[Monday, 01st] The Pro Bowl [00:00, Sky Sports 1] It has degenerated into a spot of jolly fun but very little to do with what the NFL is about. No danger of anyone actually getting stuck in and playing any more. Maybe they just just keep the holiday in Hawaii for those who have done best during the season and forget about the American Crunch match at the end.
King Penguin takes over as the crime boss in Gotham [22:00, Channel 5] Captain "chair-breaker" Barnes takes over at the PD and sacks a gang of crooks right away. Do your job or he will bust you, is the message. Gordon is made his second-in-command. Penguin refuses to be Mr. Galivant's man; until he learns that his mom is a prisoner.
   Barnes creates a Strike Force and Galivant stands for mayor after telling Penguin to kill his rivals. Mr. Nigma does okay on his date. Gordon warns Penguin that the PD will get him if there's proof he's behind the election murders. Penguin tries to blackmail him. The new captain makes Penguin his No. 1 target.

[Tuesday, 02nd] A woman in a parking structure is followed into a lift by a masked killer to start Castle [21:00, Alibi] She's not killed, she doesn't want to talk to the cops and she has hyperosmia, so the whole world stinks. The dead guy had a secret compartment in his car; he was delivering a stolen painting. Sgt Esposito, newly promoted, spotted a suspect. Castle forced the smell lady to be a Beckett substitute.
   The smell lady said the suspect, Freddy, wasn't the killer. He said he was in the garage to steal the painting back for the dead guy's client. Det. Ryan, not promoted, shot Esposito in the ass whilst letting a Liam get away. Castle and his new partner trapped Liam in the boot of his own car.
   The smell lady found that the recovered painting was a recent fake. So the killer still had the real van Gogh. The killer turned up at Castle's apartment and Castle broke the smell lady's nose. But the killer was nailed by his DNA; the brother of the dead guy; he thought the van Gogh was his. At the end, Beckett zapped off again.
Over to Sky Arts for some Coldplay. What do they sound like? Well, like a Velvet Underground tribute band at one point, when they seemed to be trying to do White Light/White Heat. But it was mostly rather bland sing-along stuff. And the fans have to wear wrist bands!! Like a bunch of migrants!!

[Wednesday, 03rd] Midsomer Murders [A Dying Art, 20:00, ITV 1] Lance the sculptor was the star turn at the opening of the sculpture park; with the obligatory body of Brandon, the instigator. A whole gang of villagers, led by the thuggish Bryn, were against the park. Brandon's son wanted to sell off the park. Arthur arrived to comfort the widow.
   Brandon wanted to close his daughter's climbing centre. Ructions over a will-change in favour of the estate manager. Bash! He was clobbered and turned into an exhibit. Bryn had made a threatening phone call to him. Lance's sculpture was vandalized; Simeon, a local artist, got a tug.
   Lance had a drawing of the layout of the 2nd murder. He was bashed and put in a sculpture. Barnaby realized that another artist had created the death scenes in Lance's portfolio. Lance stole Helena's ideas, so everyone involved had to die.

[Thursday, 04th] Death In Paradise [21:00, BBC 1] Aunt Mary visited the DI, and found the body of a guy who had just arrived at her hotel. Chucked off his balcony. Auntie made a new friend; the Commissioner; who had nothing better to do that be a tourist guide. Mr. Jenkins, a violent criminal from the UK, was at dead Mr. Green's hotel.
   Someone burgled Mr. Green's room and put the DI in hospital. Auntie was losing her marbles. Green had existed for only 5 years. He was a criminal accountant who had ratted on his customers and turned Queen's Evidence. And stashed half a million quid on the island?
   As usual, the DI turned the case on its head and had a grand unveiling of guilt.Surprise! Freddy, the hotel porter dunnit. Surprise! There never was any half-million quid in cash. No, but the DI did find rather a lot of diamonds.
Elementary [22:00, Living+1] SH accused Watson of shagging Det. Bell when she was helping Bell to study for a sergeant's exam. A woman was killed in her car and the murder was recorded by her phone. Ellen was pregnant despite having her tubes tied, her infertile husband didn't know about her affair and she was planning to keep the baby.
   Ellen was the daughter of a gaoled 16-time serial killer, whom she'd been about to visit. Watson spotted the father of the baby; a real estate guy. He was attacked and put in hospital. His mother was one of the serial killer's victims. He wanted to use Ellen to visit her father in gaol to tell him what a rotten person he is.
   Ellen's husband was busted for the assault. SH worked out that her brother had killed Ellen. The sterilized brother had adopted children and he'd killed his sister to avoid passing on tainted DNA to another generation. SH arranged for Bell to catch a fugitive so that the bounty could go to Bell's mother, who needed cash because she'd been fired.

[Friday, 05th] NCIS [Lockdown, 21:00, FX] A woman on her phone shunted a car. The driver legged it because he had a body in the boot: a navy reserve captain. He was smuggling botulinum toxin in his colon. Abby conferred with Janice, a drug expert, in her basement. Then the place went into lockdown due to an ebola containment protocol being triggered falsely. And someone shot the place up a bit.
   Gibbs visited a nest of plastic surgery junkies. False alarm. The guys robbing the drug lab needed to kill Abby because she was NCIS. Having overheard this, she wasn't impress when they threatened to kill her if she didn't unlock the server. Instead, she went on the offensive and gassed everyone, and the BGs were busted.
   Gibbs told Abby that he was confident that she would do the right thing. And she decided she was staying in her own basement.

[Saturiday, 06th] Midsomer Murders [Dark Secrets, 18:00, ITV 3] Ancient reckless driving led to a double drowning in the river. Dawkins, the local busy0body, was chucked in the local duck pond by a colony of artists. Later on, he was pulled out of the river, bashed. Not a canoe accident, said the pathologist. Barnaby went to harass the local eccentrics, the Binghams, who lost a son and daughter in the drowning. Selena, their much younger sister, ran a racing stable.
   Sgt Jones, a local, was bursting with sources of gossip. Verity, Selena's daughter, wanted to marry Ben, Selena's employee and lover. Barnaby discovered that Jennifer Bingham's body was never found. Old Mrs. Bingham was demolished when a mile-high stack of newspapers fell on her. The Binghams' family doctor croaked to avoid a grilling by Barnaby.
   He spotted Jennifer; a leading light in the artists' colony and Ben's mother. Robin, Jennifer's brother, was the father, which was why their parents had banished them from the family home. Selena's husband and his lawyer had been stealing from the business. Old man Bingham built himself a bit of a bomb thingie but Jones sabotaged it before he could blow himself up as punishment for his murders.
Midsomer Murders [Echoes of the Dead, 18:00, ITV 3] A woman got up like a bride was found in a bath; strangled first. Diane shared a house with Jo and they had a dodgy, peeping tom landlord. The ex-boyfriend was a no-go. The area was all retired donkeys and steam trains. The pub was run by an ex-cop who hated DS Jones.
   Barnaby went back to the 1912 Brides In The Bath case. Another strangled bride was found dismembered in a basket; same flowers as at the first crime scene and a recreation of the Brighton station trunk murder. Fran nearly had a civil partnership.
   A double murder next. Jo was attacked at home by the freaky killer but the cops arrived in the nick of time. The nutter had a thing about marriage and he was a god-botherer. His fiancée had dumped him a year earlier [Wise move! Ed.] and married someone else.

[Sunday, 07th] Super Bowl 50 [20:00, Sky sports 3] Radio Gaga did the anthem with another lady waving her arms to do signs. Meanwhile, all the poor players were standing there, hands on their wallets, looking bored. The Panthers won the toss and decided to kick off. Omaha! 18 yards on the first play. A solid Denver drive stalled in the red zone, FG, 0-3.
   After an exchange of punts, the Panthers were swindled out of a good pass by a blind ref despite a challenge. Newton lost the ball when sacked, recovered by the Broncos in the CP end zone by Jackson for a TD. 0-10. The Panthers looked like they'd been sacked to a punt but a penalty on the Broncos gave them a first down. Which just postponed a punt. The Broncos went 3 & out on a sack.
   In Q2, the Panthers reached the DB red zone, they advanced to the half-yard line after penalty for a dirty foul. Stewart launched himself over the pile for a TD. 7-10. Talib was in line for the Most Heinous Player award. Would the dozy ref fail to spot a CP sack on the first play after the restart? Amazingly, no. An exchange of punts.
   The Broncos almost returned the CP punt for a TD when their guys thought the punt return guy had called for a fair catch. He sprinted 61 yards to the CP 14. FG. 7-13. The Panthers fumbled the ball away in Denver territory. Anderson went 34 yards to the CP 25. Manning was picked off by 94 but the Panthers went 3 & out. At the end of the half, the decision had to be that the Denver defence had won it.
   The half-time show was meh.
   In Q3, Ginn took a pass 45 yards but a longish FG try by the CP hit the upright. The Broncos extended their lead with a FG. 7-16. Brown caught a 42 yard pass against 2 defenders and went off injured. Newton was picked off, the Broncos fumbled but got the ball back again. Sacks and punts.
   In Q4, the Panthers recovered a forced fumble by Manning at midfield, the Broncos got away with pass interference, FG, 10-16. Punt, punt, punt. The ball was stripped from Newton by Miller and recovered by Ward at the CP 4. Game over with 4 minutes left. The Broncos scored a TD a minute later and added 2 points for 10-24. Game really over.
   It was a sterling performance by the Denver defence. They won the match, reducing the offence to the "also playing were" category. So that's Peyton off into the sunset at 2-all in Super Bowl wins with his brother, and hoping for more lacklustre seasons for the Giants until Eli also retires. Miller was the MVP.

[Monday, 08th] Gotham [22:00, Channel 5] Mr. Galivant threatened the Wayne Industries garbageman, who does the dirty jobs, and his crazy sister tortured the guy a bit. The cops busted all of Penguin's dough. Galivant failed to get an endorsement for mayor from Gordon. Butch, who shot Lady Fish, had a job for her gang: mega-arson of Wayne properties for Galivant.
   The cops busted the city's big weapons warehouse. 5 arson jobs in one night and Penguin learnt some Wayne history; they wiped out another posh family, which had to change its name to . . . Galivant!
   The cops staked out the next arson target. Brigit, the teenage firebug, killed a cop with her flame-thrower but escaped. Galivant bought Gordon's endorsement with a promise of resources. Galivant intends to kill the Wayne boy.

[Tuesday, 09th] Castle [21:00, Alibi] Beckett seems to have gone off to have a baby or into rehab, or something. Anyway, she's not in it.
   Castle's mom was writing a book and using his agent. A scumbag dirty cop from Castle's past beguiled him again. There was a dead Victor Lee with a knife in his face: Det. Slaughter's C.I. There was a missing microchip and the cops thought Slaughter killed Lee.
   Slaughter & Castle went to create some havoc. Slaughter was suspected of having sticky fingers. He was busted but he & Castle escaped in the squad car. Castle & Slaughter sang some BGs into submission until the cops arrived mob-handed. The BGs didn't kill Victor.
   The guy whose firm lost the chips had a big chunk of off-shore cash stolen. The cops eventually bagged the sacked accountant, who had set up the account.

[Wednesday, 10th] Midsomer Murders [Saints and Sinners, 20:00, ITV 1] A dig found a saint's remains at a village which was hostile to the archaeologists because the local vicar already had a bogus set of remains on show to make money for his church; his brother is behind the dig. There was also supposed to be buried treasure in the area, so nighthawk detectorists were there, too.
   The lady archaeologist was done in and a pissant underling tried to take over the project, so lots of tension at the dig site. And the killer struck again. What was Alex doing in the graveyard? Someone went mad in a digger. The vicar stole his brother's research and burnt it. The brother was killed.
   There was a bogus Dexter; who was a nighthawk, not an archaeologist. Surprise! The case was all about the stash of loot. Dr. Henderson was the killer! She was a descendant of the saint's family and the rightful heir to the loot!
The last series of Mythbusters [22:00, Discovery+1] It's a vacuum special: if a 67-foot railway tanker car is steam cleaned then caught in a downpour of rain, could it implode? A&J started with small cans and worked up to 55 gallon drums, achieving sudden crunches when steam condensed and the internal pressure dropped. Jamie built a scale model of the railway tanker from 55 gallon drums and simulated steam cleaning to 200 deg.F. Scrunch! after 11 minutes.
   A full-size tanker was heated to 200 deg.F with steam then sprayed with a fire hose. The internal pressure reached -27 inches/Hg but no implosion. So A&J decided to try again with a much older tanker, hoping it was corroded, and a big-ass vacuum system.
   No implosion, so they dropped a 3,200 lb block of concrete onto the tanker to put a big dent in it. Scrunch! at 23 inches/Hg. But the myth, as stated, was Busted.

[Thursday, 11th] Death In Paradise [21:00, BBC 1] A posh new restaurant opened so the chef got a knife in his chest. Not a break in, the DI decided. Gary, brother of dead Robert, showed up so the DI tried to fit him up. Duane's blind snout shopped a kid who had the dead chef's phone.
   One of the staff, married, was being blackmailed for being a homosexualist. Robert had made everyone an enemy. The DI held a grand revelation session, as usual, and he decided that Robert was killed 12 hours before his body was found and that Gary impersonated him in a monumental conspiracy.
Elementary [22:00, Living+1] SH's dad wanted to take Watson to a restaurant opening. There was a drive-by at a club and some Russians were done in. The hit men lost control of their car and crashed. The target was a Putin kleptocrat oligarch. He was threatening the port of New York with a new project? Did the dock union buy a hit from the Mafia? No, the union boss was making big bucks as a "consultant".
   SH questioned a lap dancer spy. A Russian diplomat came up with a silly story about the Ukrainian government sabotaging peace talks with Russia. SH's dad was storing his one blood, he told Watson at the restaurant.
   SH asked Dad about arms dealers making cash out of the Ukraine/Russia war, and SH came up with a rocket-engine connection; an American rival to the ones built by Russia for launching satellites; for the murders. Watson deduced that someone had tried to kill Holmes senior.
Lie To Me [23:00, Alibi+1] At a book signing, a girl told Dr. Cal that she'd seen a murder in a psychic vision but the cops wouldn't believe her. Cal's ex-wife had a new job in Chicago. Cal handed off vetting a candidate for the Supreme Court to his 24-year-old girl assistant, which upset the judge mightily; and the Feds.
   Tricia did a runner. There was blood at the murder scene but no body. Tricia had multiple personalities including Jesse, a hooker, Sophie, the base personality and R.J., a male personality. And a brother, Gavin. Sophie was abused by her grandfather. Gavin had a wallet belonging to a Kyle; one of Jesse's punters.
   Dr. Foster decided that R.J. was a protector, who emerged in violent situations. The cops found a body; Amber. R.J. couldn't talk but Dr. Cal got him to tell Tricia who killed Amber, another hooker. The judge got the okay from Cal, backing up his assistant's view. Sophie helped to entrap the killer, and Dr. Cal bribed his ex into not moving to Chicago with their daughter.

[Friday, 12th] NCIS [Viral, 21:00, FX] A guy sitting on a bench near a children's playground was shot. There was poisoned oak where the Tristate Killer left one of his cards. Abby said the dead guy was killed by a copycat. Ex-P.O. Myers put hidden camera shots of 2 female officers on the internet and one, Ashley, had just killed herself. Bishop's husband was at an hotel in Dubai, which was blown up by Arabists.
   His other victim slugged Myers after he went to Ashley's funeral. Dinbozo had poisoned oak big time; he shook the killer's hand. Myers took the fall for the guy who really planted the camera and Ashley's death made him ready to spill beanz. So he had to go.
   Jake was still alive. Duckie decided that the real photographer resented the 2 female officers on his ship. Bishop spotted the scumbag and his captain tricked a confession out of him.

[Saturday, 13th] Midsomer Murders [The Oblong Murders, 20:00, ITV 3] An old bloke invites someone up to his flat and he's stabbed with a dirty big knife. John Barnaby is called to a body in a river; just a dummy. The ME asks him to look into the case of Lucy, who disappeared from the posh premises of the Oblong Foundation, a cult. The big house once belonged to a property developer, Lambert, who was killed with his wife by an explosion on their boat. The daughter, Ruth, lives there now.
   DS Jones is sent in undercover, replacing a private eye, who fell out with Lucy's parent, who was planning to go in U/C under the name of Jones!! Jones does some nocturnal snooping with a U/C journalist lady and gets lucky with Ruth. The cult leader has an imposter-exposing session.
   Freddie, the lady who managed the accounts, is found murdered. Lucy turns up alive. She'd had a row with Freddie, who had been stealing thousands from the cult's profits. Freddie had been involved in an inheritance tax swindle with Ruth's parents. And there was an IOU for a secret loan missing from her safe.
   The guy stabbed at the start did the loan's paperwork; killed on the night of the boat murders. Claire, the pub landlady, borrowed from the tax-dodge fund but the Lamberts wanted their cash back. A bank offered her a loan then called it off. So the boat had to go up in smoke and the fixer had to be done in. Claire's lazy husband ruins her plan to go out with a bang.

[Sunday, 14th] Leicester City vs Arsenal [12:00, Sky Sports 1] It was mainly Arsenal at the start, then Leicester found a bit of offence. Both keepers had to make a good save in the first half. Arsenal actually got the ball in the Leicester net; but offside.
   Sensation! A penalty for Leicester in the 44th minute; one which would never been given if there had been instant replay. The player ran into the defender and fell over, he wasn't fouled. But Vardy booted the ball past the Arsenal keeper. 0-1.
   Arsenal started the second half like the first. They got away with a trip in their penalty area in the 50th minute; a guilty ref? Simpson got himself sent off in the 54th minute for a second yellow card in a matter of minutes and Leicester were down to 10 men. Stoopid!
   Vardy went out on solo assaults as Leicester held on to their lead. But Arsenal got level in the 70th minute via a goal by Walcott. They had a near miss in the 85th minute. A big save by the Leicester keeper in the 87th minute. 4 minuted added on.
   The Arsenal winner came from a free kick in the 95th minute, a header by Welbeck. It was a stoopid free kick to give away, especially in the last minute of the match, and typical of the performance of certain of the Leicester players. Not a match which Arsenal won, rather one which Leicester lost 2-1.
Liverpool @ Aston Villa [14:00, Sky Sports 1] It was 0-2 for the visitors at half time, then the gloves came off. 0-6 at full time! Liverpool's biggest ever win here, and the Villa fans were streaming away 20 minutes before the end of the second half. It's unusual for a team floating in the middle of the table to score more than a fistful of goals, even against opposition as bad as Villa. Liverpool must feel like Germany after they stuck 7 past Brazil in the last world cup.
Tottenham @ Man. City [16:00, Sky Sports 1] Someone had superglued the ref's yellow card into his pocket, which explained why it took him nearly 45 minutes to wrench it free. Both sides had a go in the first half but neither goal looked in particular danger. That penalty after 57 minutes should never have been given to Spurs, but 0-1. About time! An equalizer for City in the 74th minute. 1-1. Spurs were back ahead with 8 minutes to go after being under siege. 1-2 and that was it.

[Monday, 15th] Gotham [22:00, Channel 5] Butch, minus a paw, got a job from Mr. Gallivant. The cop-killing firebug, Brigit, teamed up with Bruce Wayne's criminal pal Selina to rob a club for get-out-of-town cash. Gordon got a ticking off from the boss for rampaging. The firebug was grabbed by her bad-guy, control-freak brothers at the bus station under Gordon's nose.
   Butch was undercover, looking for Penguin's mother. Selina set fire to the Pike brothers and Brigit escaped. Gordon wanted to know why Wayne Enterprises was being targetted for arson attacks. Butch was rumbled. Brigit freed some female slaves then went up in flames herself when she attacked the police.
   A Wayne Enterprises executive was missing, Gallivant told Bruce Wayne when trying to pal up to him. Mr. Nigma told his girlfriend that he stalked her and killed her violent ex! And showed her his police shield to prove it. One totally freaked out then dead(?) girlfriend. Brigit, however, ain't quite dead in hospital.

[Tuesday, 16th] It's Not Rocket Science [20:00, ITV 1] Can a sprinter cover 100 metres faster than a Red Arrows' jet from a standing start? Nope. Will the Fountain of Life prevent the lady presenter from being toasted by the Curtain of Fire? Natch. Next, a rugby gumshield with LEDs to show when a player has been it too hard. Followed by a trip to the school of the future.
   Can a car be controlled by brainwaves? Well, enough to crunch the obstacles gleefully. Finally, fun with liquid nitrogen. Essentially, a lightweight science prog, which covers ground already staked out by the Discovery channel. But diverting, none the less.
Castle [21:00, Alibi] Dets. Ryan & Esposito saw a shrink, who thought they should split up over the ass-shooting. But they recruited Castle as a referee. One dead, much-stabbed, unemployed actor. His pal Anton was suspected but Scott and Anton were a pick-up team, who specialized in seducing trophy wives so that they could be divorced cheaply.
   Beckett and a lady cop went U/C at a spa but they were rumbled. But their suspect didn't do it. Castle did some bad U/C on the divorce lawyer. Luckily, his daughter was much better at it. Was Scott killed by the lily-white, much-divorced Keller? No, he had an alibi.
   Esposito busted the lawyer for the killing and Ryan was shot saving Espo when the lady pulled a gun. But she was nailed, the detectives became pals again and Castle & Beckett had a wedding anniversary before she split again.

[Wednesday, 17th] Midsomer Murders [Harvest of Souls, 20:00, (TV 1] fell back on the old device of tension between the land-owners running a stables and the scoundrels with a travelling Fayre for the last episode of the current run. Cue the murder of Harry, who'd just been given control of the family business, in the stables. Barnaby made a nuisance of himself at the fayre. Harry was drugged with ketamine.
   There was an ex-wife, who had won a restraining order with her efforts to grab the daughter, Amy. Butch, at the fayre, was up to something. DS Nelson found a gun at the fayre and there was some routine Romeo & Juliet stuff. The stables was done over by horse thieves and other owners started removing their animals.
   The local vet's drug cupboard was emptied. Sgt. Nelson connected the travelling fayre to other horse rustling episodes. The pub landlady hadn't told her husband about doing a deal with Harry to get rid of the failing pub. The vet was done in next. Most of the horses were found.
   The wall of death geezer at the fayre was done in. He helped to steal the horses. Amy was snatched. Ancient infidelity was tossed into the mix. Butch and posh Serena had had a child, which had been given up for adoption. Their son, the pub's landlord, had produced a daughter, who'd died for want of a kidney transplant. And so he'd tracked down his birth parents and killed their offspring. All very hissy, really.
Mythbusters [22:00, Discovery] Viral cookery videos: the shrimp canon. Can shrimps fired through a cloud of flour, a shower of egg-wash and a cloud of breadcrumbs, then exposed to a fireball, hit a padded target and drop onto a plate coated and cooked?
   Can fruit be juiced with explosives so that the outside skin remains intact but the inside is liquidized? A&J tried letting off a blasting cap in an armoured box filled with water. Surprise! The box held together. So they suspended a tomato according to the video, and it seemed to work okay! Juice with an intact skin!
   Just shrimp in the cannon created shrimp-nel, so Jamie gave them a sabot. Our heroes got shrimp to pass through the coating system and the fireball, hit the buffer and drop onto the plate, but they spent milliseconds at each stage, nowhere near enough for proper coating and cooking.
   An explosion gave 30% juice production; half the amount provided by an industrial juicer. Is bigger better? A&J went from a blasting cap in a tank to 20 lbs of TNT in a lake with bags of fruit spaced from 2 feet away to 40 feet away. Only stuff 15 feet or more away wasn't scattered and none of it was juiced. But Myth Plausible on the video scale.
   A coated shrimp fired through a forge at 2,100 deg.F emerged still at room temperature and raw. The same with one fired through 12 feet of furnaces. Myth busted.

[Thursday, 18th] Trouble In Paradise [21:00, BBC 1] Tosh the treasure hunter finds a big stash of silver. Newton, a rival, get violent. Tosh makes a phone call saying Newton stabbed him at a time when Newton is in Catherine's bar! Tosh almost got divorced from his wife, but she was going to hospital, not having an affair. Newton looks incredibly guilty, so you can be sure the DI will never frame him. J.P. has a stag do.
   The Commish tries to blag the silver. Jimmy the fence shops Tosh's island helper, who was stealing coins. Having failed to frame any of Tosh's family, the DI has another go at Newton, who confesses. But that's not complicated enough, so the DI cooks up an affair between Tosh's son and his step-mother. Won't stick in court, of course.
Elementary [22:00, Living+1] His dad has upset SH by not telling him about an assassination near miss because it had endangered SH and Watson. SH decides to investigate, ignoring his dad's wishes. A lookout for a burglary sees a murder; of Hicks, a recruiter for Four Bridges University. The university uses the inmates of a half-way house for profit in a student loan scam. Hicks is not connected to a string of burglaries of customers at a nearby Russian Orthodox church, Watson decides.
   Lily, the lady at the half-way house, is murdered on the orders of the university boss to shut her up. SH realizes that his dad suspected him of being behind the murder attempt. Victor, the ex-con who was at the half-way house, confesses to both murders but Det. Bell finds that he has a solid alibi. Our heroes come up with a crime wave caused by the college boss, so she's busted.
Lie To Me [23:00, Alibi+1] A student is busted for statutory rape of a girl, Susan, at a frat house with a fake ID. The IRS wants Dr. Foster to investigate a cult which is claiming that the 30-odd houses in its compound are all churches. Cal finds that his young daughter has a fake ID – and birth-control pills, thanks to his ex-wife. The cult leader thinks he's a messiah and all his women have to be his concubines. The DA gets cuter with his charges because he hates the student's lawyer.
   Foster finds that the cult kids can't read and they're being used as slave labour. Cal goes to a frat party and finds that Susan was forced to make a sex tape with the student by older girls at his own daughter's school. Susan has to tell all to her father, who is about to explode with rage. The charges are dropped against Cal's client. Dr. Foster saves a family from the cult guy, ignoring Eli, and does the IRS out of someone to persecute. Susan's outraged father murders the prosecutor!

[Friday, 19th] NCIS [21:00, FX] A dead body in the Virginia woods; a retired commander whose son, Michael, is in gaol for murder. Duckie ducked off the case because he knew too much about it. Not suicide. Duckie gave up Bennett, the farmer who really did the murder, whom the commander was going to confront. Duckie took Gibbs and Bishop to his secret Sherlock Holmes club. Bishop busted the stroppiest of them.
   Abby was desolated because she did the defective forensic work which put Michael away. The Sherlocks invaded Gibbs' home with an offer to do some B&E; they were caught. Gibbs busted Tupperman on tree-sap evidence. Duckie resigned from the Sherlocks and inflicted Palmer on them instead. Michael got out of gaol after 16 years.

[Saturday, 20th] Midsomer Murders [The Sleeper Under The Hill, 20:00, ITV] A bloke bashed and gutted in a stone circle: a farmer who upset the thuggish local druids. Barnaby went messing about in the ring at night and got a fright. The stroppy druid lady was stabbed by a hoodie. DS Jones dumped both murders on the druid Ezra.
   The local poacher clobbered the local uniformed sergeant; a long-time pal of Jones', in the pub. Evan was busted, the sergeant, a nasty piece of work, shot his dog and Evan got away. Jones went pratting about in a field being sprayed and the sergeant blasted a hole in the tractor cab's windscreen.
   Sgt. Gibson looked dodgier by the minute. Jones got snippy when Barnaby noticed this. Then the sergeant was found stuffed into a rainwater barrel. Barnaby had another go at the dead farmer's widow. Then he bamboozled the guy with the visual diary and busted him.
   He had a secret gallery of art objects and he had found ancient treasure. The farmer had wanted to report the find and the druid lady had been on the trail. Sgt. Gibson had been in on the plot to steal the treasure.

[Sunday, 21st] Man City's teenagers @ Chelski in the FA Cup [16:00, BBC 1] Nearly a goal for Chelsea in the 14th minute. Straight at the City keeper in the 23rd. City were mainly making up the numbers, so it was no surprise when they went one down in the 35the minute. And a big surprise when they knocked in an equalizer 94 seconds later! The City keeper pulled off a good save after 40 minutes; pure reaction.
   Chelsea retook the lead in the 48th minute, and went 3-1 up 4 minutes later. Game over. 4-1 from a not brilliant free kick after 66 minutes. A Chelski dive in the 74th minute produced a penalty; which was saved! Chelski made it 5-1 in the 89th minute with a header/cross, which found the top corner of the net.

[Monday, 22nd] Gotham [22:00, Channel 5] Penguin found his mom, discovered that Butch was working for Galivant, watched his mom die and managed to escape. Mr. Nygma had to find his girlfriend's body, which his evil alter-ego had hidden. Galivant was planning to get Bruce Wayne to sign over his company then he'd kill the kid. Galivant sent the PD full-charge after Penguin, promising martial law and a curfew after he was sworn in as mayor.
   Silver, a girl dangled in front of BW, told Selena to get lost. Butch told Gordon that Galivant had made Penguin kill his opponents for mayor because of the kidnapped mom. Penguin planned to raid the mayor's victory party; a mob of Penguin's crashed it! Big shoot-up. Penguin fled with a bullet in his shoulder. Gordon put Mayor Galivant on notice; he knows Galivant is a baddie.

[Tuesday, 23rd] Castle [21:00, Alibi] A female floater. Beckett was still pratting about with the secret guy. The lady was killed on a cruise ship: a drug mule? The heroin she was carrying related to Beckett's secret case. The ship's captain refused to co-operate so the crew had to be bamboozled and blackmailed. Beckett busted the main drug guy.
   The dead woman was investigating dumping rubbish at sea and stumbled on the heroin smuggling. Castle was warned off but kept digging. His smart assistant hacked the drug guy's system; but the drug nerd won.
   Castle found out that Beckett had been lying to him about the secret crap. The cops lit up the guy who could have taken the drug case further, making him a very dead end. But Beckett's drug guy had a Caleb Brown connection. Beckett and Castle got back together at the end.

[Wednesday, 24th] What Could Possibly Go Wrong? [20:00, Discovery] Demolition Derby: immobilize a car with 3 shunts? Grant & Kevin fortified their chariots and added weapons. Kevin claimed a kill after flattening 2 tyres but Grant tried to continue, but his transmission blew. So victory to Kevin.
   Could Grant beat Kevin's lie detector? Or vice versa? Yes, the science is bunk, they concluded. Could our heroes built a mountain-bike version of a ski-lift? Almost on the first run, but we never got to see the next one, because it was into a quick break then on to:
   Mythbusters [21:00, Discovery] Jamie wanted to flatten a car with explosives. As usual, he started at a small scale. Meanwhile, Adam wanted to lift a car into the air using a single vacuum cleaner. Which would need a nozzle area of 1,000 square feet! So that was 40 x 8" suction cups and lots of tubing connecting them to the vacuum.
   Jamie's second test was a little too strong and flung steel plates into the air. Test 3 ripped the car apart instead of flattening it. Test 4 blasted the car out sideways. So it was back to the conditions of Test 1 with more explosives. Jamie was satisfied with that.
   Back to Adam and his 40 suckers: what could possibly go wrong? Well, the bonnet of the car buckling and the suckers on it losing grip, for a start. The guys replaced the bonnet with a steel sheet and got the back wheels well of the ground, and the front wheels about an inch off, before the octopus let go. Adam went on to vacuum boxes with about half the suction and covering the boot and bonnet area. Wow! The car rose up and up to the top of the crane's lifting limit. Then Jamie pulled the plug on the vacuum and splat! Myth Confirmed.
   Jamie used 1,000 lbs of ANFO for a full-size car. Bits of the gantry holding the steel plate loaded with explosives went 500 feet into the air. There was just a car-size dent in the bottom steel plate. The ANFO had cut through the top steel plate, shredding it and the car, and made the car go away rather than flattening it. Hire cars parked on the other side of the bunker hill suffered broken windows and shrapnel damage. Myth Busted.

[Thursday, 25th] Death In Paradise [21:00, BBC 1] A boozy beach party. Sian was found dead in the showers at the hostel the next morning, gun in hand, suicide. But why didn't she have a towel? The DI had a locked room mystery. The gun belonged to the guy running the hostel. The DI nearly ran over Martha, who used to work in a coffee shop back home. Sian had a big bag of Es.
   The DI flapped around the guests, looking for someone to frame. Sian's control-freak boyfriend looked the best bet. The Es came from Astor, the chalet guy. At J.P.'s wedding, the DI realized what had happened to the towel, so instead of just going an arresting the boyfriend, he had his usual self-congratulatory sessions with the suspects, real and imagined.
Elementary [22:00, Living+1] A body parked in a freezer at the morgue exploded! A bomb inside a dead homeless guy. Was it the Red Shadow mob, trying to prevent autopsies on 5 of their guys? SH found a crime scene 30 yards from where Omar's body was found and across a county line.
   Captain Gregson got tough with a Mob lawyer to force co-operation. SH came up with another target for the bomb: a Jane Doe in the morgue. Janet, a roller-derby lady with access to pain-killers. She had a violent boyfriend; not him. Meanwhile, Det. Cortez of Coney Island had asked Watson for help on a case: was she trying to frame Watson?
   Janet was being spied on by Toby, a creepy stalker. Cortez was clobbering felons who deserved it, Watson found, and she wanted Watson to join in. SH decided that the bomber was Toby's dad; who got in first with a confession. Then Watson told Cortez to pack in her vigilante act or else. Cortez seemed unimpressed.
Lie To Me [23:00, Alibi+1] A girl on holiday in Mexico found her mother gone. Dr. Cal was shooed off on holiday with his daughter; to the same place in Mexico!! A guy from the embassy called Cal in unofficially; his bosses and the local police didn't want to know. Back home, the blood bank had been contaminated so Dr. Foster and Eli were brought in to find out who could be trusted. Plus a rival of Dr. Cal's; a notorious con-man.
   Cal got his lady assistant on the job in Mexico and found that a lady from Miami had also disappeared. Cal also worked the case back home by remote control. He found a fertility clinic, which was being run by a bogus doctor, who was harvesting eggs from poor American women, who were supposed to be in Mexico on holidays they couldn't afford. Dr. Foster uncovered a drug lab, which was operating at the blood bank and contaminating the blood! And Cal found the missing woman in Mexico.

[Friday, 26th] NCIS [21:00, FX] Navy doctors murdered in South Sudan. Dinbozo meets Jeanne, daughter of the arms dealer The Frog, again; she's married to a missing volunteer doctor. Gibbs and McGee are going to Sudan. Dr. Jeanne insists on going too. Gibbs keels over and there's no obvious medical cause for his collapse: stress?
   Dinbozo goes to Sudan instead of Gibbs. Abby and Palmer spot General Ferocious Animal, who's been wounded by rival terrorists and who needs a doctor. The prisoners are rescued and Gibbs sets a helicopter gunship on the general's gang. Then his doctor tells him there is a medical cause for his collapse, but he still needs talk therapy.

[Saturday, 27th] Midsomer Murders [A Sacred Trust, 20:00, ITV 3] Masked teenage vandals wreck the local priory's stained glass windows. Sgt. Jones gets the bum's rush from the boss nun. One of the nuns is murdered. DCI John Barnaby gets a chilly reception and the remaining 3 nuns are unco-operative. The priory silver is missing, he discovers when he insists on a search of the premises. 60 grand's worth!
   The heirs to the priory land trying to get rid of the nuns to reclaim it? The bishop certainly wants them gone. The local kids invade the grounds of the priory to get up to no good. Duncan, the school bully, is one of the vandals. He goes to Mrs. Barnaby's school; a thug with a rich father. The bottle-happy Catholic priest marks Duncan's card. No surprise when Father James is done in.
    Sister Catherine, who's about to take her permanent vows, is the heir to the priory. Someone buries a box in the garden. The cops find Duncan's stash of weed; dealer quantities. His mum tips him off and he shoots off in his car. The silver turns up in Oxford; sold by the dead nun. Duncan is nicked. DS Jones makes Barnaby realize that the case is all about clothes and masks.
    The head nun saw Duncan's dad do a massacre in Africa and tries to extort cash from him. He killed the wrong nun with glasses, Barnaby realizes. The boss nun keeps on with her extortion attempts and Duncan's dad falls into a trap.

[Sunday, 28th] Midsomer Murders [Death In Chorus, 18:00, ITV 3] An eldery artist gets a pig's heart nailed up in his home. Connor, a stroppy old git, collapses during choir practice. DCI Tom's wife is in the choir. Connor is done in. The police find female clothing at his place and the heart. Barnaby collars . . . Sam, the twitcher, who's chasing barn owls.
   Mrs. B. gets a note telling her "You're next". Like everyone else in the choir. Giles, at the big house, is nobody's friend. Jones is put into the choir U/C. There's a huge rivalry with another choir led by a bloke who lied on his CV to cheat the Worthy choirmaster out of a plum job at the cathedral. Bang! One dead twitcher on the estate but body-dumped in the churchyard.
   The police find the crime-scene in the owls' barn. There's a punch-up of choir masters in the pub. Mrs. Giles is the next church collapso. Barnaby makes a speed-dial connection. Giles is giving his wife non-prescription tranquillizers. The choir master didn't kill Connor despite his wife's affair.
   The rival was spying on the Worthy choir with high-tech gear. He is charged with issuing the death threats. Giles tries to drown his wife with the cops watching! Connor is an art forger. he tried to swindle swindler Giles. The choirmaster does a runner, realizing his marriage is a sham, but Midsomer Worthy carries on without him and wins the contest.
Bergerac [When Did You Last See Your Father?, 20:00, Drama] A woman is attacked and robbed on a ferry. A stripper whose father is a bishop. Charlie is thinking of selling up and the father of the thuggish Toby, one of Jim's robbery suspects, makes an offer; which comes with strings. Another suspect is a Jersey native, whose dad went bust. His home, a bus, is vandalized. And so is Jim's car.
   Surprise! Toby is too suspicious for his own good and the boat mugger is Tom, the honest Jersey lad. Charlie knew his dad and he talks him out of mangling Jim at his scrapyard by deploying some home truths.

[Monday, 29th] Gotham [22:00, Channel 5] Crazy Barbara has a wedding rehearsal nightmare. Galivant says it's the day his crazy sister gets to kill Jim Gordon. Jim is busting a gut to arrest Galivant but the captain insists on some evidence. Barbara turns up at the PD with a silly story, Harve tells Jim it's a trap but Jim and the SWAT gang swan off with Barbara and Jim is nabbed.
   Galivant goes after Bruce Wayne's assets. Nygma is about to bury his girlfriend in the woods when he ends up with an extra body. Gordon's girlfriend the doctor is also grabbed. Harve realizes where they are; at the cathedral for a wedding. Crazy Barb ends up damaged in hospital.
   The previous mayor is rescued from where Galivant was holding him. BW refuses to sign over his company and Galivant is busted after chucking a file containing the name of the guy who murdered BW's parents into the fire. Nygma runs into Penguin, who's hiding in the woods.