[Sunday, 01st] Russian GP [13:00, Sky Sports F1] Mayhem on lap 1 and Vettel was crashed out by 2 hefty shunts up the back by Kvyat, who got a 10 second stop/go penalty. VSC then SC for a while. Hamilton's car croaked after Q2 yesterday so he started 10th and finished 2nd. Raikkonen started and finished 3rd. Yawn.

[Monday, 02nd] Gotham [22:00, Channel 5] Gordon was banged up in gaol with homicidal maniacs and a governor who wanted him dead. He was moved out of protective custody into the general population. Harvey told him that Dr. Lee conveniently lost the baby. Penguin was in a house full of ghosts, his dad reckoned. His sisters told dad that Oswald was a dreadful criminal but he said he knew and the lad was reformed.
   The girls got creative. Dad had a funny turn. Gordon and his cellmate were sprung after Harve enlisted the help of the local criminal community. The girls poisoned their dad before he could change his will in Oswald's favour. Jim Gordon decided that he had to go back to Gotham to clear his name.

[Tuesday, 03rd] Castle [21:00, Alibi] Hayley was involved in spying and burglary and the guy with her was croaked. She was given a code 44 message and told she didn't need to know anything else. She was also looking over Castle's shoulder at the police investigation. She made a witness change his story about Carla, the woman he failed to seduce.
   Hayley admitted she was at the crime scene and became the prime suspect for killing Marcus. MI6 employed them for a private job. Carla killed another loose end. Hayley had $10M wired to her bank account; she was being set up to take the blame for a cyber attack on England. There was an FBI warrant out for Hayley. Carla was busted. There was an undead MI6 agent, Connors. The cops saved Hayley from him and Hayley offed him. An MI6 guy offered Hayley her job back and she told him to piss off.
The Closer [22:00, Alibi] Where's Eric? His mom spots his bike, abandoned, and he's found drugged and floating in a swimming pool. Brenda is still being stitched up for getting a killer killed. Eric's father goes on a violent rampage. Did the divorced wife's BF do it? He used to be in the LVPD but he had to resign for domestic abuse, which he says is garbage. Did he give the kid Vicodin?
   Captain Raider keeps harassing Brenda. The kid's parents are having a nasty divorce and the wife refused to marry the BF because it would cost her loot. Then the father said he did it because the wife had ruined everything. At the end, Captain Raider told Brenda she was being set up and she needed to get a lawyer.

[Wednesday, 04th] Outrageous Acts of Science [20:00, Disco] Win or Fail feature: hot ice; the tree ninja; biker into a car; pendulum pillock; spinning sky diver; taser handball; tractor tug-o-war; camouflaged furry goats; wasabi torture alarm clock; the daft dog paddle; flip fail then win; roller coaster snack fail; tandem infinity tumble fail then win; pole paralysis; exploding liquid aluminium; the annoying horn guy; the exploding dynamometer; 110 m car jump catastrophe.

[Thursday, 05th] Elementary [21:00, Living] Watson has a personal spy and SH is looking for a prisoner who escaped in Russia. There's a double homicide in Redhook; a crime scene staged to look like a car-jacking gone wrong. SH found a camera and fake blood; Butch was staging a fake murder of Jarrod, but someone else blew them away.
   Butch was hired to kill Jarrod but got cute. The wife suspected the business partner, Davis. Watson's mole told her no more spying. There was a Lake Placid connection and gin seng worth $20M! His dad burgled SH but failed to find what he was looking for.
   Butch was off to Tahiti without his girlfriend? Jarrod's widow was raked in. He was about to ditch her and that's why she killed him and the dodgy assassin. At the end, Emile, Watson's mole, was murdered in a fake diner robbery.
Lie To Me [22:00, Alibi] Young wife, Clara, kills ancient husband Victor and doesn't remember what she was doing at the time of the murder? The ex-Mrs. Cal appears for the defence and Cal is on the other side. He knows that Clara has a secret. There's $1.2 billion at stake. Cal is a riot in court. Dr. Foster is coaching other witnesses. Cal tells his ex that her client is innocent.
   Damien, the dead guy's stroppy son, gets the treatment. The prosecutor isn't bothered by Cal's antics; he has an ace up his sleeve. He knows Clara was stealing from her husband; but it was only because her best mate was blackmailing her. What about Leo, the business partner? Another sensation in court. Crumbs! Leo helped Victor to commit suicide!!

[Friday, 06th] NCIS [Reasonable Doubts, 21:00, FX] A woman shot her husband? The wife sez it was the other woman. Dinbozo's dad turned up at NCIS to help them? He seemed to have acquired an unsuspected daughter: Susan, a bag lady who was too confused to remember her last name. Dad dumped her in Dinbozo's apartment and wrecked the place a bit.
   The dead guy's wife and mistress were polygraphed. Homeless Sue did a runner. The dead guy hated both women and he killed himself. Did one of them make it look like murder to stitch up the other? No, they were both in an attempt to swindle the $2M insurance from a no-suicide policy. Susan had a brain tumour.

[Saturday, 07th] Midsomer Murders [The Green Man, 18:00, ITV 3] A collapse in the Tunnel at the canal restoration project, Mrs. Barnaby is trapped; there's another walled up tunnel containing 7 ancient bodies and one newer one. His Lordship, a retired judge, doesn't approve of Mr. Webster's canal restoration. Tom the tramp disarms the local yobs. One of them is shot. Troy gets the case. DCI Tom Barnaby finds that Eric, his body, disappeared in 1945.
   The yobs attack Tom and kill his pet fox. Another dead yob for Troy, who sets the police dog team after the elusive Tom. 'Is Lordship goes in to bat for Tom. Surprise! Tom is Eric's son. Barnaby gets tough with the retired copper who covered up Tom killing his violent father. 'Is Lordship helped later on.
   Mrs. Webster has been putting it about with the yobs. Mr. Webster shoots her, so that's Cully out of a PR job with the canal project. No, Webster is protecting his son, the killer, and Daniel is with Cully. But he's ready to confess all to her dad.

[Sunday, 08th] MotoGP of France @ Le Mans [09:30, BTSport2] Moto3: Binder shot past pole man Antonelli and riders flying off on lap 1/24. Fenati suddenly zoomed into the lead. Lots of slipstream passing. Binder was back ahead with 15 to go but only for a while. Binder was leading into the last lap ahead of Fenati and Navarro, and held on for the win.
Moto2: Luthi kept the lead from pole. Folger went off at turn 6 on lap 2/26. Lowes was just in the top 10. Rins swapped the lead with Luthi, who suddenly dropped back to 4th. Alex Marquez went out with 12 laps to go. Corsi caught up with Rins. Zarco crashed with 9 to go. Luthi was up to 3rd. Corsi decided to settle for 2nd, leaving the win to Rins. Lowes finished 6th and lost the series lead to Rins.
MotoGP: Lorenzo on pole with Marquez & Iannone on the front row. Lots of overtaking on lap 1/28. Dovizioso and Iannone got past Marquez. Iannone went past Dovi without taking him out, but Iannone crashed out on lap 7. Crutchlow went out on the next lap. Rossi was 3rd on lap 13 and 2nd on the next lap.
   Dovi and Marquez both fell off at turn 7 of lap 16 at exactly the same time but about 3 bike-lengths apart. Viñales inherited 3rd. Marquez remounted and scrabbled 3 points for 13th place. Everyone behind him was out. Bradley Smith also went out at turn 7 with 9 laps to go.

[Monday, 09th] Gotham [22:00, Channel 5] Bruce Wayne upsets Selena by taking a frivolous attitude to stolen cash. Captain Barnes threatens Harve over the escaped prisoner, Gordon. Nygma knows that Gordon is looking for whoever framed him. Penguin blubs at his dad's funeral and the family makes him a skivvy, planning to do him in later on.
   Dr. Strange gives Crazy Barbara group therapy. Gordon goes to Nygma for help, samples Ed's electric chair and escapes to the thieves' kitchen, shot a bit. Barbara is released from the Asylum as an experiment. Gordon tricks Nygma into revealing where he buried Miss Kringle, and he's busted.
   Penguin feeds his brother and sister to his step-mom! Cleared, Gordon decides that he has to solve the Wayne Murder before he rejoins the PD. Bruce Wayne goes home to investigate his father's computer. Nygma is dumped in the Asylum at the mercy of Dr. Strange. Barbara finds Gordon.

[Tuesday, 10th] Castle [21:00, Alibi] A bloke on hold is poisoned with tap water. But the guy comes back to life whilst the cops are there, to the dismay of the M.E. Castle thinks he's a modern-day Lazarus or a created super-hero like Spiderman. Well, he would. Lassiter is dismayed by the nutter Castle. Then he's killed again. Briefly. So Castle decides he's immortal.
   Lassister threatened to close down a biotech firm for polluting and the Mob was trying to kill him for objecting to their dumping toxic waste just anywhere. Castle makes a Triad connection. There's artificial heroin around, it's better than the real thing and it's manufactured in the USA. A woman Lassiter fancies turns out to be the BG. Castle gets him killed again; no, Lassiter survives being shot in the head and the deadly female is busted.
The Closer [22:00, Alibi] There was a dead guy at a funeral home and a wiseguy lawyer was spreading writs and dissent at the PD. The body was strangled. The cops busted two people cleaning up the crime scene: the dead guy's parents in law! The wife was part of the cover-up operation.
   The wife claimed the pastor committed suicide. No, said the pathologist. The pastor was dressed in female clothing when he was killed. Lots more covering up, then the disgusted son confessed to justifiable homicide. Then Brenda went to pieces over the wiseguy's efforts.

[Wednesday, 11th] Limitless [21:00, Sky 1] Brian Finch gets a new Fed for his team; Spike to go with Mike & Ike. Satellite data from Afghanistan needs to be absorbed and analyzed. A top female boffin is murdered; there's a mind-file of her on a computer. She was up to no good. Someone is selling mind-files; six valuable ones are missing.
   No, everyone relax, the files were bought on the black market with the government's approval, a company stooge tells Brian and his gang. But he's busted. And Spike, the spy, is outed and done in.

[Thursday, 12th] Elementary [21:00, Living] Watson was confronted by SH over withholding evidence about her mole in his dangerous dad's employ. He was outraged that she didn't consult him. SH told his dad about Emile. Captain Gregson found it hard to believe that SH's dad used triple murder instead of just sacking Emile. He and Det. Bell grilled a suspect for the diner shoot-up. The guy who hired him had alrready put out a hit.
   The captain got nothing from SH's dad but he wasn't behind the killings. He told SH about a dirty oil deal involving blackmail and a bomber. The woman responsible for the first murder was questioned. SH chucked Moriarty into the mix, so there must be more next week.
Lie To Me [22:00, Alibi] Jeff, back from Iraq, nearly killed his own kid? He had PTSD and he had to be re-traumatized using Dr. Foster's VR setup to reintegrate his memories. He had survivor guilt. Ronny, another vet, wasn't sleeping with Jeff's wife; yet. He lost an eye in Iraq. And his gun was missing.
   Jeff had the gun and he went to their captain's home to threaten him before he disappeared back to Iraq. Cal pulled a gun on Jeff for a while, then put it down. The captain was a war criminal who had covered up a friendly fire incident with an air strike, so once he was stitched up, Jeff was on the road to recovery.

[Friday, 13th] NCIS [Charade, 21:00, FX] Dinbozo dismayed a senator at a boozy do. Then the senator gave him $20K in a brown envelope. Then Dinbozo was found dead in a crashed car. Bummer. It was a fake. Crashed off the road with a bootful of cash. By an old Beemer or a Merc.
   The Senator had to co-operate with NCIS. The blackmailer was still at it and there were 3 bogus Dinbozos. The other 2 were busted at cash drops; actors hired by some woman. Abby got CCTV of her. Dinbozo had dated her. Getting her name got NCIS nowhere, but there was a cover-up to expose and the woman was busted.

[Saturday, 14th] IndyCar Grand Prix of Indianapolis [20:30, ESPN] was run on the road course rather than the oval used for the upcoming 500. 200 miles/82 laps from a rolling start to Kanaan crashing out Bourdais at turn 1, so a caution right away. Win Jer spun off on lap 6 and rejoined last. Pagenaud pitted from the lead on lap 22. A quicker stop put Kimball in the lead briefly.
   Montoya got a drive-through for a pit lane exit violation of the sort Pagenaud was allowed to get away with, so that was his 4th place gone. There was an unnecessary caution on lap 38 when Bourdais, who was doing tyre testing, got his car well off the track when it croaked. The road sweepers came out to hoover up marbles.
   Castroneves inherited the lead. Restart on lap 46. Daly got past Castro. Kimball nearly hit the wall when he got out of shape having a go at Hinchliffe. Pagenaud ran longer than the leaders before his last stop and he was leading by a mile when he came out of the pits. Pagenaud, Castroneves and Hinchcliffe at the finish, Montoya was 8th.

[Sunday, 15th] Spanish GP [12:30, Sky Sports F1] Hamilton on pole at last but Rosberg overtook him, then forced him onto the grass, causing an almighty crash at turn 4 of lap 1 and putting both of them out of the race. Ricciardo inherited the lead. Hulkenberg retired with a smoking engine. The race was between Ferraris and Red Bulls now. As it unwound, the commentators thought Ferrari had made a better job of their strategy. Wrong!
   Alonso parked up on lap 47/66. Ricciardo's ambitions of 3rd place were ruined by a puncture as he was hounding Vettel, but he was able to make a tyre stop and retain 4th. Verstappen and Raikkonen, who has stopped only twice, finished 1st & 2nd, and Verstappen became the youngest ever GP winner. Button was 9th and in the points.
Martian Land (2015) [19:10, Syfy] If you're looking for an appalling example of cliché-ridden eco-claptrap, look no further than this "mockbuster" for The Martian (2015)
   The Earth fought back against the plague of humanity on its surface, we are told, and humans went to Mars in space shuttles and started to terraform it whilst living in domes. Now, Mars is fighting back with dust storms. Dr. Foster is brought from Earth; a trip lasting several months; to tackle a killer storm which has suddenly erupted (which doesn't add up).
   He's trying to make Earth habitable again but his daughter, Ellie, is stuck in a dome threatened by a storm and she needs to be rescued. The terraforming is supposed to have made Olympus Mons active again (yeah, right) and the storm is volcanic ash particles. And by the way, we're invited to believe that an overdue eruption of the Yellowstone super-volcano was somehow Man's fault.
   The volcano on Mars has to be killed and Ellie and her girfriend are needed for the job. Ellie knows better than her dad, the expert, of course. The current husband of Foster's ex-wife conveniently gets himself killed so the family can be reunited at the end and a military lady tries to screw everything up. How bleedin' prethetic can you get? [clue: the film industry can get way more prethetic than this] Natch, Foster's plan succeeds and Mars is saved and everyone is pals again.

[Monday, 16th] Gothem [22:00, Channel 5] Barbara told Gordon she was released from the Asylum because she is now sane. He told her to get lost. Bruce Wayne was on the trail of what his dad was up to. Gordon kicked some ass for info on the Wayne murder. BW and Alfred questioned a girl with a claw about Pinewood Farm; a top-secret bio-engineering lab run by Wayne Industries without the boss's knowledge.
   Barbara insisted on helping Gordon. Clawgirl got everyone busted after she killed a guard at the defunct farm; one of the gang who had tortured her. Gordon, Alfred and BW busted her out of a police van but she was killed by Victor Friese, who was having a day out from the Asylum. Dr. Strange is "The Philosopher", who ran the farm. And he brought Galivant back to life at the Asylum.

[Tuesday, 17th] Castle [21:00, Alibi] A movie star messing up Hamlet is murdered. Zane has a mystery woman; Castle's mom! She's just his drama coach. Zane owed the IRS $50m but he had a plan. A Mexican cartel boss was involved. His mob grabbed Castle so the boss could ask him to write the script for his biopic. But the boss was busted.
   The brother of the drug guy was after his wife and trying to get rid of him. Surprise! Zane was done in by a woman scorned, who was done out of a decent acting job. She did him in as a favour to the world because he was a terrible Hamlet.
The Closer [22:00, Alibi] Captain Raider has referred Brenda to a shyster, who wants $25 grand as a deposit. Then there's a body in a wall's foundation. The corpse is another sex offender from nearby. There are hundreds of suspects. The contractor is dodgy and he didn't tell the city inspectors about the wall. So why did they have it dug up?
   Someone sent them an anonymous complaint. Brenda's FBI husband decides to pay the fee as Brenda has cancelled the newspapers, the landline phone and his cable TV channels. Brenda gets sneaky and spots the murder weapon. The killers had decided that they needed to kill the sex offender and prove he was dead to be able to sell their house.

[Wednesday, 18th] UEFA Europa League final in [19:45, BTSport Europe] Liverpool vs Sevilla in Basel was mainly white shirts in the opening minutes. Liverpool had the first shot at goal in the 8th minute, and another go 3 minutes later. The ref. missed/ignored a penalty against the Spanish side for clear hand-ball in the penalty area in the 12th minute. Some rain after 20 minutes.
   Liverpool got close after 25 minutes and lost a corner kick when a Sevilla player hand-balled the ball over the line after 32 minutes. Goal! In the net after 34 minutes by Sturridge.1-0. Another goal was disallowed 4 minutes later because Liverpool were a fortnight offside.
   Gameiro put Sevilla level 17 seconds into the second half and Liverpool went into hibernation. Nearly a lead for Sevilla after an hour. In the net 3 minutes later by Coke for 1-2. A 3rd goal was given to Coke despite blatant offside by Sevilla. 1-3 and Liverpool done.

[Thursday, 19th] Elementary [21:00, Living] SH was still hunting an unknown, incredibly powerful person. SH senior was visited by a killer thief; Det. Bell thought he might be too good to be found. Dad was hiding in Malaysia but SH found him. He was in danger from the organization once led by Ms Moriarty, who's currently in gaol.
   The killer burglar was Russian. SH had a suspect for his BG: a professor, who was expecting him. The Russian was nabbed. He felt fireproof. SH outsmarted him so the professor got a cop to kill the Russian then himself. The cop was a psychopath.
Lie To Me [22:00, Alibi] The police had a shot cop who was quadriplegic and dying. Cal had to help him to ID the shooter. There were 2 kids, who were working for someone. One did the shooting. The cops offered them a deal. Cal's ex was after cash again and Dr. Foster was selling the Institute's soul for cash.
   The cops had a bit of a siege then Cal found the guy's drug stash. The cop was shot on the way to a domestic. A little girl saw some cops moving a body out of her building. Cal got the shot cop to ID them. Then he helped the cop to say goodbye to his family before he croaked.
   The landlord of the building was dodgy. Worse, cops were running a rent scam there, and their Captain was embarrassed. The dirty cops busted Cal's daughter for drugs to intimidate him so he set the FBI on them.

[Friday, 20th] NCIS [Return To Sender, 21:00, FX] A family at a new house found a body in a shipping box; a guard who was taken prisoner in a gaol break. NCIS put SIS agent Jacob Scott in gaol, so they had an interest, but Agent Fornell of the FBI bagged the case. NCIS grabbed it back but the FBI was still riding shotgun.
   Another body before the ads; the woman was walled up and choked to death, said Ducky; but not murder if she went into the hiding place of her own accord. Abby said the dead guard was an accomplice. Director Vance was carjacked by Scott. He managed to push a panic button.
   Scott got away with an old classified file. Dinbozo got his apartment cheap because there was a triple murder committed there. Fornell kept getting rubbish dates online. Oh, no! Another body. To be continued . . .

[Saturday, 21st] FA Cup Final [17:30, BBC 1] Man. Utd. vs Crystal Palace. Man. U. had a few corners early on but Palace had them well contained. Definitely more going on in the Palace half. Stoopid effin ref! Palace had the ball in the net but the ref called it back for a free kick . . . for Palace.
   The Palace keeper had to make a good save in the 22nd minute. Two shots on goal by Palace 4 minutes later. Nearly for Man. U. in the 33rd minute. Another effing blunder in the 40th minute against Palace. The ref could give us a million alibis but he'd still be a twat.
   Palace had their left post rattled after 53 minutes and the right rattled after 61 minutes. Not much sign of anyone getting the ball in the net. Finally, in the 78th minute, Puncheon, a sub, got one for Palace that stuck. 1-1 thanks to Mata 3 minutes later, set up by the boy Wayne, who got a yellow card with 4 minutes to go to 90. No more scoring.
   Extra time. Nearly for Palace in the 12th minute. Smalling of Man. U. was sent off after 15 minutes for a 2nd yellow card for a rugby tackle. MU blew a chance; a header went wide. But Lingard, a sub, hammered one home in the 20th minute for a 2-1 win.

[Sunday, 22nd] MotoGP @ Mugello, Italy [09:30, BTSport 2] Fenati was on pole for 20 laps of Moto3. He was swamped to 5th by slipstreaming into lap 2; the fate of pretty well every leader. Pawi was up among the leaders. Darren Binder was the first crasher with 12 laps to go. Fenati's bike gave up on the next lap.
   Navarro was rammed off with 8 to go. Brad Binder led into the last lap. Pawi crashed out. Binder held on through the drag for the line for a win. Di Gianntonio was 2nd and Bagnaia 3rd.
Lowes had the pole for 21 laps of Moto 2. He lost the lead at the start but regained it. Luthi led for a while. There was a red flag for a crash on lap 5; an air bag needed to be replaced and inflated. Shambles getting out to the grid; some teams bogged up the 1-minute rule and Rins was among those who had to go to the back of the grid.
   Simeon fell off on the sighting lap, so the riders had to do another and have a 10 lap-race. Lowes went backwards. Zarco took the lead on lap 6. Lowes worked up to 4th. Baldini and Zarco swapped the lead, letting Luthi catch them. It was Zarco at the end, Lowes managed 3rd and Rins finished in the points at 7th from the back of the grid.
Rossi was on pole for MotoGP, 23 laps. Lorenzo went straight into the lead. Marquez was 3rd and Dovizioso 4th in the early stages. Rossi went out with 15 to go: engine blown, something which happened to Lorenzo during the warm-up. Iannone had a terrible start but he reached 4th and he was catching Dovi. Marquez was right behind Lorenzo with 9 to go.
   Iannone got past Dovi twice, then Dovi made a mistake which let Pedrosa take 4th. Pedrosa claimed 3rd on lap 21. Marquez got ahead of Lorenzo briefly, he went ahead on the last lap, lost the place, regained it, he was leading out of the last corner but Lorenzo's bike was fast enough to pip Marquez on the line.

[Monday, 23rd] Gotham [22:00, Channel 5] Gordon confronted Dr. Strange over his involvement with the Farm. Each did a lie detector routine on the other. Nygma was sure he would puzzle his way out of the Asylum. Galivant had amnesia so Strange told him he's the demon Azrael, gave him a sword and aimed him at Jim Gordon.
   Gordon told the Captain that Strange is making monsters out of dead people. The Captain called him a nutter and had Gordon locked up. Then Galivant turned up at the PD swinging his sword and a lot more cops were done in. The Captain ended up stabbed.
   Gordon shot Galivant off the roof, he fell onto a car, got up and TV cameras captured the former mayor returned from the dead in a weird outfit. His sister and Penguin both saw Galivant on TV. And Bruce Wayne and Alfred. Back at the Asylum, Nygma found the lift to Strange's menagerie.

[Tuesday, 24th] Castle offered another daft episode [21:00, Alibi] Alexis was visited by an escaped mental patient with an axe, but he croaked because someone had stabbed him earlier. He'd been locked up 20 years before for trying to kill a philanthropist and his family, most of whom were now dead. Gabriel got himself tattooed all over before being stabbed with a sulphur-coated claw.
   Castle was sure a demon had killed him. Gabriel wanted to get into an old safe in Castle's office. Hayley cracked it and Castle found crap about the anti-christ and the apocalypse. The sole survivor of the attacked family was harassed. The dead nutter's son tried to kill him but Castle got the crazy son crunched and binned. Then Castle decided that he'd been marked for death. He should be in a looney bin, too.
The Closer [22:00, Alibi] A detective from Phoenix wanted her daughter's death investigated. Sidona had been written off as a hooker who'd OD'd but her mother blamed the husband. Hollywood Division had to turn the case over to Brenda's outfit. The ME found one heroin injection site and no history of drug use. Det. Ortega didn't know her daughter was an escort. Brenda frightened the lady running the escort agency using the FBI.
   Brenda & Co. went after the husband and got into a fire-fight with BGs and found a lot of dope. Captain Raider blackmailed Brenda. Sidona was in line to inherit $30M from her biological father. Brenda went after her half-brother, who was tricked into admitting he had Sidona murdered. Then Raider told Brenda that she had a snitch in her division.

[Wednesday, 25th] Limitless [21:00, Sky One] Brian had to operate on Sands, who'd got himself stabbed with a big chunk of glass whilst murdering a former colleague. Then he had to help with the murder campaign. A diabetic kid called Henry, whose father was a diplomat, had been kidnapped. The Feds kept failing to contact Brian. Tanner, the spy guy Sands used to work for, was making Sands kill the rest of his former team.
   The diplomat's son was adopted. So he has to be Sands' kid and that's Tanner's leverage. Save the kid, and also team member Houston, became Brian's mission. The Feds arrived after the kid had been rescued. Brian got a smack in the eye to explain why he'd been unobtainable. Agent Jason got lucky with Brian's sister, Rachel. And Brian learnt that Sands had killed Agent Rebecca's father for the sinister Senator Morra.

[Thursday, 26th] Elementary [21:00, Living] Someone is recruiting psychopaths. SH gets a bomb like the one that blew up his dad's office but disarms it. There was a spy across the street. Someone is trying to get Moriarty to kill Prof. Vikner. The spy turns up in hospital; he works for SH's dad, he's not the bomber. The bomber bashed him. SH follows the trail to his Dad, who's standing over the bomber's body.
   There's an Iranian lady, Ms Hashemi, in the game. SH wants to be her ally. She thinks his idea of rolling up her world-wide crime network is plain daft. She wanted SH's dad to lead the group! SH decides to frame Prof. Vikner for murder with FBI help. Vikner vanishes, tipped off by his FBI insider.
   SH's dad also disappears. He has sacked his security team and disposed of his property in New York. Vikner is found dead. Dad tells SH he has become the head of the crime syndicate but he's made New York a safe haven for Holmes and Watson whilst he tries to dismantle the syndicate from the inside.
Lie To Me [22:00, Alibi] Burglary with murder. 3 months later, Cal's daughter is learning how to crash his car. Ria gets a distress call from her incarcerated sister, Ava, whose pal Marly has run away. No, she'd found murdered and pregnant. A Maurice is busted and the cops don't want to hear Cal's opinion that he's innocent. Cal strolls off with Ava and parks her with Foster.
   Foster and Ava are attacked for a bauble, which Marly gave to Ava. Ava runs away. Foster spots one of the inmates as an attacker; Amber is part of a crew doing burglaries for early release. The bauble was stolen on the night of the murder and Marly was using it as leverage.
   Cal decides that the quiet Dax is in charge of the burglary crew and threatening the Deputy Director's family to make her co-operate. No, the DD is the BG and she killed the blackmailing Marley. Cal's daughter passes her driving test but he won't let her crash his car again.

[Friday, 27th] NCIS [21:00, FX] A home invasion; the perp, who got away, was wounded by a kid, Henry, using his Marine dad's gun. The perp was an ex-con. Director Vance and Agent Fornell went to London to play spies surrounded by cliches. Abby found that Henry took the gun out of the safe 2 days before the invasion. The kid saw the BG commit a murder earlier. He had to help catch the killer.
   Finding the body was a problem; the crime-scene had been cleaned up thoroughly. Then the dead guy was on TV. Woods was a drug dealer, like Doyle, the killer. Who was found dead. Henry did a runner for a while.
   Vance and Fornell found their retired MI6 lady; BGs shot up her rural retreat. Jacob Scott was in England. Doyle was shot by a dirty cop! Henry's mom got to meet the First Lady and his dad came home. Finally, the MI6 lady and Fornell were blasted at Gibbs' place. Continua . . .

[Saturday, 28th] Unforgettable [19:00, Living] Tourists spotted a member of New York's floating population. Carrie remembered that the kid was a misper. Sam was a serial dropout, who did loud arguments with his father, who was harrassed. Sam was a druggie and involved with a gang of dropouts on an island in the Hudson.
   The cops visited the island to find a gang of eco-squatters there with an extensive garden. Most of them were ex-druggies and there was a killer virus missing. Sam had it! But Carrie managed to save the kids from themselves.

[Sunday, 29th] Monaco GP [12:30, Sky Sports F1] Brilliant sunshine in England, rain pissing down in Monte Carlo, so the 78 lap race started behind the safety car for the first time ever here, with Ricciardo on pole for the first time ever. The SC came in at the end of lap 7. Palmer went into the barriers for a VSC on lap 8; a zebra crossing spat him into the wall. Raikkonen ended up with his front wing under his car and crashed Grosjean because he couldn't steer.
   Vettel went in for inters from 4th on lap 14. Ricciardo built up a 13 second lead over Rosberg, who had brake problems and was backing Hamilton up; until Hamilton got past on lap 16. Magnussen and Kvyat crashed each other out. Ricciardo went in for inters, Hamilton stayed out until he could swap full wets for supersofts and let Ricciardo catch him.
   Ricciardo arrived in the pits for a set of softs and found no tyres ready, which gifted the lead to Hamilton. Verstappen crashed on lap 35, VSC. Ricciardo had better tyres than Hamilton, according to the commentators. Nassr refused to let team mate Ericsson past and they crashed. VSC.
   On lap 61, there was a warning of maybe rain at about lap 70. Hamilton managed to gap Ricciardo, despite his allegedly inferior tyres. Some more rain started on lap 77 but it was too late to prevent Hamilton from winning from 3rd place. Ricciardo 2nd, Perez 3rd with rain pelting down. Alonso 5th, Button 9th, so both McLarens in the points.
Indianapolis 500, race #100 [15:30, BT Sport 1] Watching the build-up I couldn't help but see a touch of the Third Reich in all the militarism and flag-waving at what is supposed to be a sporting event. Yes, it was Memorial Day, but even so, if the pictures had been in black and white, we could have been back in 1936 rather than 80 years on . . .
   No crashes on lap 1 and RHR into the lead, swapping it with Hinchcliffe. All very civilized in the opening laps. The caution came on lap 47/200 for debris. Win Jer was sent to the back of the pack for causing a pit lane collision. Montoya had a big solo crash on lap 64; bits everywhere. Big dash for the pits. Pagenaud was sent to the back for causing a pit lane collision.
   Karam crashed on lap 94. Alyoshin hit the wall and Daly spun behind him for the next caution. An unusual caution on lap 150: Lazier came off pit road and lost a wheel. Sato went into the wall. Castroneves needed a new rear wing after being tagged from behind by Hildebrand, who inherited the lead.
   Another caution was needed to spin out fuel loads to the end. Kanaan was in the lead with 24 to go. Newgarden zoomed past him but he was short of fuel. Muñoz took over the lead, but he was short of fuel, too. Rossi, who'd stretched his fuel in the pack took over the lead with 3 laps to go.
   Rossi was leading by half a lap from Muñoz and Newgarden at the white flag. He was much slower than them but he got across the line before he ran out of fuel and had to be towed to Victory Lane. He became the first rookie to win since 2001.
RoboCop (2014 remake) Remakes are usually rubbish and generally leave the audience asking why they bothered when there was a perfectly good version available already. This remake is the equivalent of the original, as far as the story goes; the cops are dirty, corporate greed rules and the politicians are crooked. It's almost like another director's take on the original script. But the humour circuit has been disengaged. Still, a whole lot better than I was expecting and not a couple of hours wasted.
   America is policing the world and its drones are shown off in Tehran, where there are explosive terrorists. A TV agitator, Novak, wants the robots to be used to police American cities. Det. Jack Lewis, Det. Alex Murphy's partner, is put in hospital by an undercover job thanks to dirty cops. Americans won't accept machines without feelings to OmniCorp decides to put a man in a machine. Murphy is blown up and his wife lets OmniCorp use him.
   Three months later, Murphy wakes up in a mechanical body; in China. He learns that Detroit PD is letting the BG who had him blown up get away with it. A man in a machine ain't good enough, OmniCorp's boss decides, so Dr. Dennett has to mess with Murphy's brain and paint his body black. The $2.6 Billion Man is now a machine that thinks it's Alex Murphy.
   The mayor shows Murphy off with his emotions suppressed. His wife spots there's something wrong right away. Murphy makes an arrest within seconds of being unveiled and starts cleaning up Detroit. Then he undoes the changes to his brain spontaneously and starts working on his own case.
   He cleans up some dirty cops. OmniCorps switches him off as he's confronting the dirtiest cop. Clara Murphy starts rocking the boat. OmniCorp tells her Alex is dead. Murphy shoots up the OmniCorp building. Sellers, the corporate boss, ain't bulletproof. Dr. Bennet fixes up Murphy's bullet-riddled carcase. And Mr. Novak, the TV guy, is outraged that RoboCop won't be used on American streets.

[Bonk Holiday Monday, 30th] Gotham [22:00, Channel 5] The cops raid the Asylum but Dr. Strange has shredded his files. Azrael invades a church, looking for weapons, and slays the priest. Penguin goes after Galivant/Azrael. So do Harve & the cops, Gordon and Bruce Wayne. Tabitha tells Gordon that her brother now thinks he's Azrael. She takes Gordon & Harve to the family crypt and they fish a sword out of a tomb.
   Azrael grabs the sword and kills Tabitha. Bruce is his next target. But Penguin blows him to bitz with an RPG. Selena breaks into the Asylum and finds that Strange is moving his creations. Nygma fails to escape. At the end, Selina runs into her pal, who's now Firefly.

[Tuesday, 31st] Castle finale [series 8/22, 21:00, Alibi] Caleb is put in the boot of a car, which is set on fire by the right-hand man of LokSat, the CIA bad guy. The cops are kept out of the loop of the LokSat crap. Castle, Beckett and Hayley go to watch a data drop and end up in an ambush. Mason, the head of the Detective Society, extracts C&B. Castle's step-mother, Rita, sent him, he said.
   The cops insisted on joining in. Caleb left evidence to ID his killer. There was no one home for a police raid; it was a trick. Castle was grabbed by the right-hand man. Mason joined in again. Surprise!! He's LokSat. The cops raided a CIA building and rescued Castle. He went to rescue Beckett and gave her the chance to take out Marcus. Wow! Castle & Beckett both shot when they get home?? But 7 years later, they had a house full of kids.
The Closer [series 7/8, 22:00, Alibi] Brenda went to gaol; an inmate had claimed to know about a murder; "it's about to happen tomorrow". The guy offered a drug cartel banker's case number. Chief Pope told Brenda to hand the case off to L.A. Country. Like that was going to happen. Captain Raider helped Brenda to have an excuse to keep the case. Ray, the snitch, was murdered messily in gaol.
   The cartel hit was on, the prosecutor refused to delay her case. Surprise, Ms Hobbs was the target of a drive-by shooting, unsuccessful. Cue a wild chase. The banker's lawyer was trying to get him killed because he'd used the banker to steal lots of cartel cash. The FBI grabbed the banker and Brenda outsmarted the lawyer.