The mind can do nothing other than boggle
An Italian kangaroo court has sent 7 members of the National Commission for the Forecast and Prevention of Major Risks to gaol for negligence, malpractice, manslaughter and failing to do the impossible. Their crime was failing to predict the precise moment when the town of L'Aquila would be flattened by an earthquake in April 2009 something which is impossible to do, given the current state of earthquake science.
The L'Aquilla Seven have been declared responsible for the deaths of 309 people and property damage to the tune of hundreds of millions of euros. Italian courts have a history of trying such cases, many of which are more to do with some prosecutor trying to get noticed than obtaining justice. [Or the pretence of justice. Ed.]
Who's it going to be?
There are 5 candidates for the post of Greater Manchester police commissioner, assuming the turn-out to next month's vote is high enough to justify appointing anyone. The successful candidate will have to come up with a policing plan, make sure the police budget is spent effectively and hire/fire the chief constable. Or be a party-political figurehead and do what the party tells him to do. The candidates, in reverse alphabetic order, are:
Steven Woolfe, UKIP, no relevant management experience offered, promises to deal with violent crimes and burglaries, put police on the beat instead of filling in forms, put victims first.
Michael Winstanley, Conservative, works in NHS, former Wigan councillor and mayor for 2010/11, promises crack-down on anti-social behaviour and low-level crime, tough sentences and proper deterrents.
Roy Warren, Independent, magistrate and company managing director, lots of relevant experience of GM police and court system, understands why cuts necessary and will protect the "sharp end" of policing and the public.
Tony Lloyd, Labour, no relevant management experience offered, Labour party line offered with no acknowledgement that "The Cuts" are a product of Labour's reckless spending and, in fact, very little cutting has gone on.
Matt Gallagher, Liberal, 30 years as police officer all around Greater Manchester, offers insider's knowledge of where there is waste, a "victims first" policy, to put more police on the streets and to cut re-offending.
Wot about our bluddy rights, you bastards?
New guidelines from the Dept. of Health give priority to foreigners when it comes to access to GPs because they have more 'uman bloody rights than the British people who pay for the NHS in the first place.
This Health Tourism Charter is expected to add more millions to the £40 MILLION already owed to the British taxpayer by foreign freeloaders and it has been accompanied by the usual shower of mealy-mouthed garbage from the usual anti-British suspects.
"Care, but not as we know it, Jim"
N. Lamb, who is the Liberal "Care Minister", has ordered doctors to put 1% of their patients on a "death list". Those on the list will be allowed to die in comfort if admitted to hospital rather than receiving treatment for what ails them. The move is expected to reduce the cost to the NHS of running hospitals, and also to reduce the number of admissions, as the elderly will be reluctant to got into hospital if they face an automatic death sentence.
Another case of "Not me, Guv"?
Diseased ash trees are being chopped down and burnt all over the country because Labour did nothing when they were told about the problem in 2009. No doubt they'll be banging on about more "Tory cuts" in the House of Hypocrites as the problem worsens.
No way out
Moors murderer I. Brady died after a seizure but staff at Ashworth hospital in Liverpool jump-started his heart with a defibrilator. As Brady is currently listed as insane, his personal "Do Not Attempt Resuscitation" instructions were ignored. Brady is furious but relatives of his victims are happy that he is alive and able to suffer some more.
Captain Hook was deprived of his hook when he faced a New York court to refuse to answer charges of inciting and facilitating terrorism. The hook had to go under strict "no offensive weapons for prisoners" rules.
Our rules or else
The WH Smith chain has invented a new law, under which it becomes illegal to sell Shooting Times, an entirely respectable gun magazine, to children under 14. Smiths are quite happy to sell motoring magazines to children of the same age, even though they are not allowed to drive on public roads, and to sell them war magazines and comics involving violent death.
Goodwill deficit rebuilding
Greater Manchester Police won a lot of public approval after the murders of two of its officers in the line of duty. The neighbours in Cheshire and Lancashire, however, are still dishing out the usual brutality.
Thus a blind man in Chorley was tasered this month by a copper who thought his cane was a samurai sword. But the officer in question has not been sacked, suspended or even arrested for GBH (his victim had to go to hospital).
The thuggish copper has not suffered any of the inconvenience to which a member of the public would be subjected, not even being handcuffed and pepper-sprayed, and then thrown about a bit. in fact, he has not even been ordered to get his eyes tested.
Over & Out
Following allegations of a police cover-up and slander campaign after the mass deaths at Sheffield Wednesday FC 3 decades ago, the Chief Con. of W. Yorkshire has resigned to spend more time with his £83K pension.
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New Trading Scam in the making?
The government is trying to keep this quiet, but it thinks that it is okay for councils to trade Green Belt land internally; which means that if an unwanted, undesirable piece of land is redesignated as Green Belt, then the council can give a developer permission to build on a desirable piece of land.
A logical extension of the policy would be to give pairs of councils the opportunity to trade Green Belt between their areas via a scheme like the EU's Carbon Trading scam. As a result, the public can expect to see a lot more second-class green belt in grotty Labour areas and a lot more building in desirable Tory areas.
Diversity still rules and the BBC still welcomes tax-dodgers, paedophiles, looney lefties and members of other unsavoury minorities.
Make a meal of the other guy, Uncle Sam
Having exported Captain Hook successfully, Home Sec. T. May has decided that Gary McKinnon did the Yanks a favour by proving that the Pentagon's computer system can be hacked by any UFO-nut with a computer and a bit of know-how. So they're not going to be allowed to lock him up for 60 years on trumped-up charges. Tough, but these are the breaks.
Someone else who has had an attack of common sense is the Planning Minister, N. Boles, who has ruled that bigger home extensions, despite the wails from the BBC and the Labour party, are NOT a crime against humanity and scrapping pointless and costly local council bureaucracy will not bring about the end of the world as we know it.
Same old con repackaged
Having promised a referendum on the EU before the last election, and reneged on the promise, Dave the Leader thinks he can buy himself another term in office by promising a referendum on the EU AFTER the next general election. Just how stoopid does he think everyone is?
Brighton council wants to ban Mr., Mrs. and Ms from all official forms to avoid upsetting people who don't know which sex they are. The council is run by the Greens, who can be as daft as any Labour brush at times. [If not all the time. Ed.]
Caterpillar Cakes enjoy Boom
The revelation that security staff at Stansted Airport wasted 40 minutes of a traveller's time, and insisted on doing a strip search, has fired up the nation's sense of outrage. The reason given for the panic at the airport was that a boxed Sainsbury's Wriggles the Caterpillar cake set off an explosives sensor. As a result, everyone is buying, or making, caterpillar cakes as a protest through mockery against official boneheadedness. Even the Prime Minister had one at his 46th birthday bash at the Tory party conference.
Marks & Spencer has introduced a new Xmas line wonky mince pies, which harassed home-makers have a chance of passing off as all their own work.
ING Direct, 9, British offshoot of Dutch bank
Offering decent interest rates and mortgage deals made ING Direct a welcome member of the British online banking industry. But all that will change next year, when Barclays Bank swallows up ING's 1.5 million British customers. This deal, demanded by . . . guess who? the European bloody Commission, will reduce choice and competition, and it is terrible news for savers, given that Barclays Bank is not noted for offering worthwhile deals.
Another one you couldn't make up
Those who received the message assumed that it was a very late April Fool, but the Church of England really has banned the sale of jam in recycled jam jars on spurious hygiene grounds. The CoE says it's illegal to sell such products at a public event. "Ruggish!" said a Food Standards Agency source. Those affected by the ban are hoping that common sense will prevail but the track record of the CoE's jobsworths in this area is far from good.
More bad news for the government
The Local Government Association has booted into touch, Dave the Leader's plan to double the size of home extensions which don't need planning permission. The LGA concluded that it would lead to unsightly and out-of-place developments, and that wrecking the environment is the job of local councils, not the government.
Just the man for the job
Lord Falconer, former flatmate of Tony B. Liar and the man who botched the Millennium Dome's finances, is to do an investigation into the Hillsborough disaster. "UNFIT FOR PUBLIC OFFICE" was the headline about him in the Daily Mail on 2000/11/10. So how much confidence can anyone have in this new labour apparatchik?
They've GOT to be having a giraffe!!
The committee awarding Nobel Prizes has blown another fuse. This year, the thoroughly discredited Peace Prize has been awarded to the entire population of the European Union. To celebrate, the EU's hierarchy is planning to spend the $1 million cash prize on a mass corporate junket to Mickey Mouseland in Florida.
Push the button, pillocks!
Poland, the nation of the obliging plumber, has confirmed that stupidity remains universal. The national stadium cost £400,000,000 to build and it has a state-of-the-art control system. It also has a high-tech roof, which the operators failed to close with the result that an international match with England had to be cancelled because of a waterlogged pitch.
What's in a name?
Lord (Son of a) Bichard reckons that pensioners should do voluntary work to "earn" the pension, which they have already earned through paying a lifetime's National Insurance contributions and taxes for getting on for 50 years in some cases. His lordship retired at 53 on a civil service pension of £120K, and he does nothing to earn it.
Following his perceived success in the first TV presidential election debate, Mitt the Twitt Romney has surged ahead in the opinion polls and people have thrown an extra $12 MILLION into his hat. He is still expected to lose to the lacklustre sitting President O'Bummer next month, however.
Warm welcome in Athens
The Greeks, driven into austerity by a long-lived culture of tax-dodging and skiving, won't accept that they are the agents of their own misfortune. So Athens became a festival of swastikas on a red background of burning effigies in honour of the state visit by A. Merkel, the German Kanzler, who is blamed for not giving the Greeks enough cash to continue their Gordon Broon lifestyle.
Don't mess with the big guys!
A team of BBC comedians and conspiracy theorists came unstuck when they tried to invade Area 51, the place which doesn't exist officially and where America pretends to store its top secret stuff. They chose to ignore and abundance of warning signs, and had to suffer the indignity of lying face down in the dirt for 3 hours whilst their identities were checked. They also had to pay fines of $600 [the maximum is $1,000 with 6 months imprisonment optional] for their cheek.
Having proved (to their own satisfaction) that the terrorist attacks on London in July 2005 were just a British government conspiracy, the gang thought that it could prove that there are UFOs and aliens in Area 51 on a junket at the expense of the BBC's licence-payers.
The police are useless everywhere
A British MEP has had to warn the Brussels police that if they arrest any Liverpool FC fans for being in Bruges without a ticket for a football match, then they will be committing a serious breach of the fan's 'uman bloody right to travel freely within the EU, and the coppers who get above themselves, and their supervisors, will be liable to be sued for heavy damages.
Kinda what you'd expect (1)
The Transport Department has screwed up the auction for running the West Coast mainline railway service. Three civil servants have been suspended for uselessness and the bad news for the taxpayer is that they have wasted about £100 MILLION. But the good news is that no government ministers are to blame.
Captain Hook cleared for extended panto run in US of A.
Now that Lance Armstrong has been stripped of his 7 Tour de France titles for cheating, the French organizers are faced with a headache of epic proportions how to be sure that to whomever the titles cascade, they won't be going to other drug cheats, because Mr. Armstrong wasn't the only one at it by a long chalk.
But not 100% problems . . .
Sports equipment manufacturer Nike is continuing to back the no-time Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong and ignoring what the US Anti-Doping Agency calls "the most sophisticated, professionalised and successful doping programme sport has ever seen". Which puts an entirely new slant on the Nike motto "Just Do It".
Highest & Fastest
Austrian skydiver Felix Baumgartner has become the first human to break the sound barrier unaided by an aircraft or any other sort of vehicle. He achieved his record by ascending to 128,100 feet with a balloon, and stepping off into space above desert in New Mexico. He reached a top speed of 834 mph during the 10-minute descent, and landed on his feet under a parachute at the end of it.
Don't Mention The Truth!
In 2007, the warmist alarmists predicted that all of the Arctic ice would be gone in 5 years. As that didn't happen, they have shifted their goal posts to no ice by 2015/16.
But we don't have to worry about a huge rise in sea levels because ice is collecting in record amounts at the South Pole something which the warmists at the UN, NASA, the Met Office and the BBC would prefer not to mention.
So that's a global balance of ice; less in the North, more in the South; since satellite records began in 1979 and not much sign of an overall "global" warming.
"Only 100 adult cod in N Sea"
Global Warming Swindlers remain in a high state of excitement over the above headline in the Sunday Times as proof for their case. Even though the ST admits that the headline was a gross oversimplification, and closer examination of the data suggests that the ST was out by about half a billion cod, the GWS have their cutting from a "respectable" newspaper and will continue to flourish it at meetings of the United Nations' GWS for many years to come.
Not quite as global as advertised
The amount of sea ice around the Antarctic has been increasing steadily over the last 30 years despite the "global" warming preached by alarmists, and the extent of the southern sea ice set a new record this year. But maybe "localized" warming doesn't create quite the panic in gullible politicians as the "global" sort.
Blame the bliddy govt.
British Gas and Npower are shoving up their prices. British Gas, notorious profiteer, is quite cool with ripping off their customers some more, but Npower is a bit embarrassed. They are putting the blame on the bogus "green" taxes imposed on carbon dioxide by the government and the European Commission taxes which are just taxes rather than anything to do with saving the planet from global warming.
Get it right, okay?
E. Ballsup, the shadow minister for wrecking the economy, would like it to be known that he is not a bully and he will beat up anyone who sez different.
Maths ain't exactly his strong point
If he were allowed back into power, E. Ballsup would build 100,000 affordable homes [Wot, him personally with his bare hands? Ed.] with the £3 BILLION which the government hopes to make from selling off G4 phone airwaves. So either Bully Ed knows a builder who will knock the houses out at £30,000 each, or he plans to resume the New Labour campaign of reckless borrowing which got us into the present mess.
Good for the Germans
Germans seem to be getting the blame for everything! First, it became their fault that Greece got itself into a financial sink-hole through skiving and tax-dodging. Now, it's their fault that the BAE/EADS merger collapsed to the great financial disadvantage of some pretty poisonous British usual suspects.
Shame In Action
Exposure as a homeland for paedophiles has shocked the BBC out of its customary posture of superior complacency and forced an admission of following a solid leftie agenda on immigration (wildly in favour of no restrictions), religion (particularly anti-Christian) and the dotting doings of the EU (go along with anything the Brussels Bunglers want).
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Kinda what you'd expect (2)
The new headquarters building for the European Central Bank in Frankfurt am Main is being spun as a "towering monument to competence, efficiency and transparency". The design is a blot on the landscape and the project is now £280 MILLION over budget, which is pretty routine for the EU, where sloppy project management is the norm. After all, it's only taxpayers' cash and there's plenty of that, isn't there?
Kinda what you'd expect (3)
The BBC, that pillar of leftie rectitude, is involved in 25,000 cases of facilitating tax avoidance by its luvvies. Maybe, if they paid their full whack, the Beeb could be less tediously moaniferous about "The Cuts" which it is helping to make worse than they need be by depriving the nation of tax revenue.
Kinda what you'd expect (4)
The EU is rattling its begging bowl again and the British taxpayer is expected to cough up a further ONE BILLION QUID. Despite being told that budgets would not be increased, the EU just carried on spending other people's money like Gordon Brown. Now, it is pleading poverty again. So now would be a good idea for Dave the Leader to think of Britain for a change and tell them they're not getting a penny.
Just stay away?
Starbuck coffee bars face a boycott in Britain following the revelation that the chain has paid no tax in the UK for 3 years. Google, Ikea, Facebook, eBay, Apple and Amazon face a similar penalty for their creative accounting.
How do MPs swindle the taxpayer without breaking the rules?
They just write the rules so that it's okay for Labour MP L. Riordan (and others) to get the taxpayer to subsidize her SECOND home, which she rents to another MP, whilst getting the taxpayer to subsidize her THIRD home, which she occupies herself.
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Labour shows its true colours
Mr. Ballsup would like us to believe that Labour was not a spendthrift government when he was pulling Wee Gordie Broon's strings and wrecking the private pension system. Labour was a "borrow-to-invest" (in drinks for their mates) and "balance the current budget" party (which had a balanced budget apart from all the liabilities kept off the book like railway infrastructure, PPI scams and all the debt from the borrowed cash). Further, he thinks that the present government's attempts to make Labour's deficit larger are pathetic and, given the opportunity, he and Mr. Milipede will show everyone what serious profligacy is all about.
BBC in product placement scandal
The BBC has been reported to the TV regulator for persistently incorporating posters advertising services offered by trade unions into "the shot" for alleged TV news features and interviews from the Labour party conference.
Labour shows its true colours II
Mr Redward Milipede would like it to be known that, unlike Posh Dave, he had a really tough time rather than a privileged upbringing. He didn't have the opportunity to sit under some oak tree. No, he was drug up in a commune of caviar commies on Primrose Hill and forced to go to a comprehensive school, where all the right-on Labour luvvies sent their kids, knowing that they would be segregated from plebs. No, Eddie-baby is really a horny-handed son of toil (even though he's never done a proper day's work in his life. [A bit like Dave, really. Ed.]
Stand by for a spectacle; or not
Russian astronomers, using a 16" telescope of the International Scientific Optical Network near Kislovodsk, have discovered a new comet. C/2012 S1, also known as Comet Ison, is about a billion miles from Earth and too far away to be seen without a telescope right now. But it will swing around the Sun at a distance of around one million kilometres and there is some optimism that it could become bright enough to be seen in daylight! We have not had a really spectacular comet in living memory and one is certainly overdue.
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