Jokes For Hospital Visitors 3 | ||
"Doctor, every bone in my body hurts." "I don't seem to have much get up and go these days, Doctor." "You remind me of the sea, Doctor."
"Doctor, remember you told me last year to stay away from dampness if I wanted my rheumatism to get better? Is it all right for me to take a bath now?"
"Nice garden, Doctor. But have you lost something in that flower bed?" "Why do all the doctors and nurses wear masks in the operating theatre?" "Doctor, Doctor, my son has swallowed the film out of my camera." "What would I have to give you to get a little kiss, Nurse Jackson?" "Mr. Smith the tree-surgeon, isn't it? How long is it since your accident with the chainsaw?" "How did you sleep last night, Mrs. Jones?" "Doctor, how do you read charts upside down?" "Your coughing seems to be getting better, Mr. Smith." "Doctor, Mr. Smith is on the phone. He says he knows tests are important in diagnosing rare diseases, but it's six years since he first came to you and he wants to be treated."
"We can't use you as a blood donor until you give up drinking, Mr. McBooze. That last pint you gave evaporated before we could use it."
"I've been taking the vitamin pills but I still feel run down, Doctor." "Excuse me, Officer, how do I get to the hospital?" "If taking your appendix out is an appendectomy and taking your tonsils out is a tolsillectomy, what's it called when they remove a growth from your head?" "Why are you standing in that bowl of water, Mr. Cousteau?" "Why is it you're so angry, Mr. Smith?" "This ointment makes my leg smart, Doctor." "I feel like killing myself, Doctor. What should I do?" "I think you're a kleptomaniac, Mr. Jones." "Doctor, there's something wrong with my stomach." "I'm having trouble breathing, Doctor." "How long can a man live without a brain, Doctor?" "Doctor, I'm having trouble with chewing my nails. What do you recommend?" "I'm putting on a lot of weight. What should I do, Doctor?" "That's a nasty wound on your head, Mr. Smith." "This is a somewhat unusual piece of cosmetic surgery, Mr. Jones. Putting your initials on the bags under your eyes."
Temperamental is the only word to describe the matron. She's fifty per cent temper and fifty per cent mental.
"How are you after your heart operation, Mr. Smith? "What happened, Mr. McBooze? You've been unconscious for twenty-four hours." "I went to a psychiatrist when I felt like I was covered with gold paint but he said it was just a gilt complex. Then he started to go on about my negative mental attitude. He kept telling me: 'Mr. Smith, you must say to yourself I am going to pay for this psychiatric treatment.'"
"Your test results have come in now, Mr. Jones. Maybe it would save some time if I told you what was right with you."
"In this case, the membranocartilaginous epiphysis in the right knee is being aggravated by early stages of periosteoma, complicated by phlebomyomatosis of the leg, Mrs...., er... I've forgotten your name."
"Doctor, Doctor, I've got a cricket bat stuck in my ear." |
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