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 2014/November 
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world news
 WORLD NEWS 

Here’s a thing!
2% of Scots believe in Red Ed but 24% of them believe in Nessie, the Loch Ness monster. Which is also the percentage of Scots voters who support Labour. . .

With one bound . . .
The sacked president of Egypt, H. Mubarak, has been cleared of all corruption charges. Which means that he and his family and their pals can keep all of the cash which mysteriously found its way into their secret bank accounts.

The government has come up with a brilliant new scam for EU migrants – they will be required to sign in at a police station, which means they'll be far too busy looking for one to claim any benefits.

Romiley News
ROMILEY NEWS

 DEPARTURES 

  Marion Turner


Marion Eadie's family had to survive hard times in the depression of the 1930s. As editor of the journal of the Junior Astronomical Association, of which she was a founder member and president, she was an early publisher of work by Arthur C. Clarke – long before he became famous. Another of her writers was her husband-to-be: an astronomy, rocketry and science fiction fan called Harry Turner.
   Marion and Harry married in the early part of World War II. They raised three boys in the aftermath of the war. Marion became one of the first female science fiction writers to sell work to a professional magazine in the 1940s. She resumed her writing career four decades on, writing serious (rather than 'girlie') stories for magazines published by D.C. Thomson: over 500 scripts sold over a 20-year period.
   Marion's interest in astronomy, space travel and languages continued. She was able to witness the 1973 total solar eclipse from a cruise ship, and she was there in Cornwall for the clouded-over 1999 eclipse. She also found time to learn French, Spanish and Mandarin Chinese in her mature years.
   Marion and her family arrived in Romiley in 1954. She and Harry remained here for the rest of their days. Marion departed this life 60 years on at the age of 96.

 HEALTH NEWS 

Your death in their hand?
Hospitals are hiring nurses from Spain and Portugal who have little command of the English language. They can't fill in forms or communicate with patients, but that's not a problem. The recruiters fill in forms for them and quite how the nurses will manage when confronted with forms and customers in a hospital cannot be mentioned. Why not? Because, under EU regulations, they don't have to be able to speak English because "it would restrict their freedom of movement".
   BTW The nurses are fully qualified in the nursing trade. It's just that they can't communicate with the people here.

 SALES NEWS 

Yobbism @ Black Friday sales not as bad as feared
The TV news was full of shoppers behaving like drunken yobs at the sales on the last Friday of the month, but police statistics for the day were strangely similar to those for the day before.
   It would appear that the nation's police "services" have adopted another New Labour tactic – instead of inventing bogus statistics, they just reissue an old set of figures and claim that they are new ones. As New Labour re-announced spending plans and claimed that they were talking about new money.

 CONSPIRACY NEWS 

Could Formula One have survived had Hamilton not won the title?
The latest from the rumour mill is that the F1 bosses had a lot of words with their opposite numbers at the Mercedes team and Rosberg was told that his time would come later. Hence his shaky start to the Bahrain Grand Prix, which let Hamilton zoom off into the distance, and his engine and brake problems, which dropped him down the order enough to ensure that Hamilton would take the title even if he failed to finish the race.
   Rumour has it that Rosberg was told that the high life would end very abruptly if the public turned their backs on F1, and he saw the sense of making an investment for the future. And rumour also has it that the chump who came up with the terminally stupid idea of double points for the last race of the season is for the chop.

The public does have an interest, after all
Surprise! Sun journalist C. Hartley has been cleared of corrupting a civil servant, who leaked Budget information to her. Her defence – that she was just doing her job by getting the info before it was distorted by Labour's spin machine – was accepted by the court!

 DOSH NEWS 
Farqi Nell writes:

No way, José!
The Chancellor has forced the blunder-prone HMRC to do U-turns on some of its plans to grab money directly from the bank accounts of alleged non-taxpayers. The management of HMRC has a record of incompetence such that it cannot be trusted not to create more disasters and injustices.

Gimme the money
The NHS is to continue to sell patients' medical records to private companies even though there is a long history of abuse of the information. The management of the Health and Social Care Information Centre, it seems, is not bovvered by such details.

The Balls Mansion Tax has been exposed as a plot to steal the homes of pensioners. How very Gordie Broon and New Labour.

 WHITEWASH NEWS 

Did anyone ever expect anything different?
FIFA's "investigation" into the bids for the 2018 and 2022 world cups has cleared Russia and Qatar of corruption, but slagged off England. Even FIFA's chief investigator has disowned the whitewash. Not that it will make the slightest difference to the way FIFA does sleaze instead of honest business.

Q: Which is more corrupt, FIFA or the European Commission?
A: Actually, it's impossible to tell.

No wonder the police are held in such contempt
The West Midlands police "service" tried to conceal the identities of a gang of convicted Asian sex groomers on spurious 'uman rights grounds. Apparently, the rights of criminals remain paramount and putting the public in danger from anonymous criminals doesn't amount to misconduct in a public office.

Lies, damn lies and Red Ed Milipede
When asked what he thinks when he sees a white van parked outside a house, Red Ed would like us to believe its ‘Respect'. Really? Not: ‘I hope he's not parked on the pavement, blocking it' or even: ‘There's a white van' or even no reaction at all because it's just a white van and there are lots of them around.
   Red Ed's ludicrous lie confirms that he's just another of Labour's professional lefty luvvies, who have no contact with the real world and no concept of what happens in it.

Cosy stitch-up
South Yorkshire Police and the BBC could end up on the wrong end of legal action by Sir C. Richard over the staged-for-TV fishing expedition at his Berkshire residence. It is said that documents which both organizations were obliged to surrender to a Parliamentary committee show clear evidence of collusion and spin-doctored attempt to conceal the cosy relationship between the Beeb and SYP.

 WAR NEWS 

Bear! Beware!
Pres Vlad the Putin is reviving the Cold War tactic of sending Russian bombers to hover at the edge of our air-space, forcing the RAF to put a couple of fighters into the air to see them off. The poor chap is clearly running short of amusements.

Oh, how embarrassing! The stooges who have put on the "this is what a feminist looks like" tee-shirts have all been embarrassed by the revelation that they were made in sweat-shops in which the staff were paid about 3p/hour. No doubt the wimmin on the New Quiz, among others who were going on about it, will feel a bit foolish. (But don't count on it.)

Infamy, Infamy, they've all got it in for me!
Red Ed can see conspirators around every corner now. The poor lad has flipped his wig under the strain of pretending that nothing is wrong with the Labour party whilst his ratings plunge to new lows. And yet, he would have us believe that "plotters" are ganging up on him to keep him out of Downing Street. [They're called the electorate, mate. Ed.] His Hampstead bubble is now Conspiracy Central and the local shops have run out of aluminium foil for making radiation-proof hats.

Covering the rear end
The Metropolitan Police "service" has commissioned a study of the available types of buttock armour. It seems that senior officers are worried that female (or even male) staff who have had a buttock implant might sue if some drunk gives them a hefty kick up the bum and the implant explodes.
Gender-neutral upper-body armour will also be available to both female officers who have had a ridiculous boob job and also to obese male officers with enormous 'moobs'.

Idle days
It's official: we now have a Zombie Parliament. MPs have been told they don't have to show up on Thursdays any more. They are already not working on Fridays and Monday mornings. But the good news is that even though they are "working" only a 2½ day week, they will still get their full whack of pay out of the taxpayer's pocket. Plus expenses, of course.

They're not still listening
UKIP, as predicted, wiped the floor with the other parties in a by-election at Rochester and Strood. The sitting Tory MP, M. Reckless, triggered the election by defecting. The Liberals received just a humiliating 349 votes, and their percentage to the poll was deemed too small to be worth calculating.

Respec'
Ed Milipede has come up with a plan to fix the damage caused by his sacked attorney general substitute's sneering at a supporter of England's football team. He is determined to prove that Labour has stopped feeling contempt for people who don't live in Islington or Hampstead, and who have actually had a proper job outside politics.
   Every candidate for next year's general election will be required to get a visible Cross of St. George tattoo and, in recognition of Ed's love of them, all campaigning will be done from white vans rather than battle buses.

 CLIMATE NEWS 

global warming sloganWe're all doomed
The UN's posse of Global Warming Swindlers is on the verge of launching a new wave of scare stories based on spurious data generated by computer models, which fail miserably to describe what is happening in the real world because . . . they are programmed to produce scare stories. "Could" features heavily in the awful predictions about global warming, which isn't happening and hasn't happened since 1998, and which the GWS industry has decided is almost entirely man-made. "Will" does not appear.

global warming sloganUN to declare Red Ed an endangered species?
Labour backbenchers, worried about losing a soft job next year, are plotting to get rid of their feckless leader, we are told. And Bonfire Night is being thrown in to the mix to give the plot a seasonal note. Next thing you know, we'll have Sky and the WWFN running TV ads and asking people to donate 3,000 quid per month to help them save Red Ed and his habitat!

global warming sloganWas it all worth it? Of course not!
Spending thousands of pounds to save money via Green deals has been a hollow sham, the energy minister's minions have been forced to admit. Official figures from the fief of E. Davey (Liberal, GWS) now show that it will take twice as long as promised to pay for new, Green appliances, and the energy savings afterwards will be one-half of those promised.

global warming sloganMore doom and gloom
Cheese on toast is becoming extinct, one of those studies that looks in to such things has found. A spokesperson for the UN blamed global warming and urged the British government to go for a negative-carbon economy and double its UN contribution.

Home News
 HOME NEWS 
UK Flag

In a huff (or a minute & a huff)
N. Baker, the Liberal crime promotion minister @ the Home Office, has quit in a fit of pique after his plan to make drug use legal, if not compulsory, was booted into touch by ’er in charge and her ungrateful allies.

Out of the same box as Global Warming Swindlers?
Prof. C. Dustmann is claiming that migrants from the EU have benefitted the British economy to the tune of £20 BILLION. Which sounds wonderful until you realize that this is the same academic who predicted that just 13,000 migrants per year would come here from Eastern Europe when the true figure was more like 200,000/year. Also, he has used Gordon Brown's trick of dropping all sorts of negative factors out of his sums. So, like the GWS, he seems to have chosen a solution and picked only those facts which got him to it. Nice work if you can get it.

No premium on business sense, then?
The Royal Bank of Scotland has decided to award its customers the title "Mx"** to avoid offence to those who don't know if they are male or female. Mr, Mrs and Ms will all be ditched. Apparently, giving offence to the vast majority who do know which sex they are doesn't bother the forward-thinking management @ RBS.
** For the benefit of the curious, Mx stands for Mixed-up.

Islington snob gets bullet
Labour's millionaire socialist attorney general, E. Thornberry, has been given the push. She upset Red Ed by making snotty remarks on anti-social meeja about a house decorated with two Cross of St. George flags. Labour is happy to be the anti-English party as long as no one dares to admit it in an overt display of lefty snobism.
The anti-English racialists @ Ofsted have refused to give a small rural school at Middle Rasen, Lincs, the "outstanding" rating which it deserves because it has no pupils who don't have English as a second language. Mainly because there are few foreign migrants in the area. But common sense has never had anything much to do with the casual racialism shown by members of the lefty quangocrats club.

You're all doomed!
The police are trying to create panic in the streets by plastering alarmist posters everywhere. They warn people to run and hide if they hear gunfire. Or a loud noise? [Nice to know that The Cuts have had no effect on the police budget. Ed.]

Crime News
 CRIME NEWS 
Mafia MacEye writes:
All in the public interest, natch

Any MPs not already under investigation for pre-2010 expenses fraud can now breathe a sigh of relief. The Squeaker of the House of Common Criminals has had their files shredded on spurious Data Protection Act grounds. No one with more than 2 brain cells to rub together is buying it. Nevertheless, the guilty can go on pretending that they are as pure as the driven slush, and it's business as usual in the expenses industry.
   Informed opinion says this looks suspiciously like destroying evidence to protect the guilty. And it's even more suspicious when one remembers that the taxman requires people to keep business records for 6 years.

Native Americans? No, we don't buy that.
Earlier Americans? Yes, they were migrants, too.
Earlier Migrants? Yep, that's even more accurate.

"Set a thief to catch himself"? Will that work?
Luxembourg has been offering secret deals to megacorporations to let them avoid taxes for decades. Who was prime monster or finance minister whilst this was going on? One J.C. Juncker.
   Who has the European Commission appointed to investigate this sordid state of affairs? Its president, who happens to be one J.C. Juncker. So we can be assured of a quick and deadly process, which will expose the culprits to maximum public shame and imprisonment? Maybe not.
   p.s. This is somehow Britain's fault, according to the rest of the heads of govt. in the EU.

Headlines obtained, exit strategy begins
The first of the suspects of the "Remembrance Day terror plot" has been released without charge. The same is expected to happen for the other 3 in due course.

Nice to be above the law
The nation's police "services" are ignoring 20% of the crime reported to them, or making crimes disappear from their logs, and all in the name of meeting arbitrary targets. [And to ensure bonuses are paid? Ed.] Coalition ministers are claiming that crime has fallen by one-fifth during their reign. Now we know why: it's happening only because they are continuing New Labour's policy of fiddling the figures.
   T. May, the current Home Sec., thinks fiddling crime figures is "utterly unacceptable". Not criminally negligent, then? Or fraudulent? Or amounting to malpractice in a public office? Looks like coppers are like bankers; no matter what they do, they don't go to gaol.

On the job training
Police officers who have been convicted of a criminal offence are now entitled to accelerated promotion on account of having acquired relevant experience of crime.

Another cop-killer
A rookie police officer shot a 12-year-old boy, who had a replica gun in his waistband in a Cleveland playground. According to the initial reports, neither the cop nor his more experienced partner was threatened by the boy, who later died in hospital.

Same old same old
The Metropolitan Police have been trawling through illegally acquired phone records belonging to staff working for the Times group of newspapers. The offences are being investigated by the Information Commissioner and the Office of the Interception of Communications Commissioner. No dawn arrests of police officers are expected and it is anticipated that some whitewash will be hurled at the problem eventually.

space news
 SPACE NEWS 

Branson's space bubble popped

A test flight of SpaceShipTwo ended in an explosion and the death of one of the pilots. The other survived seriously injured. The man behind Virgin Everything has been offering people with $250,000 to spare a chance to fly to the edge of space for an increasing number of years. Creating a safe vehicle for passenger travel is not proving to be an easy task.

Mixed messages about the ESA lander Philae
The good news is that it did manage to land on the comet 67P/Churyumov-Gerasimenko. The bad news is that it didn't land where it was supposed to, the harpoons which were supposed to fix it firmly to the comet didn't work and it's in shadow. As a result, the solar panels are getting very little sunlight and the back-up battery will have to power the mission. And when its 60 hours are up, that's it. And with no anchors, drilling into the rocky surface of the comet without shoving the lander off it will be a major challenge.

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Far Queue List

Far Queue symbol J. Munroe, Labour luvvie, faux ordinary voter, benefits-by-choice and misty-eyed poverty blogger and hate campaigner.

Far Queue symbol The charity Save The Children after the US branch gave an award to the warmonger Tony B. Liar. He got the award for fighting child poverty and helping to create 1 million Afghan orphans.

Far Queue symbol “Far queue, far queue very much!” – Frank Zappa.

The Far Queue: the traditional parking place for everything "not wanted on voyage".

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Created for Romiley Anarchists' League by workers in revolt against oppression
to set the record straight in the 3rd millennium. © RAL, November MM14.