Black Flag News Solutions
 
 2011/April 
  final
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No. 10 Certificate of EndorsementThe content of BFN meets New Labour's standards of accuracy and veracity, and our content is as reliable as a Liberal party election manifesto—guaranteed!

 BBC NEWS 


voyThe Beeb biased? How can that be?
How curious that the BBC gives air time to the "Yes to AV" and the "No to AV" campaigns in proportion to their complexity. Thus the "No" gang are lucky if they get a bare mention while the "Yes" gang get long explanations and clips of interviews with resident BBC lefties.

 CLIMATE  NEWS 

climate change sloganAnother bog-up
Shock, horror! The Global Warming Swindlers are having to contend with the news that, according to the rules of their own scam, using allegedly eco-friendly biofuels is causing climate change rather than stopping it!! Chopping down trees in forests and jungles, and ploughing up the land to plant biofuel crops, shoves more carbon dioxide into the atmosphere than it saves. The policy also puts endangered species in even more danger of extinction and causes food shortages by diverting agricultural land away from growing food to growing heavily subsidized biofuels.

climate change sloganHaving it both ways
Global warming is getting the blame for the tornadoes, which have given America's Bible Belt it's biggest fright for 85 years. Curiously, back in 1975, a plague of tornadoes the previous year was being cited as evidence of global cooling and the Earth heading into the next Ice Age. Go figure!

Crime News
 CRIME NEWS 

voyMore dirty tricks from the government
When the new "universal state pension" is introduced in 2015, only new pensioners will get the benefit of it. Which means that existing pensioners, some of whom have made national insurance contributions for 48 years, will be screwed by the Coalition. What nice guys they are!

voyNot a problem in the real world
The government is "thinking" about creating a new offence of causing death by dangerous cycling because Lycra Louts "can be charged only under an act dating back to 1861". Which is utter cobblers. Killing someone by riding a bike into them is either murder or manslaughter. So the police and the Can't Prosecute Service should be told to get their respective asses into gear and get biking killers put in gaol, instead of inconvenienced with a paltry fine, for depriving someone of their life.

voyMore Non-Job Creation
The Multiculturalist community is trying to force people who can't read English onto juries from political motives. With people who can't speak the language to follow if they get away with it. Which should lead to a lot more appeals on the grounds of a mistrial and lots more taxpayers' cash going into the pockets of the legal profession and the Multiculturalist community.

 DEPARTURES 

Craig Thomas, writer, 68

His novel Firefox (1977) was made into a film starring Clint Eastwood, and that was enough to turn him into an author who got book club sales & sales & sales at a time when they were booming. He created a string of very readable, and re-readable, books in the adventure & thriller with military overtones class, and there will be a lot more re-reading as his fans remember him.
[The film got an outing on Five USA a couple of weeks after the author's death. Ed.]

 DEPARTURES 

Marianne Elliot-Said a.k.a. Poly Styrene, punk performer, 53

The Punk era is billed as a reaction to the huge stage shows of bands like Yes from people who felt unlimited by a lack of musical ability. Poly Styrene's band X-Ray Specs could make a loud noise with the rest of them and deliver the obligatory rants about opting out of a broken society. Ms Styrene enjoyed a few years in the spotlight then retired, exhausted. She returned to the business in the 1990s and continued on into the 2000s, but the great leveller, cancer, brought her resurgence to a close.

Red Dreams by Romiley Literary Circle authorsComing Soon

Red Dreams by Romiley Literary Circle authors

"If you're looking for Bizarre, Macabre, and Downright Horrible with a Couple of Laughs thrown in, This is the Book for You!"

"Thirteen tales to knock your socks off and send you running for cover!"

Vintage : 1975-2008 / Category: Horror

Another winner from Farrago Books

 DOSH NEWS 


voyIt's all under control
Ex-pres Mubarak of Egypt has a great tactic for getting out of awkward questions about money which disappeared during his reign. He has a heart attack and disappears off to hospital when the quizzing gets too close to home. Problem solved.
updateThe cunning Egyptian authorities have a solution to the Mubarak heart-attack scam. He's now under arrest in his hospital bed. Problem unsolved.

voyGood News!
Your ISA allowance has been increased.
BAD NEWS: The banks pay crap interest rates on ISAs.

voyA world gone mad?
Why would anyone in their right mind think that G. Broon, the man who tipped Britain into bankruptcy, is a suitable candidate to be in charge of the International Monetary Fund?
 • According to Broon, everyone else is to blame for blowing Britain's reserves and plunging the country into debt which will take a generation to pay off.

voyJunk politics, junk status
The credit rating of the United States is heading for junk status alongside Ireland's, as the guys at Standard and Poor's take a dim view of Pres. O'Bummer's Brownish attempts to spend his way out of a recession and drive his country deeper into debt.
BTW, what a miserable name for a credit rating agency. Surely someone could have thought of Superior & Megarich's when they were setting it up?
[Maybe it's something with having to deal with bog-standard and piss-poor customers. Ed.]

voyThe latest cash demand from an MP – a taxpayer-funded nose job for Redward Milipede.

voyStatus of a sort
G. Broon, robbed of the chance to be boss of the IMF, has settled for an unpaid job at the World Economic Forum as a "strategy co-ordinator". He sees his job as stopping the next financial crisis from happening. Which will probably involve the WEF getting advice from Gordie, the man who caused the last financial crisis, and doing the opposite.
 • No salary but there's a "staffing" allowance of £750K, so Gordie can always employ himself as a cleaner on a massive wedge of cash.

voyNot me, Guv.
The NHS is supposed to be short of money but there seems to be MILLIONs available for flash cars and junkets for the bureaucrats of Strategic Health Authorities. So taxpayers' cash can't be in that short supply.

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 HEALTH NEWS 


voyGesornenplan Appelvort!
Secret experiments by the US army are being blamed for outbreaks of gibberish from US and Canadian TV presenters. Could it be that the British army is testing its own version of the weapon right next to the Palace of Westmonster?

voyPlease press the "incredible" button once more!
Doing housework makes people depressed, is the latest conclusion from the "No shit, Sherlock" Academy of Wasting of Time with Pointless Research Projects. And, apparently, living somewhere extra clean also depresses the immune system.

Home News
 HOME NEWS 
UK Flag

voySpot the joke
Town where hens ruled the roost
Seaside town's £39,000 job . . . running beach trips for locals
Minister: Feminism widened poverty gap
At last, Balls stops denying Labour's deficit
Doing a bit of forward planning, Kate? [Kate Middleton checks out baby clothes]
Men with a pot belly 'more likely to go blind'

One of these was the Daily Wail's April Fool. Guess which!

voyBy their friends shall ye kno it!
Why do we know is AV is such a bad idea? The wrong Milipede, "Clueless" Clegg, Eddie Izzard, Stephen Fry, et al think it's a brilliant idea. And AV gave us Call Me Dave and Redward "The Wrong" Milipede as party leaders!
updateThe "Say YES to AV" campaign is in trouble for substituting Tony Robinson for a black Rastafarian poet on leaflets distributed outside London. But 'appen they just thought that people would be more likely to recognize Tone as a supporter even if they didn't bother to read the leaflet.
p.s. AV is "a miserable little compromise", said N. Clegg in April 2010.
updateWell! Who'd have thunk it! Politicians lying!
Surprise! The "Yes to AV" gang's response to losing the argument has been to accuse everyone else of lying. Now, they've been caught out in a HUGE lie of their own. Lots of the celebs alleged to have embraced the cause are saying they did no such thing, and it would appear the "Yes" campaign is built on lies.

voyHands wrung while you wait
The Usual Suspects are all steamed up over weapons sales made by successive governments to poisonous foreign regimes. What the Suspects don't seem to realize is that we need the money after 13 years of Labour's wasteful spending and if the bad guys didn't get the stuff from us, they'd get it from the Russians, the Chinese, the French, the Americans . . . Who don't need the cash as much as we do.

voyGoing both ways from the same starting point
I.D. Smiff, the work & pensions sec., would have us believe that most people want to work past 65 if they're going to live longer. Saga, on the other hand, reckons most people want to retire as soon as they can after 50. They can't both be right.

voyScruffbag obliged to smarten up
Call Me Dave is having to wear tails to go to the Royal Weeding. Wouldn't it be kinder for Her Maj. to cancel his invitation to spare the poor sod the embarrassment?
[Wouldn't it be great if he turned up in a fluorescent pink crocodile tail and pleaded a cock up at the outfitter's? Ed.]

voyPlods in Wimbledon had to call out the duty doctor to get a "life extinct" ruling on a headless corpse, which they hauled from the river Wandle. That sort of decision, apparently, is above their pay grade.

voyThe Ed Milly Band is in line for The Worst Orchestra of 2011 award.

voyThe worst political slogan of the decade is the "Yes to AV" campaign's notion that "AV will make MPs work harder". The public are just not buying it.

 NON-NEWS NEWS 


voyWe knew, we knew
The BBC (well, one of its news executives) has admitted that sending reporters to stand outside buildings or on motorway bridges, somewhere near the scene of a news story, is a total waste of licence-payers' money.

voySo what?
A bloke who was in some soap opera or other, which we never watched, has been charged with murder.

voyIt's the way the world works
Tony B. Liar pretending he can bring peace to the Middle East, Gordie "Broon Hole in the Economy" Broon pretending he's a serious candidate for the boss of the International Monetary Fund. What next? G.W. Bush running for head of the US space programme?

 TRAVEL NEWS 


trainBare-faced or else!

Wearing a face-concealing mask, such as a Moslem head dress, is now illegal in France and perpetrators face a spot fine for doing it. They also face derision from outraged French citizens and possible forceful unmasking by an angry mob. Hoodies are a grey area.

The EU, better out than inThey're at it again, the Euroswindlers
The EU is planning to slap a bogus green tax of 1.5/litre on diesel fuel, and almost as much on petrol and jet fuel, in the name of saving the planet – something which the EU is incapable of delivering. But hey, that's never stopped crooked politicians in the past.

voyPlease press the "incredible" button
A fag end tossed from a passing car set fire to a scrapyard and it conflagration spread to a vast fuel dump under the M1, and caused a fire which totally wrecked an elevated section of the motorway? They had to be totally desperate for an explanation to come up with that!
updateThe current, and better, theory is that someone was arson around under the motorway.

voyThe spy in your pocket
Got an Apple mobile phone? Did you know that it's bugging you? The phone's operating system keeps a permanent record of wherever the user has been, and copies it to the user's PC during synchronization operations. So it's not a good idea for "celebs" and others who visit dodgy places to have an iphone. Not with so many spies and hackers around! updateApple would like its customers to believe that it is bugging them and tracking where they go due to a bug in its mobile phone operating system, which will be fixed eventually. Well, that sounds likely.

voyOh, dear!
The French, who have been demanding no internal borders in Europe, have suddenly realized that it's a bad idea. Mainly because a flood of French-speaking Tunisians is washing into their country via the open border with Italia to get away from the revolution in Tunisia, a former French colony.

world news
 WORLD NEWS 


voyNice to see they've got their priorities right
Councils in Scotland are putting speed bumps on roads which are impossible to speed on due to continuous strings of potholes. And they say the Scots are supposed to have some common sense.

voyThe price of more of the same
Pres O'Bummer is hoping people will give him one billion bucks to buy a second term. That's one hell of a lot of influence-peddling!

voyThanks a bunch, Dave
Our fearless leader, who is a totally dozy dunce when it comes to history, has given Pakistan £950 million to educate terrorists. So that's filling the Brown Hole in the economy put on hold for a while longer.

voyDirty deal not bought
The African Union (bought and paid for by M. Gaddaffiy) is hurt by the rejection of a peace deal for Libya which would have let the blessed leader continue to posture and plunder.

voySick, or what!
Some headbanger is going to put a bottle of blood (+ anticoagulant) from Pope John-Paul II on display at the Vatican as part of his beautification process.

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 WAR NEWS 

voyToday's history is tomorrow's joke
We're used to seeing the Time Team building castles in the air based on a few bits of stone and pottery, so it comes as no surprise to find that it's a trait common to all archaeologists. A gang in Derbyshire have built a massacre out of 9 bodies and they've now convinced themselves that the Iron Age wasn't a peaceful Golden Age in which hill forts were for show rather than for defence. Which rather flew in the face of what we know about human nature anyway.

voyYou can relax now!
Syria is now a much safer place to be. This is the only conclusion that can be drawn from the Assad regime's decision to end a state of emergency, which has lasted an astonishing 48 years. Middle East experts are of the opinion that there was so much relief that the Baath party survived the original emergency in 1963 that no one even thought about declaring it over and everyone forgot it was there until this year.

voySurprise!
The persecuted "Christian Electrician" has been told that he can have a cross on the dashboard of his van after all. Wakefield District Housing's ban has been lifted after WDH blew a lot of taxpayers' money on some secret meetings. The decision was the sort of petty control-freak, micro-management that we have come to expect from New Labour and the jobsworths of the European Union. Is this a small sign of a drift back to sanity? [Probably not. Ed.]

voyThe current management of the Church of England has become so anti-Christian that it wants to limit the number of alleged Christians in its "faith" schools to 10% at most.

voyNo Surprise
The AV system is the sort of thing you'd get from an AV poll on what sort of electoral system to have – the winner is something that nobody wants as their first choice.

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Far Queue List

Far Queue symbol The mad mullah in Mazar-i-Sharif, who got 4 Gurkhas, a Norwegian pilot, a Swede and a Romanian, all working for the United Nations, killed by Aghan religious nutters because American religious nutters burnt a copy of the Koran sometime last month.

Far Queue symbol The trio of Appeal Court judges, who let a criminal, who was busted in possession of several knives, go free because his trial judge was "too rude" to him.

Far Queue symbol D. Cameron for talking his country down while abroad and his ignorance of his country's real history and its role in civilizing foreigners.

Far Queue symbol Local govt. sec. E. Pickles, who keeps banging on about households having a human right to have weekly bin collections but failing to force councils to do it.

Far Queue symbol Lambeth council, which is helping to pay for a celebration of the 30th anniversary of the Brixton riot (which didn't even happen in Lambeth).

Far Queue symbol The government department responsible for letting Mau Mau terrorists claim compensation from the British taxpayer without demanding reciprocal compensation from them for participating in mass murder of thousands of British and Kenyan citizens.

Far Queue symbol N Clegg for all the revolting personal details unloaded on revolting news media in an attempt to gain sympathy from an unsympathetic public.

Far Queue symbol Everyone with anything to do with the "Yes to AV" campaign, particularly the organizations hoping to make lots of dosh out of it.

Far Queue symbol C. "Windmills" Huhne, who thinks he can take Tories to court for pointing out that running an AV voting system will cost a hell of a lot more than the present system and take a lot longer to reach a conclusion.

Far Queue symbol S. Patterson, the headmistress with delusions of persecution by the Ku Klux Klan and Southwark council (yet again) for taking her seriously and joining in her personal persecution programme.

Far Queue symbol A. Marr, BBC interviewer, who exposed his own hypocrisy and super-injunction.

Far Queue symbol The Mandelsleaze for breaking Labour ranks to go "Yes to AV" out of personal animosity to Dave the Leader.

Far Queue symbol Fred "The Shred" Goodwin, the man who wrecked the Royal Bank of Scotland, and the judge who gave him a super-injunction to stop people saying he's a failed banker.

Far Queue symbol Butlins, which has banned customers riding bumper cars from bumping into one another on bogus 'elf & nazi grounds.

Far Queue symbol Wirral council, which has banned model steamboats from New Brighton boating lake because of a spurious fear that a tiny boiler might blow up and kill everyone in the park.

Far Queue symbol The Milibandits, who got their collective knickers in a twist at PMQs, especially E. "He's Talking" Balls & H. Harperson, over the appalling wasp-muncher Eagle being told to "calm down" after some strident barracking.

Far Queue symbol The clown from the Electoral Commission, who told the Sunday Post's "Honest Truth" column he didn't know how many countries use AV. If he really didn't know it's three, he deserves the sack for incompetence. And if he did know the answer to the question but he was lying, that says a lot about him and the professional standards of his organization.

Far Queue symbol theGrauniad for devoting so much of an issue to Labour whinges about Dave the Leader's "calm down" crack. Maybe the Groaner should calm down, too!

Far Queue symbol "Far queue, far queue very much!" – Frank Zappa.

The Far Queue: the traditional parking place for everything "not wanted on voyage".

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