Want to see a picture of your house?
Order something online from a firm which uses the courier company DPD for its deliveries. DPD will send you a shower of emails about the delivery, the last of which will tell you there was no one in to sign for the delivery and their driver left a card with a 8-digit reference number. There will also be a link to their website and a picture of your house.
Of course, when you consider their claim, the wheels come off. You know that you were at home at the time of the alleged delivery attempt and no one rang the doorbell or knocked on the door. When you look behind the door, there's nothing. Definitely not the card the driver is supposed to have delivered instead of your box. And that picture on the website. Was it actually taken by their driver or was it from Google?
In fact, there is absolutely no evidence that their delivery driver was ever anywhere near your house. And when you go to the DPD website, it becomes clear that what they really want you to do is go to one of their depots yourself to collect your box and spare them the trouble of actually delivering it.
Whilst they were skiing and snowboarding in the Lake District, Romiley got enough snow to top a few walls, bins and cars, and it all vanished the next morning. Not that anyone is complaining, of course!
No lifeguards in space!
What’s the last thing you’d think could happen to you during a space walk? Drowning has got to be up there at the top of the list. Major Tim Peake had his historic first EVA by a British astronaut cut short by a suit malfunction experience by his American colleague Tom Kopra, who found himself sharing his helmet with a golf ball-size bubble of water.
Mission control told them to pack it in to avoid repeating the experience of Italian astronaut Luca Parmitano, who ended up with a litre and a half of water sloshing around in his helmet in 2013 when his cooling system leaked. He was lucky to get back to the airlock before he drowned!
What were they thinking?
There are lots of complaints about DPD similar to the one above on anti-social meeja, which makes it all the more surprising that the alleged consumer champion Which? gave this bunch of cowboys a special award in 2015. Which leaves us asking what the competition did that was worse than driving boxes around and making no attempt to deliver them? Answers on a postcard to the usual address.
Unilever's Magnum rip-off
If it's done in the name of good health, there's always a swindle on the way. Thus, Unilever plans to shrink the size of its ice creams-on-a-stick by one-third to reduce the calorie count and give shoppers "healthier choices". Surprise! The price WON'T be shrinking by as much.
Cadbury's and other manufacturers have been allowed to get away with similar scams in the past.
For your information
David Cameron, according to his own self-publicity, is a major social reformer. Not a lot of people know that. And Sherlock Holmes himself would never have deduced it.
It's bad enough being flooded out of your home, but having to put up with politicians on the make in cheap wellies amounts to a cruel and unusual punishment.
"The only account with a monkey spanker"!!?? It turned out to be a TV advert for a bank account with a monthly spending cap. The slow death of clearly enunciated English continues.
Safe haven from common sense
Free speech is banned @ 50% of British universities and 90% have restrictions on freedom of expression thanks to ludicrous rules to protect students from "mental harm", views contrary to those held by the Looney Left and having to think for themselves.
Effortless reaching out
The Bishop of London has come up with a simple way for CoE clergy to reach out to Moslems: stop shaving and grow a beard. And if they stop getting their hair cut, they will also be reaching out to Sikhs.
Do the letters BSE convey anything other than Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy i.e. Mad Cow Disease? How strange that one of the gangs campaigning for a Stay vote in the EU membership referendum should pick a name with these initials. [Or how apt, seeing they're a bunch of mad cows if they want to stay in the EU. Ed.]
We knew there had to be a catch!
Not drinking in January could be bad for you, and expert has announced. According to I. Hamilton, who lectures on substance abuse at York U., a month off the booze will just encourage people to tipple even more than normal in the rest of the year. Not so much a case of you can't win as you're not supposed to win.
A Vietnamese migrant has been fined £50 for putting his feet on a train seat under a by-law from 1889, which makes it a criminal offence to interfere with the comfort or convenience of fellow passengers. Which leaves the rest of us wondering why him and why now? And why no one has enforced the law before as there is a lot of it going on.
No great loss
The part-time boss of the Environment Agency (£100K for a 3-day shirking week) has been embarrassed into quitting. He promised after the 2014 floods that everyone would rally round for the next lot. But he was too busy being on holiday in Barbados to do it himself during last month's floods. No doubt there's a huge Goldarn Goodbye under the table, and another public sector non-job waiting for him. And plenty of further opportunities for foreign travel.
Talk about humourless primitives!
A British bloke was arrested and told he faced up to 5 years in gaol in Kyrgyzstan. His crime? Daring to suggest on anti-social meeja that the national dish (a long horsemeat sausage which looks like a horse's hosepipe) looks exactly like a horse's hosepipe.
Things turned out okay for our food critic, who was working as a supervisor in a gold mine. He was deported instead of being locked up and told not to come back for 5 years [would he want to? Ed.], the police having arranged an "irregularity" in his documents. The police, who had to rescue him from a lynch mob of disturbed Kyrgyzs, also assured him that he could have started a war between Kyrgyzstan and Britain. It's true, foreigners really are nutz.
The pantomime Dame being paid to be Britain's chief medical officer has decided that red wine is no longer good for us. It used to prevent cancer and weight gain and heart attacks. Now, red wine is officially as bad for us as any form of alcohol. Until the next "expert" comes along.
The latest official advice from the pantomime dame is that if you so much as look at a bottle of wine, whisky or beer, you'll be dead before sunset. (Or dawn, whichever comes sooner.)
Don't have to make sense; it's the rules
Anyone who catches a bass from the shore, a pier or a small boat off our coast, and dares to take it home, is now liable to a fine of up to £50,000 thanks to a new EU rule. Anyone who hoovers up thousands of bass with a commercial trawler is Okay. This is what the EU calls conservation.
Soft on bankster crime
The Financial Can't-be-bothered Authority (FCA) has decided it can't be bothered taking action against the Hongkong and Shankhai Bank for Criminals (HSBC) as the Chancellor, G. Osborne, is not bovvered about aggressive tax avoidance and money laundering by his banker pals.
Metropolitan Police (org) : a sorry bunch who never say sorry, no matter how heinous their blunders.
Putin the poisoner
The boss-for-life of the Russian kleptocracy, V.I. Putin, has been exposed as the man who ordered the murder by KGB stooges of the Russian migrant to the UK A. Litvinyenko, who was poisoned with polonium. Dave the Leader's response is expected to be limp.
Both cream and scum rise to the surface. Pity there's no cream in the police "service", especially Hulk Hogan Hyphen Howe's Metropolitan Police farce.
Just Dave posturing
The Corbynites can take heart (or not). All their sound and fury over bombing Syria was a waste of time. After a handful of cosmetic missions to make Dave look tough, the RAF spent almost the whole of last December not doing any bombing and not upsetting the Islamists in Syria.
Flaunting your gat is okay now
The year opened with an open-carry law coming into force in Texas, letting law-abiding citizens wear their guns openly for the first time since 1871. The idea is that pissant terrorists and other criminals won't be so keen to try mass slaughter if they seem doomed to be blasted to bitz right away by outraged by-standers.
The new law will also compel the police to be more polite to citizens because they will know that anyone they give cheek to will also have a gun.
None event? Not quite
On the surface, Corbyn's revenge reshuffle seems to have been just a device to get himself noticed. It hasn't exactly achieved anything, apart from upsetting a few compliant Bliarites, but it has made the Shadow Cabinet more terrorist friendly.
A weasel and his words
No one will die if the junior doctors have an all-out strike in England and Wales, their union boss is claiming. Which means that if anyone does die, then he has a whole boxful of alibis and excuses ready to shift the blame elsewhere.
Looks like it's time to end all the nonsense about medicine being a "calling" and a "profession" and admit that it's been downgraded to just another trade run by trade union bosses with a political agenda, who are quite prepared to let the customers go to hell.
Sense, but only to the Looney Left
J. Corbyn thinks we should keep the Trident submarines, to keep the trade unions happy and labour voters in jobs, but lose the nasty nuclear warheads. Which is rather like telling the Russians we have lots of guns, too. But we don't actually have any bullets and we don't believe in killing people.
Definitely got at
The Financial Conduct Authority has been told to drop a far-reaching inquiry into the pay and conduct of bankers. The industry has done a thorough lobbying job on the Chancellor, G. Osborne, and he has decided to let them enjoy business as usual in the new year.
So no crooks will go to gaol. And anyone who drives a bank into bankruptcy via criminally reckless business practices will get a HUGE pay-off and a knighthood, as per normal.
No surprise there
50% of the money allocated by the EU to aid projects is stolen, wasted or held up by incompetent bureaucracy. That's £11,500,000,000 per year down the drain.
Islamic terrorists in Syria are to suffer a pay cut of 50%. Bombing and drone strikes by the Americans have slashed the terrorists' income from illegal oil deals significantly.
Google is to pay HMRC a paltry £130 million for a decade of tax-dodging. So that's another bonus for failed boss L. Homer to stick in her personal bank account?
Where does the blame lie for the year-end floods?
1. On the European Union for banning dredging of rivers and declaring material dredged out of rivers to be toxic waste. This was done in the name of protecting wildlife habitats, which were destroyed by the flood resulting from the European Water Framework directive.
2. On the thick-headed government, civil service, quango and local council officials who enforce EU directives mindlessly, no matter how destructive they are.
3. On the idiots in charge of the Environment Agency.
Notable flood events
2015, 2014, 1954, 1947, 1875, 1852, 1824, 1975, 1683, 1403, 1309, 1141.
All due to man-made global warming?
Wettest ever? Just another lie
The December just gone wasn't the UK's wettest of all time, as the Climate Change Fraudsters are claiming. In fact, it was only the 20th wettest since records began in England and Wales in 1766, and Northern Ireland's December was wetter in 1919. Only Scotland set a new December record with 14" of rain.
And guess what? The Met Office's claim that extreme rainfall events are becoming more frequent doesn't stand up to scrutiny either. 2015 was the 84th wettest year since 1766 in England and Wales, and less than 6% wetter than the running 10-year average.
Dave does another U-turn
Dave the Leader has finally changed his mind about supporting the Swansea Bay tidal power station scam, which would have produced the most ludicrously over-subsidized energy in the world and put the environmental lobby in a permanent tail-spin. Not that Dave is too bothered about such things as long as other people are paying for his electricity.
renewable (adj.) when applied to energy, means costly, casual and unreliable.
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He's been called the Blogger of the Decade
His intellect is matched only by the size of his luck and the size of his bank balance. And yet he manages to keep his Feet On The Ground with the greatest of ease. Do yourself a favour and find out what Xavier has had to say about what's going on Right Now!
One out, as soon as possible!
Lord Mandelsleaze wants the Labour party to sack the miserable Marxist J. Corbyn before the next party conference. Corbynites have called his intervention "bitter and shrill" and "completely self-indulgent". How unutterably twee!!
If someone says that membership of the EU is worth £3,000/year to every British household, he or she is lying through his/her teeth.
On yer bike, mate!
Tony B. Liar, Jack (man of) Straw and other ex-ministers have been banned from staying at British embassies for free if they are not on official business. The measure is intended to prevent ex-ministers from leeching on the taxpayer whilst they are engaged in activities for their own financial gain.
All of the soldiers who have been the subject of "investigations" into Iraq war crimes trumped up by ambulance-chasing solicitors and the fantasists working for the army and police forces are now entitled to sue their accusers for violating their 'uman right to swift justice. Justice delayed is justice denied.
Put the blame where it belongs
The reason why the pollsters got their predictions for the last general election so wrong has been exposed. It was all down to "Lazy Labour" voters, who assured the pollsters that they would vote but couldn't be bothered to on polling day.
Is it possible to feel sorry for S. Danczuk, MP? Pictures of his ex-brother-in-law slagging him off and slandering him did it. Guys like that give guttersnipes a bad name.
Over-closer union for the EU = the death of accountability.
Wonders of the world for the wrong reason
Dubai seems to be obsessed with throwing up taller and taller buildings. But what sort of cowboys are doing the construction work? The New Year's Eve pix of a 63-storey hotel and apartment block ablaze from top to bottom make you wonder exactly what they're building them out of other than recycled firewood.
There's a rumour going round that J. Corbyn is insisting that the North Koreans should be allowed to tender for a replacement for Trident.
Racialist ethnics in the film industry are threatening to boycott the Oscars because of a lack of "diversity" in the nominees. So it's all down to racial origin rather than acting talent and the performance offered? Just so we know.
More true colours
The veteran actress Charlotte Rampling has joined the counterblast at black actors and their associates, who are moaning that they didn't get a quota of Oscar nominations. She has dared to point out that they are just anti-white racialists. Let us hope that they are thrust firmly back into their box before Actors of Oriental Origin, Moslems and every splinter group with an over-loud voice starts demanding Oscars be allocated by minority rather than merit. It's just cheap psychomorology.
These Orientals have such weird ideas
The Chinese government would have us believe that it uses a comfy chair to torture prisoners. As its prisoners are strapped tightly to iron chairs for days on end, the waxworks would appear to have employed a bunch of cowboys to program their universal translator.
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NOE Conservation, which showed their "talking" gorilla how to make some signs then edited video of the animal making them into a twee message accusing Mankind of wrecking the planet.
M. Miller, who was sacked as Culture Sec. over dodgy expenses claims, wants passports and driving licences to be "degendered" because the Aussies are doing it, bunch of twits.
L. Truss, the useless Environment Sec., who's just one of Dave's token wimmin.
Corbyn's Revenge Reshuffle.
The selfless class warriors leading the BMA, who are getting doctors to strike on a political agenda and willing to kill off as many customers as necessary to get their way.
P. Dilley, chairman of the Environment Agency, who had the cheek to tell his predecessor that in a crisis, people expect you to be there. Mr. Dilly, of course, stayed on holiday in Barbados whilst Yorkshire and Cumberland were being flooded.
Foreign Sec. P. Hammons, who's pretending to love the EU because of the job Dave gave him after a career as a Yurosceptic. It's amazing what a hypocrite will do to grease up to the boss.
M. Miller, the expenses swindler who was sacked from the Cabinet in 2014 and now has the chairmanship of a totally unnecessary Commons committee to shove undeserved extra cash into her pockets, who claims that 650,000 people in Britain don't know which gender they are despite the very limited options. Sounds like she needs to be locked up in a safe space until she grows some common sense. Along with all the other bigots who spend their time dreaming up new hate crimes.
“Far queue, far queue very much!” Frank Zappa.
The Far Queue: the traditional parking place for everything "not wanted on voyage".
|Created for Romiley Anarchists' League by workers in revolt against oppression|
to set the record straight in the 3rd millennium. © RAL, January MM16.