"Can I borrow you for a second?"
   "I didn't even know I'd been borrowed for a first."

"He had enough enemies to populate a small country."

"If we're looking up the ass of a dead dog, I guess anything's worth a try."

"Who died and made you the boss?"

"All of a sudden, he DFOs". [done falls off]

"File it under DSAF – Did Society A Favour."

"You got a problem with that, you send me an email. Okay?"

"Can I buy you dinner, Officer?"
   "I've got a gun. We eat for free."

"And you know this because . . ?"

"Only his idleness and stupidity stop him becoming a complete idiot."

"This guy has got to be way smarter than he looks. Please!"

"They put a nickel in the guy's jukebox." [They put a bullet in his brain]

"You look like you're saving up for a ticket, my man!"

"Are you guys on a coffee break, or what?"

"What's on your so-called mind?"

"Anyone else with sticky fingers? Anyone else with an aversion to the sound of hardware hitting the floor?"

"You can't keep me here, it's against the law."
   "There's no law in this room."

"Don't bleed on the carpet."

"This place stinks!"
   "Great, it'll cover your approach."

"Any questions?"
   "Yeah, when are you going to cut the crap?"

"They're calling the shots and all we're getting is shot-at."

"What have you got to hide?"
   "Forty-three murders and a hot car. What have you got to hide?"

"Nobody moves, nobody dies!"

"Having fun yet?"
   "I feel like I'm in Grimsby on a wet Wednesday."

Male cop: "Hey, I was in there."
   Female cop: "Yeah, I'll buy a hat for the wedding."

"Why don't you just let the door hit your ass?"

"So she kicked him. Right in the Earth-moving equipment. Didn't half make his eyes water."

"Do you think I'll forget this?"
   "Do you think I care?"

"Paranoid is when you only think people are out to get you. This is definitely for real."

"This situation needs to be unfukt right now!"

"He was murdered in broad daylight."
   "Night time is for wimps."

"These people aren't so much leaping to conclusions as lemming to them. And we all know how easy it is to stop when you're over the cliff and heading for the ocean below."

"You don't care if the world is going to end in 23 minutes?"
   "Gosh! I'd better kill this bottle before it's wasted."

"How did someone so stupid get to be your age?"

"And now for something completely indifferent."

"Looking at this woman's handwriting, she HAS to be a serial killer."

"Does he smoke cigars?"
   "Only white ones."

"If I think of anything ..."
   "I'll be the first to know?"
   "No, you'll be the next to know."