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 Argentine biological warfare plot foiled
An attempt to spread norovirus, a.k.a. the winter vomiting plague, around the Falkland Islands was sunk at the last minute when a "cruise liner" packed with members of the Argentine armed forces was denied permission to dock at Port Stanley.
Trumping the God card
Lord Carey, a former Archbishop of Canterbury, has lambasted the motives of the lefty bishops in the House of Frauds, who are pushing for a New Labour welfare state in which unlimited benefits are handed to the feckless and the unworthy. Strange there's no guidance on offer from the current incumbent of the job – whoever he is.
Good news? Well, not actually.
Edinburgh Zoo to lose pandas? Shock, horror!
The Chinese government hired its pandas out to Edinburgh Zoo for 10 years on the understanding that they would be in the charge of the British people. So if Scotland goes independent, a lucky zoo in England will inherit them. There's another unexpected consequence which Mr. Salmond didn't plan for.
 40-some per cent of English people want Scotland to go independent and leave the Union.
40-some per cent of Scots want to stay in the Union. So is that a draw?
18th January – Wikipedia's Day Off-line (sort off, if you didn't know how to work around it) in protest against ill-considered legislation going through the US Congress – allegedly to stop piracy but in reality an attempt to control what can appear on the internet and censor stuff which the US doesn't like.
Politics Explained
Devo Max : Scotland is made financially independent decision-makingwise but if Mr. Salmond does a Gordon Broon and spends his country into bankruptcy then English, Irish and Welsh taxpayers will have to bail the Scots out.
 Definitely, the sickly man (and woman) of Europe
A study of insurance claims for whiplash injuries has shown that English & Welsh drivers have the weakest necks in Europe. A spokesperson for the Labour party blamed the government's NHS cuts rather than New Labour's policy of encouraging ambulance-chasing lawyers, who don't get the same degree of encouragement in Scotland.
More business for zoos!
The NHS has started asking zoos for access to scanners built for elephants and other large animals because some of the customers are too huge to fit inside scanners built for normal humans. Apparently, this happens all the time in the United States, home of the enormous burger-bugger.
Natural Selection in Action!
A study in the USA has found that the accident and death rate for people who swan around in headphones and ignore the rest of the world, on foot or on a bicycle, has tripled in the last 6 hears.
Doctors are threatening to go on strike if they have to pay for their pensions.
 As if Gordon Broon's spending spree wasn't enough . . .
The government's decision to back the HS2 high-speed train link from London to Birmingham will cost every household in the land £2,000. And that's only if the project is brought in to the target price of £33,000,000,000, which won't happen. Something else that won't happen is that the country will ever recover the cost of building this latest white elephant, which is out of the same box as Concorde and the Channel Tunnel. Worse, when it's running, no one who isn't on expenses funded by the taxpayer, like MPs and their staff, or a millionaire will be able to afford a ticket on the new wonder-train.
The worst excuse of the century?
Captain "Coward" Schettino of the sunken cruise ship Costa Concordia didn't mean to abandon ship before his passengers had the chance to. He accidentally fell into a lifeboat and had no choice about going ashore. Where he accidentally fell into a taxi heading inland.
p.s. Capt. Schettino will have to change his name as he had proved he's not a little Schett, he's a great big one. (Note: perform with a South Efrican accent.)
 A plan devised by idiots and enforced by more of the same
The EU has ordered members to increase electricity production from "renewables" to cut carbon dioxide emissions in the mistaken belief that this will save the planet from an awful fate. The EU's focus is on wind power, but wind power, backed up by conventional power stations for when there's no or too much wind, produces more carbon dioxide than just running gas-turbine power stations all the time.
Sez who? The Civitas think tank using this government's own figures.
 What does accuracy have to do with it?
Met Office staff have been awarded huge bonuses for failure in line with inherited New Labour practices. Last year's awards were up by 30% on 2010 levels in spite of the failure to warn the country that the winter of 2010/11 would be the coldest in living memory (apart from 1947's).
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An Olympic class excuse?
The management of King's College, Cambridge, has come up with a novel reason why their exam results were so crap this year. Apparently, their "students" were too busy protesting against the size of the university's tuition fees to do any studying.
Eyes on you!
Ten of the biggest shopping malls in Britain have deployed stealth tracking technology to follow people via their mobile phones. The reason given is to find out which shops and services are of most interest and use to shoppers. The next logical step is either to evict traders who don't bring in enough business or charge the popular shops more rent and force them to put their prices up.
Something else to thank Tony B. Liar & Gordie Broon for . . .
New Labour's policy of mass immigration to bolster its vote put 160,000 British citizens out of a job between 2005 and 2010. The Liberals in the Coalition are reported to be eager to continue the good work.
Bad hat award
MPs, who know a thing or two about disgraceful conduct in office, are agitating for Fred the Shred, who wrecked the Royal Bank of Scotland then strolled into the sunset with a huge pay-off, to be stripped of the knighthood for "services to banking", which he got on the recommendation of G. Broon, the sacked prime monster who landed the British economy in its present mess.
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 Another reason for saying, "To hell with the EU!"
British farmers face unfair competition from France, where farmers are allowed to continue to use their "barren battery cages" for egg production without fear of prosecution by the Sarkozy regime. Battery cages became illegal to use under EU rules at the start of this year, and British farmers have adopted a more expensive system which gives hens more room to manoeuvre.
Totally unwanted!
The euro is in such deep trouble that everyone, but everyone is getting out of it. And that includes big stores like Sainsbury's and Lidl, which have junked euro chocolate coins in favour of good old reliable sterling. Lidl, in particular, seems to have done quite well out of the switch.
 Grab warning!
The European Commission is trying to make things harmonious again. And that means abolishing our reduced VAT rates, including zero rating on food, books & newspapers and children's clothing. The EU's position is that SOME of the stolen cash can be returned by reducing other taxes, like income tax. So that's money wasted on collecting the extra VAT, money wasted on changing the existing tax structure and money wasted on giving only SOME of the extra VAT back. Bureaucracy for the sake of it and lots of cash wasted – which is what the European Union is all about.
Talk big out of office, do nothing in office?
"We must tackle abuse of the tax system. For those who employ the right accountant, the tax system is a haven of scams."
Antonio B. Liar, 1994, going for the Labour party leadership
Income, £12 million, tax paid on it, £315,000
Antonio B. Liar's accounts, 2011, after a decade as prime monster
U-Turn
Virgin Bank has decided not to charge customers £5/month for a current account with what was the failed Northern Rock bank after prolonged howls of protest. But anyone who is willing to pay for a current account will be offered the usual range of fairly worthless perks.
Bad News : Britain's official national debt has hit £1 TRILLION.
Worse News : It has been over a trillion quid for years thanks to G. Broon's tactic of hiding debt, like PFI projects and the infrastructure of the railways, off the books so that he could lie about the state of the economy.
• Adding on the cash handed to the bailed-out banks, the trillion becomes £2,300,000,000,000.
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