BlackFlag News
 
 2022/July 
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    WEEK 1    Putin the ‘git’ into agitprop

 
markermarkerNow we know
The Tories being mugged by Lab-Lib shenannygoats in last week's by-elections was all the fault of the former party chair chairman, O. Dowden. He is now history; he would have been booted out anyway in the summer reshuffle, and things can only improve now.

reader comment“Is it rachelism for gary bloody unwashed lineker to pretend that people think he's of colour? Or is he just getting even more desperate to be noticed than usual?” Arnie Droid

marker The inflation rate for tickets for some shows in the West End of London is now 20%. Impresarios are working hard to do better than this.

tick symbol Sky Max has just started reshowing the epic SF series Stargate SG-1 from the beginning. If they keep it up at the present rate of ten episodes per week, that will be all ten series shown by sometime during this November.
   Anyone who can't wait that long to find out what happens can always head for the Farrago Books website and download Mr. Wydey's episode guide.

UK flag President Boris has binned the green bollocks plans for biofuel production in the UK as he has been assured that the land would be better employed for food production to help contain the costa living crisis caused by Sirk Reepy Steamer.

Putinazi symbolBe Advised Putrid's poison has sunk so deep into the fabric of Putridstan that it will take generations to remove. And there are worse monsters lurking under the bed, waiting for him to be evicted.
   Which means that Russia is fated to remain an international pariah state @ least for the rest of this century.

marker What Xactly do the Yanks think they can do about it if they sentence G. Maxwell (60) to 55 years in gaol and she fails to complete her sentence?
reader comment“Have her cremated and keep the ashes in an urn in a cell for the rest of the term? Maybe less time off for good behaviour as cremains are not going to cause any trouble.” Bakkan Forth

bulletQ: If bacteria are described as live organisms visible only under a microscope, how do you Xplain the Thiomargaritas found in the Caribbean, which can be 3/4 of an inch long?
bulletA: Simple. They're not actually bacteria. They're something else that resembles a giant version of actual bacteria.

This month’s flashback—to August 2017
Eclipse Day USA

first class stampreader comment“Is it anything other than suspicious that Labour lost its deposit in the by election won by the Trivials and vice versa for the Red Wall seat? Its clear that they're trying to create a losers' alliance of ‘everyone against the Tories', no matter what lies the usual suspects try to fob off on us.” The Award-Winning Herbie McGrath

marker Giving the honcho of Birmingham airport a pay rise of 49% to £600K is in line with market rates? On which planet?

tick symbol Prince Chuck is cool with Commonwealth countries cutting ties with the Britisch monarchy as it will spare him the obligation to have anything to do with the appalling ones.

marker Should the nation give taxpayers' money to a bloke who got the NHS to degenitalize him? Of course not. His decision, his disaster, his obligation to live with it.

markerVandals is as vandals does
The alleged academics who claim that statue fellers & monument defacers and the lunatic fringe of the BLAME Bunch are indulging in pageants & public art have been placed in the same box as the Germanazis, who saw burning books in the same light.

all about the moneybulletQ: What would be another real disaster for the Labour party?
bulletA: Booting out Sird Reary Steamer and replacing him with Jonah Burnham the disaster area who's Manchester's cosmetic mayor & failed police commish.
   Let us not forget that GM police was put into administration as a total flop on his watch. Which is also the fate of the Metropolitan Police on the watch of London's present cosmetic mayor & police commish, Sadgeek K'Han't.

reader comment“20 years in gaol for Gilly Maxwell? With time already served and time off for good behaviour, she should be out again in a couple of weeks.” Moe Raliser

bulletQ: Will it affect Shirk @ Homers to any great Xtent if BT staff go on strike?
shirk @ homebulletA: Not to any great degree. People waiting for BT services to be installed can't be S@Hers. Only people needing repairs will be inconvenienced and the nation can treat this as just another pointless panic confection attempt.

markerWeird idea of public safety
The ‘community leaders' of Liverpool have decided that the police have to ignore all reports of someone brandishing a firearm in public if the perp is of colour, and people answering the perp's description should definitely not be screened by armed police who are ready to tackle an armed perp.
reader comment“What's the Slushtag for that? ^DeadScousersOK?”
Sexpi Stolls

bulletToday's question:
Which is worse, a Tory MP who gets too drunk to speak and starts groping anyone in reach or a Labour or SNP equivalent who steals from the taxpayer or party funds?

CFL logoTNF in the nation’s capital
Canada Day weekend approaching and it's not raining!
   The Lions got a TD from their second drive; a big scamper by QB Rourke. The RedBlacks started Q2 in FG range and that's what they got, 7-3 and 3 misconduct penalties to bring the total to 4. Another TD from BC was answered with a FG by the RBs, 14-6.
   A pick by the RBs in the score zone in Q3 set up a TD for Powell. A penalty on the RBs when they went for +2, DPI in the end zone, Charge! and 14-all. Another pick by the home side was returned to the BC 7. Charge! from the 1 The convert missed, 14-20.
   BC reached the RB 39. Bang! Wide open receiver, 21-20. Another TD for the Lions made it 28-20 going into Q4. An exchange of FGs, 31-23 with 6 minutes left. BC ate clock and kicked a FG with 1:09 left, 34-23. End zone DPI, Charge! +2, 34-31. But the RedBlacks couldn't pull off an on-side kick.

bulletOne for the fans of All Elite Wrestling!
What are the odds against that happening?
At least Danhausen to one.

Evil/Nicemarker Lord Frost is worried that the government's rights bill will outlaw comments on auntie social meeja that are legal in the real world. But since when did Twatter, etc., have anything to do with the real world?
reader comment“Lord Frost needs to be told that there will be no free speech online as long as there are trolls & vexatious wonks with nothing better to do than scratch their organ of outrage confection all day.” Public Woods

Z in a box President Boris is comparing the cost of defeating the Germanazis in the 1940s to the price for doing the same to the Putinazis now.
   This is an attempt to make his customers feel a bit better about not being rolling in dosh during a costa living crisis with every bugger else on strike and trying to pick the pockets of the decent citizens even more.

An obvious lie
is
the truth in Putinstan

Putrid the Poisoner has claimed that the troops booted off Snake Island in the Black Sea by Ukrainian forces were withdrawn as a gesture of goodwill—with the subtext: "having wrecked everything worth having on the island".
   How about doing the same for the gang on the mainland in the east of the country, which has been trashed thoroughly enuff by the invaders?
Russian stampreader comment“Putinstanis must be as thick as a whole forest of short planks if they really do believe that a 'special operation' planned to last for a couple of days can drag on for 6 months with no end in sight.” Con Strict
reader comment“If not believe, then pretend to do so to avoid a free holiday in Siberia?” Lou Smorrals

marker A report on the investigation of allegations of bullying of Royal staff by Mhegan the Merciless has been declared too horrific to be released to the general public.

O'BummerFar Queue symbol O’Bummer’s Legacy—the 2-quid litre
BP petrol in Romiley 189.9p/litre, diesel 199.9p/litre

rageWe bloody know
Members of the RMT are claiming they are not being paid what they are worth. And they are right. Most of them are overpaid to the tune of 27.3%. Include pension rights in the equation and the excess becomes 48.91%.

baseball hat ScExit from the UK can be a mixed bag for Wee Burney's gang. Especially for the SNP MP who has been sent to gaol for 2 years for dipping into a propaganda fund for Burney's referendum.

Edmonton Antlers helmetFNF in Hamilton on Canada Day
The TigerCats were disguised in grey instead of their traditional black. The visiting Edmonton Antlers had to give up a safety and were 0-9 down after the Cats scored a TD. The Ants reached the TC 1, TD, convert missed, 6-9. The kick off was returned for a TD to end Q1 @ 6-16.
   In Q2, a 58 yard FG try by the Ants had the same effect as a punt and got them a rouge. A FG in the 14th minute put the Cats 7-19 ahead. The Cats had to give up a safety, 9-19 at the half.
   The Cats missed a FG try in Q3. An exchange of FGs got the score to 12-22. A pass by Evans was tipped to the Ants, FG from it, 15-22. Another pick, early in Q4, yielded a TD. 22-all. The Cats went ahead with a FG. Pinned deep, they fumbled the ball to the Ants, pick-up & 6, 29-25. Needing a TD, the Cats went out on downs with 21 seconds left. The end and the first win of the season for either team went to the Edmonton Antlers. Hooray!

reader comment“When inclusion puts an end to fairness, as is going on currently in lotz of sports, it's clear that something has gone seriously wrong with the moral compass.” Mac O'Light
reader comment“Cheap knock-off compass bought from China on the interweb?” Bear Klupp

markerDegrees in English literature are becoming Xtinct. Universities are realizing that recipients don't end up in high-value jobs—especially if the course on offer is wonked up and deprived of literature of merit on blatant rachelist grounds.

Week 10
Britisch not-so-Grand Prix
   A rather dull race ended in chaos when masses of pointless protesters; mainly Xtinctionists; invaded the track margins and the pit lane. The event had to be called off on safety grounds; mainly to protect the police officers who were bringing cups of tea to glued morons.
   Half points awarded.
update F1 has decreed that L. Hamilton is not a neguinho as, in fact, he is quite a big one; although, not exactly huge.

Far Queue symbol ++ Louise Sam Milton in bigot storm ++ Says F1 figures of past 'should be silenced' if their views are not his ++
reader comment“It's a wonder he can get a swollen head that big into the cramped cockpit of a FWW1 car.” Incom Pleat

Z boxed AI systems created using datasets from the interweb will be unfit for purpose, Xperts claim. Why? Because the web is hopelessly contaminated with rachelist, sexist & wonk deviations from the truth and overloaded with fake news.

markerRevealed The source of the Labour claim that 6 Tory Red Wall MPs are going to defect has been Xposed. When the word 'party' was mentioned, the Red Wallers all assumed that it was an invitation to a social occasion with bier and curry rather than an invitation to turn their coats.

look leftNoises off
TheRazor May, income from speeches £2 MILLION, is claiming that President Boris is too weak to deal with the treacherous EFU. Given her record when (not) doing that job, we can conclude only that the grapes of rejection are particularly sour this year, no matter how healthy the rewards.

Bonquers The plan to pay people to use less energy during peak periods this winter is all due to the war in Ukraine & an attempt to cut carbon dioxide emissions and definitely nothing to do with the government's failure to provide reliable & affordable energy in sufficient quantities to meet demand.

rat'sbulletQ: How can it be that fraud accounts for 39% of all UK crimes and the perps strolled off with £3,000 MILLION per year?
bulletA: Because the police and the banks can't be bovvered to do anything about it, and if the customers get ripped off, tough.

bulletQ: How much of a list does a Grade 1 listed building have? Is it as much as that bell tower in Pisa or more?
bulletA: It's unlikely that true blue Brits would settle for anything as puny.

No sale
The wheels have come off Sird Reary Steamer's claim that he was on the side of striking miners in the 1980s. Multi-million-pound property magnate A. Scaregill, 184 and looks it, thinks his behaviour is utterly appalling and he has nothing but contempt for Sirk Reepy.

CFL logoWay out west in Regina
The visiting Alouettes took their opener to a FG. The Riders replied with a TD. Their kick off was returned 84 yards for a TD by Worthy, 10-7. A fumble to the Riders in Q2 went to a missed FG try and a single. The Als kicked a FG with 5 minutes to go, 13-8. The Riders replied with a 57-yard FG! 13-11 at half time.
   The Riders got a TD from their Q3 opener but no +2. A QB sneak by Fajardo in the 8th minute was followed by +2, 13-25. A fumble by the Als set up another SK TD and 13-32.
   A 5-minute drive in Q4 gave the Als a TD, 20-32. The Riders did nothing with a pick but got a single from a punt with 6 minutes left. Marshall returned a pick of Harris 90 yards for a TD, +2, 20-41 with 4 minutes left and that's how it ended.

first class stampreader comment“Ain't it the truth—the goals gary bloody lineker scores these days are own goals with his gob.” Wosser Dan

reader comment“It's all very well for President Boris to make meaningless defence spending plans for 2030 but what if Labour or the anti-Tory coalition gets a shot in the meantime?
   “There won't be a defence budget in 2030 'coz we'll have been sold down the river long before then and we'll no longer be spending our money.” Amper Sand

bullet The NHS no longer allows women to have a menopause. This is due to the malign influence of the non-specific creature cult.
As a logical Xtension of Shirk@Home, the NHS is planning to treat 25,000 customers in a 'hospital @ home' scheme to relieve overcrowding and bed-blocking.

Knee of Grace Only the good die young?
The German regime is doing its virtue flagging best to pretend to gaol a 101-year-old Lithuanian for being a wartime concentration camp guard, even though he won't be put in a prison because of his great age.

markerHeathrow airport demanded another £11/head from its customers but the regulator has ordered the mob running it to cut the current fee by 4 quid. But they have until 2026 to do it.

markerFish in a barrel equivalent
What does it take to be a Great White Hunter these days? Thousands of quids for the right to shoot an animal bred for the job in a special enclosure.
reader comment“The trophy might look impressive; but only to an idiot.” Frei Hogg

The Bier Broadchasing Company has been obliged to grovel before the bloke it slandered when he Xposed the shenannygoats employed by M. BashedEar to slide into an interview with Princess Di based on a loada lies.
   No one will be sacked @ the Beeb, of course.

tick symbol If we need coal for the steel industry; something we can't do without; it makes more sense to dig it up here than lumber it half way round the world from Australia, sez President Boris.
   "Deploying good sense as an argument is indefensible", scream the GW fraudsters.

Z markerAbroad has nutters with guns killing @ random, floods & collapsing glaciers. We have drunken MPs and DJs who get disgusting, and Sirk Reepy Steamer & tony b. liar. Sounds preferable. Apart from Sirk Reepy & mr. liar, of course. And Angelica Robot. And Captain Underpants.

marker Anyone seen in a drone-sourced photograph steering a migrant boat across the Channel is now entitled to a gaol-for-life sentence. Not a happy outcome for the sacrificial twat on the tiller!

cross symbolArgentina still has a major problem with the Falkland Islands, which have the wrong sort of inhabitants. Surprisingly, the people there don't want to live under the heel of an Argentinazi jackboot.

Fred of Paisley in Wee Burneystan has come up with a great reason why Prince Chuck took cash from an Arab prince—there isn't room enuff on a cheque for the donor to sign his name, which is Sheikh Hamad bin Jassim bin Jaber bin Mohammet bin Thani Al Thani. Which would give anyone writer's cramp.

bulletQ: How many friends of The Planet who cheered Greenhouse Grotter @ the Glastonbury music festival stayed behind to clean up the godzillion tons of crap & litter left behind on a working farm?
bulletA: Less than the number of bodies you can count using the fingers of one finger.

bulletQ: What's the carbon footprint of a bicycle race time trial if each biker is chased by a bloke on a motorbike and two cars?
bulletA: Don't ask!

bulletInclusivity is for the common herd. We prefer to be Xclusive & to choose with whom we are prepared up to put.

bullet There was a rare display of guilt from China over persecution of the people of Hong Kong @ the do marking the 25th anniversary of the end of Britain's lease on the territory.

baseball hatThe Gov. of the Bonk of England is going to make the economic downturn in the UK last longer than anywhere else. Probably pay-back for the lack of appreciation of his inadequate efforts to cap inflation.

bulletIn future, Royal staff will be able to Shirk@Home whenever Mhegan the Merciless is around.

Shriek!Sherie, our roving meeja correspondent, reports:
President Boris is off the hook over the ‘inquiry' into whether he lied to Parliament about partygate. In charge is the ancient Harridan Harperson (Labour), who has already delivered her own guilty verdict and can't deliver the truth without looking a complete twat.
updateHearsay will be accepted as ‘evidence' by the kangaroo court, even though there will be no opportunity to question either hearer or sayer, to ensure that Harperson gets the verdict she needs.

X-ray machinemarkerMedical Xperts are claiming that 50% of GP jobs could be vacant in 2030/31 and the trade will go Xtinct in 2036. Which opens up considerable job opportunities for those interested in becoming a village witchdoctor or shaman.

pound coinThe Halifax Bank has decided that any customers who can find an open branch will have to address the staff in the third person. To facilitate this, the inmates of the branches will be issued with a badge showing a superfluous name and the pronouns that must be used for communication.

marker Africans are claiming that if European & American governments impose a ban on trophy hunting, that will lead to the Xtinction of wildlife on their continent as there will be no incentive to breed replacements for the millions of animals slaughtered by Africans every year because they are in the way.

Far Queue symbol The Biggest Piece of Crap of the Month has to have come from the Islamist terrorist who was gaoled for life for his part in 130 murders in France in 2015. "I ask you to hate me with moderation," he said. Crap doesn't even come close, though.

Be Advised A politician not taking any notice of some loud-mouth twat yelling at him/her from across a street is now officially 'not engaging with the press', according to the BierBC.

first class stampreader comment“A government with a majority of 80 calling a general election half-way through its term? Only an idiot or someone as dishonest as the Kreepy Steamer would think that would happen.” Hugh Diddit
reader comment“Rikishi Snack wasn't up to the job. Neither was Vajid Javid. All President Boris is guilty of is being loyal to people who let him down. Not something the usual looney lefties will get, though, that loyalty thing.” Zac Curtain
reader comment“President Boris is more than entitled to pack it all in and make some real money again among a better class of people than those around him right now.” Adam Wallyhat

CFL logoGlorious & Free in T’onno
The US anthem for most of the players on their independence day then the Canadian anthem for the crowd. The blue ‘n' gold Bombers started against the double blue Argos. They had to punt but a pick-6 made up for it. Another pick, another TD, 14-0.
   The BB added a FG in Q2. The Argos managed a long FG in the last minute of the half for 17-3. An end zone pick by the BB with 6 seconds left did no damage to the scoreline.
   In Q3, Bethel-Thompson fired a deep pass, Speedy B vs a defender, TD Argos, 17-10. Lotz of defence. The Argos reached the BB 10, a tipped pass was returned to the BB 50 and they kicked a FG to start Q4. 20-10.
   The TA kicked FGs after 5 & 9 minutes, 20-16. The Argos battled to the BB 4 as time ran out. A high snap left B-T sacked at the 10, DPI and a 1st down at the 2, TD pass to Ambles!! 23-all and overtime? No, a DREADFUL miss of the convert and the Bombers won 23-22.

cross symbol Anyone who doesn't agree that the British Empire was a force for good in the world is not someone who appreciates Britain and should NOT be granted the privilege of citizenship.
   Same with people who can't spot the obviously bogus rights in the multiple option questions that go with the citizenship exam, which provides a valuable check of the ability to read & comprehend the language.

Z in a boxNecessary Toughness
The Tesco supermarket chain has come up with a tough policy for big suppliers that shoot their prices up Xcessively. Beenz won't mean Heenz there when ripoffery is detected.
   Same with the ketchup and everything else.

Far Queue symbol President Creaky Joe is doing his popularity rating no good at all by threatening to arrest & persecute American women who dare to go abroad for an abortion.

bulletQ: Is it really Boris' fault?
bulletA: Only an idiot thinks that and only someone on the make for personal gain pretends to believe it.

Z markerIf the best the BBC can do for a lead story on a no-news day is some confected BS about Groper the Pincher, it's time for them to pack up & go home. Political dynamite? Nope, just routine BierBC bollocks.
reader comment“Some dispensed-with civil service mandarin with a peerage pontificating about obfuscation? Well, he'd know. That's all his kind does—obfuskate around the truth.” Herbie Detector
reader comment“Luckily, I had a recording of the Monday Nite CFL match to watch instead of the BierBC's BS.” Dinna Giva

markerThe Bozo of the Week Award . . .
. . . has to go to Vajid Javid, sometime Chancellor & Health Sec., who showed the worst possible political judgement by doing a speech claiming he's not a quitter when he was . . . quitting.

markerHands-on Administration
Is it a heinous crime that President Boris didn't listen to tales that MP C. Pincher was a groping sex-pest? Or did he have more important things to think about? Or did he take into consideration the fact that Pincher was investigated when TheRazor May was in charge, cleared and promoted?
Mrs. Gobreader comment“Ignore wails from the Labour party that made O.J. Corbynstein its leader—with the full support of Sirk Reepy Steamer. And also put that warmonger t.b. liar in charge.” Bellia Cose
reader comment“Is he going to have to change his name to avoid tainting the legacy of the late Chapman Pincher, journalist, novelist & historian of note?” Villa Nuss
reader comment“Sir Reepy's only achievement is to be a complete waste of time rather than a partial one.” Sashest Six
reader comment“Someone like him pontificating about the failings of others just reminds us how little he's ever achieved.” Waterproof Jones

pound coinmarkerNursery fees for a 2-year-old child are now the best part of £14,000 per annum—which is about TWICE the old state pension for a lone adult.

The London Symphony Orchestra has binned the long-serving choirmaster of its Yoof Discovery Choir because he is the wrong sex, has the wrong skin colour and he is actually a competent musician.

Sergeant SchultzmarkerSchemocracy
Sergeant Schultz, Germany's honcho, is in gerrymandering mode in an attempt to prevent democracy from infecting the EFU.
   If Ukraine is allowed to join, the eastern nations (mainly Poland + Ukraine) would have a population large enough for rival the voting power of the Franco-German Axis and disrupt the cosy cartel structure.

markerBFD Department
The UN has outraged Putinstan by declaring that borscht beetroot soup is Ukrainian in origin and a protected part of Ukrainian heritage.

Blame the BunchSomething to tell the BLAME Bunchers & their ilk:
"If you object to what my ancestors did, why don't you hop into a time machine and tell them? 'Coz telling me has bugger all impact on them. And while we're on the subject, not a peep out of you about your ancestors. Maybe you can have a word with them, too."


Public Service Announcement

He's been called the Blogger of the Decade

His intellect is matched only by the size of his luck and the size of his bank balance. And yet he manages to keep his Feet On The Ground with the greatest of ease. Do yourself a favour and find out what Xavier has had to say about what's going on Right Now!

    WEEK 2    “All for one, and one for the pot”

 
marker ++ President Boris has binned Tory party leadership ++ Lacks sufficient back for all the stabbing ++ Party now unworthy of a person of his calibre ++
first class stampreader comment“What we have now is personality politics; non-entities trying to make everything about them rather than anything that matters.” Tin Gull
reader comment“The way things are now, no one who is any good will want to have anything to do with politics.” Fortified Johnson
reader comment“Talking about non-entities, Wee Burney isn't on course for a majority in the next election in Scotland, which won't do much for her yearning for an IndyRef.” X. Pulsion

tick symbol Mick of Rushdon has the right idea. Give the Scots a taste of independence by suspending the Xtra cash they get from English taxpayers under the Barnett Formula for 12 months.
   A year without their sub would be a good taster of what independence really involves.
tick symbol Same with John of Lincoln, who reckons the London weighting should apply only to in-office days. We'd go further for anyone paid by the taxpayer—subtraction of all Xcess payments already made via a reduction in future pay rises until the poor old taxpayer is fully compensated for the abuse.

yachtmarkerIs anyone in their right mind going to buy a supery acht confishcaked from a Putinstani oilygarch knowing that it will become a prime target for a torpedo up the propellor shaft from one of Putrid the Poisoner's submarines if it ever dares to put to sea with the new owner aboard?

tick symbol Those who record TV programmes to be able to race through the ad breaks will find lotz more time on their hands if Ofcom lets TV companies bung in more adverts more frequently.

Far Queue symbolFootlessprint as a consequence of passive-aggressive bullying
The Halifax Bank's rush to wonkiness is driving its customers away to other banks, which is seen as a HUGE positive in the drive to achieve zero branches.

marker Is it really customer service if the NHS Xpects them to go to a bookie's for a blood pressure check?

dopeStoned the new normal?
10% of the population will start smoking dope, we are invited to believe, were cannabis to be made legal to consume, as London's cosmetic mayor is demanding.

Glittery KreepbulletPutin the ‘rat’ into glitterati
Sirk Reepy has denied that he would form a coalition with the SNP to prop up a minority Labour regime and inflict the price of another IndyRef on customers who didn't give him an outright majority.
   So it must be on the cards as Plan A, given his record for kneeling in support of black American criminals and pandering to every meaningless minority going.
WTFH Lest we forget, Sirb Eery Smarmer was spotted boozing in a crowd in Durham 14 months ago but the local police have still not got round to slapping a fine on him for breach of Chinese plague regulations.
   As the poet didn't get round to saying, a Labour rotten borough is another country; they do things differently there.
reader comment“Selective law enforcement has always been the Labour way. You pick which laws you're going to enforce and who they apply to. Mates are exempt from everything.” Arbitrary Smarmer

Edmonton Antlers helmetTNF abandoned by BT bloody useless Sport
The Stampeders, visiting Edmonton, started with a FG. A huge pass play set up a FG in reply, 3-all. The Stamps fumbled the ball away, nothing from it. They were sacked to a FG try in Q2, which missed. The Ants gave up a safety, 5-3. Another FG went through, 8-3. Then a TD in the 12th minute, 14-3.
   In Q3, a FG try by the Ants missed and was returned for a TD the other way. Groan. 21-3. Another TD, 28-3. And another, 35-3. In Q4, the Ants fumbled the ball away, returned for a TD, 42-3. Just a FG from the Ants, 42-6. The Ants fumbled the ball away, another TD, 49-6. And that was more than enuff.

first class stampbaseball hatToday’s Discussion Topic:
t.b. liar—éminence grise or greasy? That's the man who gave us N. Farage & Brexit as a direct response to his enthusiasm for EFU enslavement.

eyesThe nation's Scouting organization is raising funds from the parents of kids as young as 4 by encouraging the kids to pester for Algae Boutique badges @ a suitable price. Do they have no shame? Apparently not.

Esso fuel pricesCANCELLED BP was booted out of Romiley during the first full week of the current month. Esso has taken over the site of the petrol station and convenience store, but the fuel is still the same rip-off—189.9p and 199.9p per litre respectively for petrol & diesel.
   Only the colour of the price display has changed from green for go to red for a threat to your personal wealth.

bonehead Captain Underpants (Labour), who told Speaker Hoyle to "F" in the direction of "off" a couple of years ago, has received a Civility in Politics Award.
   Is this Heavy Irony Month?
Are we really Xpected to think he's cleaned up his act?

bulletQ: Why are left wingers so keen to keep foreign criminals in the country?
bulletA: To avoid damage to the Labour vote.

BonquersDaft Idea of the Decade
Bringing in TheRazor May as a night watchperson if President Boris had folded his tent completely and departed with a final "Yaa-boo to the lot of you!"

face mask Hong Kong has been freed from democracy & irksome protests, Pres. Xi of China has announced. It's not a place for Xtinctionists to visit as there is a People's Security Force to ensure that anyone who glues themself to a street, street furniture or a vehicle will remain attached until they croak and can be dumped in a deep hole in the ground somewhere.

first class stampmarkerKeeps them out of the pub
Wot, actually, is the point of a computer like the one in the film Minority Report that can predict crimes a week before they happen if the police are still going to do nothing about them?
   Sounds like the A.I. researchers @ Chicago U. are in line for a Pointless Geezers Doing Pointless Stuff Award and not much more.

bulletQ: How do you get away with any crime, up to and including murder?
bulletA: Don't turn up when you're summoned to court knowing the police won't bother to round you up because they're too busy doing . . . what? Confecting imaginary hate crimes?


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reader comment“Kreepy Smarmer and Angular Robot cleared of rule-breaking by the can't be bovvered Durham police? That prayer mat of his must really work!” Five P'Tanq
reader comment“Obviously due to applying the transparency clause because that was as transparent a fix as you can get.” Prof. Ishent

first class stamp The Whichelow Conjecture is certainly of immediate interest now. It postulates that prime ministers are useless in office but once they leave the job, citing emissions from Major, bliar, Broon & May as examples, they suddenly overflow with the wisdom & insight needed to run the country properly.
   It will be interesting to see if President Boris is affected by the syndrome when he resumes real life as a historian and commentator.
reader comment“It's curious that Dave the Leader isn't mentioned. He obviously found something more attractive to devote his post-office time to other than the sort of interference on offer by the four busted flushes above.” Manty Core
reader comment“Good news for all the new ministers following the tsunami of hissy fit resignations. They can all claim any mess & shambles is the fault of the berk who had the job before them.” Four Katr

Z markerBut . . .
Of the 46 resignations listed in the papers on Stab Boris in the Back Day, only 2 were names of note and only 3 were in jobs of importance. The rest were just bag-carriers in the main and totally trivial.

bulletQ: Why do they call the referee in TV wrestling Batman?
bulletA: Because the main qualification for the job is to be as blind as one to avoid seeing all the dodgy goings on.
reader comment“Sounds like something applicable to politics and policing, too. Especially the latter.” Nome Ansland

CFL logoThe RedBlacks @ the RoughRiders on Friday Nite
Lots of defence then a FG from the Riders. A reply in kind from the RBs and 3-all. In Q2, the Riders were sacked to a FG. Bang! A TD for the Riders at half-way, 3-13. The RBs managed a long FG in the 13th minute. Another RR TD, 63 yards, followed by a FG as the last play of the first half, 6-22.
   Finally, a TD from the RBs in the 6th minute of Q3, 13-22. Another from the RR in the 11th minute, no +2, 13-28. A pick after 13 minutes by the RR, nothing from it. Masoli, QB of the RBs, was killed with 5 minutes left. No more scoring.

markerAnother case of you can’t win because you ain’t supposed to
The Labour party is in trouble for pushing an inclusion line for the fringe of its annual conference. Those not allowed to have stalls include a women's charity (Xcludes men), a homosexual charity (Xcludes heteros) and anything to do with tranyism (Xcludes cisists).

Week 11
Getting Real Cute
   The tunnel in which the lower track dives beneath the upper track was featured heavily in the advertising for the venue as something special as it gives the new track an impressive separation between its highest and lowest points.
   The organizers are still trying to work out how a pair of souped-up drag racers were introduced into the tunnel during the last lap. Team Far Queue's No. 1 car was in P1 entering the tunnel but it took the chequered flag in 3rd place.
   Media sensation! Monster viewing figures predicted for the next event to see what the script team comes up with next.

bulletGulp! The natives are getting restless. Some of them are demanding a 30% pay CUT for doctors instead of the rise they are demanding.
reader comment“And the same for overpaid train drivers.” Frei Hogg

marker Burying the bullying inquiry is being seen as the Palace's way of confirming that Mhegan the Merciless is guilty ‘coz it would have been published ages ago had she been cleared.

bulletToday's Wisdom
When a herd stampedes, the outcome is rarely anything good. Especially if they're lemmings and there's a cliff handy.

first class stampUK flagOnes who won't get Boris's job No. 1
Gritty Patel because she has history for snapping at useless civil servants, who always have 10 Xcuses for not doing the jobs they've been told to do.

reader comment“If the preliminary weeding out of no-hopers in the Tory leadership contest is done by email, the punters won't have to wrestle with long strips of ballot paper with 32 names on them.” Bran Snead
reader comment“But this sounds much too sensible for a political party to understand.” Grosse Phibb

CFL logoBattle of the unbeatens in Vancouver on Saturday Nite
The Lions kicked off and saw the Bombers return the ball 97 yards for a TD. The Lions got to scoring range but a pick set up another TD for the Bombers, 14-0. Charge from the BC 1 @ 00:00, 21-0.
   Q2 was mainly defence. The Bombers kicked a FG in the 12th minute. With BC at their 44, it was Rourke to Pearson for a TD and 24-7. Collards got chased about a bit, BB punt. Bang! Great move by Rhymes to take a TD catch, which left the Bombers with time for a FG to make it 27-14 at the half.
   The Bomberfest continued in Q3 with a FG then a TD, 37-14. Collards was flattened to close the quarter. The Lions started Q4 by returning a punt to the BB 31, Rhymes again with a TD on the next play, +2, 37-22.
   The next BC drive ended in a pick, which yielded a TD with a missed PAT, 43-22 and 11 minutes to go. The BB forced a fumble but a FG try hit the post. BC's backup QB got a run out, the Bombers missed another FG try. No more scoring.


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Mucho wailing & gnashing of teeth
Great disappointment in Pamplona after no one was gored to death during last week's annual bull-running event. The world of auntiesocial meeja is mourning the lack of videos of flying blood ‘n' gore ‘n' gutz!

yellow eyeCustodian Caper
Three security guards were arrested @ the Swig tennis tournament in London. Their spokesperson is believed to have claimed that the problem was all down to some mug punter misinterpreting a rehearsal of security procedures as a scrap rather than an excess of Kreepy Bier.
reader comment“If you accept the view that inclusion should be the starting point in sport, that means an end to separate events for men & women. Which means that Swig can be reduced from a fortnight to 10 days or even a week.” Bjorn Yesterday

first class stampmarkerAnother faller by the wayside
The leaders of the Scouting movement in Britain have been through their dictionary with a black marker pen eliminating all words containing 'man'.
   In addition, all sexist words like 'ladies' have gone, and all references to disabilities, especially 'blind', 'deaf' and 'dumb', the last being reserved Xclusively for Scouting leaders.
   The neo-Marxist tendency in the Untied States is getting the blame for this wave of wonko estupido, which is crashing all round the world. Except where communists, kleptocrats and religious fanatics are in charge, of course. They have their own forms of oppression for the masses.

markerHottest day of the year, we were told @ lunchtime yesterday. Cue masses of clouds parking over Romiley to put the mockers on this BS. And them clouds are back today and no one is melting.

markerIs it the fault of the government if airport operators and airlines are unable to run their businesses effectively? Only to the usual suspects.
reader comment“Maybe the government should just ban foreign travel and make the whole mess go away.” Din Gdup

bulletQ: How do airlines make money after cancelling millions of revenue-generating flights?
bulletA: By charging 3x or 4x the previous year's prices for what is left.

Revealed Making a treaty work requires either goodwill on both sides or overwhelming armed might on one side. There is definitely no goodwill on the EFU side of the Brexit treaty but they kno we have more nukes.

first class stampmarkerSide well let down
The first of colour Regimental Sergeant Major of the Coldstream Guards has turned out to be a blot on the diversity escutcheon. He's been caught in the act of selling ammo from the regimental range stores to a bloke he thought was a criminal and drug dealer.
   Wrong! Undercover copper and busted. K. Gill is denying conspiracy to sell ammunition, presumably because he actually did it rather than just conspiring to do it.
   His partner in crime, Lance-Sergeant R. Graham, has already held up his hands and offered no contest.

UK flagOnes who won't get Boris's job No. 2
All the Asian blokes are damaged goods for one reason or another. Vajid is too full of himself, Snack was a lousy Chancellor and the bloke who replaced him is out of the same box. If one of them is picked, he will be as popular as Sirb Eery with natural Conservative voters and remembered as a back-stabber come a general election.
Brexit! stampreader comment“Where Boris got bogged down was by being loyal to time-wasters who aren't worth the time of day.” Katom Vigge
reader comment“The big problem is that according to the latest National Resources survey, 73% of the population is appalling for one reason or another.” Belle E. Cose
reader comment“That's probably the reason why the police ‘service' is so much of a mess.” Noton Urneli
reader comment“At least he got to give the Govester the boot.” Wim Beldon
reader comment“Brilliant idea—maybe Pres. Boris should have a Resignation Reverse-Honours List. Starting with evicting Lord Blob McDonald from the House of Frauds. No K for tony b. liar. Just a really good clear-out of the worthless chancers who got a gong. Like J. Major.” Gelly Covid

Glittery KreepmarkerPutin the ‘trans' into transport could be the way to bamboozle Sirk Reepy into the railway picket lines.
reader comment“Honesty & integrity from a proven hippocrite & serial liar? Yeah, right.” Prof. Eshinal
reader comment“Anyone who's struggling to pay the rent now who thinks things they'll be able to with Sirk Reepy in charge is a complete idiot.” Zespi Cator

reader comment“Vajid Javid? Keeshy Snack? They should never be the Tory leader. As the Britisch population is 83% not of colour, the next PM needs to be representative of the majority and the culture native to the Britisch Isles, not some obvious minority pander.” Innis Dreemz

Far Queue symbol Lurpack spread @ nearly 10 quid a kilo in Sainsbury's? Sounds like a sound reason to avoid both of them.
holey cheesereader comment“That story about security tags on £3.99 blocks of Aldi cheese sounds rather whiffy. That's the price the 900 gramme ‘Big Cheese' blocks have been for ages in the Romiley Aldi and no security tags on them @ the last trip there yesterday.” Newtar Nold

Be Advised 1. The Chinese plague is Still With Us and spreading relentlessly, but it is also less virulent and less noticeable now.
Be Advised 2. Nurses want a 16% pay rise or they're going on strike. Rather more modest than the demand for 30% from doctors, but then there's lots more of them seeking to do over the taxpayer.

reader comment“If Wee Burney wants to be the president of an independent country, the weather @ St. Helena is rather nice at this time of year. All she'll have to do there is avoid getting arsenic poisoning from Napoleon's green wallpaper.” Sue Pagirl

markerNot so much green as lemon yellow
Green bollocks is sinking the Gloucester police farce. 21% of their cars are electric and they are proving to be right lemons. Why? The batteries go flat and there's nowhere to recharge them in this mainly rural area.
   When they croak, it's a case of send a proper cop car after the criminal(s) and a tow truck to collect the stranded electric car.

steamer

Far Queue symbol ++ Sirk Reepy Smarmer demands end to Tory zombie government ++ "Replace it with a Labour zombie government" he yells whilst stomping foot, enraged ++ Like that's going to do anyone any good ++ Like Sirk Reepy is thinking of anyone but himself ++

markerBigots On Parade
The BierBC is threatening the manufacturers of the Antiques Roadshow with cancellation if the performers fail to follow the official BBC line of trashing the Britisch Empire and its many virtues and accomplishments and benefits at every opportunity. Patriotism and loyalty to, and respect for, the values of the licence payer is clearly not a concept the management gets.
reader comment“But Putin the 'con' into concept is something the Beeb is good at.” Thred Ford

first class stampreader comment“If we were really having a costa living crisis, affording to fly abroad for a holiday should be out of the question. That so many people are trying to do it that airports and airlines are in a state of on-going shambles raises real questions about the reality of the alleged crisis.” Cash McGash
reader comment“If we are really having a costa living crisis, how come the diamond trade is thriving as well as the relentless demand for foreign holidays? Or are we in a 'splurge while you can and live off anyone with some cash left' phase?” Dogson Dinner

reader comment“Stockport council taking way more than 2 weeks to deliver the government's 150 quid to people who have been paying council tax from the same address for years is yet another example of how useless local government has become.” Prof. Use

25% of councils in England are trying to give white schoolkids an inferiority complex via biased indoctrination about white privilege and rachel bias. This is particularly likely to happen in areas controlled by the looney left and the Greenies, where children are told that they have to be either a rachelist or a victim. Nothing else is allowed.

WTFH University Xperts in East Angular have blown a ton of taxpayers' cash on confirming what everyone knew already, namely that people get cranky & narky when they're hungry.

Scottish flagReally Bloody Daft IdeaScottish Labour is preparing for a snap election? Well, it does give the useless buggers something to do, and no matter if it's a waste of time and taxpayers' money. Especially as the Tories won't have a new party leader until October, at the rate they're going.
furthermore . . .The SNP needs to do a lot more than scrape up a new English bogeyperson. Wee Burney needs to start fixing all the things she has allowed to become broken in Scotland. Such as the train services, which are now recognized as an international embarrassment, the holiday industry reckons, in addition to roads & bridges, policing, the NHS, trams, ferries, etc., etc.
reader comment“What the boneheaded leader of Labour in Scotland needs desperately is a brain cell transplant, which will give him 2 to rub together.” C. Onfection

Z markerThe downfall of the regime in Ceylon is being blamed on the pursuit of economically illiterate Green bollocks @ the Xpense of common sense.
   Sounds quite a familiar story.

Z markerAfter Ceylon, who's next?
Italy, Germany, the Netherlands, Poland and, of course, the UK are all being driven to farming poverty by Green Bollocks mentalities in government.

markerThe Tory leadership election was Xpected to come down to a battle between the Brexiteer, small government candidate favoured by the party at large and a token loser. All the speculation here was focussed on who would be picked to be the loser.
reader comment“Gove will win hands down over Hunt.” Gus Tavmahl
President Borisreader comment“One of Boris' biggest successes has been forcing large numbers of allegedly neutral figures in the civil service, especially Blobby McDonald, and the meeja to reveal that they are mindless subscribers to all sorts of looney left bias.” Jack Lintony
reader comment“One thing none of the commentators seems to have grasped is that the praise President Boris gave to the civil service in his "I quit" speech last week was heavy sarcasm aimed @ a ganga self-serving deadlegs.” Rash Eghole

bulletCivil servant—definition thereof:
Someone who, when given a job to do by a government minister, immediately retires into the woodwork to come up with 10 reasons why it cannot be done. Starting with 1. It will involve the stooge in having to do some work for a change.
reader comment“These are the people who put the child murderer T. Connelly @ liberty despite her participation in the torture & murder of her own son.” Godlo Outour

first class stampbulletQ: Why did all them Tory ministers & MP bag-carriers resign from government jobs?
bulletA: Because they all collected at least 10 grand a pop; some almost twice that; for the loss of a means to screw Xtra dosh out of the taxpayer.

markerLotz of bad guys at it everywhere
Security chiefs are investigating rumours that the plotting against President Boris was contrived by stooges in the pay of the Chinese & Putinstani regimes in an attempt to distract attention from their 'uman bluddy rights abuses and war crimes in Hong Kong & Ukraine.
updateMI5 is consulting with the FBI over its uncovering of a Chinese plot to have a candidate for an election to Congress run over. The concern is that something similar is planned for the UK and the target might actually be one of the nation's friends rather than a lefty enemy.

bulletToday's Question: Is Putid the Poisoner a Goa'uld?

Far Queue symbol Dutch FWW1 fans jeering @ a foreigner (Louie Sam Milton) and a rival to their guy—that becomes rachelist because he's 50% of colour? Cheap. Very cheap.

bonehead D. Williams, the honcho of Staffordshire county council's highways department, is the Tosser/Twerp of the Month after claiming that a cosmetic stretch of dual cycle lane 20 feet long in Kidsgrove is an improvement and makes cycling safer.


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    WEEK 3     Putin the ‘only’ into curmudgeonly

 
Wee Beesom BurneyBonquers"The country's problems run deeper than one individual", claimed Wee Bee. Who also claims that another 'once in a generation' IndyRef is needed for Scotland.
   By one individual.
   Her.

markerFilthy Lucre Dept.
Oak Wrapp! The Scittish Attorney General doesn't think Wee Bee has the legal authority blow English taxpayers' dosh on running a second IndyRef.

reader comment“Somewhere else Wee Burney's gang are failing—A&E waiting times north of the border have been nowhere near the target for over 2 years.” Nice Berg

marker The people who shake salt onto their grub just before noshing it are all going to die, is the latest message from the foodie Xperts.

markerCosmetic shift
South America is in a process of exchanging corrupt, usually military-led, right-wing governments for regimes led by looney lefties and cardboard revolutionaires, who would have us believe they've grown up a bit.
   No one in the general population is Xpected to benefit from the switch as that isn't the way things work in South America's bananalands.

bulletQ: What's this 'men applause' we keep hearing about?
bulletA: Something femmeblish & anti-inclusive

marker++ Recycling centre in Aberdeen goes up in smoke ++ Environutters trying to prevent Scittish government from meeting arbitrary enviromintal targets? ++

bulletQ: If He is the symbol for an element, why isn't She, on equality grounds?
bulletA: Because some branches of science haven't yet been invaded by wokery crap.

markerBuck-passing—wot else?
The Great Salt Lake in Utah is on the way to becoming a Not So Great Salt Pan, which is laced with arsenic, which will be distributed to the surrounding towns & cities in wind-blown dust.
   Man-made gorbal warmage is being blamed for the area's prolonged drought rather than the on-going water management failures of the authorities on a planet which is 71% covered with oceans and not short of water at all.

bulletQ: How come it's always tentacles on a monster. Why never hexadecimal 16?
bulletA: Lack of imagination on the part of animators with enuff computer power to do the job for 16tacles.

bulletQ: Is it true that Pres. Boris can't take anything seriously?
bulletA: Nope. He can do the serious stuff like Brexit, the Chinese plague and Putrid's invasion of Ukraine. What he doesn't take seriously is the trivia that nit-pickers & obsessives have to focus on 'coz they are incapable of grasping anything of consequence.

Good News Grey squirrels are causing climate change by wiping out forests. Wipe them out using a contraceptive brew in something they will scoff with delight, and we will also wipe out GW fraudsters!

heat wavemarkerDoomBuggers in the weather industry are howling about temperatures in Xcess of 140 deg.C on Sunday. And looking hurt when customers laugh at them.
   The official word, however, is that "a number of weather scenarios are still possible."
reader comment“Definitely beyond the scope of a greenhouse @ Kew Gardens for 140 deg.C. Maybe, just maybe in the middle of a really big stretch of concrete & tarmac at a southern airport?” Maxx Pandemic

Far Queue symbol ++ BierBC reporting on individual Tory leadership campaigns getting uglier & nastier ++ No one surprised ++

bulletQ: Was it a good idea for the BierBC to install Artificial Intelligence cameras in its new, billion-quid newsroom set?
bulletA: Not if they lose interest in the scene they're supposed to be showing and start flicking round the studio aimlessly in search of diversion.

Z markerMarsman Musk has revealed that it's his masterplan to father so many kidz that the 'uman race will have to buy tickets on his spaceships to go to another planet if they want some elbow room.

Edmonton Antlers helmetEdmonton Antlers in Montreal on TNF
The Alouettes went 2 & punt and gave the Ants a short field for a TD; but the PAT missed. 6-0. Swiss cheese toward the end of Q1 let the Als get close enough for a FG, 6-3.
   They went ahead with a TD 4 minutes into Q2, and scored another in the 9th minute, 6-17. Then a pick-6 a couple of plays later? No, down at the 1. Charge! for a TD, 6-24. The Antlers managed 2 FGs in the last 3 minutes, 12-24 at the half.
   The EA Q3 opener went to a missed FG. The Als did another Charge! for a TD, 12-31. Good night? DPI in the MTL end zone helped the Ants to a TD, but no +2, 18-31. They scored again early in Q4, 25-31. A pick by the Ants with 8 minutes left, plus some DPI gave Lawler a noteworthy TD with 4 minutes left and the Ants were suddenly 32-31 ahead!!
   Could they stay there for 4 minutes? Yes, they could for their 2nd win of the season; they are now 2-4.

markerQuite a problem
Is it possible to put your dosh in a bank that isn't run by idiots? Not the Halifax and not HSBC, which has been Xposed as a home for wonky cancel culture in addition to making decidedly dodgy financial decisions.
reader comment“That's the Hong Kong & Shanghai Bank for Criminals?” Urbane Legend

bulletQ: Is having a company diversity stooge a brilliant idea?
bulletA: Not if she's anything like the one the FA employed; and had to sack for bullying.

reader comment“If Scary Carrie is toast, does that mean the rest of us are saved?” Lou Dicrous

markerNational Highways is doing its bit to prevent overpopulation. The quango knows that removing hard shoulders from motorways kills people. It has known this for 3 years.
   Which just leaves population control as the only Xplanation for ripping up more hard shoulders.

markermarkerThe lights have gone out in Germany and bath time has been reduced to a quick wipe with a lukewarm flannel. Why? Putrid the Poisoner has closed down the gas pipeline's delivery rate to give the turbines essential maintenance—allegedly.
   That's essential in the sense of showing Sergeant Schultz who's boss.
markerThe Canadian government is getting a clobbering for Xcluding a Gazprom turbine repaired in Canada from sanctions on Putinstan.

markerThe euro is a tiny fraction of an inch away from parity with the dollar thanks to the EFU's failure to get a grip on energy supply. Not a problem for the Untied States, where fracking is okay.

markerbulletMarsman Musk has decided that his quest to take over Twatter is a waste of time as long as his minions calculate a bogus account rate of 20% and Twatter insists it's only 5%. A ginormous chunk of advertising cash is @ stake.
bullet++ Binned Chancellor R. Snack tarred with Cummings Brush ++ Accused of being on Team Desperate Dom ++ Accused of Socialist tendencies and being Broon tax & waste addict ++ Reputation & political future both @ stake.

markerThe Financial Conduct Authority, notable only for a string of disasters in recent years, is bringing in the former regulator honcho in Hong Kong in an attempt to halt its slide deeper into the Pits of Derision.

markerNo top too high to be gone over
The diversity cult is now demanding that all rich people should have mates living in slums & slum-dwellers lack credibility if they don't know a couple of dukes.
reader comment“Sounds like it's high time the cultists were taken out over the North Sea and dumped on Dogger Bank in the cause of national sanity.” Joe Kerr, M.M.D.
bullet"There is no Sanity Clause"—Chico Marx.

baseball hatJoke of the Contest: No-hoper J. Hunt declaring that he would make E. McVey his deputy PM as his ‘John Prescott'. Like the country needs another bumbling Two Jags figure!
baseball hatBest Slogan: PM 4 PM
Big drawback: her bro shops @ the Algae Boutique vociferously.

CFL logoFNF was a clash of the unbeaten teams in Winnipeg
The Blue Bombers opened with a FG. A quick punt for the Stampeders but the catch was fumbled to them, TD from the next play, 7-3. Defence into Q2, the BB were stopped @ & goal, FG, 7-6. The Stamps were sacked to a FG, 10-6.
   Agudosi was done out of a 38 yard pass play by a challenge and a bad OPI call, but he used his 6' 6" to take a TD pass with 2 minutes left. The BB bogged a punt with a few seconds left. The Stamps went boneheaded and just a FG from it, 13-all at the half.
   The CS went ahead with a FG in Q3. The BB kicked one but a penalty gave them the chance to go on to a TD, 16-20. The Stamps went out on downs @ the BB 4! The BB were sacked to a punt in Q4. The kick was returned to the BB end zone; cancelled for holding @ midfield, just a FG, 19-20. Agudosi did end zone high-pointing for another BB TD, the PAT missed. 19-26.
   The Stamps blew up on 3rd & 14 @ their 53 but roughing the Mitchell gave them a first down. On to an end zone pass which was tipped up by the receiver & grabbed by a defender! 49 seconds for the BB to eat. They remain unbeaten @ 5-0 and the Stampeders are now 5-1.

boneheadbullet The Church of Englandland is attracting derision for not knowing what a woman is. Wonkydoodaa.
bullet Oxford U. Is getting its rule book for free speech written by rachelists, lefties and cancellers. How very C21.

markerWhatever happened to fair’s fair?
This diversity garbage works both ways. Prime Monsters/Presidents should look representative of the people paying them and being Xploited by them. How likely is it that India or Pakistan would ever make a white immigrant the leader other than ain't never gonna happen?

Far Queue symbol At last weekend's Durham Miners' Gala, O.J. Corbynstein got a big cheer. No big boooo for Sirk Reepy Smarmer as he didn't dare show his hippocritical mug there.

rageCounterblast Department
Boneheaded interviewer: What is a woman?
Astute politician: If you don't know at your age, you haven't been paying attention.

markerU-Turn Ultimatum
Ex-Chancellor R. Snack sez he will cut taxes if the Tory party makes him the next honcho but the sub-text is that they will have to break both his legs, both arms and let him know his head is next on the list actually to get him to do it.

marker"Fizzie Lizzie"? Fun.
"Penny Mordor"? Run & hide.

markerWho sez politicians can’t be fun?
Cross-dressing MP J. Wallis was wearing a leather miniskirt & a pearl necklace when he crashed his car. He phoned his dad for a lift home, police officers forced entry into the house and seized the miniskirt & the pearl necklace!
   Try putting that in an Agatha Christie clone crime novel and you'd be laughed out of every publisher in the country.
   This story gets even more bizarre. Wallis was driving to his estranged wife's home in his weird get-up when he had the crash.
   Cardiff's magistrates didn't buy the story that he has PTSD and relieved him of £3,310 and awarded him a 6-month driving ban. How long the police clung on to their loot was not revealed.

markerLeast credible Terminal Heat Wave story
A spark set fire to wooden railway sleepers on a bridge in Battersea.
   "Do they know how hard it is to set fire to a big chunk of wood?" said our Xpert. "Unless it's drenched in accelerants, of course."

Far Queue symbol The antisocial parts of Romiley celebrated International Make A Racket & Annoy Your Neighbours Day on Sunday afternoon.

Shriek!bulletNHS customers are ordered not to get sick as there is too much demand at the moment.

marker Why are so-called art Xperts surprised to find a discarded Vincent van Gogh self-portrait's canvas recycled for another work? Happens all the time. You can't waste all the effort put in to creating a canvas and preparing it for use if you're a struggling artist.

Getting Creative!
The football authorities in England will address the current spike in Chinese plague infections by segregating unvaccinated or insufficiently vaccinated players.
   They will be obliged to take to the pitch wearing a face mask and a harness carrying a hoop of radius 2.5 metres. They will not be allowed to head the ball or touch it with their hands, and if an opposing player touches their hoop, they will have to pass the ball immediately or surrender it.
updateNo vaccination against the Chinese plague, no place in the England team for this year's World Cup.

CFL logoAn all-East clash in Hamilton in Week 6
The visiting RedBlacks went to a TD with their opener. The 3rd TigerCat effort produced a rouge from a punt. The RBs went 10-1 up with a FG in the 13th minute. The Cats went to a FG in Q2 and 10-4. They reached the RB 2 but blew up on a 3rd down! But a pick gave them the ball back and a Charge! worked for a TD. Plus another in the last minute for 10-18 at half-time.
   In Q3, the RBs had QB Evans doing a Charge! after 4 minutes for 17-18. Then the punters got lotz to do. A sack/fumble by the Cats gave the ball to the RBs up close. Cue another Charge! by Evans but no +2, 23-18. The RBs returned a TC punt to their 8 but were picked on 3rd & goal.
   1:45 for a TD for a home team win. Boot! by the RBs, 1:03 for a winner. 3rd & goal @ the RB 3, TD, 23-25, good night? Not quite. The RBs reached the TC 47 and tried a FG into the wind. Just short. It's amazing to think that was just the first win of the season for the Cats, who have been in the last 2 Grey Cups.

Far Queue symbol Trade unions are demanding that binmen in the Sarf of England be allowed to Shirk @ Home ‘coz it's hot.

baseball hat The Snack camp in the Tory internal election has been accused of handing out fake votes to rivals to bring the leadership chase down to their guy vs some more obvious no-hoper.

bulletQ: Is that ‘rebung the economy' or ‘reboot'?
bulletA: It's probably rebung—and needing a tax rise to pay for it.

reader comment“A field of 8 in the UK should contain just one ethnic minority candidate by diversity, equality & fairness rules. But, apparently, using those rules applies only when it's convenient for displaying wonkish credentials.” Less Philipps

bonehead M. Drakula, honcho of the Welsh Senned, is getting mucho derisiono for cutting the national speed limit to 20 mph based on some totally dodgy road safety statistics.
ALSO A female celeb has to be really desperate to be noticed if she has to claim that reaching the men applause has given her a beard.

Kreepy KneemarkerOne or t’other
Sirk Reepy Smarmer is either incredibly pissed off ‘coz no one is giving him any of the attention he craves ‘coz of all the shenannygoats of a Tory leadership election going on. Or he is incredibly relieved that no one is noticing what a clueless waste of time he is.
bulletLest we forget:
Anyone who doesn't know what a woman is is an irrelevant idiot and not worth bothering about.

reader comment“^blackliesmatter—but still we get them shamelessly from politicians and second-hand from the alleged news meeja.” Esty Krakatoa
reader comment“We are definitely being aimed at Fizzie Lizzie 4 PM rather than the treacherous Mr. Snack.” Shog Banion

space telescopemarkerIs it VFM?
The first images from the newly deployed James Webb Telescope, now orbiting the Sun a million or so miles from Earth, are getting lots of oooh! aaah! reactions. But if the thing cost TEN BILLION BUCKS, nothing else will do!
reader comment“We're also expected to be surprised that the pix contain stuff that the Xperts can't Xplain. But if they could do an Aristotle and Xplain everything from a chair in their fave bar, they wouldn't get any Xpensive toys to play with. The only reason for wonderment would be if they could account for everything not seen before.” Noah Chance

thermometermarkerScorched 2 a Frizzle!
Monday 18th:
32 deg.C outside in the shade @ 1 p.m., a comfortable 27 deg.C indoors, up from 26 deg.C during the night.
   A reading of 59 deg.C was recorded in direct sunlight @ 1:45 p.m. until a light breeze spoilt an attempt to record 60 deg.C.
   Down to 45 deg.C @ 14:10 when clouds blew over. 39 deg.C @ 15:40 when the Earth's rotation had put the thermometer in shade.
   30 deg.C and quite comfortable indoors & out at 9 p.m.
   29 deg.C overnight to Tuesday.

Far Queue symbol Record confecters are all on overtime, looking for the biggest area of tarmac and/or concrete they can access.

Far Queue symbol Another failure for Sirk Reepy—his confected confidence motion was grotted on thoroughly in the Commons.

bulletQ: Why is it a Bad Thing for a politician to ditch a daft woke view for something more in line with what the customers she'll represent think?
bulletA: You're making the fundamental error of applying common sense to the world of politics and looney media.

markerDespite; or maybe because of; all the slagging off in the Tory leadership competition, the customers @ large, who don't have a vote, are still telling pollsters they still want Boris as their president.

baseball hat++ Wildfires in Portugal, Spain, France & Turkey ++ Shameful failures of scrub management not getting the blame, climate change is ++ Failure to make adjustments to a slow process isn't ++

boneheadIn the UK, failures by water companies to check leaks, create reservoirs where needed and create a national water grid will lead to the usual hosepipe bans and a no-blame culture to preserve the bonuses of water company bosses.

1 eurobullet++ Euro falling below parity with dollar blamed on Putrid invasion of Ukraine ++ And probably also Brexit ++

bulletQ: How will a UK prime ministerial hopeful having a cute answer to ‘what is a woman?'get Putinstan out of Ukraine?
bulletA: You've got me there, mate.

markerDoomBuggers always get it wrong. Something else they've bogged up is the state of the Britisch economy which, to their frustration, is actually doing okay, thank you very much.

markerMajor problem—none of the Tory leadership candidates has the breadth of Xperience to be prime monster. Likewise, the leaders of the opposition parties.

Was the unwashed gary bloody lineker teased at school ‘coz of his darkish skin? No, sez someone who was there at the time, it was ‘coz he had sticky-out ears. Maybe Mr. bloody lineker should go for a career in politics. He certainly has the right attitude to the acutalité.

markerThe rail unions have got it in for the Commonwealth Games. They plan to wreck the event with strikes to show all them furiners who's boss.

cross symbol The bosses of Asleep, the train drivers' union, got a 10% pay rise last year when inflation was 2.5%. No doubt they'll Xpect 44% this year if inflation reaches the predicted 11%.

bulletQ: TERF?
bulletA: Tosh-Excluding Realistic Folk

Putridstan has abducted between 900,000 and 1.6 million Ukrainians, many of them children who are subjected to forcible adoption. This is a war crime, civilized nations agree.

The president of Ceylon was reported to have resigned via a ‘so long, suckers' email before heading to Saudia to join his looted billions.
   The Italian PM, M. Draghi has attempted to resign but the president of Italy won't let him as it is too hot for a general election there.
   No email system in Italy?

Z markerThe Shirk @ Home culture is killing off the lunchtime trade in pubs.
   But there is some good news flying around. The UK is a world leader in cancelled flights due to airline airport incompetence.

60 deg.C, 14:14 on 19/07/2022Bunk Off Tuesday, the Day the Snoflakes Melted—Our Reports

markerTuesday 2022/07/19: 29 deg.C indoors, 56 deg.C outside in direct sunlight @ 10 a.m.
   The outdoor thermometer reached 60 deg.C several times but there was a strong sirocco wind blowing; which required a decent-size rock to stop the thermometer from being blown off its perch; and a dash with a camera when the wind dropped to get the 60 deg.C shot.

markerAnyone impressed by a new temperature record confected amid all the tarmac & concrete @ Heathrow airport? No?
reader comment“How about the hot house @ Kew Gardens. They must have got that thermometer up to at least seventy.” Occasional Bling

hatman Advocates of Continental-style double-decker trains don't seem to realize that they would involve a lot more than enlarging some tunnels. All tracks will have to be relaid on bogus safety grounds to cope with the increased weight. Same with all bridges & embankments.

bulletQ: Why is Sirk Reepy Smarmer so wooden?
bulletA: His previous job was being a banister.

markerIf Putrid the Poisoner succeeds in starting a nuclear war, will he claim that causing the subsequent nuclear winter has solved gorbal warmage?

bulletQ: What do you get if you ride your bike into a 79-year-old, killing her, and just swan off?
bulletA: One lousy year in gaol, probably out in 3 months.

CFL logoMore East vs West in Week 6
The Riders got to FG range in T'ronno, missed for a point. Lots of defence until the Riders managed a FG in the 13th minute for 4-0. The Argos started Q2 @ the RR 8, TD, 4-7. A 51 yard pass play on 3rd & 1 got the RR to the TA 17, Fajardo was dinged and no penalty! Bad call, FG, 7-all after 5 minutes.
   A high point pick gave the Riders the ball; nothing from it. A pick by the Argos went to a TD for Phillips in the 13th minute, 7-14. Penalties on the Argos helped the Riders to a TD and 14-all. The Argos had a minute left for a go ahead TD, 14-17 at the half.
   A bad snap in Q3 held the Argos to a FG, 14-20. Lots of punting and a punch up. A rouge from a punt by the Argos 3 minutes in to Q4, 14-21. The Riders made it 21-all and went ahead with a FG after 10 minutes. More aggro. The Argos missed a FG for a single with 3 minutes to go. A pick-6 and +2 gave the home team a 24-30 lead with 2 minutes to eat for their second win of the season.

marker ‘Text your number to' phone competitions were £1 a go. They are now 2 quid.
Inflation rate 100%.

Scottish flagmarkerGive up now?
DoomBuggers in Scotland are claiming that fish and all other marine life will become Xtinct ‘in a few years' and insects will die out over the next 20 years, causing a collapse in agriculture as there will be no pollination.
   The Good News for The Planet is that climate changing ‘umans should be Xtinct by 2050.
bullet The Scittish government is promising them 'umans something cosmetic, which will probably never get done after the virtue flag has been waved and put back in its box.

bulletQ: "The oceans are fundamental to keeping the planet healthy"—what is wrong with this sentence?
bulletA: The world ‘healthy'. The Earth has done okay without oceans—and without ‘uman beans for most of its Xistence. It doesn't need either still to be around when the Sun goes nova 5 billion years hence and swallows it up.
   ‘As it is at the moment' is more accurate than ‘healthy', and something which is outwith the Xpertise of the ‘umans squatting on a planet which is in a constant state of flux.
reader comment“And all fluxed up by the ‘umans?” Bargi Nunt

writer comment“Now it's started raining again, is the government going to stop being our nanny and will the BierBC stop telling us we're all gonna die in the heatwave? Which is all the fault of the Tories, don'tcha kno.” A.L.M.

markerA new world record has been set for the number of confected heatwave and other records bearing the tag ‘within living memory'.

markerAnother Xample of Wee Burneystan’s
Dog-Whistle Politics

"Scotland must yell about the poorest countries being zapped by the climate egermency," yells the voice of worthiness there. But who with any clout is going to take any notice of such an insignificant and impoverished wee country? Which will have its hand out with the rest if it ever dumps the UK and English taxpayers.
reader comment“Let's face it, that lot are never ever going to get the message that whatever we do here is irrelevant on a global scale. The twerps are still going to keep on posturing with a fist in the taxpayer's pocket.” Robby Nickson

bulletAll the hype from the COP-Out BeanFeast in Glasgow last November is dust now.

bulletThere is no need for concern about the cladding on condemned flats refurbed for Ukrainian refugees. It is perfectly safe as long as no bugger sets fire to it.

bullet In Ukraine, Putinstan's army is directing its weapons increasingly against civilians as they lack the capacity to shoot back.

heat wavemarker“Ferocious Heat!”
The Medical DoomBuggers were predicting that thousands of people, including the fit & healthy, would drop dead on Monday & Tuesday.
reader comment“So that's yet another spurious world record to be confected?” Raison Deathtrap
reader comment“We can hope, but has the heatwave managed to melt all the snoflakes and give us a rest from their whinges?” Jonth Pollcan

marker85% of the population of Romiley wiped out by Thermal Event, DoomBuggers claim.
Doesn't seem to have affected DoomBuggers, though.

baseball hatLocal councils banning diesel vehicles to Save The Planet, the crazy price of diesel fuel and the even crazier price of electric ice cream vans are driving the trade into Xtinction.

ragereader comment“P. Mordor won the Falklands War (age 9¼) and is a friend of Xploding Islamists & transisters, and is really multi-talented and a super person. Just the person to get Putin the Poisoner quaking in his boots.” Grail Mothra

Sacked SnackFar Queue symbol R. Snack stopping charging the taxpayer for the running of his parliamentary office A YEAR AGO is being taken as an indication of how long he has been plotting to stab President Boris in the back.

bullet++ Sacked Chancellor Snack doomed ++ Ex-prime monster Wm. Hague likes him for the job ++

marker"Someone openly adverse may prove a curse,
But a smiling pretend friend is so much worse."
   —after the English poet John Gay

baseball hatFour no longer executives of the Fukushima nuclear plant, which melted down after being hit by a tsunami in 2011, have been declared liable for $100 BILLION in clean-up costs.
reader comment“Good luck with getting that much dosh from these 4 blokes!” Dred McGram

    WEEK 4    Putin the ‘mental’ into ornamental

 
markerBudget airline mentality
BMW is in trouble for charging Xtra fees for the use of gadgets built in to their cars, such as heating for the steering wheel and front seats.
   Drivers also have to pay to deactivate features like the 2" spikes that poke up through passenger seats at least once every journey and the gadget that prevents the vehicle from shedding at least one wheel @ motorway speeds.
   Sales of Beemers, corrected for the pandemic, are 16% down and still sinking.

Scottish flagreader comment“You have to feel really sorry for someone in Scotland who wants the Home Office in London to do something for them and their MP is Scotland's biggest curmudgeon I. Blackford, who will use your case as an Xcuse to abuse the Tories and make himself even more unpopular rather than do you any good.” Subar Kerr

heat wavemarkerHype till it hurtz?
DoomBuggers are claiming that 40 deg.C heatwaves are going to become common in Wee Burneystan. Which means the temperature in the South of England will be wot? 50 deg.C? 55 deg.C? 60 deg.C?
   Like that's going to happen.
reader comment“London's burning? Crap. Just a tiny village way out in the ‘burbs. Hottest UK day ever? More crap. Only since records began, which ain't anything like ‘ever'.” Mans Praeding
reader comment“Okay, the Scorchiologists are back in their box. What do we panic about for the rest of the week?” Chip Sardine
reader comment“We can hardly wait for the Scorchio Scumbags to come back with some more DoomBuggery.” Reese Mechanical
reader comment“At the rate we're going with confected crises & egermencies, everyone in the country is going to have to become a DoomBugger just to keep pace with the demand.” Evul Grinn
reader comment“Even kiddiewinkies and babes in arms will be getting their indoctrination in nursery schools!” Fawkes Steinsteen
reader comment“Did anyone see any heavily pregnant women dashing around like mad things on Sun., Mon. or Tue. in defiance of the orders of the Scorchiologists?” Tactical Jones

marker Student societies @ universities are going Xtinct. Snoflakes keep getting worthwhile speakers cancelled and insufficient numbers of students want to attend meetings featuring speakers the snoflakes approve of to make the effort of attending worthwhile.

markerAttention DoomBuggers:
If WE stop dumping carbon dioxide into the atmosphere, the world WON'T stop warming. You need to be nuking the Chinese & Indian coal-fired power stations to make a difference. But that's not what you're about, is it?

WTFH After decades of research, the Xperts have come to the world-shattering conclusion that skinny people are like that because they eat 12% less than people of average weight. Nothing more complicated than that.

No surprised that sacked Chancellor R. Snack won't say when he decided to stab President Boris in the back. No matter whether he reveals all later or sooner, he will take a clobbering for disloyalty & Smarmer-level hippocrisy in appropriate amounts.
[Definitely out of the same box as ‘have you stopped beating your wife?' Ed.]

bullet Why do the ‘Liz 4 Leader' gang get called Trussites? Trusstys is way better.

$1 stampreader comment“Whose totally daft idea was it to keep having whittling down elections every other day for the Tory leadership? The whole thing could have been done quietly and discreetly by giving MPs a couple of weeks to pick their favoured two to offer to the party at large. Would have done a lot less damage.
   “No chance of the party at large saying ‘none of the above, thanks' and getting the MPs to pick two more mugs?
   “Thought not.” Ayu Kiddinme

markerCrap of the Month:
The BierBC's Panorama show confecting a loada BS about SAS death squads based on bugger all in the way of evidence. Team Putrid in action again?

markertick symbol The gambling industry is confident that the next government in the UK will rip the wheels off the dragging on and on plans for reform of gambling in the name of not driving ordinary punters into the clutches of the black market.

CFL logoTNF from the nation’s windy capital
The Alouettes fumbled away the kick off return but no damage. The next RedBlack drive produced a TD. Then they missed a FG for a single, 0-8. In Q2, a rare successful challenge got the RBs close, but only a FG and 0-11. Charge! for a TD by the Als after 4 minutes, +2, 8-11. A huge run to the RB 19 set up a TD for the Als, 15-11 in the 12th minute. An exchange of FGs made it 18-14 at the half.
   In Q3, the RBs went ahead with a FG, Charge! from the OTT 2, 25-17 in the 9th minute. The RBs tackled the MTL return man in his end zone for a safety; why the review? 25-19. A Charge! with the RBs @ & goal put them 25-26 ahead.
   The RBs won another challenge in Q4! But got nowhere. A 3rd down TD with +2 put the Als 33-26. The Als returned an RB fumble miles, on to a TD and 40-26. A TD for the RBs inside the last 3 minutes, 40-33. But that was as close as they could manage.

baseball hat You shouldn't drink wine till you're 39, is the latest 'elf message from the Xperts. There are 'elf benefits after 39 but only disbenefits before then.
[Like anyone will take much notice of that. Ed.]

Far Queue symbol Wonkologists are trawling through the Royal Collection of works of art in search of stuff to retitle tweely and provide with confected slavery links.

CFL logoLater that same night, out West in Vancouver
Just a FG for the Lions in their home match with the TigerCats, who made it 3-all early in Q2. BC got close and were stopped. The Cats did nuffink with a pick. A TD by BC in the 10th minute put them 3-10 up. The Cats kicked a FG with 2 minutes left, 6-10 at the half.
   In Q3, BC recovered a fumble and fired a pass to the end zone for a 6-17 lead. Bang! An end zone pass by the Cats, no +2, 12-17. In Q4, it was no cigar for the Cats from a 3rd down go for goal in the 13th minute. They made an interception @ 1:36 for a spot of hope, but they were picked themselves @ 00:00.

reader comment“It's not a 'Race for No. 10' if it's July now and the winner won't be picked until September. Unless we're talking snails with a 10 kg backpack.” Polla Mint
reader comment“R. Snack is the one the Chinese want to win, which can't be good for the rest of us.” Ian Husher

Good News Prince Hairy thinks we're all doomed and that means he is also for the chop, as is the Merciless One, and their whinges will be silenced when they are cancelled.

postage stampreader comment“If it's not the National Truss as the next Tory leader, anyone who gets a job from Mr. Snack will feel entitles to stab him in the back under the 'do as you would be done by' rule. Which means that he'll probably be trying to look over his shoulder when the fatal blow hits him squarely in the chest!” Nec Stadverts
reader comment“Just 8% of the population are claimed to think rail workers deserve big pay rises. Which is enuff for the RMT bosses to insist that the country supports them. Kreepy, or what!” Kerr Ching

Z in a boxbulletQ: Who gets the blame when the lights go out in Germany this winter 'coz there's no means of generating electricity?
bulletA: Angular Mherkel, the German Greens and the rest of Team Putrid there.

baseball hatThe lack of hot water in public buildings in Germany during the present emergency won't bother visitors from France, where the taps are labelled 'C' for cold and 'F' for freezing.

bulletQ: Would most customers be upset if BierBC news programmes remained free to view and the serials, cookery & dancing programmes they never watch go into hiding behind a 'paywall'?
bulletA: Nope.

horned wildlifeBe Advised The Wildwood Truss is rewilding a bit of Kent with homosexual Europeon bison, which were almost eaten to Xtinction on the mainland during World War II.
   If the project succeeds, the area that the bison have turned into a muddy swamp is likely to be flooded with gangs of Injuns from the Untied States & Canada claiming their self-awarded right to make a home where the buffalo roam.
reader comment“Natch, the whole thing is carrying the tainted virtue flag of carbon capture and the pretence that anything done here will affect the world's climate to a measurable Xtent.” Gorrie Zontal

Week 12
Across the pond in MacRonland
   Final outing here for FWW1. The leak from the sports entertainment scripting department to BFN has been too careless and plugged. This will be our last race spoiler as we can't be bothered to bore another hole for another leak as our feedback is more or less uniformly 'who cares who wins' as far as this stuff is concerned..
   This was a flashback to what used to go on in the great days when motor racing was a sport and the drivers were gladiators. Lots of overtaking, lots of close racing & thrills, everyone finished and roughly in proportion to the quality of the car and the skill of the driver.
   Surprise! Not even one cute trick from the scriptrotters!

Far Queue symbol Criminal gangs are raiding isolated farms shops with increasing gusto, knowing the local police won't get in their way.

WTFH A ballet school in Yorkshire has stopped auditions for potential customers as they are elitist and discriminate against people with no talent.

WTFHPublic libraries are being infiltrated by right-wing, neo-Narzi drag queens intent on confusing children. Or something.

WTFHBremoaner & left-wing wonkist civil servants in Whitehall are insisting that femmes should have access to male toilets, and vice versa, in the interests of seeing how the other half lives. Or something.

Edmonton Antlers helmetFNF: the Blue Bombers in Edmonton
The Bombers had to punt but a pick gave them the ball at the EA 26, TD from the next play, 7-0. The Antlers made a long FG and the BB kicked a 20-yarder in the 13th minute, 10-3.
   Another long FG for the Ants in Q2, 10-6. Defences took over almost to the end of the half. With the BB at their 29, there was a general shambles and Schoen took a pass 81 yards for a TD! Sehr schön! 17-6.
   The Ants got a FG from their Q3 opener, and a rouge from a missed 48 yard FG try in the 14th minute, 17-10. They did nothing with a pick in the first minute of Q4. The BB reached & goal inside the last 3 minutes and were awarded a TD after a review. Top team in the division 24 at full time, bottom team 10.
   Bring back the Eskimos.
p.s. the RoughRiders vs Argonauts match has been put back from Saturday to Sunday midnight here to give the plague-ridden Riders a chance to cobble together a sufficient number of players.

Ceylon now has a new president to replace the one who decamped to join his stolen zillions abroad as an alternative to being lynched. But no one has much in the way of expectations about a bloke based in a capital city named after a scruffy American police detective.

Far Queue symbol Putrid the Poisoner's minions are emptying gaols & scouring The Planet in search of scum-of-the-Earth mercenaries to replace the vast number of soldiers written off during his assault on Ukraine.

bulletQ: You're a Police & Crime Commish with a thing about speeding—what do you do?
bulletA: Get caught speeding yourself five times in three months and lose your licence as an awful warning to others.

markerTeam Putrid is trying desperately to deny that their man is in a state of ill healthy and his marbles are slipping away on a daily basis.
reader comment“A. Hitler, his role model, is reputed to have had a dozen doubles to stand in for him. Must be at least twice that for old Putrid.” Proc Toesphere

baseball hat++ Hippocritical Sirb E. Smarmer accused of being in on cover-up of sex pestism after accusing Pres. Boris of same ++ 'Toxic culture & practices' within Labour party ++ Try to change subject is Smarmer reaction ++

Amazing Fact The UK was hotter than 100% of the surface of the planet Neptune during the Scorchio daze.
marker Firms selling chocolate by post had to suspend deliveries during the Scorchio daze following complaints from customers about orders arriving as a puddle sloshing about in the packaging.

What we have known for decades is true, namely that 1960s PM Harold bloody Wilson's claim that there was an Establishment coup being plotted against him was total BS and made up by him. This has been confirmed by the latest batch of releases of government files.

reader comment“Why would anyone get excited about a bank interest rate of 2% when inflation is 11%?” Pete Radiator

markerPresident of the Untied States J. Biden has the Chinese plague and will be Shirking from the White House until further notice.

marker++ Disney goes bonquers ++ Cancels fairy godmothers ++ Next step is going broke as customer base shreds ++

look both The bozos running the civil service reckon that knowing the pronouns people prefer for themself will help others to address the person correctly.
   Which totally ignores the fact that people are addressed using names and/or titles, not pronouns.
   But hey, it's the civil service.
   Apparently, this is part of a campaign to outfit the civil service with future leaders who are completely gullible as well as complete idiots.

bulletQ: What was it that sank the Good Ship Mordor in the Tory leadership contest?
bulletA: She went for advice to that major loser Gordon F. Broon.

Good News for The Planet . . .
The Green fuel scam will make air travel completely unaffordable to everyone but the super-rich and those with a fist in the taxpayer's pocket. That should reduce the amount of carbon dioxide going into the atmosphere by . . . what? 0.00001%? Probably something like that.

Far Queue symbol Iran is now in an arse-kicking contest with Putinstan to re-establish itself as the most sanctioned nation on The Planet.

baseball hat Labour deputy A. Robot believes that Labour MPs should not have a second job (or several of them) but she is able to suspend that belief quite successfully in her own case. Hippocrisy of Smarmer proportions.

marker The Guinness Book of Records is standing by to record President Creaky Joe as achieving the lowest ever approval rating for a leader of the Untied States.

masked BorisrageThe People insist on being heard!
Thousands of Conservative party members are demanding a Boris Box on the ballot paper for the party leadership election so that they can vote for the bloke they want, not the figureheads offered by the MPs.
   The demand is being backed up by the threat of a dash to the High Court for an injunction and chaos in the election process if the demand is ignored!

markerNeatFlix is losing subscribers by the godzillion as people realize that they can't afford the electricity to run their viewing device of choice!

markerEvents, dear boy?
President Boris might have signed off with a ‘hasta la vista' threat but once he gets back to earning some real money to support Scary Carrie and the tribe, will he be able or willing or even allowed to return to poverty in power?

marker • Latest Poll Result: 49% of UK adults are idiots.
 • How typical that the looney left in the House of Frauds want to link how much is paid for a licence to consume BierBC shows to the value of the property where the customer lives.

markerIf you don’t make them welcome . . .
   . . . the stakeholders will split!

You can't please the Scots, nohow! They want to be independent and severed from the UK, but they're moaning because the British Army is selling off land in Wee Burneystan that's surplus to requirements and contracting out of what could become a foreign country.

markerVulture News Network
It's all very well claiming that the support the Tory MPs gave to the lacklustre Penny Mordor shows they've lost their marbles. But what about Labour, which actually elected O.J. Corbynstein their leader? With the full support of Sirb Eery Smarmer, one might add.
   Marbles collectively surgically removed?
bulletSirk Reepy Smarmer is a great pointless human bollard? Well, we'll grant Pres. Boris the ‘pointless' but not the rest. Definitely not ‘great' and a bollard is so much more useful than Sirk Reepy could ever be.
reader comment“Trussty Liz often comes across as wooden, we're told. But being wooden doesn't seem to Xcluded Sirb Eery from the Labour leadership. Slushtag ^TheTrend.” Bjorn Boutique

bulletLooking for an Xcuse to P*A*N*I*C? The World Health Organization has just declared a Monkeypox global health egermency.

bullet Hottest summer for 125,000 years, the Xperts claim to howls of derision.
reader comment“How could Stone Age cavemen have created enuff carbon dioxide to cause a climate heatwave egermency back them? Sounds like the Xperts have spent to much time in the Sun having their brains fried.” Snap Haunce
reader comment“Strange the Scorchiologists didn't revert to quoting temperatures in Fahrenheit. 104 deg.F sounds much more scarifying that 40 deg.C.” Imaginary Sanders

bullet Today's Word: Iconoplegia – the act of knocking lumps off a self-appointed guru
[ikon – a figure of note, plege – a blow]

CFL logoSundayNF: The Argos in Plaguetown Regina
No. 9 Dolegala, 6' 7" made his debut for the RoughRiders. Lots of defence and 11 minutes went by before the Argonauts kicked a FG. Sankey took a pick to the TA 25 and FG by the RR ended Q1 at 3-all. In Q2, the Argos were stopped dead at the SK 1 and Harris fumbled the ball away. Just another punt, though.
   A 70 yard TD play and a rouge from the kick off put the Argos 11-3 up. The Riders scored a TD but no +2, 11-9. The Argos tried a 61-yard FG instead of punting. The kick went wide right and Alford returned it 113 yards for a TD!! Still no +2, 11-15 at the half.
   In Q3, the Argos got close with a FG; one in reply from the Riders, 14-18 after 9 minutes. Sack on BT, a bad snap on the next play went to the Riders; for a TD? Nope, they ended up kicking a FG, 14-21.
   10 minutes of defence in Q4 then the Argos got level with a TD. They were sacked to a FG and 24-21 with 43 seconds to go. A botched kick off return gave the ball to the Argos and a TD put the tin lid on things. 31-21 final.
   A match well worth waiting for.

bulletQ: Are we surprised that Scottish Cricket is besieged by the rachelism confecters?
bulletA: We're still trying to get our heads round being told that they play cricket in Scotland!

look bothWhat are facts for but to be ignored?
Climate change is an Xtremely slow process, which means that it's not to blame for natural disasters like floods & wildfires. The blame for these lies on the heads of politicians who are paid to manage things for us, and who know that there are changes going on, but just sit on their hands when not feathering their nests, and do bugger all that‘s useful.
$1 stampreader comment“If people are daft enough to settle and live on a Pacific island that's only about 2" above sea level at high tide, that's their choice and their problem if sea levels rise.” Dar Keggs
reader comment“And if they have water shortages when surrounded by the stuff on all sides, they are obviously not trying.” Avinga G. Raffe
reader comment“We are looking to the UK for leadership. Translation: Give us loads of bloody dosh.” Beau Venacher

markerEsso petrol in Romiley 184.9p/litre
Esso diesel in Romiley 194.9p/litre

Z markerDon't try to go anywhere by train today as the chances are that the one you need will be cancelled due to one strike or another by grabbing bastards & skivers with Spanish practices.
reader commentCut profits not wages? So if there are no profits, after the subsidies from the taxpayer have been repaid, cut wages? Sounds fair.” Melgib Sahn

cross symbol If your water pressure is low in the centre of Romiley, it's because Compstall Road is leaking millions of gallons of beautifully clean water. Again. And United Utilities hasn't got round to doing anything about it.

bag lady blokebulletQ: How can you tell when some actor person bloke is desperate to be noticed?
bulletA: When he turns up @ a film premiere dressed as a bag lady who's not doing all that well, that makes it pretty clear.

bulletQ: How serious is Putrid the Poisoner about tackling the world grain egermency?
bulletA: He's bombarding the port city of Odessa with missles to prevent Xports of grain. That serious.

eyesPeople Up North in Romiley, who are getting rained on again, read with a sense of disbelief, the demand by the London Fire Brigade that the locals there should cancel all plans for a barbeque.

The Border Farce is useless, sez the Chief Inspector of Borders. The BF lets known criminals into the country, also illegals carrying guns & other weapons, and just lets them vanish into the general population.
   Brexit & the Labour party are to blame.

markerAll Change
The traditional dining table is about to become history. Foodie Xperts claim that people appreciate food more when it is chewed with the mouth open. A process which gives them the aural satisfaction of hearing something crunchy being chomped.
   Thus a table will become a ring with the munchers sitting in the centre, all facing outwards so that no one has to witness the disgusting chewing process.

first class stampbulletQ: POTUS?
bulletA: Plonker of the Untied States, e.g. Creaky Joe, who claimed wrongly that skin cancers he got from spending too much time out in the sun were caused by oil refinery emissions.
   A big boot up the backside from the oil industry was needed to get the record set straight.
reader comment“Too much sun in the 20th century before gorbal warmage was invented softened his brain? Imagine what 21st century sun is doing!” Albi Baq

markerHistory Jazzed Up
Sacked Chancellor R. Snack claims he beat off the Chinese plague single-handedly. He's also claiming he saved London from the might of Hitler's Luftwaffe, he put out the not so Great Fire of London, he organized the gales that sank the Spanish Armada and he saw off William the French Corn-Curer in the battle @ Battle, near Hastings.
   And still he trails Trussty Lizzie by 25 points in the leadership election polls.

WTFHThe BierBC is accusing Trusty Lizzie of pretending to be Margaret Thatcher by carrying a handbag, something which Mrs. T. did Xtremely often even before her reign as prime minister.
Far Queue symbol BierBC presenter Pr*ck R. O'binson has been accused of spending a brain-softening amount of time out in the sunshine during last week's heat craze. This conclusion was reached following an 'interview' with Trussty Lizzie that was eccentric even by O'binson's own dodgy standards.

bulletQ: Can an ermine-clad plutocratic Labour peer be described as working class?
bulletA: If he identifies as working class, as is his 'uman bluddy right, not a problem.

markerThis year's Compassion Prize goes to the Peabody Housing Association, which failed to notice that one of its flats in Peckham, London, contained the dead body of one of its customers for two and a half years.
   The Metropolitan Police share the award for wrongly claiming that the dead woman was alive and well.

tongue manThe police farces in England & Wales have been ordered to stop pratting about by getting involved in trivial spats on Twatter and do something about the monumental and escalating epidemic of actual crime.
   Little of any great value is expected in the wake of this commandment, given the pathetic state of policing currently.
bullet70% of the Police in the Metrolopis did not made one single arrest of a bad guy in the 12 months between April 2021 and March this year.

reader comment“London is already a laughing stock with Sadgeek K'Han't as its cosmetic mayor. Imagine the derision level if O.J. Corbynstein got the gig!” Vindie Sul
reader comment“Labour seems to be pretty terrified of him running for the job, judging from the amount of Corbynstein knocking going on.” P. Sovmined

Shriek!Bonquers The looney lefties running Edinburgh city council have been accused of disempowering working women by banning strip clubs and putting 100 femmes out of work.

bulletQ: What's the latest crime against humanity on the wonkist charge sheet?
bulletA: Slut Shaming, i.e. daring to notice the disgraceful & demeaning behaviour of some minor female celebette.

Climate lipstick
markerreader comment“Whether or not the UK achieves/confects zero emissions by 2050 is irrelevant. Compared to what the rest of the world is pumping into the environment, especially China and India, our emissions are insignificant.
   “p.s. India's population is now bigger than China's, so they should be getting booted at least as much.” Luther Roux

markerThe administrators of rugby union in England have finally realized that letting transisters onto female teams is a bad idea on fairness & safety grounds. The wheels grind slow or even not at all.

Far Queue symbol The UN's refugee do-gooders are in trouble for showing appalling rachelism by pretending that Rwanda is a hell hole and the UK plan to send bogus asylum seekers there is a crime against ‘umanity.

R. Snack If made prime monster, sacked Chancellor Rikishi Snack will put the entire nation on a permanent egermency panic footing and force us to live in constant fear & trembling of the next crisis on Ghod's list of vengeances.
bullet Mr. Snack may be banned from the Palace of Westmonster for making a promotional video in a meeting room which is available to MPs only for purposes connected with their parliamentary duties.
[That would put a bit of a crimp in Questions to the Prime Monster. Ed.]
furthermore . . .Supporters of failed presidential hopeful P. Mordor are suspected of throwing a major revenge wobbly in Trussty Lizzie's direction.

bone helmetInventive, if nothing else
Scottisch scammers have found a brilliant way to get away with fraud, especially with scams that empty the victim's bank account.
   All they have to do is send their loot to a bank in England and Police Wee Burneystan will claim the case has moved outwith their jurisdiction and go back to the canteen for another cup of tea and a chokky bikky.

Far Queue symbol Who's to blame for the traffic build-up @ the Channel ports? The bloody French?
Quel surprise.
Far Queue symbol Gurlguiding is now a trans-Xclusively organization.
Quel aussi surprise.

    WEEK 5    Putin the ‘I.D.’ into invalid

 
Vulture News Network1Vulture News Network2
ShockHorror from the Tory leadership campaign—no hoper K. Badenough's family, despite having its own publishing company in Nigeria, was so poor that she had to be born in a private maternity unit in Londonstan. Or something.
markerChancellor (sacked) Snack is getting a big booting for digging a chasm in the nation's finances by handing godzillions of pounds of taxpayers' dosh to Chinese plague fraudsters and making no attempt to recover the cash.
bulletHis attempts to portray himself as not posh, channelling Dave the Leader, are resulting in a derision shower.
bulletQ: Who is right about tax cuts?
bulletA: Pick your Xpert(s) and you can have any answer you desire.
Z markerIn case anyone was wondering, the forces of Putrid the Poisoner are still targetting civilians for missile strikes but the Xperts have rolled the bones and come up with the conclusion that as long as Ukraine gets proper backing from the Western nations, Putrid is doomed to humiliation.

markerSelf-preservation winning
The Carbon Cultists are gnashing what's left of their teeth again. Cunning customers are now checking the waiting times of hospitals in their area instead of just opting for the nearest and they are prepared to do a bit of driving if they can get their job done quicker a bit further away. And sod the extra carbon dioxide emissions—which are meaninglessly cosmetic in global terms anyway.

markerOnly the lawyers will win
Twatter is going to the dogs. Marsman Musk doesn't want it because of the doubts about the number of fake accounts and unreliable advertising revenue figures, the gang running it want to unload it @ way more than it's worth so they can fill their pockets & run, and the people working for the company are wondering if their jobs will go up in smoke if the company contracts.

obesityGood News on the o'besity front. According to the Office for Notional Sadistics, 50% of the nation's shoppers are buying less food. [Unless, of course. the sneaky blighters are wasting less and actual food consumption remains much the same. Ed.]

markerThe Enviromint Agency is claiming that the 3 hot days we had this month will put the UK into a lethal drought situation for the rest of the year. Or some such nonsense.

bulletQ: DBA/DBS?
bulletA: Don't Bloody Ask/Don't Bloody Start

marker++ Bier Broadchasing Company tries to make Tory leadership contest all about trivialities ++ Especially about stuff no taxpaying customer in right mind gives one tiny crap about ++ Serious Ain't Us! ++
reader comment“Trussty Lizzie wears shoes. Mrs. Thatcher used to wear shoes. Copycat!” Soda Raw O'rth
reader comment“Mr. Snack also wears shoes; overpriced ones. Is he trying to be Mrs. T. also?” Nicker O'binson

markerIf only
The cancel anti-culture is claiming that it is creating harmony & unity by strangling dissent and preventing people from disagreeing with the wonk normal. No argy, no bargy, just sweetness, light & perfect peace.

eyesThe French firm providing contract services for the totally useless UK Passport Office has announced that its service levels have ‘significantly improved'.
[That's from totally non-existent to pretty bloody crap? Ed.]

skull 2Protect the Public rather than the NHS
The NHS is currently short of a guesstimated 283,000 staff and under the terms of the Trades Descriptions Act, it is being required to rebrand as the Notional Health Service until is has shed most of its backlogs.

The PopemarkerHis Popeness the Pope is in trouble for cultural appropriation. His crime against 'umanity was wearing an earlier American feathered headdress on a trip to Alberta, home of the Canadian football teams the Edmonton Antlers & the Calgary Stampeders.
reader comment“There is something unspeakably cute about wearing a headdress to do a 'he address' involving a grovelling apology for stuff that's nothing to do with him and not to the people who actually suffered the abuse being apologized for.” Blash Coll

bulletQ: He's very R2?
bulletA: The person concerned is an incoherent wonk.

CFL logoTNF: AlCapone vs TigerLily
The visitors from Montreal went 2 & out. The home team in Hamilton were backed up to their 7, they made room for a punt then fumbled the ball away? Endless review, no. More for the punters to do. A return by Worthy went 40 yards to the TC 25, a successful challenge by the Cats held the Als to a FG, 3-0 in the final minute of Q1.
   A big run by Shiltz plus a penalty got the TC to & goal in Q2. A QB sneak on 3rd & 1 & goal put them ahead with a TD. The Als replied with a FG, 6-7. The Cats kicked a FG in the final minute of the half, a long try by the Als missed, 6-10.
   In Q3, it was punt then a TD for the TC, 6-17. A challenge for DPI in the MTL end zone got the Cats to the 1, TD after 10 minutes, 6-24. The Als managed another FG in Q4, 9-24. Retrieving a fumble put them on the road to a TD after 9 minutes, +2 despite the runner having his shoe trodden off by a team mate! 17-24.
   The Als ended up with 48 seconds to score a TD to force overtime. Sack, 2nd & 23 made!! Harris went off dinged. His backup took a shot at goal, only to be intercepted by the Cats. The End.

markerCarbon Toeprint?
The Queen's Baton has been all round the world ahead of the just started Commonwealth Games in Birmingham . So the Carbon Crazies can be sat upon when it suits the suits?

rageToo close to home!
President Boris has the Teashop of Eire hopping mad. The plan to Xport uninvited migrants from the UK to Rwanda is sending a flood of illegals heading for what they hope is a softer touch on the island of Ireland.
   Suddenly, all the professed sympathy for the plight of the bogus asylum seeker has evaporated and the milk of ‘uman kindness has dried up if the Irish have to foot the bill.

markerPoint of Information:
The UK was never in the EFU's open borders Schengen area and the chaos @ the Channel ports is nothing to do with Brexit.
   It's all down to the perennial problem of the French refusing to make their passport checking operation fit for purpose.

Surprise!Some female person with the same surname, who was put in a looney bin 150 years ago, is not in any way related to sometime presidential hopeful P. Mordor. Only a really desperate confecter would ever try to pretend that she might have been.

legal wigThe president of the Family Division in England & Wales is complaining that the divorce courts are over-clogged with people who treat them as a first rather than a last resort.
   A growing disconnect with reality as a result of the inadequacies of the education system delivered by the looney-left Blob is being blamed. Plus the endemic greed of the legal trade. And, natch, Brexit.

A Putinstani chess robot has an interesting counter move when playing against a pushy kid. If the kid tries to move one of its chess pieces too quickly after the robot has made a move, and its arm is still over the board, the robot will grab one of the kid's fingers and break it to remind the ‘orrible kid to mind its manners.
   The kid will then be disqualified for breaching the robot's safety protocols.

markerFraudsters is as fraudsters does
How curious that the Gorbal Warmage Fraudsters are claiming we're having the hottest year since 123,000 BC but they haven't said word one about this year's Arctic summer sea ice, which is at its greatest extent for a decade and a half; certainly more than enough to keep polar bears, seals and walruses happy; and the record amounts of snow being recorded in South America.

flying crownUK flagWhere there’s a will . . .
HM The Queen is rumoured to have offered Prince Hairy a chance to visit his granny @ Balmoral during the summer. But only if there is some reason why Mhegan the Merciless has to stay 6,000 miles away, looking after the brood instead of being deliberately rude to the Royal household.
   The world waits to find out if Hairy will be able to find a window in his world tour of whinges to public bodies such as the Untied Nations.

bookbaseball hatStacking the deck
The publisher Penguin Random House is ensuring that it will create a record for the Most Bought But Unread Book of All Time by publishing one by Prince Hairy around the time it releases another by Mrs. O'Bummer.

bulletQ: What is the point of eyebrows?
bulletA: To stop dandruff from your forehead falling into your eyes.

markerEsso petrol in Romiley 181.9p/litre
Esso diesel in Romiley 192.9p/litre

CFL logoFNF: BC Lions in Susquatchewan
The RoughRiders got a sack on the first play and reduced the BC to 3rd & 2 and punt for a rouge. The Riders went ahead with a FG in the 9th minute, 1-3. Hughes got a sack & forced a fumble, SK ball, TD from it, 1-10. BC started Q2 @ & goal and got a FG, 4-10. Charge! from the BC 1, TD after 5 minutes, 4-17.
   BC missed a FG try, the bonehead return got to the SK 2 and the Lions ended up with a safety and 6-17. A BC punt went for a single. The next drive produced a long bomb pass to the SK 32, TD from the 1 as the half ran out, 14-17.
   Rourke put BC ahead in the 9th minute of Q3 with a TD pass to Rhymes, 21-17. The Lions went further ahead with a FG 2 minutes in to Q4, 24-17. Then a TD in the 9th minute, 31-17 and game over? Fajardo was picked going for 3rd & 11, BC missed a FG try for a rouge and the final score was 32-17.
   This is the first time the Lions have beaten the RoughRiders for simply ages.

iceberg More deck-stacking
The official record of surface temperature in the Untied States is totally unreliable and fraudulent as 96% of the temperature stations used to measure ‘climate change' are placed in areas subject to localized effects of urbanization. Translation: they are parked near asphalt, machinery, and other heat-producing, heat-trapping, or heat-accentuating objects.
   The placement of these spurious measurement stations does not comply with the published standards of the US National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, but if the NOAA has to confect a global climate egermency, we're in ‘by any means available' territory.

locomotiveSirk Reepy Smarmer will fulfil his binding, irrevocable pledge to renationalize the railways. Or not. According to which way the wind is blowing at the time.
Reality Check:
The nation wouldn't be able to afford it by the Labour party's own calculations, given all the egermencies we're in on a permanent basis, so whatever Smarmer says is irrelevant to the real world situation.

bulletAddiction Egermency
Wee Burneystan is maintaining its first place in the league of dead junkies in Europe.

markerSacked Chancellor R. Snack is being condemned as too shouty to be an asset in the Commons chamber based on his performance in a BierBC game-show format ‘debate' with Trussty Lizzie.

bulletQ: Does it matter if sacked Chancellor R. Snack blows a grand on a suit and a pair of boots?
bulletA: He's rich and he can afford it, and he's entitled to spend his dosh however he likes and sod the control freaks. And if he's shoving a grand into the Britisch economy and promoting employment, that can be only A Good Thing.

ragebullet It's the turn of Cricket Scotland to wear the institutionally rachelist label.
   Who's next?

bulletThe success of England's team in the UEFA Women's Euro 2022 competition has really upset Football Scotland, which didn't qualify.


rain manBelow the line mission statement: Some of the above is true. BFN is recognized as a premiere class observational blog and a multiple winner of the OB of the Year award.
   We are constantly exposed to dodgy conclusions drawn from dodgy data by the 'experts', especially those found in the world of politics and especially those at the Treasury and in opposition. Some of us civilians at BFN like to join in to let them know that anyone can do it and we ain't impressed by their efforts.

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Created for Romiley Anarchists' League by workers in revolt against oppression to set the record straight in the 3rd millennium.
© RAL, July MM22 like anyone cares.