Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire!
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The price of a bag of Somerfield mint imperials has shot up from 89p to 97p. When BlackFlag News grumbled about the unwarranted price hike, we were told, "It's all a question of supply and demand. The supermarket controls the supply so it can demand as much as it thinks it can get from the customers."
Toads in Hamburg's parks are suddenly swelling to four times their normal size and exploding in a shower of guts and body parts. "It's like something out of a science fiction movie," a horrified nature protection worker complained as he began the job of cleaning up yet another disgusting mess.
In its final report, the Iraq Survey Group has nailed down the lid on Vice-Prez Bliar's myth that Iraq had Weapons of Mass Destruction ready for deployment against British troops in 4 to 5 minutes.
The wheels come off Vice-Prez Bliar's war chariot
Queue Here For Compo!
Cameras are no longer parked at sensible observation points, they swan around aimlessly doing slow pans, lifts and dips. Turgid text churns across the bottom of the screen as another distraction. And graphic sets are in constant, pointless motion so that the presenters and their studio guests seem to be drifting through space aimlessly.
Bliar Broadcasting Corporation exposed
The Big Election Suspense Issue :
When's Prescott going to deck someone?
Vice-Prez Bliar showcased New Labour's style of government by wishing on the nation his Millennium Dome as the Big Idea for his first term of office. The whole project reflected the arrogance and condescension to the customers of this tired breed of Labour politician with stolen Tory policies.
No longer a man of the people
These days, when Vice-Prez Blair does his poster launches and press conferences, he is always careful to make the venue a closely guarded secret and to surround himself with a rent-a-mob of stooges.
What is the Bliar regime worried about?
Vice-Prez Bliar is missing. He has disappeared from the election literature of all Labour candidates but the most contemptible crawlers, and no one (not even his closest friends like G. Brown) ever mentions his name. In fact, New Labour is in deep denial about him and he has become 'the man whose name they dare not speak'.
Mr. B. Liar admits another lie
Faking it for Britain
Vice-Prez Bliar is officially 'disappointed' that people have noticed his fake tan after he went from peely-wally to bright orange overnight. He is 'uncomfortable' that people are asking him what else he is lying about in addition to his skin colour.
Customers of LloydsTSB are warned that if they use a debit card to get cash abroad THEY WILL BE CHARGED MORE. And if they use a debit card in another bank, or at a non-LINK ATM, or to buy travellers cheques or foreign currency at another bank, the post office or a UK bureau de change THEY WILL BE RIPPED OFF FOR A FEE. And if they use a debit card to buy something abroad, or pay for something in a currency other than sterling, THEY WILL BE CHARGED A FEE FOR EACH TRANSACTION.
British Airways plans to rip off British customers by charging a British family of four 45% more for an October holiday flight to New York than a French family. The Brits will be charged £1,666 while the French will be charged just £1,150.
Mr. Justice Gibb has come up with an interesting counter to the proposition that gypsies can ignore planning law and their human rights supersede those of everyone else.
The MoD strikes back
New Labour says, "Sorry, we blew it."
Spain raps aerial terrorist
Ministry of Defence U-turn
Lord Woolf unveils his Burglars' Charter
Judges keep complaining that New Labour has changed rules which would have prevented the Bliar regime from abusing its powers. But who's doing anything to stop abuse of power by the judiciary?
TRACK of the MONTH
BlackFlag News would like to recommend a listen to THE GIFT by the Velvet Underground. The track is to be found on the album
The city council of Rajahmundry in south India has come up with an interesting way of making persistent evaders pay their taxes. The revenue department is sending teams of drummers to homes and business premises with instructions to make a hell of a racket until the criminal pays up.
Mug wins general election in Zimbabwe
You just can't win!
Big cities are having to spend half a million pounds or more every year to replace signs stolen by scrap metal gangs. With the price of aluminium at a ten-year high of £1,068 per ton, motorways are lined with loot for the thieves, who tend to be indistinguishable from real workmen in fluorescent work clothing and (stolen) white vans.
Not getting away with it
One Rule For Me
The head of Scotland Yard's traffic division is Chief Superintendent Les Owen. He favours speed cameras on every street corner and hanging, drawing and quartering for speeding motorists. But he sees nothing wrong with letting his driver do 82 mph in a 40 zone and 86 mph in a 50 zone when he's late for a meeting.
Spring Offer for Our Readers
Pass The Parcel by Philip H. Turner
When Nicki and Jeff Jenner arrived at their country retreat with their friend Guy Duggleby, armed men were waiting for them. They deduced that their mutual friend Toby Ryun had been using Jeff's name at the gambling tables again – his usual ploy for changing his luck. What follows is a straight adventure story with no other ambitions. Kidnapping, currency fraud and violent death, mainly in France.
Category : Crime fiction. Vintage: early 1980s.
New Labour's dry runs at last year's council elections in Birmingham have confirmed that any seat can be stolen if the postal voting campaign is handled ruthlessly enough. No wonder that postal voting is Vice-Prez Bliar's method of choice for gaining support from apathetic Labourites. And if his party can steal a few seats by fraud; well, that's just a bonus.
Postal vote farming condemned
UK Post unveils its special issues for postal voting
Serial spammer Jeremy Jaynes has been gaoled for 9 years as the first customer of new legislation in the state of Virginia. Before being busted, he sent out 10 million spam emails per day and his 'hit' rate of one $40 sucker per 30,000 emails gave him a monthly income of $750,000.
Stooges on parade
This month's Believe It Or Whats!
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
Crooks In Action
The European Union is promising to do something about the criminals who send out emails about bogus lottery wins and extract cash from the gullible as 'administration fees' (but don't hold your breath).
Supermarkets have been using New Labour tactics to wage a bogus price war. In the first quarter of this year, Tesco trumpeted price cuts on 2,983 products and kept quiet about shoving up the price of 2,852 others. At Asda, it was 2,451 down and 2,004 up. Sainsbury did even better for itself with 2,395 prices cuts and 2,975 price hikes.
Casino Bill crashes
New dental health initiative
Danger! Dining Accessory!
Tewkesbury Borough Council has put the kybosh on a plan to provide pensioners with paper napkins bearing a crime reduction message along with their meals on wheels. Gloucester County Council and the Gloucestershire Constabulary thought it would be a great idea to tell their customers to Lock, Stop, Chain and Check but some jobsworth at Tewkesbury did a 'risk assessment' and concluded that the scheme was dangerous. Why? Because of the risk of a pensioner swallowing the napkin and choking on it.
Happy St. George's Day
BlackFlag News would like to wish its readers all the best for the 23rd; and sod all the leftie whingers who won't fly the flag on England's National Day. Not to mention Shakespeare's birthday. We're thinking of Norwich magistrates, who don't think St. George's day is 'special' enough for a one-hour bar extension for local pubs, and Liverpool Council, which was forced to back down when it tried to ban a shopkeeper from flying red & white flags. We're also thinking of the PC morons running the Royal Navy, who banned flying the national flag at Devonport because of a visiting Turkish warship. April 23rd is also the Turkish National Sovereignty Day and these idiots thought the Turks might fly into a strop if they saw St. George's flag on 'their' day.
Honesty is its own reward
New anti-apartheid stand
Money to burn or someone got bunged?
Trouble-makers at the Vatican deliberately chose to hold the Pope's funeral on the day set ages ago for the marriage of HRH Prince Chuck to his longtime pal Camilla. Following the one-day postponement of the great event, the souvenir trade is gearing up to sue the Catholic church for godzillions of pounds in compensation.
Palace Planners Slipped Up Badly?
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The ruling that cardinals over the age of 80 may not vote to elect a new pope has put the Roman Catholic branch of the church on a collision course with the European Union. And while they are considering the penalties which can be imposed for such blatant ageism, the Eurocrats in Brussels are also investigating other Vatican labour practices, including the policy which excludes women from a broad range of religion-related jobs and also the lack of a retirement plan, which forces some Vatican employees to work until they drop.
Florida is the place to be if someone attacks you! The state legislature has passed a law allowing people to meet force with deadly force if they are set upon in a public place.
What is the point of the European Union imposing a ban on African dictators travelling to Europe when the Italians let Prez Mug and his criminal associates into their country unhindered?
Also on Radio Four's P.M. a bloke calculated that the Vatican's claim that a million people viewed the Pope's corpse could be true only if the spectators had been running through the building and past the remains. So it looks like the Vatican has its own Alastair Campbell clone cooking up dodgy press releases.
China and Japan are currently locked in another ass-kicking contest over Japan's persistent whitewashing in schoolbooks of the atrocities committed in China in the 1930s and 1940s. The real reason for the latest eruption has now surfaced. It's a border dispute over seabed gas fields. Each side persists in drilling in the disputed zone and neither can back down without losing serious face.
Qatar plans to fire its corps of half-starved Asian boy camel-jockeys and replace them with robots. The UN has been making noises about child abuse and the government of Qatar is not minded to abolish a popular sport. The Swiss manufacturer of the lightweight robots is likely to find more customers in the United Arab Emirates, which is also packed with camel-racing fans. What will happen to the thousands of boy jockeys when they become redundant has not been announced.
Israel has decided to do nothing about the murder of British cameraman James Miller in May 2003. The Israeli army has cleared the officer who shot him, underlining Israel's belief that the state's agents can kill anyone they like in their zones of occupation.
Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon was cleared of taking bribes in June 2004 on the grounds that he is too dim to know when someone is giving him a bribe. Just to tidy things up, the businessman who was accused of giving him the bribe has been let off, too.
Spivs' Charter undented in European Parliament
The spivs of the European Parliament have voted not to reform their system for claiming expenses because they are likely to lose a whole lot of cash. At present, they can claim €37,500 per month for office costs without having to provide receipts.
Jack Straw, allegedly the UK's Foreign Sec., says he doesn't know what will happen if the French reject the EU constitution in their referendum on May 29th. For the benefit of all those as dim as Straw, what will happen is that the EU will order the French to vote again and keep on voting till the result is Oui! rather than Non!.
The top Eurospivs are still at it
Twice disgraced New Labour crony turned EU Commissioner Peter Mandelson is in trouble for junketing at public expense and enjoying a free New Year holiday, during which he free-loaded at a party thrown by Paul Allen, Microsoft's second biggest shareholder.
Dog Police for Turin?
The Italian city has passed a law making it an offence punishable by a fine of €500 for dog-owners not to walk their pet at least 3 times per day. But how are they going to know the law has been broken without creating a vast Dog Police to spy on all of the city's dog owners?
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
The space shuttle Discovery has spent 10½ hours being moved to a launch pad for the first flight since the loss of Columbia in February 2003. The oldest space shuttle broke apart during its return to Earth when hot gases penetrated fragile carbon-fibre wing structures, which had been damaged by insulation foam falling off the external tank during the launch.
The Catholic church has elected an ankle-biter as the next pope. Having served as the previous pope's 'enforcer'; the former Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger was in charge of clamping down on dissenters and making them shut up; he sounds like an unreconstructed bruiser of the John Reid school.
Europe's longest serving monarch has died at 81. He turned his Ruritanian backwater into a prosperous tax haven, married the film star Grace Kelly and produced three dysfunctional kids, who have given newspaper editors many a thrill. Rainier saw off the French when Prez de Gaulle tried to work a protection racket on him, he repelled Aristotle O'nassis when he tried to buy the casino, he reclaimed large areas of land to expand his domain and he diversified the principality's economy to end its dependence on gambling income. Not a bad effort, really!
This Oscar-winning British actor died at 97 on St. George's Day. His career began in the theatre in 1929 and continued through more than 100 films and countless theatre performances until he was well into his nineties. He became best known for playing ordinary men in extraordinary circumstances, e.g. chirpy Cockneys in WW II situations, but he could also play officers, most memorably in Ice Cold in Alex and Tunes of Glory. Sir John received his knighthood for services to British entertainment in 1976.
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