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The buzz-word of the moment is CHANGE. Everyone is using it from plastic celebs to . . . well, more plastic celebs. Change there has to be whether or not it is for the better. So, in this spirit of the times, we at BlackFlag News have embraced the spirit of the sincerity behind these pledges of change and changed ourselves beyond recognition.
The looney left council of Fuenlabrada, near Madrid, has ruled that one-half of all road signs and street crossing signs should show a female figure instead of the current male figures and marching men at crossings. BlackFlag News is still waiting to learn which member of the council owns the local sign-making business.
Vitamin of the Month : D
A caff in Leeds is offering fish bits the scraps of batter that fall off when battered chip shop fish is fried at £2 per bowlful. Healthy eaters are horrified and fish 'n' chips fans are aghast because fish bits should be free.
Meanwhile, in Peking, there was a guy selling steamed buns containing 40% fatty meat. To compensate and make them healthier, the other 60% was pork-flavoured shredded and pulped cardboard, which is 100% non-fattening. To the despair of local slimmers, the police have closed the operation down.
Also in China, where 700,000 people die every year due to pollution, shoppers seek out vegetables with insect bites to ensure that they aren't drenched with pesticides. But cheeky bugger grocers and street vendors are now using ticket punches to clip the edges of leaves to make their products seem more desirable.
The Environment Agency has decided to give up on the east coast of England. Defending it against floods and coastal erosion is too expensive and the future policy for the area will be one of a 'managed retreat' over the next 20-30 years. What's left of the east coast will be uninhabited and 'abandoned to Nature' by 2035, according to the Agency's latest target.
More unintended consequences!
Business opportunity grabbed!
Spit the bones out of this!
Spit the bones out of this, too!
Parallel processes but are they really linked?
All this weather we've been having, and the floods & everything . . .
From the first of this month, police officers are not permitted to enter premises where a crime is being committed if the perpetrator of the crime is smoking. This is just one of the startling Health 'n' Safety consequences of the new ban on smoking and exposure to second-hand smoke in enclosed places.
Fact : Goverment statistics are full of spin and downright lies.
She knows now
Same old labour, same old story
Meanwhile, in France . .
A bright flare of colour on the jazz and broadcasting scenes has been snuffed out at 80. Singer (he called himself a jazz entertainer rather than a musician), raconteur, wit, author, prodigious smoker and heroic drinker, George Melly was also an expert on Surrealism and the Vorticist movement, a TV critic and performer, and the author of the script of the Flook cartoons, which appeared in the Daily Mail in the previous century. He celebrated his varied sex life in a set of successful works of autobiography, and he did his best to live life to the full to the end. He completed his final album at the double shortly before he popped off, and his last live gig was just last month.
Chocolate firm Cadbury's has been fined £1,000,000, plus costs, for playing dice with the health of its customers. The firm used to operate a 'zero salmonella' policy, under which all products contaminated with the bug were destroyed. Then some cowboy decided to ditch that policy and switch to a 'what we can get away with' scheme to save a few bob.
Another swindle by banks & building societies exposed
The country would have been a whole lot better off . . .
The price of greenness
A correspondent writes . . .
Pope Rottweiler I has declared jihad against Protestants, who do not have a 'proper' religion, and who are therefore not entitled to operated a priesthood and churches. Our new prime monster, scotch gordy broon, is believed to be studying the fine print of the papal rant as, if the Pope is right, the Church of England will lose the charitable status and tax exemptions applied to religions and the government will be in line for a windfall of billions of pounds.
A team at New York State University had concluded that yawning is beneficial to the person doing it and therefore socially acceptable.
No smoking in enclosed spaced in England from this month . ..
gordon buggins & the knuckledraggers
Duffers do well
A coincidence, or what?
Who's she think she's kidding?
Good News : the government's planning to spend £200 million on flood defences.
The Tories want to raise taxes on alcohol by 10%. So there's a great reason for not voting for them!
Government ministers admit . . .
The only turns they do are Ueys!
Some paupers are so desperate to change their looks that they are resorting to DIY cosmetic surgery. Going beyond pinning sticky-out ears back with superglue, the DIYers have carried out tummy tucks and nose jobs using readily available kitchen implements and carpentry tools.
Things we should be told:
In the good old days of the 20th century, running a mile in under 4 minutes was a really big deal. But in the 21st century, this achievement is going into extinction. Why? Because today's wimpy runners can't manage anything more than 1,500 metres or 93% of a mile.
A Nightmare Which Won't Go Away
Bring your own bike and join in!
Holiday companies and airlines are up in arms because the Office of Fair Trading has threatened to take them to court if they continue to post misleading prices on their websites. Ryanair, for instance, is offering return flights for a tenner on their front page, but when the customer gets to the actual payment page, the price has shot up mysteriously to £160. Thomas Cook is using the same scam to add £110 to its front-page £162 holidays in Turkey.
Unexpected spin-off from terror
Boeing unveils new 'green' airliner
A new Cold War begins . . .
Train travel plans for Britain in 2014
Heap big spy in sky? No way!
Süddeutsche Zeitung thinks scotch gordon's pious tosh in response to the car bombs was 'wooden' and 'tired'. They clearly prefer the reverend b. liar's brand of evangelical hysteria and his talent for making people laugh.
Big dog bites small dog in Gaza
South Africa promises an unforgettable experience?
A Toot Up Your Snoot . . .
The next big thing in the wine trade?
Wartime allies reunited in a common cause
While Britain is drowning in floods . . .
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