Ba'al: The Storm God (2008) 3 months after a robbery at his museum, Dr. Stanford found a Sumerian tablet at his dig in Inuit country. He was looking for the 4 Ba'al amulets, which everyone else believed were mythical. But when he found the Earth amulet, the whole site was trashed by a violent, instant storm.
A storm chaser tipped off the Federal Severe Storm Command about the storm and the US Navy lost a plane sent to investigate it. Dr. Stanford and his satellites went after the other amulets. Dr. Penya, the weather lady, thought the Earth could be engulfed in a planet-wide superstorm. A new storm developed over Turkey when the next amulet was dug up, and the 2 storms looked like merging.
Dr. Penya wanted to nuke the storms but the Navy tried its super-absorbent powder; which only made the problem worse. The mad Dr. Stanton got what was coming to him when he triggered a 4th supernatural storm with the final amulet. Back at the museum, statues of ancient Sumerian gods came to life to have a punch up while the Navy fired off a nuke. And the evil Ba'al storm subsided.
Babylon 5, Movie 1, In the Beginning (1998), has Emperor Londo Molari presiding over the wreck of Centauri Prime in 2278 and telling the story of the Earth-Minbari war to a couple of kids who have found their way to the throne room. 30 years earlier, Earth was expanding its sphere of influence at the edge of Minbari space and the military ignored Londo's warning to leave well alone.
The Minbari Rangers wanted cash and resources in the light of prophecies that another war with the Shadows was about to start. The military caste turned them down but their leader went to see Dukat, leader of the Grey Council, and he suggested an expedition to Za'ha'dum to look for signs of the Shadows returning. Which is where they ran into Earthers. Minbari scans prevented the Earthforce ships from jumping to hyperspace, so they started shooting, believing they were about to be attacked. Dukat was killed and Delenn, his pupil, ordered the extermination of the entire human race.
Earth ships were no match for the Minbari, the Centauri refused to help but the Narns were willing to supply as many weapons as the Earthers could afford. Delenn began to regret the genocide which she had ordered but the military caste wouldn't stop killing. Dr. Franklin was gaoled for refusing to provide data to Earth's bioweapons division. Commander Sheridan destroyed a Minbari raider to provide Earth with a propaganda victory. Delenn sent the head of the Rangers to contact the humans but Londo, to his later regret, bombed the meeting.
After 2 more years of war, with the Minbari ignoring Earth's surrender, the President called for one last stand to buy time to let civilians be taken to neutral territory to keep their species alive. Commander Sinclair was taken aboard Delenn's ship for interrogation during the Battle of the Line and he lit up a triluminary, proving that Minbari souls were being reborn in humans. Minbari do not kill Minbari (a law junked during the Minbari civil war) so Delenn ordered a cease-fire and a memory wipe for Sinclair.
For the next 10 years, everyone wondered why the Minbari had surrendered on the eve of total victory. What happened next is another story, Londo told the kids. But the five Babylon stations were the legacy of the war "Our last, best hope for peace."
Babylon 5, Movie 2, Thirdspace (1998) is set in 2261 between the Shadow War and the war with President Clark. Ivanova's squadron discover a vast object adrift in hyperspace and bring it to Babylon 5. Sheridan is interested in new technology to protect the station against Earth's forces and he does a deal with Dr. Trent of InterPlanetary Expeditions (IPX). She agrees to ignore President Clark's blockade on supplies in exchange for the chance to study the artefact, which is over a million years old.
The telepath Lyta Alexander is affected badly by the presence of the object, the station suffers power fluctuations all over and Lyta tries to use a fleet of bots to destroy the artefact. Dr. Trent thinks she might be under Vorlon control as Lyta can sense the presence of the electronics in surveillance camera; she's a P5 and only P9s and above can do that.
People start freaking out all over the station and Ivanova and Vir Koto share a dream of a weird city. Dr. Trent thinks the artefact is a jump gate which opens into thirdspace, which is faster than hyperspace and the key to instantaneous travel and instantaneous attacks on enemies. IPX give the artefact a power pack, and it switches on and starts to drain all power from Babylon 5. The station goes into lockdown as the inhabitants riot and Lyta gives Sheridan and Delenn a Vorlon warning from the past.
The artefact is a Vorlon mistake. It opens a gate for creatures which want to destroy all life other than their own. As the creatures of thirdspace start to emerge, Sheridan gets a nuke out of stores and flies in a spacesuit through the battle with the invaders!!! A giant jellyfish with big teeth chases him after he plants the bomb inside the artefact. And when the thing blows up, peace breaks out all over the station.
Babylon 5, Movie 3, The River of Souls (1998), is a real Star Trek offering from the post-Sheridan era (June 2263) when Captain Lochley is in charge of B5 and Mr. Garibaldi is a total baldy. Dr. Bryson, an archaeologist, is looking for the secret of eternal life as an Edgars Industries 'black project'. After a spot of tomb-robbing, he takes a glowing globe to Babylon 5, where he has a meeting about funding with Garibaldi.
Captain Lochley and security chief Zach Allen are having problems with a holo-brothel and the owner's shyster lawyer. Their problems increase when Bryson releases souls from the globe and a Soul Hunter arrives. His sect captures "souls" at the point of death, they filled the globe with the population of an entire planet and they want it back. Lochley is taken to the point of death by one of the souls and she finds herself in the globe. She learns that the Soul Hunters harvested a race as everyone was evolving to the next plane of existence, not dying. And after 10,000 years in the globe, they are as mad as hell those of them who are not insane.
The souls have taken control of Babylon 5's reactor and they plan to blow it up, destroying themselves, the station and the Soul Hunter ships gathered around it. Lochley blows up the holo-brothel, which the souls are using to create temporary bodies and the original Soul Hunter ends up in the globe after promising that his people correct their mistake and find a way to release the trapped souls permanently. And the shyster lawyer ends up getting nothing.
Babylon 5, Movie 4, A Call To Arms (1999), is set during the Sheridan presidency (as the 5th anniversary of the Interstellar Alliance approaches), and provides a prologue to the 1-season TV series Crusade. Mr. Garibaldi is trouble-shooting new ships based on Vorlon and Minbari technologies, and having lots of trouble with the too-cautious Mr. Drake, who is in charge of contruction. The ship has a main weapon which leaves it dead in space and out of power for one minute after firing!
Meanwhile, the thief Dureena Nafeel arrives on Babylon 5 and Galen, the technomage, is messing about with people's dreams. He shows Sheridan and Dureena a world destroyed by Shadow technology in the hands of their former dogsbodies, the Drakh. Galen warns Sheridan that the former servants are preparing to become masters and the Drakh plan to start their war with an attack on Earth.
Sheridan is drawn to a rendezvous with Dureena and the captain of the EarthForce destroyer Charon at B5. They take the 2 new prototypes, Excalibur & Victory to Daltron 7, where they find a Drazi (dead) who was supposed to meet them at B5. The Shadow War has been over for 6 years but the planet was destroyed by one of their planet killers just a week earlier, proving that Shadow weapons are still in circulation.
The Drakh try to use their last planet killer at Earth but Dureena spots the control centre in the death cloud and Victory rams it. The good news is that there is no rain of thermonuclear bombs on Earth. The bad news is that the Drakh release a genetic plague, which will wipe out everyone on Earth in about five years when it has evolved to its new enviroment. Sheridan is convinced that another civilization somewhere in the galaxy had found a cure for the plague. So cue a 5-year mission to find it.
Babylon 5, Movie 5, Legend of the Rangers: To Live And Die In Starlight (2002) A Ranger ship loses a battle with raiders and the Minbari Grey Council is worried about a menacing new race. The leader of the Council and G'Kar are looking for information on the newcomers. David Martel, a human Ranger who is looking for something to believe in, is in danger of being chucked out for failing to sacrifice his weaponless ship needlessly after his captain was killed. G'Kar crashes a Grey Council meeting to point out the absurdity of expelling David for not dying pointlessly.
David's Minbari rival, Tannier, gets a new ship the Valen, David gets the Liandra, a cursed ship found adrift with a dead crew. David's Minbari 2nd in command, Dulann, is a sensitive and he sees ghosts of the previous crew. The Valen takes a group of ambassadors on a secret mission with Leandra as an escort. Raiders attack the Valen and destroy the colony that was its destination. The Valen rams the last raider on the scene as the Liandra collects ambassadors from their escape pods.
G'Kar says information about the new race was found at an archaeological dig at the destroyed colony. There's a city 8 miles below the ground and a billion years old. It's people drove an enemy out of normal space and they're back and killing everything in sight. Liandra hides from raiders in a comet's tail. Ghosts of the crew tell Dulann someone sold them out and the same is happening again. An encrypted record on the ship says the same.
David catches a traitor ambassador sending a message. Then Liandra flies into a minefield! David launches an escape pod containing the signalling device and a bomb to kill another raider. Liandra has no weapons left after another pounding. The traitor comes from a new addition to the Interstellar Alliance, who think the bad guys will leave them alone if they co-operate.
David roughs up the traitor and he says the bad guys are The Hand (of God or Death), they've found a way back to normal space and the Shadows were like insects compared to them. Liandra reaches a jump gate, only to find a raider lurking there. "Surrender the ambassador or die," is the message. So David feeds them another exploding escape pod and they fall for it! Liandra makes it back to Minbar for repairs and at the end, G'Kar is dropped off at Babylon 5.
Babylon AD (2008) A mercenary called Toorop (Vin Diesel) is hired to move a girl called Aurora from a convent in Russia to New York. She has mysterious powers (she can see the near future) and lots of morons with guns are trying to stop her reaching her destination. So lots of bullets and bangs, and dead bad guys. And lots of dead by-standers as the Toorop, Aurora and Sister Rebeka travel to Vladivostok, by submarine to Canada and by snow bike across the border.
In New York, Aurora tells Toorop & Rebeka that she's pregant with twins and still a virgin. Gun-guys launch a mass attack, Rebeka is killed and Toorop also ends up dead; shot by Aurora. The woman who was trying to import the girl covertly wants to use her to make her cult the No. 1 religion in the world. She is mightily pissed off when the girl vanishes.
Of course, Toorop doesn't stay dead. He's brought back to life, with some Borg attachments, by the mad scientist who made the girl into a human super-computer; the next step in human evolution. He tells Toorop to find the girl, then he's killed by the cult lady. Aurora dies after giving birth, and Toorop ends up with twins on his hands; the successors to the human race.
Back To The Future III (1990), the final part of the trilogy, sees Marty go back in time to 1885 to rescue Doc from being murdered. Marty meets some ancestors and he ends up calling himself Clint Eastwood and ripping off Clint's spaghetti Western ideas in a duel with the head bad guy. Lots of action and an absorbing story which holds the viewer's attention right through, even if he/she can recall only dimly what happened in parts I & II.
Bad Boys (1995, Will Smith) Two sassy Miami cops, Mike & Marcus, bust 2 likewise carjackers. Then BGs pop the police evidence store and stroll off with heroin worth 100 grand from the cute cops' Big Case. The PD has 72 hours to crack the case before the Feds are brought in and they all become suspects.
Our guys go after the guy who sold the ventilation system plans: dead. Next bodies: a hooker and an ex-cop gang member. Another hooker gets away. She calls the cute cops asking for Mike, who's AWoL, so Marcus has to pretend to be Mike to pacify her. The hooker checks a mug book, spots the guy who killed her pal and starts a riot at a club, where the cops are already goofing off.
The cops and the hooker drive off in the BGs' van, which is full of cans of ether, which they use to BBQ bad guys. Marcus goes mad with jealousy when he sees Mike with his wife and nearly screws everything up. The 2 Hispanic cops working with our heroes nail 2 BGs while they're watching the cute black cops scrapping. The cops spot the Frog HBG but he spots them watching him.
Marcus' wife starts a row at Mike's place then the BGs arrive for a shoot-out and a chase after they grab the hooker. The BGs have a deal for the drugs at an airport. The 4 cops bust in. The hooker blows up a dump of ether. The money for the drug buy goes up in flames. A vast explosion takes out a whole hanger. The Frog has a bit of a car crash and he ends up shot up a bit and a bit dead.
Bait (2012} This is Sharknado (q.v.) set in Australia with a tsunami as the propulsive force rather than a tornado, and only a couple of sharks.
A bloke out swimming was grabbed by a shark. Then a guy on a surfboard. Then the local magpies went crazy, sensing an earthquake on the way. Two scumbags were robbing the local supermarket when it was suddenly flooded after the earthquake and there were sharks whizzing about.
The survivors had a lot of messing about to do before the sharks appeared. The supermarket boss went off in an improvised shark cage-suit and air supply to turn off the power. He didn't make it back. And there was a rescue going on in the flooded car park.
One of the thieves tried to use a girl as live bait to hook a shark but he ended up being chomped. In the car park, it was shotgun vs shark and the shark lost. Just when everything was going quite well for the others, there was another earthquake. Another shark was tasered then Kaboom! They blew up a transformer to make an escape hole.
Bandits (2001) is an effective comedy in which Joe Blake, the action man, and Terry Collins, the thinker, bust out of gaol on impulse in a cement truck and start robbing banks with a stuntman as their getaway driver. Kate, a bored married woman, crashes into their lives and gets Joe and Terry competing for her affections, which screws everything up. But some devious media control, a slight change of M.O. and some of the stuntman's gadgets make everything okay again in the end.
Bangkok Dangerous (2008, Nicholas Cage) Our hero, Joo, is a hitman on his last job with 4 kills to make in Bangkok. He recruits a gopher there. Job #1 goes off okay. The gopher owes cash to local hoods and screws up a bit, but Joo keeps him on. Kong decides he wants to be Joo's apprentice and Joo actually starts training him.
Job #2 is a drowning ambush of a swimming bad guy (c.f. The Mechanic). Joo takes a shine to a deaf girl working at a pharmacy. The hitman lessons continue and Joo has to tell the client to stop looking over his shoulder, or else! Job #3 becomes a shambles but it's done. Joo has to kill 2 guys who go after him behind the deaf girl's back; she runs away, terrified, when she finds blood on her back.
The client decides he needs to erase everyone in the know, including Kong and the deaf girl. The hitman hesitates too long, doesn't pull the trigger on Job #4 and nearly gets shot to bits by the cops. Time to run for his life. He rescues Kong and Kong's sister with mucho shooting. Surat, the client, becomes Job #4. Joo kills himself with a bullet that also takes out Surat. Very neat and tidy but rather stoopid and defeatist.
Basilisk: The Serpent King (2006) A total solar eclipse in the 2nd century, a monster comes out of its hole and petrifies a bunch of Arabs. Libya, Present Day: American archaeologists Dr. McCall and sidekick Rudi find the petrified Arabs. Some live ones tell them to get lost as they're at the dwelling place of Satan. So they don't let on about finding a big, gold sceptre and they haul a petrified monster back to the museum in Colorado.
2 months later, there's going to be another total eclipse. A blonde historian lady arrives to work with Dr. McCall. The bodies found with the dragon turn out to be human with a stoney shell, not sculptures. Cue the eclipse, cue the 20-foot stone worm reviving. A pair of donors leg it with the sceptre; one is the Witchblade lady in a bright red dress; and they're also after a treasure map, which McCall doesn't know he has.
The cops, the Fire Department and the National Guard arrive. The blonde lady identifies the creature as a basilisk, and they need to use the Eye of Medusa to sudue it; only the Eye has been stolen. The National Guard meet the monster and lose. Colonel Douglas gives the academics a hard time. He wants to corner the monster in the subway, not chase the sceptre.
The monster visits a mall, the ladies brawl and Brock, husband of the brawler in the red dress, is petrified. The Colonel's plan flops. Rudi finds that the basilisk is carrying 20 eggs. The red dress lady is eaten. Rudi blows up the monster and himself; both survive. Rudi decides they have to get both monster and sceptre to a nucular reactor. Dumping the monster in a spent fuel cooling tank settles its hash. McCall takes the sceptre back to Libya and gives it to the Arabs. Then he and his gang go treasure hunting.
Batman & Robin, the latest in the series of films about the Caped Crusader, turns out to be a cartoon story with none of the pretentious sub-text of the earlier films. The villains are Mr. Freeze, played by Big Arnie, who is weird and fun in a criminal sort of way and not totally bad [which seems to be in Arnie's contract]; and Poison Ivy, who is just plain daft.
Batgirl, Batperson or what ever she'll be called is another misfit, who fits right in to the team. Maybe, after a few more films, we'll end up with a whole crew of Bat-characters like the Misfits In Action crew of the now departed World Championship Wrestling.
Batman Begins (2005) Bruce Wayne is chucked out of an Oriental gaol for beating up the other inmates. He takes a flower up a mountain and he's recruited to the League of Shadows. He was traumatized, as a boy, by bats and seeing his parents murdered by a mugger. He became disconnected from his heritage. He saw the scumbag killer gunned down in his turn when the guy was released from gaol.
Rachel, his girlfriend, a D.A., told him that Falcone, Gotham's gang boss, is the real enemy. Wayne went off travelling to gain an understanding of the criminal mind and to confront his fears. He disapproves of the LoS's capital punishment policy, kills the leader and burns down the HQ, but he does save his mentor.
Back in Gotham City, where he's just been declared legally dead, he finds that the family firm has a department, run by Mr. Fox, which makes all sorts of Batman gear. Batman drops in one one of Falcone's operations and saves Rachel's life. Dr. Krane, a shrink, is using Falcone to bring a weaponized hallucinogen into the country.
The weapon is being put in the water supply and Wayne's mentor, Raz, turns up and reveals himself as the League's enforcer, who is about to destroy Gotham City because it's a cesspit of evil. Stately Wayne manor goes up in flames but Alfred saves Bruce.
Raz gets wrecked with the Gotham City elevated train system and the city is saved from exploding water mains. Rachel knows Batman's secret identity and Wayne regains control of the family firm (and access to further Batman gear) and makes Mr. Fox the C.E.O. And Sgt. Gordon, the future police commissioner, is made up to lieutenant.
Batman Forever (1995) Bruce Wayne meets Chase, a pushy broad with an action-woman complex, during a tussle with Two-Face. He then upsets his crazy employee Edward Nigna, who is working on a mind-control gadget. Two-Face kills most of the flying Graysons and Bruce Wayne gives a home to Dick, who cracks his secret, goes joyriding in the Batmobile and insists on becoming Batman's partner with killing Two-Face at the top of his agenda.
Meanwhile, the sacked Mr. Nigma has teamed up with bank-robber Two-Face to put free holographic TV set-top boxes in every home as a way of peering into everyone's mind, with Bruce Wayne's top of the list. Batman retires because he doesn't want to help Dick kill Two-Face. Two-Face and the newly created Riddler invade Wayne manor, kidnap Chase and destroy the Bat Cave.
But there's still a Batsuit left and Robin joins in. Batman scrags Two-Face but ends up his prisoner. Batman blows up the Riddler's mind-machine, the bad guys are vanquished and E. Nigma ends up in the looney bin thinking he's Batman.
Battle Beyond The Sun (1959-62, Mosfilm with US extras, Francis Ford Coppola) 7th November, 1997: Earth was shattered by the great atomic war and divided into North Hemisphere and South Hemisphere, which are in a race for Mars using very 1930s rockets. Spies from NH land on the SH space station. They try to steal a march on the SH gang but have to yell for help when their rocket is drawn toward the Sun.
The sneaky Russians are saved but there isn't enough fuel to get back to Earth. So the spaceship Mercury lands on a moon of Mars and asks for a fuel rocket. Natch, there's a problem with the fuel rocket and there are monsters on the planetoid. One of the Americans is killed thanks to the Russians.
Eventually, Mercury heads back to Earth (instead of asking for another fuel rocket so they can land on Mars, being so close). And SH and NH could now co-operate for another shot at Mars.
Battledogs (2013) A woman turns into a werewolf at JFK airport; panic! The terminal becomes full of werewolves and bodies and the military uses gas to round up reverted humans. Donna, patient zero, is a wildlife photographer, who was bitten by something nasty. A guy who killed 4 of the general's men is told he's going to serve his country by fighting another werewolf.
The general thinks he's on to the most significant advance in warfare since the predator drone; invincible troops on the cheap. Major Hoffman, his boffin, becomes a threat. The general sends a werewolf to kill him when Hoff finds Donna's camera. But he survives. Donna doesn't have antibodies to the werewolf virus in her blood so the general wants her put down.
The boffins talk him out of it. She has a tooth from the werewolf inside her; a source of DNA. And she's the only connection to the host of the virus. The werewolves stage a mass breakout and rampage on Manhattan Island. Major Hoffman and Dr. Gordon smuggle Donna out but the military grabs the 2 women and Hoff is shot a bit.
The president is told that he had to take out Manhattan to save the world. Donna gets the antidote and Hoff rescues the ladies. He has to become a werewolf to save Donna from one; but she doesn't make it. The president dithers too long and a big chunk of New York is taken out. But Hoff and Gordon survive with the cure.
Battleground (2010) After the Vietnam war, in Flint, Michigan, a gang of bank robbers, one wounded, flees with loot. The second getaway vehicle isn't in place and the price of a flight out the next day goes up to 10% of the $3.2M haul because 2 cops were killed. The gang holes up in a huge building in a forest and the cop-killer is shot. Bigger shares!
After a stormy night, they find their van gone. And the cop-killer's grave is empty. Three of the thieves find a woman in the forest. The guy with the money clobbers the remaining thief and legs it; but he ends up with a couple of arrows in his chest. The woman says a crazed killer did her boyfriend in and he's been stalking her.
The killer is a demented Vietnam veteran, who has Viet Cong tunnels under the area. The thieves start a war with him, and they are whittled down to 2 men. People appear to be killed but turn up still alive. The money is blasted with a claymore mine and the woman is killed. The head thief thinks he's can get away with a gutful of buckshot. But the crazy guy kills him last with a bazooka.
Battle of Los Angeles (2011) is a truly daft sciffy film. A HUGE spaceship parks over L.A. and starts zapping the city. USAF jets find missiles shot at it are reprogrammed and returned to sender. A guy who took off in 1942, 68 years ago, lands at a National Guard base full of misfits and looneys. Rogers is the key to everything, apparently.
The troops have a shoot-up with an alien gadget made out of dustbins, and they team up with a lady pilot and a lady with a samurai sword, who drops onto machines and stabs them to death. Rogers gets to Sector 7 eventually and tells the guy in charge to release the alient prisoner or the aliens won't stop coming.
Rogers becomes a scum-spewing alien. The alien wants the lady pilot to fly it to the mothership in a spaceship from Roswell, the sword-lady translates. Tyler, one of the blokes, gets to fly the ship and crashes it inside the mothership. The humans kick some alien ass; there's lots of it and it's BIG and ugly. But the humans are more than a match for it.
Battle of the Damned (2013, Dolph Lundgren) A plague has escaped from a biotech company in SE Asia and the entire city is in quarantine. Ex-military Max Gatling ard his gang are sent into the military zone by the company boss to rescue his daughter. The city is full of zombies! Which eat anyone they catch. Gatling eventually evacs the survivors of his troop and goes it alone.
The girl is stoopid enough to put her gun down whilst browsing in the wreck of a supermart. Gatling shows up on a motorbike as she's being pursued by zombies. Jude says there are more survivors; 5 more led by a stroppy old git called Duke: they're the Damned! They've found no way out of the quarantine zone.
The major finds he's not that popular; Duke leaves him chained up for the zombies to eat. He has to kill a lot of zombies before Jude and her boyfriend release him. Jude keeps puking not because she has the plague but because she's pregnant. The city is going to be burnt to the ground and some zombie-killer robots with dodgy software turn up. The robots go a bit wonky and there's a huge battle with the zombies.
Gatling gets Jude out and he doesn't go through with the part of his contract which calls for him to kill Jude's whistle-blower BF.
Battleship (2012) The Beacon Project identifies a Goldilocks planet; one just like Earth; so they start sending messages to it. Meanwhile, a ne'er-do-well breaks in to a supermarket to steal a chicken burrito for a girl he fancies, so the cops taser him. Her father is an admiral, which puts his brother's job in danger. So the scumbag has to join the US navy. He's a lieutenant when 14 nations send ships to Hawaii for a naval exercise.
The scumbag misses a penalty in a soccer tournament and the Japs beat the US. He proves to the admiral that he's a total screw-up. As the exercise begins, a tracking station detects 5 objects heading for Earth in formation. 4 land in the sea off Hawaii and the other crashes onto Hong Kong. The scum-sucking aliens have arrived.
The screw-up goes out to one of the floating alien ships and triggers a force-field, which traps the fleet. A war starts and the screw-up becomes captain of the John Paul Jones by default. The aliens attack the mainland, where the main resistance force is a guy with mechanical legs and the admiral's daughter. Their communications ship hit Hong Kong and they need the coms station on Hawaii to call home.
Jap sneakiness and American courage are required to fight the invaders at sea and in single combat on land. A legless Marine takes on an alien in a combat suit and wins; with a bit of help. Screw-up's ship is destroyed but he fires up a retired battleship with the help of a gang of pensioners, and starts blasting shells at the invaders instead of missiles. Natch, the aliens are blasted to bitz, especially when the Air Force joins in, and it's medals all round for the survivors.
Battlestar Galactica: Blood & Chrome (2012) William Adama got the top sim score and a posting to Galactica, where he was assigned to a Raptor bus rather than a Viper fighter 10 years into the war with the Cylons. A milk run with a princess pushy civilian as cargo took Adama and his co-pilot into the war zone. Archeron, the ship they were supposed to meet, was just bits with a bonus of Cylons. Next stop, Cylon space after seeing off 3 sets of tin cans.
Princess pushy nearly got them killed by their own side. The ghost fleet engaged a Cylon battlestar to get princess pushy to her next destination. But first, a crash on the edge of an ice cliff and a trek to an ice hole full of monsters. A shouty, hysterical type rescued the trio and clunky tin-can Cylons invaded the underground base.
Adama's co-pilot pulled a gun on princess pushy and she admitted her mission was to plant a virus in Cylon communications. The co-pilot decided she was a Cylon spy; and he was right. She shot both blokes so they drilled her and struggled back to the surface for a pick-up.
A semi-android Cylon finished off princess pushy. Adama was horrified to see a report saying the mission was a complete success but he was told that the People needed their heroes whilst the soldiers fought the real war.
The Beast (1996) is Jaws with a giant squid instead of a shark, more or less. We have the honest fisherman refusing to do illegal trap fishing, which is blamed for destroying the local fish stocks. The lack of fish also sets a giant squid looking for alternative food sources, such as shipwrecked humans and divers.
A battered bloke with an even more battered boat kills a giant squid but it turns out to be a baby. And we are expected to believe that Mom will take her revenge on any humans available. In the end, the bad and the pushy characters all get theirs, the hero and his girlfriend are rescued by a coast guard helicopter and the mommy squid is barbequed.
Beetlejuice (1988) A couple with a pushy relative who wants to sell their weird house kill themselves in a stupid road accident. They find themselves back home with a handbook for the recently deceased. New people with a prattish interior designer move in. The wife is an idiot artist. The couple are trapped in the house with shai hulud in the sand desert outside.
The weird daughter, a Wednesday Addams wannabe, is the only person who can see the Barbara and Adam. She takes some Polaroids of them and breaks in to the attic room where they live with a model of the town. The couple use the handbook to visit the Office for the recently deceased, which is no help, and they are warned off using the services of Beetlejuice. He doesn't impress Barbara and Adam.
The couple haunt a dinner party. Nothing. The parents invade their attic and the designer steals the handbook. He wants to turn the house into a supernatural research centre. The couple are ordered by the pushy lady at the Office to retrieve the handbook and the photographs. Beetlejuice fails to bamboozle Lydia, the weird girl. The designer conjures up Barbara and Adam, and they start to crumble with age.
Lydia puts Beetlejuice on the job of saving them. He tries to marry Lydia but shai hulud gets him. Lydia becomes a normal little girl and Barb and Adam get their home back.
Behemoth (2011) is a daft "mankind is killing the planet but the planet is fighting back" epic. Scientists planting sensors on Mt. Lincoln in the Cascades were killed by steamy eruptions. A guy at a logging operation died when a tree fell on him. An old guy, off his meds, was convinced that something bad was going to happen: "Outside Forces" were getting ready to stop humanity destroying its environment.
Emily, the local boffin, decided CO2 was coming out of the ground as the volcano got active but her uncle, the sheriff, wouldn't keep people off the mountain (sort of the "Jaws" plot). Thomas, the guy in charge of the loggers, took a secret agent, Jack, up the mountain.
Grace, daughter of the crazy old bloke and Thomas' sister, took her boyfriend up the mountain and he was eaten by the monster. Emily persuaded her uncle to order an evacuation but the crazy old bloke was trapped in the cafe, with Zoe, the owner, when it fell into a sink hole.
Jack told Emily & Thomas that something to change the course of life on Earth was about to happen just before Shai Hulud got him. Behemoth burst out of the top of the mountain but Thomas took it out with Jack's bazooka and the world was saved!
Behind Enemy Lines (1997) The Russians and Chinese are worried about nuclear materials smugging and the Americans are worried about what is happening to the contents of decommissioned Russian missles. 2 special forces guys are sent to Vietnam to frustrate the sale of 2 nuclear triggers. Weston gets away after losing the triggers in a lake, Jones is captured.
A year later, Weston and 3 guys are operating a charter boat in Tahiti when the CIA show him pictures of Jones in a prison camp. He goes off to rescue Jones and get the triggers. His sister turns up and drags his crew to Vietnam, too. The Vietnamese try to frame Weston as a drug smuggler to get him to tell them where the triggers are, and the local CIA guy is in with them.
Weston shoots up the court room but ends up in the prison camp with Jones. The US consulate tries to get his sister and crew deported but they disappear with the help of friends. They are being done over by Triads when the local murder squad arrives and takes out the Triads. Lots of shooting, half of the Vietnamese army is killed, the prison is shot to bits, and the Americans get the triggers. Hooray!
Behind Enemy Lines: Colombia (2009, Ken Kennedy) An officer's family is murdered by a terrorist bomb in Bogota. Surveillance finds a huge stash of cocaine in the jungle and a US Special Forces team is sent in without telling the leaky locals. But they find the Colombian army making a peace deal with the FARC terrorists. Then another gang steams in to shoot the meeting to bitz.
Two survivors of the US unit get away having left a wounded man behind. The Colombians try to blame everything on US insurgents. Their boss orders an evac for the 2 survivors still at liberty but the CIA puts the kybosh on it. The prisoner breaks out as his mates are breaking in to rescue him from a fanatic: his family was killed by the Bogata bomb.
The Yanks contact an army survivor from the massacre, who's in hospital. The CIA is fitting up the US soldiers as stooges of a drug cartel. The troops on the ground go after proof that Colombians are behind all the bombings and trouble. The CIA tries to shut down their support at home.
The fanatic loses a knife fight with an American hero. The survivor from hospital turns up; the fanatic is working for him and the survivor was behind the Bogata bomb, so he gets dead. Then the truth breaks out and the Americans become heroes again.
The Belly Of The Beast (2003) A Steven Seagal epic. We open in Thailand in 1994, where Jake of the CIA is involved in a shoot-out and one of his team is shot along with a lot of others. Cut to Hawaii in the present day. Jake's older, fatter, his wife is dead and his daughter, Jessica, has just been kidnapped in Thailand with a senator's daughter, apparently by terrorists. Jake gets into a monumental scrap with criminals as soon as he arrives in Thailand.
Another punch-up when he helps a hostess in a club while on the way to ask the owner for help. The guy who was shot in 1994 gives up being a monk to help Jake, who doesn't believe terrorists are behind the kidnapping (and he's right, of course). Big shoot-out when Jake crashes an arms deal. He has a gun that never needs reloading and he doesn't shoot the leader of the terrorists.
The CIA saves Jake from the cops. Jessica's friend is almost raped and the hostess's room mate is killed. Jake's next target is wiped out, and he & the monk get into another big battle. Jake meets the bandit boss. He realizes the club owner was behind the kidnapping and takes out him and his lady-boy.
The US president decides to send in the cavalry but Jake & the monk go after the girls. About 1 million bullets fired off. Jake takes out the Thai general who organized the kidnapping, the monk croaks of his injuries and the CIA arrives after the trouble is over.
Bermuda Tentacles (2014) The President's plane is hit by lightning over the Bermuda Triangle so he's put in a survival pod. The guy in charge of the rescue squad has history with the lady admiral in charge of the rescue mission. HUGE tubeworms rise out of the sea and menace the fleet. They're pretty bullet- and shell-proof. The President's pod is 7,000 metres down, below its crush depth and he has 4 hours' oxygen. The diving bell will take 3 hours to reach him.
The monsters come back after a brief rest. To hell with the Admiral's orders! Hoo-ya! The Prometheus launches and refuses to talk to the admiral. A monster grabs the sub, attracted by its power, so everything is switched off and it zooms along with the Gulf Stream.
A worm boffin tells the admiral that the worms are attached to something extraterrestrial below the surface. The sub ends up inside an alien spaceship, which is full of planes and ships which were lost in the Bermuda Triangle. The President is retrieved and the survivors of the sub crew zoom back to the surface.
The President refuses to be evacuated and wants the spaceship nuked when it shows itself. The rescue guys have a plan to avoid millions of civilian casualties. Chief Oliver and his pilot ignore the admiral again and fly into the spaceship to zap it from the inside. Kablooie! One zapped bunch of scum-sucking aliens.
Best of the Best (1989) An American karate team are about to take on Koreans who have been training all their lives, and their top man killed the brother of one of the Americans. The Yanks have all sorts of issue and they run into Coach Clousea(?), who is no fun at all and also has issues. A lady expert on the Korean mentality joins the team.
One of the guys goes AWoL when his kid is hit by a car, and he has to beg the coach to let him rejoin the gang. The American underdogs perform heroically and Tommy doesn't kill the scumbag who killed his brother, so the Yanks score a moral victory but lose the match. So the Koreans give them their medals.
Beverley Hills Cop II (1994) begins with Axel Foley's raid on a Detroit chop shop going horribly wrong. His boss is killed and the Feds get in his way when he tries to pursue the leader of the gang. Axel follows him to LA anyway, and meets Det. Rosewood again. The trail leads to Uncle Dave's Wonderworld theme park, where the bad guys are in charge of security.
Fun and games on the Spider ride, where Axel does an heroic rescue while escaping from the bad guys. Uncle Dave tells Axel that the guy who designed the theme park has disappeared. Axel causes a riot at an awards ceremony and the head bad guy so the Secret Service tells him to get out of town.
Axel won't quit, he finds out what the bad guys are up to and they try to frame him for shooting Uncle Dave. Axel and the bad guys do their best to turn Wonderworld into Junkworld, everyone but everyone is shot in the final battle but the good guys all survive.
Beyond The Poseidon Adventure (1979, Michael Caine, Telly Savalas) Captain Mike Turner (MC) is in dire financial straits when he, his crew Wilbur (Karl Malden) and a girl hitching a lift to Africa (Sally Field) come across the up-turned wreck of the Poseidon after the survivors have been removed. A sinister Dr. Strebo (TS) arrives, allegedly to look for more survivors. Capt. Turner goes after the loot in the purser's officer.
Several survivors turn up and Wilbur starts croaking from some medical problem. An explosion blocks the original way in to the ship. More survivors turn up, including a blind man. Dr. Strebo is looking for a crate full of plutonium and he's ready to kill anyone who finds this out.
Capt. Turner has to turn his gang into scuba divers to sneak them out of the wreck as Strebo is hauling his loot out of the hole cut by the original rescuers. Half a dozen, or so, good guys make it to Capt. Turner's boat, and Poseidon sinks.
Beyond Sherwood Forest (2009) There's a flying monster, then there's a woman with an arrow in her. The monster killed Roland, the sheriff of Nottingham, so his successor tried to capture the weird beast, only to be stabbed in the back by Malcolm as his son, Robin, looked on. Flash forward 15 years to Robin as a man.
Robin's gang ambush Prince John's cash wagon in Sherwood Forest. John does a Gordon Broon and puts taxes up. Malc promises to catch Robin Hood within a week and Marion has done a runner. Malc offers the monster her freedom for killing Robin. The dragon finds that it can't get through its magical stargate to go back where it came from.
Marion has to marry Leopold of Austria. A battle with the dragon ends in a draw but Friar Tuck is written off. Robin, John and Will go through the stargate. The dragon infiltrates Robin's camp in her human form. Malc catches Marion. Robin & Co. meet the Sylvans, who tell them the dragon lady's history. Malc finds Prince John's lost chest and its compromising contents.
Robin & Co. have to get some luminous berries. Robin as grabbed as soon as he steps through the stargate. He escapes to fight Malc. The dragon joins in. Malc and the dragon are written off and Prince John is blackmailed into ransoming Wretched the Lionheart.
Big Ass Spider (2013) bills itself as a SF comedy. It's eating a skyscraper. 12 hours earlier . . . Alex the Exterminator gets himself bitten by a Brown Recluse spider and goes to the hospital where there's a creature in a body bag in the morgue. He gets the job of dealing with it, helped by Jose, a security guard. Military bozos invade the hospital whilst he's wandering around in the air conditioning system.
The spider is growing exponentially, sez the mad scientist with the Major's posse. A trigger-happy lady lieutenant drives the spider into the sewers and the Major tries to give Alex the bum's rush. The bug appears on the internet, and it's as big as a horse. It visits the L.A. River then goes off to a park for human snacks. It's bigger than Alex's truck, which it wrecks.
The mad scientist was using Martian genes to make giant vegetables with a growth hormone, and the spider was an accident. And it's about to reproduce! It wrecks downtown L.A. and Alex gets the chance to save the lieutenant, who was cocooned in the park and dragged into the skyscraper, on which the bug is perched.
The Air Force shoots the building to bitz and the spider goes splat in the road. But it's not dead until Alex blasts a bazooka shell up its big ass!
Bigfoot (2012) A town is planning to cut down forest for an 80s festival but Simon, a tree-hugger who used to be in a band with radio DJ Harley, is trying to frustrate the plan. A 20-foot freakin' gorilla destroys the machines but kills all the witnesses. Harley laughs off the huge footprints as a hoax. People have been reporting Bigfoot sightings around Deadwood, South Dakota, for yonks.
Harley buys off Simon. Alice Cooper wakes up Bigfoot, which trashes the festival and kills lots of people. Harley calls in a big game hunter, Simon plans to hit the monster with a tranquillizer dart and the mayor calls in the National Guard. The sheriff and his daughter also go after the monster. Harley is planning to create a Bigfoot National Park.
The monster holes up in caves in the Black Hills. But it emerges to wreck Rapids City. The National Guard kills as many humans as the monster. Simon gets his girl assistants killed. The monster does a King Kong on Mount Rushmore. The air force takes out the sculpture of Abe Lincoln with the monster. Harley and Simon are also taken out but Deadwood erect a statue of them.
Bilko (1996) Steve Martin plays the lead character in the much-loved TV series. The Pentagon is closing small outposts like Fort Baxter as Bilko blows another attempt to marry Rita, his fiancée of 7 years. Bilko tells his platoon, and the new, black addition, how he got rid of super-keen Lt. Thorn. Now a major, Thorn arrives to view Col. Hall's hover-tank, which goes all over the place when the gun is fired.
Thorn stays for another crack at Bilko and sets 2 inspectors on him. Bilko bamboozles them at first so Thorn tries to get at Bilko via Rita and puts the platoon on the assault course. Then he lets Bilko go to Vegas while his lady nerd cracks Bilko's computer.
Bilko rigs a second demo of the hover tank and stitches Thorn up again. Rita is a no-show at the next wedding attempt. Does Bilko outsmart her to make the marriage happen? No, she outsmarts him.
Billion Dollar Brain (1967, Michael Caine, Karl Malden) The 3rd Harry Palmer film. Colonel Ross wants Palmer to stop being a PI and rejoin MI5. Palmer's next job it to deliver eggs containing a virus to Helsinki, where he meets Leo Newby (Karl Malden) again, and his bimbo, in a sauna. He finds Dr. Kaarna, the client, dead, and Ross grabs him and tells him to take the eggs back to Porton Down.
A Texas billionaire is trying to put a stop to Communism and Dr. Kaarna was Ross's undercover. Palmer gets to replace him. He meets Col. Stok of the KGB again in Riga. Leo & his cousins double cross Palmer but the Russians give him a ticket back to Helsinki, where the bimbo tries to kill him.
Harry & Leo head for a monster barbeque in at the General's ranch in Texas. He's planning to trigger an uprising in Latvia and steam in with help. But Leo is scamming the General's electronic brain with false data. Palmer tells the General and Leo does a runner.
Palmer persuades the General to let him go after Leo. The bimbo, who's working for Col. Stok, ditches Leo when she gets the eggs. The Russians sink the General, his army and Leo and Palmer is the only survivor. And he ends up back in London working for MI5 again.
Bionic Ever After? (1994) The $6M Man and the Bionic Woman are supposed to be getting married but Jamie's bionics start acting up as a gang of terrorists take over the US embassy in the Bahamas and install a nuclear-tipped missile. Jamie's bionics have been corrupted by a virus in a chip planted by Kimberley, the daughter of Dr. Wells' former partner, and she does the same to Steve Austin.
Dr. Wells repairs Jamie and she and Oscar Goldman go to see the partner's widow, and see a photograph of Kimberley. Jamie recognizes a patient and Oscar recognizes the woman who is now Austin's partner. Jamie goes to Nassau to save Austin's ass. The bad guys escape from the embassy with a prisoner under the cover of a fake radiation alert. But they don't get far when the bionic duo go after them. End with the wedding.
Black Dawn (2005) [Stephen Seagal] Scumbag terrorists pulled off a diamond heist in Amsterdam; the security guy was a lousy shot. Meanwhile, ex-CIA agent Johnathan Cold, who was supposed to be dead, busted another scumbag out of a prison hospital and took him to L.A. under CIA surveillance. The terrorists wanted revenge on the US for killing their scumbag leader. The robberies were to buy plans and fuel for a plutonium bomb.
The gaolbird sold the plans to the terrorists. Cold had to rescue a female CIA agent when the BGs caught her and create mayhem on the roads with a chase. There was a leak in the CIA. The BGs started building the bomb as they waited for the plutonium. The gaolbird was planning to double cross the terrorists. Cold checked out Greer of the CIA as the leak.
The lady CIA agent took out the guy who was stealing the plutonium, but the terrorists got it. Greer shot up the terrorists but one of them managed to start the bomb's timer. Luckily, there was a chopper handy and Cold was able to drop the bomb in the sea off San Diego and get himself declared officially dead again.
Black Dog (1998) features Patrick Sawyze as an ex-con who gets involved in delivering a truckload of illegal weapons to save the family home and Meatloaf as a Bible-quoting nutter, who supplies the weapons and then tries to hijack the load en route to New Jersey. Lots of big trucks battering one another amid shooting, murder and mayhem.
The FBI and ATF (Alcohol, Tobacco & Fuck-Ups in the opinion of the head FBI agent) know about the delivery and agents from the 2 agencies keep falling out in the background. The ex-con's employer kidnaps his wife and kid to make sure he delivers the guns and we have a dramatic confrontation at the docks with lots of shooting.
Curiously, the confrontation takes place at night but everyone knocks off and it's full daylight when the wounded are taken to hospital. And just when everything seems to be going all right for our hero; he's got his family back, his home is safe and his driving licence has been restored; Meatloaf comes roaring back for revenge.
Black Eagle (1988) John-Claude van Damme, the Mersels from Brussels is a bad guy! An American F-11 fighter with a top-secret laser sight is shot down and crashes off Malta. Ken Tani, code name Black Eagle, finds that the CIA has shipped his kids to Malta so he can work on recovering the sight while spending time with them. He drops in by parachute. The Mersels is on the crew of a Russian spy trawler.
Tani has a CIA priest as an assistant and a lady CIA agent looking after the kids at Valetta. Tani plays tag with the Russians and kills some of them. He has to zap more of them at his hotel and their leader lets him know that his cover is blown. The Russians recover the sight and plan to ship it out on their cargo ship Gorki. They figure that the Yanks might blow up a trawler but they won't sink the Gorki.
The Russians grab the 2 kids and their minder, one kid gets away and the police end up with him. Tani goes to the castle to rescue the other kid and the minder, and does some karate with the Mersels. Then he goes after the laser sight. He has another confrontation with the Mersels, who comes to a sticky end, and with the priest's help, he recovers the sight and blows up the ship. The police invite him to leave town and he heads off to a holiday with his kids in Rome.
Blackjack (1998) A mobster threatens Casey, a casino owner's daughter, for a piece of the action, so he calls in Jack (Dolph Lundgren), who used to be in the Secret Service. Jack gets into a punch-up on arrival. The bad guys return to shoot up his pal's home and Jack ends up with a phobia about the colour white after a flash grenade goes off. His shrink tells him that most phobias can be cured and keep wearing the dark glasses.
A sniper takes a shot at the model Cinder on the catwalk at a fashion show. Casey is dumped on 'Uncle Jack' after her parents are killed. Cinder is in line for a $6 million contract and she has a million bodyguards. Their boss used to work with Jack in the Secret Service. He calls Jack in just before he takes a bullet for Cinder. Jack has to confiscate her pills and rescue her from the rail of a balcony.
Jack hides Cinder in a motel, she blows their security and they bug out into an ambush. Jack follows the killer into a dairy, loses his glasses in all that whiteness and gets beaten up, but the rest of the team saves his ass. Jack confiscates Cinder's new supply of pills and sets his shrink on her.
The stalker is Rory, Cinder's ex-husband. Jack and his batman walk into a trap; but get away. Jack is fired but he stays on the job. He wastes a dozen chances to shoot the stalker at another fashion show. Rory strolls off with Cinder and a fancy diamond necklace, but Jack overcomes his phobia and takes Rory out.
Black Knight (2001) Jamal, who's working for an entertainment park (think Eddie Murphy without all the effing and blinding), is hurled back to 1328. But he thinks he's in Castle World, a rival attraction which is about to open nearby. The locals assume he's a messenger from Normandy as they're expecting the duke. Jamal gets to see an execution, and he realized he's not in 2001.
Victoria, whom he fancies, thinks he's part of a plan to kill the king. Jamal tells the king he's the duke's jester as well as a messenger, so cut a lot of business. He foils an assassination attempt by accident and gets the castle security job instead of the stroppy Percy. He is sentenced to death for screwing the king's daughter but he persuades everyone that he is a sorcerer and the rebels rescue him.
The rebel camp is raided, Jamal tells the others to fight on and the queen reveals herself. A big battle at the castle and the Black Knight arrives; but Jamal makes a total prat of himself. Percy chucks the king in the moat but he ends up dead and everything is okay. Then Jamal finds himself back in 2001 briefly; until he suddenly finds himself in the Colosseum with the lions about to be released.
The Black Mask (1996) is something we've not seen for a long time a dubbed film. This one is made in Chinese but it doesn't look too strange on digital TV, where the sound sometimes becomes separated from the picture and one can hear the thud of a fallen object before seeing it hit a solid surface. The plot concerns a group of soldiers whose nervous systems have been removed so that they can't feel pain!
Their leader wants to wipe out all of the drug barons in Hong Kong(?) and do a deal with the Colombians. One of the soldiers doesn't go along with this and there is lots of martial arts mayhem and people not being fazed by being shot or stabbed in the heart with a tube (to let the blood gush).
The Black Scorpion (1995) Lt. Walker chases some bank robbers in L.A. and trashes them, there's a bloodbath in the E.R. and he shoots a doctor. 18 years later, his daughter, Dorothy, is a detective hunting a guy who's dressing up as a hooker and hunting a guy who's killing them. Her male partner, Michael, is over-protective. Darth's dad is now a drunken security guard, and the D.A. shoots him in a bar. The D.A. remembers nothing and pleads insanity.
Darth threatens him in his cell, she's suspended so she reinvents herself as the Black Scorpion, a vigilante avenger. Meanwhile, a mad bad guy at B.R.E.A.T.H. H.Q. is turning useful people into asthmatics, like the D.A., and controlling them. Darth saves the Mayor while he's parked in an alley and embarrasses him mightily. Michael fails to nick her.
The bad guy puts filter towers around L.A. to remove toxins, allegedly. Argyle at the chop shop customizes Darth's car for crime-fighting. Michael gets into a shoot-out with the bad guy's staff but the Black Scorpion saves him. Argyle & the Scorpionmobile save Darth from the cops. The Breathtaker hijacks the local TV to announce that he's going to gas the city so everyone had better buy one of his gas masks.
The bad guy was shot in the lungs by Lt. Walker, which is why he had him killed. Michael finds out that Darth is the Scorpion. The bad guy croaks, Darth gets the credit for saving the city and gets her job back. Michael loses a bit of his memory, which lets Darth carry on her secret superhero role.
Blade (1998, Wesley Snipes) Blade, a character out of the comics, kills vampires on an industrial scale by going to their clubs, hacking, stabbing, booting and dusting every vamp in sight, including a character called Quinn, and legging it before the cops arrive.
Quinn comes back to life while being autopsied. Blade rescues Dr. Karen Jenson, the bitten pathologist, and takes her to Whistler, his mentor, to try to stop her becoming a vampire. She finds out that cops work for vampires when Blade uses her as bait. Whistler tells her that Blade is a Daywalker, a human-vampire hybrid, who uses a special serum so that he doesn't have to drink human blood. She thinks she can make a permanent cure.
Some "pure blood" vampires think they should co-exist with humans, the ones who have been turned don't. Frost, who bit Blade's mother, captures him to use as part of a plan to sacrifice pure-bloods to turn Frostie into a god. Dr. Jenson frees Blade and lets him drink some of her blood.
Blade has a huge battle with Frost, who can regenerate when hacked to bits with a samurai sword. But he can't withstand multiple injections from Blade's syringes of blue stuff, and he swells up grotesquely and explodes. Then Blade tells Dr. Jenson he needs a better serum, not a cure, so he can continue to see off vampires.
Blade II (2002) A derelict sheduled for complete draining kills the staff of a bloodbank in Prague. Meanwhile, Blade, a Daywalker who can hold the Thirst at bay, is hunting his mentor, Whistler, who's been kidnapped and turned by vampires. Blade finds him in a stasis tank, rescues him and makes him human again.
Vampires penetrate his HQ but they have a message from Lord Eli. There's a mutant vampire, who's spreading his version of their virus and threatening to wipe out vampires then the human race. Blade is teamed up with the Blood Pack, which includes Lisa, Lord Eli's Pureblood daughter.
A battle in a vampire club shows Blade that the mutants are immune to silver & garlic, but not UV light, so Blade wants to take them on in during the day. Blade's assistant comes up with UV grenades and everyone heads for the sewers. Billions of mutants are wiped out. The vampires turn on Blade when they think the war is won.
Shock, horror! The mutants didn't evolve, they were created by Lord Eli, who botched the job, and Blade's assistant betrayed him. Lord Eli tries to have Blade harvested to find out why he's a Daywalker but Whistler saves him as mutant's attack Lord Eli's stronghold.
The original mutant kills Lord Eli and battles Blade, but he's fried after biting Lisa. So Blade lets her see the sunrise before she can turn into a mutant.
Blade Trinity (2004) An expedition woke up something nasty in the Syrian desert and Blade was seeing off vampires again. But he was bamboozled into killing a human, which set the FBI on his trail. A bunch of vampires had the creature from Syria stashed; they wanted it to kill Blade.
The Feds did a knocking job on Blade on TV as a young woman was taking out street-punk vamps, just like Blade. The Feds busted Blade's HQ, Whistler blew it up and Blade ended up in a cell at the mercy of a shrink who was a vampire familiar. Blade was rescued, only to end up in a 3-way scrap as his rescue force battled cops/Feds and the vampires sent to grab Blade.
The rescue force was led by Abi, Whistler's daughter, and a guy called Hannibal, and the Syrian revived by the vampires was Dracula! The new gang were working on a biological weapon to wipe out vampires and they wanted some of Dracula's blood for the untainted DNA.
Blade got to chase Dracula, who told him the vampires hoped he could turn them into Daywalkers. The police chief was another vampire familiar. He ended up dead after showing Blade a huge vampire blood farm, which Blade destroyed. Triple H and other vampires trashed the new gang's HQ and kidnapped Hannibal and Zoe, Abi's niece. Blade was told that the Daystar virus could kill him, too.
Blade battled Dracula while Hannibal battled Triple H, Dracula turned into Draczilla but a dose of the virus fixed his wagon. All of the vampires in the building, but not Blade, were taken out. Then the Feds arrived in force to sweep up the vampire ashes.
Blazing Saddles (1974) is as old as the hills now but it is a well worth watching again. In these politically correct days, you wouldn't get away with calling a black sheriff a 'nigger' once, and hearing it all through the film comes as something of a surprise. Still, lots of laughs and anarchy, and the movie framework itself is too small for the action, which bursts out of the film studios at the end. Classic comedy from Mel Brooks & Gene Wilder.
The Big Easy (1988) 2 a.m. in New Orleans and the cops have dead meat; Freddy, a wiseguy scumbag, dumped to send a message. Lt. Remy McSwain is visited by a blonde from the DA's office, Anne Osbourne, who's investigating police corruption, which is rife. More bodies and the rumour is that cops did the killings. Carmine the wiseguy is McSwain's prime suspect.
IAD sets up Lt. Remy for running a protection racket; the Captain was the real target of the sting. Remy's lawyer tells him to do a deal, but he doesn't want to go to gaol. He calls in a favour and gets someone to park a big magnet in the police property story next to the incriminating videotape. Case collapsed.
Carmine's warehouse blows up with him inside. Is it a drug war? Annie is kidnapped and dragged to Remy's Cajun celebration party. More bodies floating in the river. Remy tells the Captain to take him out of the 'Widows' & Orphans' Fund'. The killings are over 20-30 kilos of heroin. A mobster tells Annie there's no drug war going on just before he's whacked by someone in an unmarked police car.
Ms. Orbourne busts the police department and finds the car. Remy's brother is shot while wearing Remy's raincoat. The Captain, who wants to marry Remy's mom, tells him he wants to go out a winner. Remy admits to Annie that he's corrupt. The Captain is shot by his confederates when he tries to get rid of the dope, Remy shoots them and he ends up in the clear and married to Annie.
Blind Fury (1989) Rutger Hauer stars as Nick Parker, a US soldier who is blinded in Vietnam and adopted by a village, where he learns Samurai swordplay. 20 years later, he's in Miami to look up army buddy Frank, who's in Reno being dangled out of a window to persuade him to make designer drugs for a casino boss. One of the gangster's men and 2 corrupt cops arrive to collect Frank's kid (Billy), Frank's ex-wife ends up dead and Parker splits with the kid.
Billy is a real pain in the butt! He's grabbed while running away from Parker in a cornfield but rescued. The Head Bad Guy needs the drug money to keep his casino afloat. Parker gets the kid to Frank's place in Reno only to be captured with Annie, who works at the casino. She changes sides when Parker & the kid escape, and Parker ends up driving a stolen van through Reno when he breaks Annie's glasses.
Parker causes a riot in the casino when he proves the roulette wheels are rigged. Then he goes up to the penthouse to rescue Frank, the guy who left him in the lurch in 'Nam. Frank torches the lab but escapes with a box of blue drug.
Frank does a runner again when they are ambushed while trying to rescue the kid & Annie. But he fuses the lights to help Parker fight the bad guys. The HBG's deal falls through, Parker gets to fight a Japanese swordsman, all the bad guys are vanquished, and the film closes with a Shane moment.
Blind Horizon (2004) A bloke is found in the New Mexico desert and he's taken to hospital, shot & in a coma. The cigarette smoke of Liz, his nurse, triggers some memories of being left for dead and the bloke wakes up with amnesia.
4 Days to Rhombus The president is the the south-west of the USA but he's not due to visit this area. The sheriff finds John Doe's hotel room and a Chloe Richards, who's his fiancée. Frank Cavanaugh works for the IRS but he doesn't remember Chloe. He calls the Secret Service to warn them about a threat to the president but he can't provide any details.
3 Days to Rhombus Frank has a card with the word 'Rhombus' on it and a pager number. He is discharged from hospital. A journalist who wrote a story about him buzzes Frank in a bar. Frank finds a key taped under his phone in the hotel room. He has a confusing meeting in a cinema, he acquires a card with a website address and he's beaten up.
1 Day to Rhombus A guy crashes a tanker rig to divert the president to the town where Frank is. Liz finds the card and ends up looking at a Swiss bank account with a balance of 5,000,000.00 and the chance to transfer the cash. Then she tells Frank she's leaving town and invites him to join her.
Frank follows the reporter but learns that all he's up to is proving that the deputy sheriff is being paid off by a Mexican people smuggler. A body turns up in the desert. The sheriff learns that Chloe is a fake. Frank finds an FBI ID. He's one of a team of 3 assassins. The lady who hired him admits using him to find the rest of his team when the hit was called off. She ends up dead, as does Chloe. Frank takes out a sniper before he can plug the president and takes off with Liz.
Blood from the Mummy's Tomb (1972) An Egyptian princess his buried alive with her right hand hacked off and crawling about outside her tomb. The priests have their throats ripped out. In the present, Margaret Fuchs is having bad dreams and we are introduced to a collection of weirdos. Her father led the expedition which found Princess Tera's miraculously preserved body. Margaret was born at that moment and her mother died giving birth to her.
The Professor gives Tera's ring to Margaret, who is being spied on by their neighbour, Mr. Corbeck, who was also on the expedition. He tells Margaret about her father's obsession with Tera. Corbeck wants to reassemble the old team and a collection of artefacts to reunite Tera's dormant body with her soul.
Tera takes over Margaret's body and begins to kill the desecrators of her tomb. Margaret and her crazy father begin the ritual to revive Tera but the professor comes to his senses. Corbeck is killed, Tera awakes and kills the professor, so Margaret stabs her and Tera dies. At the end, Margaret wakes up in hospital, bandaged up like a mummy, with panic in her eyes!
Blow Up (1966) A poseur of a photographer takes some pix of 2 people in a park. The woman wants the film and she'd prepared to pay for it. Our precious hero spends the first half of the film pratting about then he makes some prints. Big ones. And convinces himself that the woman spots someone else spying on herself and her boyfriend. Or is it a guy with a gun after the boyfriend?
A couple of groupie scrubbers crash his deliberations so they do some naked wrestling. Back to the blow-ups. Is that a body? There's the boyfriend, dead, when the photographer makes a nocturnal trip to the park. The blow-ups are gone when he gets back home.
No, there's one still showing what could be a body. He tries to drag his stoned mate, Ron, to the park but Ron doesn't want to know. And there's no sign of a body the next morning. So the whole thing fizzles out.
Blood Simple (1983) was billed as a stylish thriller. A bar owner hires a private eye to spy on his wife and Ray, an employee who is also her lover. When hired to kill them, the PI fakes pictures of the couples dead and shoots the bloke, after he's been paid, with the wife's gun.
Ray goes to the bar, finds the gun and buries the bloke alive, assuming the wife shot him. But she has no idea what he's talking about when Ray says he's cleaned up the mess. Another employee accuses Ray of stealing money from the safe. Ray opens the safe and finds the PI's photo. He stalks the couple and shoots Ray, but he misses the wife. And when he goes after her, it's the PI who is shot.
Blood Work (2002, Clint Eastwood) There was a killer writing messages and numbers in blood. Terry, an ancient FBI man, chased a hoodie, had a heart attack and shot off some bullets at the hoodie. Then he got a heart transplant and was shuffled into retirement. The sister of the donor contacted him, wanting to know who had killed her sister, who was shot in the head during a robbery at a store.
Terry harassed the cop on the case, who said it was just a 2-bit robbery gone bad. Except, there was a similiar crime. A guy shot in the head at an ATM and a good Samaritan phoning for an ambulance. Next, Terry went to a lady sheriff, who owed him a favour. His doctor ordered him to stop investigating for the sake of his new heart, and sacked Terry when he carried on.
Terry harassed a Russian suspect, who obligingly did a runner. Helped by his pal Buddy, Terry looked for a link between the 2 victims. He realized that he'd seen the killer at the ATM when he visited the murder scene. The cops found the Russian; with the murder weapon and murdered. Case closed, said the cop. No way, said Terry.
He made a connection of rare blood types and transplants between the 2 victims and himself. The killer got his car shot up. Surprise! Crazy Buddy was the bad guy. And he kidnapped the sister and her nephew. He was smarter than Terry but, luckily, not smarter than the heart-donor's sister, who got to dunk him and drown him after Terry had shot him up a bit.
Blue Demon (2004) Four young university girls lark about in a high security area. Chomp! Just three-and-a-half of them. The midget in charge of a project to breed a new type of controllable great white shark had the electric fence turned off to save money. The sharks can be made not to attack. The boss wants to know if the reverse is possible so they can be used as a weapon.
Dr. Nathan Collins and his wife, Dr. Marla, are getting a divorce. When the military arrive for a briefing 6 weeks later, no sharks. Maintenance was messing with the fence and they got out. And they won't obey a recall signal. The general in charge refuses to issue a warning, so some civilians get killed and Dr. Nathan is arrested for terrorism when he tries to tell the Coastguard about the threat.
Dr. Marla rescues her husband, so she's also labelled a terrorist. 4 sharks are recovered, 1 is killed and 1 is missing. The rogue is under the control of the general, who has strapped a Russian nuke to it. But the gang retrieves Red Dog and it blows up the facility along with the general. The Golden Gate Bridge is saved, there's no fall-out and no risk to the public and, surprise! Dr. Marla didn't file the divorce papers.
Blue Streak (1999) A gang of crooks are busted on a diamond heist, one of them stashes a big rock. When he gets out of gaol, he is dismayed to find the building full of cops! So he creates a fake identity as Detective Malone, keeps trying to search the air-conditioning system for the stashed diamond and ends up entangled in a big FBI drug operation.
He drops the rock into a pallet of drugs and has to chase it. His old partners get in the way, and the white guy drives off with the truck full of drugs and the diamond. Malone follows him into Mexico when the cops and the FBI have to stop at the border.
Pete won't be reasonable and he ends up dead. Malone tells his former colleagues that he's really Mexican and an undercover Federale. But his partner knows he's really Miles Logan, American thief. But as Logan is standing one yard inside Mexico during the conversation, he can't be busted.
Blue Thunder (1983, Roy Scheider) "Where the hell's Murphy?" The hotshot, maverick L.A. police pilot gets a new sidekick as a member of the mayor's team on violence is killed. Murphy realizes a cover-up is going on when the cops keep going on about a non-existent rape. He is grounded and he's up for a psych evaluation as he gets flashbacks to Vietnam.
The commissioner dies and Murphy finds a document at the crime scene, which the police team missed. Murphy is put on a special detail to fly a new helicopter prototype; it's to stop a Munich-style massacre at the L.A. Olympics. But there's also a hidden agenda to stir up trouble in the Hispanic community so that the chopper can be used on them.
Murphy has to work with Col. Cochrane, who tried to get him court martialled in Vietnam. He makes Murphy have a helicopter crash. Murphy records him talking about the attack on the commissioner and promising to kill Murphy. Murphy's sidekick is killed and Murphy is blamed.
Murphy strolls off with Blue Thunder and sends his recording to the TV news via his girlfriend. He gets into an aerial battle with first a pair of F16s then Cochrane, and L.A. gets it big-time! Cochrane is wiped out, Murphy parks the $5M chopper in front of a train and the bad guys are exposed on the TV news and busted.
Boa Vs Python (2004) This is a thoroughly daft comedy "creature feature". Mr. Broddick imports a huge python from S.E. Asia, planning to assemble a bunch of paying customers to hunt it. Only it escapes in Pennsylvania and invades the Philadelphia water & power plant, where it snacks on a couple of workers. The local police find the abandoned python transporter and Agent Sharp of the CIA takes Monica, a tracking expert to see Dr. Emmett, a snake expert [a.k.a. Dr. McKay of Stargate Atlantis]
Emmett has a giant boa constrictor (which is red to distinguish it from the green python), to which Monica fits a tracking device while Broddick gets his hunt going. The boa is released into the water plant's tunnels. The tracking gear works only some of the time. Boa and python get to mating. Agent Sharp is blown away by the hunters and the boa starts laying eggs.
Broddick's girlfriend is crushed after she breaks an egg. Broddick is busted by the army. The python is eating the eggs. Broddick steals a troop transporter and goes on the rampage with his flame-thrower when the python invaded a rave-up and eats the D.J. Monica is almost eaten. Broddick is eaten. The snakes do battle in the U-Bahn. The python loses its head and Betty the Boa escapes.
The Bone Collector (1999) has a quadriplegic crime scene investigator (black) recruiting a black female beat cop to do the on-the-spot work as he pursues a demented serial killer from his bed. Unlikely? You bet! Amelia chokes when the expert tells her to cut a dead woman's hands off to preserve fingerprints on handcuffs. The captain takes personal control of the case and sacks the expert; only to make a fool of himself. The killer is leaving coded messages at the crime scenes and he is working through the killings at a turn of the century (19th/20th) book called The Bone Collector. His excuse is that the expert's testimony ruined his career and the killer's final target is the expert!
Bone Daddy (1998) features Rutger Hauer as a former medical examiner, who turns the unsolved case of a serial killer into a dire but best-selling work of fiction called Bone Daddy, only to set the killer killing again. His literary agent becomes the next victim and his son is also scheduled for the chop at the final confontation after the killer is unmasked by clever forensic work.
The Bourne Identity (2002) A man shot twice in the back is hauled out of the sea by a fishing boat's crew. A doctor removes his bullets and finds a laser gadget under the skin of his hip. It projects the details of a Jason Bourne's Swiss bank account. The man with the implant doesn't know if it's his because he has amnesia. Meanwhile, a CIA agent reports the failure of a mission to his boss.
The Geneva police roust Bourne while he's kipping on a park bench and he sorts them out. Meanwhile, a deposed African dictator is accusing the CIA of trying to kill him while trying to blackmail the CIA into returning him to power so that he doesn't name names and spill the beans on what they've been up to in a book. So Bourne's boss is in the doghouse for failing to kill Mr. Wambosi.
Bourne goes to the deposit vault and finds his passport, lots of cash, a gun and a whole bunch of other passports in other names. He takes refuge in the American embassy with the cops after him, and gets into a fight with Security. Bourne wanders around on the outside of the building then buys a ride to Paris for $20K from Maria, a stroppy woman who was raising hell in the embassy over the uselessness of the staff.
Bourne has a palatial apartment in Paris. One of his alternative identities, Kane, was killed in a car crash 2 weeks earlier. An armed intruder attacks Bourne at the apartment then dives out of the window, leaving behind a leaflet with pictures of Bourne & Marie. There's a car chase with the cops, some of it wrong-way driving, and Marie gets a new haircut.
Wambosi looks at the 'Kane' body in the morgue and decides it's not the right bloke. Then a sniper takes him out. The CIA think Bourne did the job and he'll return to the fold having completed his mission (not knowing about his amnesia). Bourne and Marie go on the run. Bourne survives a shoot-out with another free-lance and ditches Marie with a big bag of cash. Then he uses the dead guy's phone to call the CIA. They turn up mob-handed to a meeting so Bourne invades their base, which is being closed down.
There, he learns that he's a malfunctioning $30 million agent who's supposed to be invisible. He wasn't sent to kill Wambosi directly, he was supposed to make it look like an assassination by one of Wabosi's organization. Bourne starts remembering the mission and he quits the CIA with violence. The man in charge of his project is whacked by the CIA as part of the tidying up process. Finally, Bourne tracks down Marie.
The Bourne Supremacy (2004) is a sequel to the Identity. Jason Bourne starts remembering bits of a mission after 2 years. A CIA operation in Berlin goes pear-shaped and the Russians are up to no good. Bourne spots a Russian assassin looking for him in India and his girlfriend is killed when their Jeep takes a dive off a bridge after a car chase.
The Russians planted Bourne's fingerprint in Germany and Agent Pamela Landry of the CIA finds that Bourne's records are blocked with those of the Treadstone Project, a black on black assassination bureau. The CIA is looking for $20 million, which vanished during a wire transfer. Landry and Ward Abbott (who used to run Treadstone) are told to take Bourne out.
Bourne fights his way from Naples to Munich to Berlin, where he tells Landry he wants to come in. She sends Nicky, whom he used to know in Amsterdam, to collect him. He tells her he was in India, 4,000 miles away, when Landry's operation in Berlin flopped. Bourne remembers being in Berlin but Nicky tells him Treadstone never sent him there.
A CIA tech proves Bourne didn't sabotage the operation so Abbott kills him. He and a Russian used the stolen CIA cash to buy Russian oil leases, and the wheels are starting to come off their scam. Bourne shoves a gun against Abbott's head until he has recorded a confession, which he sends to Landry. She plays it after Abbott kills himself.
Bourne goes to Moscow next. Police assassins chase him to a huge pile up in a tunnel and the Russian crook is busted. Then apologizes to the daughter of the Russian MP Neskii, whom he killed for Treadstone 2 years before. The MP's wife was framed for murder/suicide by Abbott. Bourne then phones Landry, who tells him his real name.
The Bourne Ultimatum (2007) is set 6 weeks after the riot in Moscow and the suicide of the bent section head. Agent Landry doesn't think Bourne is a threat but the CIA is still gunning for him. He's in Paris, France. A Guardian reporter knows about Project Black Friar, so he's a target. He's also writing a series of articles about Bourne. The journo tells Bourne his contact knows Bourne's secret. Then he's whacked. Bur Bourne gets his notebook.
Daniels, the leak, is in Madrid; he does a runner when he sees the TV news. Nasty Noah, who failed to kill Bourne as well as the journalist, calls in Agent Pamela Landry to quarterback the search for Bourne. She spots that Bourne isn't the leak and spots the guy in Madrid in seconds.
Bourne flattens some CIA stooges in Madrid and meets Nicky again. She was in Treadstone and she knows where Daniels is. Black Friar is black ops without red tape and Daniels has all the details. Everyone goes to Tangiers, where Daniels has stashed stolen CIA cash. Daniels is blown up and Bourne is chased by Keystone Kops.
Landry does some digging and Nicky goes into hiding. Bourne goes to New York to spy on Landry's office from across the street. His real name is David Webb. Nasty Noah goes after him. Bourne burgles his office. Cue another chase. Bourne heads for the Treadstone training facility in a stolen cop car. He gives a stolen file to Landy, who faxes it away under Nasty Noah's nose.
The head trainer says that Webb volunteered to become Bourne, the killer. Bourne suddenly remembers everything. The CIA director is in deep trouble over Black Friar, so is Nasty Noah and the guy who ran the program. And David Webb is in the wind at the end.
Brazil (1985, Terry Gilliam dir.) The look is 1930s, the technology is 1940s Heath Robinson, and the state is Stasi and bungling. Samuel Lowry has no ambition but his plastic surgery-addicted mother wants to put him in Information Retrieval. The food in restaurants is disgusting and terrorists have been blowing things up for 13 years. All Sam wants to do is dream about being a birdman, flying around his dream girl.
Sam becomes involved in paying a refund to a Mrs. Buttle, whose husband was arrested and killed by the state by mistake, and he needs to be in Information Retrieval to abuse the system to track down his dream girl. Jill turns out to be one of the terrorists, who are much the same as the minions of the state. Sam deletes Jill from the system.
Sam is busted by storm troopers and Jill is killed by mistake during his arrest. Sam is about to be taught how to love Big Brother when he's liberated by the Resistance and they blow up the Ministry of Information. And Jill ain't dead. Wrong, Sam has just been brainwashed and now he loves Big Brother. Just like Winston Smith.
Brainstorm (1983) is about a virtual reality system, which records everything from all 5 senses and gives someone replaying the tape the same experience as the person who recorded the tape. Lillian, the female on the team, doesn't want the company to let the military have the system, but she has a heart attack and records herself croaking. Michael, her co-worker, replays the tape, finds himself replaying Lillian's memories and ends up in hospital.
His boss locks the tape away and boots Michael off the project. So he hacks into the company's computer, watched by the staff, and finds his invention is being perverted by the US government for brainwashing. Then his stupid kid experiences a tape of someone having a psychotic episode and ends up in hospital. Michael sabotages an automatic factory and hacks into the system again. And then he replays the whole of Lillian's tape and doesn't croak himself. A somewhat pointless film.
Breed, The (2001) Two cops in a future totalitarian society fall foul of a super-strong vampire and the NSA tells the survivor, Grant, that there are some 4,000 vampires world-wide. Vampires are a mutated super-breed, they made contact the year before and they no longer need human blood. Grant is teamed with Gray, a vampire cop, who wants to catch the renegade, who is a member of a militant group which is trying to disrupt human-vampire relations.
The humans have a virus that acts like ebola on vampires. Grant gets to see vampire society and get personal with a rather Oriental looking Lucy Westenra vampire. There's a dramatic but rather pointless shoot-out involving human storm troopers, vampire refugees and the vampires who are helping them to go into hiding to tie in with Gray's flashbacks to being persecuted by the Nazis in his native Poland. The vampires get to prove they're stronger than humans and they can float about in mid-air while shooting off their guns.
Grant might have been infected with all the vampire blood flying around. Some of the vampires are going into hiding and the rest are getting ready to fight the humans, so Dr. Seward decides to release the virus. But Grant learns that it kills humans but vampires recover from it. And Dr. Fleming, the creator of the virus, thinks he's going to be made into a vampire. Wrong! All he gets is his throat cut. But an internally applied hand grenade, and an exploding boss vampire, solves all problems. Grant isn't infected, after all, and he ends up with Lucy.
Broken Arrow (1996) Boxing buddies Captain Hale & Major Deacon have to fly a mission in a stealth bomber loaded with 2 nukes as a test of US detection systems. Only Deacon is planning to hand the nukes over to some bad guys. He makes Hale eject, blames him for the crash, dumps the nukes and ejects himself. Hale is found in the Utah desert by a female park ranger, who tries to arrest him.
The Defense Department's initial reaction is to lie about a stealth bomber crashing but Mr. Prentice, a smart guy, tells them they'll never get away with it. Deacon meets the bad guys, who complain that the nukes are in the wrong place. Deacon & Co. bamboozle the US Military into thinking the bombs have split open. Then they shoot up the ranger's truck.
Hale shoots down their helicopter, almost writing the ranger off. Prentice realizes there was no accidental crash but he assumes Hale plans to ransom the nukes. Hale and the ranger manage to capture the Hummer carrying the nukes and take them into a mine. Deacon catches up with them, removes one nuke and leaves Hale & the ranger to be blown up by the other one.
Hale & the ranger escape and the nuke goes off safely underground. The ranger is kidnapped and she ends up on a train with Deacon & Co. and the remaining nuke. By now, Deacon has disposed of his client and he's following his own plan; which is to blow up Denver, not Salt Lake City, Hale deduces.
Lots of shooting, lots of fighting. Hale boards the train from a helicopter, he sabotages Deacon's helicopter on the train and he boxes Deacon for the nuke's remote control. Deacon dies horribly, Hale & the ranger get off the train and there is a huge train wreck. Which the nuke survives.
Broken City (2013) A New York cop is being railroaded for executing a monster, the rent-a-mobs are out in force but the judge tosses the case. The police commissioner is upset but the mayor isn't. 7 years later, the Mayor is up for re-election and the cop is a PI, who's owed 42 grand. The mayor offers Billy 50 grand to find out who's having an affair with his wife. He reckons he won't be re-elected if Billy can't finish the job before polling day.
The guy is the rival candidate's campaign manager. The mayor's wife fails to buy him off and Billy dives into a bottle after being sober for 7 years. The campaign manager is murdered, the commissioner fails to frame Billy for it, and he gets Jack, the boozed-up rival candidate, away from the crime scene. Billy asks the mayor's wife what is going on? She admits she was trying to blackmail a divorce out of her husband over a housing scam.
Billy goes snooping and gets his car wrecked. He finds out who killed the campaign manager, tells the mayor he knows what the scam is, and tells the mayor to walk away from his job, or else. The mayor has a video of Billy killing the monster 7 years before. But Billy plays a recording of their conversation to the commissioner. The mayor wins the election but the commissioner arrives at the celebration party to bust him for murder.
Buffy the Vampire (1992, Donald Sutherland, Rutger Hauer) The most vacuous choice that her mentor could have made wants to be a cheerleader and she doesn't want to spend her time slaying the many vampires, which infest her town. But she's a teenager and she can change her mind.
Buffy complains that the Watcher isn't doing anything. He tells her that he's a trainer, not a slayer, and he keeps having to do it lifetime after lifetime. There are a lot of vampires to be slain everywhere after dark; some new, some who've been around for centuries.
One of the ancients slays the Watcher. Buffy is dumped on the day of the big school dance but she has an alternate BF. A gang of vamps turns up to get Buffy. But she gets the better of them and the ancient leader gets the point.
It seems rather strange that this quirky and amusing film spawned 7 seasons of a TV series of the same name. But the 1990s seems to have been an inspiring decade. The Stargate film of a couple of years later inspired a TV version which ran for 10 series. They don't write them like that any more.
Bugs (2003) A cop chases a suspect into a tunnel, and is killed horribly and torn apart. An insect-like digestive enzyme is found on the body and a female expert decides the cop was eaten by a huge insect. VIPs board a train for a 'half-way' party; the tunnel project now goes 18 miles through a mountain and 2 miles deep. The boss of the company building the tunnel, who isn't on the train, doesn't believe there's anything big down there; but he has to change his mind when giant bugs invade the train and kill everyone aboard.
A SWAT team, plus the female expert, goes in to sort the bugs out, and starts taking casualties when a whole swarm of big bugs attacks. The mouth of the tunnel is sealed off and they have to find their own way out. They stop their train at a station to try to change a set of points and the bugs attack again. The 'expert' decides the insects are 65 million years old and from the Carboniferous Period (315,000,000 BC to 280,000,000 BC), so she's out by only about 200-250 million years.
The survivors have to change the points manually to reach a staging area for equipment, which lies off the main line. They also erect an electrified fence, which is powered by the dwindling fuel cell on the train. The expert finds some dead bugs and concludes they were trying to moult and change into another form.
The big boss shows up at the staging area, which contains dynamite, which the team plans to use to blow up the tunnel. He offers the 4 survivors $20 million apiece if they don't blow up the multi-billion-dollar tunnel and let him send in some expendable exterminators to try to take care of the bugs. Some of the bugs have developed into a flying form, and they get the boss when he tries to lock the team in and escape by helicopter.
The engineer chooses to blow himself up with the train, a SWAT guy who went mad dies battling a flying bug and the SWAT leader and the expert escape after another flying bug is fried when the big bang goes off.
Bulletproof Monk (2003) Tibet 1943: A monk completes his training and he gets the job of protecting a scroll with a message, for which the world is not yet ready. Meanwhile, the Nazis are closing in, they kill everyone and the monk goes off a cliff. 60 years later, in the USA, the monk and a thief combine to save a kid's life in the subway. The thief strolls off with the scroll and he's nabbed by a gang which thinks it has the local crime franchise. Jade, the head bad guy's girlfriend, looks a lot like Dr. Cameron in House MD.
The monk gets the scroll back and decides that Kar, the thief, could be his successor. So the monk moves in with him. Meanwhile, the Nazis are running a human rights organization as a scam and the guy from Tibet in 1943 thinks the scroll will rejuvenate him; and the local monks think they've found a successor to Bulletproof.
The Nazis crash a training session and gets the scroll; which turns out to be a recipe for noodle soup. Mr. Fujima gets it but Kar and the monk escape to Jade's place. Her gaolbird father is the head of the Russian Mafia. The Nazis grab the monk, who has the text of the scroll tattoo'd on his body. Jade & Kar infiltrate the human rights organization's HQ.
The Nazi rejuvenates but finds the last verse is in the monk's memory. Lots of ultra-violence, the Nazi is fried and having fulfilled 3 prophecies, Kar gets the monk's job and the tattoos. The Nazi returns to shoot Jade but he's crushed by a statue as the cops arrive. Jade isn't dead, however, and she become co-guardian of the message.
Bullet To Beijing (1995, Michael Caine) Harry Palmer was watching demonstrators at the North Korean embassy in London when one of the "diplomats" started shooting and a KGB agent in the crowd was killed with the "old Bulgarian umbrella trick". Then his boss gave Palmer accelerated retirement on a pittance of a pension.
Palmer got an Aeroflot ticket and in invitation to St. Petersburg. A gang of Chechens chased him all over the place. Alex, the Survivor, had a secret job for him; a delivery run to Beijing. He said that his company had lost the Red Death biological weapon and Palmer was to recover it "by any means necessary" for $250,000.
The Chechens kept ambushing Palmer and he and Nikolai, who worked for Alex, were chucked off the train. They got a lift on a plane, on which nothing worked, then they drove around being shot at until they got back aboard the train. Palmer discovered that Alex was selling the weapon to the Chinese for heroin. And there was Nic thinking that Alex was a Russian patriot.
Palmer ran into his old sparring partner Kim, who gave him a new passport and didn't kill him. Nic admitted that the weapon delivered to Kim was a fake and Palmer burnt the formula. Back at St. Pete, Palmer let the Russian Mafia hijack the drugs and the Chinese invited the Chechens for a shooting match. A DEA guy took one for Palmer, who blew up the truck with the drugs and decided to stay in St. Pete and start a business.
Bullitt (1968, Steve McQueen) April 1968 in Chicago. The Mob is after Johnny Ross, who has stolen $2 million. Even his own brother is informing against him, so he escapes to San Francisco. Lt. Frank Bullitt of SFPD gets the job of protecting the fugitive, who will inform against the Mob. Politician Walter Chalmers is hoping to use both Ross and the cop to further his political career. Ross is stashed but Mob assassins shoot Ross and a cop on protection duty. He tells Bullitt that Ross opened the door to the killers.
Bullitt asks awkward questions about the deal with Ross and Chalmers threatens to ruin his career if Ross dies. Bullitt chases the distinctively white-haired killer when he turns up at the hospital but he gets away. Ross croaks but Bullitt keeps the news from Chalmers. He contacts an informant, who tells him why the Mob is after Ross. Chalmers unloads a writ of habeas corpus on Bullitt's captain.
Bullitt notices he's being followed and gets on the tail of the pursuit car for the signature chase through the streets of San Francisco. The killer eventually goes up in an explosion at a petrol station out in the wilds. Bullitt has to tell the captain that Ross is dead. Bullitt follows the trail of a woman, whom Ross phoned just before he was shot. She turns up dead. Some fingerprint checks at Chicago show that Chalmers had an imposter. So everyone goes after the real Ross.
Bullitt stops Ross' plane at San Francisco airport and makes Ross give himself away. Ross runs for it, then tries to shoot it out with Bullitt; and loses. Exit Chalmers with the hump at losing his star witness. Bullitt goes home to his wife and realizes that she might just be right when she was worrying about his becoming as dehumanized as the criminals he deals with.
Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid (1969) The guys were getting old but they were still thieving and Butch wanted to go to Bolivia. Harvey (Ted Cassidy, a.k.a. Lurch) wanted to take over as leader of the Hole In The Wall Gang and rob trains instead of banks. He had a great idea for the Flyer rob it going one way and rob it again on the return journey.
Too much dynamite on a BIG safe sent cash flying everywhere. Then another train arrived bearing a posse which wouldn't quit. Even at night. A friend told Butch & Sundance they were just 2-bit outlaws out of their time, they were going to be killed and all they could do was pick where it happened.
Trapped on a cliff edge, our heroes jumped into the river below to evade the posse. They rejoined Eta, who told them that the boss of the Union Pacific Railroad was determined to get them. So the 3 off them went to New York and took a steamer to Bolivia, which didn't impress Sundance. Eta had to teach them bank-robbery Spanish.
Bigger and bigger posses of Federales chased los Banditos Yanquis and the marshall who'd chased them in the States turned up. Butch decided they should get jobs, but work as payroll guards didn't work out. Eta went back to the United States. Butch & Sundance were ratted out to the Federales and trapped in a small town and shot up.
A company of the Bolivian army arrived while our heroes were getting their breath back after a skirmish with the Federales. Butch's latest idea was to go to Australia after they'd shot their way out of the trap. But they ended up banditos Yanquis muertos!
The Butterfly Effect 2 (2006) Two couples in a car, a tyre blows out and a huge truck trailer hits the car. Only Nick survives. A year later, he's working for a flaky start-up company, which is hovering inches from disaster, and he keeps having migraines and nose bleeds. And doing Groundhog Day leaps back into the past. Suddenly, Julie (the girlfriend) is alive again, and so are the other couple, and Nick gets himself fired from his crap job.
Groundhog. Nick's vice president of the company, he lives in a palace, he's servicing the boss' nympho wife and he's dumped Julie, who is murdered. Groundhog. Nick dumps Julie before the car crash can happen. Then she tells him she's pregnant and dashes off in his car; the one with the tyre which will blow out. Nick steals a car to go after her and sails off a cliff. So Julie becomes an unmarried mom with a baby called Nick.
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