Black Bandits Buzz Romiley
It was getting on for lunchtime (12:30 pm) on the second Tuesday of the month -- a miserable, wet day. Suddenly, 5 black fighter aircraft blasted across Romiley. The mystery intruders were keeping beneath the horizon-to-horizon clouds and flying low enough to be busted for contravening air-traffic height regulations. They certainly rattled the tiles and slates of Romiley roofs as they roared over the town. Their course was east-south-east, which suggested that they were on their way from Barton Aerodrome to give Marple, Hayfield and possibly even Chesterfield a fright. Who were they? Who knows?
Euro Sour Grapes?
Why is the pro-euro mob up in arms because 3% of the anti-euro commercial was devoted to Rik Mayall doing Hitler? Were the pros planning to use der Führer themselves? And are they narked because the antis got in first?
Another Cock-Up Coming
Identity cards for all -- a good idea or a bad one? Or as Keith Waterhouse asked in the Daily Mail, "What are they for?"
Noisy Car Of The Week
H313 TFR takes the biscuit. Our expert said: "Any piece of mechanical equipment which generates that amount of sound when the vehicle is just parked outside someone else's house with the engine ticking over has to have an incredibly low efficiency rating."
Traffic Chaos To Order
London led the way, now other towns and cities are introducing "interstitial" traffic light delays with all the subtlety of one of the Chancellor's stealth taxes.
A Lookist Cult Of The Viewer
Are you fat? Ugly? Old? Lame? Then the organizers of the Commonwealth Games don't want you to go to Manchester to officiate. The judges, scorers, time-keepers, etc. have to be telegenic and able to 'enhance the youthful image of the Games'.
A company called Powderject bunged New Labour £100,000 and was awarded a £28 million contract to procure smallpox vaccine. The company doesn't make the vaccine. All it had to do was order it from a Swedish company -- something which HM Government seems incapable of doing when there's bunger to reward.
Princess Di's Ditch
If someone's going to spend £3 million on a memorial fountain, you expect to see serious amounts of water shooting into the air from an impressive structure. Which is why most people couldn't see why Princess Di's Ditch qualified as a fountain at first. But it appears to be two sets of shallow steps with water trickling down them.
Any Fule Kno That!
The alleged news meeja seem to have rediscovered what anyone with a trace of education has always known, namely that the current occupants of England, most of the white-skinned ones, are descended from Angular Saxons, who invaded the British Isles from Europe and pushed the occupants at that time into Wales.
Does Vince Know Something We Don't?
According to the WWF, Mankind (What, that nice Mick Foley?) is using the Earth up so fast that the human race will have to colonize another planet within the next 50 years. We can just imagine Vince McMahon strutting out for a rant at the start of one of his wrestling shows and telling us that sports entertainment will soon be on offer on Earth II. There won't be enough hours in the day to fit in all his spin-off TV shows!
The parents of Pakistan's competitors at the Commonwealth Games in Manchester have had to post a £10K bond, which is returnable only if the athlete goes back to Pakistan.
Gudburger Strikes Back!
The Gudburger chain of hamburger restaurants is taking legal action against Mr. Baesar Carber (56, 31 stone), a New York janitor, who blames Gudburger for making him a fast-food addict and causing his diabetes, high blood pressure, high bad cholesterol level, premature baldness and 3 heart attacks. His lawyers are demanding $35 million in punitive damages.
Iraq Can Relax - For The Moment!
Vice-Prez Blair has had a word with Prez Bush and the Saddam Hussein of all wars won't break out while the Vice-Prez is on his latest freebie summer holiday. After that, watch out!
Schumacher investigated over 'attempted murder' of Villeneuve
A cutting from the Grauniad with the above headline [dated 07/01/1998] caught the editor's eye while he was trawling through the archives on a research project. This was a few months after the Forces of Evil M. Schumacher had tried to cheat his way to the Formula One drivers' championship using the "crash into your opponent" tactic which had worked so well in the case of Damon Hill.
The new £5 notes with the vanishing serial numbers were printed with the numbers on top of the long-life varnish layer instead of under it. The bad news is that the problem can be corrected only by giving the 200million notes an extra varnish layer at a cost to the taxpayer of £250million.
An Iranian court has passed a death sentence on a man who raped and murdered his 16-year-old nephew. The method of execution involves tossing the criminal off a cliff in a sack. And hanging him if he survives the drop.
You can't hear yourself think on the International Space Station - and that's official. The noise from the equipment, such as the fans needed to circulate the atmosphere and cooling fluids, makes the ISS so loud that most conversations contain the word, "What?" as frequently as a World Wrestling Federation TV show in the Steve Austin Era.
What, Another One?
This month's Death Rock is 2002 NT7. Just 2 weeks after spotting it, an 'expert' has calculated that it could hit the Earth on February 1st, 2019 with enough force to do to humans what the Yucatan Death Rock did to the dinosaurs. But we in Romiley are not bothered -- mainly because we know that when the asteroid's orbit has been calculated properly, surprise! It won't be on a collision course with the Earth after all.
|Created for Romiley Anarchists' League by workers in revolt against oppression.|
Sole © RAL, July 2002.