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 The stitch is up
HM the Queen has been required to sign the Westminster Wonders' and Hacked Toffs' Press Censorship Charter. From now on, a blind eye will be turned to the criminal activities of politicians of all parties and bankers. And sundry other friends of the political establishment.
 700 Grand down the drain – thanks, Ed.
When Baby Peter was murdered under the noses of Harringey social services and the police in 2007, the cover-up was instant. But the government minister in charge, E. Balls, thought he could make himself look good by sacking the odious head of the social services dept. Sharon Shoesmith got the bullet in 2008.
Fast forward to 2011 and the Court of Appeal decided that Balls made a balls-up of his political sacking. Two years of legal wrangling with the council followed. The court thought she should get 3 months' salary (£33,250) plus pension contributions. She demanded £1.5 MILLION. The council has now decided to give her around £700,000 of the taxpayer's money.
 Good on yer, mate!
T. Abbott, the Aussie PM, has upset the Global Warming Swindlers by pouring scorn on their claim that the recent wildfires were caused by global warming and also worse than anything seen before. Selective Memory Syndrome at work again. He also put a UN warmist in her place when she blamed the wildfires on carbon in the atmosphere.
 This month's tornadoes
Hayling Island, Hampshire (20th), extensive damage. Burton upon Trent, Staffordshire (20th), very little damage.
 On average, tornadoes form in Britain on 20-30 days of the year.
 Not better late than never
The first replacement nuclear power station since 1995 has finally been ordered in 2013. Who was the last Energy Secretary and why didn't he do it? Red Ed Milibandit. Which is more than sufficient explanation for the delay.
 Beware of the Bag of Death
The Global Warming Swindlers joined in the campaign to get rid of the supermarket plastic bag (rather than campaign to use it more sensibly), along with assorted Greens. They want everyone to have reuseable hessian shopping bags. Next thing you know, a professor takes a close look at some average "bags for life" and finds that they carry more bacteria than a sewage farm. Which explains why hospital admissions and deaths from bacterial infections are both up.
So what else is new, BT? A recent addition to a BT junction box at the bottom of Carlton Avenue is a banner reading: "FIBRE BROADBAND IS HERE"
Yes, mate, we know, we've had it for years in Romiley.
 Unwanted Highway created by the EU
A report for the Euro Commissioner for employment and "social inclusion" (??) estimates that some 600,000 benefits tourists are lurking in Britain at an annual cost to the NHS of £1,500,000,000. The report's major conclusion is that benefits tourism is no kind of problem.
This Commissioner is currently seeking to take Britain to court to make more benefits available to benefits tourists so that the eurozone can export its idle citizens here.
 Well, that's a surprise
The European Commission's report on benefit tourism was bought from "independent consultants" who have received £70 MILLION in EU contracts, which explains why it reached the unsustainable conclusion that benefit tourism isn't happening. It was bought from usual suspects who know what the desired result should be.
The BBC, showing its usual internal bias, went along with the EU's spin as a reflex.
A key chapter of the report was written by a specialist in environmental law rather than benefit tourism.
 Unpleasant surprise
A correspondent has been forced to "upgrade" his laptop to Windows 8 because the support staff at Lenovo were unable to find a replacement for a defective Windows 7 driver. He offers the following first impression of Windows 8:
"It's like being dumped somewhere in your home town with a bag over your head and your hands tied behind your back. You know what there is in the town, but you no longer have a clue about how to go about finding anything. Including the absolute basics like how to switch the PC off.
"The 'START' button no longer gives access to all the useful stuff, like access to programs and switching the PC off. The new START button brings up a set of babyish panels full of apps and crapps, which no person in his right mind would ever want to see on a PC used for serious work.
"The new look of Windows 8 is designed for a tablet with a touch-screen, not a 'proper PC'. It's okay for larking about, playing games and messing about with apps and on the internet, but if you do anything serious on your PC, stick with Windows 7 or XP."
 Definitions for the Modern Day: App
An "app" is a cut-down, baby version of an application (or program) for a personal computer. The reduced version is designed to run on a vastly inferior system, in terms of processing power, etc., such as a cellphone or a tablet. It lacks most of the functionality, which makes the original application useful on a 'proper' computer (see also "crapp"). As no one in his right mind would use an app on a full-power computer instead of the corresponding application, Microsoft's decision to fill its Start page with baby apps suggests that some genius there had decided that proper computers are about to become obsolete. Which should be good for Apple's business prospects.
 Observations for the Modern Day
"Here lies an MP and an honest man", is carved on the gravestone. To which someone has added, in chalk: "I didn't know you could put two bodies in one grave!"
 French bog up (again)
The US ambassador to our neighbour got a wigging about bugging French phones. Wrong. It's the Israelis who listen to and view 70,000 phone calls and texts per month. With equipment paid for by the Yanks, of course.
 The Big-6 Energy firms to be declared Fair Game?
Wholesale energy prices have gone up by 1.7% on the world market over the last year. But energy companies in Britain put their prices up by 10% and managed to double their profit per customer. How else would you define a rip-off and a totally clueless and useless regulator?
Who dithered instead of doing something?
Those geniuses Bliar 'n' Broon spent 13 years in office but made no attempt to replace ageing power stations. And they let the EU close down perfectly good coal-fired power stations on bogus environmental grounds. New Labour also presided over a doubling of energy costs, which included Red Ed Milbandit's bogus green taxes and subsidies on ineffective windmills.
The Milibandit's bogus green taxes were all cheered on by D. Cameron and his buddies, and G. Osborne introduced his crazy carbon tax, which is intended to double the price of electricity generated from coal and gas, the only reliable technologies (apart from nuclear, which is a shrinking contributor).
And then there's the cost of all the cabling needed to connect inefficient windmills to the national grid, none of which would be needed if we had proper, always-on, responsive-to-demand power stations. So no real doubt about where to pin the blame.
FOR YOUR INFORMATION
The process of Evolution amounts to descent with modification. There is no guarantee of "for the better" in the process of modification and the traditional tree structure, which places Man at the top of the heap, is a gross and unjustified distortion of the facts. |
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10.5 pounds @ $20/gramme? |
 The biggest chunk of the meteorite which exploded over Russia in February has just been hauled out of the lake near Chebarkul. Divers also have ambitions to recover a fragment weighing several hundred kilos, but they need to get a move on before the big freeze starts.
 Still on course for Mars
Lots of the US government machine and 97% of NASA might have ground to a halt (including the website), but the Mars Atmosphere and Volatile EvolutioN (MAVEN) mission will not miss its launch window.
The mission has been ruled an exception to the Anti-Deficiency Act and it will go ahead as planned next month. The new spacecraft's job is to investigate how Mars managed to lose its atmosphere; the solar wind and the lack of a magnetic field are currently getting the blame.
MAVEN will also replace the Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter as the communication relay between the rovers on Mars; currently Opportunity and Curiosity; and their control centres on Earth.
 This one missed
Russian astronomers have reported a near miss by an asteroid fragment of diameter 15 metres. It flew past some 11,300 km above the surface of the Earth; about half-way between the planet and geostationary satellites, and it was of the same size as the meteorite which exploded over Chelyabinsk in February.
Nice try, but will it work?
The government plans to deny illegal immigrants the chance to buy a British driving licence, and to revoke a licence granted to an overstayer. But as most illegals bother with neither driving licence nor insurance, it remains to be seen whether the plan will have much effect. Banks will also be ordered to refuse to take the business of people who have no right to be here.
 Not so much open door as no door at all
It's bad enough that the theGrauniad and the Biased Broadcasting Company are giving terrorists advice on how to get away with it in Britain, but the UK Border Force is also giving bad guys a helping hand. Anyone; terrorist, criminal, whatever; can fly into Britain on a light aircraft and private jet and stroll unchecked to the car park with a bag of bombs, drugs, dirty money – absolutely anything.
Successive governments have been aware of the problem for the best part of a decade but, being useless, have done nothing about it.
No Highway recreated by the EU
The European Parliament is forcing through changes to the regulations about airline pilots which could leave some of them having to stay awake for up to 22 hours – which is a typically stoopid EU idea, given airline pilots' known tendency to drop off at the controls.
The changes have been opposed on safety grounds by the parliament's own transport committee, British MPs, pilots everywhere in Europe and doctors and scientists. But the dozy buggers in the EU parliament know best, apparently.
The Liberals are all in favour of the new rules, as they are with everything the EU comes up with, as their leaders are bought and paid for by that shady organization.
The law applies to everyone, surprisingly enough
The hard shoulder of a motorway is for emergencies only, so any copper who makes a motorist stop there to receive a fixed-penalty ticket is liable to be prosecuted for misconduct and causing a public nuisance.
Another way forward
There is now an alternative to the H2S rail link – to build a line along the route of the Great Central Railway, which was closed by Dr. Beeching in 1966. Satellite surveys shows that most of the run has not been built upon, and using an almost ready strip of land would reduce the cost to around £6 BILLION.
The H2S is currently costed at £50 BILLION and on course for £100 BILLION.
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| | Tough on the causes of skiving |
The boss of Essex police is planning to get tough with coppers who skive off and take sick days to recover from a hangover. He knows who the skivers are and he plans to put in place, a "sickness management process" to challenge the bad apples.
 It's built-in
Scientists have discovered why politicians can lie about their blunders and criminal activities, apparently without shame. There is something in the wiring of the brain of people who feel driven to go into politics which disconnects doing bad things from feeling responsibility for them. The politician's brain is always slower to realize that its owner has done something wrong, and in certain cases, the brain rejects culpability completely. Which certainly explains New Labour.
New this month; or is it?
The National Crime Agency opened for business this month. Presented as Britain's FBI, its mission is to make criminals quake in their boots by sending them threatening text messages.
A Labour sourpuss whinged that most of the NCA is just existing organizations rebadged – which is what New Labour spent 13 years doing, so what's up with that?
Those unfortunate enough to have an email account known to scammers will be used to receiving dodgy messages from the former head of the FBI in the USA – Robert E. Mueller III. They can now expect more of the same wearing the NCA brand and sent (allegedly) by one Keith Bristow.
The Serious Organized Crime Agency used to be the "British FBI" (according to the meeja), so maybe the Labour sourpuss has a bit of a point. (But not much of one.)
Is it worth it?
Anyone who suffers loss or injury as a result of a terrorist attack is now entitled to sue theGrauniad as an accessory before the fact. The bad news is that the Groaner isn't actually rolling in dosh, especially after it lost the revenue from advertising thousands of New Labour non-jobs.
 "Anything you say will be recorded and used to expose your lies . . ."
The latest fallout from the Plebgate Stitch-Up is that the Independent Police Complaints Commission has accused West Mercia police of doing a whitewash investigation of 3 Police Federation reps: an inspector and 2 sergeants. They gave a false account of a meeting with sacked Tory whip A. Mitchell at his constituency office but, unluckily for them, Mr. Mitchell recorded the meeting and he was able to blow the wheels off their fairy stories.
Criminal Offence of the Month
A bloke in Rhyl was convicted of obstructing police by hiding in a wardrobe (because he didn't want to be harassed by coppers looking for someone else), given a 6-month conditional discharge and done for costs of £100.
[Could things have been a lot worse if he'd been found hiding under a bed? Ed.]
No one told me, mate!
A new code of conduct for coppers will tell them not to report for duty in a drunken stupor, not to sneak off to have sex whilst they're being paid to work and not to lie their heads off. Apparently, the reason why coppers have been doing all three for centuries, and getting away with it, is because these statements of the bleedin' obvious were never presented to them in writing.
 If you're the fuzz, you can get away with anything
Cumbria Police have wasted a huge amount of cash on persecuting a whistle-blower, who exposed the local Police & Crime Commissioner's abuses of taxpayers' money. The Can't Prosecute Service, of course, won't be prosecuting anyone for wasting police time.
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Hope on the horizon
Research at Brigham Young U. in Utah seems to have found a way to attack the obesity crisis. Apparently, showing pictures of food to people makes it less enjoyable to eat by causing sensory boredom. So bombarding fatties with images of every type of food under the Sun could be the key to reducing them to a reasonable size and saving the poor old taxpayer a whole lot of cash.
O'Bummer under close observation
China, which holds an unlucky $1,300 BILLION in US Treasury junk bonds, is leaning menacingly over the shoulder of the O'Bummer regime. America's biggest creditor has warning that if the Yanks attempt to default on debt repayments, the country will be full of Chinese repo men before the good ol' boys in Congress can lift another drink.
Whatever floats your boat!
Miranda Krestovnikoff, the new president of the RSPB, has a somewhat unusual hobby – collecting roadkill and coming up with recipes for turning it into tasty snacks.
You're in good company
If you're one of those people who avoids self-service tills at supermarkets because you don't want all the hassle of learning the system, take heart. Lots of shoppers, especially casual ones, are finding that it's a whole lot faster and less stressful to have your purchases processed by a real person. Which is also good news for the people who are employed to man/woman the scanner/till stations.
Standards head for bog, and below, in a silence
The thing about consumer standards is that if no one says anything when they slip, a cavalier attitude becomes the norm and things go to hell very quickly. Which explains why 44 of 161 NHS Trusts in England are high-risk and failing to offer patients safe care. It's all thanks to New Labour's culture of putting targets before patient safety and the parallel cover-up culture.
The future of post-death management
Jersey's Planning and Environment minister had come up with a solution to over-crowded cemeteries. He proposes freeze-drying bodies with liquid nitrogen, then shaking them to pulverize the remains, as a more environmentally friendly alternative to cremation. He offers no cost comparisons, however, between manufacturing and storing liquid nitrogen, and safety protocols when it is used, versus cremation using natural gas.
Any old excuse for not doing the job he's paid for
The US system of government is in a state of collapse, so what is President O’Bummer doing about it? Not a lot. He's too busy climbing on a bandwagon and moaning that "Redskins", the name of Washington's NFL team, is offensive.
That's the EU for you
Since 1998, the Euro court of 'uman bluddy rights has handed £5 MILLION of taxpayers' cash to killers, terrorists and the worst criminal scum and parasites ever to inhabit a gaol cell. And it's all being done by people with no judicial experience and few, if any, legal qualifications of any sort.
The EU is spending British aid money on puppet shows in the People's Dictatorship of Belarus. Over £1 MILLION has been spent on similar frivolities.
 Ancient history, belongs in the dustbin
Do we care that the Bush regime hacked Angular Merkel's phone in 2006, according to theGrauniad's supergrass? The French do it. So do the Chinese, and it's a major industry for the Russians. In fact, every country with the technology bugs other regimes. So why not the Yanks? And you can be sure the Germans aren't left out, so crocodile tears impress no one, Angular.
We are the best of mates – Official!
Dave the Leader wishes it to be known that he and his family are great pals with Larry, the official Downing Street moggy, who was billeted there in 2011. The allegations of discord were made as padding in some Fleet Street hack's new book.
Substitute
E. Milibandit, who was hob-nobbing with the New Labour sleaze merchants and on best-mates terms with the Thatcher trolls, is now trying to pass himself off as E. Milibandit, pathetic victim of a Daily Mail exposé of his caviar commie dad. Doesn't really work, Ed.
p.s. Why didn't Milibandit Sr. go and become a refugee in the Soviet Union during the Thatcher years? Or was he enjoying too much freedom of expression and freedom of thought in the country which gave him the hump so badly to give them up?
Just another scam
UKIP MEP G. Batten has researched the subject thoroughly and found that there is not one single documented case in British legal history of a person being prosecuted for TV licence fee evasion on evidence from a detector van. And he has forced the BBC to admit that its "detector vans" are just a propaganda tool, and any money spent of them is a total waste. Rather than being able to spot TVs and detect what was being watched, the vehicles are just vans with fancy aerials connected to . . . nothing.
Surprise!
An American academic has just published a book claiming that all the conspiracy theories about President Kennedy's murder are hogwash and it was all down to the lone gunman Lee Oswald. In Dr. L. Sabato's opinion, the official investigations into the murder were done sloppily. They ignored witnesses and accumulated all sorts of irrelevant information, which became recognized as pertinent facts with the passage of time. Strip all that out, and it's just one guy with a rifle. But the issue of who, if anyone, put Oswald up to it remains available to future authors.
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
He's been called the Blogger of the Decade
His intellect is matched only by the size of his luck and the size of his bank balance. And yet he manages to keep his Feet On The Ground with the greatest of ease. Do yourself a favour and find out what Xavier has had to say about what's going on Right Now! |
America is closed – Official!
The Repubelicans are refusing to let Pres. O'Bummer go ahead with his healthcare plan, and he thinks it will do him good in the polls if he lets the country stop printing money and running up the deficit. As a result, "non-essential" services will stop and the people running them won't be paid – as happened in 1996, when Bill Clinton was too busy larking about with one of his interns to keep the country running..
Big bonus headed for black hole?
Selling off the Royal Mail could yield a windfall of half a billion quid from the sale of unused property in London. Good news for investors in RM shares? Not if the cash is used to fix part of the HUGE deficit in the pension fund, which was caused by Labour letting the staff fail to pay a reasonable amount for what they get.
Something that needs fixing, and quickly
The government is still following Labour's lead and chucking vast amounts of taxpayers' cash at it, but is Diversity to be celebrated? As it is just the Universe messing about, making things more complicated because it can, the answer has to be a resounding NO! Are we better off with a new and more lethal version of the flu virus every year? A whole gang of different weird religions? Dozens of different systems of government? No, of course not. We are just having our time wasted by the distraction of pointless variety. Which, come to think of it, sounds like a pretty good definition of our system of government.
Want to know why your energy bill is so high?
Thanks to the subsidies awarded to wind farms operated by the Big Six energy companies by E. Milibandit and his Liberal successors, the taxpayer had to shell out a totally unnecessary £900 MILLION last year. And as the Big Six all made a healthy profit on the base cost of their operations, that £900 MILLION was just jam for them. Thanks very much, Red Ed.
No change
Back in 2001, Lord Saatchi and P. Warburton, a City of London economist, calculated that the poorest 20% of the population pay 37% of their income in taxes, direct and indirect. In 2013, the Institute of Economic Affairs has found that nothing has changed, the government is still grabbing with taxes and handing some of the money back in benefits and the poorest 20% are still paying 37% tax.
 Lest we forget, £1 BILLION is wasted every year on "equality monitoring" – tagging on questions about sexual orientation, ethnic origin, etc. to surveys about refuse disposal, recycling, etc., thanks to New Labour.
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 Red Ed Milibandit, who is trying to cover up his part in doubling the price of energy by picking a fight with the Daily Mail, which dared to mention that his caviar commie dad was allowed to come here as a refugee and spent decades moaning because the country wasn't enough of a one-party, Stalinist, slave-owning paradise for his tastes.
Anyone who thinks Dave the Leader should know the price of supermarket bread if he makes his own. [Or his wife does.]
All caviare commies who show monstrous ingratitude to a country which gives them shelter.
A. Burnham who, when Labour health minister in 2010, tried to suppress a report on 11 failing hospitals to avoid bad PR for his party.
P. Mahoney, Britain's stooge in the Euro Court of Human Rights Stooges, who wants to give the vote to axe-murderers and terrorists.
The BBC, which gave a hugely disproportionate amount of "news" time to supporting the Boy Milipede in his squabble with the Daily Disaster.
M. Rearey, headmaster of Kingwood Prep. School, who thinks parents should be obliged to give a birthday party for their child's entire class so no one feels left out.
West Mercia police, which the IPCC has found to be incapable of doing honest coppering.
Dr. C. Gerada of the Royal College of GPs, who seems to think health tourism at the expense of the British taxpayer is a jolly good thing.
Leighton Buzzard council, which ordered a circus to take down all of its posters because some woman complained about being scared by the clowns on them.
York Police, which harassed a dwarf dressed as a copper, who was part of the entertainment at a stag do, and stole his baton and handcuffs.
 Anyone who thinks this Manchester United logo looks anything like a swastika, one of which is offered for comparison purposes. Hint: a swastika does not contain the letters "MUFC".
RMT kommissar B. Crow, who thinks the train cancellations caused by the St. Jude's Day storm were all down to "the savage cuts".
"Far queue, far queue very much!" – Frank Zappa.
The Far Queue: the traditional parking place for everything "not wanted on voyage". |
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