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 | Every edition of BFN is compiled
in accordance with official 10 Downing Street guidelines on accuracy and veracity. |
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POLITICAL CARTOON OF THE MONTH The award goes to:
Matt of the Sunday Telegraph, 2008/04/27 |  |
Ever wondered what the rules are for politics? CLICK HERE to find out! |
| Analog Buran glider to go on display in Germany |
 The Museum of Technology in Speyer took delivery of a prototype of the Soviet space shuttle this month. Like the US shuttle prototype Enterprise, this vehicle was never capable of space flight but, unlike Enterprise, it did have jet engines, which allowed it to take off independently and give pilots experience of Buran's gliding characteristics during unpowered landings.
Analog Buran 0.02 made 25 test flights. It was then retired from service and shown occasionally at air shows. After the collapse of the Soviet Union, it was sold to Australian businessman David Hammer, who put it on display at the time of the 2000 Sydney Olympics.
The vehicle was sold again and became stranded in Bahrain in 2002 when the new owner ran into money troubles. In the same year, Buran, the shuttle which actually made a single unmanned space flight, was destroyed in Russia when its hangar collapsed during repair work.
The rotting hulk of 0.02 was rediscovered by German journalists in 2004. A lengthy legal battle in the Bahrain courts followed. Everything seemed settled in 2007, but a Malaysian company which claimed ownership launched a new legal challenge.
Four years on from the rediscovery, Analog Buran 0.02 is now the property of the Auto & Technik Museum, Speyer, and the general public will be allowed to tramp around the much-restored vehicle in due course.
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 The European Commission has finally realized that its obsession with biofuels is causing starvation and increasing poverty around the world. So the EC is now looking for a way to ditch its 10% biofuel by 2020 target in a way that doesn't look like a U-turn.
 A definite glimmer of sanity!
How apt is it that President George Dubya Bhush should have struggled aboard the carbon dioxide swindle bandwagon right after more wheels came off the IPCC's forecasts of doom and Al Gore's prize-winning alarmism.
Dr. S. Fred Singer, professor emeritus of environmental sciences at the University of Virginia, has issued a counterblast to the mistakes and outright falsehoods which linger in the fourth draft of the IPCC's report on climate change (published last year). He has a lot of inconvenient truths to tell about the Great Carbon Dioxide Swindle.
Further details are available in this document:
http://www.sepp.org/publications/NIPCC-Feb%2020.pdf
 Mortgage monster half-dead
The government has long held the opinion that too much time, energy and money is wasted by people moving house. If they would only stay where they are, the argument runs, it would be a whole lot better for the environment.
A covert campaign to achieve domestic stability seems to have achieved an unprecedented level of success for a labour party project during the last year. The number of mortgage loans issued, the preferred 'mobility indicator', is currently at one-half of the level at the same time last year and the Chancellor is confident that the gloomy economic outlook will help to reduce the loan rate still further during the summer.
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 | | Fleshing out the legend |
The saga of the most celebrated, and baffling, robbery in American history has taken a new twist. In 1972, a man known only by his alias 'D.B. Cooper' hijacked a flight from Portland in Oregon to Seattle in Washington state. He said he had a bomb and he wanted a modest $200,000 and 2 parachutes.
The plane landed in Seattle, the passengers were released when the ransom was paid and the plane took off again, destination Mexico. But the hijacker baled out at the Oregon border and vanished.
36 years on, kids playing at Amboy, Washington, have found a buried parachute, which the FBI is planning to dig up. They are hoping to find either a body or evidence that 'Mr. Cooper' buried the parachute after a safe landing.
The bad news, however, is that he's probably spent the money by now.
 If you suddenly find yourself with less cash this month, it's because scotch gordon abolished the 10p income tax starting rate before he was sacked from the chancellor's job. Another reason is that his stooge, 'him with the eyebrows' has put up the price of booze unreasonably and upset the lower orders of the labour party.
 Amazing what you can get away with in the name of religion!
The sheriff of Airdrie's court has let a Moslem bloke off a driving ban for speeding so that he can drive back and forwards between the homes of his multiple wives and service them according to the demands of his religion.
 This woman deserves a Nobel prize!!
The police in South Africa have been given the right attitude to criminals. Susan Shabangu, the deputy safety & security minister, has ordered coppers to shoot first when confronted by bad guys.
"If criminals dare to threaten the police or the livelihood or lives of innocent men, women and children, they must be killed," she said. new labour take note.
 Putting the blame where it belongs
It has been suggested that, if Diana's drunken driver was responsible, with others, for her death, then his employer can be charged with corporate manslaughter. And isn't the employer some Egyptian shopkeeper?
Bewigged buffoons
The Appeal Court has decided that it is the 'uman right of every tin-pot terrorist on the planet to come here and sponge indefinitely off the British taxpayer who, apparently, has no 'uman rights.
You're all doomed!!
j. smith, the Home Sec., thinks it's vital that parliament votes to let the police question terrorists for 42 days instead of 28 days. Not to make the nation more secure, though. She has to get this Bill through Parliament to polish the image of a foundering prime monster as scotch gordon is backing the Bill when he's not backing the country over a cliff.
The Association of Cheap Police Officers strikes again!
ACPO has upset police forces up and down the country by persuading the looney lefties at the Guardian and the BBC to publish some of its spin. To give the government some good news, one of the ACPOistas put out a bogus story that migration has no effect on crime figures. Which leaves police forces with huge bills for translators and expenses arising from investigative trips to other EU countries wondering why ACPO is trying to give the Home Office a reason for not coughing up the cash to pay these bills.
Grand public-sector larceny
The Office of Fair Trading has accused 112 building firms, including the biggest in the country, of operating a price-fixing scam to rip off the taxpayer. When building projects for hospitals, universities, public housing, schools, etc. were put out to tender, the 'competitors' would decide who would win the contract. Then one 'loser' would put in a ridiculously high bid and let its 'rivals' submit inflated bids, or everyone would put in an inflated bid and the 'winner' would pay off the 'losers'. This cosy racket has taken the taxpayer for millions and millions.
A jihadista Moslem cleric and building trade worker has been given 4½ years in gaol for heckling failed Home Sec. john reid. So much for free speech!
How come they didn't spot this coming?
Psychics are up in arms because next month's new consumer regulations require them to prove that they can work spells, exorcise spirits, talks to the dead, tell fortunes, etc. Most of them expect to be out of work when the new regulations start to bite or driven underground.
Not soft on crime but positively cushy!
Whistle blowers in the prison service have revealed why the nation's gaols are bulging – drugs are cheaper there than on the outside, there's free satellite TV in the cells, breakfast in bed, staff in fear and trembling of breaching the inmates' 'uman rights and call girls are delivered on demand to no-go areas for the staff.
Life behind bars is now seen as cushier and more desirable than existence in broon's Britain, and people are even breaking in to gaols to enjoy it! |
| Bertie Ahern from the job of Irish Teashop |
He's spending so much time fighting off anti-corruption investigators, who are looking into allegations of taking bribes and dodging taxes, that he has decided to throw in the towel next month. Why wait? Because Bertie wants to get in a junket to the United States before he goes. As the best-paid PM in the democratic world, collecting the equivalent of an eye-watering 220 grand per year, he no doubt wants a shopping spree while he can to take advantage of the weak dollar.
He became famous as the only PM in the democratic world to be cashing his pay cheque at his local pub and he relied on the old ploy of not keeping proper records to put off investigation of how much cash went though his hands and where it came from (and went to). But that won't wash any more and he's jumping before he's pushed. smug bugger blair, who record on political corruption speaks for itself, thinks that Bertie is a good bloke. 'Nuff said!
The actor who was first choice for the lead in Biblical and historical epics in the 20th century has died at 84. A big man with a big voice, he played Moses, John the Baptist, El Cid, General Gordon, King Henry VIII, Buffalo Bill and Michelangelo, and he won an Oscar for his lead role in Ben Hur. He began a run of science-fiction films with Planet of the Apes, The Omega Man and Soylent Green, then he switched to big-time disaster films like Airport and Earthquake in the mid-1970s. His next moves were to TV soaps in the 1980s and finally to the theatre.
When not acting; he was a member of the 100+ Films Club; he was a gun collector and a past president of the National Rifle Association, and he was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom, America's highest civilian award, in 2003.
The godfather of chaos theory and the inventor of the 'butterfly effect' has died at 90. Prof. Lorenz was a meteorologist at MIT, who first spotted chaotic behaviour in mathematical models of weather systems. He realized that small changes in a dynamic system might trigger vast and unsuspected changes.
His observations led him to come up with the much abused Butterfly Effect – the notion that a butterfly flapping its wings in Brazil might set off a tornado in Texas. His work suggests that it may be fundamentally impossible to predict the weather more than two or three weeks ahead, which spares forecasters the humiliation of being held to account for dodgy long-range forecast!
Prof. Lorenz is credited with being responsible for the 3rd major scientific revolution in the 20th century, Chaos following the Relativity and Quantum Mechanics revolutions. His work has been applied to other fields of science, slipping the bounds of mathematics to influence thinking on physics, biology, social interactions and just about everything.
The jazz trumpeter and long-serving radio broadcaster has died aged 86. Humph took up the trumpet 72 years ago and he was still touring with his own band; he was in his 61st year as a bandleader; right up to his admission to hospital in the middle of this month. His greatest hit was Bad Penny Blues (1956), which was the first number by a British jazz act to enter the Top 20.
As well as an icon of the British jazz scene, he was a writer, cartoonist, humorist, and television and radio broadcaster. He presented The Best of Jazz on BBC Radio 2 for more than 40 years and hosted the Radio 4 show I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue, the self-proclaimed antidote to panel games, for 36 years. Humph was as essential to the latter show as any of the long-serving panelists with his wit and marvellous sense of timing as he switched from put-up seamlessly to put-down.
His services to broadcasting were recognized with a Sony Gold Award in 1993 and he received lifetime achievement awards at the Post Office British Jazz Awards (2000) and the BBC Jazz Awards (2001). |
| Nice work if you can get it |
 Adam Applecart, the bloke whose business strategy sank the Northern Rock bank, is to collect £760,000 payoff from the taxpayer as part of labour's policy of rewarding failure with lots of public money.
He also has over £2 million in his pension pot to cushion the blow of having made himself unemployable by any reputable company.
Our grinning prime monster has come up with a big broon strategy for winning the next election – he's planning to borrow lots more money and blow it in the hope that he can buy himself a victory. So it looks like we've gone from smug bugger to smug mugger!
Books or chairs?
Fat kids are causing another financial crisis in the education industry. They need bigger chairs than those which supported past generations. They also need reinforced designer chairs so that they don't end up with a bad back when they slump. No surprise, but the government is being difficult about paying for this necessary 'furniture upgrade'.
 "So that's why he's blocking investigation of MPs' expenses!"
gorbals mick, the Commons speaker, is now under investigation over the thousands of pounds of taxpayers' cash which his wife spent on taxis for her shopping trips.
"Only little people pay tax!"
Lord Sainsbury, the bloke who pays for the labour party, has dodged £27 million of capital gains tax just before the new tax year starts.
 Lloyds of London in trouble because the Gods aren't angry!
A lack of huge natural disasters around the world has led to the insurance giant's customers demanding lower premiums when their policies come up for renewal. Which means that the conglomerate's profit margins are shrinking. Shame!
The grabbers' alibi?
scotch gordon's abolition of the 10p tax band hits everyone earning less than £18,000 per year. MPs have just put in for a pay rise of £23,000 per year to save them the trouble of faking receipts for their second home expenses. Is this to make absolutely sure they're protected from the tax rise?
The 'independent' Bank of England has been ordered by the prime monster to cut the bank rate this month. "Independence, but not as we know it, Jim!"
The Daily Mail inflation index says:
Between April 2007 and April 2008, diesel fuel went up by 23.4%, unleaded petrol by 16.5%, food by 15.5%, electricity by 12.9%, gas by 12.5% and mortgages by 7.4%. Which makes the government's official figure of around 2% look rather pathetic.
Their hands in our pockets
The row over the abolition of the 10p tax rate is an inevitable consequence of the labour party's attitude to everyone else's money. scotch gordon thinks he has a divine right to compel everyone to hand over their earnings so that he can dish out as little pocket money as he thinks he can get away with to a favoured few. That's the sort of attitude which leaves politicians hanging from lamp posts. |
| Shoot the messenger, please! |
 The government is always wondering why people don't save cash for a rainy day any more. Well, having seen scotch gordon ruin the private savings industry, piss the nation's reserves up the wall and dig a monstrous Brown Hole of debt in the nation's finances, the reason might seen obvious.
But newspapers yelling that eating one sausage a day, or 3 rashers of bacon, dooms you to certain death by cancer might have a lot to do with it. And all the propaganda about the odd drink just makes matters worse.
A question for all the religious people out there: "Why did your God/Allah/Whatever invent cancer?"
Drinking 8 glasses of water a day will give you perfect health!
No, it won't. Another bit of bollux from the health gurus has been torpedoed by a study at Pennsylvania University in Philly. There's a total lack of evidence that drinking lots of water will make any difference to the health, or skin quality, of the average person.
Attention all middle-aged men! If you eat eggs, you will die of diabetes, according to the latest scaremongering from the USA.
Attention everyone who spends £333M/year on vitamins!
According to a study published by the Cochrane Library, you're wasting your money, the vitamins are doing you no good and they'll probably send you to an early grave.
And another study published by TCL says that spending a fortune on mattress protectors and special dust mite vacuum cleaners does nothing at all for asthma sufferers.
More official numbers that don't add up
As a result of the labour party's fragmentation of the former United Kingdom, Wales has population of 2.9 million but there are over 3 million people registered with its GPs. Abolishing prescription charges in the Principality; they cost £7.10 a pop in neighbouring England; is thought to have a lot to do with it.
You're definitely doomed!
If you have more than 2 drinks per day, you'll get Alzheimer's much earlier than if you'd stayed abstemious. And smoking and a high cholesterol level make the a bad situation even worse! |
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 | |  | Terminally Useless |
Ever wondered why the Home Office, the Ministry of Defence and other government departments are so useless? The truth has just come out – instead of doing their jobs, the staff spend most of their time doing pointless edits of entries in Wikipedia and their bosses, apparently, are powerless to stop them.
House of Frankenstein conspiracy theory demolished
Murder is off the table, the coroner told the jury at the Princess Di inquest. After having to listen to loads of lies for six months, Lord Justice Scott Baker got to tear most of the 'evidence' to shreds. So there's not much left for the jury to do other than return a verdict of accident or misadventure; and wonder who will play them in the movie when the Crown Film Unit tries to recoup some of the £7 billion wasted on the whole shambles.
 The foreman of the jury announced, after a 10-minute retirement, that everyone lost the will to live before lunchtime on the first day of the fiasco and no one gives a rat's ass any more. So there will be no verdict.
If you're evicted from your home, don't worry; it's only the nationalized Northern Rock bank shrinking its mortgage base.
Downing Street's mouthpiece has denied that eddie 'he's talking' balls and jack 'man of' straw almost had a punch-up at a cabinet meeting this month. So it must be true.
It's only Taxpayers' Money The government is blowing tens of thousands of pounds on 7-feet-tall vanity boards adorned with pictures of ministers. [Without the decency to add a 'shoot on sight' message. Ed.] The boy miliband, mrs. bucket, hilary benn and john reid were all among the vanity mob.
Former deputy prime monster and present political joke j. "2 Jags" prescott wishes it to be known that he used to suffer from the eating disorder greedy pigia. So he must be looking for sympathy for some undisclosed reason.
Not wanted on voyage!
scotch gordon is such political poison that his back-benchers are begging him not to hit the streets and scowl at the punters in the run-up to the council elections on May 1st. They are trying desperately to avoid turning a bad situation into total catastrophe.
• Things are so bad in London that if the labour party is mentioned in the same paragraph as ken livingstone, he loses even more support! |
| One law for your colour, another for ours |
"As President Mug clings on to power by his fingertips in Zimbabwe, he does so only courtesy of the racialist regime in South Africa, which was quite happy to impose economic sanctions and mount an oil blockade against a white government in Rhodesia but wasn't so keen to do the same when a corrupt black regime was involved."
If President Mug does actually go, Britain's racialist lefties will have to look for another champion. Q here for the auditions!
Now we know why Pres Mug had 9 million ballot forms printed for an electorate of 6 million. He's having 'recounts' done and using the spare forms to eliminate the opposition's majority in Zimbabwe's parliament.
The government says: "If you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to fear" as an argument for imposing ID cards. So why doesn't this argument apply to publishing MPs' expenses?
"Does it count as a boycott of the Olympics if you announce you're not going to watch the Games on TV even though you had no intention of watching in the first place and you've never watch them in the past?"
"The argument for Creationism by some mad deity becomes compelling when one realizes that the likes of tony 'smug bugger' blair, 'scotch' gordon brown, johnny 'two jags' prescott and George W. Bush could never have come out of a process of evolution by selection of the fittest."
"The posturing Campaign Against Climate Change will have as much success as King Knut had at stopping the tide from coming in. The only difference is that King Knut knew that he was bound to fail and he was just holding a masterclass in futility."
"66 labour revolts against scotch gordon since he became prime monster suggests he must be doing something right. But it's im-bloody-possible to spot what it could be."
What we have here is failure to apply the law
"Just a thought, but why can't homicidal Islamistas be sectioned under the Mental Health Act? Then, they can be put on medication to stop them believing that they'll give pleasure to their god and end up in paradise if they kill enough innocent people who don't subscribe to their particular deity."
"It says a lot about his character that scotch gordon, 57, has only just realized that a politician's dipping his fingers into other people's pockets can have a severely detrimental effect on their lives."
"The labour party's standard reaction to a self-inflicted shambles is to draw a line under it and move on, having learnt nothing and having done nothing to repair the damage." |
 | | ATV @ ISS |
 Jules Verne, Europe's first Automated Transfer Vehicle, made a successful automatic docking with the International Space Station on the first Thursday of the month.
Even though the spacecraft is supposed to provide a fully automated delivery service, a crew was standing by in the ESA control room to switch it off and complete the manoeuvre manually, if necessary. Which kind of defeats the whole object of the exercise. After all, why go to the expense of building, testing and installing an automatic docking process if you have to have a bunch of human beings looking on and ready to take over when the beast gets to the ISS?
Typical European Union thinking; spend the money because the taxpayers have plenty more.
Anatoly Perminov, head of the Russian space agency Roskosmos, thinks it would be a good idea to rename the next crew-carrying flight to the ISS. The last one was Soyuz TMA-12. Gospodin Perminov would like the next one to be named Soyuz TMA-14. And recalling what happened to Apollo 13, it might not be an entirely daft idea. |
 | | More unintended consequences |
WARNING!!! If you travel via Heathrow's now notorious Terminal 5, you won't be able to get insurance for the baggage that's bound to be lost. |
| New Olympic sport born in London |
 "Torch Surfing" turned out to be an ass-kicking contest between people protesting about Chinese repression and murders in Tibet versus a combined force of Chinese goons and London coppers, which had to force a path through the ranks of protesters and prevent them from blowing the torch out.
Around 2,000 coppers were allowed to rack up Sunday overtime, bringing the total bill for the Parade of Shame to around £1,000,000. And the Chinese won't be picking up the bill for their spot of political posturing; our labour government is quite happy to let the British taxpayer take care of it.
The Chinese rent-a-mob had a similarly energetic day in Paris, where the police were on rollerskates instead of the bikes favoured by London Bobbies. The protesters had the torch extinguished 3 times on 'elf 'n' safety grounds and got the whole dismal procession called off in the early stages. Next stop, San Francisco.
In the City of the Bay, they deployed all the stooges in the Chinese population along one route to distract the demonstrators then sneaked the torch along a few empty back streets for the TV cameras. And the planned closing ceremony was dropped off the calendar without ceremony.
Swindlers' Charter
Cost controls for the 2012 Olympics are non-existent and the organizers are 'spending money like water', according to the latest performance audit. The Olympic stadium will now cost £500 million instead of £280 million, the aquatics centre with cost £303 million rather than the budgetted £73 million and the velopark has gone up from £30 million to £80 million.
The current bill for the whole rip-off stands at £9.5 billion and it's heading for £12 billion. The government lied about the cost of the games by putting in an artificially low bid and the minister in charge, tessa jowell, is still lying – the latest one is about the size of her mysterious contingency fund, which has been found to contain £1 billion more than she is willing to admit. |
The 2,500 troops, who were supposed to be coming home from Iraq this spring, have to stay put. scotch gordon announced the withdrawal only as an election gimmick. And as he bottled out of an October 2007 general election, the troops have to stay put.
Posturing Pratt, Paper Tiger
Children's Sec. eddie "is it brown or is it balls?" is trying to make himself look good to the class warriors in the labour party by picking a fight with faith schools. Apparently, he thinks his bogus jihad will go down well with rock-solid, lower-class grabbers and they can outweigh indignation from the Jewish, R.C. and C.o.E lobbies.
This is widely seen as a distraction from the contradiction of the labour party urging kids to go out and play to get their weight down while their government is secretly selling off school playing grounds.
Outgoing London mayor k. livingstone has denied allegations that he has been trying to have as many kids with as many women as possible to build up his vote in the mayoral election.
Good Point!
Bar staff can now sue the landlord of a pub or management of a club if customers call them 'love'. Which leaves landlords/managers wondering if they will be in the firing line if someone asks a midget barperson for a 'short' or a fattie for a glass of 'stout'.
Service people have 'uman rights, shock-horror!
If the Ministry of Defence and this useless labour government send someone into a war without proper equipment, that's a crime against that person's 'uman rights, a High Court judge has decided. Which means that all the jobsworths at the MoD and in the government can be sued for negligence by anyone who was injured due to defective or inadequate equipment. (Or the relatives of anyone who was killed.)
 Germans admit gas attack on southern England
Der Gestank, to give it the official name, was caused by a combination of German farmers anointing their fields with pig muck and very strong winds from the east, which acquired a pong of pig on top of their Siberian chill. The German manure season normally begins on February 1st but it was delayed this year due to cold weather. (So much for global warming! Ed.)
Nutter in action?
Presidential wannabe Hilary Clinton has promised to nuke Iran if they nuke Israel. Fine. Except for 2 things: 1. Iran doesn't have nuclear weapons. 2. She's never going to be president of the United States with her finger on the nuclear button. And 3. She'd be locked up as insane if she ever tried to push that button on such a flimsy pretext..
Her next outburst is predicted to be a threat to nuke Ireland as she is accusing her Democratic party rival, Senator O'Bama, of being in league with O'Sama, the world's nastiest terrorist.
 A busted flush?
The Clunking Fist has been taken to the House of Commons' garage after it suffered terminal damage in the St. George's Day Massacre. scotch gordon the prime monster was forced by his own back-benchers to undo the damage cause by the 10p tax rate grab, which he orchestrated a year ago while chancellor.
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 | | No Highway! |
Chinese Internet criminals have targetted pro-Tibet websites with an attempt to attach spyware to their web pages. Their aim was to take over the computers of people who visited the sites but their knavish tricks seem to have been thwarted successfully.
Some bunglers just can't win!
scotch gordon has been deprived of a double Olympic jolly. He's been told he can't go to both the start and the end of the Peking Olympics, so he's picked a junket to the closing day. Which has left him open to accusations of joining the growing boycott of the opening day!
A man of lesser significance
It says everything about scotch gordon's prime ministership; that he went to the USA to be important and ended up 99th on the TV news schedule because the Pope arrived just a couple of hours ahead of him.
 The Great European Swindle continues
The governments of the EU countries are conspiring to keep a lid on all bad news about the European monster while the Irish government is trying to wangle a 'yes' vote in its referendum on the Lisbon Treaty.
A Mr. R. Mugabe of Zimbabwe has been drafted in as a special referendum advisor to spare the Irish government the embarrassment of having to re-run it if the people fail to provide the right answer the first time around.
Scotland is full of rats! Official!
The Scottish rat population has matched the human population of 5 million individuals and it is set to achieve a majority very soon if someone doesn't come up with a good recipe for the wee beasties in a hurry and make rat the new chicken.
[How about Ratatouille with real rat? Ed.]
The EC shoves its beak in again
The European Commission is sounding off because scotch gordon's bungling has run up a deficit in Britain's accounts of more than 3% of GDP. Fine, except that we're not part of the euro-zone so what out economy does is none of the EC's business and all the hot air is wasted.
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top | Created for Romiley Anarchists' League by workers in revolt against oppression.
Sole © RAL,
April 2008. |
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Heathrow's Terminal 5 – or more specifically, the morons running it.