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Some genius at Downing Street decided to change the name of the Department of Trade & Industry, which is universally familiar as the DTI, to the Department of Productivity, Energy & Industry. And oh, yes; the taxpayer would have had to pay a million or so quid for redoing the notepaper, signs, etc. But after a week, someone realized that having such an important governmental institution known as 'Dippy' for short wouldn't work out. So the name change was junked.
"What's In A Name 2" or New Labour, New Lie
What's Prescott for?
The pretty well redundant Deputy Prime Minister has come up with another brilliant idea. He's going to send Bathroom Police round to every home with a thermometer. Every citizen wanting to take a bath will be required to phone or text the Bathroom Police at least 2 days in advance. On bath day, the Bathroom Police will come around and check that the bath water does not exceed the Maximum Governmental Target Temperature and the bather is safe from scalding.
Go ethnic or lose your subsidy
New fashion outfits for yobs (and lrigs)
Another brilliant idea for screwing things up
The man who played The Riddler with such gusto in the unforgettable 1960s Batman TV series has died at 71. He started his career as a US Army entertainer, broke into movies and became a top-flight impersonator.
Well, any of the Man. Utd. team in the FA Cup Final. The officials looked more like goal keepers in their yellow outfits [which could have been the intention as a form of camouflage to hide them from outraged fans, Ed.] and it was no surprise to see Arsenal, in their 'winning red' outfits, triumph after the penalties.
McLaren winner for Spanish Grand Prix
5-Times European Champs
The Metropolitan police service is operating a recruitment policy which is both racialist and sexist. White male recruits are being kept off training courses in favour of women and men from ethnic minorities. But the Met reckons it can get away with this because it is offering jobs to all of the white males eventually. They just have to wait up to 3 years to get on the payroll.
League Tables for judges?
Legal Aid bankroll clamped!
Royal Mail to be done for fraud?
Ever found a 'sorry, but you were out' card behind the front door on a day when you were in all day and nobody rang your bell or rattled the knocker? This used to be a mystery which ranked beside the phantom phone calls, which are disconnected the moment someone picks up the receiver. But the truth has slithered out.
He still doesn't get it
Easy on the causes of illegal immigration
Rip-off merchants fined
Manchester United, Umbro, JJB Sports and Allsports have all been fined multi-million pound sums by the Competition Appeals Tribunal. Their crime was selling replica shirts costing £7 to make for £40.
Antonio B. Liar, a Scotsman (possibly of Italian extraction), has gained control of the English Parliament in London through a combination of postal voting fraud, gerrymandering with the complicity of the Boundary Commission and infiltration of a total of 71 outsiders from other countries. The election results are shown in the figure (left).
Diana's Ditch reopened
Don't mention The War!
Reverse bank robbery!
Don't bother Busy Billy
Get ready to melt! (Or not)
George gets it seriously wrong
Spel cheker not kneedid or Ignorance is no hindrance
Time off for bad behaviour?
How to deal with government red tape
More phone number messing about
The wheels come off
Lying for New Labour
The big problem with making Kenneth Clark the Conservative leader is not just that he's too old. He's also too bloody lazy to make a proper job of it.
Carry on cheating it's official
The Big Lottery Fund is at it again
Who needs the Beeb?
Not exactly convincing, is it?
The Sellafield Effect?
The Millennium Dome is to receive a cosmetic name change in an effort to disassociate its next use from the failures of this New Labour white elephant's past. But if it looks like the Millennium Dome, and it consumed the best of a billion quid of taxpayers' dosh which won't be repaid, then people are still going to think of it as the Millennium Dome. Even when, or if, it reopens in 2007.
"ID cards will save us millions." Antonio B. Liar
Believe it or what!
A cruise company would have us believe that people were much happier in the 1950s and everyone is too stressed out in the 21st Century to have a good laugh. According to this piece of 'research', the amount of laughing per day is down to one-third of the 1950s value. When challenged, the company was unable to produce the time machine which would be needed to go back to the 1950s to count exactly how often people laughed back then.
This government has got its priorities seriously out of whack. One part is dragging its feet over inquests on service people killed in Iraq. Another part is in an indecent rush to prosecute as many service people as possible for 'crimes' committed in Iraq.
Opinions polls have been predicting a solid 'No!' vote for the French referendum on the EU constitution on the 29th. So EU president country and major scrounger Luxembourg has offered a bribe to the French public.
Don't mention The War!
Don't let them vote!
The Dutch referendum on the EU constitution will be the first in that country for 200 years. And the government is threatening that it will be the last referendum for another 200 years if the people fail to do the decent thing and vote 'yes'. Their big problem is that too many residents of the Netherlands are quite happy being Dutch and they don't want to be drowned in a faceless super-state called the United States of Europe.
Don't expect gratitude
The new champion
Another political fantasy
Sue the bastards for all they're worth!
Saddam Hussein's chief lawyer is to sue The Scum for billions of pounds after the popular red-top tabloid dared to publish pictures of the World's Favourite Despot in his pants.
It seemed like a good idea at the time . . .
Drinking whisky prevents cancer, the whisky industry would like us to believe. Whiskies, especially single malts, contain the strong antioxidant allagic acid, which zaps rogue cells and prevents cancer cells from reproducing and spreading.
If you're in an ambulance and your heart stops, don't expect a jolt from the electric shock machine to get it started again. Apparently, paramedics are in the habit of strolling off with everything that's not nailed down, including defibrilators, and selling them on eBay.
Another cover-up awaiting a leak
Going soft as a strategy for advancement?
Romiley residents received a modest shower of literature during the run-up to the general election which inspired this survey of who had the most money to spend on their propaganda.
You'd never know there's a general election on in Romiley no visits from the candidates and no posters! There's just one for the Triv-Dems on the main road and that's being displayed by the village undertaker, which seems a fair comment on their chances of ever forming a government.
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Pass The Parcel by Philip H. Turner
When Nicki and Jeff Jenner arrived at their country retreat with their friend Guy Duggleby, armed men were waiting for them. They deduced that their mutual friend Toby Ryun had been using Jeff's name at the gambling tables again – his usual ploy for changing his luck. What follows is a straight adventure story with no other ambitions. Kidnapping, currency fraud and violent death, mainly in France.
Category : Crime fiction. Vintage: early 1980s.
The Bar Council wants to talk to Lord Goldsmith about his failure to observe his code of conduct, which requires him to act independently at all times. Complaints have been received from a number of sources over flip-flopping in connection with his advice on the legality of the 2003 invasion of Iraq. If convicted, Goldsmith faces a reprimand or suspension or disbarment.
George Galloway, MP for Baghdad East, gave the ITN lunchtime news crew a good verbal thumping when they confronted him with an 11-year-old film clip (minus its context) and a Scottish floating voter even though his Respect party has candidates only in England. Mr. Galloway spent his 6 minutes proving he's a man who's able to get his point of view over, he's an enemy of all Arab dictatorships and he has the big recommendation that he was chucked out of the Bliar Labour Party.
A divine warning?
When the limping man goes to the Kingdom,Looks like the warning was for real. Vice-Prez Bliar got back in as a busted flush and he has a grabbing bastard breathing down his neck!
A new snooker world champion: a 22-year-old god-botherer
Vice-Prez Bliar is still not having anything to do with the public as he rushes around the country doing his electioneering [NewLabSpeak for lying. Ed.]. Jacket off, superabsorbent vest on under his shirt to soak up rivers of sweat and smug bugger grin pasted firmly in place, he is meeting only the party cannon fodder. Real people are excluded from his presence by gangs of local Special Branch officers. They are instantly recognizable by the bald head, the earphone and the air of smugness conveyed by a temporary licence to behave like a cross between an agent of the US Secret Service and the Gestapo. Their job is to make sure that no one who might disagree with him gets within a mile of Vice-Prez Bliar as they bring Democracy In Action New Labour-style to a sceptical nation.
Yawning for England?
Vice-Prez & Mrs. Bliar really know how to shoot themselves in the foot. All the bragging to The Scum about how many times a night they can copulate must have done wonders for the missus's credibility in court.
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
Crooks In Action
The European Union is promising to do something about the criminals who send out emails about bogus lottery wins and extract cash from the gullible as 'administration fees' (but don't hold your breath).
A question to this feature in the Daily Mail asked how fast Vice-Prez Bliar could get to Washington for a face-to-face meeting with Prez Bush now that Concorde is history. One answer was that he could be there in 2 hours and 20 minutes in an RAF Tornado. But that's only in theory because no pilot would be able to resist the temptation to hit the eject button half way there to launch the lying bastard into the Atlantic.
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