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POLITICAL CARTOON OF THE MONTH
The award goes to:
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The Museum of Technology in Speyer took delivery of a prototype of the Soviet space shuttle this month. Like the US shuttle prototype Enterprise, this vehicle was never capable of space flight but, unlike Enterprise, it did have jet engines, which allowed it to take off independently and give pilots experience of Buran's gliding characteristics during unpowered landings.
The European Commission has finally realized that its obsession with biofuels is causing starvation and increasing poverty around the world. So the EC is now looking for a way to ditch its 10% biofuel by 2020 target in a way that doesn't look like a U-turn.
A definite glimmer of sanity!
Mortgage monster half-dead
The saga of the most celebrated, and baffling, robbery in American history has taken a new twist. In 1972, a man known only by his alias 'D.B. Cooper' hijacked a flight from Portland in Oregon to Seattle in Washington state. He said he had a bomb and he wanted a modest $200,000 and 2 parachutes.
If you suddenly find yourself with less cash this month, it's because scotch gordon abolished the 10p income tax starting rate before he was sacked from the chancellor's job. Another reason is that his stooge, 'him with the eyebrows' has put up the price of booze unreasonably and upset the lower orders of the labour party.
Amazing what you can get away with in the name of religion!
This woman deserves a Nobel prize!!
Putting the blame where it belongs
You're all doomed!!
The Association of Cheap Police Officers strikes again!
Grand public-sector larceny
A jihadista Moslem cleric and building trade worker has been given 4½ years in gaol for heckling failed Home Sec. john reid. So much for free speech!
How come they didn't spot this coming?
Not soft on crime but positively cushy!
He's spending so much time fighting off anti-corruption investigators, who are looking into allegations of taking bribes and dodging taxes, that he has decided to throw in the towel next month. Why wait? Because Bertie wants to get in a junket to the United States before he goes. As the best-paid PM in the democratic world, collecting the equivalent of an eye-watering 220 grand per year, he no doubt wants a shopping spree while he can to take advantage of the weak dollar.
The actor who was first choice for the lead in Biblical and historical epics in the 20th century has died at 84. A big man with a big voice, he played Moses, John the Baptist, El Cid, General Gordon, King Henry VIII, Buffalo Bill and Michelangelo, and he won an Oscar for his lead role in Ben Hur. He began a run of science-fiction films with Planet of the Apes, The Omega Man and Soylent Green, then he switched to big-time disaster films like Airport and Earthquake in the mid-1970s. His next moves were to TV soaps in the 1980s and finally to the theatre.
The godfather of chaos theory and the inventor of the 'butterfly effect' has died at 90. Prof. Lorenz was a meteorologist at MIT, who first spotted chaotic behaviour in mathematical models of weather systems. He realized that small changes in a dynamic system might trigger vast and unsuspected changes.
The jazz trumpeter and long-serving radio broadcaster has died aged 86. Humph took up the trumpet 72 years ago and he was still touring with his own band; he was in his 61st year as a bandleader; right up to his admission to hospital in the middle of this month. His greatest hit was Bad Penny Blues (1956), which was the first number by a British jazz act to enter the Top 20.
Adam Applecart, the bloke whose business strategy sank the Northern Rock bank, is to collect £760,000 payoff from the taxpayer as part of labour's policy of rewarding failure with lots of public money.
Our grinning prime monster has come up with a big broon strategy for winning the next election he's planning to borrow lots more money and blow it in the hope that he can buy himself a victory. So it looks like we've gone from smug bugger to smug mugger!
Books or chairs?
"So that's why he's blocking investigation of MPs' expenses!"
"Only little people pay tax!"
Lloyds of London in trouble because the Gods aren't angry!
The grabbers' alibi?
The 'independent' Bank of England has been ordered by the prime monster to cut the bank rate this month. "Independence, but not as we know it, Jim!"
The Daily Mail inflation index says:
Their hands in our pockets
The government is always wondering why people don't save cash for a rainy day any more. Well, having seen scotch gordon ruin the private savings industry, piss the nation's reserves up the wall and dig a monstrous Brown Hole of debt in the nation's finances, the reason might seen obvious.
A question for all the religious people out there: "Why did your God/Allah/Whatever invent cancer?"
Drinking 8 glasses of water a day will give you perfect health!
Attention all middle-aged men! If you eat eggs, you will die of diabetes, according to the latest scaremongering from the USA.
Attention everyone who spends £333M/year on vitamins!
More official numbers that don't add up
You're definitely doomed!
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Ever wondered why the Home Office, the Ministry of Defence and other government departments are so useless? The truth has just come out instead of doing their jobs, the staff spend most of their time doing pointless edits of entries in Wikipedia and their bosses, apparently, are powerless to stop them.
House of Frankenstein conspiracy theory demolished
If you're evicted from your home, don't worry; it's only the nationalized Northern Rock bank shrinking its mortgage base.
Downing Street's mouthpiece has denied that eddie 'he's talking' balls and jack 'man of' straw almost had a punch-up at a cabinet meeting this month. So it must be true.
It's only Taxpayers' Money The government is blowing tens of thousands of pounds on 7-feet-tall vanity boards adorned with pictures of ministers. [Without the decency to add a 'shoot on sight' message. Ed.] The boy miliband, mrs. bucket, hilary benn and john reid were all among the vanity mob.
Former deputy prime monster and present political joke j. "2 Jags" prescott wishes it to be known that he used to suffer from the eating disorder greedy pigia. So he must be looking for sympathy for some undisclosed reason.
Not wanted on voyage!
"As President Mug clings on to power by his fingertips in Zimbabwe, he does so only courtesy of the racialist regime in South Africa, which was quite happy to impose economic sanctions and mount an oil blockade against a white government in Rhodesia but wasn't so keen to do the same when a corrupt black regime was involved."
The government says: "If you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to fear" as an argument for imposing ID cards. So why doesn't this argument apply to publishing MPs' expenses?
"Does it count as a boycott of the Olympics if you announce you're not going to watch the Games on TV even though you had no intention of watching in the first place and you've never watch them in the past?"
"The argument for Creationism by some mad deity becomes compelling when one realizes that the likes of tony 'smug bugger' blair, 'scotch' gordon brown, johnny 'two jags' prescott and George W. Bush could never have come out of a process of evolution by selection of the fittest."
"The posturing Campaign Against Climate Change will have as much success as King Knut had at stopping the tide from coming in. The only difference is that King Knut knew that he was bound to fail and he was just holding a masterclass in futility."
"66 labour revolts against scotch gordon since he became prime monster suggests he must be doing something right. But it's im-bloody-possible to spot what it could be."
What we have here is failure to apply the law
"It says a lot about his character that scotch gordon, 57, has only just realized that a politician's dipping his fingers into other people's pockets can have a severely detrimental effect on their lives."
"The labour party's standard reaction to a self-inflicted shambles is to draw a line under it and move on, having learnt nothing and having done nothing to repair the damage."
Jules Verne, Europe's first Automated Transfer Vehicle, made a successful automatic docking with the International Space Station on the first Thursday of the month.
Anatoly Perminov, head of the Russian space agency Roskosmos, thinks it would be a good idea to rename the next crew-carrying flight to the ISS. The last one was Soyuz TMA-12. Gospodin Perminov would like the next one to be named Soyuz TMA-14. And recalling what happened to Apollo 13, it might not be an entirely daft idea.
WARNING!!! If you travel via Heathrow's now notorious Terminal 5, you won't be able to get insurance for the baggage that's bound to be lost.
"Torch Surfing" turned out to be an ass-kicking contest between people protesting about Chinese repression and murders in Tibet versus a combined force of Chinese goons and London coppers, which had to force a path through the ranks of protesters and prevent them from blowing the torch out.
The 2,500 troops, who were supposed to be coming home from Iraq this spring, have to stay put. scotch gordon announced the withdrawal only as an election gimmick. And as he bottled out of an October 2007 general election, the troops have to stay put.
Posturing Pratt, Paper Tiger
Outgoing London mayor k. livingstone has denied allegations that he has been trying to have as many kids with as many women as possible to build up his vote in the mayoral election.
Service people have 'uman rights, shock-horror!
Germans admit gas attack on southern England
Nutter in action?
A busted flush?
Chinese Internet criminals have targetted pro-Tibet websites with an attempt to attach spyware to their web pages. Their aim was to take over the computers of people who visited the sites but their knavish tricks seem to have been thwarted successfully.
Some bunglers just can't win!
A man of lesser significance
The Great European Swindle continues
Scotland is full of rats! Official!
The EC shoves its beak in again
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