I Am Legend (2002, Will Smith) looks like a rip-off of the Vincent Price film The Last Man on Earth. A lady doctor claims she's created a viral cure for cancer, and all 10,009 trial cases were cured. 3 years later, New York is deserted apart from deer, lions and Dr. Robert Neville driving his dog around like a lunatic. What happened is shown in flashbacks.
   The virus mutated, the president put New York City under quarantine and Neville sent his family out but carried on looking for a cure at his lab. Neville is daft enough to go into a dark building and get attacked by the zombies produced by the mutated virus. He keeps trapping them and trying to cure them; without much luck.
   Neville is caught in a trap and doesn't get free until nightfall. He remembers the bridges being blown to isolate Manhattan island. He's rescued by Anna, who has a kid in tow. She's sure there's a colony of survivors in Vermont; God told her!
   Neville tells her that everyone else is either a monster or became monster-food and there is no god. Zombies attack his house on the day he finds that his latest cure trial worked. So he gives it to Anna, who makes it to Vermont and the other survivors, and blows himself up with the zombies.

Ice Quake (2010) It's Xmas and a Russian ice shelf collapses. In fact, there are eruptions of freezing gas all over the place in Alaska. The US military suspects the Russians are up to something to claim more territory in the Arctic. The Colonel [Sydney's dad in Alias] briefs Michael [the evil D.B. Cooper from CSI:Miami], who returns to his family in nice time to be attacked by freezing eruptions.
   They're like volcanic pyroclasts only made of ice. After a huge avalanche, the kids are separated from Michael & Mom by a sudden chasm. A well-known nutter, the Methane Man, who believes the dinosaurs were wiped out by it, sneaks past the army onto the Alaskan mountain.
   Gale-force bad weather approaches. Methane Man explains his theory to Michael and one of the soldiers makes a connection to a cave system. Methane Man is rescued by a chopper; which is shot down by an ice eruption and crashes. Not much of a storm arrives, and Mike and his family are rescued.
   Mike tells the Colonel that liquid methane is sloshing through the caves, and it's heading for Fairbanks. So the plan becomes to blow up 2 strategic points, which will divert the methane toward an oil storage depot, which can be blown up to get rid of the methane. So Fairbanks is saved, and Mike even rescues the family dog.

Ice Sharks (2016) A bloke harassing polar bears in the Arctic and his dog team are hauled into the sea and chomped by a shark. Some sensors recording how fast humans are melting the ice seems to be doing too good a job. The polar bear guy went missing 5 miles from a base, so a couple of scientists go out to look for him. There's a storm coming in, natch.
   The searchers find some shark teeth. David has a close encounter with a shark and goes for a swim. Man-made Global Warming has made the Greenland shark evolve into a savvy killer; but it still stinks of pee. Sammy finds that the sensors are working okay but a shark bites his leg off and he croaks. Sharks try to cut the Oasis station loose from the ice pack.
   Eddie the idiot gets himself killed. Depth charges made from propane tanks just make things worse and the radio aerial collapses. Then the station ends up in the sea and sinks. Michael goes for a swim and gets battery power from the MPR. An icebreaker arrives and tries to lift the station out of the water, but sharks crash the helicopter and eat Michael.
   Tracy has a bright idea. David and Alex brave the sharks. Chomp! No Alex. A shark crashes through a window but fails to eat Tracy and lands on the deck of the icebreaker. Tracy and David are saved but nearly eaten by the shark, which has to be blasted off the icebreaker.

Ice Spiders (2007) is set in the snowy wonderland of Lost Mountain, Utah. 2 guys out hunting elk spot a freakin' HUGE spider. Chomp! A gang of Olympic ski-hopeful kids arrive at the resort where Dash, the former ski-hero, works. Ranger Rick asks Dash to help him look for Bob and Rocky. Dr. April Sommers, at the lab up the hill, finds the place full of chewed bodies and Jose in a cocoon. Her spiders are loose and hungry and the phones don't work.
   A military expedition heads for the lab to investigate the loss of contact. Dash finds a chewed body. Prof. Wiseguy tells the soldiers to recover the "subjects" and tells Doc Sommers to shut up when she realizes he's accelerated the growth of her spider. Dash and Ranger Rick find really BIG cocoons. Chomp! No Ranger Rick.
   Dash runs over a spider; 5 left. Chomp! 2 dead skiers. Not, lots of dead skiers. Everyone inside the lodge. No help available because the crazy professor cuts off the phones. The ski kids drive off in their bus, the stoopid one crashes it and they get Frank killed but they make it back to the lodge. Doc Sommers tells Dash about the spiders. He kills the green bug then plays spider bait.
   The soldiers have crated the spider which attacked the bus. 3 more are neutralized and then blown up by the avalanche cannon on Dash's instructions. One survives long enough to chomp the professor. Then an even bigger asshole than him arrives to stroll off with the last spider and spray about a silly story about a release of hallucinogenic chemicals, which doesn't exactly explain 30 dead bodies.

Icetastrophe (2014) Everything's freezing! Oh, crap, here we go, 6 hours earlier. It's Xmas and snowing on Lennox, and an abnormal asteroid is incoming. Dysfunctional family? Check. The town has a new retail complex about to open but the meteorite splits up in mid-air and the blue part lands on Lennox and starts freezing everything.
   Ice clumps sprout from the ground. Charlie, our hero, meets Alex (she spotted the asteroid) and that's the 6 hours up. An ice volcano starts chucking ice-lava bombs. Alex thinks extreme heat will stop the sub-atomic chain reaction and the freeze.
   She and Charlie chuck dynamite at the freeze-monster and find the other half of the meteorite in an unfrozen area. A piece of it reverses the big freeze! Hooray.

Ice Twisters (2009) A team using a swarm of remote-controlled drones to make rain caused a disaster in Oregon right where Charlie Price was signing his latest disaster book. He had abandoned science for science-fiction but he had to be drawn into the secret by the team in the field. Rogue storm cells were freezing everything in their path so Joanna wanted to abort the project because people had been killed but Frank, the boss back at HQ, said no.
   Icy tornadoes started to form and Charlie's bimbo assistant drove into one! Charlie decided the drones were causing vertical weather; the storms were forming high up in the atmosphere and forcing themselves downwards. Freezing twisters wrecked the team's field monitoring station and multiple storms headed for Portland.
   The field team tried, and failed, to reprogram the drones so Frank had them shot out of the sky and put his shredder on overtime. But the storms just got worse. Frank was blackmailed into letting Gary have access to some satellites, and he wedged open the ozone layer to defuse the storms. Portland was saved and Frank ended up totally screwed.

I Come In Peace [a.k.a. Dark Angel] (1990, Dolph Lundgren) Jack Caine, a detective with Houston PD, has his partner killed by a gloating drug baron. The FBI crashes in and Agent Smith, who is about 2 feet shorter than Caine, is made the new partner. To complicate things, there's an alien on the planet, stealing heroin to feed to humans to let him harvest endorphins, and an alien cop after him.
   The drug baron decamps to Rio and tells his minions to take out Caine. The local PD is eager to make him take a break but he keeps on truckin'. Some nameless agency steps in to cover up the alien connection. The alien cop is killed and Caine, his girlfriend and the diminutive Smith are left to sort out the alien bad guy. That done, Caine decides to take a holiday in Rio.

Identity (2003) Rivers, a serial killer, is taken to a sanity hearing on the night before his scheduled execution. Then the film starts going through a series of accidents in reverse order to get a whole gang of people to a Nevada motel, which is cut off by flooded sections of road to either side. The cast includes an ex-cop, a hooker, a prisoner with a marshall, a past-it actress, and a family of 3 including Mom, who was badly injured when she walked in front of the ex-cop's car.
   The past-it actress is killed and put in a tumble-drier. The prisoner busts loose but he goes round in a circle in the pouring rain and arrives back at the motel. Hysterical Lou's demise is a welcome relief. The prisoner is bashed, tied up and killed next. Each body is being tagged with a room key – counting down from 10.
   There's a body in the freezer of Larry, the motel guy, and he kills another guy while trying to flee. Meanwhile, the sanity hearing has started. Larry says he found the frozen guy dead and just took over the motel, expecting the owner's relatives to show up. But none did. The survivors find they all have the same birthday; May 10th.
   The ex-cop suddenly finds he's talking to the sanity hearing in a strange body. He is told that Rivers has multiple personality syndrome and you, Edward, are one of the personalities. The motel exists only in Rivers' imagination and he is receiving personality reduction treatment. A shrink is trying to eliminate the killer personality.
   Back at the motel, Paris, the hooker, finds that the marshall is really a convict, who killed a marshall transporting 2 prisoners and took his place. Larry clobbers him but ends up shot. Ed is shot but he kills the convict. Rivers has his execution cancelled in favour of a transfer to the Nevada Nuthouse. But on the way there, the shrink finds that the killer personality isn't dead and he gets throttled!

The Ides of March (2000) Thomas is one of a gang of killers, but he's been cheating. He has warned clients and let them buy their life. Then he's rumbled. He gets his wife and kid to safety and realizes that his only option is to kill the rest of the killers. His personal support network is wiped out. Thomas parks himself in a small town in New Mexico and waits for Ray, the boss, and the rest to arrive.
   Ray wipes out most of the sheriff's department and goes for a cup of tea. The remaining deputy sides with Thomas, who gets him to evacuate the town. Lots of encounters with killers, lots of dead killers. Thomas is about to be wiped out but he discovers that his wife had paid Uncle, the oldest of the killers, his entire fortune of $30 million to keep him alive for a new start.

Idiocracy (2005) In the future, humanity has given up on selecting the fittest in favour of breeding idiots . . . In 2005, the US Army put their most average male, Joe, and a prostitute called Rita with a criminal record into a 1-year hibernation experiment. But the guy in charge of the program was busted for criminal offences and they stayed in their chambers until released by the Great Garbage Avalanche in 2505.
   Joe found himself surrounded by nutters in a wrecked world. He was arrested and pelted with garbage. Rita was better equipped to survive. Joe ended up in gaol. He broke out and made himself his idiot lawyer's problem. Joe found Rita just before he was busted by the stoopid cops.
   An IQ test in gaol proved that he was the smartest man on the planet. He had to join the government as Secretary of the Interior. As a smart guy, he was expected to fix everything. But when he tried to stop the idiots from watering crops with futuristic Gatorade, that got him into even more trouble.
   His lawyer had told him about a time machine. Joe managed to stay alive long enough to be proved right about the crops, which got him a pardon. Bummer! The Time Masheen turned out to be a daft fairground ride. So Joe & Rita were stuck in 2505. He became president and she became the first lady.

I, Frankenstein (2014) The monster was created in 1795, it killed the bride of and also Frankenstein, and then Demons went after it and were slain by Gargoyles who realized "It's alive!" and chained up the monster in a dungeon. The Gargoyle Queen took a fancy to it and named the monster Adam. When released, he headed for the furthest corners of the Earth but the Demons wanted the secret of his immortality.
   The monster became a demon-hunter in the world of men. A couple of centuries later, mad scientists had built a gadget to reanimate dead rats. The Demon King decided he needed to get his hands on the monster so his nice young blonde boffin could find out what made the monster tick.
   The Gargoyle Queen locked the monster up but the King sent a legion of Demons to swamp the Gargoyles and capture their queen. Gideon the Gargoyle swapped Frankenstein's journal for the Queen. The monster arrived to descend some Demons and found that the Demon King had a vast store of dead bodies waiting to be reanimated and become homes for Demons.
   The lady boffin found out the hard way that Demons exist. The Gargoyle Queen ordered Gabriel to get the journal and destroy the monster. The boffin tried to say no to the Demon King; not a good idea. The monster burnt the journal and led the Gargoyles to the Demons' lair for a huge battle.
   Would the monster be Demonized? No, he had a soul and exterminated the Demon King. The Queen saved Adam and the boffin and Adam declared himself ready to do in more Demons when they returned.

The I Inside (2003) Simon Cable wakes up in hospital after being poisoned, dying and being resuscitated. He thinks it's 2000 but the date is really 2002/07/29. He also has a wife called Anna. His doctor says the lost 2 years will come back. 2 different women say they're his wife then he learns that Peter, his brother, is dead. Simon was in the hospital 2 years before after a car crash. Both wives walk out on him.
   Simon wakes in another part of the hospital. It's now 2000 and he's there after the car crash, not the poisoning. Anna visits his room but she doesn't know him. Then he's back in the MRI room in 2002. Simon finds a heart-transplant patient, Travin, who remembers him from 2000 as a crazy man. 'Anna' turns out to be Clair, the other woman in the marriage. Back in 2000, she was having an affair with Peter.
   Simon meets Anna, who has a recording of Peter accusing Simon Cable of killing him; which she used to blackmail Simon into marrying her. Simon sees himself kill his brother at their parents' house. Then he kills Travin, his room mate, and legs it back to 2002, where Travin is croaking.
   Simon decides he's going to change everything and get away from Anna, the blackmailer. But it's not so easy. His brother tells him to stop struggling, he's never going to change what happened. And Simon runs out of further chances.

Ignition (2001) got 2 stars and a good kicking in the newspaper reviews. A US Marshall, who was chucked out of the US army for chucking a torturer out of a window, is assigned to protect a judge trying a military corruption case. She has already had one close shave with a bomb but she keeps trying to give Deputy Gallagher the slip. A general has sent the torturer to kill a missing witness, and Gallagher is involved in a messy access battle with his ex-wife.
   Gallagher catches the mad bomber planting a bomb on the judge's car, he doesn't tell anyone and she's nearly blown up. The missing witness visits the judge and she finds out that most of his Desert Storm squad are dead or missing. The general is looking for a compromising CD. The torturer shoots Gallagher full of dope to screw up a court hearing, and he's suspended.
   The judge gets herself into the clutches of the mad bomber, but Gallagher steams in and the bomber is blown up. The corruption trail leads to Portland then Seattle, where the judge learns that the dodgy general busted a morphine theft ring, which included the missing witness, during Operation Desert Storm then went on to build a private army within the US military financed by cash stolen from the military budget.
   As well as the witnesses, the judge and Gallagher, the general also wants to do in the weak president by blowing up a satellite launch. The judge ends up under the rocket, Gallagher has to stop a bomb and rescue her, and take out the torturer. When the rocket launches without exploding, the general obligingly shoots himself. Then the bad guys in the military are busted and Gallagher gets access to his daughter and the judge.

I-Man (1986) stars Captain B. Acula from the TV series Enterprise looking incredibly young. He is exposed to an alien atmosphere brought back by a NASA spacecraft and he becomes indestructible. So the US government recruits him to recover a power-source, which is about to self-destruct, from a blackmailing billionaire.
   One problem with the indestructibility, though – if he's left in the dark too long, he croaks. Even worse, his punk kid, who is also indestructible, stows away on the helicopter taking him to tackle the bad guys. And when all the struggle and strife is over, it turns out that Cap'n Acula's dog is also indestructible.

The Incredible Hulk (2008) Dr. Banner is in Brazil, keeping a bottling plant running and trying to learn how to control his anger. It's over 150 days since his last Hulking. But a trace of his blood gets into the product and that's enough for General Ross to send a team after him. Banner runs away from them but he falls foul of gang bangers, Hulks up and it's death & destruction, and the bottling plant gets it.
   Banner comes to his senses in Guatemala and heads north. The general tells his strike force leader that Banner was working on a super-soldier programme and something went horribly wrong. Or right. And his body is the property of the US military. Banner makes it to the US and rejoins his girlfriend, Dr. Elizabeth Ross, the general's daughter.
   The general gives his team-leader a dose of Banner juice. He almost kills his daughter when the beefed-up team-leader goes after the Hulk. The team-leader is wrecked, but the miracle stuff soon repairs him. Banner and Dr. Liz head for a contact in New York. The military intercepts Banner's email. Dr. "Blue" thinks his stuff will either kill or cure.
   Meanwhile, the team-leader is transforming into something strange. The antidote de-Hulks Bruce! The bad guys arrive as Dr. Blue is showing off the gallons of synthetic Banner blood that he's brewed up. The team-leader wants to be Hulk 2 and runs wild in the streets of New York. Bruce Hulks up again and there's a monster battle. Hulk 2 is taken out and Dr. Banner legs it for the back woods.

The Incredible Melting Man (1977) They don't make daft sciffies like this any more! (Oh, yes they do!) Scorpio V went to Saturn and the crew were zapped. West, the sole survivor of the 3 crew, was stashed in Dr. Ted Nelson's hospital, hands festering and his face, too! And radioactive; so, of course, one dead nurse and he escaped. Then one dead fisherman.
   West needed human cells to live on. Oh, dear! Was that his eye falling out of his melting face? General Perry ordered Dr. Ted to cover everything up, but the local sheriff didn't buy the headless fisherman as a bear victim. Ted's mother in law and her pal Harold ran into West. Then West did some dripping outside Ted's home while pregnant Mrs. Ted lurked inside.
   Ted brought the sheriff into the secret. West ate the General and had an arm chopped off by the wife of his next victim. Then he invaded a chemical plant. One dead sheriff and 2 dead guards, whose bullets had no effect on West but blew Ted away. West became a puddle and as the last of him was being scraped up by the janitor, Scorpio VII was launched to Saturn as part of NASA's plan to conquer the universe.

Independence Day (1996) A SETI signal is received from an object approaching Earth and slowing down! The war-hero US President's rating are in free-fall and a drunkern crop-duster is screwing up in California. Alien spacecraft, looking like big, bad thunderstorms at first, park over major cities. A SETI geek finds that there is a 6-hour countdown to oblivion embedded in the aliens signals on Earth satellites.
   "Don't panic!" says the US Pres, so everyone does. The SETI geek goes to DC to tell the Pres; he started a fight with him before the Pres took office! The aliens confirm they're hostle by blowing up lots of buildings. Air forces shoot missles at the aliens, which don't penetrate their shields, and take a lickin'.
   A hotshop American pilot makes an alien crash and takes it prisoner. Surprise! There's an alien spaceship and some corpses at Area 51 but no one told the Pres. Captain Hotshot delivers his prisoner to Area 51. The aliens are pounding civilizations like ours to bits, stripping the assets and moving on. The Pres says, "Nuke the bastards!" but nukes don't penetrate the shields.
   The geek reckons he can kill the shields with a virus so Capt. Hotshot flies him to the alien mothership. The president leads a rag-tag air force against an alien spacecraft. The drunken crop-duster administers the coup de grace to take it out. The mothership is blown to hell and the scum-sucking aliens are vanquished on what is now World Independence Day.

Independence Day-saster (2013) It's the 4th of July and a SETI guy picks up a signal as the President is about to invade his home town. Which is invaded by a monster drilling machine and sky-balls. There are attacks all over the world, Moose Ridge is flattened, so is D.C., and Pete, the fire chief and the President's brother, is saddled with Celia, the SETI lady.
   Celia thinks she intercepted the signal that set off the attack. The President goes MIA so the VP usurps his authority. Pete finds the President's son, then the man himself. They see the VP declare war on the aliens on TV. Celia has a gadget, which might do them some damage. The US Air Force can't touch the sky-balls.
   An alien spaceship 12 miles long arrives. 2 hacker kids put the President in touch with the military; briefly. Celia thinks the ship contains colonists, who woke up the machines to exterminate humanity. If they can zap the mothership, using her gadget, the others will stop working.
   The VP bogs up big-time. Celia gets herself killed. So does the VP. The kids help the President to launch some missles, our heroes make their Trojan Horse plan work and the last missle takes out the colony ship. But there are more on the way, of course.

Independent's Day (2016) Sounds of a barrel being scraped on an industrial scale for this title! Two guys out in the wilds see an alien fighter crash and burn. Then huge alien spaceships park over cities on Earth and satellite communications are knocked out. The President goes to Def Con 3. Two fighters doing a drive-by of a spaceship are wiped out. Then more fighters are splashed by alien fighters. Def Con 1, panic in the streets, the White House is obliterated and the lady Vice-President is sworn in.
   A militia leader called Kelly takes his gangs to war. Nuclear weapons are left stuck in bunkers. The invaders say they're from the Orion nebula and they're on a peaceful mission to destroy all Earth's weapons. And as humans have abused their planet, they're going to be relocated; or wiped out after 120 hours if they don't comply. They fix the new President's crippled son as a gesture.
   Kelly lets off a small bomb in an alien spaceship near his base. The aliens moan about being under attack and refuse to say where the relocated humans will end up. A Senator does a deal with Kelly to get him to discourage people from boarding alien ships. The military find the dead alien from the crashed fighter and compare it with a freshly killed alien. They're like workers for a queen bee.
   The aliens' communications are hacked. The aliens are going to dump their prisoners in space and terraform the Earth. The President daren't tell this to the people. She takes a trip to an alien spaceship. She's told the aliens suck humans dry, like vampires, before dumping the bodies. Meanwhile, the militia groups go on an offensive. The President returns to the alien ship to shake the boss alien's hand; and pass on a virus. The aliens are wiped out. Hooray!

Indiana Jones & the Temple of Doom (1984) Shanghai 1935; Dr. Jones is being swindled by Chinese mobsters. Serves him right for drinking the poisoned drink. He gets his sidekick killed but he escapes with a bimbo and his other sidekick, a Chinese kid. Off they fly across China to the border with India, where the crew bales out. Cue the life-raft escape later repeated by the Mythbusters.
   Jones decides he has to recover a struggling village's magic rock before he goes on to Delhi. The gang gets a dinner at a palace; mostly bugs and disgusting stuff. Jones has to lynch a Thug in his room and the gang go for a lurk in secret passages full of bugs and spikes.
   The Thugs have their temple to Khali under the palace. The leader hopes to assemble all 5 magic rocks and take over India. Jones is turned into a zombie for a while and the bimbo is nearly fed to the sacred volcano, but the kid saves the day.
   The child slaves are freed. Jones has a near miss with the Rock-Crusher of Doom. The gang has a ride through the Mine of Doom, which the bad guys flood. Fun and games on the Bridge of Doom and Dr. Jones manages to save one of the sacred rocks for the villagers.

Indiana Jones & the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008) Nevada 1957; the KGB invades Area 51 on the day of a bomb test. A female comrade wants to look at the remains from Roswell. Indy is her prisoner and he has to find the right box in Warehouse 12a. Indy's British buddy turns out to be a double agent but Indy escapes on a rocket sled to a town in the path of the atomic blast.
   Indy hides in a fridge to survive. He's told that Comrade Falco is into psychic research. The FBI gets Dr. Jones rusticated. A kid trying to be the Wild One redirects him to El Dorado with a daft story about a crystal skull found by Dr. Oxley, and someone's trying to kill Oxley. The KGB do some more chasing. Off to Peru.
   Indy & the kid are attacked by zombies as they look for a conquistador's grave. They find an elongated crystal skull just before the KGB finds them. The Russkie thinks she's on the trail of a psychic weapon better than the Bomb. Oxley is totally nuts and the KGB have Marion, the kid's mom; and Indy is his dad.
   After a running battle with the KGB in the jungle, Marion drives the gang over 3 waterfalls. The gang ends up inside an ancient structure and they find a hall of dead crystal aliens. The whole place drops to bits as a portal to another dimension opens. And there's a flying saucer. When the dust settles, Indy gets his job back and marries the kid's mom.

Indiana Jones & the Last Crusade (1989) [Harrison Ford, dir. S. Spielberg, writer G. Lucas] Indy clashes with grave robbers in Utah in 1912, has a chase involving a circus train, falls foul of a crooked sheriff and gets a hat. He has another clash with the looters in a storm off the Portuguese coast in 1938. Then Mr. Donovan, a benefactor of his museum, sends him off after the Holy Grail and his dad (Sean Connery), who has disappeared.
   Indy meets a blonde lady in Venice and demolishes the floor of a church turned into a library. They have to avoid rats and a fireball in the catacombs, and they have a canal chase with protectors of the Grail. Indy heads for a castle full of Nazis to rescue his dad. Gulp! The blonde is one of them! And so's Donovan.
   Indy's pal Dr. Brody is also nabbed in an Arab country but dad sets fire to the castle and father & son are involved in a motorbike chase. They take a trip to Berlin to get dad's Grail diary, which is autographed by the Führer! Then rides in a Zeppelin, a stolen plane and a car.
   The Nazis bribe the chieftain of Hatay. Indy and the Grail protectors have an argument with a tank, which goes over a cliff. Everyone ends up at Petra, where Donovan shoots Dr. Jones Senior so that he needs the Grail's healing powers. Indy has to negotitate booby traps to reach it. Donovan and the Nazi lady both come unstuck. Dr. Jones is repaired and the cheap set collapses.

Infestation (2009) Suddenly, there are giant bugs wrapping people in a cocoon. A small group gathers. Some take off in a pick-up but don't get far as sound attracts the bugs; including gunfire when the cop starts shooting. The rest hide. When they go walkabout the next day, they find lots of cocoons.
   Chad, the posh Cindy's brother, is half-man, half-bug! Sarah wants to search for the bugs' nest; she thinks her mom is there. Cindy gets herself killed and Sarah is grabbed by a bug and flown to the nest. A huge bug hatches out of Al. Cooper takes the rest to his control-freak dad's home.
   Cooper and Hugo head for the nest but they're kidnapped by pretend cops. Dad shoots them out. He has been stung by a bug. He leads Cooper & Hugo in the nest, where Sarah is confined. Sarah takes Dad to the queen. Hugo chucks a bomb into it but the trigger doesn't work. Cooper has to replace the battery then Kaboom! The bugs are full of explosive gases and Bug City is toast.

Innerspace (1987) is a totally silly science fiction film based on the Joseph Skidmore story A World Unseen [published in Wonder Stories Vol. 7 Nos. 7 & 8 (1936)], which was also ripped off for the 1960s film Fantastic Voyage. Bad guys raided the lab after Dennis Quaid and his submarine had been miniaturized. He ended up being injected into hypochondriac supermarket employee Martin Short instead of a rabbit.
   Lots of James Bondery and a villain with an artificial hand. Meg Ryan as Quaid's girlfriend helped to save the day, the head bad guy and his girlfriend were shrunk to half-size, and the nerd turned into bloke with a superhero complex at the end!

In The Line Of Fire (1993) features Clint Eastwood, looking like Dirty Harry's piano-playing dad, as a presidential bodyguard who didn't save JFK and who's being taunted by a guy who plans to kill the current president. The would-be assassin keeps phoning Clint and he's a master of confusing phone traces; mainly because the CIA trained him as a killer.
   Passing thought: why were they playing the Monty Python theme when the president was doing an electioneering stop? Was it some sort of subtle comment on American politics? Anyhow, the killer is younger, smarter and luckier than Clint, and Clint doesn't get on with his bosses, who take him off the case. But that doesn't stop him being there at the vital moment.

In The Name of the King 2: Two Worlds (2011) A sorceress, pursued by assassins, leaps through a wormhole to collect Grainger, a burnt-out special forces guy. On her side of the wormhole, his battered carcase is dragged off to the king, who tells him he's the Chosen One, whose job is to kill the Holy One, whose army of plague-carrying cannibals is a major threat.
   Grainger's expedition includes a lady doctor, and he notices that the "bad guys" are not taking opportunities to kill him. The Holy One tells him that she stashed him in an orphanage in the time to come. He's the real king and the imposter is the one who released the plague. The old woman croaks and Grainger ventures into the haunted forest in search of the Catalyst.
   The Catalyst turns out to be a freakin' big dragon, which wrecks some of the imposter king's men, but he grabs Grainger and the doctor. But the dragon flies on ahead to take out the king's tatty fort, and the good guys take over there. So the bad guy king dives through a wormhole. Grainger follows, they end up in his apartment and Grainger drowns the bad guy in his hot tub.

Into The Sun (2005, Steven Seagal) Our hero screws up spying on a drug gang in Burma. Then it's election time in Tokio and a nationalist politician is whacked for promising to deport illegal immigrant criminals. The FBI rings the CIA office looking for someone with a Yakuza background, and get Mr. Travis, who's selling swords. Travis isn't keen to work with the local FBI office, especially when saddled with a young sidekick, but he doesn't want the Tongs joining up with the Yaks.
   The killer is Chinese and the Tongs are lining up with gang of young Yakuza, run by the upstart Kuroda, who's tearing up the rule book and smuggling Burmese heroin around the world inside fish. Travis teams up with the old school Yakuza Mr. Kojima. Then he puts himself about and gets himself noticed. The junior partner gets himself into trouble and gets himself kilt. Kojima's gang starts shooting back at Kuroda's gang.
   Travis and another sidekick go in with swords flashing and slice Kuroda's gang to bits. Travis' girlfriend is wiped out along the way. The CIA squirts blue stuff all over the scene of the massacre. And Kojima becomes a godfather.

The Invasion (2007) This is the 1966 film "Invasion of the Bodysnatchers" redone. A crashing space shuttle spreads an alien virus in a 200 mile corridor from Dallas to D.C. A patient of Dr. Carol (who's keeping son Oliver away from ex-husband Tucker) says her husband is a changed man, and the dog attacked him and he killed it. He's obviously been taken over by the alien bugs, which the government is trying to keep quiet about.
   The story is that a lethal strain of flu is going round. People are dropping like flies in the street. Dr. Carol meets more and more weird people. Oliver's dad is one of them. Aliens try to break into Carol's house. The police are not taking calls so Carol calls her colleague Ben.
   Everyone around Carol gets weird. Another colleague finds that the 'flu' is caused by alien DNA reprogramming humans and turning them into zombies. Tucker spews slime onto Carol to infect her, but she has to go to sleep for the change to take place. The zombies want to take her out because Oliver, like a few others, is immune to the virus and requires killing.
   Oliver is in Baltimore, so Carol goes there to rescue him. She goes to sleep but Oliver kick-starts her just in time. Ben turns up – as a zombie! Carol shoots lots of zombies and writes off some more in a wild car chase. Zombies set her car on fire but she is rescued by helicopter. A year later, the alien plague is being cured and Ben has survived being zombified.

Invitation To A Gunfighter (1964, Yul Brynner, George Segal) A Confederate soldier comes back from the war to find that the family farm has been sold off to someone else by the town boss, Brewster. Matt Weaver, the soldier, confronts the new owner, and kills him in self-defence. Brewster sends for a Cajun gun-fighter to solve his problem. Jules is bunked with Ruth, the woman Weaver didn't marry, and her one-armed drunken husband, who hates Weaver.
   Jules fails to take a chance to kill Weaver so the town tells Brewster to get rid of him. Jules then gets drunk and demolishes half the town, and shoots the one-armed drunk. Brewster offers Weaver the stolen farm if he gets rid of Jules. He addes that Ruth and Jules have something going. The gunfighter decides to go of his own accord. But Weaver shoots him in a scuffle. So Jules humiliates Brewster before he croaks and Webster kills Brewster.

I, Robot (2004) Will Smith stars. Chicago in 2035 is full of robots emptying dustbins and making deliveries, which bugs the hell out of Detective Dale Spooner, who hates them. So when he assaults a robot purse-snatcher, Lt. Bergen asks him how many robots in the world have committed a crime and forces Spooner to answer none, then he asks him if he's ready to go back to work (Spooner keeps dreaming about an underwater car wreck). Then a call comes in from US Robotics. Co-founder and robot designer Dr. Lanning has committed suicide.
   A jumper for sure, the CSIs say. Spooner meets the boss of USR, Mr. Robertson, and sounds off with his anti-robot prejudices. A female company shrink takes Spooner to Dr. Lanning's lab and tells Spooner he wasn't suicidal. Spooner wants murder and he thinks he's been proved right when a rogue robot pops up.
   The robot escapes and hides among 1,000 others, but it ends up caught. It says it's not a killer and it has emotions, it sleeps and it dreams. And it's called Sonny. As a robot can't be a murderer; only humans can murder other humans; the robot is returned to USR for destruction. Spooner goes for a poke around Dr. Lanning's home, and he and Lanning's cat are nearly demolished with the house.
   Spooner tells the USR shrink that he thinks Lanning found a problem with the new Mark 5 robots and Robertson was holding Lanning prisoner. Spooner's grandma wins a Mark 5 robot in the lottery. A whole gang of robots attack Spooner's car but he survives with the aid of his bionic arm! Arriving after the mess has been cleaned up, the lieutenant doesn't believe Spooner's story and suspends him.
   The shrink finds that Sonny isn't bound by the 3 Laws. Spooner tells him how he got his bionic arm and his robotophobia, and he adds that Lanning left a trail of clues and he thinks Sonny has the next one. Sonny is erased with nanytes. Robertson gets the Mark 5 robots to wipe out earlier ones as part of his plan to take over. Surprise! Sonny isn't dead but Robertson is! VIKI, the USR building's computer, is trying to protect mankind even if she has to take out a few humans in the process.
   So VIKI gets the nanytes after a massive battle and the Mark 5s become good guys again. Sonny gets his freedom and he turns into a robot messiah-figure.

Iron Eagle III is such a brilliant film that it got NO STARS AT ALL!!! in the Daily Mail Weekend magazine. A renegade USAF base commander is flying coke in to the US from Peru. But an over-the-hill air force flying a Lighning, a Zero, a Spitfire and an Me 109 for an aerial circus heads south of the border to sort the bad guys out, aided by a Peruvian lady who is built like Arnoldina Schwarzenberger.
   The Jap pilot gets to do a kamikaze crash into the transport plane carrying the last of the coke and everyone but the Yank is shot down. And the evil Nazi behind the coke racket gets well and truly spiked by a jungle booby trap. The best bit of the movie is the church bell flying away from the blown-up church and wiping out the bad guy who pressed the plunger.

Iron Man (2008) Hummers in Afghanistan. Kaboom! Everyone dead but the guy with the drink, whose company made the weapons that blew up the US troops. He's grabbed by terrorists. Tony Stark is a genius in weapons development. He's constitutionally incapable of being responsible. He was demonstrating a new missle when he was grabbed. The head terrorist, who wants to be boss of the world wants him to build a Jericho missle from the bits he's collected.
   Stark is full of shrapnel but there's a doctor prisoner, who's built a magnet system to keep the metal bits away from his heart. This evolves into some sort of cannister embedded in Stark's chest. Stark builds himself an armoured exoskeleton and makes himself more than a match for 2-bob terrorists. But it comes apart when he flies out of danger and crashes in a sand dune.
   He's rescued and he decides to stop making weapons, which doesn't go down with the guys at the company who are making a living out of them. Stark goes to work on another suit and his board wants him gone. Meanwhile, the terrorists have dug up the bits of the first one. The world-dominator wannabe goes on the rampage in Afghanistan. Surprise! The guy running Starks company is in league with him.
   The trusty Miss Pepper is caught getting the goods on the traitor, who pulls the gadget out of Stark's chest and installs it in a monster ironman suit. But there's a spare. Stark has to fight the traitor, who's bigger and stronger, but Stark is smarter. Another Kaboom! for the traitor.

Iron Man 3 (2013) IM has a new self-assembling, self-destructing suit. There's another pissant terrorist around (called the Mandarin) and the president gives the military's Iron Patriot suit a paint job. Pepper, IM's girlfriend, has a head of security, who wants to replace all the staff with robots. He's put in hospital by the terrorists. Tony Stark challenges the Mandarin, who blasts his home.
   IM does some larking about and ends up crashing. Everyone thinks he's dead. He hooks up with an 'orrible 10-year-old kid. He discovers that terrorist bombings are being caused by exploding soldiers. The bad guys capture the Iron Patriot armour. Stark keeps having panic attacks and going to pieces and his girlfriend is given the exploding treatment.
   The 'orrible kid helps Stark to don his self-assembling armour for a battle with the BGs. The President doesn't know there's a BG in the IP suit until it commits mayhem on Air Force One. Stark saves some of the people who fall off the doomed plane. Pepper is apparently barbequed on a collapsing oil platform.
   No, she survives and finishes off the bad guy. Stark helps to stabilize the exploding stuff inside her, and he finally has surgery to remove the shrapnel in his chest. Then he chucks his chest arc reactor into the sea.

Iron Man: Rise of Technovore (2013) is a cartoon epic. Tony Stark is launching the ultimate spy-on-you satellite despite lots of objections and lots of cartoon ultraviolence when the Raiders make their protest at being spied on. A BG zaps IM's armour. The creature claims to be the future, which will be a pretty smoke-filled one as the creep has a big-time God complex and likes blowing stuff up.
   The little freak injected his own brain with nanobots! Having captured IM, he tells Stark that he is the wind, not human. Then the kid takes over the spy satellite. Then all the weapon-loaded military satellites. But IM has a back-door to his satellite based on Pepper's voice and the creep comes unstuck.

The Island (2005) Lincoln 6 Echo had a nightmare about being chosen for The Island. It was 2019 and he and lots of other were being held in some boring sameness centre. His pal won a trip to The Island in their lottery. When Lincoln told the shrink he was bored with wearing white clothes like everyone else and not getting bacon for breakfast, he was told he had survived The Contamination and he was breeding stock to keep the human race going.
   A pregnant girl thought she was going to The Island but there were people in pods in a vast cavern and the girl was killed after giving birth and her baby was handed to a lucky couple. Lincoln's pal woke up in a hospital, tried to run away and Lincoln saw him being dragged back screaming to have his organs harvested.
   Lincoln and his girlfriend, Jordan 2 Delta, escaped from what turned out to be a military missile silo. They met one of the staff on the outside. He told them the inmates were clones grown for spare parts for the rich and The Contamination was just a story. Mac gave them the names of their respective 'sponsors' in New York and L.A.
   A death squad came after the fugitives but the killers were stalled by a spectacular motorway battle. The clone factory found that the product was contaminated by memories from the source; which meant a recall of $200M worth of clones at $5M each. Lincoln's sponsor was due to have liver failure in 2 years. Lincoln got to drive his $½M car like a maniac when they were chased by the death squad, which couldn't tell which was the real Tom Lincoln. Natch, he ended up dead.
   Jordan allowed herself to be caught as part of Lincoln's plan to get in to the complex posing as his sponsor, who wanted another clone. No one spotted the gun Jordan was carrying. How lucky. The head of the death squad had a change of heart and helped Jordan. How lucky. There was a James Bond style destruction of a vast machine to destroy the complex, and the liberated clones streamed out into sunlight.

I-Spy (2002) is based on the 1960s TV series starring Robert Culp & Bill Cosby, and stars Eddie Murphy as his usual motormouth character. He play Kelly Robinson, a boxer, in this case. A secret agent extracts a traitor pilot from under the noses of the Russians. Robinson gets a call from the President and he is recruited for a job in Budapest with Alex, a Bureau of National Security agent who lives in the shadow of Carlos, their top agent.
   The head bad guy (Malcolm McDowell) is a boxing fanatic and he has stolen an invisible stealth plane from the Yanks. Alex has to stop him selling it to the highest bidder. Alex soon finds that Robinson's motormouth gives him a headache. Fun in Robinson's private jet. Fun at the hotel. Fun for Robinson during a mock kidnapping. Fun in the HBG's office and a rooftop escape from the guards. Our heroes take a ride on a balloon then a car transporter. Cue a chase.
   The guys hang out in a sewer. The bugged pen planted on the HBG moves, preventing Alex from having his evil way with Rachel, another BNS agent. There's a shoot-out at a bath house then Rachel falls into a trap and is blown up. Alex gets Robinson arrested then he finds the spy base trashed. Robinson gets out of custody in time for his boxing match.
   Alex takes a ride in the HBG's boot and finds the invisible plane. The purchaser is planning to use it to drop a nuke on Washington. Alex finds out the hard way that Rachel has swapped sides. Robinson goes to the rescue as Rachel is trying to torture Alex into stopping the self-destruct on the plane. Carlos turns up to save the day, Robinson decides he's a bad guy and Rachel tells Alex she's really a good guy. Alex takes off in the plane and drops it in the river. Rachel ends up in Monte Carlo with the HBG's dosh. And Carlos steals the credit for saving Washington.

The Italian Job (2003) isn't a remake of the Michael Caine film; it just has the same title and a few Minis in it. Master criminal John (Donald Sutherland) phones his daughter to tell her he's doing one last job in Venice. It's a very high-tech operation run by Charlie, whose team use computers and laser measuring devices to cut out the floor beneath a safe, which crashes down through the building. The owners think it's being removed in a boat but John cracks it at the bottom of the canal wearing scuba gear.
   The guys think they've got away with $35 million in gold bars but Steve arranges an ambush, unloads the gold and sends the van of the side of a dam into a frozen reservoir. John is killed but the others survive. A year later in Philadelphia, John's daughter is cracking safes legitimately. Charlie recruits her to a plan to get the gold back from Steve, which starts with sabotaging his cable connection and sending the lady into the house to fix it and look things over.
   The plan is to drive into the mansion and remove the gold in strengthened Minis. Steve shoots the middleman in a deal with the Ukrainian Mafia when the guy realizes he's selling gold stolen in Italy and strolls off with his gold and the cash. Steve gets to meet his 'dead' mates after their raid on his house falls through, so he decides to move the gold to Mexico using 3 armoured trucks, 2 of them decoys, but the techie spots the right one.
   The truck is steered to an ambush point and a section of road under it is blown away to drop the truck into a storm drain. The gold is moved to the Minis, which are chased to the railway station, through which they had a drive on the way to the ambush.
   Steve realizes the Minis have been loaded onto a train but when he tries to bribe his way to his remaining $27 million, he's ambushed and handed over to the Ukrainians.

It Came From Beneath The Sea (1954) [Colour, Ray Harryhausen effects] The US Navy's pride & joy, a nuclear submarine, runs into a giant sea beast, and limps to Pearl Harbour with bits of the radioactive beast stuck in the diving planes. A pair of boffins, Prof. Joyce & Dr. Carter, decide that the beast is huge and still alive.
   They conclude that the monster has always lived in deep ocean trenches, but US H-bomb tests have made it radioactive, its prey can sense the radioactivity, and the monster is looking for a new source of food; such as the human race.
   Commander Pete of the sub makes a play for Prof. Joyce, but she's more interested in Dr. Carter. The giant octopus attacks and sinks a freighter, but there's a survivor, who's treated as mad. But Prof. Joyce believes him. The US Navy closes the North Pacific and goes after the beast with depth charges.
   The creatures arrives at San Francisco, the Navy's HQ area. Dr. Carter comes up with a jet-propelled torpedo. The monster takes out part of the Golden Gate bridge and comes to the shore for snacks. The Army sends it packing with flame throwers, the sub fires off the torpedo but becomes tangled up with the creature.
   Cmdr. Pete then Dr. Carter have to go out swimming to annoy the monster. The torpedo sees it off and Cmdr. Pete gets the girl.

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