission, run by the US Air Force, is generally assumed to have involved spying on the spacecraft launched by China in addition to any other little jobs the air force performed..

 TECH NEWS 

Contour electronics
Apple's latest gimmick is a tablet computer which is being marketed as the slimmest ever. The only snag is that it is likely to prove to be as bendy as the new Apple phones and end up looking like one of the watches in a Salvador Dali.
Sales of vinyl albums are shooting up and up as more and more customers discover that analogue music beats the pants off the horrible things that so-called recording companies do to the digital sound on CDs.

Honesty in printing, at last? Not quite.
The manufacturers of inkjet printers have been ripping customers off forever. Now, Epson is breaking ranks by offering printers with refillable reservoirs! In fact, they're reversing the current trend to printers given away almost for free so that the customer can be charged a bomb for consumables. The Epson printers will cost quite a lot, as they are printer/copier/scanners rather than straight printers, and the refills will be relatively cheap. So the customer will end up no better off in the end.
Cynics are already claiming that the system is nothing new and has been available for most printers for years. Really?

 ELECTION NEWS 

Don't mention the Miliband
The Labour party has come up with a super new strategy for winning the next election – everyone will pretend that Red Ed is nothing to do with them and no one will ever mention his name. It seems to be working for Tory candidates who omit all reference to Dave the Leader from their literature.

What's on TV tonight?
The ritual TV "debates" before the next general election might not happen. If UKIP gets in, all of the other minors; Greens, Plaid, etc.; want in and the shrinking Liberals are moaning because they are too small to appear in all of the shows.

Who's doing all the moaning and gnashing of teeth?
What does it take to get Gordon Broon, the invisible man, back to the House of Common Criminals? Self-interest – opposing the concept of only English MPs voting on issues which affect only England. No prizes for guessing that Wee Gordy is Scottish.

The next SNP leader, another breed of fish who will take over when Mr. Salmonella finally extracts his nose from the trough, has denied that her nickname is Gnasher because she looks like Dennis the Menace's dog.

Mrs. Clammity Clegg reckons the way to get ahead is to 'fake it'. Didn't work for her old man when he tried to fake honesty, sincerity and promises to do things if put in power.

Free and fair elections? Not here, mate!
The electoral register, which will be used for next year's general election, has been scrutinized and found wanting. It does not include 8.5 million people who are entitled to vote, and it has 6,000,000 false entries: people who have died or moved from the address listed, and known fraudulent registrations, which have not been removed.

Does anyone like Red Ed?
Tony B. Liar has let it be known that he thinks Labour can't win the next election with Milipede, E., in charge. (Although, he's now denying it; but he would, wouldn't he?) Two Jags Prescott appears to share this view. (Although, communication isn't his strong suit.) Also, the leader of Scottish Labour, Johann Sebastian Lamont, is quitting after she got a lambasting over Labour's shambolic handling of the independence referendum, and taking the opportunity to stick a knife in Red Ed's back as she slinks into the shadows.

Have they no shame? Apparently not.
7 former Labour MPs and 2 Liberals, who were deselected in 2010 for expenses swindles, are being given another chance to dump their noses into the trough next year. Their respective parties, it would seem, have no problem with having a few more bad hats in their ranks.

 TRAVEL NEWS 


All Quiet on the Eastern Front
The FIA was forced to order the F1 teams to remain totally silent and still when the local national anthem was played at the Russian Grand Prix to avoid unscheduled shooting incidents by representatives of the Putinocracy.
   "When you've strolled off with forty billion quid of your country's assets through a whole gang of dodgy deals, paying £100 million for a Grand Prix is just deploying pocket change."

Don't mention the war? We didn't. Who did?
Strange that Argentina, which is supposed to be so sensitive about the war they lost to us in 1982, would manufacture such a flimsy numberplate excuse to whinge about it and become a laughing stock by whipping up a mob of looneys to drive J. Clarkson and his BBC programme-makers out of their country. This is typical of a failing state – any old distraction from what the useless regime is doing. Sounds like it's time for The Sun to tell them to "Stick It Up Your Junta" again!

Why won't the government screen travellers for ebola,
the world-killer plague?

Because the public sector appears to be blessed with managers who are totally useless. They have no organizational skills and their first response to a new task is to ask if there's a bonus involved. The best these geniuses have been able to come up with is asking people questions, to which the answer could be a lie, and nothing more.
Ebola screening is being done at airports, but only on people who volunteer to be tested are getting the business. So a total shambles and waste of time; but the government is doing it, so what do you expect?

The Red Bull company has been stung for $13 million to ward off a class action for false advertising after claiming that its energy drink "gives you wings". The company suspected that a court would agreed that it doesn't.

Something has to be going on
Why would the Saudi government make Network Rail the preferred bidder for a contract to advise them on how to improve their railways? Especially after NR was fined £53 MILLION in Britain in July for failing to meet punctuality targets.
The company, and its debts of £33 BILLION, are now part of the public sector after the EU refused to accept Gordon Broon's pretence that it is a not-for-profit company with debts guaranteed by the government as part of his strategy for lying about the Brown Hole he was creating in Britain's finances.

Try to run a (half) marathon in Peking and what do you get? A severe case of smog poisoning.

France is plain useless
The British government gave a few millions of British taxpayers' money to the French to help them deport the mob of illegals infesting Calais. But what did the French spend the money on? A day centre for the trouble-makers.

 EU NEWS 

What so proudly we hailed
BFN takes little pleasure in unveiling the new EU flag, which will be flown constantly from all EU buildings in all EU member states. It will serve to remind everyone what a bunch of tossers the Eurocrats are. Lest we forget, a new EU fertilizer directive has obliged Bavarian farmers to put nappies on their cows, and created a whole new washing and waste disposal industry. Hail the EU, bone is thy head!

Spot the difference
Eurocrats and their stooges, like Clammity Clegg, are warning that Britain will be marginalized on the world stage if we leave the EU. But will that be a bad thing? That British politicians are obliged to deal with problems here instead of ignoring British troubles whilst they pretend to put the rest of the world to rights?
   And what is the difference between Britain out of the EU and no one listening and Britain in the EU and no one listening? Which is exactly what is going on now.

Salvation is at hand, or Balls to the EU
The answer to the EU's extortionate demand for a further €2 BILLION is obvious – let Labour in at the next election and Britain will soon be so broke, thanks to Balls' Bungling, that we will qualify for a 200% rebate on our EU contributions.

 DOSH NEWS 
Farqi Nell writes:

HMRC? Still Rubbish
HMRC is still sending out incorrect tax bills, and they're going to people who think they are corrections of a previously wrong bill. Tens of thousands of customers are affected by this on-going bungle.
No HMRC bonuses will be affected, of course.

Where's Wonga?
Writing off £220 MILLION in mis-sold loans, which might explain the lack of TV adverts with their cuddly puppets ranting on about sliders (and not mentioning the 6,000% APR interest). It would appear that loan firms have the same sort of record for giving regulators worthless assurances of responsibility as the banks.

Pointless Green taxes are costing the nation £43 BILLION per years.

Ed's talking Balls again
One of the architects of the deficit and the ruination of the economy under Bliar & Broon is claiming that his mansion tax would raise billions for the NHS. Fine. The only problems is that Labour's record in office tells us that they won't spend the money on anything useful and we'll end up with more scandals and unnecessary deaths – as at Stafford hospital and elsewhere – and more tax and waste scams, like Gordon Broon's PFI swindle on the taxpayer.

Labour still isn't working
The English NHS is under further strain from health tourists – from Wales, where the NHS is run, disastrously, by Labour. Cancer patients, in particular, are fleeing life-ending delays in Wales but heart patients are also realizing that their only hope of survival lies in heading for England. Naturally, the Welsh government is blocking an inquiry by the OECD for impure party political reasons as the results could come out before the next election and provide further proof that Red Ed's NHS promises are just fantasies at best and downright lies at worst.

Crime News
 CRIME NEWS 
Mafia MacEye writes:
Thumb-twiddlers

The National Crime Agency is turning out to be a very paedophile-friendly gang. When provided with information about British paedophiles by police forces abroad, such as the Canadian police, the NCA just sits on it. Do nothing and get paid for it. Ain't life grand in the public sector!

Who needs elected law-makers when we have judges and coppers to make them up?
No one was surprised to learn that the police are abusing the RIPA to obtain information illegally. The Regulation of Investigatory Powers Act is a botched bit of New Labour national security legislation, which has been much abused by local councils. And, it has been revealed, police "services" are also abusing it – to hack the phones of journalists. Will there be dawn raids on the homes of cheap constables with a BBC helicopter hovering overhead? Don't hold your breath.

What do you have to do not to get "one last chance"?
Serial criminal and drug-addict M. Dwyer got yet another "one last chance" when he was hauled up in front of Judge Landale, T., this month. This is the fourth "last chance" that Dwyer has received, and he's only 31. The Guinness Book of Records is standing by to create some new world records when he finally retires from his criminal career.

More secret police
Five Greater Manchester police officers have been granted anonymity at the inquest on a man, who died after being tasered. There are no valid grounds for the identities of these officers to be hidden from public knowledge, and the Independent Police Complaints Commission, which is investigating the case but expected to report long after the inquest is over, will be challenging the coroner's irregular decision. As will the dead man's mother and the Press.

Rogue judges challenged
The Home Sec., T. May, has backed the Court of Appeal into a corner to quell abuse of New Labour's Human Rights Act. As a result, a Chinese criminal will be deported after the Court of Appeal was forced to overturn his bogus claim to a family life. One down, hundreds to go.

New ideas, please
A crackdown on bogus claims for whiplash injuries has seen the amount of cash paid out by insurance companies fall by one-third. Looks like the Flywheels and Shysters will have to dream up another scam to maintain their lifestyle . . .

world news
 WORLD NEWS 

Sounds of barrels being scraped
Jeremy Clarkson does a programme for the BBC in Argentina which involves using a rented car with the number plate H982 FKL and that's something to do with the Falklands war? [Which the Argies lost, to us, and as a result, their country was freed from domination by an evil military junta.. Ed.] You'd have to be pretty desperate for something to moan about to buy that. Oh, yes, but the Argies are like that, aren't they?

Another reason to walk away
The Europeon Court of 'Uman Rights, which has no mandate to do so, has awarded the right to belong to a trade union to all members of Europe's armed forces. The case was brought by a French soldier. His government is expected to ignore the ruling. Let us hope ours has the good sense to do the same.

France has been promoted. It is no longer "The Sick Man of Europe. It is now officially "The Sick Man of the World". The Galaxy next?

Are Tom & Jerry cartoons are racist? Only to PC Looney Lefties, who want to cover up history's piano legs and rewrite it to satisfy their own twisted prejudices.

And another one goes the way of all flesh
The boss of God TV has given himself the sack because he's had "a moral failure". He's obviously a Democrap, who thinks that the rules on marriage apply only to other people.

A period of silent gloriousness
Latest reports suggest that North Korean leader K.J. Un has been put in a medically induced coma to facilitate extreme weight loss. A review of his haircut is also in progress. His generals are trying to pick one which puts their benighted country in a positive light.

Ice Menace
Forget ebola, the Sunday Post (Scotland's favourite newspaper) has found that cinemas across the country are putting ice containing potentially lethal bacteria in the fizzy drinks sold at the accessories counter.

In North Korea, watching foreign soap operas is a crime which books the perp an appointment with a firing squad, apparently.

Public Service Announcement

He's been called the Blogger of the Decade

His intellect is matched only by the size of his luck and the size of his bank balance. And yet he manages to keep his Feet On The Ground with the greatest of ease. Do yourself a favour and find out what Xavier has had to say about what's going on Right Now!

 CLIMATE NEWS 

global warming sloganOne more for the nuthouse
The British Medical Journal has abandoned any pretence that it is in touch with the real world and embraced the Great Global Warming Swindle. The BMJ would have us believe that global warming is a threat which makes things like ebola and the prospect of another brain-dead Labour government pale into triviality.
Under new press honesty regulations, future editions of the BMJ may well be required to bear a prominent "Reality Not Included" sticker on the front cover.

global warming sloganTwisted Twister Story
The usual suspects are blaming this month's tornadoes in Cheshire, Cumbria and Derbyshire on global warming, hoping that no one will notice that none has gone on since 1998. Storm chasers on the M53 had a good view of a twister crossing their bows near Bromborough and the one in Derbyshire was a roof-buster.

Red Ed Milipede's Climate Change Act (2008) will waste £1,300,000,000,000 of taxpayers' cash between now and 2050 if it is not repealed.

Due to the effects of global warming, a half-time meat pie at a football ground now costs 4 quid.

global warming sloganAny old distraction
Climate change is still getting the blame for spreading European diseases and pests in Britain. The implication, of course, is that if the Global Warming Swindlers get lots of lovely money, they'll put everything back the way it was and all the problems will go away. Wrong. The real problem is mobility; of people and goods. Human beings travelling here are bringing nasties from the Continent and people here have been sold diseased trees, etc., by spivs in Europe. Pretending to change the climate will have no effect at all on moving masses of people and plain, ordinary crime.

No thanks to the EU

Home News
 HOME NEWS 
UK Flag

We just knew it was bound to happen
The DVLA abolishes paper tax discs for vehicles and what happens – the website and the phone system both collapse on the first day of the new regime. But hey, it's a government scheme and long, bitter experience has taught us that the government is always totally crap in the organization department. So, sadly, are the private sector outfits brought in on overpaid contracts.

Conference Claptrap
The Tories reckon they will couple rights with responsibilities to prevent foreign criminals from avoiding deportation by claiming a right to family life, especially when they have no contact with the alleged family. So why did Dave not think of this sooner? Or his predecessors? Or New Labour?

Liberal lunatics
"Carbon is the enemy" was the slogan proclaimed by some well-lunched person at their conference. So when are the Liberals planning to attack China and India for shoving vast amounts of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere from their coal-fired power stations? Amounts which make Red Ed's Climate Change Act (2008) a nonsense? And how many microseconds will they last when they make a suicide attack on the "polluters" before Clegg and the half-dozen idiots with him are blown to carbon dioxide?

Get the OuiJa board out!
The Home Office has refused to issue visitor visas for a choir of Ugandan orphan children because they didn't provide letters of consent from their parents.

First of a new Few?
Labour became Klingons in this month's Heywood by-election after UKIP ate their majority. Meanwhile, in Clacton, Tory turned UKIPer D. Carswell held on to his seat very comfortably after an unusually high turn-out of 51% in the by-election there. He now goes down in the history books as the first ever UKIP MP.

The Tory and Labour leaders are saying that lessons will be learnt from their by-election humiliations at the hands of UKIP this month. But their past performance, when it comes to listening, suggests that this is just usual BS from usual suspects.

One or the other
A Turkish man is on trial after he was found to be in possession of a memory stick with bomb-making details on it and Tony B. Liar's address (well, one of the many) on a piece of paper. It is not yet clear whether he is to be charged with a terrorism offence or considered for an award of some kind.
At the mainly secret trial, part of the prosecution case is that he may have been planning an attack on an "individual of significance". So does that mean the rest of us, who aren't Tony B. Liar, are individuals of no significance? Flaming cheek!

Diversity Dunces
The BBC is going out of its way to recruit performers who are unable to pronounce the letter 'H' properly. A BBC mouthpiece claimed that its 'haitch' cult is proof of the organization's diversity credentials. Well, it certainly proves something, if only that perversity rulz at the Beeb rather than anything useful or educational.

Public Service Announcement

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 SKY NEWS 

Why are the staff so useless?
One of the drivers in the Japanese Grand Prix was badly injured when he slid off the track and crashed into a vehicle which was removing another car, which had gone off at the same spot in heavy rain shortly before. Sky Sports cancelled the afternoon replay of the race, even though its footage did not contain this crash, allegedly as a favour to the injured driver's family.
   But Sky Sports failed to inform its viewers about what it had done. It would have been easy to put an on-screen caption below the tedious repeats of not terribly interesting stuff, which went on and on and bloody on. Just a brief notice saying the regular programming had been cancelled and why.
   Cancellations happen all the time on Sky, which was recently bragging that it has been around for 20 years. Or was that 25 years? But in all that time, Sky has yet to learn the simple courtesy of telling the people from whom it has grabbed cash why it is failing to deliver the service paid for. For a company which is supposed to be in the communications industry, Sky would have to make a tremendous effort to reach even a pathetic standard of customer information.

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