Black Flag News Solutions
 
 2011/March 
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No. 10 Certificate of EndorsementThe content of BFN meets New Labour's standards of accuracy and veracity, and our content is as reliable as a Liberal party election manifesto—guaranteed!

 DEPARTURES 

Michael Gough, actor, 94

His more than 60-year acting career began on the stage after World War II, and he brought "mannered elegance" to a wide range of parts. His contemporary film parts began with dramas [Olivier's Richard III (1955)], British comedies [The Man In The White Suit (1951)] and wartime films [The Small Back Room (1949)], and moved on to horror [Dracula (1958), Dr. Terror's House of Horrors (1965)] and science fiction. He became Alfred, the butler, in Batman (1989). His many television roles included parts in plays by the likes of Dennis Potter and a role in Dr. Who as the Celestial toymaker.

 DEPARTURES 

Jet Harris, musician, 71

Self-taught as a bass guitarist, he became one of Cliff Richard's backing band in 1959 and suggested the name change to The Shadows. He went solo 3 years later, teamed up briefly with fellow Shadow Tony Mehan, and had to recover from a severe car crash in 1963. He reinvented himself as a photographer but still played the heritage circuit with a number of bands. He released his last album, The Journey, in 2007. Ill health prevented him from joining in the 2009 Shadows reunion tour.

 DEPARTURES 

Harry Coover, chemist, 94

His claim to fame is discovering Super Glue. He did it in 1942 but it wasn't until 1951 that he had the idea of using moisture-curing cyanoacrylate resins as the perfect adhesive. His company put the product on the market in 1958 with the brilliant name "Eastman 901". It wasn't until 1963 that American Sealants began to sell "Loktite Super Glue". Mr. Coover retired in 2004 with his name on hundreds of patents, and he was inducted into the US National Inventors' Hall of Fame in the same year.

 DEPARTURES 

H.R.F. Keating, crime writer, 84

Around half of his 50 or so novels featured the Indian police inspector Ganesh Ghote, who also appeared in short stories and adaptations of Mr. Keating's work for TV and film. Ghote was far from a great detective, but he had stickability in abundance, and that's how he got the job done. The American public failed to appreciate Mr. Keating's early novels, and he turned to an interesting hero in an exotic location to crack America. And found a long-term, and award-winning, meal ticket, whose last hurrah was in 2009.

 DEPARTURES 

Edward Stobart, haulage magnate, 56

Famous for having his name on a vast fleet of lorries, he took over his father's fleet of 8 of them in 1976. There were 2,250 lorries when he sold the haulage and warehousing firm to his brother in 2004. The firm's other claim to fame (apart from its size and ubiquity) was a fan club of truck-spotters numbering over 25,000.

 TRAVEL NEWS 


trainA reasonable excuse?

The trains in Tokio stopped running at the end of the second week in the month because of the wrong sort of earthquake, a spokesperson for JapRail has informed BFN. The earthquake was R8.9, one of the biggest ever, and the effects could have been a whole lot worse.

Crime News
 CRIME NEWS 

black flagsWeasel words
BBC "journalists" are asking how we can defend ourselves and our property in future if we don't have police officers on the streets due to the "cuts". But we don't have police officers on the streets of Romiley right now. So what will change?

brown flagsJust so you know . . .
A "reactionary" government, like the Coalition, reacts to the situation it finds, like New Labour's economic catastrophe, and tries to fix it. A "progressive" party, like Milipede Labour, ignores the mess created by its predecessors and tries to look for new problems, to which it can suggest fixes.
   And so what if history tells us that progressive Labour in power will only make a total bog of its 'solutions', find fixes for problems that don't really exist and end up making the mess even messier.

 CLIMATE  NEWS 

climate change sloganTalk about stacking the deck
The thing about the Global Warming Swindlers is that they're so damn bad at cheating. For instance, they produced a bogus survey with results "proving" that everyone in the world believes that the human race is the main cause of global warming.
   But they were daft enough to rig the survey so clumsily that the WattsUpWithThat.com website had no trouble in uncovering that everyone who might have an inconveniently contrary opinion had been excluded from the "poll".
   For further details, look HERE

black flagsFaites vos jeux
Which Global Warming Swindler will be the first to blame the earthquake off Japan, and the resultant Pacific tsunami, on carbon dioxide added to the atmosphere by the human race? BFN invites your bet.

climate change sloganYeah, right!
Blood-sucking ticks native to the Continent have been found living comfortably in Britain and climate change is being blamed. But the ticks have been found in south-west England, East Anglia and North-East SCOTLAND!!! Hello! Scotland? Doesn't that suggest that the ticks can survive in a wider range of habitat than previously suspected, the damage done by New Labour to border control is even worse than we knew and the climate change story is more Global Warming Swindler BS?

 WAR NEWS 

O'BummerWe have ways of making you talk!
The United States doesn't need to resort to old-fashioned torture methods — it just uses its caring protocols to harass people into insanity. Like Bradley Manning, the soldier accused of delivering state secrets by the ton to WikiLeaks.
   He is being held in solitary confinement and subject to checks every 5 minutes under the pretext of preventing him "harming himself". He must be getting a whole lot of sleep with the porthole of his cell slamming open and shut every 5 minutes of the day and night!

black flagsShooting from the lip?
According to the Yanks, Dave the Leader was just mouthing off about establishing a no-fly zone over Libya and it ain't gonna happen because the Yanks can't be arsed.

black flagsLots of room for another undesirable!
The obvious choice for asylum for Col. Gaddaffey seem to be England, where there is open house for terrorists in Londonistan. Scotland is also a hot favourite as they are likely to let Gaddaffey in there on compassionate grounds.

brown flagsBotched and botcheder
If the F.O. screwed up badly by getting the SAS team arrested in Libya, imagine how big a disaster there would have been if Labour had still been in charge – the party which gave us reckless spending, the destruction of private pensions and the economy, the foot & mouth shambles, the Millennium Dome, the Mandelsleaze, Tony B. Liar, Prescott and his 2 Jags . . .

brown flagsRe: The situation in Libya
The Germans have decided they are not going to be sucked into Dave the Leader's plan for war in North Africa. Maybe they're remembering what happened the last time they had totalitarian ambitions in Africa. Or it could just be that Europe is in total disarray over the Libyan question.

black flagsUp yours, mate!
The mouthpieces for the Gaddaffey regime rant at Britain's "interference in their internal affairs". Britain's reply is that we acquired the right to bomb Gaddaffey and his crew back to the stone age after he interfered in our internal affairs by giving explosives and cash to Irish terrorists.

black flagsLike calls to like?
At least M. G'dafi has one friend – Vlad of all the Putins and all the Russias thinks he's okay and G'duffy has every right to attack his own taxpayers with guns and bombs which they have paid for.

brown flagsWhy has the Arab League gone soft on G'duffi?
Mainly because it's a joke and it's always been a joke, the 'representatives' can hardly ever agree on anything, and it's full of dictators and hereditary rulers, who are afraid of losing their right to loot all that lovely oil money.

 HEALTH NEWS 


brown flagsThis Month's Medical Miracles
Apples can make you live forever (if you're a fruit fly); Ibuprofen stops you getting Parkinson's disease; and drinking wine is good for the memory (so maybe drinking a couple of bottles a day will get you on Mastermind the easy way).

black flagsSomething else which will kill you!
Eating the cardboard boxes used for packing breakfast cereals will give you cancer because they contain mineral oils from the printing ink on the recycled paper products from which they are made.

black flagsAny Fule Kno that!
Anyone with more than 2 brain cells to rub together agrees that AV is anti-democratic, which explains why the Liberals are pushing it. They know they'll never get into power under a truly democratic voting system.

brown flagsThe march of technology
The latest weapon in the war against constipation is a vibrating pill. The 3/4" capsule is programmed to start doing a shake, rattle & roll 6 hours after being swallowed. It keeps it up for 2 hours to get the job done.
  There is believed to be a deluxe model on the way for the American market. This version has an iron shell so that it can be extracted with an industrial magnet if it gets stuck.

brown flagsHow European democracy works
The people of Europe don't want it. Members of the European Parliament don't want it. But the European Commission, and our Environment Sec., C. Spelperson, want everyone to consume beef and milk from cloned cattle, and the E.C. has refused to allow products from cloned animals to be labelled so that people can choose to avoid them.

Too Boldly Gone by Merik KaturyanBook of the Month:

Too Boldly Gone by Merik Katuryan

"Classic science fiction with a pair of highly unusual central characters."

"It's high time the "backroom boys" got a proper amount of recognition!"

Vintage : 2007 / Category: Science Fiction

Available in paperback or as a download from Lulu.com

Home News
 HOME NEWS 
UK Flag

black flagsGrabbers in Action
No surprise that the first MP to stick the taxpayer with an expenses bill of over 200 grand is a Labourite. E. Joyce, convicted drink-driver, got away with £200,986 before the new expenses system was imposed on the House of Common Criminals.

If the Mandelsleaze and Tony B. Liar are to be allowed to continue to prosper, why not Prince Andrew, too?

black flagsTwat all over
The meeja have sunk to a sorry level when they give C. Bryant, the Labour MP who put himself on the internet in his underpants to solicit dates from homophiles, a platform to take a pop at Prince Andrew.

black flagsAn appropriate degree of cynicism
A survey reckons that just 3% of Poles think politicians can be honest and trustworthy. The figure is 12% for Britain. But let us not forget that the Poles has 50 years of rule by Nazis and Commies while we had only 13 years of New Labour.

brown flagsStand up for Midsomer against the usual gobsworths!
No surprise that the producer of Midsomer Murders is being persecuted by the usual suspects on the public payroll. He's making a TV series, not a model of society as the usual suspects like to pretend it is. So if he doesn't think inappropriate ethic faces belong in Midsomer county, fine! That's the way the story is being told and why shouldn't we have a programme that reflects imaginary state of pure Englishness (and impure, in the case of the many killers) without having the diversity agenda shoved down our throats?

black flagsUp yours as well, mate!
Dave the Leader has now trumped Tony B. Liar, his role model, by getting the country into a war without lying about it.

brown flagsLabour, it says, will fight for what really matters from now on . . .
. . .like putting even more money into the pockets of Labour's pals. Labour will also be on the side of victims not criminals, reversing the policy of the last 13 years. Labour will also deny being anywhere near government when Brown, Balls, and all the others were wrecking Britain's economy.

black flagsWe need to know!
Cameroony mouthpiece S. Holton is reported to hold meetings in his sox. Is that because he's too big for his boots now that he's directing the prime monster's strategy?

Hitler House?The daftest story of the century?
Does this house in Swansea [right] look remotely like Adolf Hitler, Chancellor of Germany from 1933 to 1945? Of course, it bloody doesn't. But that didn't stop the twits on Twitter and the Daily Mail from pretending it does. August is supposed to be the silly season, and April Fool's day isn't until April. Any Fule Kno That!
updateWhat did the Mail come up with on its website the following day? Cats that look like Hitler. Purrr-lease!

black flagsLike this will work!
The wrong Milipede's chosen strategy for getting himself out of the shadow of Ed Balls, who helped Gordie Broon to destroy the economy and put the nation into a debt crisis, is to demand to be called "Edward".

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world news
 WORLD NEWS 


black flagsMisquote of the week:
"Colonel Gaddaffey says that if he hadn't invented electricity, you'd all be watching television in the dark."

black flagsNot again!
The Lost City of Atlantis has been discovered once more. This time, it's under a bog in south-west Spain, just to the north of Cadiz.

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Far Queue List

Far Queue symbol The London School of Useful Idiots, which has sold itself to the Gadaffy regime body and soul.

Far Queue symbol Jacquiboots Smiff, sacked Home Sec., who has reinvented herself as a porn promoter.

Far Queue symbol The Pakistani government, which does nothing about Moslems killing anyone who doesn't subscribe to their religion.

Far Queue symbol Transport Sec. P. Hammond, who thinks on-shore windmills don't need a 100% subsidy to give their operators a profit, which makes him either a fool or a liar.

Far Queue symbol District Judge H. Riddle, who fined a Moslem who committed race hate offences on Remembrance Day a mere fifty quid.

Far Queue symbol Labour MP K. Buck, who has been accusing the Tories of racialism and sexism to get herself noticed.

Far Queue symbol Whoever built the London Olympics' countdown clock, which stopped working as soon as it was switched on.

Far Queue symbol The Sunday Post's 16-page Oor Wullie and The Broons souvenir, which contained 4 pages of adverts.

Far Queue symbol A. Darling, sacked Labour chancellor, who signed Britain up to a plan to bail out failing eurozone countries as a final gesture of contempt at the electorate after Labour had been chucked out of office.

Far Queue symbol The BBC, which keeps going on about "brutal cuts" without explaining they're a consequence of Gordy Broon's 13-year brutal and wasteful spending spree.

Far Queue symbol The wrong Milipede, who is busy positioning himself as the rioters' friend and calling them the equivalent of suffragettes and civil rights agitators.

Far Queue symbol The Metropolitan Police, which failed to protect West End businesses from the wrong Milipede's mates.

Far Queue symbol The BBC (again), which "strove to ensure our coverage (of the riots) was fair and balanced" but failed miserably.

Far Queue symbol Judge S. Holt let a dealer, who was busted with drugs worth £50,000, walk out of court with a suspended sentence.

Far Queue symbol "Far queue, far queue very much!" – Frank Zappa.

The Far Queue: the traditional parking place for everything "not wanted on voyage".

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