BlackFlag News
 
 2014/April 
  final
BFN email address
Previous MonthNext Month

Public Service Advice: For maximum comprehension, customers are advised to read our words from left to right and in the order in which they are presented. Please keep your eyes open whilst reading or you might miss something.

 GARDENING NEWS 

"Experts" miss the point – as usual
Apparently, it is now conventional wisdom that putting bits of broken plant pot at the bottom of a "plant container" doesn't improve drainage. Which misses the point entirely. The bits of broken pot are there to provide drainage, not to improve it. Their job is (A) to stop the compost from falling through the drainage holes in the bottom of the container and (B) to prevent compacted compost from blocking a single drainage hole and causing waterlogging. Which is why the bits of pot have to curve upwards to form an arch. In this orientation, they won't block the holes either.

 SHAMBLES NEWS 

Loadsa cash doesn't convey competence
BT Sport has blown zillions of pounds on acquiring the rights to lots of football and a few other scraps. But the geniuses in charge have failed to spend a few quid on people who know how to run a TV channel. With the result that when an event is delayed, as the Indy car race at Birmingham, Alabama, was by rain, BT has no mechanism for letting the viewers know what is going on.
   So you get what happened on the last Sunday in the month: the start time for the programme comes and goes, and all the bloke in the control room can do is shove on adverts and BT promos and irrelevant football interviews while the Indy car fans sit at home asking, "What the bluddy hell is going on?"

Trough access blocked
G. Osborne, the Chancellor, has stomped all over an attempt by the management at the failed bank RBS to apply Gordon Broon economics to the business. The management decided that, as the bank is continuing to make huge losses, the staff are not earning the salaries they are being paid, courtesy of the taxpayer. So the only solution is to pay them 3x as much via a double-salary bonus. But Mr. Osborne was able to pull the plug on this Brownish scheme by applying his veto.

Why wait till now?
The Justice Sec., C. Grayling, has only just been spurred into reviewing the stupid payments made to convicts – £800 for lost nose clippers, £500 for soya milk, etc. But what's the betting that nothing ever comes of it?

 BROON NOOS 

Pensions expert speaks out
Wee Gordie Broon, the man who wrecked British private sector pensions on the way to wrecking the entire British economy, has poked his wee nose over the parapet to issue a wee warning to any Scots thinking of going independent – to do so will cost them a subsidy of £700 MILLION/year to their pensions from the English taxpayer.
   The evil Alex Salmonella and the Scots Gnats won't admit this, but the Scottish pensions bill will be three times the income from taxes on oil over the next few years, and the Scots will be hard pressed to raise the money from other sources.

DMG, the text code most often used in connection with Wee Gordie's name, stands for Deep Moaning Groan. Ed.

Mugging the private sector pensioner
The Office for Budget Responsibility had calculated that Gordon Brown's burglary of private pension schemes brought in £118 BILLION, all of which was wasted in Brown's 13-year reckless spending spree, which left the nation bankrupt and horrendously in debt.
The actual cost to private sector pensioners, allowing for lost interest, comes to £260 BILLION.
Let us not forget that, during the spending spree, the Balls Monster was either Broon's financial advisor or his puppet-master, depending on how arrogant Ballsie is feeling.

space news
 SPACE NEWS 

Rank bad planning


Our Romiley Correspondent writes:
What is the point of having a total lunar eclipse if it isn't visible from Romiley? Okay, so we were able to watch its progress on NASA TV, but what we saw didn't match what we normally see with a Mark I eyeball. The Moon usually goes a nasty, yellowy-orange at totality. Never the bright red of the pictures in the news meeja the next day. Which leaves us with a sneaking suspicion that someone put a red filter on NASA's camera lens for dramatic effect..
The year's second total Lunar eclipse, in October, will be a similar dead loss, as far as Romiley-based astronomers are concerned.

Blood Moon Bollocks
The doom-mongers are at it again. This month's total lunar eclipse is the first of a tetrad – 4 on the trot which are total with no partial eclipses breaking the sequence. Their last end of the world scenario, the Mayan calendar fiasco of December 2012, might have been a huge flop, Armageddon-wise, but the doomsters are predicting that the last episode of the tetrad, which will be visible from Romiley on September 15th next year, will be the start of everything going horribly wrong and the finish for humanity.
There have been 62 total eclipse tetrads in the last 2,000 years, and humanity has survived all of them, but the doomsters would like us to believe that 63 is a magic number.

 HEALTH NEWS 

Why we went broke, Part 1,069
In 2005, the B. Liar "New & Useless Labour" regime wasted £658 MILLION on antiviral drugs to combat a bird flu epidemic, which never happened. Worse, the drugs purchased were no better than over-the-counter stuff, and they had no effect on reducing hospital admissions and complications. And the burrocrats who bought them paid vastly over the odds for the supplies – effectively sitting on their hands and watching the taxpayer being ripped off. No one was sacked, of course, but that's the public sector for you.
Sir L. Donaldson, top NHS boss at the time, was panicking about "waves" of flu of the same severity as the 1918 Spanish flu outbreak, which killed 50 million people world-wide. In fact, no one in the UK died of bird flu.
Most of the stocks of antivirals had to be thrown away due to poor record keeping or given away as their expiry date approached and there was no need for them in Britain.

You pays your money and you don't get your choice
Investigations by the Food Standards Agency and Which? have found that anyone ordering a lamb dish at a fast-food joint is highly unlikely to get what they're expecting. If there is any lamb, it is likely to be diluted with meat from other sources, and in a large number of cases, the exact type of mean on offer defied identification. Ratburger, anyone?

Good Booze News!
Dr. K. Polkolainen, a former World Health Organization alcohol expert, has concluded that drinking a bottle of wine a day (10 units) does no harm. In fact, damage starts only when the consumption exceeds 13 units/day. And even better, people who refresh themselves could live longer than teetotallers.

Looks like we're going to have to live forever
The Sugar Police at the UN and our own dear government think we eat far too much of it. Well, some help is at hand. Asians, particularly the Chinese, have taken a liking to chocolate and the world can't produce enough to fill their demand. So Easter eggs and other forms of chocolate are set to become a thing of the past.

 DOSH NEWS 

Who's going to fall for this?
Labour is pretending that Kin Jong Milipede will make it illegal for MPs to have a second job if, by some weird twist of a malignant Fate, he ends up prime monster after the next general election. Like this is going to happen, given the size of that particular vested interest in his own party.

Pull the other one
The Standards Committee at the House of Common Criminals is packed with dodgy characters, presumably on the theory that convicted expenses abusers will be able to do the best whitewash job possible on future cases to "prove" that the criminals have cleaned up their act. Cue The Who playing Won't Get Fooled Again on behalf of the electorate.

How come the Wonga TV adverts no longer tell potential customers that the APR is 6,000%?

The UN is getting too much of OUR cash
As well as throwing our money away on overseas aid – £3.3 BILLION in the last 4 years went to organizations with a proven record of wasting the money they get – Dave the Leader is failing to get a grip on the amount of money extorted from the taxpayer by the United Nations Organization – around £300 MILLION per year. The UN is obviously getting far too much if it can sent its underemployed nit-pickers junketing here and abusing our hospitality. The latest, one R. Manjoo of Sarf Efrica, a "feminist academic", has been moaning that Britain is the most sexist place in the world after a free trip here. To which we reply: "If you don't like it here, push off. We didn't invite you to come in the first place."
The last junketer was some Brasilian woman, who had a moan about public sector housing and welfare reforms.
Predictably, Labour's mouthpiece Y. Cooper was on Manjoo's side big-time.

The Co-operative Group has made a world record annual loss of £2,500,000,000. Which kind of explains how messers Broon and Balls got the country into such a mess when they were running a Co-op economy from 1997 to 2010.

Move over wonga, the cute puppets at Barclays Bank are moving into the payday loans sector with overdraft charges with positively eye-watering rates of interest. Not quite 6,000% APR yet, but getting there.

Not very nourishing!
An Indian businessman went to a hospital in Delhi and announced that he had swallowed the cap of a water bottle, and it had given him an upset stomach. But when his interior was investigated, the surgeon found a dozen one-ounce gold "biscuits", each worth about $1,300. The operation saved the businessman from severe bleeding, a rupture of his intestine and septicaemia, but Customs officials relieved him of his small fortune for import tax evasion.

Grab, grab, grab!
Berko, the pantomime Squeaker @ the House of Common Criminals, had trousered half a million quid in expenses from the taxpayer during his reign. He has had £172,000 for entertainment, so he's clearly having his bottle of wine a day. [And someone else's. Ed.] 26 grand on dresses; the best part of 150 grand on travelling to junkets at home and abroad; £7,100 for his phone bills; the best part of 50 grand for official cars; but just £651 spent on books, so he obviously doesn't have time for that activity.
Berko has also claimed £3,442 for TV licences, which suggests he had 5 residences. Not quite @ Tony B. Liar's level, but getting there.

world news
 WORLD NEWS 

Don't breathe the air!
The EU has the cheek to threaten Britain with fines for failing to reduce air pollution whilst exporting vast amounts of toxic fug from France, Belgium and Holland in our direction. Hence the grey cloud of "deadly" smog, which overwhelmed large parts of central and western England at the beginning of this month.
Dust blown over from the Sahara desert was an unwelcome added bonus for our smog victims, but the EU has yet to come up with a compensation scheme for victims of African pollution.

Chinese invading England by stealth
Certain people are becoming quite agitated over the number of city-centre properties in England's major cities, which are being sold to rich Chinese migrants at over-the-odds prices. The argument is that British first-time buyers are being denied a chance to buy the properties. But as the average first-timer would have no hope of raising even the going price, it looks like agitation for agitation's sake by the people who put the "git" in agitation.
p.s. Does anyone care that the Chinese have bought the House of Fraser store chain?

A genuine spectacle
Glasgow has come up with a truly stunning opening-day event** as host of the 2014 Commonwealth Games. The plan is to blow up a few redundant blocks of '60s flats as a major contribution to the gaiety of nations. Follow that with a juggler!
** Subject to elf 'n' nazi considerations on the day.
Update Glasgow Wimps Out The plan to demolish five of the remaining six remaining Red Road tower blocks to put a bit of drama into the opening ceremony of the Commonwealth Games has been dropped. Apparently, some people think it would be "insensitive to former residents" – an argument so lacking in merit that it was bound to be adopted by the PC mob.
Those most disappointed by the wimpish decision with be the people who were hoping that the sixth tower would be included in the general blasting "by accident". This tower is currently filled with bogus asylum seekers.

Voting excitement = stress = collapse!
The Members of the European Parliament are such a bunch of knackered basket-cases that they are demanding £200,000 from the taxpayer to fund an ambulance especially for them. Why? Because the poor darlings are worried that the stress of having to vote is much too much for them and they need the ambulance on 'elf 'n' nazi grounds.
The European Union costs Britain some 10% of its Gross Domestic Product – so that was £165 BILLION in 2013.

If you thought our police are useless . . .
A judge in Pakistan has had to dismiss a charge of attempted murder, which the police in Lahore brought against a 9-month-old boy! There was a brawl in his neighbourhood after power workers tried to disconnect people who were stealing electricity, and the mentally confused coppers decided to charge the lad with trying to kill them!!
   [Maybe his family should increase his pocket money so he'll be able to afford a decent bribe in future. Ed.]

A sure sign of a lost argument
The Tories have conceded defeat to UKIP well before the May European elections. How do we know? Because all they're doing is trying to sleaze and smear UKIP rather than displaying their own Euro credentials. And Dave the Leader is trying to play the God card, which is a recognized last resort of a scoundrel.

How do you spot a scoundrel these days? Easy. It's anyone who calls UKIP's EU election posters "racist", which is now the first resort of the leftie luvvie (yes, Mike Gapes of Labour, we mean you), who is too lazy to offer a reasoned argument.

A sure sign that UKIP has all of the other parties worried
Since when did people in political posters or attending political events have to be real people rather than actors or anyone handy? [Lest we forgot, the throng which welcomed Tony B. Liar to Downing Street in 1997 was just a bunch of Labour stooges pretending to be real people. And New Labour provided many more examples. Ed.] All of the quibbles about UKIP's euro-elections posters confirm that their opponents are eager to change the subject and willing to do anything other than address the points raised by UKIP. Mainly because they have no answer to them.

Romiley News
ROMILEY NEWS
 

Romiley remains smog-free

Something else which Britain gets from the EU which no one wants – killer smog. Luckily for Romiley, however, we live on a green peninsula, which stayed as free from the nasties as it remained flood-free at the start of the year.

"Progress, but not as we know it, Jim."
Our Romiley Correspondent writes:
Good News! I installed a Virgin Media shiny new super hub offering up to 50 Mb/sec. broadband, replacing a 20 Mb modem.
   Not So Good News – I used to get a download speed of 19-20 Mb/second. When I ran a test with the new kit, I was getting a download speed of 2-3 Mb/second!!
   Dear Virgin Meeja, can I go back to the old system? Please??
   p.s. Peculiarly, at the activation stage, the VM website told me I didn't have Javascript and cookies switched on in my default Firefox browser, even though they are switched on, and the activation couldn't be done. So I switched to Internet Explorer, only to be told that IE 11 is an incompatible browser! I eventually ended up finishing the job using Opera, which didn't managed to give the Virgin system chronic indigestion.
Update I did another test the next day and the download speed was 53 Megabits/second and the upload speed had improved from 0.1 Mb/second to 3 Mb/second.

They're at it everywhere!
Something you don't see every day in Romiley – a car with a wheel clamped by a crew from the car tax enforcement authority for having an out-of-date tax disk. But as the one on the windscreen expired in November 2013, the driver in question doesn't have a leg to stand on. In addition to a clamped wheel.

 CLIMATE NEWS 

Climate Change or just Climate? Remember, there wouldn't be cash for the Fraudsters to steal if it was just Climate.

If the Warmists had a valid scientific case, which would stand up to honest scrutiny, they wouldn't have to falsify data and use the political tactic of attacking the character of anyone who dares disagree with them.
   The mere fact that they have chosen to go down this route confirms that the people who pretend that they can forecast what the Earth's climate will do in the future as far as imaginary "tipping points", and control it so that the "tipping points" are never reached, are nothing but fraudsters.
   They are selling snake oil to ignorant politicians, who are riding in the fraud's bandwagon for as long as they think they can derive personal benefit from it. And both the fraudsters and the politicians are making a nice profit out of ruining the present and the future for the poor old taxpayer.

global warming sloganPromises, promises (again)
The Met Office is now guaranteeing that it will get its apocalyptic forecasts of dire weather 80% right in the future. This will result from using more powerful computers. Unfortunately, they will still be running on the brand new computers, the same tired old climate models, which got things 100% wrong so consistently in the past.

The dust from the Sahara, the added bonus to this month's major EU-sourced air-pollution, is a natural event and nothing at all to do with climate change. Don't believe the Global Warming Fraudsters if they try to tell you something different.

global warming sloganSwindlers' Balance?
A. Miller (Labour), chairman of the Commons science & technology committee, thinks the BSBC is committing a crime against his religion by giving any air time at all to the people who dare to challenge the Great Global Warming Fraud. Not permitting dissent, and excluding real science and the truth, would appear to be his strategy for eliminating bias from a debate.

global warming sloganChomp! Aaaagh!
Thanks to global warming, flesh-chomping piranha fish can now survive in rivers in the south of England. Which means that people stranded by the next round of floods will have something extra to worry about. But look on the bright side; it should discourage the meeja idiots who insist on doing reports from a puddle wearing waders.

global warming sloganIf it's the UN speaking, take no notice
If there's one thing absolutely guaranteed to bugger things up for the rest of us, it's a gang of fanatics at the UN telling us how to live our lives and save the world by eating less meat, etc., etc. Because the thing about fanatics of all persuasions is that they are control freaks. So it doesn't really matter if they are right or wrong or even reasonable. All that matters to them is being in charge and getting the maximum number of people to jump through their hoops and stuff the maximum amount of other people's cash into their bottomless pockets.

global warming sloganWarmist Pollution Kills!
The Global Warmists' agitation has resulted in 7,000 unnecessary deaths per year in Britain. This is due to a switch to diesel-powered vehicles, which emit less carbon dioxide than vehicles with a petrol engine, but very large amounts of lethal nitrogen dioxide.

BFN Book Review

Valis
by Philip K. Dick (1981)

The drug-ravaged central character, the laboriously named Horselover Fat, has a God obsession and he associates with seriously weird people in the seriously weird parts of the United States. No wonder he's not right in the head.
   There is a lot of blah in these 230-some pages. Some of the stuff between the blah is readable. This is probably a book about which people are pretentious or precious because it looks like it might mean something. But it's mostly blah, if not horse feathers, and it is definitely not one the serious student of science fiction would read twice; assuming he or she gets through it once.

Home News
 HOME NEWS 
UK Flag

Mission Impossible?
The Labour party is willing to invest £45,000 in someone who will be the Head of the Dear Leader’s Broadcasting and present Kim Jong Milipede to the nation as someone who isn't terminally weird. Sounds like whoever gets the job will have an uphill task.
BFN would like to suggest that the Labour party calls in Nicholas Parsons of Just A Minute fame as a special consultant to do something about the Dear Leader's unfortunate preoccupation with repetition & deviation.

Clash of the By-standers
Clottish Clegg, Britain's pantomime DPM, came a poor second to UKIP leader N. Farage in their second TV debate on the EU. But the good news for the Cleggster is that no one really cares about the outcome of a match between two 4-division team captains.
Kim Jong Milipede evidently doesn't fancy his 2nd division side against the 4th division. He's lobbying for the UKIP leader to be excluded from next year's pre-election posturing and "debate" by the main party leaders.

One law for the wimmin
Expenses abuser M. Miller, the current Press Censorship Minister, is being allowed to keep her job because the Cabinet is short of token women. She overclaimed on double-mortgage interest payments for a second home, which she sold at a profit of £1.2 MILLION last month. She also managed to get a £40K discount on the amount which the expenses watchdog decided she owes the taxpayer through vigorous application of whitewash by usual suspects who, no doubt, expect a spot of reciprocal back-scratching when their crimes are exposed.
Mrs. Miller would like everyone to believe that she did not abuse her position overseeing the Luvvieson Press Censorship Plan to warn off journalists investigating her expenses abuse.
She has not (yet) been charged with claiming expenses for a home occupied by her parents.
Mrs. Miller's department has been retitled The Ministry for Mandelsleaze and Press Censorship.

Can't count but don't care
Having been infiltrated by New Labour uselessness, the Office for National Statistics has failed to add 350,000 migrants to its official figures, which explains why, in part, that the government has been so wildly off on the true extent of migration here from the far reaches of the EU.
Of course, no one will be sacked at the ONS for gross negligence or incompetence.

Did anything actually change?
Drunks, paedophiles, homosexual molesters, swindlers – are we talking about inhabitants of Her Majesty’s prisons? No, these are the freeloaders at the House of Commons, who enjoy the full protection of the Establishment, including MI5. We are forever being told that the majority of MPs are honest, decent, hard-working people, and they have cleaned up their act since the expenses scandal. But there doesn't seem to be much evidence of that around.

"Post" is the fashion
Lord Williams, sometime Archbish of Cantab, reckons that Britain is now a post-Christian country, which makes a sort of sense. The country is being driven to ruin by a post-science cult – the Global Warmists – and we've had lots of other posts come and go, post-Modernism to conjure up but one. And there is also a climate of persecution of active Christians, led mainly by leftie-luvvie politicians anxious to secure votes of adherents of weird foreign cults of all descriptions because the British people have seen through them.

 DEPARTURES 

Culture Vulture Sec. & Minister for Mandelsleaze
& Press censorship Maria Miller

She pushed the limits of legitimate expenses to breaking point, she failed to notice that mortgage rates had dropped and continued to overcharge the taxpayer for her doubled mortgage via her parliamentary expenses, and when the sleaze regulator got on her case, she wriggled and got underlings to wave her Luvvieson press censorship role at the Daily Telegrope in an attempt to hide what she had done. Dave, her party leader, attempted to apply the New Labour rule that no Government Minister is responsible for his/her crimes but failed. And so Mrs. Miller has been obliged to fall on her sword and retire from the Cabinet to spend more time with the stonking HUGE profit of £1.2 MILLION quid, which she made on her taxpayer-funded second home. And be creative with her rank-and-file MP's expenses, of course, if she chooses to do so.

BFN Book Review

Waterloo Sunset
by Martin Edwards (2008)

Written by a real Liverpool solicitor, this airport-length adventure features Harry Devlin, a fictional Liverpool solicitor, who doesn't have much soliciting to do. He gets a fake death notice about himself, saying he'll be dead in a week's time. Then his business partner is battered and put in hospital.
   Harry is a noted investigator since being a suspect for his wife's murder, and he knows a lot of seriously weird people, and some dangerous ones. This is a well-written, attention holding voyage of exploration through the week, and it's well worth what Bibliophile charges for it (whilst stocks last).

 WAR NEWS 

On The Way Out
Tony B. Liar sent British troops into Helmand province in Afghanistan in 2006 on a 3-year mission in the expectation that not a shot would be fired. Eight years, 448 death, thousands of injuries and BILLIONs of pounds [£20 BILLION to £40 BILLION, depending on who's doing the counting] later, the troops are packing up. Afghanistan remains full of terrorists, the government remains fully corrupt and opium production continues to soar. But Mr. Liar, who has more homes and millions than you can shake a stick at, has moved on from his gesture.

Fashion Tip:
If you can't find a white poppy to not celebrate winning World War I, why not try a white feather instead?

Tell us something we didn't know
Do we need a "new book" by some jumped-up journalist to tell us that Pakistan has been hiding terrorists for decades whilst taking zillions in aid money from the West? Does the author seriously expect us to believe that we didn't know that the Taliban and Alky-Ida have "compounds" all over Pakistan with the full knowledge of the government there? Just how dumb does she think we are, anyway?

War-monger
Tony B. Liar, it seems, would like the world to unite with Vlad the Putin to start a war against Islamism. Which leaves us asking how many millions does he hope to make out of it?

Dirty Tricks Department
The Russians have come up with a cute wheeze to challenge EU sanctions against members of the Putinocracy. Russian spies are posing as "separatist leaders" in Ukraine and organizing the kidnapping of EU observers to hold them to ransom.

 FOODIE NEWS 

So what else is new?
The government is encouraging fast food joints to rip off their customers. The scam involves cutting down portion sizes and replacing really good ingredients with heaps of cheap vegetables – all in the name of preventing obesity – PLUS charging the same price for less. As this and previous governments have a long history of ripping off the taxpayer, the present crew of ministers see nothing dishonest, or even illegal, in this.

 APRIL FOOL? 

Is any of these not an April Fool?
You will live forever if you have 7 portions of fruit & veg per day instead of 5. Or is it 10? Or 13?
Statins are the new Viagra™
"Putin pulls troops back from Ukraine"
The UN's Global Warming Fraud predictions of catastrophe, which bogus asylum seekers will use as an excuse to flood Europe as climate-change victims.
Vince Cable's story that the Royal Mail was sold to the right kind of investment community even if it was at a loss of £2,300,000,000 to the taxpayer.
40% of voters fear Nigel Farage is a 'danger to Britain'.
There are rats as big as a cat in Birmingham – well, wide as a brick and two-feet-tall.
French foreign minister Laurent Fabius has a point when he say Britain will become Small and no longer Great if we leave the EU.
26% of the inhabitants of the United States don't know that the Earth revolves around the Sun, and this figure has remained the same for the last 2 decades.

BFN Book Review

The Steel Spring
by Per Wahlöö (1968)

Inspector Jensen is sent abroad for a liver transplant. He is not expected to survive but 3 months later, a government minister sends him back home to find out why all communication with their country has ceased. Jensen finds that the socialist paradise, in which everything is run for the benefit of the ruling elite and the birth rate is dropping alarmingly, has collapsed into greater insanity.
   It happened as a result of the deliberate use of a biological control agent, which the elite thought would help them to fix the next election result in their favour. But the s.o.b.s wrecked everything.

 NOT AN APRIL FOOL 

What cash shortage
The NHS, which is eternally pleading poverty, is wasting £46 MILLION per year on non-jobs like carbon monitors and environment officers for car parks. Public-sector parasites are getting up to £93K for PR, "green" and diversity non-jobs.
Lord Warner, a former Labour minister who helped to create the non-jobs, is now telling the NHS to charge taxpayers £10/month for membership (on top of what they pay already) and £20/night for time in hospital to pay for the New Labour non-jobs.

Public Service Announcement

He's been called the Blogger of the Decade

His intellect is matched only by the size of his luck and the size of his bank balance. And yet he manages to keep his Feet On The Ground with the greatest of ease. Do yourself a favour and find out what Xavier has had to say about what's going on Right Now!

travel news
 TRAVEL NEWS 


Blame the customer, as usual
Network Rail is blaming its £70 MILLION fine for not meeting punctuality targets on the wrong sort of passenger numbers. Too many people are using trains and that's why they are always late.

Don't trust them, whatever you do!
Never put any confidential or embarrassing documents in your luggage if you have to pass through a British airport. Why? Because Customs staff routinely do illegal searches and anything interesting is liable to be read, copied, used for blackmail or extortion or insider trading, sold, put on the Internet or who knows what.

The EU wants to scrap UK number plates and replace them with new ones, at vast expense, in EU standard colours. In fact, it's just a scam to get the EU flag on our number plates.

Another dodgy minister inaction
Transport Minister P. Mc-he's-having-a-Laughlin, is to be hauled up before the beak for illegally hiding a report which confirms that the H2S rail link will be a disaster for the taxpayer. The Information Commissioner, C. Graham, is intent on hauling the truth, kicking and screaming, into the light of day.
Mr. Mc-he's-having-a-Laughlin is trying to deploy a bogus public interest argument.

Google has spent £36 million on buying a company which makes drones so that no part of the world will be safe from its spy cameras and data-trawling devices.

Crime News
 CRIME NEWS 

The Akbar Privilege

Moslems make up 5% of the population at large in England and Wales, but the figure goes up to 14% for the prison population? Why? Because there is a perception that pretending to be a Moslem gives a crook better condition inside.

Police (in a) State
The Police Federation, the coppers' trade union, has been ordered to clean up its act – or the government will step in and do it for them. The prevailing culture of bullying, running secret bank accounts, partying with the Fed's corporate credit cards and waging sleaze campaigns against Tory ministers is causing the problem.

Good for business? Great, actually!
Cigarette smugglers await with eager anticipation, the government's coming directive ordering cigarettes to be sold in plain packaging. “Copying them will be a doddle,” Manchester's leading tobacco smuggler told BFN via his burner phone. “Nice to have the government on our side for once!”

Police on the criminal's side? Nothing new.
Fraudsters, conmen, scammers and other criminals who don't want their activities exposed by the Press can now apply to their local police for the imposition of a harassment notice in full confidence that it will be granted. This is how the police are interpreting their self-created Luvvieson Press Censorship "rules", even though they have no force in law. Which makes it no wonder that people now feel that the police "service" doesn't provide one that is of any benefit to the public, and people long for a police "force", which will enforce the laws that really exist.

The chairman and general secretary of the scandal-ravaged Police Federation have both resigned suddenly as the union faces further questions about its role in the PlodGategate sleaze campaign.
The Fed's treasurer for the last 5 years is a graduate of the New Labour/Co-op school of financiers – he has zero qualifications in the field.

Tough on criminals!
The people in rural Bolivia really know how to tackle crime. Take the inhabitants of a village near Cochabambain for example. They grabbed a pair of teenagers who stole 3 bikes (said to be worth $4,000!!) and held them to ransom. But it was only when the crooks were tied to a tree full of fire ants that their relatives paid up. The thieves ended up in hospital, which means more expense for their families, which should make them even more popular when they eventually get home.

If you're a foreign criminal and you don't want to be deported, suddenly remember that you're a homophile and the Home Office can't touch you. Why? Because it looks like our dotty old judges at the Court of Appeal will buy any silly story on offer.

Not lying quite as much?
Now that they have been caught in the act of cynically fiddling crime figures, presumably to justify bonuses for making the crime rate "fall", the nation's police "services" have been forced to admit that violent crime is rising. By 25% in Gwent and Kent, the worst nests of fiddlers.

Savile industry doing well
The gang "investigating" historic sex crimes has trousered the best part of £3 MILLION since the alleged paedophile activities of DJ J. Savile were exposed to the oxygen of publicity. Charges have been brought against a range of other celebs but prosecutors have failed thus far to convince juries that they had any merit. But a lot of legal-trade bank accounts have received a healthy transfusion from the taxpayer.

Public Service Announcement

www.Crooks In Action.co.uk

Now going into its second decade on the World Wide Web – a brilliant resource exposing Nigerian-type 419 scams, bogus lotteries & job offers, phishing attempts, next-of-kin scams, scams involving loot from foreign wars and much, much more!
CLICK HERE to find out what email miracles are on offer.

Far Queue List

Far Queue symbol Black And Minority Ethnic journalists, who think they have a divine right to a permanent job at the BSBC because of their skin colour and ethnic derivation.

Far Queue symbol That attention-seeking member of the wimmin clan, who thinks she's entitled to a million quid from the BSBC because J. Clarkson said 'slope'. "Slope off, missus!" is our advice.

Far Queue symbol The Football Association for charging 90 quid for a 2-quid sports top bearing an England badge.

Far Queue symbol The geniuses at the BSBC who are having perfectly good and recently installed carpets ripped up and replaced because they are not "creative" enough!

Far Queue symbol Press Censorship Minister M. Miller for her obstructive attitude to expenses swindles and her sense of entitlement.

Far Queue symbol Lord D. Steel, who gave the massive paedophile and Liberal party icon C. Smith his knighthood. And who is still claiming that he knew nothing about the widely reported activities of the world's biggest paedophile and the Liberal party's cover-ups, even though he was the leader of the party for a period.

Far Queue symbol Sacked deputy squeaker N. Evans, a self-confessed drunk and groper.

Far Queue symbol Clottish Clegg, if he thinks anyone is going to believe that he didn't know what Cyril Smith, Liberal party paedophile, was up to seeing it has been common knowledge for decades and Clegg's Sheffield constituency is just a hoot and a holler from Rochdale.

Far Queue symbol J. Alison, chief licencing jobsworth @ Oxford council (Labour), who banned an annual Easter Passion Play because he thought it was a sex show, having failed to get the religious connection with Easter.

Far Queue symbol Whoever it was who awarded £800 to a gaoled mass-murderer for the loss of his nasal hair clippers and other bits & pieces.

Far Queue symbol Whoever it was who awarded five hundred quid to a convict for the alleged loss of some cartons of soya milk.

Far Queue symbol Whoever it was who failed to divert these payments to the Victims' Fund.

Far Queue symbol “Far queue, far queue very much!” – Frank Zappa.

The Far Queue: the traditional parking place for everything "not wanted on voyage".

back to toppage
top
Created for Romiley Anarchists' League by workers in revolt against oppression
to set the record straight in the 3rd millennium. © RAL, April MM14.