Earthfall (2015) Fuck! 2 weeks earlier. The Earth is suddenly surrounded by glowing rocks, which start clobbering the hell out of the surface. Ten days later, civilization is pretty well wiped out. Steve is looking for his wife, Nancy, and their daughter, Rachel, with his nutty pal Vince. Rachel is with some college friends and Nancy has been co-opted by some burrocrap.
A rogue planet has pulled the Earth out of its orbit and it is towing Earth away from the Sun and out of the habitable zone. Worse, the planet's axis has been tilted 90 degrees so that one half is in permanent sunlight and the other half in permanent darkness. The survivors have to deal with huge meteorites and fire-clouds.
There's supposed to be a safe haven, to which Steve and Rachel head, using information leaked by hackers. Nancy does a runner from her government refuge. Earth is heading for the asteroid belt and extinction-level collisions with the rocks there! Nancy is recaptured by troops working for the burrocrap. He has stolen her data to use in a plan to save the world.
Steve and Vince are taken to another part of the camp where Nancy is being held. The government's plan is to explode the world's nukes over a vast natural gas reservoir, which Nancy found, and hope to blow Earth back toward the Sun. The blast will take place in the "safe haven" area! Steve and Nancy manage to rescue Rachel from 2 demented survivalists. Then Steve tries to drive out of the danger zone. Luckily, the burrocrap's helicopter picks them up. Ka-bluchio! All the nukes go off. The End. Did the Earth survive? Who knows?
Earth's Final Hours (2011) Strange things are happening, like mad scientists deploying stuff and meteor-like stuff blasting holes right through the Earth. All because a white hole is shooting out super-dense particles. The ones which hit the Earth slow down its rotation and switch off the magnetic field, which means that there will just be a narrow habitable band for a few survivors. [Until the solar wind strips the atmosphere away, of course. Ed.]
Minions of the US government are up to no good but an agent finds out, through his hacker son, that the scumbags are planning to force a scientist to build a magnetic shield for the favoured few. But Dr. Rothman thinks his Resonator can kick-start the Earth's rotation and save everyone. The agent extracts Rothman from the clutches of the bad guys and Rothman says the government was trying to turn his invention into a weapon.
Luckily, the Resonator control gear was sneaked out of a govt. warehouse. Everyone; BGs and good guys alike; has to struggle with 20-year-old technology to line up a pair of satellites. The BGs shoot Rothman but the Agent and the rest of his gang are up to the job of making the Resonator work. So the BGs are vanquished and the Earth is saved.
Earthstorm (2006) An asteroid hits the Moon, cracking it wide open and knocking it out of its orbit enough disrupt Earth's climate. As rocks bombard Earth, it looks likely that a big chunk will break off the Moon and wipe out all life on Earth. A way to fix things was proposed by Lana's late father, but Victor, who has the President's ear, rubbished his theory that the Moon has an iron core.
John, a demolition expert and damaged goods, gets a trip to the Moon with a cargo of nukes. But first, the shuttle Perseus has to be launched through a hurricane. The shuttle has to negotiate swarms of asteroids on the way to the Moon and the nukes start rattling around in the cargo hold.
A fragment of Moon recovered from a meteor strike in Baltimore proves that Lana's dad was right and the shuttle has the wrong explosive cargo for sealing the split. John has to build a magnetic weapon from the nukes and the shuttle's nuclear engines.
Houston suffers a power failure and loses contact with the shuttle to build up dramatic tension. But the huge magnetic pulse sticks the Moon back together and Victor has to admit he was wrong about Lana's dad's theory.
Edison (2005) The corrupt undercover cops of F.R.A.T., who cleaned up the town of Edison, kill a guy involved in the drug trade and frame one of his colleagues for the murder. Pollock, a pushy kid reporter, decides something doesn't add up in court. Raif, the black cop, has a conscience about the killing by Frank the Psycho. The D.A. doesn't want to know about the kid's allegations of corruption but his investigator takes an interest.
Raif goes to the rescue when Frank & Co. put Pollock and his girlfriend in hospital. The fall guy is murdered in prison. The DA's guy reckons FRAT has stolen $12 million in drug money over 5 years and the boss of the unit is overpaying on contracts to local companies by 300-400%. Frank has his car blown up when he goes after the kid, who has been stashed by his editor.
The kid tries to talk Raif into doing the decent thing. The FBI grabs the contents of FRAT's evidence store. Frank attacks Raif and the Captain shoots him when Frank pulls a gun. Raif gives Pollard the rest of his story and a warning that the guys he's about to destroy are relentless.
The whole of FRAT, led by the Captain, goes after Pollard. Raif come to his aid with a bootful of weapons, and he kills all of the FRATs. Pollard's editor sinks the bent D.A. and Raif is allowed to walk and marry his fiancée.
Eight Legged Freaks (2002) A barrel of toxic waste fell into a river and the stock at a spider ranch near Prosperity, Arizona, began to grow and grow. The town was in a slump because of the failure of the local goldmine and the chancer of a mayor wanted everyone to sell up. But Chris wouldn't sell the mine because his late father had seen a motherlode of gold.
Giant spiders started attacking people and storing them in cocoons in the mine, in which the mayor was stashing toxic waste. An exploding petrol tanker took out the phone lines and there was no cell phone service. The sheriff used the local doom-merchant's home radio station to spread a warning and everyone ended up in the shopping mall, and then the mine when the spiders broke in.
Chris found his aunt in a cocoon and released her, and she spotted the motherlode of gold. Then Chris set off a methane explosion, which took out the spiders, anyone still alive in the mine and the toxic waste. And help arrived when the danger was past.
Elektra (2005, Jennifer Garner) She's an urban legend assassin, who kills everyone in her way, the protection force as well as the target. Then it's home to scrub the floor like any crazy, mixed up female psychopath. She was sacked by her sensei for not getting The Way. So she became a super-fit homicidal maniac.
Her next job is Mark and his bratty daughter Abby. But she can't loose the killer arrow. So other psychos get the job. They're wiped out and The Hand is not amused. Elektra goes to the blind sensei to get protection for Mark and Abby, but her attitude lets her down. So she goes to her agent's place.
BGs turn up and it's curtains for the agent. Surprise! Abby has the pendant of death, which The Hand wants. The blind sensei chases off the BGs. Abby is The Treasure, a martial arts prodigy, which The Hand wants for his collection. Elektra goes up against The Hand's No. 1 goon. He ends up as green smoke like the rest of his crew. Then Elektra reboots Abby and strolls off to her next job.
El Mariachi (1992) Three hit men turn up at a small Mexican gaol; and come off second best. Azul, their target, goes after Moco, their boss, a former associate. He collects a guitar case full of weapons. Meanwhile, a mariachi wannabe, broke & also dressed in black, hits a small town. Azul arrives and shoots the place up while looking for Moco.
Naturally, the kid is mistaken for Azul. 4 killers go after him but he takes them out. He bamboozles shelter out of Domino, a lady who owns a bar and a pit bull. She gives him a job when she finds he really does have a guitar in his case. Azul turns up at the bar, he's ambushed, and he legs it with the kid's guitar case. The kid has to shoot more killers.
The kid is captured next time he shows his nose out of doors. He's not the guy, Moco says. Azul gets his guitar case back from Domino, who shows him where to find Moco. Moco shoots Domino and Azul loses a hostage. Moco shoots Azul. The kid returns and gets shot in the hand, so he plugs Moco. Then the Mariachi heads off into the future with a guitar case of weapons, Domino's dog & motorbike, and a hole in his hand.
Elysium (2013) The posh people live on a fancy space station, the scum live on the wrecked surface of the Earth. Max meets his childhool pal, Frey, a nurse, after a police robot breaks his arm. He's on parole and a bad guy. Scum from Earth keep invading the orbiting habitat. Most are shot to bitz. Max is zapped by the machinery at work.
The lady security boss of the habitat is in trouble for hiring scum secret agents. Max is offered a ticket to the habitat if he does a brain-bugging job. The security boss thinks the habitat is dying and offers Carlyle, the boss of the company which services it, a 200-year contract if he gets rid of the current president.
Carlyle's shuttle is crashed. The ambush, which includes Max, goes pear-shaped. Max ends up at Frey's place, being hunted by other secret agents, who want his brain. They grab Frey and her daughter. Max makes the mad Aussie mercenary take him to the habitat, where the shuttle crashes.
The security boss is killed by her blundering agents, who run riot in the habitat. Max blows the real bozo to bitz. The habitat's computer reboots. Frey's daughter becomes a citizen and gets the medical treatment she needs. The former president becomes a nobody and the habitat starts recruiting replacement citizens on the Earth.
The Empire Strikes Back (1980) has the look and feel of part 5 of a 12-part series. The story has a fairly arbitrary beginning, there is lots of plot development during the course of the film and it just sort of ends with no big bang and an implied 'to be continued'. Both sides in the struggle have their minor victories and reverses, and there is a lots going on to hold the viewer's attention. About the only thing you wish is that the guys in the white plastic armour would take cover a bit more often instead of just being targets.
Empire of the Sharks (2017) There's this warlord with his mechanical island on a flooded world and he's holding the islands to ransom because he has technology which lets him control sharks. But he runs up against a stroppy bloke and a girl who is a natural shark-caller, who doesn't need gadgets. Chomp! No more warlord.
p.s. Why would anyone want to summon sharks? What is in it for the humans, if they are not terrorists, is never explained.
End Game (2005) Going to a Redskins' match was a bad idea for the president; some nutter shot him! Agent Thomas went on a mighty guilt trip for not keeping the boss alive. A reporter, Kate, went after an ex-military guy, whose records had been wiped. A street bum pointed Kate at the shooter's home of the moment and was whacked. Bad guys had the area under surveillance.
Kate decided the shooter had lung cancer and visited his family's trailer; which was blown up. Meanwhile, Thomas had failed to drown himself while pissed and Kate barged in on him. The watchers blew up Thomas' boat but Thomas killed 2 of them. A guy Thomas & Kate were chasing was run down in the street and the cops got in Thomas' way.
Alexis International was the bad guys' front company. Thomas went to Stevens, his boss, who stalled him. So Thomas went to Gen. Montgomery. The head bad guy, Baldwin, had an explosive trap set at his HQ, which the Secret Service shot up. Baldwin got away but Thomas put him in hospital. The general recognized him as a contract killer for the CIA. Stevens used to be his boss.
Stevens was murdered and it was made to look like suicide. Baldwin escaped from the hospital and went after Kate. Thomas took him out. Shock-horror! The bad guy was the First Widow! Who had her old man taken out, and what's Agent Thomas going to do about it?
End Of Days (1999) Arnold Schwarzenberger stars in this bogus millennium change drama set at the end of 1999. In 1979, the Pope is appalled to learn that a child is about to be born who will give birth to a destroyer. Christine York is born in New York and annointed with snake blood as the Catholic Church tries to find her and take her into protective custody.
20 years later, New York streets blow up and a creature takes a human host. Ex-cop Arnie is thinking about killing himself, but he has a disgusting breakfast instead and gets on with his job at Striker Security. He has to protecting a banker (the guy who was taken over) from Thomas Aquinas, a lunatic priest & Vatican visionary, who has cut his own tongue out! Arnie and his partner find that Thomas has a picture of a girl in his fridge.
Christine is having visions and seeing a shrink. The Evil One carves enough information on Thomas's body to let Arnie track Christine down just in time to stop the Vatican's agents killing her. Arnie's partner is written off and Arnie has to take out some cops to save Christine from the Evil One. He goes to a church, where he is told a load of old fanny about the Devil taking over if he manages to mate with Christine in the last hour of the year before the next millennium starts [which is 2000, not 1999].
The Evil One visits Arnie at home for some temptation. Then Arnie has to deal with his 'dead' partner, Papal assassins and bunch of zombies. A priest patches him up, Arnie stocks up with weapons and crashes the Evil One's party. The place goes up in flames and Arnie evades the Evil One temporarily after a train wreck in the subway.
The zombies attack as Arnie & Christine hide in a church, which proceeds to explode in all directions. Arnie does some praying, which does no good, and the Evil One takes him over. But he has an answer to that and suddenly, it's midnight and too late for the Evil One. And also too late for Arnie.
End Of The World (2013) is billed as a comedy. An American town is bombarded with balls of light, which take out power sources, electrical stuff like cars and people. Owen, owner of the Movie Shack and his employee Steve gather up some relatives and decide that the SF writer Walter Brown will know what to do. Only he's in a looney bin. He had built the ultimate survival bunker..
Owen and his girlfriend, Selena from the local radio station, find each other by chance. Walter thinks the heliosphere is collapsing inwards, and Earth is being bombarded by EM bubbles. Owen's cousin, Matt, gets Steve's mom killed, so he's ditched. The guys bust Walter out of the bin just before a brown cloud eats it..
Walter is killed before he can reveal his secret, so Owen & Steve had to save the world. All they have to do is contact the general, Walter's pal, and get him to nuke a bit of Siberia. In less than 3 hours. Owen & Steve have their van stolen by idiots by guns, but they get to the general eventually. Meanwhile, Matt tries to take over the bunker.
The general likes the plan but has Owen & Steve locked up. Selena sees off Matt. Our heroes get loose and launch the nuke, the heliosphere is zapped and the planet is saved! Hooray!
Enemies Closer (2013, J-C van Damme) A bunch of bogus Mounties, led by an ancient JCvD in a fright-wig, take over a small island after a plane carrying drugs crashes in a lake. There's just an officious ranger plus one ancient resident and day tourists on King Island. One of the tourists is a nutter, who wants to get the ranger because his brother died on a military operation led by the ranger.
The nutter shoots the BGs' diver but, luckily, the ranger used to be one. The nutter and the ranger have to join forces, sort of. They get the old guy killed as they knock off the BGs one by one. When there's only one BG left active, the stoopid woman who threw herself at the ranger earlier gets herself taken prisoner.
Surprise! There's another BG limping about. Surprise! The woman is one of the BGs. But the HBG shoots her for screwing up and he's blown up with the drugs.
Enemy of the State (1998, dir. Tony Scott + Will Smith, Gene Hackman, Jon Voight) The US government is trying to create a surveillance society and an NSA boss has a congressman killed when he refused to be blackmailed into going along with it. Robert Dean, a lawyer, goes upt against a Mob-run union with some video blackmail. The mobsters threaten to kill him and the FBI photographs his arrival and departure.
The murder was captured on a camera set up by a wildlife photographer. He's put on the NSA hit list when the NSA hears him telling a reporter about the tape. Whilst fleeing from NSA killer, the photographer bumps into Dean, who gives him a business card, which puts Dean on the NSA hit list.
The NSA trashes Dean's career and his marriage and his life. Dean tries to run and he's collected by a paranoid bloke, who was kicked out of the NSA. He has to blow up his building when the NSA killers close in. Edward Lyall was the partner of the father of Rachel, who does Dean's blackmail videos, and Rachel is killed.
Reynolds, the head NSA bad guy, finds his life being trashed by Lyall. Dean screws up and gets himself captured. He leads the NSA killers to the Mobsters hang-out. Cue a bloodbath and the FBI picking up the pieces and the NSA ending up in the soup.
Enter The Dragon (1973), is about a martial arts expert (Bruce Lee), who is sent to a private island belonging to a drug-dealing Chinese warlord type. He is there ostensibly to take part in a tournament but mainly to clobber everyone in sight, including his host, to avenge his sister's death.
Equilibrium (2002) is a construct film, which borrows heavily from Orwell's 1984, Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451, the Matrix series, (probably by coincidence) the Jet Li film Hero, which also came out in 2002, and every special effects martial arts film ever made.
Survivors of a 3rd world war in the early 21st century knew that mankind wouldn't survive a 4th world war. So an oppressive religious order was established to root out 'the true source of man's inhumanity to man his ability to feel'. The Clerics have an abundance of well armed & armoured goons at their disposal and they have big battles with the Underground; a lot of them cartoon-incredible to the point of being silly.
A couple of Clerics to a torch job on the Mona Lisa and other paintings. In this Stalinist society, there is a very Nazi flag, the people are harangued by giant video screens, Big Brother style, and everyone has to self-medicate with a drug to suppress feelings. But Cleric Partridge is hoarding books. So his partner, Cleric Preston, murders him and gets a new, black, wise-guy partner.
Predictably, Preston dreams about his wife, who was murdered by the state with his help, stops taking the drug, sneaks a book away from a burning and rescues a cute puppy from a slaughter session; which leads to his having to kill a goon squad in the usual cartoon way. At the next mass murder of Underground people, Preston tries to save a group of them but his partner takes them out.
Preston contacts the Underground. He is told he has to kill Father (a.k.a. Big Brother) then the Underground will blow up all the factories for the drug. His boss gives Preston the job of rooting out a traitor Cleric. Preston's plan follows the plot of Hero in that he makes himself a star to get within killing range of Father. His partner busts him so Preston frames him as the traitor.
When he gets to the audience chamber, Preston finds that he's been tricked. Father died years before and he's just a computer construct, and his partner has been pulling Preston's strings. So lots more fighting with swords and comic-opera shooting with infinite bullets. Preston kills his partner and the real Big Brother, and shoots up the state broadcasting system. So revolution and the goon squads are massacred by the Underground.
Eraser (1996) Big Arnie, James Coburn & James Caan are the familiar faces. Arnie plays John Kruger, a federal marshall working for witness protection. Everything kicks off with his staging of the 'deaths' of a gangster and his wife to keep them alive until it is time for the guy to testify in court. Kruger tells them, "Lie low, or else." And, "Smile. You've just been erased."
The next job is Lee, a female executive at an arms manufacturer. The company, in cahoots with the Undersecretary for Defense, is building superweapons and planning to sell them to the Russian Mafia. Lee's sting operation for the FBI is blown by her boss, but after she has made copies of secret files. The Feds extract her and hand her over to Kruger, but she insists on going home.
A traitor in the FBI swaps one CD for a harmless one but Lee made another. But when she tries to read the files, she sets of an alarm as she discovers the disk can be read only on the company's system. Kruger blows up Lee's house when the bad guys attack with super-guns. He stashes Lee in Chinatown in New York.
Fellow marshall (and traitor) Deguern (James Caan) recruits Kruger to a plan to rescue a witness, which fails as Deguern shoots her. His real target is Lee. A suspicious Kruger tells Deguern she's in Atlanta. He is drugged on a plane but he manages to escape, skydiving after a parachute, and manages to avoid being taken out by the plane! Deguern finds out that Kruger is planning to meet Lee at the New York Zoo, so lots of shooting there and Kurger feeds the bad guys, and also almost himself, to the aligators.
Kruger & Lee infiltrate her company disguised as paramedics with the help of the guy, whose life Kruger saved at the start. They find that a shipment of superguns is about to leave for Russia from the Baltimore docks. So lots of shooting, exploding, mayhem and agonizing there.
The Undersecretary & Deguern aren't locked up after being charged with treason and a van containing Lee & Kruger blows up. The Undersecretary & Deguern are telling each other that they didn't order the assassinations when Kruger parks their car in front of a train and phones Deguern to tell him he's just been erased.
Eruption LA (2017) Los Angeles is having quakes and there's a film being made about quakes there for a guy who doesn't watch movies. It's based on the work of the seismologist Dr. Irwin but without his permission, the latest writer is dismayed to learn.
A tunnelling project is in trouble. The problem is volcanic, the experts say. Yep! Thaaar she blows!!
The mayor won't listen to Irwin, which means that the writer, the star of the movie, Cat, and Dr. Irwin have to sort the volcano out. Evacuating 4.5 million people does the mayor's head in.
Lava bombs smash the city to bitz. Irwin's angry ex-partner, now with the USGS, is also on the job. Irwin makes a steam connection and comes up with a way to stop the disaster, but the lava gets him. The mayor orders a cosmetic evacuation. Our heroes need to get Dr. Irwin's plan to the USGS guy.
He's having the city bombed to cap magma tubes; which makes things worse. But the mayor gets the blame. The writer asks the mayor for a really big bomb. The USGS guy kyboshes the plan to flood the magma tubes with seawater.
Cat calls in her Russian bozo bodyguard, who helps them to blow up a gas plant at the coast, despite opposition from the National Guard idiots there. The bomb does the trick, Dr. Irwin was right and LA is saved!
Escape From New York (1981, John Carpenter) A 400% rise in the crime rate in 1988 prompted the US to turn Manhattan Island into a walled off maximum security prison with no guard, just inmates. Once you go in, you don't come out, and all escapers are zapped by the helicopter patrols.
In the present day, Air Force One is hijacked so the president (Donald Pleasance) bales out in an escape pod and just happens to land in New York. Worse, the clock is ticking for him to make a speech at a summit with Russia & China. Even worse, the escape pod is empty when a rescue force lands.
An ex-Special Forces bank robber called Snake Pliskin, who's about to be shipped to the prison, is given the chance to recover the president, or a cassette recording of his speech, in exchange for a pardon. But the local police chief (Lee van Cleef) has him injected with a mini-bomb as an insurance policy.
A yappy cab driver (Ernst Borgnine) tells Pliskin that the president is in the hands of the Duke of New York. Pliskin gets to work with Brain, a.k.a. Harold, who ran out on him 4 years before. The briefcase is empty when Pliskin gets his hands on it. The Duke keeps outsmarting Pliskin & Harold, and Pliskin has to fight, and kill, the Duke's champion.
Eventually, everyone ends up in the taxi on the mined 69th Street bridge. Only Pliskin & the president get to the wall, and the Duke catches up in his limo. The president gets to blow the Duke away and Snake has his bomb neutralized. But as a final 'up yours' to the man, he hands over the wrong cassette and the summit gets to listen to some music.
Europa Report (2013) A manned and womanned expedition is sent on a 4-year mission to Jupiter and the moon Europa. Is there liquid water containing life under the frozen surface? Contact between the mission and Earth is soon lost. By the second ad break, the audience was longing for a car chase to liven things up a bit.
Some fun & games out in space and one of the crew is lost on an EVA. The next jaunt finds small organisms then Katya falls through cracked ice. Trying to lift off Europa in the lander is a disaster. Communications are restored with Earth just in time to send back the mission logs, including pix of a mysterious creature, before everyone is lost in the sinking lander.
It was all a great success, is the spin from mission control on Earth.
Evil Aliens (2005) A bloke and his girlfriend are abducted and experimented on by aliens. The girl is heavily pregnant a week later, so Michelle Fox of Weird World is sent to cover the story and boost failing ratings. The crew goes to a Welsh island with a tidal causeway. The farmhouse is a dump and the lady's 3 brothers are Welsh-only speaking nutters.
That night, one of the visitors sees an FUO-thingy. The team makes a crop circle and upset Gavin, the UFO expert. Something starts slaying livestock. The brothers get their guns and torches. Surprise! There's a small spaceship on the island and the interior is a slimy mess.
The pregnant lady produces a monster. Farmers vs aliens in a brutal battle. The film crew joins in and the aliens are defeated. But the tide is in when the film crew tries to flee, and more aliens from a mothership join the battle. Gavin and Foxy get lost in the mothership but escape in a scout craft.
The aliens have no answer to the combine harvester but it runs out of fuel. Other implements work as messily. Gavin zaps the aliens with ley line energy and flying standing stones. Jack the sound man swims to the mainland but loses the tape of the alien encounter. Surprise! The aliens were doing a show like Foxy's!
Evolution (2001) is a thoroughly silly but enjoyable film. It begins with a bloke rehearsing for his fireman's exam and having his car trashed by a meteorite, which crashes into a cavern system. Two whacky college professors discover that the rock is full of life, which starts to evolve amazingly quickly. The US army takes the site over and steals all their research materials from Harry (the black guy) & Ira.
They infiltrate the vast military complex, which has sprung up in just 3 weeks. They find the cavern system full of exotic life and Harry gets a bug in his suit! The creatures are escaping from the cavern system. One of them eats a scumbag on a golf course and provides Harry & Ira with something to study. The creatures, some full of teeth, aren't able to breath oxygen yet, but given some evolution . . .
A flying, oxygen-tolerant monster takes a shoplifter for a ride in a mall. The greater Grand Canyon area is at risk and the monsters will take over the entire USA in just 2 months! And humans will become extinct. The aliens evolve into killer primates, so the governor of Colorado gives the military carte blanche. The general plans to use napalm but the professors discover that fire makes the creatures grow at a hell of rate!
The napalm attack generates a creature the size of a mountain; but our heroes discover that selenium in Head & Shoulders shampoo will kill it, especially if applied as an enema. So the world is saved. Daft but fun.
Executive Decision (1996) has an ingenious solution to getting troops aboard a hijacked Jumbo jet in mid-air. They used Remora, a vehicle intended for space shuttle rescues. Only the transfer goes horribly wrong and the commander of the troops and half the equipment are lost. Hercules Parrot (sans 'tache) is the leader of Moslem fanatics, who are planning to release nerve gas over the US as a pre-9/11 assault. The assault team recovers from its rocky start, however, and we get lots of tension and a dead dramatic ending!
Exit Wounds (2001) The vice-president's motorcade was shot to bits on a bridge in Detroit but luckily, a local cop called Boyd (Steven Segal) was there to save his ass and chuck him in the river, out of the way. Boyd's reward was a posting to the sink-hole 15th Precinct. The lady commander sent him to Rageoholics Unanymous then Boyd busted a drug buy, only to find he'd busted an undercover cop called Montini.
The locker room assumed Boyd was working for the commander to root out corruption as she came from IAD. Boyd walked in on a robbery at the property store, and the bad guys got away with 50 kilos of heroin worth $5 million. Boyd then demolished a club run by the drug buyers and his partner, George, was well beaten up.
Surprise, Montini turned out to be a dirty cop! He and 5 other cops raided the property store and their plan for moving the heroin involved impregnating T-shirts with it. The dirty cops grabbed Boyd but he took out most of them while handcuffed in their van as it charged through Detroit's streets.
Surprise! The 'bad guy' turned out to be a black Internet mogul, who was collecting evidence on the corrupt cops who'd framed his brother and put him in gaol. Boyd went to the commander, but the bad guys shot up her car and she ended up head-butting the windscreen in a crash.
Boyd did a spectacular jump over a car, which was charging at him along a cul-de-sac. Then he went to his old boss for help. Big mistake, the old boss was running the heroin racket. So the film ended with a massive shoot-out and punch-up, and gruesome endings for the bad guys.
Ex Machina (2015) A rich guy brought a geeky guy with no friends or family from his staff to give an opinion on whether his female format AI could pass the Turing Test. Everyone was in a bunker miles from anywhere. Naturally, the geek fell in love with the Ana and realized that his employer was an arse. Ana recruited the geek to her escape plan.
Surprise! There was more than one AI in the bunker and the geek slashed his arm open to find out if he was one. The employer let the geek know that he knew about the escape plan.
The AIs attacked the arse. He broke one but Ana stabbed him. Then she gave her half-human, half-machine body a fully human cladding and summoned a chopper. Off she popped, leaving the geek stuck in the bunker with no command codes for the doors.
The Expatriate (2012) An American security expert spends three months in Belgium, cracking gadgets. Then he finds the office empty and deserted and the company head office in Brussels knows nothing about him. Then one of the other employees tries to kill him! But the assassin gets a bit dead.
The expert gets a file from the BG's locker. The local morgue is full of the people he worked with; all migrants, like himself. Another psycho chases Logan and kills dozens of people at the hospital. Logan's daughter is winged before he kills the BG and he has to tell her he's ex-CIA; he was fired for having a conscience.
Haldane, the big boss, is involved in law suits because a ship carrying illegal weapons to Mozambique sank and the crew were killed. The US Dept. of Justice had a dossier of damning evidence but the work Logan did helped Haldane's people to steal the dossier.
The traitor in the CIA rushes to Belgium. The Logans hide out in the local Arab community; the daughter's boyfriend is one of them. Logan half-kills Wolf, who hired him, for info and the dossier. Wolf kills himself seconds before the CIA traitor and her posse arrive.
Amy throw a wobbly and runs away, allowing Haldane to catch her and tell her dad to swap the evidence for Amy. Logan drops a threat on Anna, the traitor, and buzzes Haldane. Then he makes a briefcase bomb. Anna gets a bit dead. So does Haldane when he opens the briefcase. And the Logans get away with it.
The Expendables (2010) looks like a remake of The Wild Geese set in the Gulf of Mexico and full of ageing tough guys: Stallone, Willis, Schwarzenegger and Lundgren, plus Jet Li. Stallone has weird facial hair and what looks like excessive wrinkle-filler. The effect is to make him look like Charlie Chan. After taking out some greedy pirates, his gang develops a split.
Stallone goes after a dictator-general, whose country is really ruled by a suit with a gang of enforcers led by Steve Austin. He's about to leave after a recce on finding that the contact is the general's daughter. Then bad guys arrive and about a quarter of the general's army is wiped out as the Yanks bug out in their plane.
The suit is a rogue CIA agent and drug bugger, and the real target. Natch, the guy who's fallen out with Stallone (Lundgren) tries to kill him, and when the Americans invade the island, they use up more bullets than you can shake a stick at and the bad guys are taken out with extreme prejudice.
The Exterminators (2013) throws us into the middle of a battle. But it's just a simulation before the team is retired after training for decades to fight aliens. 7 years later, the mob who landed at Roswell in 1947 park spaceships over major cities. And Roswell. Earth attacks the invaders but they have deflectors. They zap old soldier Patrick's house with his wife in the basement, but he doesn't seem too bothered by her death.
Patrick rounds up the has-beens. Burke, his old boss, sends the gang to round up an alien scout/hacker. Burke reckons the aliens are back for pay-back for the Earthers shooting down their ship in 1947. The aliens attack Roswell air force base and Linda decides not to take out the last of George's alien implants.
George needs it to fly the 1947 spaceship aboard the aliens' mothership to set off a nuke inside the deflectors. That stops the rest of the aliens dead in their tracks by breaking their telepathic communications. Then the 3 survivors retire again.
Eye of the Beast (2007) recycles a well-worn plot. A couple canoodling in a boat on Fells Island lake in Canada are attacked by a giant beast. Dr. Leyland of NORA is sent to investigate and meets Catriona, the local fisheries officer. The fishermen blame the local Injuns for the drop in their catch and are uniformly stroppy. Next, a tourist is grabbed on the lake shore behind the backs of his family.
Dr. Leyland and the fishermen find the remains of the boat and the boy just alive enough to gasp a warning about a monster before he croaks. The fishermen make the bits disappear because if there's a giant squid in the lake, that's it for the fishing. But Catriona stops it anyway after the dead girl's leg is found. The guys back at NORA don't want to know about a giant freshwater squid.
Leyland finds out that Catriona saw the squid kill her father when she was 7. No one believed her. A fisherman is attacked but manages to hack off the squid's tentacle. Leyland takes an expedition onto the lake to kill the squid, knowing that NORA will shut down the fishery to study it. A lady at NORA sees the squid on a satellite photograph!
Having got the Injuns and white fishermen to co-operate, Leyland gets the Injuns killed when the whites' boat breaks down. The squid attacks that boat and starts killing the crew. But Catriona gives the beast an eyeful of electrified harpoon.
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