Black Flag News Solutions
 
 2011/July 
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No. 10 Certificate of EndorsementThe content of BFN meets New Labour's standards of accuracy and veracity, and our content is as reliable as a Liberal party election manifesto—guaranteed!

travel
 TRAVEL NEWS 


road signJust a thought . . .
but if unreliable electrics cause 25% of car breakdowns now, then it's going to be a boom time for tow-truck operators when all cars have to be all-electric thanks to a government which has fallen for the Great Global Warming Swindle.

It's all over now . . .
Atlantis: the last landing

How come NASA decided to oblige the space shuttle Atlantis to sneak home from the programme's last ever mission like a thief in the night? Could it be that the Agency is ashamed of its failure to have a replacement launch system available? Or embarrassed at not having much of a role any more now it's out of the space business?

Romiley News
 ROMILEY NEWS 

Well, who'd have thunk it!
Romiley residents can sleep more easily knowing they won't be murdered in their beds. Stockport is now so crime free that the honcho of Greater Manchester Police feels able to close all of the police stations in the area to save money and protect perks.

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 WILDLIFE  NEWS 

Broon WhingerAttention all Twitchers
MPs have reported a rare sighting of the Broon Whinger in the Palace of Westmonster. This currently reclusive creature is noted for wrecking things (like Britain's gold reserves, the economy and the banking system), running away when the going gets tough and moaning that nobody likes him and the whole world has got it in for him. His latest appearance is thought to have been a curmudgeonly appeal for sympathy, which went badly wrong.

road signNo shame, no blame
So half the Murdoch bosses have resigned over a spot of phone hacking? If the Bliar era in the civil service and quango territory is any guide, what will happen is that they'll all get a HUGE payoff, they'll go on holiday for a while and they'll be slotted into another top job and it will be business as usual when the usual suspects find something else to moan about.

road signDid anyone miss them?
BBC journalists have shot themselves in the foot. They went on strike on St. Swithen's Day and viewers found themselves exposed to shorter news bulletins which gave them the information they needed without frills – and the viewers decided that they preferred it. So that's a bit more dead wood that the Lord Controller can chop out of the Beeb.

road signThe scum bites back!
It would appear that Parliament was eager to go one step beyond in its ritual humiliation of Rupert Murdoch – hence the minor comedian with the shaving cream pie being allowed to stroll through the total lack of security at the Palace of Westminster with intent to commit common assault.

road signMistake versus Error
Will the Milibandit saying that Dave the Leader made some bad decisions over hiring a spin doctor from the News of the World make Eddie Baby look good? Not as long as people remember that the wrong Milipede is a product of a bad decision by the Labour party.

space news
 SPACE NEWS 

The last shuttle launch EVERDefinitely, the last of the Mohicans
There was a little hiccup along the way when a camera failed, and the count down got stuck at 31 seconds while they made sure that the vent for the external tank was fully retracted, but the space shuttle Atlantis has made it into space.
   The shuttle beat a prediction of a 30% chance of a launch due to approaching nasty weather to make the last American controlled trip to the International Space Station for, well, half a decade? A full decade? Who knows.
   And if it makes a safe return to terra firma, the shuttle's fate will be to remain parked not far from its landing point as a reminder of what was and what won't be in the future.

 HEALTH NEWS 


road signMake yer effin mind up
Don't eat salt, the experts howled for ages. A packet of crisps could kill you. But suddenly, the experts have done a U-ey. Not eating salt won't stop a heart attack, a stroke or premature death – and it might even kill you!

road signSomething to remember next time they go on strike . . .
The Office of National Statistics has released some figures on the feather-bedding which staff in the public sector enjoy compared to the private sector. On average, public sector staff get 8% higher wages, they have a shorter working week and their gold-plated pension makes them 25-30% better off than the private sector. And they are allowed to retire 5 years earlier on that pension.

black squareWhat do you get when Dave the Leader takes his Cabinet on a junket to Derby and promises to create more jobs? 1,400 job losses. Some people need to get out more. Clearly, Dave doesn't.

road signSuddenly, life got a bit better
Eggs, butter, chocolate, salt and wine have all dropped off the banned list and they're good for you; for the moment. And drinking a bottle of red wine is as good as an exercise session at the gym. Brilliant!

road signHow do they get away with it?
The advice on the NHS Choice website that everyone needs to drink 6-8 glasses of water per day in not just nonsense, it's thoroughly debunked nonsense. Apparently, drinking water when you don't need to is bad for you, no matter what people flogging bottled water try to tell you about the constant need for hydration.

road signDoesn't it make you want to go and break something!
The words you least want to see on a PC screen are "Preparing to Configure Windows . . ." Which means that you can forget using it for ages because Windows bloody 7 is buggering about with updates again. So you might as well go and make yourself a cup of tea and a piece of toast.
   In the good old days, Windows used to give you an icon to click on to get all the updating out of the way. But Windows 7 won't let you switch your PC off because it's suddenly decided to install updates. And it won't let you use it when you switch it on again because it has to Configure Windows. And they call this progress.

signMoney down the drain!
The Milibandits were hoping that giving their man a nose job would make him sound more dynamic and deflect attention from the boring content of his speeches. But it didn't work.

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 CLIMATE  NEWS 

road signIt's all down to the Chinese
The latest climate theory is that global temperatures failed to rise during the first decade of this century, as predicted by the alarmists' computer models, because of Chinese pollution. Burning sulphur-rich coal in the army of new Chinese power stations hurled zillions of tons of sunlight-reflecting particles into the atmosphere and, so the theory goes, shielded us from global warming. But if the Chinese clean up their act, and filter out sulphur particles without doing anything about the carbon dioxide, global temperatures will shoot up like a rocket. Maybe.

black squareIt has been pointed out that the British government's policy of crippling the nation with unilateral cuts in carbon dioxide emissions by industry is rather like a marathon runner chopping one of his legs off and being surprised when no one else follows suit.

road signA clear field
The BBC is giving Global Warming Swindlers the chance to spread their propaganda unobstructed by dissenting views because the bosses of the Beeb believe the GWS propaganda line that there is a consensus in the real world that all climate change is man-made and controllable.
updateThe BBC is also going along with the consensus opinions that the Earth is flat and that the Sun and everything else revolve around the Earth.

road signSo much for politically neutral reporting
An investigation into the accuracy and impartiality of the BBC's science reporting has found that the Beeb gives excessive weight to "fringe" views in an attempt to generate false controversy and viewer interest. Which explains why BBC "science" reporters are such dedicated followers of the Great Global Warming Swindle.

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 DEPARTURES 

The News of the World, 168

This shock-horror Sunday paper used to be a best-seller, which thrilled the nation with dirty vicar stories and the sleaze of the world. It went off under the Murdoch flag and descended into serial criminality, hacking the voicemail accounts of all and sundry. Which got in the way of the Murdoch empire's ambitions to take over Sky TV. So the News of the Screws was rewarded with a bullet in the back of the neck. But all is not lost. It is expected to rise again (if not on the 3rd day) as a Sunday edition of The Scum.

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 WAR NEWS 

road signCoalition: do ye likewise!
The Dutch are talking about taking a stand against EU countries which export their unemployment, especially the Eastern Blok. Migrants who look like staying jobless with be ordered to sling their hook and welfare benefits will not be paid to those who won't learn Dutch.

road signAt least she doesn't have blood on her hands
We've had it confirmed over and over again that rank dishonesty is the Labour way. So why should the current bunch of sorry hypocrites be allowed to apply different standards to the editor of the News of the Screws? Blair, Broon and all the others involved in dragging us into an illegal war in Iraq didn't quit, so why should she?

black squareThe Murdoch organization is believed to be lobbying for an "inquiry" chaired by Lord Hutton.

road signLe Pen solves Belgian Problem
Marine Le Pen, leader of the Front National, has invited the French-speaking half of Belgium to become a Department of France as an alternative to the eternal head-butting with their Flemish-speaking neighbours. And if the residents of Flanders agree to become Dutch citizens, that's the problem solved.

black squareHow strange that hacking was a good thing when theGuardian was publishing WikiLeaks but it became a bad thing when the News of the World was found to have done it.

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world news
 WORLD NEWS 

road signFit for purpose
From what has leaked into the public domain about D. Strauss-Kahn, the sacked boss of the IMF, currently held in the United States on rape charges – which are evaporating through relentless character assassination of the plaintiff – he'd make a great French president. He's right out of the same box as J. Chirac. But you wouldn't want to be in his wife's shoes while she's doing her "loyal, supportive partner" act.

black squareIn a poll in Paris, 49% of the respondents said that they want D. Strauss-Kahn back in French politics because they feel comfortable only with dodgy characters running the country.

road signA ploy for more cash?
The FBI and the NSA are up in arms about the possibility of the Murdoch Organization tapping the phones of Americans because the Feds and the No Such Agency see that as their exclusive province and they don't want no rivals horning in on their racket. If they hope to scam some more cash for this latest imaginary outrage, they'd better hurry up as the allegations are likely to be blown away as quickly as Wee Gordie Broon's were when reality intruded.

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Crime News
 CRIME NEWS 

road signDarn 'e goes!
Lord Hanningfield has been sent to gaol for a paltry 9 months for stealing tens of thousands of pounds from the taxpayer via fraudulent expenses claims.
 • His lawyer tried to make out that whilst the disgraced lord was healthy enough to steal, he's too feeble to go to gaol.

black squareDon't the bastards ever put a hand in their own pocket? MPs are bunging in expenses claims for as little as 1p – and sticking the taxpayer with a bill for £30 for processing it.

road signA brilliant choice?
How strange that a committee run by Keith Vaz, an MP whose only claim to fame is the amount to time he's spent being investigated for sleaze, should have been chosen to grill the unrepentant top coppers, who turned a blind eye to phone hacking by minions of the Murdoch empire.

Storm Tide by Philip H. Turner   Summer Bonus   Summer Bonus   Summer Bonus

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Category : Crime, 1980s

 DOSH NEWS 


signJust another bit of New Labour's legacy
The Ministry of Defence has lost, or had stolen, stuff which cost the British taxpayer £6 BILLION. It might be in a cupboard somewhere, or it might be gone forever. Such is the slackness of the current generation of civil servants that they have no idea where the stuff is.

signTaxed to the grave and beyond
The Dilnot plan is that pensioners must pay £1.7 BILLION for their care until merciful death overcomes them. In the spirit of Gordon Broon, the government would like to make it £1.7 BILLION each.

black squareIn case anyone was wondering, the Brown Debt Mountain built up over 13 years of New Labour misrule amounts to £2,000,000,000,000 – or £78,000 for every household in the country.

sign"Don't tell him your name, Pike!"
Apparently, if you ring up the Abbey National bank and say you're Gordon Broon, or someone more in the public eye right now, they'll give you all that person's account details. How's that for bank security you can believe in?

signOut of one pocket, in another
Ofgem has fined British Gas a world record £2.5 million (about twice the boss's bonus!) for providing piss-poor customer service. So there will be another jump in the price of their gas to pay for it.

black squareWonga.com has now gone for a puppet show for its TV adverts, and it doesn't dare show the APR of its loans!! Does that mean the rate has gone up from 4,000% to 10,000%? Or are we just being paranoid?

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

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His intellect is matched only by the size of his luck and the size of his bank balance. And yet he manages to keep his Feet On The Ground with the greatest of ease. Do yourself a favour and find out what Xavier has had to say about what's going on Right Now!

Home News
 HOME NEWS 
UK Flag

 
road signThe message is all
The trade unions are hiring more spin doctors in a desperate attempt to make their strikes look bigger and better supported. The one at the end of last month failed to deliver the necessary ego boost.

road sign"It's all down to 'im!"
Nick Cleggover his getting the blame for piss-poor Liberal party performances in by elections and the party hierarchy is convinced that having him done in would turn their fortunes right round. But they daren't do it in case a ritual execution of one man doesn't work, and more removal of dead wood is necessary.

road signAlso wallowing in the gutter . . .
Buckets of indignant pops are being taken at the corpse of the News of the Screws for one reason or another. Which gives the surviving papers an excuse to point out just how tainted the moralizing Milipede and others are. And rake up again the bizarre and disgusting pasts of the sordid and gloating "celebs". It's a case of "Look at me, Ma, shooting myself in the foot!" at a time when keeping one's head down might be more appropriate.

road signAnother Labour witch hunt, another body
It's a familiar story. The Labour party goes into attack mode to deflect attention away from something shameful which its leaders have done and someone ends up dead. Last time, the shame was the lies told by Tony B. Liar and his henchmen to start an illegal war in Iraq and the target was the BBC. This time, it's the shame of Labour's attempts to ingratiate the party with the Murdoch organization and an attack-dog frenzy in revenge for being rebuffed.

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

Anyone wanting to boycott FIFA's sponsors . . .

. . . in protest against the endorsement of 4 more years of sleaze & corruption under Sepp Blatter should start by ignoring the products of: Coca Cola, Adidas, Emirates Airlines, Castrol, McDonald's, Sony, Hyundai and Budweiser, and not taking holidays in Wales and Ireland, for starters.

 SPORTS NEWS 


road signCome on, Tim!
A. Murray, Scottish tennis player, didn't win at Wimbledon. The nation is not surprised.

signNot quite as unequal as others
There's a rumour going round that the Equality Police have admitted that Christianity is just as much a religion as a belief in man-made global warming, and its followers are entitled to have their 'uman rights respected.

road signDouble standards or none at all?
How strange that the whitewash inquiry into how the Bliar regime started an illegal war in Iraq based on lies didn't take evidence on oath. How strange that Iraq weapons expert Dr. David Kelly, hounded to his death by the Bliar regime, didn't get an inquest, even though the law demands it. How strange that the inquiry into phone hacking by the News of the Screws (nobody killed) will be taking evidence on oath.

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

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Far Queue List

Far Queue symbol A. Darling, sacked chancellor, who lumbered Britain with £BILLIONs of debt to bail out Greece and the eurozone, to which Britain does not belong.

Far Queue symbol The BBC's planned 3D channel, which has been purged due to licence-payer resistance.

Far Queue symbol The over-sensitive councillors who have turned Accrington town hall into a litigation hot-spot.

Far Queue symbol The Ministry of Justice, which keeps setting rapists free so they can strike again.

Far Queue symbol The bloke who got away with speeding at 160 mph on the A14 in Suffolk in wet conditions.

Far Queue symbol Mr. Justice McCombe, who ruled that time spent on bail counts towards the 96 hours that a suspect can be held for questioning – a decision which will force the government to rush through legislation and make things infinitely worse.

Far Queue symbol The Tour de France official who screwed Mark Cavendish out of points for being British.

Far Queue symbol Yahoo!, which plans to spy on its customers' emails so that they can be bombarded with pop-up adverts matching their perceived interests.

Far Queue symbol Garrulous TV weather forecasters (and the ones not on TV).

Far Queue symbol Everyone who sucked up to the Murdoch Mob, including Tony B. Liar, Gordie Broon and their cronies.

Far Queue symbol Redward Milibandit, who's as tainted by sucking up to News International as Dave the Leader.

Far Queue symbol The General Medical Council, which fails to check that foreign doctors are fit for purpose before turning them loose to kill and molest British patients.

Far Queue symbol Unite gen. sec. D. Simpson, who railed against "obscene" pay-offs to executives of bankrupt banks then strolled into the sunset with a pay-off of his own amounting to £500,000.

Far Queue symbol Met Assistant Commish J. Yates, who is so proud of his wilful negligence in failing to investigate phone hacking by the News of the World that he bragged about it in the Sunday papers. And no, he won't be resigning under the Bliar Doctrine of no one in office ever being responsible for his/her misdeeds.
updateGuess what! Yates has been forced to resign.

Far Queue symbol E. Milibandit for using the family of murdered Milly Dowler as a political football.

Far Queue symbol All the "celebs" who drink 20 gallons of water a day, thinking it will make them wonderfully healthy.

Far Queue symbol Prof. Steve Jones (a geneticist, not a climate scientist), who was commissioned by the BBC to justify the Beeb's support for the Great Global Warming Swindle. Coupled with the other geneticists, etc., who have flocked to the same cause.

Far Queue symbol "Far queue, far queue very much!" – Frank Zappa.

The Far Queue: the traditional parking place for everything "not wanted on voyage".

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