Let's have a referendum on it!
The flag of the EU is officially described as 12 gold mullets set in a circle as a symbol of completeness and perfection. Which raises the question of whether one should be removed to mark the departure of the UK and the loss of a huge amount of that perfection.
We joined the EU on January 1st 1973 with Denmark and Ireland, at which point the original six members became nine. So it would be logical to remove the mullet at 7 o'clock, 8 o'clock or 9 o'clock when we bale out.
"Which shall it be, Passworthy? Which shall it be?"
Like Greece without the sunshine
Bad news for Wee Burney Queen of Scots; Scotland's trade deficit of 9.5% of GDP means that the country is ineligible for membership of the EU, which has enough passengers already, and won't be able to support another after the UK leaves. So she's going to have to put up with living on subs from English taxpayers for a while longer.
Has Corbyn got Silly Season Fever?
The current leader of the Labour party, a man who claims to be an honest, straight-talker, had himself filmed sitting on the floor of a Virgin train, claiming it was full up. So Virgin released CCTV showing him walking past empty, unreserved seat as he looked for somewhere to pull his stunt. 15 minutes later, he was filmed by the CCTV system sitting in one of those seats.
How can someone of his advanced years not know that if you're going to tell a lie, it's always a good idea to tell one that people will believe? And why didn't the leader of one of the country's main political parties get one of his minions to book adjacent seats for himself and his wife? Or do all the minions hate him so much that they just draw their pay but do nothing for him?
And another thing . . .
Where was Corbyn's wife whilst all the shenanigans were going on? Why didn't he find her a bit of train floor to sit on if, as he claims, he was looking for somewhere they could sit together?
The man is clearly a self-obsessed scumbag and a bounder of the worst sort.
What a funny old world we live in
The official excuse has been unveiled! Richard Branson has done so well for himself that he now lives in tax exile with his billions. Which gives all envious socialists the right to hate him for not being a heroic failure, like themselves. It also gives their leader, the blessed Jezzer, a licence to be a dickhead on Branson's trains.
One way to do it!
Labour leadership hopeful Owen Smith has suggested negotiating with the ISIS terrorists. No doubt he's planning to offer to let them destroy only one-half of Western civilization in return for some peace and quiet.
It's a point of view
"Experts" believe two factors were key in the UK's Olympic success; lottery funding to make the athletes into professionals (£350 million pledged for 2013-17) and team spirit.
Which kind of ignores the lack of drug-taking Russians, who normally hoover up lots and lots of medals. Not to mention concentrating on sports likely to do well and cutting funding to ones which were underperforming.
Was it worth it?
The most interesting set of Olympics-related poll results came from this question:
Are you inspired by our successes at the Olympics to get active?
Get out of that!
In yer dreams!
The Junckers of the Europeon Parliament are claiming that Europe won the Olympic games in Rio because the 28 EU nations won the most medals. Strange that there was no flag there for Team EU.
The much reviled head of London's Metropolitan Police Farce, Hulk Hogan Hyphen Howe, is blowing £1.7 million of taxpayers' cash on a gang of coppers, who will trawl anti-social meeja for evidence of thought crimes. Having given up on real crime, by and large, the police seem to be taking the easy of option of going after notional criminals.
This policy has the obvious advantage that if the police are the ones who decide if a comment on InYerFaceBuk is offensive for some imaginary reason, then they will be able to ensure a conviction rate of 100%. But do we really want to pay for gangs of coppers spending their day messing about on the internet, eating pizza and swigging tea instead of attempting to get to grips with real crimes?
The spivs cash in
Brexiters are seeking therapy and industrial damages for bullying by disgruntled Bremainers, and ambulance-chasers in the psychology and legal trades are rushing to cash in on a new source of revenue.
What about the accomplices?
The terrorists' friend, A. Choudary, has been sent to gaol and the "experts" are asking why Moslems didn't stand up to him. The answer is obvious: they were either too scared of being beaten up, or even killed, to say anything, or they just weren't bovvered. Maybe the "experts" should move on to finding out whether it was fear or indifference that let Chowdary flourish. And why the multiculturalists, the diversifyers and the Establishment, Labour, Liberal and Tory, cut him so much slack and shoved so much taxpayers' cash into his pockets.
Two police officers are under investigation following the death from a heart attack of former football star D. Atkinson after being tasered. No prosecutions are expected.
Sorry, we moved the goalposts
The Court of Appeal has created a 2-tone Labour party consisting of older members, who can vote in leadership elections, and newcomers, who can't. The court upheld the right of Labour's governing NEC to twiddle with the rules any way it sees fit, even if it involves swindling recent members, who paid their money on the understanding that they would have a say in the party's leadership.
Is there enough sand for all those heads?
An anti-corruption investigation has found that political correctness by the police, local authorities and local politicians has allowed electoral fraud to flourish in Moslem areas. Intimidation, postal voting fraud and personation (pretending to be another voter) are particularly prevalent in areas of immigration from east and west Pakistan, where a culture of doing what the tribal elders order prevails.
Incompetent policing is responsible for a failure to charge election fraudsters, even in areas like Tower Hamlets, London, where the sitting mayor had to be removed from office for blatant corruption and electoral fraud.
Gimme, gimme gimme
Funny how it's always Labour MPs who come up with the most self-serving ways to screw cash out of the taxpayer. Ancient (81) Corbynite P. Flynn would like the current system of expenses claims and scrutiny to be abolished in favour of a big pay rise for MPs based on the current average expenses claim.
Flynn, needless to say, is one of the many MPs who have been caught in the act of swindling the taxpayer.
Big Girls' Blouse on the quiet?
Does Thunderbirds puppet A. Burnham, who presided over deaths through neglect at Stafford hospital when a New Labour minister, wear mascara? Is this the sort of image we want for the cosmetic and highly overpaid and overblown job of Mayor of Manchester?
We're getting the Indian scammers (number withheld) phoning again with a tale of our broadband connections downloading malicious stuff every time we go to Gooble. But they're doing it differently this time; they're pretending to be calling from BT instead of Windows Operating System.
Splash the cash
Labour's leadership Klingon, J. Corbyn, has come up with a 10-point plan for blowing £500 BILLION, which the taxpayer doesn't have. And as an added bonus, it actually contains 11 promises. How about that for value for money!
Clobber the motorist? It's local council routine
Shopkeepers in Sheffield are up in arms over the Labour council's plan to put up parking meter charges by 40% because lower fuel prices mean that motorists are getting away with it, in the view of the chumps running the council. That their plan will drive away customers from shops in the city doesn't seem to matter.
Zimbabwe is broke. President for Life Mugabe and his cronies have stolen the national wealth and the civil service isn't being paid. But if the regime can persuade some bunch of banksters to lend it $1.1 BILLION to pay off what it owes to the World Bank, then the IMF will step in with a bail-out. Where's the sense in that? No surprise that Lord Mandelsleaze is involved, and that he's been jetting to Harare for executive hospitality.
Selfish? Not really, just practical
The baby-boomers born after the War (between 1947 and 1964) have been accused of threatening their kids with poverty in old age because they're spending their cash instead of saving it for the next generation to enjoy after they're gone. But the way the government has been increasing death duties means that the kids would never get the cash anyway. So the parents might as well get the benefit of it while they can.
The question: "Why don't we use cash from our overseas aid budget to fill the hole in the Brazilian Paralympics' budget?" invites the obvious reply that it would be an abuse of British taxpayers' generosity. But hang on; isn't that what a lot of the overseas aid spending amounts to anyway if the cash is going into the pockets of crooks and corrupt politicians?
A Load of Ed Balls
How long will it be before the Balls Monster's memoirs end up in the £1 remainder bin? He used to claim that he was Gordon Brown's financial guru, who pulled the strings behind all of Broon's big decisions. But now, everything is Wee Gordie's fault, including selling off 50% of the nation's gold reserves at a Brown Bottom in the market. Maybe the Balls book belongs in the £1 fiction bin.
Superscams not superfoods
Nobody can be surprised to learn that a study of fashionable superfoods, which are claimed to offer miraculous health benefits, has found that they are just grass and grains and vegetables and berries. Super for extracting cash from the pockets of the gullible maybe, not the key to life eternal.
Buy online and die!
Buying groceries online is ruining the nation's health, says Dame S. Davies, the government's official nanny-in-chief for the nation. Just 25% of women and 33% of men get enough exercise through humping bags of shopping home to prevent their muscles from wasting away. Thus many people are limping toward an early grave.
[Which should do wonders for the pensions crisis and also help to disarm the obesity crisis. Ed.]
They'll none of them be missed
It seems the latest Sharknado film [Number 4, starring The Hoff and featured on Syfy on the first Tuesday of the month. Ed.], is aimed at Las Vegas. Perhaps because no one gives a rat's apparatus for what happens to Vegas. Which raises the possibility of similar "who cares" targets for future episodes. Like President hijo de Putin's dacha during a PR conference with Tony B. Liar, President Assad, President Erdogan, Juncker the Cluncker of the EU and Dave the ex-Leader.
Why has the Russian propaganda agency Sputnik chosen to set up a UK HQ in Edinburgh? Because research has shown that Scotland contains more of what V.I. Lenin called "useful idiots" per square mile than England. Thus pro-Russian silly stories are less likely to be laughed at north of the border, and there's nothing the Putin-fodder hate more than mockery. And further, the Russians see great potential in combining Scottish whinge power with their own.
Trump blamed . . .
When something goes wrong, blame Trump. It's so easy, isn't it? And so lazy. An Imam is murdered in New York and that's Trump's fault for noticing that a lot of Moslems are killing people. Even though news reports suggest the local police think the killer had a personal issue with the Imam, which was nothing to do with religion.
What next? Serial criminals rob a bank and it's Trump's fault for some manufactured reason? Someone is busted for drunk driving and that's Trump to blame again? I suppose it's a logical extension of the victim culture fostered by the political Left; who, no doubt, blame Trump for what they themselves have done. How nice it must be to have a universal scapegoat in America, who spares the intellectually limp the obligation of thinking.
It's interesting to compare the news coverage of the earthquake in Italy during the week with that of a stronger earthquake in Burma on the same day. Lots and lots of coverage of a Richter 6.2 quake in nearby Italy, which claimed around 300 lives. The one in Burma was R6.8, and only three people died in a country with a repressive regime a long way away. There was just a paragraph about the quake in Burma in my newspaper the next day tagged on to the page about the Italian earthquake and nothing at all in the BBC's lunchtime news, which was still full of Olympics stuff.
Communism in Russia & its occupied territories: 1917-1989
The Europeon Economic Community/Union: 1956-20??
The big question is: With no army to back up its edicts (well, not yet), can the EU outlast Soviet communism's run?
Treading in the master's footsteps
David Cameron announced that he wanted to be the Heir to Blair when he became the boss. His resignation "honours" list confirms that he's just as corrupt and sleazy as Tony B. Liar ever was. Even Sam Cam's nanny is getting an OBE.
Endemic establishment ineptitude
How to you get an inquiry into historical child abuse to sting the British taxpayer for £5 million and look likely to drag on for 10 years? A good way to start would be to appoint a presiding judge who doesn't know British law because she's from New Zealand.
Something appropriate needed
It has been suggested that we need to think of another term for the "honours" list issued by a retiring or evicted prime minister. Something along the lines of "Sweeties for cronies", "Gongs for services rendered", or, our particular favourite: "Back-scratchers". Further suggestions on a PC to the usual address will be welcomed.
If the Brexit campaign told lies "on an industrial scale", according to the stooge who was in charge of Dave the Leader's Project Fear, which adjective should we apply to the lies told by the Bremainers? Is "on a galactic scale" big enuf?
You're having a giraffe, mate!
The idea of the BBC putting up a statue to Eric Blair (a.k.a. George Orwell) at New Broadcasting House has the look and feel of a daft joke. But maybe they could give the statue a mechanism to allow it to shake its head in disbelief over what an opinionated gang of PC lunatics and bloatocrats the Beeb has become.
Be decisive, be the boss!
J. Corbyn has decided that he is going to be the next prime monster. Which is excellent news as it will spare the taxpayer the expense and tedium of a general election when this Parliament runs out.
We do like to be . . . here!
A poll by an online estate agent has come up with some interesting views on the 10 happiest places to live in the UK. 9 of them are in England, only one; Troon in South Ayrshire; is in Scotland, and Wales and N. Ireland don't get a look in. Leigh-on-Sea came top of the pops.
One of our correspondents visited a broadcast of TNA Impact!, the rival to the WW's brand of TV wrestling. He was amused to find that the lady wrestler Gail Kim has to beat the entire corps of TNA Knockouts to get a title shot. "Wow!" he thought. "How original!"
Then: "Hang on, no it isn't. Bill Goldberg had to do the same at WCW millions of years ago. But I suppose Gail is a lot better looking than Goldberg so it will be fun to watch her struggles."
Our correspondent was also amused by the antics of a new competitor called Moose. He told us: "Why would anyone be impressed by
Moose, the NFL reject? If there's a moose loose aboot oor hoose, we set the cat on it."
Maybe TNA should do the same.
Only one possible reply!
A correspondent writes, re the Lizzie Armitstead missed drug test:
"If some clown woke me up at 6 a.m. wanting to do a drug test, I'd have two words for him, and the second would be 'off'."
The whole Russian team has been banned from the Paralympic Games over state-sponsored drug cheating, but the IOC failed to do the same for the main Olympics. Which just goes to show that money talks and Vlad the Putin isn't bothered about the Parallels.
This future can't come soon enough
If we can have deliveries by drone, it follows that we should be entitled to returns by the same means and, logically, drone bins. Instead of vast lorries blocking the roads on dustbin and recycling day, drone bins will take to the air in ordered formations, dump their contents in appropriate areas of a council marshalling yard and fly back home again. How wonderful that will be.
Espionage, BBC style
The BBC is planning to send out vans with hacking equipment to break into domestic wi-fi networks to find out if the user is watching iPlayer programmes illegally. The Commons culture select committee is taking an interest in this abuse of 'uman rights. But will anything be done about it?
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Not telling the whole truth
An item in the Sunday Post at the end of last month about the RSPB getting four offshore wind farms cancelled because of defects in the Scottish government's approval of them ended with a routine puff paragraph saying the 4 farms "were capable" of generating enough power for 1.4 million homes.
Maybe the Post should have been required to add by law: if the wind were blowing at the right speed to achieve maximum output from the turbines, which rarely happens.
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