Black Flag News
 
 2007/May 
  FINAL
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No. 10 Certificate of EndorsementEvery edition of BFN is compiled
in accordance with official 10 Downing Street guidelines on accuracy and veracity.

CLIMATE NEWS
  Global warming? What bloody global warming?

Big carbon footprintThe newspapers are full of horror stories about the Arctic ice caps melting and the sea level rising by 6 metres in the next 10 minutes. But the Canadian seal-clubbing industry isn't reading them. Why? Because their boats are all stuck in the largest extent of sea ice for 40 years.
   And the polar bears in Alaska have reached the maximum number that their environment can sustain, so the US National Biological Service is having to consider a cull.

MayanThe truth that got forgotten . .
"You cannot tackle climate change without understanding how it really happens. And knowing how it happens may tell you that you are unable either to prevent it or to influence it." (Which is not something the spivs at the United Nations want to hear.)

Crime News
CRIME NEWS
Bent coppers bending the stats

Police 'services' are ordering their coppers to fit people up with offences which count towards those targets which affect rates of pay. Cautions and fixed penalty notices are being handed out whenever the opportunity arises, irrespective of the innocence of the victim.
   This is a particular problem in the Greater Manchester policing area, in which Romiley is to be found.
   GULP!

Mayan"Bad things happen to good people."
Prisoners in California (where else?) who can afford to pay $70-171 per day can upgrade their confinement conditions. They can have a computer, digital music, their portable personal possessions, meals sent in from restaurants and, best of all, separation from violent nutters and homophiles.
   Bookings for the privileged wing of a Californian's local prison can be made conveniently online. The British Ministry for Justice & Criminal Regulation (formerly the Home Office), is rumoured to be considering introducing the scam here just as soon as the government gets round to building some further prison accommodation.

The EU, Better out than inThe Great Light Bulb Swindle
The EU wants everyone to abandon incandescent light bulbs in favour of fluorescents, which cost 10 times more, use less energy during their far from spectacular lifetime, provide less light and cost a packet to dispose of as they contain mercury, which can't be dumped in a landfill site due to EU regulations.
   The EU imposes an import duty of £1.80 a pop on fluorescents imported from China and there is no sign of this tax being removed to encourage people to make the switch before the ban comes into operation. The tax should have been abolished last year but our own, corrupt blair labour appointed trade commissioner, the blessed mandelson, decided to leave it in place to screw some more cash out of the customers.

The dumbing down process continues . . .
Lord Falconer, the new Minister for Justice, has decided that criminals should no longer be locked up. Burglars and shoplifters should be kept in the community, he reckons. But what does he know about anything? Let us not forget that he is the guy who made a total bog of running the Millennium Dome, a job which he got on the strength of having been our present passenger prime minister's flatmate.

   "Marked for ever as the man who fouled up the Dome: Lord Falconer" – Daily Mail, Friday November 10th, 2000

MayanA Shot In The Foot!
The good news : Scotland Yard has set up a programme to reduce police paperwork.
The Bad News : The pen-pushers have gone mad and coppers are going to waste hours and hours of police time when they try to fill in the suggestion forms. The prediction is that the whole system will be crushed flat under the weight of its own clunking bureaucracy.

pirate flagA business opportunity going begging!
An American judge has granted 'exclusive salvage rights' to an American treasure-hunting outfit, which is currently plundering the wreck of a British ship '40 miles off Cornwall'. Which has to be an open invitation to British pirates to horn in on the racket. After all, since when did American judges have any jurisdiction over British territorial waters. [Or is this something else that tony the poodle conceded to George Dubya? Ed.]

MayanDamned if they do and damned if they don't!
The Russian government has refused to extradite for trial, the prime suspect in the case of Alexandr Litvinyenko, the dissenter who was murdered by polonium-210 poisoning in England. The inference is that either the Russian government is unwilling to let the world know that it commissioned the murder of Mr. Litvinyenko and provided the polonium, or that the Russian government is unwilling to let the world know that an assassin wanting a supply of this radioactive poison can just stroll into the Russian nuclear institute where it's made and stroll out with enough of it to leave a radioactive trail across the breadth of Europe.

Mayan"The police kidnapped my golliwog!"
The police in Leek stole the mascot from the front of a golliwog collector's car because some pathetic apology for a human being complained about it. Looks like the jobsworth coppers in Staffordshire are truly desperate for any excuse to avoid doing anything resembling fighting crime.

DEPARTURES

Walter Schirra

America's 5th man in space has died at 84. Walter Schirra was one of the 7 original Mercury astronauts, and the only one to take part in the subsequent Gemini and Apollo programmes. He was a disciple of the Gagarin School of Space Flight – he believed that the pilot of a spacecraft should fly it, not just sit there while ground controllers do everything, and he was constantly doing battle with NASA's PR staff, who tended to concentrate more on the agency's image rather than the work which the astronauts were doing.
   He began his flying career at 13, he joined the US Navy and flew 90 combat missions during the Korean Police Action, winning the DFC, and then became a test pilot. His career included surviving a test with a Sidewinder missile by out-flying it. His initial view of the space programme was that the astronauts were the equivalent of the human cannonball act at a circus, but the success of the Soviet space programme changed his mind.
   Schirra established that a spacecraft can be manoeuvred by a pilot while flying the Mercury 8 mission. He alarmed mission control during the December flight of Gemini 6 by doing a UFO report on Santa & his reindeer-hauled sleigh, then he piloted his spacecraft to within feet of Gemini 7 to rehearse the manoeuvres necessary for docking in space. During his flight in Apollo 7, he and his crew provided the first TV pictures from space and set NASA on course for the Moon landings of Apollo 11 and the subsequent missions.
   On retiring from the US Navy and NASA, he had a successful career in business, co-wrote 2 books on his life as an astronaut and became an active environmentalist dedicated to the care of 'Spaceship Earth'.

DEPARTURES

Smug Bugger, a.k.a. Mr. b. liar

Smug BuggerThe worst prime minister since Harold Wilson (who was the worst prime minister since Lord North) has announced that he is retiring – but not yet. He plans to drag things out until June 27th because he has some dirty deals still to do with the European Union as part of his legacy campaign of selling Britain down the river.
   When finally evicted from 10 Downing Street, he plans to shoot off to the United States to make his fortune; between trips back home to help the police with their inquiries into his debasement of the British political scene, sales of honours to labour donors, awards of lucrative government contracts to labour donors, his war crimes in Iraq, his corruption of the British civil service, etc., etc.
   His successor is expected to be the rear end of the blair/brown pantomime horse.

DEPARTURES

The word 'accident' from the Highway Code

The Driving Standards Agency has decided that someone has to be to blame for all shunts and other highway mishaps, and banning the word 'accident' will nudge drivers away from corrupt blair labour's 'no one is ever to blame' culture.
   The Association of British Drivers replied with a warning that the ban 'will encourage a blame culture instead of a prevention culture'. The spokesman added that people do have accidents and drivers don't set out on a journey with the deliberate intention of crashing into someone else or skidding off the road at the handiest patch of black ice.

DEPARTURES

new labour

With the arrival of Mr. b. liar's sell-by date, all reference to the new labour 'project' is being expunged from the party's website and other propaganda outlets and we're back to the same old, same old luddite labour again.

DEPARTURES

Jacques Chirac

The man who was twice elected both prime minister and president of France, and who spent 18 years abusing his privileges as mayor of Paris, was hurled into the dustbin of history this month. He plans to devote his leisure time to an image-polishing Chirac Foundation, which will save the planet. But he's likely to have to spend considerable time helping an examining magistrate with inquiries into multiple political corruption rackets, including serial falsifying of expenses and an illegal party-funding scam via bogus jobs.

DEPARTURES

2,500 post offices over the next 18 months

After a corrupt blair labour bogus consultation exercise, this rotten government is on course to bring its total of post offices closed since 1997 to 7,200. Which means that there are just 11,800 to go. The plan is helped on its sordid way by the government's policy of preventing people from buying licences and drawing pensions at their local post office, and assistance from the government's cronies at the BBC, who have prevented customers from buying TV licences at post offices.

DEPARTURES
Tell the truth & suffer the consequences

Tory Europe spokesman Graham Brady is due to get the chop at the next shadow cabinet reshuffle because he dared to publish figures showing that the presence of a grammar school improves the results of all other schools in its neighbourhood when Dave the Leader demanded that all good Tories accept without question, his dogma that the reverse is true.
UpdateMr. Brady decided to quit before he was pushed to prevent Dave the Leader from gagging him. He is now free to tell the truth rather than spout Dave the Leader's lying propaganda.
UpdateCameron has joined the Brady Bunch at the time of writing. He now thinks grammar schools are a good idea. But he reserves the right to U-turn on his U-turn if it becomes expedient.

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DOSH NEWS

Population control on the sly

The stampede to produce fuel from anything other than oil has been exposed as a crude trick to rid the world of its impoverished masses; as well as a scam which is likely to cause massive damage to the environment. The UN, a major climate criminal in its own right, is warning that using food plants for fuel will cause global famine, and poor, or dishonest, land management will see small farmers pushed off their plots.
   Clearing land to grow energy crops, the UN warns, will also cause soil erosion and nutrient leaching on a massive scale, and significant loss of biodiversity.
   Any small gains, as far as reduction of carbon emissions are concerned, are likely to be lost because pollution will increase. Which only goes to prove that when the politicians come up with an idea for saving the planet, they need to come up with 2 more ideas to undo the mess they've created.

20 pound noteA serious cock-up on the money front!
The new Bank of England £20 note has been voted the worst design job of all time.
   "It looks like some clumsy bugger has spilt violet ink all over the picture of Her Majesty and made a rotten job of wiping it off," a leading currency designer told BlackFlag News.
   "I would recommend the sack for everyone involved in unloading this sorry farrago on the British public."

MayanAnother waste of public money
The government is facing a class action for compensation from the people who spent thousands of pounds training to be Home Invasion Pack inspectors then found themselves unemployable due to the collapse of the plan to make HIPs compulsory from June 1st.

Home News
HOME NEWS
UK Flagcorrupt blair runs out of whitewash before he can quit

In the normal course of events, the labour stooges on the Intelligence & Security Committee would have jumped at the job of wasting a lot of time, public money and whitewash on an inquiry into why MI5 didn't lock on to 2 of the July 7th terrorist bombers. But our present passenger prime monster is so close to being evicted from office that he can't be arsed about going through with another charade. He's too focussed on making money out of his memoirs and public speaking.

MayanThese things add up, you know!
Not a day passes but some 'expert' is urging us to eat something to stay healthy. A handful of cashews, a handful of pecans, 5 fruit/vegetables per day, 2 boiled eggs, a bowlful of soup at lunchtime, the list goes on endlessly. But what none of the experts seems to have realized is that if you followed all their advice, you'd be eating round the clock and the size of a house in no time flat!

MayanThe latest council scam
The council for Haringey, N. London, is to use an infra-red satellite to spy on the customers. Anyone whose house has a large heat signature will be nagged into getting it insulated; anyone with a small heat signature will be charged more Council Tax for having it improved by getting it insulated; and any houses with a zero heat signature will be assumed to be unoccupied and stolen by the council for social housing.
   Which means that anyone who is planning to have their home insulated should make sure that the insulation isn't 100% effective if they don't want the council to steal it.

MayanThe election news, basically, . . .
. . . is that there isn't any just yet. The govt. rushed in postal voting to bolster the endangered labour councillor, postal voting fraud became the growth industry of the moment, the govt. put in place counter-measures, and they didn't work and screwed everything up. So if you want to know who your councillor, or MSP or MWA is, kindly come back next month.

MayanTytherington goes fully Independent
The Tytherington ward in the Borough of Macclesfield has turned its back on party politics with the election of the distinguished TV journalist James Nicholas as an independent member of the council. He joins forces with Councillor Brendan Murphy, who has held the other Tytherington seat as an independent since 2002.

question markIs there some deep significance to this?
The question which has everyone in Romiley puzzled is why the Tetley ad agency strapped the theme tune for the TV series The Addams Family on to the current tea advert.

question markThose Scottish elections
Why are people so surprised that there was such a shambles? Have they learnt nothing from 10 years of corrupt blair labour government methods? What else were they expecting from this sorry bunch other than bungling incompetence & shambles?

MayanThe way forward at future British elections?
100,000 people failed to follow the voting instructions in Scotland and their ballot papers were junked. Which could be a pointer to the direction for future elections. Maybe they should be made even more complicated to exclude people who aren't up to the job of making an intelligent decision. Maybe democracy in the 21st century should be for people who can think, not just people who are over 18 years of age.

MayanBritain Rejoices & Despairs
June 27th has been declared a Day of National Celebration to mark the resignation of our present passenger prime minister (see smug bugger obit above).
June 28th has been declared a Day of National Mourning to mark the induction of g. broon, a.k.a. The Mugger, as the most unwanted prime minister in British political history.

MayanA spot of honesty? Some mistake, surely!
In his resignation apology, our present passenger prime monster admitted something which everyone else has suspected for years – namely that he is a sociopath with no sense of right & wrong.
   "I only did that I thought was right," he told an incredulous audience, inviting them to believe that he saw nothing wrong with manufacturing evidence of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq and lying to the nation to get us into Pres. Bush's war, selling peerages to labour party donors, and all his other crimes in office.

MayanHIPs on Hold
The minister for messing home owners about, strewth kelly, has decided that Home Invasion Packs can't be introduced on June 1st as the government has made a total bog of things. There are insufficient Home Invasion Inspectors around and there is also a legal challenge to the whole fiasco in the wind. As a result, the scheme will be introduced at a later date and apply only to houses with 4 bedrooms – which are expected to become 3-bedroom houses with a home office/study/library (a.k.a. a bonus room) in future.

MayanMore spin inevitable
The former News of the Screws editor, who presided over the bugging of the Royal Family's phones, is to become the Tory party's director of communications as Dave the Leader seeks to be-blair by recruiting his own alastair campbell.

POLITICAL PILLOCKS
Very Heavy, Very 'Umble!

scotch gordon broon's Uriah Heep act, on hearing that he wouldn't have to face a corrupt blair labour leadership election, was so bad that it had the journalists in the audience laughing out loud. The world waits with bated breath for his next personality shift.
   p.s. Where was scotch gordon when corrupt blair labour, & some scrounging Tories, voted to exclude MPs from the Freedom of Information Act?
   p.p.s. Even if you shuffle the deck chairs, they're still the same old deck chairs.
UpdateOn the verge of prime-ministership, scotch has decided to rehabilitate his sorry self. He plans to give up being a control freak, who expects people to take what he hands out. In a desperate bid to be 'not-blair', he claims he will listen to people and indulge in corrupt blair labour-style bogus consultations before he gives the electorate what he thinks is best for them, whether they want it or not.

MayanPeople trying to get noticed
margaret hodge, sometime minister for covering up child abuse, has decided to counter the threat to her party from the BNP by sneaking onto their territory in traditional new labour style. She now claims to think that British families should have priority for social housing over immigrants and bogus asylum seekers. And is she in a lot of trouble for daring to say it!

MayanThe Tories are getting themselves noticed for all the wrong reasons!
"Does it (the Conservative party) want to be a serious force for government & change?"
   – Dave the Leader
   A Conservative supporter comments, "I have no problem with change for the better, but when it comes to change for the worse, like ditching grammar schools in favour of city academies, Dave loses my vote."
UpdateDave the Leader has announced an extension to his 'being blair' policy. He is now willing to lead an invasion of Iran – but only if he gets to do his leadership from a secret command bunker 'somewhere in England'.

Mayan"Scrutiny? What Scrutiny?"
MPs have voted to exclude themselves from the Freedom of Information act. Why? Because they have been embarrassed about the scale of abuse of their expenses, and they think that if the public doesn't know how much they're being ripped off for, then they will suddenly decide that politicians are decent human beings.
   p.s. Where were scotch gordon & Dave the Leader when all this was going on?

MayanLike this is going to make a difference!
The Youth Justice Board has ruled that gangs of jobs can no longer be called 'gangs' in case it hurts their feelings. In future, they have to be termed 'groups of yobs'. Similarly, gang bang has become 'group bang' and gangsta music is now 'groupsta music'. The group of YJB jobsworths published their tosh in a 200-page report, which should make a fitting Xmas present for other political pillocks.

MayanWhy does the labour party go for high taxation & 'BIG GOVERNMENT'?
Because the more money there is sloshing about in the government's coffers, the easier it is to deflect decent amounts of it to cronies of the party leaders.
   If you're dealing with pounds, all you can steal is pennies. But if you're hurling billions of pounds around, making the odd million disappear is relatively easy.
   Which is why the European Commission doesn't like member states getting a rebate which reduces the overall pot and cuts down on the opportunities for theft, which accounts for a good 10% of the European Union's budget every single year. Which is why the European Commission's auditors NEVER sign off on its dodgy accounts.

MayanTories out of the closet
Dave the Leader has shown his true colours at last. He reckons that he, not scotch gordon, is the true 'heir to blair'. The alleged Tory with no policies and no beliefs, other than that grammar schools are a bad influence, is planning to offer the nation a splendid political choice – between his version of blair's half-baked scams and brown's nit-picking, big bureaucracy and schemes so deliberately complex that they inevitably produce a shambles.
   Big deal!

Say No to carbon taxesPoliticians always prefer to have a taxable villain
Politicians like the carbon dioxide story within the great global warming swindle because they can fine people for producing it. Which raises the obvious question – how long will it be before they introduce compulsory lung-function tests as a preliminary to taxing people on the amount of carbon dioxide that they breath out?
Carbon dioxide? Innocent, OK?   Other explanations for how the climate works are better and they fit the observed facts better. But they are no good to politicians. After all, who or what do they tax if the world gets warmer because the Sun is highly active magnetically, it's reducing the number of cloud-forming cosmic rays which hit the Earth's atmosphere and the Earth is getting warmer because of a reduction in the extent of low-level clouds, which which have a nett cooling effect?

Romiley News
ROMILEY NEWS
Election a disaster for Romiley's pavements

The Triv-Dem councillor got back in, so residents are warned not to expect anything to be done about the disgraceful state of Romiley's broken pavements this decade.
UpdateShock-Horror! The good news is that the pavement on the north side of Compstall Road in the centre of the village is being redone. The bad news is that it's taking for-bloody-ever! There have been barricades on the pavement for the whole of this month and absolutely nothing happening on days when the weather was fine and there was no sign of a rain cloud. Which smacks not so much of lax project management by the council as absolutely no management at all!
   A Triv-Dem apologist writes: "They moan if nothing is done about the pavements. They still moan when something is done. You can't win with some people."
   BFN replies: "We're entitled to have our public works done promptly and PROPERLY. And by 'properly', we mean the work crew staying on the job every day, weather permitting, and not swanning off on another job after filling the pavement with barricades. We're not paying for the council's contractors to deliver one week's work with one MONTH'S inconvenience! See 'project management' above."

Congestion charging for Romiley somewhat overdue?

Congested Romiley

Romiley has been suggested as a possible Congestion Charge Zone as there are times when the roads at the centre of the village are clogged to a standstill. If the same can now be said for the pavements thanks to the current plague of orange barriers, are the inhabitants of Romiley looking at a double congestion charge covering both roads and pavements?
   It could happen!

SPORTS NEWS
The New Wembley FA Cup Final Experience

footballThe stadium was 6 years late and vastly over budget at £757 million [You could have built another Millennium Dome for that! Ed.], burgers cost a fiver a time, the tickets were £80 and upwards and the match was rubbish. Which sounds exactly like the new labour experience – tardy, a rip-off price and not really worth it.

dollar signNo boat-rocking in prospect
The FIA, Formula One's governing body, had decided there will be no penalties against the McLaren team as they did absolutely nothing wrong at the Monte Carlo grand prix. They did not breach the rules against team orders to interfere with the result of the race. So everyone who saw the race and reached that conclusion got it wrong.

THINGS OF THE MONTH

exclamation pointSCARE STORY
Wheely bins emptied once a fortnight have been found to contain bugs from the same family as The Black Death!!! Which means the government is trying to kill us all!

hashTHOUGHT
POLITICIANS – we're just lucky that there aren't enough of them around to screw up everything all of the time.

hashWORDS
Can it be entirely serendipitous that 'blair' is an anagram of 'b. liar'?

exclamation pointTV ADVERT
Mr. T in his tank doing his "Get some nuts!" routine on a wimp of a footballer.

travel
TRAVEL NEWS
A calamity waiting to happen!

It will come as no surprise to most people to learn that the Indian-made G-Wiz, which is being pushed as an eco-friendly electric car for the environmentally challenged, has all the crash resistance of a wet paper bag.
   The vehicle is classed as a 'quadricycle' and exempt from the standard regulations covering vehicle safety. Although this will probably change when the Transport Dept. finishes studying a report from the Transport Research Laboratory.
   The people there decided not to risk one of their top-of-the-line crash-test dummies in a 40 mph test, and they were proved right in spades! The car's protection failed miserably and the dummy's legs had to be removed separately from the rest of it. A human occupant of the wreck would have suffered well-broken legs and massive internal bleeding due to having the steering wheel transplanted into his/her liver.
   The conclusion from the test is that the vehicle is very good for writing off eco-poseurs if they are bad drivers or exposed to bad drivers.

Mayan"Better bring some sandwiches, mate!" (And maybe a sleeping bag, too)
Attention anyone planning to fly to Spain on or after Wednesday June 13th. The Advance Passenger Information regime will apply for trips to Spain from that date and airlines will be required to collected detailed information from passengers before they are allowed to board an airline.
   When the Americans introduced the system in 2004, there were long delays on both sides of the Atlantic. Expect more of the same when people without biometric passports turn up at airport terminals. Especially if the terminal doesn't have scanners to read biometric passports! Because the staff at the check-in desk will have to write everything down using pen and paper.

MayanPersistence pays off!
A British coach driver got the hump over Germans claiming sunbeds on a beach by draping towels on them. So he collected up the towels and dumped them all in a heap. And when the towels came out again the next day, he did the same as indignant Germans glowered at him from their windows. On the third day, he collected up the towels again. But this time, he made a bonfire out of them. The Germans then got the message.

WAR NEWS
What's the problem, guys!

Screw BlairThe Ministry of Defence has announced that having spend billions of pounds of taxpayers' cash, it has failed to find a way to identify British troops in a multi-nation combat zone. BFN would like to provide the following solution:
   "It's easy, you dopes! The Brits are the ones the Yanks are killing."

Mayan"It was all their fault, Gov!"
Sacked defence minister 'buff' hoon has come up with a list of reasons why the Iraq war was such a disaster. At the top of it is the fact that our passenger PM and George Dubya didn't bother to work out a post-war plan. The rest of the items are American blunders which Mr. b. liar failed to prevent because, despite his claims of a special relationship, George Dubya & minions took no bloody notice of him.

MayanCyber-terrorists in action
Estonia is currently under massive cyber-attack from Russia for daring to suggest that being invaded and forced to join the Soviet empire as a bit-player wasn't such an enjoyable experience. The Russian government is denying that it is trying to swamp websites operated by the Estonian government, and websites run by banks, newspapers and other commercial interests, but the sheer number of computers being used confirms that something more than the Russian Federation of Hackers is behind this electronic Blitzkrieg.

MayanVanity paid for out of the public purse
Talking about Soviet empires, the labour party wasn't able to find a Socialist who could challenge scotch gordon broon for the leadership, so he's getting his coronation after all. Which isn't going to stop him wasting thousands of pounds of taxpayers' cash on a 7-week labour party political broadcast as he junkets round the country telling everyone how brilliant he is.

Mayan"Don't bother packing, Sir!"
Prince Harry isn't going to Iraq. He would be too obvious a target. So obvious, that even this stupid government can see that it would be a bad idea.

MayanHow many Daves does it take to cook up a really dumb idea?
The Tory party is up in arms over Eton-toff Dave the Leader's rejection of the grammar school, despite his trip to a sink school, where no one knew who he was and no one knew the word 'Conservative'. Abolishing grammars is being pushed by Dave's understrapper, the grammar-school oik Dave 'No Brains' Willetts.
   How odd that Dave the Leader, a man known for having no policies, should pick such a no-brainer as his first ever policy. Does he have a secret electoral death-wish? Or is there something more sinister at work?
   Meanwhile, this latest policy blunder was received joyfully by the party bosses of UKIP, who see a lot of protest votes coming their way if the Daves persist with their lunacy. And as 70% of Tories are card-carrying supporters of grammar schools, there's a lot of electoral damage to be done.

Mayan"New brooms, please!"
Alex Salmond of the SNP has evicted labour from control of the Scottish executive! The leader of 'the natural party of government in Scotland' did a deal with a couple of stray Greens to make sure that labour stays out-voted, but Mr. S. will have to do lots of other deals with the Tories and the Liberals to keep them sitting on their hands.
   So Scottish independence is off the table for the time being.

the blair legacy

The Guardian of the Legacy

10 glorious years of achievements!.
Celebrate tony blair's glorious heritage!
Visit this homage to the greatest living Brit TODAY!

WEATHER NEWS
Reverse logic?

rain manAt the beginning of the month, the newspapers were moaning that there will be no British vegetables this year due to the lack of rain. Most people read this with rain battering against their windows.
   Next thing you know, at the middle of the month, the papers are full of flood warnings! So does that mean we're heading for a drought?

world news
WORLD NEWS
If you ever wanted a really good description of what's wrong with the USA . . .

clown. . . try Judge R. Pearson of Washington, DC. He's claiming $33 million from a dry-cleaning firm because they allegedly lost his favourite pair of grey trousers with red and blue stripes. He wants damages for 'mental suffering, inconvenience and discomfort because he couldn't wear the trousers on his first day on the beach'.
   He's also seeking 10 years' weekend car rental so that he can take his dry-cleaning elsewhere. The judge is planning to call 63 witnesses to the trial, which begins next month. If this is the sort of person who can become a judge in the United States, no wonder the president is such an idiot!

MayanDiscrimination? You bet!
The Greater Manchester Police 'service' is heading for trouble by seeking to screen its employees for membership of the British National Party with a view to sacking them. Anyone who is booted out stands to clean up at an employment tribunal on the grounds that their human right to participate in the political process has been violated from here to breakfast time. The BNP is, after all, as legitimate a member of the British political scene as corrupt blair labour and Sinn Fein.

Mayan"Bonjour, Sarko!" Boom!
The French unions are planning to give their country's newly elected president a 21-gun salute of strikes if he tries to make the unions more accountable to their members and less able to leap out on strike for no particular reason. But one of Mr. Sarkozy's biggest political challenges will come on another front. The big question of the day is: "Will he turn himself into an instant lame duck by giving immunity from prosecution to the outgoing president, the notoriously corrupt, but not yet gaoled, Jacques Chirac?"

The EU, Better out than inDon't they catch on quick?
After wasting thousands and thousands of pounds and putting the British people to great inconvenience, with the willing collaboration of corrupt blair labour, the European Commission has decided not to go through with a ban on the use of Imperial measurements after 2010.
   After threatening to do it for well over a decade, someone in Brussels has finally realized that the Americans also use their own versions of miles, gallons, feet and inches, and that banning their use might damage trade with the USA.
   • Meanwhile, the Czechs have decided to get tough with the EU, They are no longer willing to be pushed around and the first demonstration of their new attitude will be a veto of any attempt by the Germans, and their Quisling mr. b. liar, to sneak in the rejected constitution by the back door.

MayanThe history rewriters out in force!
The discovery of the tomb of King Herod (well, what is probably his tomb) at Herodion in Judea has triggered an outbreak of revisionism. Herod is known to have died of chronic kidney disease at the age of 70 in 4BC. But the Catholic church would like us to believe that Jesus Christ was born in 1AD and also that he survived Herod's mythical 'Massacre of the Innocents', which was aimed at preventing the survival of a new messiah. So the world is now waiting for some 'expert' to announce that everyone else is wrong and he/she has found proof at the tomb that Herod actually died in 1AD.

Mayan"Nurse, they're out of bed again!"
If there is anyone still doubting that the United Nations Organization is a totally crackpot outfit run by idiots, they should know that the idiots have just made F. Nhema of Zimbabwe their minister for environment and tourism.
   "Who he?" you ask.
   He's only the guy who ruined farming in his native land, turning Zimbabwe from the bread-basket of Africa into a permanent famine zone, destroyed most of the country's wildlife sanctuaries and turned tourism into a concept with no context in Zimbabwe.

MayanGood sense, if for the wrong reason
The United States has opted out of the carbon dioxide scams proposed for the next G8 summit in Germany next month. Struggling German Chancellor Merkel is eager to slap taxes on carbon emitters right, left & centre, with the willing connivance of our own busted flush of a passenger prime minister. But big business interests in the USA have told George Dubya that they are not prepared to see their margins frittered away on a bogus cause.

This Month's Garbage

The Garbage Cheltenham Council, which has employees going round spraying coloured paint rings around dog deposits like crap artists in search of a handout. They start with a red ring, add a yellow one after a week and a white one after a further week. The psychological warfare is aimed at shaming dog owners into scooping poop. But it ain't working. If no one scoops it, the poop is left to rot.

The Scottish labour/Liberal Executive, which commissioned a report from Prof. Sir J. Arbuthnot on the best way to hold this month's elections for the Scottish Parliament and local councils. He said there would be chaos if the elections were held on the same day. The Executive ignored his advice and lo! There was chaos and 100,000 spoilt ballot papers (2½% of the votes cast).

The Optimum Population Trust, which guestimated that the 'social cost' of carbon dioxide is £42.50 per metric tonne.

The boasts from British Gas that it has brought its prices down twice. No one has forgotten that they went up six times and the modest reduction is nowhere near the level of the profiteering increases.

The civil servants who charge the taxpayer £1,800 per night for locking up prisoners in cells at a court building and the politicians who let them get away with this fraud.

Tory MP D. McLean, who is assisting corrupt blair labour in its campaign to prevent the British public from learning, under the Freedom of Information Act, how their MPs are abusing their expenses.

Dave the Leader Cameron, who wants to turn the Conservative party into a copy of blair's copy of the Conservative party.

The Court of Appeal, which thinks people should be allowed to arrange sham marriages to obtain a British passport on human rights grounds.

struth kelly's alibi for the collapse of the Home Invasion Pack scheme – she reckons it's all the fault of the Tories because they 'criticized the scheme so vigorously'.

john reid, failed Home Sec. (& umpteen other job failures), who used the same alibi for letting several terrorist suspects on 'control orders' decamp.

All our passenger prime minister's seriously bad language has been air-brushed out of spin doctor and dodgy dossier contriver alastair campbell's alleged diaries of his downing street years; which is yet another reason to file them in the 'fiction' section.

"People want choice," is the slogan of the moment. So why are scotch gordon and his cronies against it, other than to be 'not-bliar'?

Midlothian Council, which keeps the lights on at an abandoned school because it feels it has a duty of care to vandals, and the councillors don't want the little darlings tripping up in the dark while they're trying to smash the building to bits.

 
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