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 | | Russian roulette, and we're all doomed |
 Feeling the need to send a message to the rogue asteroid community, and its rivals on Earth, the Russian government is planning to mess about with the asteroid Apophis, which will miss the Earth when it crosses our planet's orbit in 2029 and 2036. The most likely outcome of the messing about will be to increases the probability of a collision in 2036 from 3 in 1,000,000 to a dead cert, but the people doing the messing about will be dead by then and not bothered about taking out the odd country or two.
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2009/12/19 – Wot bloody Global Warming?
 
A reader writes on 2009/12/22:
When we had a token bit of snow (which vanished of its own accord) and a little frost, the centre of Romiley received a couple of handfuls of sand & salt. This morning, after a weekend of snow, and more on Monday, I went shopping in Romiley and found absolutely nothing had been done to clear the pavements. So I would like to propose a new motto for the council:
Stockport Council - There only for the easy stuff
(We vanish like Gordon Brown when the going gets tough)
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A Copenhagen Christmas to all out readers!
 
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 | | Florida, the safest place on the planet |
 Tiger Woods crashes his car into a tree in the middle of the night, no one is hurt except him, and the local police are all over him, even though no one reported a crime. It must be really reassuring for the good people of Florida to know that their local fuzz have so little real crime to investigate that they can waste their time stalking celebrities.
 Jacks In Office jumped on
Police forces nationwide have been ordered to stop harassing people taking photographs in public spaces and get on with sorting out some criminals. New Labour's target culture has been blamed for making coppers abuse anti-terror laws to create easy, target-fulfilling collars & cautions.
Another reason for the policy change is that the Independent Police Complaints Commission has been snowed under with hundreds of complaints from members of the public who objected to coppers exceeding their authority in a deliberately offensive manner and inventing crimes to fill quotas.
 Good news on crime!
Under a Tory government, households will be awarded a licence to kill criminal intruders to their property provided they don't use grossly excessive force. So shotguns are in, as long as the intruder is not shot 144 times, and RPGs are definitely out.
 Bad people do bad things
It comes as no surprise to learn that the Irish terrorist gang leader G. Adams comes from a family of child molesters and he was involved in a cover up for his brother.
 An alternative to crime
The Isle of Man has come up with an effective crime-busting tactic – a new gaol has been made a no-smoking zone, condemning convicts to nicotine-free punishment. Some criminals are even giving up crime to avoid being forced to give up their ciggies, or moving to the mainland.
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The son of posh Anglo-Irish parents, Richard Todd became a professional actor, then World War II interrupted his career. He joined up the day after war broke out, he received a commission in 1941, and he was one of the first British officers to land in Normandy during Operation Overlord. He resumed his stage career when peace broke out and starred on the big screen as real-life military heroes; notably as Wing Commander G. Gibson in The Dam Busters (1955), Major J. Howard in lengthy blockbuster The Longest Day (1962) and as Commander J. Kerans in Yangtse Incident (1957). He continued to work as a jobbing actor in films and TV when his star faded after the 1960s, and he was awarded the OBE in 1993.
| Sir L. Donaldson (from his job next May) |
The chief medical officer for the Brown regime in England has quit. He will be most remembered for his hysterical prediction that swine flu would kill off half the population and a monumentally screwed-up online job application system for junior doctors two years ago. A serial self-publicist, he always put the interests of New Labour before those of the medical profession and their customers.
The deep threat for the Cincinnati Bengals has died from injuries received after falling off the bed of a pickup truck during a domestic dispute with his fiancée. He was one of the Bengal's collection of 'bad boys' but he was seen more as easily led and redeemable than actually bad. He was drafted by the Bengals in 2005 and, after a period of off-field problems, he had become one of the stars of the team's corps of receivers. At the time of the accident, he was on injured reserve, having suffered a broken arm on November 8th during a match with the Baltimore Ravens. Henry and his fiancée, Loleini Tonga, had 3 children and they were planning to marry next year.
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| 2009 – A Year to File & Forget |
 Iceland has gone bust, Britain under the leaden Brown Clunking Fist is effectively bust and Dubai is tottering because its neighbours won't prop up the regime. Now, Greece looks like following the other reckless spenders down the drain before Xmas if the EU doesn't come galloping to the rescue with an injection of taxpayers' cash for a serial scrounger.
 Spain is hot on the heels of Greece and eager to join the list of countries going bump.
 Another great New Labour deal for the nation
Our readers will not be surprised to learn that the cost of the inquiry into how much MPs stole from the taxpayer with fraudulent expenses claims is going to be MORE than the amount recovered from the swindlers. Inflated salaries and expenses for the accountants have a lot to do with it.
 All the friends you can buy?
The Russian prime monster, V. Putin, is so desperate for friends that he has given $50 million of other people's money to the almost invisible South Pacific island of Nauru in return for political recognition of the independence of South Ossetia and Abkhazia, the provinces of Georgia which the Russians are trying to bite off.
 Lunatics running the madhouse? Cynics, more like.
Dr. R. Pachauri is chairman of the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change @ the United Nations despite having no qualifications in the field of climate science. Curiously, his "empire" is making an absolute fortune out of global warming "research" and the like. Letting him direct UN policy on Global Warming Swindles is like making Fred the Shred Goodwin Chancellor of the Exchequer!
Nothing to worry about, guys!
Only 6 MPs and peers will be charged with expenses fraud and they are all expected to get away with it, especially if they are Labour members.
 It's official – Brown Ain't Best
The decade of Brown chancellor ship was a disaster for Britain. According to an official audit, the economy suffered the worst rate of growth since World War II during the Brown decade. The figures were terrible compared to those for the last 10 years of Tory rule. Thus all the Brown boasts about his financial talents have been exposed as empty spin. Which will come as no surprise to all those struggling in the depths of the Brown Slump which our outgoing prime monster created.
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 The head of the Climate Research Unit at East Anglia University will be standing down during an investigation of the decade of emails hacked from his department. Although the emails show a culture of suppression of data which disproves man-made global warming, systematic distortion of data to 'prove' this basic theological element of the global warning swindlers' religion and tricks to prevent the release of data to Freedom of Information requests, the outcome of the investigation is expected to be nothing more drastic than the application of a couple of pints of greenwash.
Professor P. Jones, the head of the CRU, has been paid more than £13 million for his work on the possible effects of climate change. The people who object to Global Warming swindles are usually accused of being in the pay of oil companies, etc. Looks like the vice is very versa.
 Not so Wonderful Copenhagen
"The Copenhagen Climate Change conference is a massive junket for thousands of people, most of whom don't need to be there, and it will fudge some sort of deal set 40 years in the future and be exposed as a scam when most of the fudgers are dead and long forgotten."
Shakita Shery <s_sheryqk@gaiennie.com>
Copenhagen will cost £130 million and generate as much carbon dioxide as the whole of Afghanistan generates over the same period.
 Shoot the Messenger?
"Which is more serious – that British researchers were cynically fiddling data to support the UN's Great Global Warming Swindle or that their fiddle was exposed by someone hacking the swindlers' emails? The latter, the Global Warming Swindlers would have us believe."
Heather Brannon <heather52@qwest.net>
 We seem to have lots of time to waste
Arguing over whether to limit the global warming temperature rise to 1.5 deg.C, or let it go on to 2 deg.C, has little point when the argifyers have ZERO control over the Earth's climate because they don't know how it works and they can't control how much energy the Sun puts out, El Nino and all the other variables.
 Don't panic, a solution will be along shortly!
The Ausssie prime monster and his local Greens are in an ass-kicking contest over global warming. One prime area of embarrassment for them is Australia's role as the world's biggest exporter of coal, which produces the dreaded carbon dioxide when burnt. But the Global Warming Swindlers are predicting that Australia will become too hot to be habitable in the next 50 years. So problem solved if it happens.
 Another scam from the Global Warming Swindlers
Who's unpopular right now and a soft target? Easy! Bankers. Okay, let's make them pay for our Global Warming Swindles, PM Broon and Pres Sarko have decided. Brilliant, or what?
 The same old riff-raff?
Climate hooligans have replaced soccer hooligans as a major headache for police forces around the world. Danish police have made hundreds of arrests around the Global Warming Swindlers' conference in Copenhagen and damage to the city centre is being counted in millions of euros.
G. Broon and his entourage created carbon emissions equivalent to those of a medium-sized city through flying backwards and forwards between London & Copenhagen.
Now we know it's a con
If you ever wanted proof that all these carbon emission permits and trades are a scam, here's the proof – Tony Blair is setting up another of his secretive companies so that he can get involved in Global Warming Carbon Swindles.
Another Global Warming Swindle
British steelmaking jobs are going to India and the amount of carbon dioxide emitted into the atmosphere will stay the same. Why? Because Dr. R. Pachauri, Chairman of the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, is also the director general of the Tata Energy Research Institute, which is funded by the Indian steel company Tata, which owns the British steel industry and which is the beneficiary of the scam.
Another Inconvenient Truth floors Scammer
Serial Global Warming Swindler Al Gore has been caught out in another lie at Copenhagen. He declared that the North Pole could be completely ice-free during summer in the next decade.
"Won't happen," replied the professor whose research he had misrepresented.
One small cheer then a big frown
China is getting the blame for the failure at Copenhagen of the world's Global Warming Swindlers to ruin the West's economies. China is also getting a certain amount of praise for standing up to the swindlers.
But the cheers should not be too loud, because if the Chinese government feels that it is being blamed too comprehensively, it will throw a hissy fit and and stomp out of the Global Warming Tax Swindle. Which can be only a good thing for the Western world.
So one small cheer then lots of bogus disapproval of Chinese intransigence seems to be the planet-saving strategy.
Sarko's "Matter of Survival" sunk
The French president has been booted in the nuts by his country's constitutional council. His Global Warming Swindle carbon tax has been declared unfair and designed to punish little people and exempt big business. While the British establishment sees nothing wrong with letting that happen her, parts of the French establishment are clearly made of sterner stuff.
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| Another waste of OUR money |
 The 'Elf 'n' Nazi Xecutive has blown a quarter of a million quid of taxpayers' cash to prove that bowling alleys are terribly dangerous places. People who take a stroll down the alley could be injured by bowling balls or caught up in the machinery! And people who work in bowling alleys run the risk of industrial deafness.
The ENX had drafted a regulation requiring bowling alleys to put a barrier at the end of each lane (to stop people knocking the pins down by hand) before someone pointed out to them that the barrier would stop bowling balls and defeat the whole object of the activity.
More reckless spending
The government's chief hysterical medical officer, Sir L. Donaldson, has been forced to retract his hysterical claim that half the population would be wiped out by swine flu. His hysteria was used to justify blowing half a BILLION quid on Tamiflu, which doesn't really do much for people with swine flu. A 500% over-diagnosis rate on the NHS swine flu hotline also contributed to the governmental hysteria and irrational justifications.
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Panic Stations!!!
"Iran test-fires missile that could hit Europe", theGrauniad yelled in a headline. Then it blew the scare tactic by printing a map showing the missile's 1,200-mile range. The only bits of Europe in danger are half of Crete and some bits & pieces north of Turkey on the Black Sea coast.
"Barely hit Europe" would have been more honest, but not to a newspaper with a Weapons of Mass Distraction mentality. Still, we can all relax again because we're in no real danger.
Copenhagen deal "won't save the planet"
Another day, another outburst of hysteria from theGrauniad. Perhaps someone should tell them the Earth is perfectly safe until the Sun turns into a red giant and swallows it up, but that won't happen for another 5,000,000,000 years. Also, the planet has been a lot hotter than it is now and survived, and it has been a hell of a lot colder. So maybe theGrauniad would kindly calm down and let us concentrate on postponing our Xmas shopping.
p.s. Talking about Copenhagen hysteria, would Gordon F***ing Brown kindly stop giving away BILLIONS OF POUNDS our money, which he's going to have to borrow on our behalf because of the huge Brown Hole he's created in the British economy, to Global Warming Swindlers?
Joke of the Conference
Tony Blair turned up in Copenhagen to tell everyone that the evidence for man-made climate change is just as strong as the evidence that Saddam Hussein had Weapons of Mass Destruction available to shoot at British forces in 45 minutes.
China crashes Brown juggernaut
The efforts of Britain's prime monster at Copenhagen to ruin the world's economy for the sake of his ego has been thwarted. The Brown blunderer wanted industry to grind to a halt to create meaningless cuts in carbon dioxide emissions.
But the Chinese government stood up and said NO!, they're not going to cut their emissions and NO!, they're not going to let anyone monitor how much carbon dioxide they dump into the atmosphere. Collapse of Brown party.
Shock Jock undone
In October 2009, G. Brown told the nation that "we have 50 days to save the world". But the 50 days have come and gone, and the world is still here. So could it be that the Brown bungler was telling another Labour Weapons of Mass Destruction-style lie?
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 | |  | What does reality have to do with TV anyway? |
The culture of swindling the public at the BBC persists. The Beeb has had to tick off one of its production companies for getting its staff to pose as 'real people' in programmes involving a test of buying & selling skills. The Beeb keeps such a close eye on its own programme material that the swindles weren't noticed until long after they had been transmitted.
Joke of the Month
Gordon Brown decided to resign before he was sacked so his Cabinet colleagues decided it would be a nice gesture to name a railway locomotive after the old duffer. So an appropriate senior civil servant was sent to the National Railway Museum at York to find out what was available.
"There are several of locomotives without names," the museum's chief executive officer told Sir Newly Labor. "Mostly freight locos, however."
"Oh, dear, that's not very fitting for a Prime Minister," said Sir Newly. "How about that big green one over there?" he added, pointing to locomotive No. 4472.
"That one already has a name," said the C.E.O. "It's called the Flying Scotsman."
"Well, couldn't it be renamed?" said Sir Newly. "This is a national museum, after all, funded by the taxpayer."
"I suppose we might do that," said the C.E.O. "After all, the LNER renamed a number of their locomotives after directors of the company, and even renamed one of them Dwight D. Eisenhower."
"Excellent," said Sir Newly. "But how much will it cost? We can't spend too much, given the scandal over MPs' expenses."
"No problem," said the C.E.O., "all we'll have to do is paint out the F on the name plate."
One rule for us, another for them
How do you get away with letting your dog foul the platform at King's Cross station and not cleaning up the mess? Simple. Just be Mrs. V. Baird, Labour's solicitor-general.
 The oppressed fight back!
Binmen are paying the price of Labour's policy of raising council taxes while reducing services. Householders angered by the regulations introduced by councils' petty Hitlers, and unco-operative or downright stroppy binmen, are taking the fight back to their oppressors. In the last year, 160 binment have been assaulted with binbags and other handy weapons, like wheely bins.
The Doshan Bleeda of the Year Award . . .
. . . goes to Harridan Harperson for her petty vindictiveness in the Brown class war and persistent attention-seeking.
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 | | How embarrassing! |
The Italian police tried to take on high-speed crooks with a pair of 200 mph, £130K Lamborghini super-cars. But the size of the fleet has been cut in half by a dozey driver, who barged onto a motorway from a service station without checking for on-coming traffic and punted the super-car into a row of parked vehicles.
Cash-in time
The suicidal strike of British Airways cabin staff has let rival airlines raise their prices by up to 40% to take advantage of the demand for their limited spare capacity. The strike will also serve to keep poor people where they belong over Xmas – at home.
 Bummer! Some judge has ruled the strike unlawful and the peasant will be allowed to fly after all.
A Reader Emailed:
"Some woman was on the TV today (2009/12/19) with Eurostar's alibi for FIVE trains breaking down in the Channel Tunnel. Apparently, frost gathered on the trains above ground and when they got into the warmer environment of the tunnel, the frost melted and the water seeped into the electrical systems and put them out of action.
"And they expect us to believe that this was a completely unexpected problem and the weather has never been cold before during the years the company has been in operation, i.e. since November 1994?
"If you believe this crap, you're the sort of person who believes in witchcraft, man-made global warming, the Americans didn't land on the Moon, and all the rest of it."
Collen Danille <ollen.danillemh@abcn.com>
Eurostar is blaming its problems on the wrong sort of snowflake. It was too fluffy and dry, and it percolated through filters, landed on the electrics and shorted everything out when the trains went from the cold outside world to the 24 deg.C of the Channel Tunnel. And Eurostar has known about the problem since 1994. [But not done anything about it like giving the electrical systems a spot of warm-air heating. Ed.]
The Met Office, which is an ally of the Global Warming Swindlers and not exactly a reliable source of information, doesn't think this type of dry, fine snow was around in Calais when the trains broke down.
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G. Broon, Britain's temporary prime monster, has been bitching at the Pakistani government for not catching Osama bin Laden. So maybe it would be a good idea for the Paqs to send their equivalent of the SAS to Londonistan to round up some of the Alky Ida members, who have received shelter and public funds from New Labour's multiculturalistas, and ask them where to look for the semi-mythical Mr. Laden.
Five British yachtsmen, kidnapped in the Persian Gulf by Iranian pirates, have been released after intense diplomatic pressure. Luckily, Pres. Dinnerjacket of Iran was too busy with his nuclear programme to trump up espionage charges against them.
FIFA is trying to come up with an officiating strategy for next year's World Cup which will prevent the French from doing any more cheating.
The United States' government is planning to pull out of Afghanistan in 2012, which means that all Alky Ida has to do is hide in Pakistan until then, and claim final victory as soon as the Yanks are gone.
You really are in deep, deep trouble when your war criminals are criminally stupid as well . . .
You kinda hope that the people running the country have more than 2 brain cells to rub together. But it comes as no surprise that Tony Blair, and his Cheerleader G. Broon, took the country into an illegal war because an Iraqi cab driver told MI6 that Saddam Hussein's officers had talked in the back of his cab about Weapons of Mass Destruction.
MI6 added to the report, a note saying that the cab driver's story was rubbish. But Blair still let his murderous minions use it as a foundation for their dodgy dossier and he must have snipped off the inconvenient note on that page.
Blair admits he lied, but so what?
T. Blair has now admitted that Saddam Hussein's alleged Weapons of Mass Destruction were irrelevant. God, and President Bush, told him to Invade Iraq and he did. Worse, his spin doctor has revealed that there were times when Blair was too busy on his knees in a church, begging for forgiveness for his lies, to talk to his minions.
"People rail against African dictators, their excesses and their mass murders, but they pale into insignificance next to the bunch of war criminals and thieves in the ranks of New Labour in the Blair era."
Brandon Hirsuit <soundingly@laboractiva.nl>
What more do we need to know?
The Chilcot Comittee has already answered 2 vital questions:
"Was the 2003 war in Iraq necessary?" – No.
"Was Blair's justification; Saddam's alleged Weapons of Mass Destruction; just a pretext for going along with a decision to go to war taken in 2001?" – Yes.
Anything else the Committee does from now on is just a waste of time and taxpayers' money.
It's confirmed : Chilcot is a stitch-up
One of the main cheerleaders for the illegal war in Iraq in 2003, G. Broon, won't have to tell his lies to the Chilcot Committee until AFTER the next general election.
 International murder & banditry
Where does a lot of the Western aid to Iraq go? Apparently, it ends up in the hands of Iranian-controlled kidnap and terrorist gangs organized by the Iranian Revolutionary Guards – which leaves us wondering how big a slice President Dinner Jacket and the Ayatollah BunchofCommies are getting out of the deal to rig elections in Iran and buy bullets and private armies to kill off their political opponents.
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 | | Cultural Imperative |
The Swiss, who are allowed to have a referendum or two, have voted to ban the addition of minarets to Moslem meeting places. Apparently, they look too much like ballistic missiles for the traditionally neutral Swiss to stomach.
 Another French swindle on the way
When the French government invited ministers from EU states over for talks on the future of the Common Agricultural Policy, curiously, Pres. Sarko's minions DIDN'T invite representatives from Britain and the 4 other states which want the CAP swindle diluted. Probably because Mrs. Sarco could rustle up only 22 chairs, not 27.
Another useless liar
Defence Sec. B. Ainsworth blew two chances to rescue Rachel & Paul Chandler from Somali pirates, and let the Ministry of Defence and the Royal Navy issue statements which they knew to be full of lies with intent to mislead Parliament and the British public. So he's probably in line for a performance bonus.
 Anything to swindle the taxpayer a bit more
The Brown wastrel has been racking up the government's deficit even more with a self-promotional trip to Afghanistan. Why? Because he needed some comic-opera pictures of himself in a flak jacket and helmet to back up a claim for a hazardous duty allowance for spending one night in a country containing a war zone.
It seems the House of Commons Accounts Committee is being a bit more difficult over expenses claims and the Brown duffer wanted to be able to portray himself as the only British prime minister ever to venture into a war zone come the next general election campaign. And he hopes to have a campaign medal for his bravery to show off come the election.
The Italian Mystery
What has Silvio Berlusconi done to Italy's nutters? One put him in hospital, despite an escort of prime ministerial security guys, and another was busted on Mr. Berlusconi's floor of the hospital while trying to visit him, possibly to do a bit more damage to the prime ministerial visage.
Not much of a Xmas event to look forward to!
Attacking Pope Benedict at his Xmas Eve mass has become an annual event for Susanna Maiolo, a Swiss-Italian crazy woman with a talent for evading papal security. She failed to reach the Pope last year but this year, she managed to bring him down with a horse-collar tackle, which would have been rewarded with a 15-yard penalty in an American football match. The Pope was undamaged but an 87-year-old cardinal, who was caught up in the scuffle, ended up with a broken leg.
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  KGB man V. Putin's attempts to 'prove' that the dictator J. Stalin didn't have 300 billion Russians and their neighbours killed in his purges and exterminations of inconvenient people and those with more than 2 brain cells to rub together.
Golphing wunderkind Tiger Woods, whose tribe of bimbos has given America such a thrill – one which is denied to readers of British newspapers (for the moment), because he's taken out an injunction using New Labour "privacy for celebs" laws with the assistance of Eady, J., the judge who thinks he has a divine right to decide what privacy laws should be.
Judge Reddihough, J., who thinks its okay to keep violent burglars out of gaol but it's okay to fill up the prisons with their victims.
The whole Copenhagen climate change shambles.
The Yorkshire attention-seeker the Rev. T. Jones, who thinks it's okay for his customers to steal from shops if they're feeling hard up. What does he think they are, MPs, or something?
One of the Rev.'s customers filled a bucket with tinned spaghetti and ravioli from his local supermarket, and gave Mr. Jones the benefit of the bucket's contents as an expression of disapproval.
Sudbury town council, Suffolk, which has banned the use of "two fat ladies, 88", "legs 11" and other traditional bingo calls at charity sessions at the town hall because some idiot thinks that pairs of fat players, or players with legs, might take offence and sue the council
The government has awarded a medal to Assistant Commissioner C. Dick, the woman who was in charge of the de Menezes killing in July 2005.
The bin is still ready & Mandelson
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