Black Flag News Solutions
 
 2010/December 
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No. 10 Certificate of EndorsementThe content of BFN meets New Labour's standards of accuracy and veracity, and our content is as reliable as a Liberal party election manifesto—guaranteed!

hollyXmas GreetingsA recycled Merry Xmas & a Good New Year
to all our readers and rotten ones to miserable multiculturalists, dastardly diversifiers and all other Xmas denyers.
   BlackFlag News would like to thank all who contributed to the 2010 issues – and we hope to hear from you again, and your friends, in 2011!

animated pumpkinanimated skullScumbag of the Month
Mr. BA Hons
the corporate director of business services
@ Stockport Metropolitan Borough Council.

   BlackFlag News hopes that his Christmas tree catches fire and burns his bloody house down, but we know that bad things happen to bad people far less often than they should

 CLIMATE  NEWS 

climate change sloganPick a result, make the data fit it
As Britain shivers in Arctic conditions, the Global Warming Swindlers, who are trying to repackage themselves as Climate Change Swindlers, would have us believe that 2010 has been the hottest year in the whole history of the universe. So how did they reach this startling conclusion?
   Dr. James Hansen of the Goddard Institute for Space Studies at NASA has done it by using invented data. Only 25% of his numbers come from real weather stations. The other 75% are guesses which provide the desired outcome – "proof" that the world is hotting up and governments should give Global Warming Swindlers lots of cash.

climate change sloganPowerless
Britain's 3,150 wind turbines supply just 1.6% of the power demanded by the National Grid, and most of them were at a complete standstill during this month's freezing weather because there was no wind.
   So when the nation's coal-fired and nuclear power stations are shut down during this decade, how do we keep the lights on?

climate change sloganIt's a swindle
A £2,000 gas-fuelled condensing boiler for a central heating system pays for itself in 10 years by using less gas; maybe. But these boilers have a service life of only 3-5 years as their electronics are excessively fragile. Meanwhile, a 'conventional', non-condensing boiler can last 20-30 years.

 DEPARTURES 

The Hawker Harrier, fighter aircraft, 41

This revolutionary VTOL jet astounded the world, delighted the US Marines when they received their quota and helped to win the Falklands war. Designed to operate without a runway under Cold War battle conditions, the aircraft were equally effective operating from land and an aircraft carrier. They have become yet another victim of the Brown Slump caused by Gordon's reckless spending.

 DEPARTURES 

Blake Edwards, film-maker, 88

His career in the industry lasted over 50 years but he will be remembered as the creator (perpetrator?) of the Pink Panther films, which starred Peter Sellers. He began his career in front of the camera as an extra, he wrote for radio and wrote screenplays, and then he was able to turn to directing. Breakfast at Tiffany's (1961) was one of his early hits, and he made serious pictures as well as comedies. His "post Panther" successes included 10 starring Dudley Moore, and Blind Date (1987) and Sunset (1988), both starring Bruce Willis. He received an honorary Oscar in 2004 in recognition of the breadth and depth of his output.

 DEPARTURES 

Don Van Vliet, musician & painter, 69

The artist better known as Captain Beefheart has gone out of business permanently. He achieved fame and notoriety as the hugely influential mastermind of his Magic Band (1965-1982), and produced weird music which often outdid his contemporary, rival and supporter Frank Zappa. He was a non-conformist, who also had a talent for painting and drawing to keep himself going when the musical career hit the buffers.

 DEPARTURES 

Brett Favre's Streak, 321

This veteran of 19 NFL seasons has set an astonishing range of records for a quarterback, the most astonishing of them being his record for consecutive starts in his position. He was there for 297 consecutive regular season matches, and his total was lifted to 321 by post-season appearances, which included Super Bowl 31 (won) and Super Bowl 32 (lost). He enjoyed a distinguished if erratic career, thanks to a "gunslinger" style, with the Green Bay Packers then rattled around for a while longer as QB for the New Jersey Jets and the Minnesota Vikings, where the streak was ended by injury. There will never be another like him and the man who wore the No. 4 jersey is a shoo-in for the NFL Hall of Fame.

 UNSPORT NEWS 


black squareThe FIA (Ferrari International Assistance) has lifted the ban on team orders in Formula One to give Ferrari a better chance of winning the drivers' championship in 2011, and sod competition and making F1 interesting for spectators.

pointing handThe South African police seem determined to fit up Mr. Shrien Dewani, whose bride was murdered by car-jackers in that benighted country, for every other unsolved crime.

black squarePresident O'Bummer seems to have decided not to sue Haliburton (US company) over the Gulf oil deluge but BP (Anglo-American, seem by the Pres. as British) is to be hammered. There is some talk of BP dragging Mr. O'Bummer to court for wilful malfeasance in office, which seems only fair.

alchemyStitched up from all directions
It looks like Mr. WikiLeaks doesn't have much of a chance of a fair trial and a fair hanging. He's got the Swedish government trying stitch him up on one side, and our own dear Can't Prosecute Service suddenly getting the lead out under orders from across the Atlantic on the other side. Not to mention the Yanks waiting to Guantanamize him after all their string-pulling has worked.

pointing handGovernment ministers might be fighting to keep the Queen's head on our stamps but has anyone thought to ask Her Majesty if she wants to be associated with the shambles which the Royal Mail has become?

alchemySuicide stupidity
A New York lawyer is suing the police department for $40,000 for a rather original type of wrongful arrest. Apparently, he was leaning out of his first-floor window, having a smoke and making a phone call, when two cops decided he was about to hurl himself into oblivion.
   Mr. M. Moody told them they were wrong, but that didn't stop the cops whistling up ambulances and a gang of police cars, kicking his door in and dragging him off to a psychiatric hospital in handcuffs. We might think our own police forces have gone down the drain thanks to 13 years of New Labour stupidity, but it's everywhere.

 WAR NEWS 

alchemyCyberWar ain't no joke!
The Infosphere has declared war on the companies which bowed to pressure from the US government and did the dirty on WikiLeaks. Operation Payback has launched Denial of Service assaults on the operations of PayPal, Visa and MasterCard, causing major disruption, and there's a lot more to come. The websites of the Swedish organizations doing the Yanks' dirty work, and those of rent-a-gob US politicians, have also been disrupted. The twits of TwitTer are next in the firing line.

alchemyIt could have been another Sarajevo
Britain is lucky not to have been precipitated into another world war following the assault on the vehicle of Prince & Mrs. Chazzer by a rent-a-mob of hooligans in London's West End.
   As usual, the Metropolitan police stood idly by complaining about ‘the cuts' and being taken by surprise by the scale of the violence and vandalism.

alchemyOh, what a giveaway!
The Russians have confirmed that they planted a spy on capric Triv-Dem MP for Portsmouth, M. Hancock. They're threatening to chuck out a spy from the British embassy in Moscow if Katya, Russophile Mr. Hancock's young, female assistant, is evicted from Britain.
   Whoops!

black squareSweden dodges a bullet! An Iraqi terrorist, who went to school in Sweden and university in Luton, set his car on fire instead of blowing it up and killed just himself with one of a bagful of pipe bombs. Here's wishing other suicide bombers the same success!

alchemyBy their mates shall ye know them
It comes as no surprise to learn that one of Tony B. Liar's best mates, the Mafia boss prime monster of Kosovo, has been accused by the Council of Europe of being a major drug baron and organizing the kidnapping of Serbs to steal their organs for transplantation on the black market.

alchemyPolice tactics questioned for demos
The police have been accused of not being tough enough with feral demonstrators and rent-a-mob lefties, who are destroying property, defacing public monuments and putting police officers in hospital. It is believed that the Special Tactics Unit of the Metropolitan Police is experimenting with modified water cannons, which deliver an incapacitating dose of pepper spray instead of a good soaking.

black squareThe English cricket team has jolly well retained the Ashes by getting themselves into an unloseable position against the Aussies. How surprising!

 ART NEWS 

alchemySo long and thanks for the van!
The thieves who broke into a warehouse at Getafe, near Madrid, found their loot easy to remove. There were paintings and sculptures worth €5 million packed in a van, and the keys were in the glove compartment. The items were on their way back to their owners in Spain, after spending time on loan to a gallery in Germany, and at least half of the owners had cheapskated by not bothering to insure them. The van contained sculpture by Fernando Botero and Eduardo Chillida, and paintings by Saura, Tapies, Gonzalez and Picasso. Ransom negotiations are pending.
updateSome of the works of sculpture look just like bits of old iron and the museums are worried that the thieves will sell them off for their scrap value – for pesetas rather than millions.

space news
 OFF-WORLD NEWS 

alchemySpanish woman done over by space spivs
Angeles Duran of Salvaterra do Mino, Galicia, plans to charge everyone who benefits from the Sun, having paid good money to register our star as her property in September.
   She is obviously unaware of the fact that one Virgiliu Pop, who was a PhD student at Glasgow university at the time, registered a claim for the Sun with the Archimedes Institute in 2001.
   Mr. Pop decided not to try to charge the inhabitants of the Earth for sunlight because he lacked a way to enforce his claims. He also had the good sense to declare himself not liable for any damage caused by "his" property, e.g. skin cancer, sunstroke and the effects of solar flares on satellites, power grids, etc.

President O'Bummer has just been voted the most admired man in America in a Gallup poll, which says rather a lot about Gallup's value. [Looks like Michael Vick was scrubbed off the ballot paper after the Eagle's Tuesday Night performance against the Favreless Vikings. Ed.]

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 TRAVEL NEWS 


alchemyAvoid Egypt!

 • WARNING: If you go to the Egyptian holiday resort of Sharm el-Sheikh, you will be eaten by a shark.
 • ATTENTION SHARK HUNTERS: The Egyptian holiday resort of Sharm el-Sheikh is a great place to do it.
 • THE FACTS: Animal carcases dumped in the sea after the Moslem festival of Eid in November are believed to have attracted swarms of killer sharks to the area.

alchemyFrench court deals in politics, not justice (so what else is new?)
A French court has dumped the blame for the 2000 Concorde crash on Continental Airlines and its staff. The Concorde is supposed to have hit a titanium strip, which fell off a CA airliner, on the runway at Charles de Gaulle airport, and the guy who applied it to the CA aircraft has been declared guilty of causing the accident.
   The court had nothing to say about the responsibility of the French airport staff to make sure that runways are cleared of debris before aircraft use them. The decision is seen as a means of letting French insurance companies sue Continental Airlines for damages paid to passengers on the Concorde flight and their relatives, and also a means of stuffing more cash into the pockets of the legal profession.

alchemyHouse of Common Criminals & now spies!
Up to 1,000 foreigners, many of them agents of foreign powers, have access to the Palace of Westminster and its environs as MPs' assistants. This fact has been thrown into the public's consciousness by the arrest of an elderly Russophile Triv-Dem's young & female personal pal on suspicion of espionage.
 • The vetting procedure for an HoCC access pass is a joke because MPs kick up a fuss if anyone tries to inconvenience them by doing checks on their "aides". How very New Labour.

HINT: If you see a load of white stuff outside when you look out of the window, it's a sign that you should bhloody well stay at home!

What's Johnny "2 Jags" Prescott doing these days? Telling smutty stories on cruise liners, apparently, and not going down too well.

No Crime News
 NO CRIME NEWS 

alchemyBeing useless ain't no crime
The Financial Services Authority has investigated thoroughly and the whitewash has been applied. No one involved in driving the Royal Bank of Scotland into the dirt is to blame, least of all the boss, Fred "The Shred" Goodwin.
   There is no evidence of fraud, just stupidity and incompetence on a Brownian scale, which proved lethal to the business. And that's not illegal, or Gordon would be in gaol right now. No, it's just bad luck and no one's fault.
   Doesn't it make you proud to be British!

black squareThe head of the English Football Association has quit because he wants no further contact with the lying scumbags representing FIFA in Europe and the rest of the world.

alchemyNay-sayers neutralized!
Head teachers who take it upon themselves to try to stop parents from snapping pictures of their kids in Nativity plays are acting illegally and violating the parent's 'uman right to enjoy family life. So expect a lot of terminally PC heads and governors to be sued in the coming months.
   The same applies to other school events, such as sports days, the government's Information Commissioner, C. Graham, has ruled. And the Data Protection Act cannot be used to justify blacking out kids' faces in a school yearbook.

black square"If you've done nothing wrong, you have nothing to fear." So why are the people who've been WikiLeaked kicking up so much of a fuss?

alchemyJustice delayed is no justice at all
The late Jim Morrison has received a pardon 41 years after the Miami police and public prosecutor's office trumped up a charge of indecent exposure at a gig at the Dinner Key Auditorium in March of 1969. The charge was all about building up the personal profile of the then Miami D.A. and the city's illiberal tendency. Mr. Morrison died before an appeal against conviction could be staged.

black squareThe supreme court has ruled that people who received overpayments from the Dept. of Work & Pensions as a result of maladministration under New Labour don't have to pay the money back. No wonder the Brown Hole in the economy is so bloody HUGE.

alchemyHere's hoping . . .
The Mandelsleaze has been banned from sleazing up to ministers and civil servants for the next 2 years in the hope that he will be prevented from cashing in his contacts like Antonio B. Liar, the disgraced former prime monster. He has also been told that he can have nothing to do with firms bidding for government contracts for 1 year. Whether this will do any good remains to be seen.

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world news
 WORLD NEWS 


alchemyThe aspiration which dare not speak its name!
Ein Volk, Ein Reich, Ein FuehrerThose making a parasitic living out of the European Union have the ambition to create a single state called Europe, in which nations are abolished in favour of arbitrary regions, the euro rules supreme, all economies are controlled from a central palace and the governance is in the hands of un-elected officials with a figurehead picked by the "great & good" of the EU hierarchy.
   But dare to mention this aspiration, as UKIP MEP Godfrey Bloom dared to do when German MEP M. Schulz was going on about the need for greater solidarity within Europe, and you are evicted in short order. After his exclusion, Mr. Bloom commented:
   "My father, as a Spitfire pilot, fought for freedom against Nazi domination of Europe. As an MEP, I will fight against the destruction of democracy across Europe. Schulz is an unrepentant Euro nationalist and a socialist. He wants one currency, one EU state, one EU people. These Euro nationalists are a danger to democracy. These people are fanatics."
   So now you know who the enemy is.

alchemyRussia blags 2018 world cup
FIFA is an organization which is so notoriously institutionally corrupt that it could award the next-but-one world cup only to a mafia state, which is even more notoriously institutionally corrupt. Maybe the British government should have realized this and not wasted £15,000,000.00 on a bid which had no hope of succeeding.
black squareThe fix is in!! Death Valley is to get the 2018 Winter Olympics.

alchemyDon't panic, we're only frightened
The Spanish government has entered an official "state of alarm" over wildcat strikes by air-traffic controllers, who want more pay. Aware of the huge loss of tourist euros at a time of economic collapse, the regime is threatening the strikers with criminal prosecutions. BFN would like to suggest that putting the strikers in gaol won't make the problem go away but hanging 8 of them picked at random will.

Pakistan: Islamic regime, booze banned since 1977 but overflowing with alcoholics, and secret rehab clinics are booming. A triumph of the human spirit over state oppression?

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Home News
 HOME NEWS 
UK Flag

steam trainOne step forward, ten steps backwards
Steam trains on private railway lines have continued to run as normal despite the big freeze. Meanwhile, the super-duper electric trains which replaced them have ground to a halt. One of the reasons for this is that the on-board computer switches the high-tech train off when it detects ice on the third rail.

black squareThe truth can now be told! This year's winter started so early because the Met Office computer predicted that it will be "milder than average".

black squareWord of the Month: ToBo (pronounced "tow-bow", short for total bollux)
Application: to all political announcements and tales of doom & destruction from the Daily Mail, theGrauniad and the BBC.

black squareSacked Labour MP D. Chaytor has pleaded guilty to attempting to defraud the taxpayer of £18,350 via false expenses claims. His acts of fraud make him liable for a gaol sentence of up to 7 years. A slap on the wrist is the more likely "penalty".

alchemyNotice me, PLEASE!
A secret BBC directive, now leaked, orders staff on news and "serious" programmes to slip foul language into their scripts whenever possible in an attempt to boost audience figures to justify the size of the BBC licence fee. Current donors to the swear box include Today, the BBC lunchtime news and Start The Week.
 • The Beeb is also manufacturing stories about Coalition ministers resigning over various issues in order to be noticed.

alchemyBrown duplicity
The founder of WikiLeaks has been arrested on what are claimed to be rape charges trumped up by the "victims" and the Swedish police at the behest of the US government, some members of which want Mr. J. Assange executed for embarrassing them.
   Some members of New Labour are likely to join the lethal looney lobby as the arrest day's leaks included the news that the dictator M. Gadaffy told the Broon regime that he would steal British assets invested in Libya and have a few British citizens killed if the Lockerbie bomber wasn't released from his Scottish prison. And lo! He was freed. But the Broon regime was careful to dump the blame on the Scottish government. And the Yanks went along with the swindle.

alchemyBang! (I think)
The police have put gunshot-sensors on buildings in areas of north-west Birmingham, and they have coppers, who have been trained to spot the distinctive sound of a gunshot, standing by to listen to sound-clips gathered by the gadgets. Birmingham enjoys about 60 incidents involving shots fired every year, which suggests that the specially trained coppers will be doing a lot of sitting around, playing cards.
black squareNow that they know that there are sensors somewhere, people have started to complain that the police using them to listen in on their conversations!

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 DOSH NEWS 

alchemyPull The Other One, Mate!
The Bank of England governor, M. King, is reported to have had "great concern" about what would happen if D. Cameron & G. Osborne started running the country after an election victory because they "think about issues only in terms of politics and how they might affect Tory electability".
   So are we supposed to believe that T. Bliar and G. Broon were any different? And that Mr. King can be too Tory and anti-Tory simultaneously, according to the whim of the Labour party?

alchemyWhere there's an MP, there's a swindle
Having been banned from collecting mortgage interest on second homes from the taxpayer (but not until 2012), a lot of MPs have come up with another scam. Having bought a second home courtesy of the taxpayer, the MP proceeds to rent it to him/herself and gets the taxpayer to pay the rent via expenses claims.
   This scam is okay under the present lax system, but MPs are already moaning that it cramps their style when they get creative with their expenses and they want to abolish it. Which leaves the rest of us wondering what they expect us to do, let them turn up at the Bank of England with an armoured van and help themselves?

black square57% of Germans want the mighty Deutschmark restored in place of the flabby euro. Maybe they're hoping for a chance to spend the DM16½ billion of old currency which remains stashed in mattresses.

Inflation Warning: 60% of retailers and consumer good manufacturers are planning to sneak their prices up next month and blame the total rise on the 2½% VAT rise.

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 SNOW NEWS 

alchemyMuch ado about filling up newspaper space
Every year, it snows a bit and there's a rant or ten in the newspapers about how the country has come to a standstill and billions of pounds are being lost and it's a scandal that no one ever does anything about it.
   But have the complainers every thought about how many SQUILLIONS of pounds the government would waste if we had to provide the level of snow defences required by law in countries like Austria and Switzerland, or cities like New York? Just for a week or so's snow? I think not!

black squareEdinburgh city council has come up with a brilliant plan for clearing the frozen streets. The council plans to call in the Scottish army and get soldiers to drive tanks about and crush the stranded cars!

black squareAren't wheely bins great! Except when the lid freezes shut and you can't put anything in the bugger.
updateCouncils are asking people to put their wheely bins somewhere warm so the lid doesn't freeze shut in cold weather. Next thing you know, they'll be demanding that people should be obliged by law to put hot water bottles on them when the bins are standing out on the pavement, waiting to be emptied.

alchemyAn earthly paradise, but not for people!
Scotland has become Rat City during the freeze. Why? Because the binmen haven't been able to make collections for weeks, garbage keeps on piling up in flimsy plastic bags in back gardens and the rates have grabbed an opportunity to feast and breed.

The Minnesota Vikings used to have an inflatable roof on the Metrodome, their stadium; until enough snow fell on it to collapse the roof!

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This Month's Garbage

The Garbage

N. Clegg, V. Cable and all the other Trivial Democrats who are talking up the police of increased university tuition fees but won't vote for it "for the sake of party unity".

Preston council, which sends out gritting lorries then, 90 minutes later, sends out street sweepers to gobble up all the grit!

The government of the Central African Republic, which has given a posthumous pardon to its thieving, murdering cannibal of an emperor Bokassa I.

The Brown comedian's work of fiction about how he saved the world from financial disaster and he PERSONALLY diverted 2 killer asteroids, which were on the way to wipe out all life on the planet, while inventing a cure for AIDS.

The Stockholm suicide bungler, who was such an Islamic extremist that he was actually chucked out of a mosque in Luton, a hotbed of fundamentalists. How extreme is that!

Vince Cable's overblown sense of his own importance.

The British Airports Authority and its failure to buy snow clearing gear for Heathrow. [Isn't the BAA owned by some Spanish outfit that's up past its ears in debt? Ed.]

The Eurostar intracontinental train service.

The stolen presidential election in Belarus.

Npower, which is dropping fuel bills on customers a month early; in December instead of January; and not telling them they have the right to tell Npower to get stuffed and knock out the bill at the proper time.

Ex-MSP T. Sheridan, who's going to gaol for perjury while screwing 200 grand out of The News of the Screws.

North Korea's threats of a "sacred war of justice" against the South. What's a bunch of godless commies doing talking about 'holy' war anyway?

The UKBA ordered customs officers at Heathrow not to look for drug smugglers over the Xmas period because of staff shortages and a fear there wouldn't be enough bodies available to guard prisoners while packets of drugs worked through their digestive system. How very New Labour!

Turning every cashpoint and shop till into a chugger station.

The Brown GOATS, who have turned out to be no-talent duffers, who took their peerages but failed to trouble the House of Lords with an intellectual contribution.

The bin is still ready and Mandelson.

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