Black Flag News
 
 2009/June 
  final
BFN email address
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No. 10 Certificate of EndorsementEvery edition of BFN is compiled
in accordance with official 10 Downing Street guidelines on accuracy and veracity.

 READERS' LETTERS 

Black square"The reason why Gordon Brown wants the Iraq war inquiry kept secret is obvious. He doesn't want his part in launching an illegal foreign war on a lie exposed to the light of day."
   Skyler Sobon <skyler-sobon@matzelworkz.de>

Black square"The sacking of Kitty Ussher as an expenses swindler does nothing to improve Gordon Brown's standing. He obviously appointed her as a minister without following any sort of vetting procedure to make sure she was honest or competent. Which is unforgivable in the present climate of endemic Parliamentary sleaze."
   Grant Ehlinger <Grant752@wasitgood4u.co.uk>

Black square"When the dustmen refuse to empty someone's bin on totally bogus grounds, the abused householder should issue a Failure to Deliver Contracted Services Notice to the council concerned and withhold a penalty of £1 from their next Council Tax payment."
   Carmen Greer <gcloseyjll@insincerewives.com>

Black square"Where is this 'Tony B. Liar knew about a secret torture police for terrorists' story going? Is the government softening us up for an eventual announcement that Mr. Liar personally took part in torture and killed people?"
   Charley Hughes <conveyorhydrometer@accordsoft.ru>

Black square"So the Brown Broadcasting Company reckons that having the latest Brown advisor, Sir A. Sugar, doing one of its shows won't compromise the BBC's impartiality? Wot bloody impartiality?"
   Walter Baron <wdzbaron@mad.scientist.com>

Black square"Those suspected Romanian pick-pockets and shoplifters who were 'chastised' in Ulster – they were lucky Martin McGuinness and the IRA weren't on the job otherwise the lot of them would have ended up with their kneecaps blown off."
   Toothbrush M. Whirled <necranom@grappoloin.com>

Black square"Another bunch of jobsworths in line for the sack for abuse of office are the NHS Primary Care Commission. They only ordered hospitals to give priority to gypsies, which amounts to a clear breach of the 'uman rights of everyone who isn't a gypsy and not entitled to jump the queue."
   Gotthard Warbelinsky <stilettoscorruptness@winehouse.cl>

Black square"80-year weather forecasts? If they can't do more than 3 days ahead with any accuracy, what is an 80-year forecast worth? Except as a means of letting the Global Warming Swindlers focus on the 10% chance that something bad will happen while ignoring the 90% virtual certainty that we'll be all right. OK odds, when you think about it."
   Elvis Lund <bacteria@fastermail.com>

Black square"British MPs don't do things by halves. They're not just dishonest, they're thoroughly dishonest!"
   Otis Barker <StuartresignationSantiago@gasupreme.us>

Black square"So the Brown Police think it's okay to arrest people with violence when they ask them why they're not wearing identification badges? How long will it be before they're issued with brown shirts and renamed Sturm Abteilungen?"
   Melanky Mabry <fingerprintedderegulating@prudential.com.vn>

Black square"If you ever wanted final proof that Labour is unfit for office, they've just given it to us – Squeaker Bercow."
   Xander Melborne <xanmel2@hombreslocos.org.mx>

Black square"How can the new Mr. Squeaker cut a commanding figure if he has to perch on a throne with his little legs dangling into space? Not fair."
   Edna Prescott <evil.poodle@ntlworld.com>

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

Stealth Taxes

The latest demand from the Brown Grabber is a £6/year Broadband Tax on every home and business landline telephone in the country. The cash is allegedly to be spent on extending the broadband network but, in reality, it will just disappear down the huge Brown Hole in the economy along with all previous Stealth Taxes.
 • Typical Brown Blunder but the tax will raise £1 billion over its 8-year run for a scheme which will cost £4 billion. So that's another £3 billion for the taxpayer to find – plus the inevitable cost over-runs for stuff which wasn't included in the original costing to keep the price artificially low.

Garbagegate has a list of Stealth Taxes CLICK HERE to "read 'em and weep"!

 CLIMATE NEWS 
  Don't worry about the science, we'll make something up

climate change sloganThe "Global Humanitarian Forum" (Give Us Cash) claims that global warming is already killing 300,000 people per year – a claim which the GHF's sponsor, ex-UN Gen. Sec. Kofi Annan, admits was made without a shred of hard evidence to back it up.
   A report from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (which should know better) claims that global temperatures could rise by 7 deg.C over this century, which would kill BILLIONS of people.
   But global temperatures have been going DOWN since 2002 at a rate corresponding to a drop of 0.25 deg.C/decade. Something which NONE of the global warming swindlers' computer models predicted. So it looks like, yes, they are just running a scare campaign to put lots of lovely money in their pockets.

Black squareIt's a funny old world
How strange that democracy is for terrorists, communists and the Labour party, but not for the British National Party.

climate change sloganThe Gods in grotting action again?
The wheels are coming off the great rush to wind power in the American Midwest. Thousands of wind turbines were erected before someone bothered to do some research into the available wind – and find that peak and average wind speeds have been decreasing since 1973.
 • Why are the wind speeds decreasing? Climate change gets the blame.

climate change sloganAnother politician-made catastrophe brewing
The world is facing a food shortage with 2 root causes. One is that global temperatures are going down, not rising as the Global Warming Swindlers would have us believe. The second is that farming land formerly used for producing food has been switched to biofuels to stop global warming which ain't happening.

climate change sloganIt's still all about the money
The government has published a series of guesses about how our climate could change during the next 70 years to justify robbery via Global Warming Stealth Taxes. The script is strong on 10%-chance horror stories but it doesn't have much to say about the 90% chance that nothing dramatic will happen.

climate change sloganFalse hope from a notorious swindler
Gordon Brown has offered poor countries $100 Billion/year to deal with global warming. Attention Poor Countries : Gordon Brown doesn't have 100 pence. Gordon Brown NEEDS $100 Billion/year to repair the damage he's done to the British economy and you have NO CHANCE of seeing a red cent after the little red light on the TV camera goes out.
 • As there is no global warming going on right now, any money that is forthcoming will end up in the Swiss bank accounts of African dictators, so business as usual.

Stranded polar bearsThe polar bears are OK!
Good news for polar bears. The average temperature in the Arctic is still below zero, something which hasn't been observed at the end of June in the 50 years during which records have been kept. And this year's summer ice melt will be at a record low.
   Given the distinct absence of global warming in the 21st century, something which the climate swindlers' computer models have all failed to predict, there should be a record-breaking freeze when winter comes. So even if polar bear numbers are rising, they are getting extra roaming territory.


In a burst of pluralism, BFN would like to make a joint award to the entire Strathclyde police force, members of which issued a £50 fixed penalty fine to a disabled man who dropped a £10 note in Ayr. BFN would also recommend that Council Taxpayers in the Strathclyde area withhold their police precept until EVERY member of the local force can prove that they have been on a course AT THEIR OWN EXPENSE to teach them the difference between litter and lost property. BFN would also recommend that the Chief Constable, Stephen House, be sacked immediately for letting his command degenerate into such a disgraceful condition.

BFN would like to expand this month's award . . .
. . . to include Squeaker Bercow following his admission that his entire political career has been directed at making himself eligible for the Speaker's pension plan, which confirms that he is a turncoat ex-Tory, who has embraced New Labour's values with wholehearted, money-grubbing passion.

 COMPUTER NEWS 
  A Correspondent Writes:

computer virus"A gang of Indians with thick accents is phoning people and telling them that their PC is 'running slow' because they've downloaded malicious files from the Internet.
   "Having had a problem and having been in touch recently with my ISP's technical support centre 'somewhere in India', I thought at first that they had come back to me by mistake – the guy had my details on his computer screen instead of someone else's.
   "I thought this because my computer wasn't running slowly and my usual scans with my anti-virus program had not turned up anything nasty.
   "The Indian gentleman on the phone wasn't impressed when I told him my PC wasn't running slowly. He was certain that I was loaded with malware, which would start operating in the very near future. Worse, he told me, my support contract for my copy of Windows has run out. (Which was news to someone with a certifiably genuine copy.)
   "As proof of infestation, he asked me to go to Start/Run and run 'prefetch'. I was invited to accept that the fact that the items of the C:\windows\prefetch directory consist of file names followed by hexadecimal numbers is proof positive of malware in action.
   "After some further chat and further 'proof' of infestation, he asked me to log on to a website. By this point, I had realized that the Indian had gone through none of the usual security checks required by my ISP. I am also aware that just visiting some websites is an open invitation to a malware invasion. So I got rid of him."
p.s. "When I tried 1471 after the call, I was told the caller withheld his number."

Black squareMore Brown Hot Air
The prime monster has promised to give every home in Britain a high-speed broadband connection by 2012 because he has decided that having broadband is a 'uman right. But we all know what G. Brown's promises are worth – the referendum on the EU constitution, transparency in government, an end to spin & sleaze, etc., etc.

Crime News
 CRIME NEWS 
Brown Bandits

Black squareNot only has the Brown Slump given Britain a soaring burglary rate, it has also created a new wave of false burglary reports. Inspired by the amount of swindling going on at the Palace of Westminster, the people are cutting out the middle man and inventing crimes to make false insurance claims like there's no tomorrow.

Black squareThe worst excuse for scrounging on expenses
Dame G. Kaufman, who has the same breakfast every day, blamed his claim for £220 for 2 identical Waterford crystal grapefruit bowls on his self-diagnosed OCD.
 • A Reader writes : "Oh, no! I, too, have the same breakfast every day. Does this mean I have Kaufman's Disease?"

Black squareMore from Labour's dirty tricks department
Cllr. D. Boothroyd (Labour) of Westminster council has been sacked from the Wikipedia arbitration committee for altering Dave the Leader Cameron's entry (for Labour party political reasons) regularly while using a variety of false identities.
[If it's on the Internet, it's automatically suspect. Ed.]

Black squareNew Labour's Legacy
The body of a murdered woman remained undiscovered in a wheely bin for 3 weeks because the binmen @ Cobham, Surrey, decided it was too heavy, under the prevailing 'elf & nazi rules, to pull it to their dustcart.

Black squareOur Crime Correspondent writes:
"Society is in a pretty sorry state if the Met can't shove a drug dealer's head down a toilet and flush him a bit. Drug dealers and other scumbag criminals should realize that if they step outside the rules, they also step outside the protections offered to decent members of society."

Black squareAn odd version of Transparency
It's okay to name & shame criminals – but not if they're judges. The so-called Ministry of Justice and a tribunal of judges have decided to keep secret the names of sacked & disciplined judges because exposure would cause them 'distress'.
   So the bloke sitting on the bench in his fancy outfit, pontificating, could be a convicted drink driver, a paedophile or a serial killer, and the punters in his/her court will never know.

Black squareHow much credibility does that bring!
Is there built-in irony in an outfit of 'no win, no fee' injury lawyers using a guy who played a bent copper in The Bill to do their TV adverts?

Black squareBent, or what!
The police are stopping and searching people because they are white. Why are they involved in this racialist harassment? Because they feel obliged by the Home Office to try to equalize the numbers of non-white and white searches for political reasons. Is it any wonder that the police 'service' is now treated with contempt rather than respect?

Black squareBent, or what! Part 2
Another reason why the public holds the police in such contempt after 12 years of New Labour is that coppers have a habit of arresting people who challenge them when they're not wearing their badges to avoid identification, which is a serious disciplinary offence but one disregarded by chief constables everywhere.

Black squareNew Labour target swindlers profit
Postcomm is investigating a criminal conspiracy by Royal Mail managers, who are alleged to have rigged the results of a delivery-time survey to make them better in order to obtain performance bonuses of thousands of pounds.

Black squareSwindle exposed
Squatters have taken over the "main" home of Labour expenses scroungers A. & A. Keen, MPs, who have not lived there for a year, which qualifies them for arrest on fraud charges.

Black square150 Years In Gaol for the Mad Dog
The perpetrator of the world's biggest pyramid swindle ($100 billion?) has been sent to gaol for the rest of his life. Bernard Madoff will not be eligible for parole until he is 191, so he faces a long spell in a prison morgue before his relatives can bury his lying, cheating carcase!

 DEPARTURES 

  Daniel 'Danny La Rue' Carroll

The actor who went from rags to riches as a 'comic in a frock' and back to rags again has died at 81. His initial go at playing a drag queen flopped but he persisted, and with the right management, he made the big time. Only to lose everything to crooked advisors in the 1980s. He couldn't make it as a straight actor but his 60 years of acting in a frock included 3 Royal Variety performances, over 50 pantomimes and 7 major West End shows.

 DEPARTURES 

  David Carradine

The star of the iconic 1970s show Kung Fu has been found dead in the wardrobe of a Bangkok hotel room at 72. A member of a family of actors, he spent 3 years on TV playing a Shaolin monk and kung fu expert, who wandered through the Wild West of America offering his wisdom and lumps to bad guys. A long string of B-movies followed but he hit the top again in the role of the eponymous hit-man in the Quentin Tarantino film Kill Bill (2003). His demise has overtones of the death from boredom of George Sanders, who checked in to an hotel near Barcelona and checked out of life at 65.

 DEPARTURES 

  Max Mosley from Formula One

The threat of a mass walk-out by most of the teams, and a rival series in 2010 [wasn't never going to happen!] has seen off the billionaire with an eccentric private life. He won't be standing for re-election in October. Mr. Mosley is credited with putting in place a lot of F1's life-saving safety arrangements, and he warned that if the teams got rid of him, they'd get someone worse, but everyone else felt that they had had enough of him after 18 years and he was getting too autocratic.

 DEPARTURES 

  Michael Jackson

The Peter Pan of the pop industry has made the ultimate career move at the ripe old age of 50. He achieved enormous success with shows and music sales, which allowed him to remake his face and enjoy what became known as his Wacko Jacko lifestyle. He spent all his money, and then some, and shuffled off this mortal coil on the eve of a punishing tour aimed at repairing a mountain of debt of truly Brownian proportions. Death means that he will never get older, he will have no more problems with repairing unravelling cosmetic surgery and the legal profession will be left to squabble over the bones of his legacy.

 DEPARTURES 

  Farrah Fawcett

The actress who launched a poster with sales of 12 million had died at 62. She exploded onto TV screens in a flurry of teeth and blonde hair as one of Charlie's Angels and she was married to TV's Six Million Dollar Man for a while. The marriage then her career hit the buffers but she found a niche in Hollywood's made-for-TV film industry, specializing in battered women, and ended her career as the star of her own celeb cancer video diary.

Parachute For Sale by Henry T. SmithParachute For Sale by Henry T. Smith

After the Battle of Britain, a Hurricane pilot was banished to Bomber Command. He had to fly a Bristol Blenheim with a crew of misfits. Inevitably, they were shot down. The second time put them in Occupied France just before the German invasion of Russia and into extremely unlikely company!

   Read the Blurb on the Romiley Literary Circle website

Category : World War II Speculative History
(© 1979, published 1999)

 DOSH NEWS 
  Nothing Succeeds Like Failure

50p coinShareholders, staff & customers of Boots the Chemists are advised to run for cover. A. Hornby, the blundering banker who drove HBoS into the dust [and helped to ruin Lloyds TSB when its boss did the prime monster a favour and took over HBoS] has been appointed the new boss of Boots. Now, how the hell did that happen!

Black squareMake the Punters Pay & Pay
The Entrepreneur of the Month award goes to Gillette, which makes £6.28 profit on a pack of 4 "Fusion Power" razor heads, which cost 5p each to manufacture.
 • The government also rakes in £1.46 VAT on the retail price of £9.72.

Black squareProof Positive that the PM doesn't listen
Everyone is telling him to f*ck off and die but he says he hears people telling to limp on – if only for the sake of the Brown ego and to let himself and the rest of Labour's losers shake the money tree for another year and collect fat salaries, even fatter public sector pensions and, of course, the golden parachute for failed MPs.

Black squareYou Can't Say F*ck on Virgin
In case anyone is wondering, the asterisk in the above item replaces the letter 'u'. But under the Terms of Use for our free webspace, we can't use that level of expletive in full, plain text. But as the webspace is provided free, we feel able to make such compromises. Ed.

Black squareA bit more substantial than the princess's pea!
We are invited to believe that a woman in Israel threw away her mother's old mattress, which was stuffed with $1 million because she didn't trust banks. [Sensible woman! Ed.]
   Thinking about it, BFN concludes that Mum is probably better off without it as the mattress must have been extremely uncomfortable to sleep on.

Black squareFlash: The BBC Has Lots Of Cash!!!
It has been revealed that the Beeb can afford to pay most of its top executives more than the prime monster, and drown them in expenses. In fact, the Beeb is so rolling in dosh that there's no need to put the licence fee up for at least 10 years, which is excellent news in a Brown Slump.

Black squareFamous death? Must be murder!
With a Brown Hole in the hundreds of millions in his accounts, it comes as no surprise to find that the L.A. police are trying to cook up a murder plot against M. Jackson's doctor. Millions of bucks from a medical malpractice suit would bring a small smile to the exorcists of the late musician's estate.
   Maybe it would be a good idea to get good old Doc Sloane (alias Dick Van Dyke) of the TV show Diagnosis Murder on the job. After all he's an expert in the black art of fitting people up!

 ELECTION NEWS 
  The Labour party looks to Iran for salvation?

Before the voting started for the Iranian presidential election, they were saying that Pres. Dinnerjacket wouldn't be re-elected if he didn't rig the vote. He was re-elected by a landslide. 'Nuff said! Apart from the observation that we expect a rush of applications for visas to Iran from the New Labour election apparatchiks.

Black squareAn Iran-watcher writes:
"Dear BFN
   "The above report hits the nail on the head in every aspect, apart from getting everything completely backwards. Pres. Dinner Jacket sent a team to England to find out how the Labour party does it before embarking on a postal voting scam of international proportions to capture the Iranian ex-pat vote, which is some 200% greater than the vote of people actually living there. If you control your nation's embassies, and you can send the ballot papers via the diplomatic mail, it's dead easy to do."
   p.s. "It doesn't really matter who's president in Iran because the jihadista mullahs are always in charge of the guys with guns."

UKIP No FlagDon't Vote, It Only Encourages Them, or Some Choice!

A reader writes:
Going to my polling station to do my constitutional duty turned out to be an interesting experience today. Instead of a ballot paper, I got a sheet of wallpaper and a choice of:

British National Party [Don't Mention the Garden Party]
Christian Party "Proclaiming Christ's Lordship" [Politics of the Bible Party]
Conservative Party [Dave the Leader's Scroungers]
English Democrats Party [EU Out, the European Free Trade Association In]
Jury Team [A coalition of Independents]
Liberal Democrats
No2EU: Yes To Democracy [Trade Unionists' Party]
Pro Democracy: Libertas.eu [Restore democracy to the EU, banish corruption]
Socialist Labour Party [Monster Raving Scargill Party]
The Green Party [Chuck Cash at Global Warming Swindles Party]
The Labour Party [The Economy Wreckers & Scroungers' Coalition]
United Kingdom Independence Party [Get Britain OUT of the EU Party]
Independent [Francis Apaloo Personal Party]

   So plenty of weirdos for a protest vote against the "snouts in the trough" main parties.

EU Flag
European Election Results for Britain
 

Conservative & Call Me Dave

9.5%

UKIP & Get Us the Hell out of Europe

5.7%

Labour & Give Us the Dosh

5.4%

Liberal & Please Notice Us

4.7%

Others

9.1%

None of the Above

65.6%

Black squareBusiness as usual with the new Speaker?
The Labour party has wished upon Parliament an expenses scrounger who wants a 55% pay increase for MPs. Although elected as a Tory member, J. Bercow has turned his coat to New Labour and he had to get Labour members to run his campaign because no Tories would take on the job.

FOODY NEWS

Deflation In Action

Black squareMars UK is swindling its customers, but what's new about that? most people ask. Its Mars bars are being made smaller but the price remains the same. Mars has come up with some PR bullshit about saving the nation from obesity, but let's be straight about it. This is Mars screwing the customers to bump up profits, aware of what it's doing and doing it just the same.
   Other size swindlers include Cadbury's, Kraft, Bird's Eye, Pringles, Ovaltine, Palmolive, Walker's Crisps, Strongbow, Heinz, Fox's, et al.

Black squareRip-off Britain
Food prices are up 8% in Britain when they're going down elsewhere in Europe. Why is that? Well, soaring profits for the big supermarkets have a lot to do with it. Having a Labour government explains the rest.

Black squareMadness in their Method?
Labour's anti-Brown plotters are said to have schemed over chicken madras in a West Midlands curry house. Shock, horror! It has been revealed that chicken factories are padding out their products with all sorts of chemicals as well as beef & pork scraps which are unfit for sale otherwise. Is it possible that the plotters have Mad Cow Disease caught from beefy chicken? Or is it just a terminal case of self-interest and eagerness to keep their snouts in the trough with the rest of the pork?

HEALTH NEWS

Weird, or what!

Black square"Half GPs will women in 4 years" said the headline in the Daily Mail. Which conjures up a vision of Harridan Harperson blowing even more taxpayers' cash on a pointless campaign of sex changes just to fulfil another pointless Labour party target.

Black squareDisease of the Month
Cubital Tunnel Syndrome is damage caused by holding a mobile phone to the ear for prolonged periods; a.k.a. Mobile Phone Elbow. The remedy – surgery or changing hands occasionally while using the mobile phone.

Black squarePhrase of the Month
Redactio ad absurdum a.k.a. the Brown approach to Transparency in Government.

Black squareWord of the Month
redact (v., political jargon) to apply blackwash to obscure the details of fraudulent expenses claims from Members of Parliament, who know that they are stealing from the public purse but believe they are entitled to do so.

Home News
 HOME NEWS 
UK Flag"I'm leaving to spend more time with my money!" or 'They have seen the future, and it's not brown'.

Back in 1978, we had the economy in shreds thanks to D. Healey's mismanagement and 'Sunny' Jim Callaghan in 10 Downing Street as a replacement for the gimmicky, smart-alec H. Wilson, who had baled out a couple of years earlier. Substitute the all flash and no substance T. Blair for Wilson and G. Brown for Healey & Callaghan, and we're right back 30 years in the past. So no wonder members of the Brown Cabinet are jumping ship so energetically. The only pity is that 'Call Me Dave' Cameron is no Mrs. Thatcher.

Black squareMissile Politics
A German student walked out of Cambridge Magistrates' Court a free man after facing charges arising from hurling a shoe at the Chinese prime monster. Martin Jhanke explained that it was just a form of protest, and he expected Wen Jiabao to be as skilled at ducking missiles as former US president George Dubya Bush. And he got away with it!

Black squareWhat did you do in the war, Daddy?
"What did the quitter & tax evader J. Purnell do in the Cabinet?" people were asking after he abandoned ship. The clue lies at the foot of his resignation letter: "Thank you for giving me the privilege of serving." So he must have passed the drinks round at the cocktail party at which the prime monster talked the sometime Lloyds TSB chairman V. Blank into taking over HBoS as a favour to the Labour party [peerage to follow, hint, hint, but didn't happen] and ruining one of the best-run banks in the country.

Black squareDesperate measures for desperate times
The Labour party has suddenly realized that the BNP has a point. Which is why, all of a sudden, our prime monster wants to dress up in BNP policies and put native British people at the top of the council housing queue instead of migrants. Cynical, or what!

A MESSAGE TO OUR HOST

Black squareDear Richard,
Thank you for your invitation to store my most treasured files on your free "V Stuff" Backup service. Please don't feel offended if I don't rush to take up the offer, but I put a website on some of your free webspace and I can't update it any more.
   I have been told by your technical guys that you updated the file servers "to make your customers' webspace much more efficient". Unfortunately, I have not been able to access my free webspace since early in April and your tech guys have told me, after about 3 weeks' messing about, that it could be months before the problem is fixed.
   Which leaves me wondering if the same could happen to 'treasured files' parked on your "V Stuff" Backup system.
   So thanks, Richard, but no thanks.

Regards, A. Customer.

QUESTIONS

Readers would like to know:

Black squareIs it true that people arrested for attempted suicide once faced the death penalty if convicted?
 • This sounds like a precursor of the case of the pensioner who died of a heart attack after the police tasered him because he'd threatened to kill himself. Ed.

Romiley News
 ROMILEY NEWS 
 Somewhere to put them, as well?

Stockport council has already outfitted us with a green wheely bin for garden offcuts, a black box for bottles & cans and a tough plastic bag for discarded newspapers. The next brilliant idea from the recycling department is to issue everyone with 2 more wheely bins; a BLUE one for newspapers, magazines, crardboard, phone books & drinks cartons, and a GORDON BROWN one for plastic bottles, food tins & drink cans, glass bottles & jars and aerosols.
   Which leaves the customers wondering, "Where the bloody Hell are we going to park all these wheely bins?"

Black squareBin-Mania Bandwagon
Welcome to the Daily Mail, which has jumped aboard BFN's "Where do we put it" wheely bin campaign. The Mail's next move will, no doubt, be an appeal to its rich readers to donate cash to support a legal challenge to the Town Hall Mafia and the bin policies! Sensible people should send the money to BFN instead, where it will be put to much better use.

Black squarePointless harassment of customers in Romiley by Virgin Media
As we're in the Greater Manchester area, Romiley's cable TV customers are supposed to get a local news programme called North West Today after the BBC One national news. But for 4 days, coinciding with the start of Bloody Wimbledon, we got Midlands Today instead for no apparent reason. No explanation received from Virgin Media in response to howls of protest, but if you were doing it to annoy the customers, Rickie, you certainly succeeded.

space news
 SPACE NEWS 
Bad News / Good News

There's a force called "Orbital Chaos" at work in the Solar system and it makes the orbits of the inner planets unstable. Which means that Venus or Mars could bash into the Earth!! But the good news is that it's not likely to happen in the next 5 billion years, and then the Sun will expand into a red giant and swallow up the inner planets out to Mars, so we won't be bothered about collisions.
 • The cheerful news about the collisions came from scientists messing about with computer models. And we all know accurate they are, especially when it comes to forecasting Great Global Warming Catastrophes.

WAR NEWS
Total non-event, mate!

Tank ManThe Chinese government would like to point out that absolutely nothing happened in Peking's Tianenmen Square twenty years ago this month. In June 1989, there were no peaceful protests against a repressive regime, no trigger-happy troops of the People's Extermination Army, no people-crushing tanks, no massacres of thousands of people, no nothing. And would the rest of the world kindly stop going on about something that never happened.

Black squareThe Germans made it to D Day + 65
They provided the military band for the survivors of 9 Para.

Black squareCorruption of limited life?
The Iranian regime must be quaking in its collective boots. Revolution worked in their country 30 years ago and it looks like the people are angry enough about a crudely rigged presidential election, and not seeing the benefits of living in the world's No. 3 oil-producing country, to do it all over again.

Black squareWarmonger Exposed
Iran's real leader, the Ayatollah Bunchofcommies, has named & shamed the person responsible for all the trouble in his country – Gordon Broon. The disgraced British prime monster is making trouble abroad as a distraction from Scotland Yard feeling the collars of about half of his thieving MPs as a prelude to yet another whitewash job.

Black squareSome Brownwash hosed off
Sir J. Chilcot has decided to hold 'most' of the Iraq war inquiry in public, and he's including military men in his panel of experts. He has not yet got to insisting that evidence be given under oath, probably to keep Tony Blair out of gaol on a perjury charge.

Black squareThe truth will out . . .
Blair & Brown are responsible for the Iraq shambles, according to a leaked secret report by General Sir M. Jackson. Blair is to blame for accepting the flawed US invasion plan with no strategy for the post-victory period, and Brown (then Chancellor) failed to provide the cash for sufficient equipment for the invasion and containment operations and got a whole lot of people killed unnecessarily.

world news
 WORLD NEWS 
Some Leadership At Last

Prince Charles took it upon himself to step over the rotting corpse of our dithering prime monster to ensure that there was be a British presence at the D Day + 65 do. His decisive action frustrated the ambition of President Sarko to rewrite the history of the Normandy invasion as an affair involving only Yanks & Frogs.

Cazzer's ShoesGadaffy In ItaliaDespot's Disease?
Why did Col. Gadaffy look such an idiot on his trip to Italy this month? Probably because he's surrounded by yes-persons and no one dared to tell him he looked a proper sight in his comic opera uniform.
   One could say much the same about the shoes the flounced-out former Brown minister Cazzer Floozy was flaunting at the beginning of the month to show what a with-it person she is.

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This Month's Garbage

The Garbage G. Brown for trying to blame the Royal Family for his screw ups over this month's D Day + 65 commemoration, and for lying about the real reason for the absence of Royals from the do. And also for claiming that he had anything to do with Prince Charles standing up for the British interest when he failed to do so.

The BBC, which has blown £225,000 of licence-payers' cash on legal manoeuvres against the Freedom of Information Act aimed at stopping licence-payers from knowing how much of their cash is paid to the BBC's hirelings.

The Labour party's useless plotters.

The bosses at the BBC, who have screwed the Corporation up and shocked the talent for asking them to take pay cuts while the screw-ups continue to thrive.

The management of Boots for giving the top job to A. "Train Wreck" Hornby of HBoS fame.

Col. Gadaffy in the comic opera uniform he wore for his visit to Italia.

The poisoned dwarf H. Bleary's crocodile tears over her attempt to cause terminal embarrassment to the prime monster with her resignation antics, which produced a motion of no confidence from her constituency party.

Lord Carter of Barnes, the Communications Minister, who said, "What's 50p a month?" Well, you Labour scrounger and the bloke who ran NTL into the ground, it's 50p we'd rather keep to spend or save in our own way rather than have it grabbed by a spendthrift government with no sense of financial responsibility.

The architect Richard Rogers, who doesn't think Prince Charles should be able to say in public that he thinks a Rogers design is carbuncular.

M. McGuinness, a leader of a criminal gang which murdered hundreds of British citizens, pontificating about attacks on Romanians in Ulster and bringing criminals to justice. [Instead of handing taxpayers' money to them? Ed.]

Any school which makes teachers wear safety goggles to use Blu Tack.

Gordon Brown's notion that broadband is as essential to everyone as water, gas & electricity.

Kirklees council, which wasted £5,000 on prosecuting the mother of a toddler which dropped a sweet wrapper out of a car window, only for the case to be tossed by the indignant judge.

Fata Lemes, an allegedly devout Moslem, who got a job in a cocktail bar, where they serve alcohol, which Moslems can't touch, then copped for £3,000 for refusing to wear an 'immodest' red dress even though, hypocrite that she is, she'd posted a cleavage shot of herself on the Internet.

Gordon Brown's notion that he could go into teaching when he's chucked out of Drowning Street. Teaching what? Picking pockets and lying about it?

Speaker John "Expenses Swindler" Bercow, a man with elastic principles and deep pockets.

A £15 million pay deal for Stephen Hester, the new boss of the RBS. Britain's most-broken bank (by Fred the Shred, whose ASBO requires him to live in France now) lost £36 Billion last year.

Mobile phones for 4-year-olds.

 
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