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 2010/July 
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No. 10 Certificate of EndorsementEvery edition of BFN is compiled
in accordance with official 10 Downing Street guidelines on accuracy and veracity.

 WAR NEWS 
Looks like he's doing something right!

D. Cameron seems to be going out of his way to name, shame and upset the countries which support and export terrorism. At the end of the month, he managed to get Israel's president sounding off about Britain's "quiet, polite form of anti-Semitism" and our MPs' pursuit of the Moslem vote because there are more of them whilst a mob in Karachi was rampaging and burning Call Me Dave in effigy.

MayanCredibility shot to shreds
Former deputy prime monster Mr. T.W.O. Jags, has told the Iraq war inquiry that he was sitting on the sofa with Mr. B. Liar's inner circle all through the scheming to join Pres. Bush's 2003 invasion of Iraq and he knew the 'intelligence' evidence was flimsy and unreliable, and there was no legal justification for the invasion. Well, if even Prescott had worked out that much, it makes a nonsense of all the silly stories from the rest of Mr. Liar's cabinet ministers & cronies.

Home News
 HOME NEWS 
UK FlagBlackFlag News declared Gob Free Zone

Murray gobPictures of "sports personalities" with their stupid mouths wide open, as if they were trying to swallow a football, have been banned from this website in an uncensored condition. The worst offender in this category is, of course, the tennis player A. Murray, who seems to have a congenital defect which prevents him from closing his gob in the presence of cameras. Readers of BFN are assured that they can visit this website without being confronted with pictures calculated to "frighten the horses".

Cameron waxworkThe way ahead in politics?
David Cameron has been replaced with a waxwork, which will be used for all of the prime monster's official duties. The Coalition for British Rehabilitation After Brown Excess has instituted this ground-breaking political reform in the interests of public-sector cheapness.
   "Waxworks are not known for indulging in reckless spending sprees," a spokesman for the Coalition told BlackFlag News in a telephone interview. "And they don't saddle the nation with outrageous policies designed to thrust taxpayers' cash into the pockets of their mates."
   Mrs. Cameron is reported to be delighted with the substitution, which will allow her to get a word in edgeways on official occasions. She is expected to attend more of them as her husband will now be free to look after the kids.

It's the Wisdom of Wogan, but Sir T. is right when he points out that England played as you'd expect for a team coached by an Italian who doesn't speak English.

MayanDumpster diving on a huge scale
90 local councils have minions rifling through bin bags and refuse lorries to glean details of the wealth, race and shopping habits of their customers. This is being done in the name of recycling, which is obvious tosh. The real reason is to build racial maps to let councils show greater partiality to smaller minorities. And it's also a first step to selling the data to commercial companies to let them target their marketing campaigns more efficiently.
The Environment Sec., C. Spelman, has now told councils to pack in their dumpster diving. [If she were a Labour minister, would she have to change her name to "That's-Not-How-You-Spell-'Spell'person?" Ed.]

MayanNew Labour lives on!
Haringey council in London is persisting with the looney left agenda, which has heaped derision on Labour councils up and down the country. The council is insisting on racial balance in primary school history lessons. So that's Newton, Galileo and Darwin out because they're white and they're being replaced by all sorts of obscure black American scientists, whose contribution is invisible next to that of the excluded whites.

clownLooney Lefties Live On!
Bristol council has been awarded a Clown Mark as a Council of Outstanding Natural Stupidity after a pair of its jobsworths harassed a family for putting up a wind-break for a picnic on Bristol Downs. The regulations ban permanent structures and tents, but say nothing about wind-breaks, a loophole which the jobsworths were probably trying to exploit as an excuse for bullying the people who pay their wages.

MayanHe might just be right!
Prince Chazzer sees it as his duty to save the world – he was born for it, in fact. Well, looking at the proposition objectively, it's difficult to see how he could make a worse job of things than the bunch of elected and self-appointed bozos, who tell us they're doing just that at vast public expense.

 UNSPORT NEWS 
Four Wheels Bad, Two Wheels Good

The stink at Hockenheim on the penultimate Sunday of the month was multiplied by the stench at Edmonton. Article 39.1 (2002) of the Formula One rules states that: "Team orders that interfere with a race result are prohibited". So how curious that Ferrari made it abundantly clear to their driver Massa, who was leading the German Grand Prix, that he had to pull over and let Alonso 'win' the race because he had more points in the drivers' championship.
   If Formula One had anything to do with sport, Alonso would be chucked out of the race classification and Ferrari would receive nul points for the constructors' championship. But hey, the FIA is in charge and everyone knows the initials stand for Ferrari International Assistance.
   Over in France, there were no team orders for the final leg of the bicycling Tour de France, the outcome was always going to be the survival of the most protected and fastest sprinter, and Mark Cavendish notched up his 15 TdF stage win in fine style. Only there was a lingering stench over Tour winner Contador on account of his lack of sporting spirit.
   The MotoGP race at Laguna Seca in California was always going to go to the fastest rider who could stay on his motorbike. Pedrosa proved that he was the fastest, launching himself into the lead at the start, but he couldn't stay on the track and the championship leader, Lorenzo, increased his lead to, effectively, 3 race wins over his rivals.
   In Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, the Indy cars were on a "street circuit", which was, in fact, a track marked out on the bumpy city airport. There, Castroneves was swindled out of a win by a drive-through penalty for 'blocking' on a track with acres of room, which the 'blocked' driver, Power, was taking full advantage of.
   A regular viewer of the Indy car series wrote: "The moron who gave Castroneves the penalty should be taken out and shot like a rabid dog to make sure he never, ever, gets the chance to ruin another motor race. The organizers of the event should hang their heads in shame for appointing such a brain-dead bozo as the race steward and Mr. Dixon, who was awarded the 'win' would decline it if he had a shed of decency and sporting spirit."
   [That would appear to sum things up nicely – Ed.]

 DEPARTURES 

Alex Higgins, 61

He lit a fire under the previously staid world of professional snooker. The Hurricane raced round a snooker table, usually tieless, and turned science into spectacle. He won numerous tournaments, he took the world title twice (1972 & 1982), he became the world doubles champion, appropriately, with Jimmy "The Whirlwind" White and he was a member of all-Ireland teams that won the snooker World Cup on 3 occasions. Sadly, Alex Higgins had a self-destructive Mr. Nasty side to his personality, but he will be remembered as the people's champion before such a concept became universal. He was an inspiration to all young players who saw him in action, and therein lies his legacy.

 FOODY NEWS 
So much for the alleged experts!

The German Farmers' Association seems to be run by a bunch of idiots. They have warned that people will have to get used to eating smaller chips because warmer weather is stunting the growth of German spuds. So, more irrigation and selective breeding for larger, hot weather tolerant spuds are out of the question, chaps?

space news
 SPACE NEWS 
Big, Bigger, Biggest!

British astronomers have found the biggest star ever spotted. They had to use the Very Large Telescope at the Atacama observatory in Peru as the star, which is 265 times bigger than the Sun, was much too huge to be fit on the CCDs of the Very Small and Fairly Average Telescopes. Planets couldn't survive next to this super-giant and it is destined to have a short life with a cataclysmically explosive ending.
    Curiously, Britain's astronomer royal, M. Rees, is rather dismissive of the discovery in his published reaction to it. Which leaves us wondering what gave him the hump so badly.

Pres. O'Bummer
 GULF NEWS 
    It all depends which side of the Atlantic
    you're on . . .

    Good News In The Gulf of Mexico!
BP has managed to cap the leaking oil well.

    Bad News In The Gulf of Mexico!
Pres. O'Bummer will order the cap to be opened if his popularity level drops any further and he needs a bad guy to beat up on to make himself look tough.

    Bad News In The Gulf of Mexico!
Pres. O'Bummer is going to get Congress to investigate BP and get the company declared guilty of freeing the Libyan Lockerbie Bomber in return for oil exploration rights from Col. Gadaffy.

    Good News In The Gulf of Mexico!
The US Congress won't be framing Exxon and all the other entirely American oil firms which bought oil exploration rights from the former pariah country.

MayanIt's all about the money, of course
President O'Bummer has accepted $71,000 in political contributions from BP staff. Will he be giving it back now that he's turned BP into Public Enemy Number One? Like that will happen!

MayanThe disaster and the message don't add up
Marine scientists are finding that the Gulf of Mexico has not been damaged beyond repair and, while serious, the situation is nowhere near as terminal as President O'Bummer has been painting it. Things are being repaired naturally and faster than expected, which rather confirms, as we suspected all along, that Mr. O'B has been shooting from the mouth to deflect attention from his own manifold failings.

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Romiley News
 ROMILEY NEWS 
  Yeah, right!

The NatWest bank claims it's trying to be Britain's most helpful bank. But the Romiley branch has just revised its opening time from 9:30 to 10:00 a.m. for every day of the week. How helpful is that?

Crime News
 CRIME NEWS 
Sometime, it's not a bad thing that there's never one around when you need one!

Apparently, mad gunman Raoul Moat had to recruit 2 pals when he went on the rampage, searching his part of Northumberland for a copper to shoot. So it looks like all the propaganda about police officers spending 80% of their shift out on the streets was just New Labour hot air, after all.

MayanIt's not just the government picking your pocket
The Chief Inspector of Probation, one A. Bridges, thinks it would be cheaper for a bankrupt nation to leave criminals committing violence, murder and theft in the community than to lock them up. So Gordon Brown's legacy will be expanded to include a crime wave, which will be made even worse by a reduction in police numbers as well as closing all the prisons.

MayanHe's to blame!
Disgraced ex-prime monster A. B. Liar has admitted that it's his fault that Gordon Brown was inflicted on the nation with disastrous consequences for Britain's finances. Mr. Liar confessed this month that he was too chicken to slap the stroppy Brown into place, and sack him when he went out of control, while he (Mr. Liar) was still prime minister.

MayanNutters are always winners in court
Are you a spy who decided to try to sell some of the intel that crossed your desk? Did you make a total bog of trying to sell British secrets to a foreign power? Don't worry! Just tell the judge you heard voices in your head when they put you on trial and you're bound to get away with it.

MayanCriminal solidarity
The late and not very lamented killer Raoul Moat must have been a bit popular with the people who knew him. The number of people arrested for helping him with his criminal activities has reached 16.

MayanAnother whitewash job
There will be no criminal charges for the cop who assaulted Mr. Ian Tomlinson as he was walking home on the day of the G20 protests on 20090401, even though Mr. Tomlinson died a matter of minutes later. Anyone would think New Labour was still in office. [Well, the people they appointed to make the whitewash decisions still are. Ed.]

Queen Victoria 50p
 DOSH NEWS 
    Pay yer own bloody way!

Cash flagsThere's nothing wrong with millionaire Liberal MP C. Huhne have a scriptwriter on £58K/year – as long as Huhne pays his ghost writer out of his own pocket rather than the taxpayer's.

Cash flagsCheeky thieving bastards!
The jobsworths of the European Commission have fined Britain £150 million for not flying the EU flag at projects paid for with British taxpayers' money, which took a round trip to Brussels and came back rather less than when it went out after the jobsworths had dipped their fingers into it.

Cash flagsWhen a US politician rails at BP, remember this . . .
Every US senator who didn't get a campaign contribution from BP is out to 'get' the company. Why? Because they're hoping Exxon will take over BP at a bargain price and be grateful, and very generous, to the senators who made it possible by talking down the BP share price.

Cash flagsThe bigger they are, the more bent they are!
Goldmine Sachs has been fined a paltry $550 million (1 week's takings) for perpetrating a multi-billion dollar scam. They sold investments designed to go bust to mugs – like the Royal Bank of Scotland, which went bust thanks to the insane business practices of the then boss, one Fred the Shred.

Cash flagsCrash & burn
The government's Spending Challenge website has been closed down. It was supposed to let the public give the Coalition suggestions for spending cuts, but it drowned in an unrelenting tide of derision.

 CLIMATE NEWS 
  Climategate Fallout

climate change sloganThe data-dodging shenanigans of the Climate Research Unit at East Anglia University and the excesses of the IPCC's Global Warming Swindlers have unleashed an earthquake of honesty, we have been assured. No longer will politically motivated climate scientists be allowed to hide data and dodgy calculation methods, and offer absolute certainty that the world is doomed by ignoring huge error limits in their speculations.
   Everything will be subject to proper scrutiny from now on, and there will be an end to the past abuses of the peer review process, which have left the Global Warming swindlers' speculations unchallenged in supposedly reputable scientific journal and contrary views suppressed.
   We'll see.
 • The reputations of climate scientists in the United States have sunk so low that they have started to get death threats from the usual suspects.

climate change sloganGreenwash applied
The latest "inquiry" into the Climategate scandal has ruled that it is okay:
 • to withhold data from anyone who might subject it to proper scrutiny and reach conclusions contrary to those of Global Warming Swindlers,
 • to supply misleading data to organizations like the World Meteorological Organization, and
 • to frustrate the process of peer review if it benefits the Global Warming Swindlers at the United Nations.
   The conclusion of the "inquiry" is that any "scientist" who feels religious fervour about a cause is not subject to the rules of scrutiny and scrupulousness, which apply to proper scientists.

climate change sloganWe all have to suffer sometime
The North West is under a hosepipe ban and fish rescue is suddenly big business as rivers dry up in the current drought. Farm prices are set to soar and there will be a shortage of the hay and straw needed by horse ranchers. But at least the Global Warming Swindlers, whose wings have been clipped by the Climategate scandal, aren't rushing about, claiming the dry conditions as proof of their scam.

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 NEWS NEWS 
  Get yer wallet out

The Times and Sunday Times website is now pay-per-view. Murdoch International, the company which owns the titles, thinks it will deliver higher quality potential buyers to its advertisers if it bars access to the sort of peasant who expects to get news for free.

volcano
 TRAVEL NEWS 
  No stone left unpaved?

The jobsworths in charge of the Snowdonia national park have decided to install tarmac paths and reduce the severity of some gradients in the name of disabled access. Their aim is to reduce the overall height of the mountain to below 2,000 feet and use the spoil to level out inconvenient irregularities.
   When this has been achieved, all those claiming disability benefits will be obliged to make an annual pilgrimage to a clocking-in machine at summit of mount Snowdon to prove that they are exercising their right to access to the countryside.

MayanMetal Machiavelli at it again?
The Serious Fraud Squad has done the tour of Mandelsleaze Towers, home of Britain's greasiest New Labourite, as part of a case involving the international aluminium industry. The US Justice Department is also involved. The Mandelsleaze, when EU trade commissioner, was notorious for reducing aluminium tariffs to the benefit of those billionaires whose hospitality he had enjoyed.

world news
 WORLD NEWS 
You couldn't make it up!

The US National Constitution Center has awarded the 2010 Liberty medal (left, above) to shamed British prime minister Tony B. Liar for "bringing liberty to the world". He also gets $100,000, some of which is shown above (right). The NCC gives an annual award to those whose actions represent the founding principles of the United States.
   In Mr. Liar's case, this year's criteria were war-mongering, money-grubbing and prospering through bending the truth out of shape. When asked what he would spend the money on, Mr. Liar looked embarrassed and muttered something about his wife wanting a couple of hundred more handbags and some shoes.

MayanBandwagon time!
The Italian government intends to follow the lead of Greece, which is selling off islands to get out of its Brown Hole. The Italians will sell off national assets to reduce their debt mountain, so on offer are royal palaces, grand villas, beaches, islands and even bits of mountains. If you have the dosh, they'll sell it to you!

MayanThe latest 'must have' export from Colombia . . .
. . . is replicas of the World Cup made out of gold-plated cocaine. Which explains why the recommended retail price for them is US$1 million and not many of them get past checks by the Colombian export police.

MayanThe way ahead on immigration?
A swap of 10 failed Russian spies for 4 Russians, who were successful enough to end up in gaol, has resulted in a positive population shift for the United States. British immigration officials are now looking at parallel schemes for swapping large numbers of undesirables for small numbers of less undesirable foreigners as a way of repairing some of the damage wrought by New Labour's lack of immigration controls.

MayanAnyone but him!
Polls in the United States are reporting the Pres. O'Bummer will not get a second term. But the Democraps might retain power with another candidate if they have the courage to ditch a loser, as the Republicans have yet to field anyone (including Sarah Palin) whom the US public would like to see in the White House.

MayanSomeone's gotta be lying
Pres. O'Bummer claims he was 'surprised' when the dying Lockerbie bomber A. M'Grahi was released. But at the time, the US embassy was corresponding with the Scottish parliament and expressing a preference for making M'Grahi stay in Scotland, but free, instead of letting him return to Libya. So are we to believe that the embassy wasn't keeping the White House informed about all this?

MayanGovernment of the people by the government
The FSB, Russia's rebranded KGB, now has the power to lock up people who look like they might be thinking about committing a crime or doing something the government doesn't like. The move is seen as a way of steering the current prime monster, V. Putin, back into the president's job after everyone who looks like they might vote against him has been locked up.

MayanPots & Kettles?
The US Defence establishment has accused the WikiLeaks website of having "blood on its hands" after reporting what's really going on in Iraq & Afghanistan. Well, they're experts in that field, and not just at splashing a bit of blood onto hands.

This Month's Garbage

The Garbage

The ref for Holland versus Brasil and the Brasilian team.

The Uruguayan cheats, who were allowed to put Ghana out of the World Cup.

The German team which lost to Spain. Why didn't the coach stick to the gang which put four each past England & Argentina?

Lord Two Jags.

The World Cup ultraviolence final.

Sacked Labour minister D. Blunkett, if he thinks anything written by the Mandelsleaze can be considered a reliable "historical record".

Sickos who seek to turn mad dog killers into saints and relatives of mad dog killers with their eyes fixed on a compensation pot.

Tour de France barmy biker A. Contador, whose sporting instincts evaporate when there's something in it for him, like a chance to grab the leader's yellow jersey.

Prime monster D. Cameron, who thinks it's clever to talk his country down while visiting Pres. O'Bummer, and who wants to be the lying, cheating, swindling Heir to Blair.

Prisons minister C. Blunt, who has joined the New Labour 'Be Nice To Criminals' campaign along with K. Clarke, the justice minister.

Trivial Democrat minister and nutter C. Huhne, who thinks windmills are "intensely competitive" in the energy market if you ignore the 100% subsidy they get and the fact that their power costs 3x as much as power from an "always on" proper power station.

The bin is ready & Mandelson

 
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