BlackFlag News / The Oui-Ja Board, All the News BEFORE it actually happens!
  END OF THE WORLD SPECIAL  
 
 2012/December 
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SO WHERE IS IT? BFN's employees, their relatives and everyone we know (and a lot of people we don't know) are still waiting for our share of the $1M Nobel prize awarded to the people of the European Union rather than its eurocrats, who are bound to steal it.

hollyXmas GreetingsA recycled Merry Xmas & a Good New Year
to all our readers and rotten ones to miserable multiculturalists, dastardly diversifiers and all other Xmas denyers.
   BlackFlag News would like to thank all who contributed to the 2012 issues – and we hope to hear from you again, and your friends, in 2013!

Romiley News
ROMILEY NEWS
 

Romiley swindled by Royal Mail

sliceThe Royal Mail has offered to let those receiving Pension Credit, Employment and Support Allowance, Incapacity Benefit and Unemployability Supplement buy up to 3 dozen first or 2nd class stamps at its Christmas 2011 prices. The Royal Mail claimed that claim forms would be delivered to every residence between 8 and 18 October 2012. The O-J predicts that Romiley will be left out, and so will lots of other parts of the country, and that the alleged offer is just Royal Mail Humbug. Further, the O-J predicts that anyone who goes to the website in search of the Voucher form will find that the page doesn't work.

sliceNot what you'd call First Class service
Xmas cards bearing the franking date 21/12/2012 and 1st class stamps will start arriving in Romiley on 31/12/2012. Not exactly value for money, Royal Mail.

sliceThe O-J signs up with regulator
Your fave internet organ has read the tea-leaves and agreed to be bound by the rules and regs set by the RAL, which has vowed to enforce its code arbitrarily, in keeping with the RAL constitution.

sliceFumes impotently
In the first full week of December, Virgin's cable TV and broadband service in Romiley will disappear and all customers will get when they ring the faults number is helpful messages telling them that "an engineer is on the way and the problem will be fixed as soon as possible."
   The next morning, the message will become "the problem should have been fixed by now" when the customer with no TV or broadband will know that it hasn't been fixed. Then the message will be that "the engineer is on his way", which will leave the customer wondering why the bloody engineer didn't fix the problem properly the first time he was there, and why he can't get out of the robot menus to talk to an actual human being to find out what's gone wrong and when it's really likely to be fixed.
   [Or be told something that seems credible, but is not necessarily true, by a bloke in India who has as much idea of what's going on as the customer. Ed.]

sliceWalk here at your peril!
Yorkshire will win this year's Worst Pavements in the World competition. Romiley's will come a close second. And this wet December will ensure that Romiley takes first place in the "More Puddles Than Road After Rain" section.

 DEPARTURES 

Gerry Anderson, Thunderbirds creator, 83

Thunderbirds, Stingray, Captain Scarlet, Fireball XL5 and Joe 90 were all products of a television career which began in the 1950s. He developed the relatively simple concept of marionette puppetry into "Supermarionation" and created TV series which were, and still are, shown around the world and pounced upon by the merchandising industry. Century 21 Productions moved on to feature films and TV series such as UFO, The Protectors and Space 1999. After a return to puppets with Terrahawks, Gerry Anderson was reduced to making TV commercials at the end of his active career, following investment failures.

Crime News
 [NOT A] CRIME NEWS 

sliceGet Out Of Gaol Free card
The Director of Public Prostitutions will decided that anyone who puts a threat on the Internet cannot be charged with a criminal offence if the person claims that he/she was drunk at the time.

sliceAnother for the boycott list
Facebook will be exposed this month as another UK corporation tax dodger.

sliceScript change
The familiar police caution, post Plebgate, will become: "You are not obliged to say anything but anything I think you might have said, and anything I and my colleagues make up at a later date, will be used as evidence for persecuting you."

sliceThere are perks, and there are perks
The boss of the Metropolitan Police, the blessed Hulk Hogan Hyphen Howe (or QuadrupleH to his mates), will be in dire straits over the DPG police Plebgate fit-up, and he will also be deeply unpopular with his underlings and just about everyone else in the country. But none of that will stop him copping for K in the New Year honours list. Why? Because getting a K is in his job description.

black squareA survey will find that 10% of coppers in England and Wales are so underemployed that they can have a second job.

 NOT SO CHARITABLE NEWS 

sliceIt's only other people's money, after all
The RSPCA will blow £300,000 on what looks suspiciously like politically motivated persecution of the Heythrop Hunt, which just happens to operate in the prime monster's back yard, and get a conviction because the hunt couldn't compete with all the money being thrown at the RSPCA's lawyers. The Judge will order the hunt to pay only a small fraction of the RSCPA's costs because he finds the figure "quite staggering." So the rest will have to come out of the cash raised to help the cute kittens and doggies on the TV ads. The RSPCA is already experiencing a large drop in support because of the case, and that withdrawal of support will accelerate.

black square A survey will find that trade unions own 81% of the Labour party's attention through their donations.

Answers To CorrespondentsWhat became of Lazarus after he was resurrected from the dead?

Gordon Brown sent him a Resurrection Tax bill and he promptly escaped to the L.A. Underground to become a soldier of fortune.

 SELF FULFILMENT? 

sliceDoltitude or Destiny?
Did theGrauniad describe the late Sir P. Moore as an astrologer as a result of a genuine Grauniad blunder? Or did they do it because everyone expected them to do it and they didn't want to disappoint their fans?

sliceEverything's okay
A BBC investigation will decide that no one at the BBC is to blame for broadcasting a tribute to the late J. Sovile even though lots of people at the BBC knew the truth about him for decades, and BBC bosses knew the truth for at least 2 years before he died. There will be no prosecution of anyone who withheld information from the police and, of course, no one will be sacked for anything, including sleazing Lord McAlpine and costing the Beeb the thick end of two hundred grand of licence-payers' cash.

 UNLIKELY HERO OF THE MONTH AWARD 

sliceIt absolutely has to go to PC P. Baker
He had the temerity to haul some scumbag parents out of a Surrey school nativity play to make them move their scumbag vehicles off the pavement instead of giving the lot of them Xmas parking tickets.

 DEPARTURES 

Sir Patrick Moore, astronomer, 89

Patrick Moore's life-long passion for astronomy began during his childhood. He became the youngest member of the British Astronomical Association at the age of 11, and the president some 50 years later. After service in the RAF during WW II, he concentrated his astronomical work on the Moon, producing charts of its surface which were used by both NASA and the Soviet space programme.
   He became an institution and a great monocled communicator via his series The Sky at Night, which ran for 55 years – in the latter years, with the assistance of Dr. Chris Lintott as his "runner". Patrick Moore's list of achievements include writing the best part of 200 books on his 1908 manual typewriter, playing cricket and xylophone, and composing over 100 pieces of music.
   He enjoyed his reputation as an eccentric and enemy of political correctness, he was awarded a knighthood in 2001 and he won a Bafta for services to TV. His success in making science popular meant that he would never become a full member of the Royal Society but he was granted an honorary membership.

 DEPARTURES 

Dave Brubeck, jazz musician, 91

ticket to Dave Brubeck Concert, 1966This jazz pianist and composer began his musical career at college and made the big time in the 1950s and 1960s. The Dave Brubeck Quartet had the first ever million-seller jazz LP with Time Out (1959). Compositions like the iconic Take Five, a million-selling single, reached out beyond the jazz world.
   Mr. Brubeck worked with the LSO, and they joined forces for a concert of Brubeck material to celebrate the performer's 80th birthday.
   His output was a feature of the collection assembled as the Romiley Jazz Archive by the late Harry Turner.

travel news
 TRAVEL NEWS 

sliceYou ain't goin' no where!
A little bit of snow will cause chaos when it takes councils in the South of England, the Midlands, Wales, the North-East and Scotland completely by surprise. Some airports will close and councils, which have bought in tons of salt and grit, will suddenly start panicking about not having enough.
  When motorists complain about ungritted roads, their local council will claim that rain washed away all the grit they applied and then froze over, and that's why the road is undriveable upon.

sliceH2S really stinks
The government is claiming that the hi-speed rail link from London to Birmingham to Manchester is needed to relieve the strain on the West Coast main line. But the Transport Ministry's own passenger counts will show that peak-time trains are often half-full and overcrowding starts only when Virgin's discount fares kick in. Clearly, the demand isn't there, but it will take a court case to extract the information.
   Having demolished the business case for the project, campaigners will then go on to shoot holes in the government's decisions on compensation and environmental impact.

The EU, better out than inReality doesn't even get a look-in
The European Court of Wasting Resources will rule that the monthly pilgrimage of MEPs from Brussels to Strasbourg to massage the French ego is not a waste of £160 MILLION per year. So it will not end anytime soon.

sliceAt least someone has some loot!
High street retailers in Britain's major cities, particularly London, will find that they have nothing to fear from the present lack of business confidence. Rich Chinese citizens will flood into the country to buy up all the high-quality bargains in the January sales, which started back in October.

 ALARMIST NEWS 

sliceOh, NO! We're all going to DIE!
Minister for Global Warming Swindles G. Barker, when at the Global Warming junket in Doha, Qatar, will claim that unless every British household coughs up £116; to buy windmills in Africa and subsidize farms owned by drug barons in Colombia, everyone in the UK will die as a result of a terrorist attack.
  Mr. Barking Barker is a multi-millionaire and therefore not to bothered about doing anything to bring down energy costs in the UK, such as investing the money wasted on overseas aid at home.

slicePull the other one!
W. Umaniec, a Polish exhibitionist who scribbled a bit on M. Rothko's Black On Maroon, will be gaoled for 2 years for causing damage valued at £1.2 million. The Tate Modern will reckon that removing his black ink from a very dark and gloomy expanse of canvas (about 9 feet high by 7½ feet wide) will cost £200K and take 2 years, and the painting will be worth £1 million less than its current valuation of £9 million.
[Sounds like the Tate has as little contact with reality as its creative accountants! Ed.]

 PATHETIC TOAD OF THE MONTH AWARD 

sliceJust effin' contemptible
E. Ballsup, who helped sacked prime monster G. Broon to wreck the economy during the New Labour disaster, will blame his stammer for the "not" which bogged up his response to the Chancellor's autumn statement. The derision will be universal and the contempt complete when the nastiest piece of work in the Commons plays the victim card.

sliceJust effin' slimy
Ed Milipede will come up with a new way to apologize for New Labour's many crimes against humanity. He will pilot the scam by putting an apology for New Labour's failure to do anything at all to control immigration into a speech, distribute the text to the meeja ahead of time, then skip over his weasel words when he actually delivers the speech. So the apology will go on the record but he will never actually have to voice it.

sliceA strong contender
Dave the Leader will make a bid for stardom by getting Britain involved in a European Defence Force, which will take the place of NATO if the French have their way. We predict that one of Dave's own MPs will say: "If anyone seriously believes that it is in our national interest to hand over our defence to the people running the euro, they need their head examined."

 DOSH NEWS 

sliceEveryone else, get lost!
Nobody living in the EU, who isn't employed by the monster, will see a brass farthing of the Nobel Peace Prize awarded to the EU's citizens for promoting peace around the world, or derive the slightest scrap of benefit from the cash. The O-J confidently predicts that by the time the EU's leaders have finished junketing to celebrate the award, there won't be a brass farthing left.

sliceLet loose the dogs of 'uman bluddy rights!
Everyone will assume that the UK tax system is voluntary when the government does a deal with Starbucks Coffee for some cash, while letting the company continue the creative accounting which makes a highly profitable business look like a loss-making disaster.
   As a result, everyone in Britain will assume that they have the 'uman right to volunteer how much tax they should pay, and when the government objects, it will find itself hauled into the European Court of 'Uman Bluddy Rights once again.
   In the meantime, the boycott remains in place.

slice"Bank of England launches £1 Billion banknote battle"
was the headline. Our reaction was: "Good grief! Is that how much debasement of the currency we can expect? It's 1923 in Germany all over again."

sliceEven more down the plughole
If you have shares in the Hongkong & Shanghai Bank for Criminals, and you're wondering why you're not getting any dividends, it could be due to the fact that the bank has been fined £1,200,000,000 for failing to spot that it was being used as the money laundering bank of choice by major drug dealers.

sliceLong-lasting; but not in the wallet!
The Bank of England will be introducing plastic banknotes when it sorts out its printer of preference for the next contract period. The change to more durable currency has been made possible by the reduction in demand for plastic due to the discouragement directed at the use of plastic bags by supermarkets.

 SUCCESSION NEWS 

sliceBe prepared to die of extreme boredom!
The Daily Disaster will start speculating about what if Princess Kate has twins? And another tabloid will seek to trump the Disaster by asking what if she has triplets?
    Every woman who has ever had morning sickness, or who knows or has heard of someone who has had it, will be busting a gut to get her tips for ameliorating the condition into print.
    Today's Latin Lesson : hyperemisis gravidarum means serious up-chucking.
    Historians and others, trying to be "provocative" (i.e. get themselves noticed), will start telling Prince Chuck to get the hell out of the line of succession because 3 heirs is too much for the provocatives to cope with.

world news
 WORLD  NEWS 

slice"Don't Panic!"
The Russian government will blame its citizens' decision to hoard basics, like sugar, matches and candles, on "a collective mass psychosis" and a fear that the world will end on December 21st, when the current Long Count of the ancient Mayan calendar ends. Alternatively, Russians might just be taking precautions against the shortages which always arise under a totalitarian regime, like the one currently in power in Russia.

sliceAny old excuse for a binge
Dave the Leader will not go to Oslo for the Nobel Peace prize presentation to the EU for its role in bringing world peace. [Don't they mean NATO? Ed] But Calamity Clegg will be filling his boots as he is unable to resist a freebie. [Free to him, not to the British taxpayer. Ed.]

sliceAny old loophole will do!
If Scotland will be out of the EU automatically on achieving independence, then there's an obvious solution to England's problems with that corrupt entity. All we have to do is secede from the UK and we'll be free of the Euromonster! Salvation is at hand!

sliceA step back from the brink
In the face of massive protests cum riots, the Egyptian president will annul his self-granted power to rule by decree in the style of the late A. Hitler, sometime president of Germany.

The EU, better out than inReality doesn't even get a look-in, part deux
The European Commission will be awarded the prestigious Spott Prize for Economics in recognition of its masterly solution of the euro crisis.

sliceNewtown was just the massacre before the next
President O'Bummer might be sort of sincere about putting an end to crazies with guns in the United States but he must know that there are more guns than you can shake a stick at already in circulation and guns are big business. So nothing will change.

sliceUp yours, Messieurs!
The French will shout "Foul!" over the number of rich people who are taking refuge in neighbouring Belgium to escape punitive taxes. The Belgian government will respond by pointing out that if the French lower their tax rates, the problem will go away. Then the French supreme court will complicate matters further by declaring the 75% top tax rate unconstitutional.

slicePanic buying
Gun shops in America will run out of stock as people dash to exercise their constitutional right to bear arms (as part of an organized militia, everyone seems to forget) before Pres. O'Bummer tries to make it illegal. Manufacturers of bullets will report that they can't churn them out fast enough and all discounting has come to an end.

The EU, better out than inReality doesn't even get a look-in, part 2
The EU will insist that footballs be stamped with a warning that they are a choking hazard to children under the age of 3 if the child manages to swallow the football.
"It's the EU, it's not meant to make sense."

 WAR NEWS 

sliceAttention, all of our enemies!
The British Army will be closing down for 3 weeks over Xmas to save money. Hostile foreign governments (especially the French) should NOT take this as an open invitation to invade us.

sliceSabres to rattle
The minions of the Royal Mail will threaten to stop delivering post which has not been all the way through the Royal Mail system unless TNT and the other infiltrators pay the Royal Mail a larger slice of their fees and become subject to the same regulations and targets as the Royal Mail.

sliceNot another foreign bluddy war
The United States and Britain will announce that they have proof that the Assad regime in Syria has chemical weapons ready for use in 4-5 minutes using the same crystal ball that the Bush/B. Liar axis used to prove that the Saddam Hussein regime had Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq.

sliceNot so massively destructive . . .
The moronic mandarins of the British army will downgrade Xmas crackers from "explosives" to "harmless" so that troops in Afghanistan can enjoy them this year. Which will leave us wondering why they were ever banned in the first place, what the person who banned them uses instead of a brain and why it took so long to un-ban them.

sliceMore clutter in orbit
North Korea will launch a weather satellite after a series of rocket disasters reminiscent of NASA and its predecessors in the 1950s. None of the neighbours will be pleased because they will all be worried about nuclear warheads dropping on their heads courtesy of a demented communist regime. [Tautology warning. Ed.]

sliceWhen the case is weak, make something up!
A. Mitchell, the former Tory chief whip and pal of Rwanda's warmongering despot and aid vulture (thanks to Mitchell) will be found to have been shafted by the police. He had an altercation with the coppers manning the Downing Street gate, they claimed he called them plebs and he lost his job. They also claimed that passers-by were shocked by Mitchell's language. But CCTV footage obtained by Mitchell under the FoA act will prove that this is rubbish. Which will cast doubt on the validity of the rest of the coppers' story. Mitchell lost his job but will they for their clumsy stitch-up? Ho, ho, ho!

Home News
 HOME NEWS 
UK Flag

 
sliceShooting from the lip
Having sounded the charge with a demand for full implementation of the Leveson blueprint for putting a political muzzle on the Press, Red Ed will find himself out on his own with the rest of the Milibandits dragging their collective feet in the background and realizing what a blunder he's made.

slice"Not us, Gov!"
Why are the Tories planning to concrete over the Green Belt? It's not just to put money into the property speculators who donate to them. No, it's because New Labour's policy of unchecked immigration in the hope that the immigrants would vote Labour means that there are lots of immigrants needing houses and the Tories, being a throughly decent bunch, feel obliged to build all over the south-east of England, where they want to live.

UKIP buttonHolding the balance of power
Where are all the former Tory votes going? UKIP is currently the 3rd party of choice, and becoming the 2nd in Labour constituencies, and the Liberals are at the back of the queue, somewhere south of the Monster Raving Loonies and the No Car Park Charges parties.

sliceThe Wheels Are Loose
Just a couple of days after he advocates Parliament regulating the Press by the back door, Lord Leveson will receive some serious shots across his bows. The honcho of Liberty will reckon that forcing newspapers to sign up with a new regulator by law could breach the 'Uman bliddy Rights Act! And 50% of 'Is Lordship's panel of advisors will remind him that they mentioned that state-enforced regulation is a terrible idea. So the Ed Milly Bandwagon will become stuck in the mud, too.

sliceMore New Labour fallout
The results from the 2011 census will show that in the decade back to the previous census, New Labour's policy of unrestricted migration let 4 million foreigners into Britain to pinch jobs from the natives. This was a direct result of Tony B. Liar's need to fulfil "social objectives" – i.e. import into England, people who would be likely to vote Labour.

sliceNo satisfying some people!
No matter how much shoppers spend in shops, stores and online, the retail trade will say it's not enough. So why bother exerting yourself?

sliceAnother Xmas prediction:
The New Year sales, which began last October, will be re-launched on Xmas Eve.

 JUSTICE NEWS 

sliceJustice delayed is always justice denied
SAS Sergeant D. Nightingale will be let out of gaol but remain labelled a criminal. An appeal will convert his gaol sentence to suspended, but he will remain convicted. His lawyers will argue that Sgt. Nightingale was railroaded, and the trial judge helped out with the suggestion that he could be sent down for 5 years if he didn't plead guilty. An appeal against the conviction will cost Sgt. Nightingale both arms, both legs and various other body parts.

sliceHave your say while you can
Lord Leveson, being a judge and, by definition, not in touch with the real world, will demand an independent regulator for the Press. The regulatory body will not be part of the state but it will operate by the government's permission and enforce rules set by the government on what is "legitimate" and what is "necessary in a democratic society" – i.e. nothing embarrassing to the government and its pals will be allowed into print.

Association of Cheap Police OfficerssliceMake-work culture
The police will bust more respected figures in the entertainment world and they will stroll off with sackloads of "evidence" supposedly relating to things which are alleged to have happened 40 years ago. But it will just be jobsworths looking busy to justify their existence to the meeja gang invited along for the occasion.
  The Association of Cheap Police Officers will continue to moan about a lack of money due to "The Cuts" but its members will always be able to find plenty of funds for pointless fishing expeditions of the type described above.
  Embarrassingly for ACPO, a survey will find that despite "The Cuts", reported crime rates in England and Wales fell or remained stable over the last year, proving that the amounts cut from police budgets were being wasted.

sliceNo K?
Metropolitan Police boss Hulk Hogan Hypen Howe will be completely compromised and lose all credibility after going along with the Plebgate stitch-up and the Police Federation's post-Plebgate show.

 CLIMATE  NEWS 

GW sloganAll we know is that the spin goes on
The latest statistics compiled by NASA, the Met Office and the University of East Anglia will spread dismay in these nests of Warmist Alarmists. The numbers will continue to show that global warming stopped in 1998 despite a failure on the part of the main usual suspects, e.g. China and India, to reduce their carbon dioxide releases.
   The Warmist will say that this Global Warming non-event MAY be due to increased atmospheric pollution from the Far East, and a change in currents MAY have produced more heat absorption into the deep oceans over the last decade. What they will not admit is that they don't know what is going on, and they want to keep the alarm level high for the latest round of UN climate change talks at Doha, Qatar.
   NOTE: It is an established fact that carbon dioxide, which is vital for plant life, makes up 0.039% of the atmosphere; which is trivial compared to 3-4% of water vapour, the main greenhouse gas. It has also been shown conclusively that the current funding structure for spin doctors at universities and similar public institutions means that they get cash only if they can support the Warmist agenda, and that if they could make more money out of pushing a Global Cooling agenda, they would.
black squareThe head of the Met Office will warn that Global Warming "has slowed down but it will speed up at some point". Or it might slow down even further. He doesn't know which, but he does know which agenda keeps the funding tap turned on.

GW sloganAt least somebody is happy
Despite the howls from the Warmists that 2012 has been the 9th hottest year on record and we need to give them more money, the ski resorts in Scotland will have lots of good quality snow at the beginning of the month, and they will be able to open early for the new leg-breaking season. England will also receive a bit of snow, but the gritters won't be able to get out to tackle it because of the fog.

GW sloganNot a hard call to make
When Moscow got its heaviest snow for 50 years in the last week of November 2012, the O-J predicted that within hours, the Warmists would be claiming that it is proof that global warming is producing greater extremes of weather. And we were right.
  When the Environment Agency was warning that the March 2012 drought would last until Xmas, the O-J was predicting the wettest spring and summer in living memory. And we were right.

GW sloganInfiltration!
Lord Monckton will upset the Global Warming Swindlers in Doha by striding into their midst and pointing out that there has been no global warming for the last 16 years, so all they're doing is rabbiting on about wasting British taxpayers' money and ways to keep themselves in pampered luxury for the rest of their useless lives.

GW sloganExfiltration!
You can tell they think they've lost the argument when opponents of fracking in Lancashire start complaining that the working lights at drilling sites, which are temporary installations only, will be unfair competition for Blackpool's celebrated illuminations!

GW sloganOkay, it's just to keep the lights on when windmills can't
The National Trust will come out against fracking for shale gas on the grounds that it will do nothing to arrest climate change. Neither will all the stuff advocated by other Global Warming Swindlers, but that doesn't stop them spouting their hot air.

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Crime News
 CRIME NEWS 

sliceWell, what did you expect?
Lord Leveson has blown SIX MILLION QUID of taxpayers' cash on producing a report three times longer than War & Peace, which the equivalent of a paperback with a 12" spine.
   He would appear to be trying to make it easier for crooks in office to prosper and remain unexposed. He seems to be offering a tanker-load of BBC-brand Savile whitewash to protect liars, cheats & thieves.
   'Is Lordship appears to be in favour of facilitating fit-ups and frame-ups by preventing inconvenient truths from escaping from dark, sleazy corridors of power into the light of the public domain and there generating further revelations about the conspiracies engineered by usual suspects.

sliceHistory repeating itself
It's rather apt that the Leveson Inquiry, like then prime monster Tony B. Liar's 2003 war in Iraq, was launched on a lie. Mr. Liar had non-existent Weapons of Mass Destruction. The Leveson Crusade against investigative journalism was launched by the current prime monster, Dave the Leader, on the strength of a false accusation in theGrauniad against the now extinct News of the Screws.

sliceThe Government to be sacked and hauled into court
When the Communications Data Bill (2013) becomes law, and the government starts storing details of all phone calls and internet connections made in Britain, the government will be arrested on the same hacking charges as those levelled against the staff of the now defunct News of the World.

sliceWater off a duck's back?
Judge P. Bowers, who thinks burglars are courageous, will get a long overdue wigging for damaging public trust in the judiciary from his regulatory body.

sliceJob creation?
To whom will PR guru M. Clifford turn when he's busted by the Paedo-Narks? The O-J confidently predicts that he will think it appropriate to have himself as a client.

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

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CONGRATULATIONS
When you read this on December 22nd, you will have survived the catastrophe predicted by the doom-mongers who misrepresented Mayan culture by deciding that something terrible will happen because a cycle in the ancient Mayan calendar ends on this date.
   As you will have observed, it might be a bit chilly out, but the Earth has not been swallowed up by the black hole at the centre of the galaxy, and it hasn't collided with a planet called "Nibiru".
   The bad news is that you will still be at the mercy of Global Warming Swindlers, who have been fuming in the background about this distraction from their brand of doom-mongering.

Far Queue List

Far Queue symbol Lord Leveson and everyone who thinks his Press-gagging plan is the bee's knees, and that includes everyone who pretends to think it's a good idea, e.g. E. Milibandit, the "celebs" who had embarrassing bits of an appalling personal life exposed, the politicians whose expenses thievery was dragged into the public domain, and the people who covered up serious scandals in the expectation that their own misdeeds would not be revealed.

Far Queue symbol The new Bishop of Chichester, M. Warner, who thinks D. Hirst's creations are "exquisite artefacts" rather than ill-preserved biological specimens and derivative tosh.

Far Queue symbol Harridan Harperson, who will flip-flop on Press freedom like an MP playing musical homes.

Far Queue symbol J. Crosby, the candidate for knighthood removal, who presided over the bad loans which resulted in the failure of HBoS, and the consequent failure of Lloyds TSB, the management of which took over HBoS as a personal favour to Gordon Broon. Also, everyone who helped to keep Crosby from becoming as notorious as Fred The Shred Goodwin, de-knighthooded banker – until now.

Far Queue symbol The GMB union has been obliged to repay £17,000 of a government grant, which was misappropriated for Labour Party propaganda and an Xmas party. The union also claimed expenses for educational courses which were never held. No one will go to gaol, however, because the police (who have a strong trade union) decided to treat their fellow unionists like a defrauding MP and cover up instead of prosecuting.

Far Queue symbol Lord Patten, who thinks everyone else is to blame for the state of the BBC, which is nothing to do with him as he's only the figurehead chairman.

Far Queue symbol Dave the Leader, who knew 3 months ago that the police evidence against sacked chief whip A. Mitchell was garbage but didn't like to mention it to avoid upsetting the police. Who have guns.

Far Queue symbol Whoever gave Tony B. Liar's missus a CBE for services to freeloading.

Far Queue symbol Police "services" everywhere, which have lost public confidence.

Far Queue symbol Anyone who (A) moans about Olympians getting honours on top of medals when they were "just doing their job" and (B) doesn't also moan about civil servants getting honours for doing an indifferent job of work whilst receiving an eye-watering salary, early retirement and a gold-plated pension, all courtesy of the taxpayer.

Far Queue symbol Awaiting further recommendations . . .

Far Queue symbol "Far queue, far queue very much!" – Frank Zappa.

The Far Queue: the traditional parking place for everything "not wanted on voyage".

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Created for Romiley Anarchists' League by workers in revolt against oppression
to set the record straight in the 3rd millennium. © RAL, December MM12.