The Silly Season is back with a story dating back to 1957. Apparently, the military leaders of the US thought that the Russians would be intimidated if they fired an atom bomb to the Moon and let it off. The assault on our neighbour in space was planned for 1959 but called off after the Pentagon failed to get assurances that the rocket carrying the atom bomb wouldn't blow up on the launch pad, or shortly after launch, and contaminate a wide area of the United States with radioactive debris.
Lazard International has put Lord Mandelsleaze in charge of making its finances ethical. Are we expected to applaud the sense of humour?
If you're an MP, it's okay to rent out one single room to another MP at the price of renting a whole house because the expenses rules (which MPs created) say it's okay.
The chairman of the Commons committee on global warming, T. Yeo, sees nothing wrong with everyone paying an extra £3/week for over-subsidized "green" energy. But as he gets around £3,000/week from the power firms which collect the over-generous subsidies, he's bought and paid for rather than a person of integrity and impartiality.
Social workers for Rotherham council are claiming that anyone who is a member of UKIP is automatically classed as a supporter of racialism and an unsuitable carer, and removing foster children from anyone who is found to be a UKIP member. The UKIP leader, N. Farage, commented that this is typical of the bigotry of Labour-controlled councils.
Mirabile dictu, but 118 Tory MPs have dared to come out and say that Dave the Leader's obsession with same-sex marriage is just a bee in his bonnet and he should be getting on with more important matters, like saving us from thieving Eurocrats and the EU scrounger nations, particularly France.
Usual suspect political creatures are threatening to apply so-called equality to laws to the Church of England to force it to make women into bishops. But they aren't doing the same to the management of other religions, e.g. Islam and Roman Catholicism. Maybe it's time for the CoE to assert itself with an Inquisition or even some suicide bombers.
Some people will do anything to be noticed. Like the street furniture "engineers" employed by Stoke-on-Trent City Council. They strapped a litter bin to a lamp post cum bus stop with the mouth 7 feet in the air just so they could get a bit of publicity. [Which worked quite well. Ed.]
Is there enough money in the world to pay all the damages which Lord Alpine could expect to receive from the people who sleazed him? £185,000 from the BBC, £500,000 from ITV and then there's around 10,000 twits on Twitter who did some trolling . . . The legal industry must be rolling round on the floor, screaming with joy, at the thought of all the cash which will be going its way, but we can't help but enjoy a small glow of pleasure when the wheels come off for the self-righteous.
Are we really surprised to hear that just 20% of homes will have a real Xmas tree come the festering season? Given the relentless campaign against Christianity by the usual suspects, it's a wonder anyone dares to have one and takes the risk of being trolled. And fakes are so much easier to handle and they do have a lot more recycling potential.
The government is scrabbling frantically to come up with a body, having charged 5 Marines with the murder of an Afghan terrorist. Over 100 CSIs, MPs and army bodyguards are trawling the tribal badlands for the mystery dead guy. Even worse, they have no proof that the mystery victim of the alleged crime is actually dead.
Are you free to interview yourself, Mr. Humphreys?
If Dave the Leader has the slightest bit of decency about him, he'll ask HM the Queen for an instant and full Royal Pardon for S.A.S. Sgt. D. Nightingale, who is currently in gaol on a totally bogus charge of possessing a handgun, which was presented to him after his service in Iraq and before he went on to further service in Afghanistan.
UKIP has declared war on the Conservative Party, some of whose members wanted to form an alliance. The big problem for party leader N. Farage is Dave the Leader the Bigot, who thinks that UKIP members are "fruitcakes, loonies and closet racists". But the good news is that Mr. Farage is willing to open negotiations if the Tories dump Dave which, as it happens, is the future that most Tory party members would prefer.
The European Court of 'Uman Rights wants to pick another fight with the British government. This time, they want to abolish whole-life sentences for scumbag killers on the grounds that not giving the scumbag a chance to get out on parole amounts to cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment. Natch, the unqualified ECHR don't get that this is the exactly the sort of treatment that scumbags deserve if they can't be lynched.
Surprise! Death rates fall dramatically if hospitals are given a cash bonus if fewer patients die. That's the experience from the 24 NHS hospitals in the north-west, which are participating in the Advancing Quality programme.
So why didn't the government try this scheme, which is widely used in the United States, decades ago? And how does this square with the government paying hospitals to let patients croak along the Liverpool Pathway?
The present chancellor, some out of touch posh boy called Osborne, thinks messing about with the law on marriage to include same-sex couple, and maybe even multi-sex polygamy, is the way to win the next election for the Tories and the economy doesn't matter. Sounds like he needs to be locked in a dark cupboard until he gets back in touch with reality. [If he ever was in touch with it. Ed.]
Drivers of 4x4 vehicles are at risk of lethal overconfidence when they drive into floods of the sort which the South of England and the Midlands have been "enjoying" as this month runs out. Police, fire brigade and other rescue workers are getting fed up of hauling reckless idiots out of stranded cars but, as has been pointed out in other contexts, if they didn't have the customers, they'd all be out of a job.
One of the perils of air travel in the United States is that they try to screen passengers for terrorist inclinations but they don't do the same for religious nutters. So a United Airlines flight to D.C. had to declare an emergency when one of the passengers parked himself in an aisle and started praying loudly and in a demented fashion.
The airliner received a military escort to a safe landing although what use couple of USAF jets flying nearby would be in the circumstances was not revealed and the troublemaker was given a free ride in a police car and the chance to undergo the handcuff experience.
Was that goal scored by the Serbian Swede against England this month the greatest ever? Seeing he did it with a bicycle kick with his back to the goal, it was just a fluke which happened to go in the net and which he wouldn't be able to repeat in a month of Sundays. So it was just an amusing freak of nature? Yes, pretty much.
NICE, the national health care standards quango, would like parking charges to soar and the number of parking spaces to be reduced to force motorists to walk about and get wonderfully fit. Families should sell their car so that they can break out of the bad habit of using them for journeys of less than one mile, doctors and other health service professionals are expected to walk everywhere, and everyone is expected to live a lot longer, even though there isn't enough money to pay their pensions because Gordon Brown splurged the national piggy bank. The idea has been called boneheaded meddling but nobody at NICE is expected to get the sack for wasting taxpayers' cash.
Up for the Prescott Plod Chief Award worth £100K:
UFOlogists are starting to lose heart and contemplate a return to the woodwork. They expected the flowering of internet access in the 21st century to drown them in new sightings and solid evidence. But that hasn't happened. Most sightings can now be explained immediately and the number of UFO reports has dropped dramatically over the last 25 years. Some UFOlogists are even daring to suggest that there might be no alien flying saucers zooming across our skies and no visits from little green men of Mars.
Brain dead? Must be the Beeb
The Mayor of New York would like us to believe that Hurricane Sandy can be blamed on man-made global warming. But he's a politician and his contact with reality is tenuous at the best of times. So he can't be expected to know things like the US agency NOMA has found that weather conditions in the 21st century are at an historic low and hurricanes were stronger and much more frequent in the 1940s. And there was one the 1820s which produced a storm surge 3x higher than the tide which swamped Manhattan Island last month.
According to Lord Stevens, former Commish of the Met, only 0.1% of police officers feel properly supported by the government which is roughly the proportion of members of the general public who feel well served by the police "service" under its current management and the justice system.
Despite the best efforts of global warming, we have just had the coldest October since 2003 and the wettest since 2005.
Unforecast snow in the West Country, gritters not deployed, traffic at a standstill. Welcome to another British winter in the Global Warming era.
The latest scare from the Global Warming Swindlers is that COFFEE will become extinct by 2090. Why? Because the habitat of the wild plants used to restock commercial areas when they are hit by disease and/or climate change is being wiped out by global warming. This assumes, of course, that commercial growers will just sit back and let their livelihood zoom down the tubes.
The Department of energy & climate change is pretending to save the planet whilst doing its best to wreck it. During the reign of C. Huhne, currently in disgrace, its minions blew £1,500,000,000 of taxpayers' cash on junket flying, even though many of the destinations could have been reached as easily by train, and dumped vast amounts of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere, thereby helping to kill the planet, according to the philosophy of Huhne and other warmistas.
The BBC, according to a tribunal of warmists, is a private organization which is entitled to keep the details of discussions on policy top secret.
Hungary has come up with a cunning way to help to balance its budgetanyone who buys €250,000 of government debt can have a passport, which will let them work anywhere in the EU area. The scam is aimed mainly at rich Chinese people, who want to live and work in London.Spain is using the same scam to unstagnate its housing market. Rich Chinese or Russian migrants who buy a house in Spain worth more than €160,000 will be issued with a residency permit. The scam undercuts Ireland and Portugal, which set residency floors of €400K and €500K respectively.
How is the US government going to be able to come up with $50 BILLION to repair the damage caused by Hurricane Sandy when it is already $16 TRILLION in debt? Or has Lloyds of London got the whole thing covered?
Barclays Bank is a bad bank. Not only has it swindled customers with PPI insurance and manipulated the Liebor inter-bank lending rate, it has also swindled electricity consumers in the western USA, for which it faces a fine of around $450,000,000 which will made a modest contribution to rebuilding the east coast.
No wonder the sun never used to set on the British Empire. Author Stuart Laycock has calculated that we have invaded, in one way or another, all but 22 of the world's countries and states recognized by the UN. And the exceptions could be reduced to 21 if any evidence is found for a possible military incursion after the Russian Revolution. For more details, see Mr. Laycock's tome All the Countries We've Ever Invaded: And the Few We Never Got Round To.
Oh, Bummer! He's back!
German chancellor Angular Merkel would have us believe that Britain should be in the EU because we were there when the Germans were "liberated from National Socialism".
The next big scam to hit the nation will be cowboy tree surgeons charging over the odds (odds = £1,000 EACH) for cutting down and disposing of (i.e. by burning them and not just fly-tipping them) diseased ash trees. [And healthy ones falsely condemned as diseased too. Ed.]
Not only are the government's overseas aid wastrels using British taxpayers' cash to fund the Indian space programme, we are also expected to pay for their Grand bluddy Prix as well.
Costas Vaxevanis, the Greek journalist hauled into court for naming and shaming 2,000 tax swindlers mainly friends of the government is a free man again. After one day, the judge tossed the case out but declined to say why. Political embarrassment and a prosecutor exceeding his powers are suspected.
Former Labour minister D. McShane faces being suspended from the House of Common Criminals for a year for submitting fraudulent expenses claims. He is now considering his political future. If he were not an MP, he would face the prospect of doing his considering in a prison cell. But, naturally, the Metropolitan Police and the Can't Prosecute Service have decided that he should be allowed to get away with his sins against the taxpayer.
The squeaker of the House of Common Criminals, J. Berco, and his MP allies, are trying to stock their expenses watchdog with shamed expenses swindlers and compliant stooges, who will let the Westminster Wonders get away with bare-faced theft just like they did in the good old days.
There's a big problem with the story about a copper from Hartlepool allegedly mistaking a scarecrow in a high-visibility jacket for a lookout working for scrap metal thieves. Why would a lookout make himself so easily spotted by standing on a pile of scrap in a hi-vis jacket? Conclusion: it's just a silly story the police made up to test the gullibility of the public and distract people from their dangerous tendency to get hysterical and shoot innocent people, drown them in pepper spray or electrocute them with a taser.
If no one voted in the Police & Crime Commissioner elections, as the Labour party would have us believe, how come it took so long to get results out? Or was that just another example of the Labour-dominated public sector dragging its collective feet again?
No Plebs Allowed!
He says he'll do it but can anyone trust him to keep his word?
Surprise! 4G wireless technology is not the bee's knees and the answer to all our problems. The cellphone service is a lot slower than expected by customers and some cynics are saying that if it is 5x faster than 3G, that's only because 3G has been slowed down to make the newcomer look better than it really is. Worse, the coverage is nowhere near as extensive as claimed.
Daft idea of the decade:
Millions of Americans are suffering from Email Withdrawal Syndrome as a result of the power cuts caused by Hurricane Sandy. And they are flocking to any business which is open and has unguarded power points to plug in and charge their comms devices of choice.
The people of Scotland now get £1,600/head more from the State than the unfortunates in England, who have to subsidize their neighbours. Roll on independence?
Barclays has an interesting defence to accusations of rigging the electricity market in the USA for a profit swindle. The bank claims that it isn't big enough to influence the market and the traders in its casino division just got lucky lots of times.
Thames Water and Anglian Water paid no corporation tax last year on profits of £644 million and £492 million respectively. Yorkshire water paid a paltry £3 million on profits of £894 million. Explanation, anyone . . . ?
Google, Amazon and Starbucks don't pay UK corporation tax because of legal sweetheart deals with tax havens. So they had to volunteer some kamikaze executive to face being called immoral by members of the House of Common Criminals, that well-known haven for expenses swindlers. Pots & kettles come away, come away . . .
Just to be clear, Sir Isaac Newton was interested in the occult, finding hidden messages in the Bible and ancient structures, and alchemy. But he was not at all interested in the practice of astrology.
The latest excuse for keeping foreign criminals in Britain:
MPs stealing from the taxpayer with fraudulent expenses claims, banks swindling their customers with insurance which never pays out and rigged lending rates, now teachers fiddling course-work marks to falsify exam results. Are there any honest people left in the business & services sector?
The BBC, desperate to deflect attention from covering up for J. Savile, alleged paedophile of this parish, has managed to sleaze a senior Tory and could well be embarrassed even more, not to mention the expense to the licence-payer, by being sued for libel.