|Every edition of BFN is compiled|
in accordance with official 10 Downing Street guidelines on accuracy and veracity.
A recycled Merry Xmas & a Good New Year
to all our readers and rotten ones to miserable multiculturalists, dastardly diversifiers and all other Xmas denyers.
BlackFlag News would like to thank all who contributed to the 2007 issues and we hope to hear from you again, and your friends, in 2008!
The Great Daily Mail Xmas Swindle!
Everyone gets a prize!
What was sent was an almost invisible pair of earrings for someone with pierced ears. Can anyone spot the diamonds?
|Got it a bit wrong, didn't you, mate?|
Will the coroner who declared the canoe-scammer John Darwin dead in 2003 lose his job for incompetence? Or will he be kept on the books in case scotch gordon broon needs to pull the same amnesia trick over his manifold disappearing acts?
More spin instead of substance
The government has come up with another way to stop prison overcrowding. From next year, magistrates & judges will be told not to send drug dealers to gaol. And judges will be instructed to phone around to find out if there's a free gaol place before they are allowed to send a criminal to prison.
21st century policing in action?
Hartlepool police have so little to do with themselves that they are persecuting a dead man and his widow. John Darwin was certified dead after a canoe accident in 2002 but his corpse was still hauled into court this month. And when his widow returned to this country from her new home in Panama, Greater Manchester Police sent a SWAT team armed with sub-machine guns to arrest her as she stepped off the plane. Just what did they think she was going to do if they didn't have the guns?
New technology = new opportunity for criminals
Somerfield supermarkets recently introduced fancy new baskets, which can be carried or towed on their built-in wheels using an extendible handle. They cost £70 a time and some supermarkets have noticed that they are disappearing at a hell of a rate. Customers like them so much that they're taking them home as a free gift.
Another brown hand in your pocket
HM Revenue & Customs is running a scam thought to have been devised by scotch gordon himself when he was chancellor. People are told that their personal details have been lost, exposing them to fraud and identity theft, and they are advised to give the government £12 to pay for more stringent checks to find out if anyone is using the allegedly lost data to obtain credit.
The Truth Will Out
Environment minister joan ruddock has broken step with her party leadership to confirm that a 'pay as you throw' charge for refuse is, indeed, just another stealth tax. The brown regime has been trying to label it 'an incentive' and not a tax.
| Clunking Fist, Climate Blunder|
The government's insistence on a ban on smoking in pubs is killing the planet. Smokers driven out of doors are basking in the warmth of the patio heaters that landlords were obliged to install to keep their customers. But the heaters are belching vast amounts of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere; a problem which would not have arisen if our nanny state had listened to good advice and permitted pubs 'n' clubs to offer smoking rooms.
The truth is what the government wants it to be
The government has been caught out in yet more lies and spin over what it pretends to be doing about climate change. Its official figures on carbon dioxide emissions from Britain left out aviation, shipping, overseas trade, travel and several other categories so that scotch gordon could claim, falsely, that carbon dioxide emissions have gone down under his leadership. A team from Oxford University blew the gaff on his swindle. They are expected to lose their funding in the near future.
Dream on, scotch!
The government is planning to erect 7,000 off-shore wind turbines between 2008 and 2020, claiming that they will generate 33 gigaWatts of power by dishonestly ignoring the fact that the wind doesn't blow all round the clock and an output of 11 GW is more likely. The cost of the turbines is over £50 billion. Nuclear power stations to provide the same amount of power would cost £20 billion.
The plan would require building 2 turbines per day. Denmark tried (and abandoned) the same thing and found that the practical limit is 2 per week. Even worse, more billions of taxpayers' pounds would have to be spent on making the national power grid resistant to the inevitable power surges when strong winds blow.
The whole madcap scheme just illustrates scotch gordon's lack of contact with financial realities and his inability to learn from the bad experiences of others.
Same old, same old
The UN has cobbled together a worthless climate change deal in Bali. It purports to be a road map but it has no ultimate destination and it contains no targets. All it commits the world's governments to do is spend the next 2 years jawing and having junkets. At least the United States and Russia are planning to sign and forget the deal.
The end point of the climate-changers is a reduction of carbon dioxide emissions. They have chosen to ignore the fact that while carbon dioxide emissions are currently rising, global temperatures are stuck at the 1998 levels, which suggests that their model for predicting the way the climate responds to human intervention is seriously flawed.
As a footnote, it should be recorded that the fortnight of the Bali conference, and all the travelling involved, put more carbon dioxide into the atmosphere than Madagascar does in a whole year.
A waste of our time and our money
The government plans to waste even more taxpayers' money on a 'Climate Cost' review of each new policy. Those which the government thinks will make it look good will get the usual falsified endorsement. Policies which the people want, but which offer no benefits to the labour party and its supporters will be rejected on bogus environmental grounds.
A character actor who enjoyed long-running success in TV sitcoms has died at 74. He was persuaded by his mother to go into acting, instead of becoming a doctor, and he became an established performer in 'light' productions including musicals and reviews. He appeared in films, including The Day of the Jackal (1973), and he had a successful stage career as an actor and a director. He starred in the 1980s TV sitcom Fresh Fields, which won an Emmy, and then May to December (1999-94), and his TV credits also include Midsomer Murders.
A prolific writer and anthologist has died at 67. He began his career in journalism then joined the publisher New English Library as an editor. He went freelance and then became a full-time writer. He was noted for reviving books and stories by forgotten authors, and for unearthing previously unpublished stories by authors of Ray Bradbury's ilk.
His own lengthy catalogue of works includes novels and a string of non-fiction works on wide range of topics, including military matters, British space research, quirky aspects of history, The H.G. Wells Scrapbook (1978) and similar works about Doctor Who, Sherlock Holmes and Count Dracula.
A prolific composer of experimental works has died at 79. He embraced electronic music in the 1950s and 1960s, and created his own musical vocabulary, which required copious explanation. He achieved cult status on the basis of work created up to the 1970s, and he had a habit of writing without regard for the practicalities of performance or the stamina of the audience. He spent the last 30 years of his life working on the world's longest opera, Licht, which is designed to be performed over 7 days and last a punishing 29 hours. There was a built-in degree of inaccessibility in his work, which encouraged the pretentious to feel superior to those who chose not to get involved with it.
A pioneer of rock & soul, and one of their bad boys, has died at 76. He is known equally for the music that he made with his sometime wife, Tina, and for battering her. She got her own back via a successful solo career and an exposé autobiography (which was turned into a knocking-job film). Ike played piano and guitar, for which he won awards, and did a lot of drugs and messing about with weapons, which got him gaol time. He eventually cleaned up his act and revived his career, and he was able to carry on working right up to his death.
The once-proud world-beating British chemical company has been dismembered gradually over the last few decades. The rump has now fallen into the clutches of Akzo Nobel of the Netherlands.
One of the dwindling band of jazz greats had died at 82. This Canadian composer and wizard of the keyboard played with everyone worth knowing in the jazz world. He began his recording career in the 1930s and built up an impressive catalogue of original works and Oscar Peterson plays . . ., featuring the works of other composers.
His technique, improvisation talent and mastery of jazz piano styles won him an international following in the post-war years. He played as the anchor in the evolving Oscar Peterson Trio from the 1950s to the 1970 before becoming a solo performer.
He collected 7 Grammy awards and the privilege of being the first living non-royal Canadian to appear on a postage stamp; there was a special issue to mark his birthday in 2005.
The first woman democratically elected as prime minister of a Moslem country died at an election rally in Rawlpindi. Ms. Bhutto was sacked twice from the job of prime minister over corruption allegations, she and her husband (b.k.a. Mr Ten Per Cent) stashed billions in Switzerland and the Isle of Man, and her governments were seen as largely ineffective.
She spent 8 years in self-imposed exile until she received an amnesty on the corruption charges after the terrorist attacks on the United States in September 2001. She did, however, received a suspended gaol sentence in Switzerland for money laundering
Her triumphant return in October for Pakistan's elections, promised for next year, was marred by an attack by a suicide bomber, which killed 130 people. She survived that attempt on her life but fell victim this month to another assassin, who blew himself up.
Diabolical or opportunist?
Is the labour party clever enough to sacrifice a few pawns by soliciting illegal cash donations to the party's funds as a way of digging its fist deeper into the taxpayer's pocket? scotch gordon certainly looks like he's getting up the nerve to steamroller through Parliament, a bill giving political parties as much cash as they can handle out of the public purse.
Yet another shameful example of brown values
The strategy behind labour's illegal donations policy has come out. The party made 'lazy and stupid' jack dromey its treasurer, knowing that he would never take the trouble to inspect the books and spot any dodginess.
Tesco supermarkets have come up with a crafty wheeze for giving shoppers bogus bargains. They shove the price of something up by £1 then, a couple of weeks later, advertise a bogus promotion and try to make shoppers think they're getting £1 off when all that's happening is that they're paying the same price they paid 3 weeks before.
Anyone who bought milk, cheese, butter and other dairy products in a major supermarket over the last 5 years might have been ripped off by a price-fixing scam. The Office of Fair Trading has been dishing out fines amounting to tens of millions of pounds to the worst offenders, and dairy products customers are advised to contact HM Treasury (prop. him with the eyebrows) with their compensation claims.
Another swindle on the way
Bog-ups by the people in charge of the welfare system and fraud are costing the taxpayer £2.5 billion every year. But the government has an answer to the problem; it plans to introduce a new calculation method to make the problem vanish over the next 10 years.
High Street Robbery!
If you go to some branches of WH Smith, Argos, HMV, Virgin, John Lewis & Curry's, you could be ripped off. The prices of goods in some of their stores are double what lucky customers in other areas are charged. The stores appear to be pricing their goods according to what they think they can get away with in a particular area.
Screw the customer
A survey in Romiley has found that the December phone bill is three times higher than November's for the Virgin Media customer. Higher connection charges, higher prices and charging for a full extra minute if a call lasts x minutes plus 1 second have all contributed to this shocker. "Virgin is screwing the customer from every angle possible," a disgruntled client said. "No wonder they're losing so many of them."
Shivering in their boots
The Russian government has backed out of a major exhibition at the Royal Academy in London. Pres. Putin is worried that the real owners of looted works will try legal action to recover them or get a replacement picture as compensation. He's also worried that anyone who has been swindled by the Soviet/Russian governments will also try to have art works awarded to them as compensation.
The Russians are also embarrassed by their part in the murder of the dissenter Alexandr Litvinyenko, who was poisoned with radioactive polonium from a Russian nuclear facility. The prime suspect, who left a radioactive trail from the Urals to the Atlantic, is now a member of the Russian parliament. 'Nuff said!
Pres. Putin is also reluctant to visit Britain now it has become known that he has acquired through opaque proxies, holdings in Russian businesses worth £20-40 billion and he has vast amounts of cash stashed in Swiss and other banks.
A one-man calamity
Ever wondered how Pres Mugabe of Zimbabwe keeps going in a bankrupt country? It's because the Chinese government has lent him money and doesn't expect to be repaid if Mug does what they say. Mug has copped for £100 million thus far and he wants another £900 million for his pension fund.
Some bugger is telling porkies
brown 'n' darling insist that the economy is sound. But the Treasury's deficit of spending over income for November was £11.2 billion, which is another world record and greater than the deficits run up by the Major government when the country was coming out of a recession in 1993/94. So the obvious conclusion is that broon & darling are lying.
Seek & Destroy!
If the world's banks have lost $100 billion through giving mortgages to people who couldn't afford them and buying up debts without finding out if they were bad debts, then SOME BUGGER HAS TO HAVE THE CASH. So what the world's governments should be doing is identifying this guy AND TAXING THE HELL OUT OF THE BASTARD!
to HM the Queen for becoming Britain's oldest monarch. If she can keep going until 2015/09/09, she will beat Queen Victoria's record as the longest serving monarch.
|Class war flops|
labour's mean-spirited attempts to end fox-hunting with dogs to give the toffs one in the eye have collapsed in failure. The 2005 Act lies in ruins in the Appeal Court, where it was judged to be so badly drafted as to be unenforceable.
Home Office Update
There are now thought to be 11,000 illegal immigrants working in the security industry, which is twice the figure that the Home Sec. has admitted to Parliament.
In the national interest?
The government is making plans to nationalize the failing Northern Rock bank. "The move is vital to protect labour votes in the key North-East region," a government spokesperson said.
Only under a labour government
The Home Office has spent so long doing nothing about evicting bogus asylum seekers that it has decided to grant a stealth amnesty to 165,000 of them. Why? Because they've been in this country so long that chucking them out would violate their 'Uman Rights.
Pathetic, or what!
They knew it was wrong but they did it anyway
The Public Accounts Select Committee has decided that senior labour party members quite deliberately broke the spirit of the law by soliciting secret loans then trying to hide what they had done when the cash for honour row broke. Having a labour supporting Director of Public Prostitutions helped to keep antonio b. liar, lord levy and the others out of court.
Hands up . . .
. . . anyone who gives a rat's arse if smug bugger is pretending to be a Catholic nutter.
Bless me, Father, but I ain't sinned
smug bugger has come up with an interesting slant on the Catholic's obligation to confess sins. If he thinks he was right; invading Iraq on a lie, taking cash for access to ministers & honours, etc.; then it wasn't a sin and he has nothing to confess!
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Misheard TV news headline:
"Russia's Criminal Elections"
[Or was it misheard, seeing Mr. Putin has been going in for ballot-box stuffing, intimidation, forcing everyone on the state payroll, including the armed forces, to vote for him and all the other tricks of a communist one-party state? Ed.]
Misheard TV news headline #2:
"Once the Prisoners' getaway gets under way . . ."
The misheard word was Christmas in a news report about people going away for the holiday, although it could have been a report on the latest labour scam involving evicting inmates early and pretending there's plenty of slack in the prison system.
|Legal grooming for commercial purposes|
Toy manufacturers are using the tactics of paedophiles against kids in chatrooms. They're putting employees online to pose as kids to groom genuine kids into buying the company's products. The companies are also using psychologists to come up with lines which the groomers can pass on to kids to increase their 'Buy This Toy' pester-power with their parents.
Unwanted Xmas cards
The Royal Mail's stealth tactics have created a tsunami of public indignation. Non-delivery of goods ordered for Xmas is bad enough but customers have voted the tactic of sneaking up to a front door, showing a card saying 'You were out when we called' through the letterbox and sneaking away again a crime worthy of the death penalty in a cage full of starving rats.
brown enters the spirit of the Web!
Our accident-prone prime monster has finally cottoned on to what a website is all about self-promotion and nothing else. So he had the 10 Downing Street website remade to air-brush out all of his calamities, such as bottling a general election, dodgy donations to his party, losing the data of half the people in the country through his botched 'reforms', stealing Tory policies for his final budget, etc.
When the censoring was completed, it left an empty page. So scotch took a leaf out of the smug bugger book of political self-promotion and invented some triumphs to fill up the blank space. Is this a sign that grim, grey gordon is finally loosening up and becoming somewhat human?
|Conspiracy Theories thrive on this sort of stuff.|
In the Eagles/Cowboys NFL match in Dallas on 2007/12/16, the officials failed to issue penalties for a helmet-to-helmet assault by a Cowboys' defender, which put an Eagles' player out of the match; a facemask grab by one of the Cowboys; a spike by J. Jones of the Cowboys; and one the Cowboys running into the Eagles' punter. They also slowed the Eagles down with a totally bogus false start penalty.
While we hesitate to say that the bad calls were a result of bias, it's rather strange that the Cowboys weren't similarly inconvenience. And rather gratifying to note that the Eagles triumphed over artificial adversity to win.
Anyone picked to play football for England will be required to learn Italian before reporting to the training ground as the new England coach has a small problem with the lingo. "My English is not well," he announced after getting the job.
So far, so perfect!
Congrats to the New England Patriots for becoming only the second team in NFL history to remain unbeaten through the regular season. Their next target is to make it through the playoffs and win the next Super Bowl to match the '72 Dolphins' "Perfect Season", which remains the only one of its kind for the moment.
The Patriots travelled to the Meadowlands in New Jersey, home of the Giants, on 2007/12/29 for their final regular season match. A win would do nothing for either side's standings in the play-offs, so all that was on the line was a perfect season versus being the team that spoiled a perfect season. Both teams could have rested their leading players, but both turned up ready to complete.
A running play then a 52 yard pass from Manning to Burress got the Giants to the New England 18. The Giants wasted a challenge on an incomplete pass on the next play but Jacobs ran through a couple of tackles to take a 7 yard pass into the end zone. 0-7. The Patriots had no problems with a 4th down in Giants territory but they were held to a 37 yard field goal from Gostkowski. 3-7.
The Giants had to punt after a 3rd down drop by Toomer. A sack by 58 was wiped out by an illegal contact penalty and the Patriots went on to start the 2nd quarter with a 4 yard touchdown pass to Moss. 10-7. The Pats kicked off from their 15 after a delay-of-game penalty for a spike by Moss and Hixon ran the kick back 74 yards for a TD! 10-14. The Patriots' next 2 drives ended in FGs of 46 and 37 yards, and gave them a 16-14 lead.
Inside the last 2 minutes, the Giants reached the NE 19. Punch-up! The Giants called a time-out but got it back when NE collected a 5 yard penalty. Manning scrambled to the 4 with 21 seconds left. Then he found Boss with a TD pass. 16-21 at half time.
The Patriots went 3 & out to start the 3rd quarter. Jacobs made a lot of ground but the Giants' drive ended with a 19 yard TD pass to Burress. 16-28. Brady continued to be battered, Welker gained a lot of ground, the Pats got to the Giants' 1 on end-zone pass interference, they went back 5 yards for an illegal formation but Maroney rushed into the end zone. 23-28.
A 3rd down sack by Thomas forced the Giants to punt. More punting took the match into the 4th quarter. Moss dropped a big one, but Brady chucked another pass to him on the next play and his 65 yard TD made the score 31-28 after a successful 2-point conversion.
Manning was intercepted by Hobbs. The Pats survived a sack by Torbor and a 4 yard TD run by Mahoney put them 10 points up with 4½ minutes to play. The Giants seemed to go slow-down instead of hurry-up! They were at the NE 16 by the 2 minute warning. A 3 yard TD pass to Burress put them a FG behind at 38-35 with a minute left. Their on-side kick try went straight to the Patriots so The End of the Giants' hopes of an upset.
|No go areas to return?|
Truckers are threatening to bring Xmas shoppers to a standstill with a mass protest against fuel prices. The government, which has made British fuel the most expensive in Europe with its stealth taxes, brought in laws to deprive militant truckers of their livelihood after the 2000 fuel protests. So there should be some interesting pictures for the TV news services if the protest goes off.
It's open house, come and go as you please
The state of our broon labour government's control of our borders is highlighted by the way the supposedly dead canoeist John Darwin was able to go abroad and return to Britain at will with a decidedly dodgy passport.
Going to Afghanistan isn't a junket
Our current temporary prime monster, scotch gordon broon, has decided to talk to the Taliban Z-list, who are barely Taliban at all. He hopes to persuade them to become a semblance of decent human beings if he bribes them with enough British taxpayers' cash.
scotch gordon has denied that he has any intention of talking to anyone associated with the Taliban, however loosely. Which is a dead giveaway that this exactly what he intends to do.
Don't move; you know it makes sense!
Warning! If you can find a train running in the holiday period, when the train operators are offering a 56-hour shut-down, the fare will be a rip-off.
Somewhere else to avoid!
In addition to Pakistan, Kenya is not a good place to visit at the moment as the natives are revolting following crude election fraud by the government to give itself another term. Even the Yanks have withdrawn their congratulations for the election 'victory', so the present regime has no credibility and $800M of foreign aid could start to evaporate.
|Sink the Bismark? Only if it's a rowing boat!|
Ten years of scotch gordon as chancellor have reduced the Royal Navy to a small shambles with ageing and defective ships. The Navy couldn't even repeat it's limited role in the 2003 Iraq War now, and defending the Falklands? Forget it! Too much cash has gone on 'big toys' projects, which are always delivered late and vastly over budget.
What else are they lying about?
Shamed (?) by the lie about Saddam Hussein's weapons of mass destruction, upon which the 2003 Iraq War was launched, American Intelligence has admitted that Iran abandoned its nuclear weapons programme in 2004 and Pres Bush's sabre-rattling ever since has been just empty posturing.
The perils of arty-craftism
The world of Islam is after the bloke who got the Turner prize for dressing up in a bear costume. Apparently, someone started the rumour that the bear was called Mohammed. And animal rights terrorists are also interested in having a few words with him for his part in the senseless slaughter of wildlife for the costume industry.
Yanks shooting their mouths off!
The CIA's announcement that Iran gave up trying to make nukes in 2003 has upset the British spying establishment. Why? Because the government has tasked it with creating a dodgy dossier on Iran (similar to the load of lies used to start the 2003 Iraq war) and the job just got a whole lot harder.
One quick snort and you're out!
Soldiers who are fed up with the labour party's abuse of their service have found a quick way to get out of the army. They take a snootful of coke just before the drug testers come around, and they're gone in double-quick time. In fact, so many are taking this exit route that the government is giving them the option of joining up again 2 years later.
Look for the isolation period to come down further as the government gets more desperate for bodies; unless some bright spark comes up with the idea of making illegal migrants serve a 5-year stretch with distinction in the armed services before they can stay here.
Bunch of bloody trouble-makers!
The 'dim-witted' ITV show London Tonight abandoned a viewer poll to find a name for a newborn lamb when 95% of those who joined in picked 'Mohammed'.
They don't like it up 'em!
The Pope has ordered his bishops to recruit and train exorcism SWAT teams. Apparently, Pope Rottweiler I is worried about the rise of Satanism, which he thinks no one else is taking seriously. Could it be that someone gave him a Dennis Wheatley omnibus for Xmas?
What are they thinking?
The death of Benazir Bhutto seems to have been taken as an excuse for an orgy of rioting, arson and looting, which has brought Pakistan to a standstill. And all her supporters can do is try to pick a fight with the government over whether she died of a fractured skull or a bullet wound.
Which leaves the rest of us wondering what sort of weird people they are. After all, if someone knocked off our clunking prime monster, or the prime ministerial hopeful Dave the Leader, you'd probably be hard pressed to find half a dozen people who would give the proverbial rat's ass for the loss of a politician; either one exposed in office as a flop or one yet to achieve that fate.
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
BlackFlag News plans to launch a social networking website for people who don't use the Internet. "Why should these people be left out?" our Editor asks.
Watch this space for further details!
|Chavism rejected in Venezuela|
Pres Putin of Russia must be frowning over the result of the constitutional referendum in Venezuela, in which Pres Chav's mighty electoral machine was outmatched by opposition forces which didn't have a fist sunk deep into the public purse. The people said a slender 'No!' to the notion of Pres Chav for life. Will Putin be able to get away with the same deal?
Shiver in your shoes, you Cockneys!
The Chinese government is evicting people in the way of its 2008 Olympics at a rate of 13,000 per month. Which should make anyone living in the 2012 Olympic zone feel very nervous.
A blast from the past
The Russian government is using contract hooligans to beat up members of the BBC's staff in Moscow. The intimidation tactics are part of a campaign to stop the Beeb showing footage of anti-government demonstrations and interviews with politicians other than members of the government. It's the sort of thing which new labour would have loved to have the courage to have done.
Thanks a bunch!
Something else which scotch gordon has done for the nation he's had four non-British al qaida terrorist suspects released from Guantanamo Bay because they used to live here. Strangely, the listening prime monster didn't bother asking the British people if they wanted these characters back among us.
Like a thief in the night
scotch gordon broon was so ashamed about signing the Lisbon Treaty, and reneging on his promise of a referendum on it, that he sneaked to Portugal too late to be in the photographs and applied his signature behind closed doors with all photographers firmly locked out.
Operation Image Polish
The Pope, who doesn't have a 'happy image', has hired Italian film director Franco Zeffirelli to make him look less rottweilerish to the customers. BFN would like to suggest that British film director Michael Winner be given the chance to do a similar polishing job on miserable git scotch gordon.
The Insolence of Office
The Lisbon Treaty doesn't come into force for over a year, and only if it is ratified by all the member states, but the European Commission is pushing its luck. It has decided to appoint an EU ambassador to Africa, who will have no legal status but a licence to spend as much taxpayers' cash as he/she can scrounge.
Great idea; if they can make it work!
The Egyptian government plans to copyright the pyramids, the sphinx, all of its other Pharaonic monuments and museum exhibits. The intention is to raise money to fund the upkeep of thousands of historic sites.
The law will apply to full-scale precise copies of monuments and museum objects, and exact images such as photographs, used for commercial purposes. Models which are larger or smaller than the original, and inaccurate drawings, will remain copyright-free.
Quite how the Egyptians propose making people pay up has not yet been revealed.
|Created for Romiley Anarchists' League by workers in revolt against oppression.|
Sole © RAL, December 2007.