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A READER RANTS . . .
This equation should be taught in all math classes! From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:
If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that while Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top!
The Climate industry is currently locked in competition to come up with the most blood-curdling consequence of climate change. Complete melting of the Greenland ice cap and a rise in sea levels of 7 metres is top of the pops this month. Loss of one or more the Amazonian jungle, the west Antarctic ice sheet and the Thermocline current (which controls the Indian continent's monsoon and the Gulf Stream) runs a close second.
"We were just a few fractions out, guys!"
"We were just a few fractions out, guys!"
All talk and no substance
More reckless spending by a stupid government"
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
New on the World Wide Web This brilliant resource which exposes Nigerian-type 419 scams, bogus lotteries & job offers, phishing attempts and much, much more!
If this is so bloody new, how come there's stuff that's been on the website since 2002? Ed.
It may just be your reporter's cloth ears, or it may be a product of scotch gordon's budget cuts, but there appears to be a statement-issuing organization called The Association of Cheap Police Officers around.
A change of business plan
The next form of attack?
Soggy on crime
Police demand life without possibility of parole for sausage-hurling
A logical impossibility
A deployment of limited scope
A prolific writer of radio plays, and the creator of Inspector Frost, has died at 79. In the late 1960s, Mr. Wingfield was able to give up on office jobs and spend the next 20 years writing plays with a twist in the ending for BBC radio. He came to the attention of the publisher Macmillan, which offered him a non-returnable advance of £50 for a novel in 1972. Mr. Wingfield offered Frost At Christmas, which was duly rejected.
The man who invented Manchester has died at 57. He began his career with Granada TV and became well known as a presenter of Granada Reports. He then branched out into business ventures associated with the music scene in Manchester, founding Factory Records and opening the Hacienda club. He had a flair for giving opportunities to up and coming talent, and a talent for making a total bog of the money side of his business ventures.
Spain's equivalent of the BBC has decided that it can't show them live during the day in case children are watching. This surrender to bogus political correctness is widely seen as a victory for the anti-bullfighting lobby. TVE has decided to relegate them to a late night highlights spot. Luckily for fans of the spectacle, however, it is still readily available live in the afternoon on the many regional TV channels.
One of the most exciting quarterbacks has been lost to the sport of American crunch through his off-the-field activities. Michael Vick delighted the fans of the Atlanta Falcons with his scrambling ability and his amazing stats for rushing yards gained, which more than made up for his lack of a strong throwing arm.
Virgin Atlantic conspired with British Airways to defraud passengers over fuel surcharges but VA escaped a criminal record (and DNA sampling of all the staff) by shopping BA to the government's competition watchdog. So BA copped for a fine of £270 million and VA got off scot free.
The Iraq war costs Britain £31 per second. Which doesn't sound much until you realize it adds up to £80,000,000 per month. The United States, meanwhile, has already wasted $250,000,000,000 on Iraq.
Elvis has an annual income of over $200,000,000. Not bad for a guy who's been dead for the last 30 years.
The latest government scam . .
Finger pointing paper tigers
Rosy days ahead for the legal profession
Buckets of opportunities to come in the banking world
Save the planet; and a few bob!
Buckets of opportunities in war zones!
CORRECTIONS & CLARIFICATIONS
Last month, it was floods, which were made worse by the labour government's cuts in the budget for constructing & maintaining flood defences. This month, it's an outbreak of foot & mouth disease in Surrey (suspiciously close to a laboratory complex where vaccines are being developed). The last outbreak in 2001 cost the taxpayer £8 billion. As the same dozy bunch is responsible for stopping this latest outbreak, confident, we ain't!
A Nation Mourns (don't you just wish!)
"The dog ate my thesis, honest!"
Couch classics for all
Boris-Battering Season Opens
"What's he going to do now?"
Russian infiltrators are using a fleet of sub-miniature submarines to plant national flags in Romiley's puddles during wet weather as part of a campaign to annex the village by stealth. Stockport council's neglect of Romiley's pavements means that it is theoretically possible to lay claim to 82% of them by this method. The process is expected to take several years as the Russian fleet consists of just 2 s-m subs, which have to visit thousands of puddles.
Only half the population are idiots!
Mobbed Attraction = Disgruntled Tourists
"Now wash your hands"
Completely unnoticed in Romiley. The only surprising thing was that the presenters of Granada Reports in the evening didn't remember, or hadn't been briefed about, the long cluster of earthquakes around Manchester in 2002 (see our reports in the October edition of BlackFlag News).
Romiley in bloom
Small Earthquake in Manchester, no one killed
British Gas is letting its customers pay the company an extra £84 per year in return for what the mug can pretend is 'green' energy.
NASA's next Mars lander is safely in space and on its way, a journey which will take 10 months. If it survives its encounter with the Great Mars Gremlin, which has gobbled up 22 of the 35 spacecraft sent to the Red Planet since 1960, Phoenix will touch down near the north pole.
NASA tackles unfinished business
Desperate to claim pole position for the Hungarian Grand Prix, reigning Formula 1 champ Fernando Alonso deliberately delayed his departure from the pits after the final tyre changes of the qualifying session to ensure than his team mate would be screwed. Lewis Hamilton, waiting behind him for service, hit the track too late to be able to get in a final hot lap and he ended up in second place on the grid.
The Home Office has come up with a brilliant cash-raising wheeze. Criminals who haven't paid fines and health tourists from abroad scrounging on the NHS will be placed on the 'air-rage and disruptive passenger register' when our Border Police is up and running. This manoeuvre will prevent them from leaving the country, either to go on holiday or to go home, until they have settled their account.
"Holy carbon dioxide, Batman!"
The wrong sort of trains
The collapse of the bridge carrying Interstate highway 35W over the Mississippi river has given prominence to the fact that 70,000 other bridges in the roadway system have been classified 'structurally deficient'. Even more galling for the Great American Motorist is the fact that all of them, plus a further 30,000, could have been brought up to standard for what they've wasted on George Dubja Bush's Iraq war.
Chicken Germans Milkless & Helpless
Don't believe nuffing you see on TV!
Leave or stay here dead!
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