A trusty HP LaserJet 5L printer at Romiley Business Centre has been saved from the scrapheap with the help of the World Wide Web. A problem of patchy printing arose after a major paper jam, in which the printer chewed up and retained an entire A4 sheet.
Lamp Post Update, 2003/06/26
The painters have been back to Romiley. Our Triv-Dem council has coughed up for another tin of gold paint so that the fancy lamp posts can have another coat on their stripes.
The committee will take its evidence in private -- but it will not be allowed to question the Vice-Prez and his spin doctors -- and it will hand the only copy of its report to the Vice-Prez. He will then put his hand on his black heart and assure his customers that everything is okay with his usual sweaty sincerity. And then everything will be right with the world.
Accused of 'sexing up' dodgy dossiers on Iraq, the V-P's chief spin-doctor in chief promptly took a swipe at the Blair Broadcasting Corporation. But everyone know it's not Alastair Campbell's job to tell the truth, so starting a second front against the BBC was clearly a pathetical tactic to take attention from Downing Street's lies of mass deception.
Campbell is just a Labour Party flunkey who's paid (by the taxpayer, not V-P Blair's gang) to manipulate information to make his masters look good. He's a British version of Dr. Mohammed Sohaf. He doesn't do truth, honesty and the British way of life, he does part-truth, deception and rebranding. So when you call someone else a liar from the depths of your twisted little world, it's a bit bloody rich, Cynical Ally!
DBE For Mr. Dodgy?
"There is no crime in London," said the Vice-Prez.
So how come his elephant-eared education secretary, Charles Clarke, has been pick-pocketed and burgled?
Smokers, fatties, unfit slackers, boozers and other deviants from a decent way of life are to be cut off from the NHS. New Labour has put a fascist face on the nanny state. The party wants to introduce health contracts between doctors and their customers. Anyone who fails to abide by the agreement to live sensibly and healthily will be struck off.
To Croak Or Not To Croak? Probably, To Croak
The office of National Statistics, more familiar to Keith Waterhouse fans as the Department of Guesswork, has shown that Vice-Prez Blair's regime is pouring billions into the NHS -- but to fund pay rises and further layers of bureaucracy rather than better patient care. As a result, this month's report by the Organization for Economic Co-operation & Development puts the UK at the bottom of the heap as far as healthcare is concerned. The Vice-Prez and his cronies are clearly more interested in making the NHS achieve their worthless targets than in getting the customers fit enough to crawl to the voting booths.
To the huge disappointment of Vice-Prez Blair, Saddam Hussein has dropped his plans to buy the Millennium Dome. He now intends to joins his ex-wife, Sajida, and their two daughters, who are currently house-hunting in Leeds in anticipation of being granted refugee status in the UK. Leeds is the home city of Saddam's cousin, Izzi Hassan, and the family hopes to create a 'compound' in Yorkshire along the lines of the 'Kennedy Compound' in the good old US of A.
... bind a load of rubbish into 18 volumes at vast expense to the taxpayer; give your customers a few hours to wade though millions of words, most of them meaningless or totally irrelevant; spew out a load of jargon in the House of Commons; and then look smug.
Boy Blair Bogs It Up
2003/06/12 -- V-P Blair abolishes the post of Lord Chancellor.
Tax The Rich? Hang On, That's Us!
The government's official European trash-talker Peter Hain has been forced to brace himself, with ankles grabbed, while Vice-Prez Blair parked his bike with unusual force. The reason? He dared to suggest that the rich should be taxed even harder.
Trade & Industry Sec. Praticia Hewitt has declared war on fat-cat bosses who cop for millions as a golden parachute after driving a once viable company into the dust.
So That's Where The WoMD Are!
Most people accept that you can't prove a negative. But Vice-Prez Blair isn't representative of most people. He would have us believe that if no one can prove that Saddam's Weapons of Mass Destruction didn't exist, then that proves that they did/do exist. And so he was entitled to tag on to Prez Bush's coat tails for the recent war in Iraq.
It suited the anti-war mob to present an image of looters stripping Baghdad's museums while American troops stood idly by. But US investigators have shown that the facts of the matter were somewhat different. Just 33 major exhibits are missing, not thousands as the anti-war brigade claimed, about 2,000 minor exhibits cannot be found, and the collections are more or less intact.
George Galloway Is Somewhat Innocent
The Christian Science Monitor accused the exiled Labour MP of taking millions from Saddam and he took them to court. Now, the US newspaper has admitted that its sleazing was based on fake documents. Even so, George intends to continue with his legal action against them. After all, an apology with cash is better than just an apology any day of the week.
US close to a profit on Iraq War
The US government reckons that it has found almost enough buried loot to cover its costs for the war.
Bush Explains Lack of WoMD
"They were looted."
"Read my lips, there will be NO European army."
That's the gist of what Defence Secretary Geoff (Buff)Hoon said. But it has already been agreed that British troops sent to the Congo will be wearing EU armbands and their vehicles will carry EU flags. So the First Rule of New Labour Politics has been proven again -- if the Minister swears it will never happen, then it already has.
Horse and donkey, and ponies from the New Forest and Dartmoor, are usual ingredients of traditional European meat product recipies even if they have never been popular with carnivores in Britain. But it seems that the mainland Europeans are making sure that we insular Brits get our share of horse, even if it is by stealth.
EU Agricultural Policy Reformed
Nett result -- no change and everyone else will still have to pay a fortune to useless French farmers.
Battery-powered, palm-top lie detectors have been banned from the chamber of the House of Commons during Questions to the Vice-President. The TruthFinder 9000 is smaller than a pack of sandwiches and, after a little calibration, it offers an accuracy rate in excess of 88%. It is proving to be an essential tool for all those seeking truth in politics.
... 'to spend more time with his family'. So what's he done and when are we going to find out what he's done?
Trupti Patel Is Innocent, OK!
The jury was out for 90 minutes at the end of her trial. The vote declaring her not guilty must have taken all of one minute. So what were they doing for the other 89 minutes?
An OBE for Loyd Grossman?
If the Boy Beckham isn't bound for Barcelona FC, will the dodgy geezer who got himself elected Prez on the strength of a bogus transfer deal have to quit?
A Hot Time In The Old Town ...
Will the blaze in Alastair 'Dodgy Dossiers' Campbell's pants start a second Great Fire of London? And will Vice-Prez Blair have to recall the troops from Iraq to help the fire brigade put it out?
Phil Williams, a former Plaid Cymru member of the Welsh Parliament, dies of a heart attack in a massage parlour with a 5-star rating in sex guides. But he doesn't get sleazed!
Berlusconi Ducks A Bullet
Italy's PM has joined the Prez of France, Jacques Chirac, in Crooks' Corner. He, too, is immune from prosecution for bribery and corruption as long as he clings to office. All citizens are equal under the law, but top politicians are more equal than anyone else.
It's a politician's instinct to regulate things, like pub opening hours, because the more they can mess the customers around, the happier they are. Vice-Prez Blair is no stranger to control freakery, but he has forced himself to make an exception where pubs are concerned. So they can stay open around the clock, if they so wish.
It has been revealed that Dr. Harold Shipman has been working in the hospital wing at Frankland Prison in Durham. The Home Office has refused to comment on speculation that he was put to work as an orderly; wheeling elderly inmates around and collecting their meals; in the hope that he might arrange their early release in a coffin.
Back in 1993, the Belgian government passed a Universal Competence law, which allowed anyone to use the Belgian courts to bring war crimes charges against any person, no matter where the alleged crimes were committed.
France Stays True To Form
In 1999, Eric De Montgolfier was given the job of tackling sleaze in one of France's most corrupt cities. He is doing such a good job in Nice that the justice ministry wants him to pack it in and accept a transfer elsewhere. Sounds just the thing you'd expect in a country where the Prez would be in gaol if he were not in office.
The Personal Injury Hotline
Do YOU know someone who could benefit from an Accident?
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Not available in Ireland, where paramilitaries have a monopoly on personal injuries.
Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire!
Do YOU suffer from this problem? Then what YOU need is one of our range of commercial and political, personal fire extinguishers.
Our prices start at just £49.99 / €86.99 plus NO VAT because we don't believe in it. Full details from Romiley Personal Extinguishers, Unit 999, Riverside Drive, Romiley.
Government Action over the Railways
CURRENTLY, 21% of trains fail to meet their timetable by 6 minutes or more. The Government has decided to cancel 22% of all rail services immediately to ensure that in future, ALL TRAINS WILL RUN TO TIME.
An adjustment in fares of +6.4% will also be made to cover the costs of administration, revision of timetables, etc.
Issued for Her Majesty's Government by the Truth In Government Organization.
|Created for Romiley Anarchists' League by workers in revolt against oppression.|
Sole © RAL, June 2003.