Black Flag News Solutions
 
 2011/June 
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No. 10 Certificate of EndorsementThe content of BFN meets New Labour's standards of accuracy and veracity, and our content is as reliable as a Liberal party election manifesto—guaranteed!

 ART  NEWS 

Superhero war memorial

Comment Not Appreciated
The Russian government is seething over the rebranding of a Soviet-era triumphalist war memorial, which converted communist "liberators" into Superheroes. The monumental sculpture was erected in Sofia, the Bulgarian capital, a decade after the country was swamped by the dead tide of Communism in 1944. The Russians are still trying to pretend that they did the Bulgarian people a favour by evicting the Nazis and gifting them rule by one of the most oppressive and murderous of the Soviet satellite regimes.

 CLIMATE  NEWS 

volcanoChile doing an Iceland
A massive volcanic eruption in Chile has upset neighbours like Nicaragua, who are copping for a deluge of white dust, which makes the streets of cities look positively snowy and Christmassy, and keeps airliners on the ground and traffic buried in dust-drifts.
   Global Warming Swindlers are worried that the whole chain of South American volcanoes will go off in sympathy, which will put paid to all trading in carbon dioxide because Nature will be visibly in control of that market.

signKnocked off course a bit
The latest story from the climate scientists' union is that there is a danger that the Sun will stay switched off long enough to recreate the "Maunder Minimum", which brought about the Little Ice Age in the 18th century – frost fairs on the Thames and all that.
   But don't panic. The Global Warming Swindlers assure us that no matter what the Sun does, man-made global warming will keep us warm in our beds in winter and we need to keep shoving more and more BILLIONS into their bank accounts.

sign"Impartial, but not as we know it, Jum."
The IPCC, the United Nations' forum for Global Warming Swindlers, claims that it offers impartial and science-based advice to governments on climate change. How strange that it would choose a member of Greenpeace, another anti-nuclear, anti-human race forum for GWS, to head last month's report claiming that 80% of the world's energy requirements could be supplied by wind and solar power by 2050.

signPlanets saved while you wait
The Scottish government is setting up a Centre for Global Warming Swindlers in Edinburgh. Opening in 2013, its mission will be to advise businesses on ways to make money out of low-carbon products, and how they can worm cash out of English taxpayers in the name of saving the planet from invented perils.

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 TRAVEL NEWS 


signTraffic-jam town
Aberystwyth has become a traffic warden-free zone. The police used to provide this essential revenue-generating service, then the council gave the private sector a try. It has now sacked everyone involved in the supply of private wardenage to save money for providing perks for councillors and staff, and as a result, motorists are parking anywhere and everywhere and causing chaos because they know they can get away with it.

signEveryone gets some
Ash clouds from the volcanic eruption in Chile are causing cancellations of flights into and out of New Zealand, Tasmania and Eastern Australia.

 SCIENCE NEWS 


signWarp drive getting closer!
Scientists at CERN in Switzerland are doing better and better with antimatter. Last year, they were making anti-hydrogen by the tens of atoms and containing it for less than 200 milliseconds. This year, they're churning out hundreds of anti-atoms and keeping them contained for up to 1,000 seconds. Not quite up to starship standards, but getting there.

signFancy discarded in favour of fact
The New Labour policy of teaching "issues", like anthropogenic global warming, instead of facts should be booted out of the curriculum for schools, the government has been told. Along with all the fancy aspirations and other Labour propaganda stuffed in at the expense of useful and "real world" knowledge.

signFancy that!
Watching TV for more than 2 hours per day can lead to an early death, boffins @ Harvard University would have us believe. It that's true, the entire production staff of BFN, and their correspondents, should all have croaked years ago!

Crime News
 CRIME NEWS 

signEven softer on crime than New Labour
The worst criminals will have their sentences cut in half if they plead guilty under K. Clarke's "B nice to crims" policy @ the Ministry of Injustice. Which is rather the opposite of what the Tories promised to do if elected.

signOpen House
The House of Common Criminals is enjoying a crime wave, and it's not just the MPs who are at it. Security is so porous that anyone can wander in and wander out again with anything not nailed down. Notebook computers are one of the favourite targets.

signSpot the criminal
A solicitor working for Water UK has tried to silence a small weather forecasting company based in Wales on the grounds that its forecast of a drought to come and hosepipe bans [which has turned out to be accurate] might cause water company share prices to drop in price.
 • BFN has been advised that this could constitute attempted restraint of trade, which is a criminal offence under EU rules.

sign"Effin' Plod!"
Guess what? It's no longer an arrestable offence to swear at a copper. Sez who? The boss of the Metropolitan police. Is this the death of Bliarism?

signNice racket (and we ain't talking tennis)
The police are running a wonderful scam with garages and breakdown firms. When there's an accident, a copper calls the preferred local tow truck provider and the vehicle vanishes. Then the local police force gets a £25 "referral fee" and the motorist is held to ransom for towage and storage charges.
   Meanwhile, the police, the garage/tow truck outfit and the motorist's insurance company all sell the motorist's details to a "no win, no fee" gang of ambulance chasers in breach of the Data Protection Act and motoring insurance premiums soar even higher.

 LANGUAGE NEWS 


signFIFA-speak extended
Word of the Month: blattern (German, verb) to be ignorant and arrogant and complacent about sleaze and corruption.
 • The verb is also found in a reflexive form, sich blattern, "to turn a blind eye to", e.g. Ich blattere mich über Bestechung = I turn a blind eye to corruption.

signPolitician with gob open? Must be lying!
E.'s Balls + Milibandit deny plotting with G. Broon to depose A.B. Liar after the 2005 general election (something which was never going to happen because of Broon's control-freak intransigence). They also deny helping Broon to destroy the British economy with reckless and wasteful spending and sending the country into recession – the nation has never been wealthier and healthier, they say. They also deny that immigration went out of control under New Labour; and that they are both good and decent people (Ooops!). And Balls also denies that he is plotting to replace the useless Milibandit (Ooops! Ooops!).

signCloth-ears rides again
"Curinail can kill the buggers*. Surely it's better to have Curinail than Criminail?"
* fungus.

 DOSH NEWS 


signDouble bubble
Wonga.com used to have an APR of a modest 2,000% last year. That seems to have doubled to an ASTOUNDING 4,214% APR in the latest TV ads. No wonder the outfit is being called "Loan Sharks R Us".

signBut it's only fair . . .
Oxfam is trying to stir up trouble by moaning that at least 75% of US food aid cash has to be spent at US companies. But if American taxpayers are having money extracted from them, it's only fair that it should be spent to the advantage of the US economy. And 100% of the same should apply to the British aid, which Dave the Leader seems to be so eager to hand out to every passing despot to buy himself temporary popularity.

signThe Enterprise Chancellor?
"Rock for sale as Osborne plots new City deal" was the eye-catching headline in theGrauniad. But what did it mean? Nationalized banks will be selling Blackpool and Edinburgh rock at their branches to make a few bob for the taxpayer? Brilliant idea!

signWotta lotta lolly!
Prince Charles paid £4.4 million in income tax last year – which means that only people who paid MORE are entitled to moan about him. Which rules out the miserable scumbag reporters at the Daily Disaster for a start!

 WAR NEWS 

black squareThe lawyers for Serbian war crimes suspect Radko Mladic are lobbying strenuously for a trial and automatic acquittal by FIFA's ethics committee.

signHow annoying!
The Iranian Resistance Movement has found a new way to upset the illegitimate DinnerJacket regime. People just flock into the capital city and walk around on the pavements, not protesting about the rigged presidential elections 2 years ago.
   The police can see that the city contains a lot more people than normal, but here are no obvious targets for them so they just attack people at random and make arrests without just cause. Which really upsets supporters of the regime because they are indistinguishable from the IRM non-protesters and just as liable to be assaulted by frustrated riot police.

The European Union, better out than inThey've got their hands out again
The European Commission should be told to do something about the 10% of the EU budget, which is stolen by criminals and corrupt officials, and also wasted by useless officials, if it wants its unjustified and undeserved 10% pay rise.

signUnnamed Peril
A "national state" has been cyber-attacking the International Monetary Fund's computers in an attempt to steal data, but no one is blaming the Chinese.

Home News
 HOME NEWS 
UK Flag

 
signSerial soft touch
Successive governments have given 160,000 bogus asylum seekers a free pass over the last 5 years; most of them, naturally, got their licence to enjoy the taxpayer's hospitality under New Labour.

signIs this just another desperate bid for attention?
The Archybish of Cantab has announced that his Church of England is for Labour supporters only. From now on, Tories and Liberals will have to find another religion provider because their policies give his Bishness the hump.

signThree short planks, not two?
The staff sent by the BBC to its new Salford offices are so thick that they have to be taught how to use the furniture by a local "chair champion", who has to explain to them the 'elf 'n' nazi implications of sitting down. The exiles also have to be taught how to catch a bus or tram to work.

black squareSo Milibandit Labour is the party of grifters? But we knew that already.

signLess harm, no foul
The unions are moaning that the government is making plans to neutralize their strikes by using managers and agency staff. But where does it say in the rules that wreckers get a free hand when there isn't a Labour government?

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

Anyone wanting to boycott FIFA's sponsors . . .

. . . in protest against the endorsement of 4 more years of sleaze & corruption under Sepp Blatter should start by ignoring the products of: Coca Cola, Adidas, Emirates Airlines, Castrol, McDonald's, Sony, Hyundai and Budweiser, and not taking holidays in Wales and Ireland, for starters.

 SPORTS NEWS 


signThe New Labour mentality in action?
Would it be possible to come up with a dafter way to sell Olympics tickets? People promise to pay the inflated prices but they have no idea which event, which day or which anything will apply to their ticket. So someone wanting to watch cycling is liable to end up with tickets for a swimming event. And, of course, the British Public, who contributed £12,000,000,000 to the whole thing, get the leftovers after corporate sponsors, who contributed one lousy billion, have dipped their beaks.

signBought & paid for
Having stumped up its $40 million, Bahrain is determined to have a Formula One Grand Prix this year. Even if it means keeping the stands empty to make sure that no trouble-making "democracy activists" gain access to the stadium.
updateSurprise! There has been a lot of shuffling of feet, and the teams have decided that they don't want the F1 season extended practically into the following year, so Bahrain is off and the sheikhs will get their money back. Most of it.

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

He's been called the Blogger of the Decade

His intellect is matched only by the size of his luck and the size of his bank balance. And yet he manages to keep his Feet On The Ground with the greatest of ease. Do yourself a favour and find out what Xavier has had to say about what's going on Right Now!

space news
 SPACE NEWS 

The last landing of the space shuttle EndeavourOne very last time
The space shuttle named after Inspector Morse made it safely back to Earth after completing its 25th and final flight into space; a 16-day service mission to the International Space Station to deliver the Alpha Magnetic Spectrometer and assorted spare parts.
   The landing took place at 2:35 a.m. at Kennedy Space Centre in Florida as an essay in making life difficult for everyone concerned.
   The shuttle's next stop is a museum.

world news
 WORLD NEWS 


The European Union, better out than inIt's only taxpayers' money
The European Union's 'Uman Rights Fund is blowing £17 million per year (that's £2 million from British taxpayers) on sending people to lecture the Americans and spread left-wing propaganda in The Land of the Free.

signYellow Peril
Google & Yahoo have been targetted by identity theft raids from China. The phishing of email accounts belonging to US and South Korean government officials, and Chinese dissenters, doesn't look like something done for financial gain, and it has the fingerprints of a state-sponsored attack.
 • The Pentagon has decided that cyber attacks amount to acts of war worthy of a missile or two in response.

signNo govt. is good govt.?
In Belgium, the political parties are still unable to stitch together a coalition after a whole year of a caretaker government. The problem is that the country was cobbled together in the first place and it has 2 separate national groups, one speaking French and the other Flemish. And they want their own, separate countries, thank you very much.

signOff to cause havoc elsewhere?
Scroungers protesting about cuts made necessary by the Spanish government's fiscal shenanigans have abandoned a square in Madrid after a 3-week occupation. The operation to clean up their mess is expected to take at least a month . . .

The European Union, better out than inWhat about our effin' rights, you bastards?
The Euro Court of 'Uman Rights has ruled that foreign criminals can do anything they like here and they can't be deported because it would breach their 'uman effin' rights. So that's something else we have to thank Tony B. Liar and New Labour for.

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

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Far Queue List

Far Queue symbol The 186 FIFA stooges who re-elected Sepp Blatter and, naturally, Mr. Blatter himself.

Far Queue symbol U.S. private equity firm Blackstone, which asset-stripped the Southern Cross British care home business.

Far Queue symbol Former Blair minion Baroness Morgan, a director of Southern Cross and House of Lords expenses shark.

Far Queue symbol The attorney general, D. Grieve, has ruled that he doesn't want a proper inquest into the death of Iraq weapons expert Dr. D. Kelly because he doesn't want to disturb the cosy stitch-up for the Bliar regime provided by Lord Hutton.

Far Queue symbol E. Balls, who has been exposed as a Brown plotter against sacked prime monster A.B. Liar, which makes rather a mockery of his protestations of innocence. [But hey, he's a politician so he's not obliged to tell the truth, the whole truth or anything like the truth. Ed.]
updateThe Balls also lives in his own little world, where he didn't help to create a massive budget deficit and it would be okay to cut £51 BILLION off VAT to buy him some popularity.

Far Queue symbol M. Offord, MP, who thinks he has a 'uman right to take his dog to work @ the Palace of Westmonster.

Far Queue symbol AQA, the country's biggest exam board, which sets GCSE papers which are full of blunders, omissions and repetition.

Far Queue symbol The OCR exam board for the same offence.

Far Queue symbol C. Blower, leader of the National Union of Teachers, who doesn't have to go on strike like her members because she got a pay rise of 10.4% with a big bung to her pension fund.

Far Queue symbol Andy bloody Murray with his gob wide open at Wimbledon again.

Far Queue symbol The entire population of Greece, especially the ones who pay no taxes, the ones who take bribes and the ones who retire practically as soon as they're out of their pram.

Far Queue symbol "Far queue, far queue very much!" – Frank Zappa.

The Far Queue: the traditional parking place for everything "not wanted on voyage".

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