Attention All Americans! HUGE 3 for 2 Offer!
Your president has decided to do you a big favour! Take your old 2 dollar notes to your nearest US embassy or consulate and they will be swapped one for one with the new issue of 3 dollar notes to put some spending power in your pocket.
It's only our money
The European Commission has its hand out for a further €1.9 billion to finish off its network of navigation satellites. The Galileo system was supposed to cost €3.4 billion but, as with all European projects, it is vastly over budget and the target completion date came and went years ago in 2008, in fact. And once all the satellites have been launched, come 2014, the EC will want another €800 million per year for running costs.
Even worse, the EC has handed the secrets of the technology to the Chinese, who have a rival sat-nav system, entirely free of charge. But that's what the EU is all about wasting huge amounts of dosh.
According to WikiLeaks, the head of German contractor OHB Technology, which builds the satellites, thinks: Galileo is a stupid idea, a waste of EU taxpayers' money and it primarily serves French interests. The real purpose of Galileo is to help the French to sell satellite-guided missiles to the Chinese without relying on US technology.
Meanwhile, the Voyager spacecraft are still working after 33 years in space and sending back data. They are both getting on for 12 light-hours (11 billion miles) away from us. Launched in September 1977, Voyager 1 is now beyond the reach of the solar wind and it is approaching the threshold of outer space. This is a treat yet in store for Voyager 2, which was launched a couple of weeks before Voyager 1 and is following a different trajectory at a slower speed.
Voyager 1's mission was to photograph Jupiter then Saturn, and their moons. Voyager 2 also managed fly-bys of Uranus and Neptune after doing Jupiter and Saturn.
It's only our money
Stockport council is feeling guilty about the amount of council taxpayers' cash blown on the new Stockport Direct offices. How do we know that? Because the council has blown even more cash on an edition of its self-congratulatory rag The Stockport review to tell the customers what a huge benefit to everyone the new offices will be.
Film of the Month at Romiley Multiscreen is . . .
T.W.A.T. Thieved Weapons And Tactics (2010) is what you get when a gang of spree killers goes on the rampage with weapons they've stolen from private collections and tactics copied from films and militia websites. So there's everything on offer from antique duelling pistols to shotguns and handguns plus illegal automatic rifles. Toss in a few RPGs from Afghanistan and heavy machine guns stolen from Irish terrorists and grenades and flare guns, and the recipe for a HUGE body-count is complete.
Always an alibi
The members of the Association of Cheap Police Officers have ignored all instances of Moslem men making sex slaves out of white girls because they were afraid that drawing attention to it would get them labelled "institutionally racist".
Top marks for over-reaction!
The West Yorkshire police spy helicopter spotted a hot-spot on a garage in a residential area of Bradford. Six coppers raced there in 3 cars and found a space heater, which was keeping a couple of guinea pigs warm, rather than the hoped for cannabis ranch.
Not only do we have bloody Indians ringing up and pretending to be Microsoft experts saving the world from internet nasties, there's another gang of foreigners at it. They claim to be from "the council tax department" and the lucky punter has won a refund of 8 years' C Tax thanks to a government scheme. So if the sucker will kindly give the scammer the details of his/her bank account, the money will be moved there in a few days. Accompanied by a fly-past of pigs.
Virtue is its own reward?
L. Ben Ali, the wife of the dumped Tunisian president, has received an Imelda Marcos Award for getting away with 1.5 tons of gold as her personal share of the loot acquired by the ousted regime. That should keep her in shoes and handbags in Saudia for a while!
The president's extended Mafia family is estimated to have got away with around $5.5 billion, most of which ended up in French banks.
A nation of criminals
Thanks to New Labour, every single child who indulges in a spot of name-calling in the playground is guilty of a hate crime and a thought-police teacher adds the child to an official register of racialists and/or homophobes. That's something else we have to thank Tony Blair and Jack Straw for.
Bliar to Chilcot: "I'm saying this not as a lawyer but politically."
translation: He's lying.
The Glasgow underworld is having to look for a new line of business. The polis have worked out that their local gangsters are using tanning salons for money laundering.
The award for The Most Original Abuse Of Power goes to the UK Border Agency immigration official, who put his wife on a list of suspected terrorists when she went to Pakistan to visit her parents, and kept her out of Britain for 3 years.
The home of all the really EMBARRASSING video clips.
Are you up for this much entertainment?
"My fellow Americans, at last the truth can come out.
"All that stuff about BP was just a cover. We trashed them after the Gulf leak and made it look like we'd driven them into the arms of the neo-Commie KGB Mafia conspiracy for a purpose.
"BP is now at the heart of the Russian monster and able to report back to us exactly what that Putin putz is planning. It's the Intelligence coup of the century.
"Hey, I hope to hell those cameras are off. I'd sure hate to see this on ZooToob!"
When it's Warm, it's Climate
When it's Cold, it's only Weather
Good For All Of Us!
Anyone reading this is to be congratulated for surviving the worst December since 1890. The benchmark Central England Temperature was below zero for the whole month and it fell below -18 deg.C "somewhere in Britain" on 10 nights. The December just gone also enjoyed double the usual amount of sunshine and had half of the usual rainfall. So it wasn't all bad.
How very New Labour
The chairman of the Met Office, R. Napier, has been awarded a CBE for services to getting it wrong. He took office in 2007, when the MO predicted it would be the hottest year on record, using its Global Warming Swindler computer. Britain actually suffered record flooding and a cold winter. It was exactly the same in 2008.
2009 was supposed to have a "barbeque summer", but that was rained off. And there was the most snow for 30 years come winter. In 2010, the MO promised us a warmer than average winter. We've just had the coldest December for 120 years and there's more of the same to come before winter has finished with us.
The apologist for the Met Office is now claiming that it did predicted an "exceptionally cold winter" for 2010/11 but the prediction was kept secret. Don't ask why, but it must be something to do with fear of undermining the case for the Great Global Warming Swindle.
The Myth versus Reality
During the coldest December for 120 years, when the demand for power was at its highest, Britain's wind farms weren't pulling their weight. There was very little wind during the month and windmills were able to contribute just negligible amounts of electricity to the National Grid. So how will the lights stay on when the Liberal party abolishes nuclear and coal-fired power stations and the Tories let them?
The cost of the swindle becomes clearer
The price of an energy-saving compact fluorescent bulb will soar now that selling most incandescent bulbs has been banned and the CFB's manufacturing subsidy can be ended.
The CFB has been touted as a planet-saver because it produces light about 3 times more efficiently than an incandescent bulb. But they are massively more expensive to manufacture, they are no substitute for an incandescent bulb as far as light quality, physical size and use with dimmers are concerned, they need a specialized disposal facility as they contain a dose of highly toxic mercury to make them fluoresce, and their service life is nowhere near the thousands of hours claimed by the manufacturers from tests made under ideal and totally unrealistic conditions.
So thanks to the European Union's burrocrats, using CFBs generates MORE carbon dioxide than using incandescent bulbs and the consumer ends up paying MORE for inferior lighting. How's that saving the planet?
Brains on backwards?
Who caused the flood disaster in Queensland? Well, actually, it was the state's prime minister, A. Bligh. She ordered the water company not to reduce the amount of water contained by the Wivenhoe dam via controlled releases because she was worried about a drought. So when the deluges filled the dam to within inches of the top, they had to send a HUGE volume of water down the river and it was, "Good night, Brisbane."
Warning, barrel-scraping in progress!
Guess what? The fall of the Roman empire was all down to Global Warming and nothing at all to do with the Goths and the Vandals, and a tired system which had run out of steam and scope for further easy expansion.
Alibi going into place
More and more Global Warming Swindlers at the Met Office, at NASA, etc. are proclaiming that 2010 was the hottest year in the whole history of the universe. But what they keep failing to mention is that this "estimate" is based on 25% data and 75% guesses which, conveniently, make the Swindlers' case.
New Words Defined : App
Boring old computer programs became Applications to companies which tried to pretend they were selling something new and different, and, by implication, something much better and worth lots more cash.
An App is a program cut down to run on an inferior piece of hardware, like PC software adapted for a mobile phone, but with all the bugs of the original program retained and with some new ones included.
Suffering from INFORMATION OVERLOAD?
Being told far too much for your own good?
Just rub on Bolkerol gel for INSTANT RELIEF
from an excess of useless information
It's obvious, actually
The WHO says swine flu has spread more rapidly in Britain than in the rest of Europe but fails to add the obvious reason for the difference, namely that filthy foreigners keep sneaking into this country, in preference to the rest of Europe, and they bring their horrible diseases with them.
The Scottish government appears to have a strategy of not giving flu vaccine to fat people in the hope that swine flu makes Scotland's obesity problem go away.
More money than sense
The manufacturers of the Power Balance rubber bracelet with a "healing hologram" have been forced to admit that they can't actually produce any evidence to show that it conveys strength, balance and flexibility, and all their advertising puff is hogwash. Which means that all the celebs who shelled out 30 quid for one are idiots.
An answer to a big problem?
Education Sec. M. Gove would like to stage a cultural revolution like the one Chairman Mao "Green Teeth" Zedong held in China. Well, if can he exterminate 30 million people, including teachers, everyone with intellectual pretensions and the illegal immigrants let in by New Labour, that will certainly solve Britain's overpopulation problem. We should be quite comfortable with a population of 40 million instead of 70 million. Ignorant and uncultured, but with room to move.
A correspondent writes:
"You have to wonder about the people moaning about 'The Cuts' to the NHS. They seem unable to grasp that there's no money, because G. Broon spent it all, and we can barely afford the interest on the mountain of debt he loaded onto us. If you haven't got the money for something, and you can't afford to borrow, you can't have it. That's a rule which applies as much to countries as to individuals.
Brandon Doshan <firstname.lastname@example.org>
The "Sick Man of the World", thanks to him
The national debt that's the amount of debt inflicted on the nation by the bloke in the picture on the left, has overshot
But somehow, it was nothing to do with every member of the Labour party who was involved in the last apology for a government and who's still a member of the House of Common Criminals, and especially nothing to do with Eddie "The Wrong" Milipede.
It's all a con-job!
As the government Health Police get into training to force people to eat "Eight A Day", the wheels have come off the "Five A Day" campaign. Apparently, it has its roots in an advertising campaign by California fruit growers, who wanted people to eat more of their produce to make the growers richer rather than the eaters healthier. Worse, fruit and veg. are not brilliant sources of vitamins (except C) and minerals, and fruit is full of carbohydrates, which make you fat.
So for anyone who's struggling to get through "Five A Day" and in despair of ever making "Eight A Day", the good news is that you can say, "Kindly include me out on scientific grounds," when the Health Police come round.
According to experts at University College, London, central heating causes obesity. Double glazing, insulated walls and summer temperatures indoors mean that the human body needs less fuel to keep warm, but people keep on eating as if they're living in freezing conditions and end up the size of a house.
Plastic bags have been declared outlawed and illegal in Italy from the beginning of this year. Anybody caught in possession of one is liable to arrest, a touch of police brutality and a spot fine of €500.
Home to sponge
'Baby Doc' Duvalier, the hereditary dictator who fled the country in 1986, is back in Haiti. He's not admitting why he returned but informed opinion is that, having blown all the cash he stole by living in Paris; not exactly the cheapest roost on the planet; he's hoping to grab a slice of the UN earthquake relief funds to pay for a higher-on-the-hog lifestyle.
Mr. Duvalier reckons he returned to Haiti to help out after the earthquake. Which was a year ago, which raises the question: "Is he so bloody broke that he had to row across the Atlantic and that's why it took so long?"
An answer to everything
The train operators have come up with a cure for over-crowding they're going to put their prices up and up until they're high enough to ensure that poor people can't afford to travel and everyone else has a seat.
Only acceptable bigots admitted
US pastor T. Jones, who failed to get a "Burn a Koran Today" day off the ground, has been banned from visiting his relatives in Britain. A Home Office spokesman explained: "Britain is so full of Islamic extremists that there is no room for bigots of other denominations. We have nothing against Mr. Jones personally. He's just another victim of New Labour's maladministration."
More Murdoch = Less Choice? This long-running home for US import series and archive programmes seems to have been bought by BSkyB for the express purpose of being closed down to reduce competition for the other Sky channels. Bravo and Bravo 2 used to show lots of stuff not available on any of the other digital channels. As from the beginning of the year, they are no more. They will be missed.
Conspiracy theorists are convinced that Sky is in cahoots with Vince McMahon's WW$ to put their rivals, TNA, off British TV screens at a time when TNA has started to tour its 'wrestling' shows in Europe in competition to the WW$'s offerings.
Gerry Rafferty, musician, 63
He created a meal-ticket for life with his solo album's monster hit Baker Street (1978) after getting a first taste of fame as a member of Stealer's Wheel with the Top 10 hit Stuck In The Middle With You (1973). But Gerry Rafferty was never a man who enjoyed celebrity and he spent most of his life self-destructing and living in seclusion. He pretty much retired in 1983, having shifted 10 million recordings. He will be much missed by the legal profession, which made a fair few bob out of his litigious streak.
The National Bullying Helpline, 3
The charity's telephone service has been bullied into extinction by the Mandelsleaze and allies after it dared to reveal that G. Broon, failed chancellor and sacked prime monster, was intimidating Downing Street staff with his lumping ways.
Susannah York, actress, 72
She was a classic blue-eyed English rose, who achieved great success in the 1960s and exerted her independent streak, which didn't go down well with the major film makers. She became recognized as one of the country's best character actors, and received a BAFTA award and an Oscar nomination. When her big screen career waned, she moved into fringe theatre, acting, directing and writing. She had a strong sense of justice and she pursued causes, such as CND, with passion, but her main cause was her children following the collapse of her marriage.
Nat Lofthouse, iconic footballer, 85
He was a one-club man who wanted to play only for Bolton Wanderers during their post-war glory years, when they could beat the likes of Man. Utd. to win the FA Cup. He was the epitome of the tough, get-stuck-in Northerner and scored 255 league goals for his team, and 30 goals for England in 33 appearances. He retired after a serious knee injury and became an assistant trainer, the coach and finally the executive manager at Bolton. He was awarded the freedom of Bolton in 1989 and OBE in 1994, and he was voted Bolton's greatest ever player in 2006.
Only a POKE is a loaded with COKE!
The green drink which saves the planet!
The 100-Day Verdict
The latest poll on his progress has voted Ed "The Wrong" Milipede the most unpopular political party leader since Wee Gordie Broon.
Up to no good warning
The latest scam from India is a phone call from someone with an obviously phoney name, who tells you he/she is calling about your Sky TV service (whether you have one or not) rather than your computer.
The prison officers' union reckons there are bound to be more riots in prisons like the one which wrecked Ford open prison on New Year's Eve. And there is a distinct hint in the warning that they're the boys to make 'em happen if the convicts fail to take the initiative.
|Oldham & Saddleworth by-election result:|
The Coalition 15,641
Milipede Labour 14,718
Self-interest is the only one they have
Labour peers are trying to sabotage the Liberals' May referendum on the Alternative Voting system (not a bad idea) for selfish party reasons (so what else is new?) because the AV bill also includes repair of the unfair electoral advantage handed to Labour by the Boundaries Commission over the last decade or so.
Business as usual
A. Johnson (knows nothing about finance, fairly harmless) has been replaced as shadow chancellor by E. Balls (knows nothing about finance, dangerous meddler). That's the buffoon who got the Brown Bungler wittering on about "neo-classical endogenous growth theory" in a speech.
Balls also helped Broon to sell half of Britain's gold reserves at a huge loss, steal BILLIONS from private pension funds and dig the £1 TRILLION Broon Hole in the economy.
Balls will also tell you, given half a chance, that the deficit is nothing at all to do with either his useless self or the last Labour government. That's how honest and upstanding he is.
Two Eds are better than one if you're talking about screwing things up.
Jacqui Smith, disgraced former Home Sec. and expenses swindler, is to become the porn consultant to BBC Radio 5.
Notice me, pleeeeze!
G. Broon, sacked prime monster, is believed to be agitating about phone hacking by the News of the Screws as a means of attention-getting and because he's still upset because the Murdoch press stopped supporting Appalling New Labour.
Licence to thieve
The (not so) Independent Parliamentary Standards Authority has caved in to the members of the House of Common Criminals and, in future, they will be allowed to claim as much as they like on expenses without having to offer "proof of spend", and MPs will be trusted to be honest. Which is rather like trusting rats not to desert a sinking ship.
"In an era of belt-tightening, why did a quango chief order his staff to blow a million quid of underspent cash?" thunders the Daily Disaster.
"Because he's an overpaid burrocrat with a New Labour mentality, who was recruited during an era of reckless spending and who needs rooting out and exterminating," is the obvious answer.
In a better world, Sir A. Cahn would also lose his knighthood and three-quarters of his pension pot for recklessness with taxpayers' cash, but that's not likely to happen with the Liberal party being liberal to spendthrifts and criminals alike.
The Stealth Taxation campaign continues
Local councils are exploiting C-taxpayers instead of cutting waste. They are up to dirty tricks like imposing charges on formerly "free" (but paid for out of Council Tax) services, putting up parking fees, etc. This is being done while there are still 1,500 council officials who are being paid more than the prime monster, including the chief executive of Stockport MBC, who is on about £200K for running Stockport while the prime monster gets a mere £142K for running the whole country.
While Labour moans about bankers' bonuses . . .
Thanks to D. Bunkett, who was sacked from the Home Secretary job for abuse of power and fiddling his expenses, police forces all over the place are paying out millions of pounds to coppers as "good attendance" bonuses i.e. cash just for turning up for work. How very New Labour.
More equal than others?
Usual suspects are complaining that raising the pension age to 66 for everyone in 2020 will "disadvantage" women. Which raises the question: "Why, in an age of equality, should women have an advantage?"
Insult piled on injury
Labour councils are wasting taxpayers' money on posters blaming the current cash drought on the Coalition rather than the last Labour government, which spent all our money and recklessly ran up huge debts.
Cutting the over-inflated salaries of managers is not on the agenda for the likes of Manchester city council, according to the evasive leader.
Stockport council pays its town clerk around £200K, so there's something they could cut.
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
He's been called the Blogger of the Decade
His intellect is matched only by the size of his luck and the size of his bank balance. And yet he manages to keep his Feet On The Ground with the greatest of ease. Do yourself a favour and find out what Xavier has had to say about what's going on Right Now!
A bit of everything down under
Northern Aussies who have been flooded out of their homes by torrential rain in Queensland face an added hazard when they return to salvage stuff snakes & crocodiles. Meanwhile, at the bottom end of the country, there are bush fires in Victoria and South Australia. Probably something to do with Gorbal Warming.
Charles Fort would have loved it!
Thousands of crabs washed up dead along the Kent coast. 100,000 drum fish mysteriously dead in a 17-mile stretch of the Arkansas river but other species not affected. A few days later and 100 miles away, thousands of blackbirds dropped dead from the sky on Beebe, Arkansas.
More dead birds at Baton Rouge, Louisiana, and in western Kentucky and Texas in the USA and also at Falkoping in Sweden. Millions of dead fish in Chesapeake bay on the east coast of the USA, more at Port Orange, Florida. All Book of the Damned Part II stuff!
Putting the blame where it belongs
The US presidential committee investigating the Gulf of Mexico oil well blow-out has concluded that President O'Bummer is responsible because his government failed to regulate the industry. Just as G. Broon caused a global melt-down by cosying up to chancers running British banks instead of regulating them. The US legal profession is looking forward to a huge pay-day when BP, the target of a criminal prosecution, insists that the same should happen to all guilty parties.
Grand canal project for Australia?
While Queensland (top right) is being washed into the sea by torrential rains and floods, Victoria and South Australia (bottom right) are baking and being burnt to bits by raging bush fires. Which has given the international consortium the idea for a spot of nuclear engineering.
The plan is to explode redundant nuclear weapons along a north-south axis to create the world's greatest canal, and divert the excess water in the soggy north-west to the parched south-west to the benefit of all concerned.
If there are enough nukes available, there is also a possibility that the canal will acquire a spur heading west into the deserts at Australia's interior as a means of losing excess rainfall. This extension to the plan is unpopular with eastern Australia's Global Warming Swindlers, who would prefer the creation of huge reservoirs for the coming drought when world temperatures go through the roof.
It's the same all over
Tunisians are continuing their street protests because the "new" government, which replaces the one which was presided over by a prime monster whose family stole $5 billion, is full of usual suspects from the "old" government.
Rather like Ed "The Wrong" Milipede's shadow cabinet.
Next in line for a revolution Egypt, where the president has been buying himself a power-trip for 30 whole years. And Lebanon next?
A country of miracles
Zimbabwe has been in touch with the Guinness Book of Records about its electoral register. One-third of the people on it are dead but they are still able to cast votes for President Mug. And the list contains a record number of people who are aged 120 or more, and who can still get out to their local polling station to vote for Pres. Mug.
Another country of miracles?
President O'Bummer is planning a massive cash stimulus to get the stagnant US economy making things again, instead of importing stuff from China, while putting a freeze on public spending. We wait, with interest, to see how he gets on with doing two contradictory things at once.