Update | 2003/05/21
Here are the results of our email poll on what the French would prefer to be called.
Notes : (1) All of these votes were received from genuine French email addresses, but most seem to have come from North African illegals or citizens of other EU countries resident in France.
We've had Old Labour in power and they made a bog of things. We now have New Labour allegedly running things [in office but not in charge of anything] and they're making a bog of things, too.
TAKE A STEP IN A NEW DIRECTION on May 1st and thereafter!
What Do You Do
Drown your ignorance in 1,500,000 words filling 2,500 pages bound into 18 volumes. And then give your victims 2 days to wade through your garbage -- and not any old 2 days, the Cup Final weekend. That's what the Mugger did with his garbage about membership of the European single currency.
You know you've hit rock bottom when you can't even get yourself arrested! This is reported to be the fate of former Iraqi Communications Minister Mohammed Sahaf. Trying to find something to do before he takes up his new post at Downing Street as a Special Communications Executive, Mr. Sahaf thought he'd surrender to the Americans and wind them up for a while. But they refused to arrest him because he's not featured in the pack of 55 'Most Wanted' cards. Dozy lot, these Yanks.
Saddam Does Things By Threes?
Gulf War Watchers are now wondering what happened to the three Iraqi cargo ships, which were said to be sailing the high seas aimlessly before the war kicked off. They were supposed to be carrying Saddam's Weapons of Mass Destruction but the Americans were said to be reluctant to try to search them in case the captains scuttled the ships and caused a major pollution episode. If the war is over, why have we heard no more about these ships?
Honour Among Politicians?
One of Saddam Hussein's last acts as Boss of Iraq was to destroy his Weapons of Mass Destruction, according to the latest theories of why they haven't been found. So is Vice-Prez Blair about to be Profumo'd for lying to the House of Commons about Iraq's weapons, including the non-existent WoMD? Or does John Profumo belong to a bygone age when there was still honour in politics?
The latest bright idea to seep out of the O.D.P.M. [Office of the Deputy Prime Minister] is to send out a bloke on a motorbike when someone makes an emergency call and asks for the fire brigade.
Delivering Added Value? Well, Not Exactly ...
Control Plus, the outfit which provides Manchester with traffic wardens, is keen to give added value to the customer. So there was rejoicing when warden Damien Smethurst delivered the 'plus' of booking 101 vehicles in a single day -- double the usual rate.
Compensation Culture -- The Next Step?
A 17-year-old drunken yob has been ordered to pay £100 compensation to a copper for calling him 'fat'. A district judge in Barrow, Cumbria, decided that PC Montague, who is 5' 8" tall and weights 14 stones, had suffered mental anguish.
Saddam To Buy The Dome?
Saddam Hussein is known to have sent Qsay, his youngest son, to pulled off the Mother of All Bank Jobs in Baghdad in the early hours of March 18th. The crew of robbers took two hours to load $1billion in US banknotes (90%) and euro notes into half a dozen trucks and disappeared into the night before US bombs began to fall on the city. Three of the trucks are known to have entered Syria in the early days of the Second Iraqi War. The fate of the others was unknown -- until recently.
He's Behind You, Chaps!
Vice-Prez Blair is "one hundred per cent" behind the UK's bid for the 2012 Olympic Games, is he? Well, now we know for sure that we're heading for a shambles at best and a £4billion Millennium Dome-style white elephant at worst.
Passive Smoking -- No Smoking Gun
A new study published in the British Medical Journal has dared to state that the effects of breathing in other people's cigarette smoke are nowhere near as deadly as the anti-smokists would have us believe. The real story, however, seems to be the anti-smoking lobby's outrage that someone has dared to publish something that they don't like rather than the merits, or otherwise, of the research. How odd.
The Feck's A Stakeknife?
The IRA's chief torturer was a spy for the Brits all along, certain Irish newspapers would have us believe when they 'outed' him. But he's turned round and said it's all a mistake, he was never an informer and he's never even heard of the IRA and what the feck's a 'stakeknife' anyway? And that's probably the best plan for him. After all, the IRA can't kill him because that would be an admission that the dreaded Brits fooled them. And if he's not working for the British 'intelligence' services, they don't have to pay him his eighty grand a year any more. Great solution to a knotty problem.
The place, Riga. The occasion, the 48th Eurovision Song Contest. The achievement, our contribution scored nul point -- i.e. we were the most crap of the crap.
Patriotism is the last refuge of -- the Vice-Prez
The place, Warsaw. Vice-Prez Blair is desperate to become Prez of a eurostate after the next regime change in the UK and he's shown that he is prepared to surrender control of anything at all to the mob in Brussels to buy his way into the job. But he reckons that if someone opposes him, that makes them 'unpatriotic'.
John D'Amato was taken out in 1992 by Anthony Capo and Victor DiChiara, two of his torpedoes, on credibility grounds. His 'family' feared ridicule in organized crime circles if their leader was exposed as a homosexualist, something which is strictly against Mafia rules.
He was a crap prime minister at 49.
p.s. No birthday party for the Vice-Prez to avoid offending those who weren't invited? You couldn't make it up, could you!
The EU plans to ban bacon-flavoured crisps because the flavour-giving agent is carcinogenic. They're also planning to ban all smoked foods on the same grounds. We're now waiting, with barely contained anticipation, to find out how many thousands bags of crisps per day one has to eat to achieve a measurable increase in the risk level. Next on the hit list is shoving VAT on postage stamps, allegedly in the name of increased competition. But we all know the real reason -- it's to increase the amount of VAT tribute flowing into the EU's coffers. Why? Because the bigger the pot, the more you can steal without anyone noticing.
Why is Vice-Prez Blair cool with giving the people of Iraq a referendum on their constitution and not cool with doing the same for his customers in the UK over the EU constitution?
It's all very simple, really.
Jointly to the Parole Board, Mr. Justice Kay, Home Secretary Blunk and Lord Irvine
Jointly, to Culture-Vulture Secretary Praticia Hewitt, who doesn't watch 'reality TV' but who thinks the government should regulate it to prevent New Labour's customers from watching too much of it.
Jointly, to the jobsworth in Lincolnshire police who charged an ambulance service driver with speeding when he was on a transplant job, especially after the Cambridgeshire police dropped their charge from the same job.
Jointly to the politicians at the Ministry of Defence who sent a war crimes tribunal to investigate the conduct of Lt.-col. Collins in Iraq.
Hospitals -- surprise, surprise! -- diverted resources to A and E departments when the government's inspectors turned up at the end of March to gather data on their efficiency. They also cancelled operations to free up beds so that their customers wouldn't have to lie around on trollies, making the place look untidy. And then it was back to normal when the government had 'proof' that it's doing wonders for the NHS. As a result of the exercise, the hospitals didn't suffer a cut in funding, Vice-Prez Blair and his crew got to tell their customers that all A and E departments are 99% efficient with their hands on their black hearts, and everyone was happy; apart from anyone who needed to use an A and E department at a time other than the last week in March, of course.
Following in the footsteps of Prez-For-Life Niyazov of Turkmenistan (see BFN for August, 2002) and Idi Amin of Uganda, Prez Lukashenko of Belarus has decided that no one else can call himself Mr. Prez. Any heads of companies, unions and other organizations are for the high jump if they dare to call themselves 'president'. Like Zimbabwe, Belarus is now a poverty stricken basket case, where opposition politicians disappear and the secret police are firmly in charge. Sounds like another for Prez Bush's regime change programme.
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