December 2012

[Saturday, 01st] The Finder [20:00, Universal] Walter learns that a painting he recovered 4 years before is a fake and his dad, who tried to put him in a looney bin after Iraq, is dying and wants Walter and his brother to find Mom, who dumped dad for a rich guy years before. Mom is in witness protection but Walter decides that she's in Memphis by popping balloons.
   The art thief says Walter stole from him what he stole from the gallery. The painting is shredded but Walter's gang puts it back together and the thief decides that it was painted either by the artist or his clone; no, it's the work of a schizophrenic in an asylum, who thinks he's Winslow Homer.
   A weird cult is after Mom but the nutters end up dead and Mom is reunited with Dad before he croaks. But Dad really wanted to be reunited with Walter. Willa runs away to avoid being married off by the control freak at the head of her weird "family". Walter and his brother are arrested but Mom heads off into the sunset for a life free of the Federal mob.
Collateral Damage (2002) The wife and son of Captain Brewer of L.A.F.D. are wiped out incidentally by Colombian terrorists. He smashes up the offices of a group of sympathizers of the terrorists before rampaging off to Colombia after El Lobo. He has to sneak into terrorist territory and the head of the local CIA infiltrators wants him killed to prove to Washington what swines the terrorists are.
   Brewer is arrested by the Colombian police but the terrorists attack the gaol and Brewer escapes. He makes a bog of killing El Loco to avoid killing Mrs. Loco and her son, and he's caught. Mrs. Loco sets him free just before the CIA zaps the terrorists' base. The CIA flies Brewer and Mrs. Loco back to the States El Lobo is planning an operation in Washington.
   Loco plants a briefcase bomb but it's just a diversion. Brewer realizes that Mrs. Loco is another scumbag who plans to use the kid to blow up the CIA HQ. Brewer foils the dinosaur bomb plot, he sets a fireman's fiery trap for the Locos in the basement of the building, he kills the Locos with his bare hands and he ends up with the kid as a replacement for the one blown up at the start of the film.

[Sunday, 02nd] NFL Sunday [18:03, Sky Sports 2] The Seahawks @ in Chicago. A sack for Peppers on the 2nd play and the Bears won the ball by recovering a strip from a pile of bodies. Marshall nearly fumbled the ball back to the Seahawks on the way to a TD pass for Bennett. The Bears got lucky again; hanging on to a fumble in their return of a Seattle punt.
   The Bears blew up on 4th & inches at the SH 15 in Q2. Bennett blew a TD chance. A big pass to Tate got the Seahawks to the CB 4 and Lynch made a TD run. 7-7. As the half ran out, Wilson scrambled and got the ball to Edwards, who almost got into the CB end zone, but only a FG in the end. 10-7.
   With 3 minutes of Q3 left, the Bears got luckier than the SH with a review when Forte rolled into the SS end zone untouched. 10-14. Cutler scrambled through big holes in the SS defence; but to a punt in Q4.
   Wilson did some running, the Seahawks had to make a 4th down in CB territory. They reached the CB 13 with 32 seconds to score a TD. Tate ran through 3 tackles to top off a 97 yard drive. 17-14. Marshall took a pass 56 yards to the SS 30, and a 46-yard FG tied the scores at 17. OT and the Seahawks had blown it.
   More scampering by Wilson in overtime. The Bears' defence was worn out, and a TD pass to Rice won it for the Seahawks again. 23-17 final.
Quick, over to the Steelers @ the Ravens [21:27, Sky Sports 2] Polamalu was back but Batch was still QBing and he has a terrible record against the Ravens! The Steelers opened the scoring with a FG. The Ravens replied with a FG in Q2. 3-3. Kruger sacked Batch, the Ravens reached the PS 10 on pass interference, and managed a FG. 3-6.
   Flacco evaded a sack in the Ravens' next series but threw a pick to Clarke. Then Brown, on a end-around, threw a pick to Graham of the Ravens! 2 big passes to Boldin gave the Ravens a TD. 3-13. The Steelers spluttered to a FG before the half ran out. 6-13.
   In Q3, the Steelers advanced quickly into FG range with a 43 yard pass to Miller. Dwyer rushed into the BR end zone following Batch! 13-13. The Ravens wasted a challenge in the next PS drive but Sanders fumbled the ball away to Ed Reed. A 34 yard TD run by Rice put the Ravens 13-20 up.
   Jones sacked Batch and Reed intercepted him in the BR end zone. But 96 of the Steelers recovered a strip! Miller stabbed the pylon with a dive which survived a review. 20-20. And when Suisham kicked a FG with just 3 seconds left, that was 23-20 for the Steelers and an end to Batch's losing streak.

[Monday, 03rd] Life, the finale [20:00, Universal] Roman makes a tape showing Reese is his prisoner. He wants Rayborn for Reese. The Captain lends Crews his phone when he goes off on his own. Roman starts killing off his FBI contacts but Crews saves Agent Bodner. He goes after Rayborn's doctor, Ted finds that Rayborn's money is still all there and Crews finds that he's not dead or even ill. Bobby & Seever get some guns to Crews.
   Roman tells Reese he killed her father. Rayborn is tracked down to a homeless shelter. The Captain decides that Reese's prison is near a subway but he gets there too late. Crews unravels the Seybolt case; his business partner wasn't dirty, Raybolt was trying to use him to turn Crews into a dirty cop.
   Amanda turns Seever and Rayborn in, so Crews trades himself for Reese. Then he kills Roman and tells his crew that they are now free. And Ted goes to Spain, where Olivia is lurking.
Showdown In Little Tokyo (1991, Dolph Lundgren) [21:00, TCM] A cop goes to arrest a mobster at fight night in L.A.'s Japanese quarter. There's a big shoot-out and the bad guy gets away Yakuza shake down the cop's breakfast joint, which is wrecked, and he ends up with a new partner: Johnny of the Asian Taskforce. The Yaks are planning to distribute a new version of meth called Ice from their brewery.
   The partners crash a club and find that the new owner is the bad guy who killed the cop's parents in Japan when he was 9. The cop rescues a dishonoured singer from the BG's pad, so the BG demands the blond cop's head. The partners get into a bath house brawl and the BG gets away.
   The cop and the singer take a break at his Japanese style home but BGs set fire to it and grab the girl. The partners have to escape from a car shredder. They wreck the BG's brewery and meth plant, and the BG ends up skewered on a katana and Catherine wheeled!

[Tuesday, 04th] SNF replay [4oD] The Eagles were stopped in Dallas, they got a sack and their next drive produced an easy TD run for Brown. 7-0. The Cowboys drove into Q2 to a FG after a sack by Graham. 7-3. The Eagles used a challenge successfully to wipe out a catch helped by the ground and make Dallas punt with 5 minutes gone.
   Big gain for Brown, 21 yard pass to Macklin, and Brown finished the Eagles' drive with a TD run. 14-3. The Cowboys made some miracle plays and finished the quarter with a short TD run by Murray. 14-10. 35 seconds left for the Eagles to get into FG range. 17-10.
   The Cowboys started their Q3 drive with a TD pass to Bryant, who ran through the Eagles' D. 17-17. The Eagles then marched 80 yards to a pass by Foles to Cooper, caught one-handed. 24-17. The Cowboys made a 4th down after a challenge and finished their drive with a TD in Q4 for Austin. 24-24.
   The Eagles kicked a FG for f27-24. The Cowboys marched down the field and Bryan barged his way into the end zone. 27-31. The Eagles had time to go back the other way, but the ball was stripped from Brown and Clairborne took it 50 yards back to the PE end zone. 27-38. Game over. But in the last mintue, the Eagles returned a punt 98 yards for a TD!! They went for 2 points, but no cigar. 33-38 final.
No Virgin cable TV or broadband service in the evening so Destination Moon (1950, George Pal) into the DVD player followed by reading some of Edgar Wallace's Four Just Men stories from the time when there were only actually 2 of them doing anything.

[Wednesday, 05th] Elementary [20:00, LivingHD] The cops thought they had a copycat, Holmes thought they were looking for someone who helped serial killer Wade Crewes in 1999, and he wanted to keep Watson at arm's length because she was on the trail of Irene Adler. A suspect had a woman chained up in the basement; she was his alibi.
   Holmes proved that the present Captain's partner planted evidence to get Crewes. He went burgling to find the murder weapon for both lots of killings; also planted. Holmes decided that Crewes and his accomplice were trying to frame a new suspect to get Crewes out of gaol. The new killer turned out to be Crewes' son by his mistress! And Irene Adler died.
Perception [series finale, 2/2, 21:00, WatchHD] Wesley's body still hadn't been found but Agent Moretti was determined to prove that Daniel saw his murder. Dr. Dan found that Dr. Catherine at the hospital was the basis for his imaginary friend Natalie. The kid who posted Wesley's video on the internet admitted that he killed him and hid the body to make the FBI investigate the murder of the kid's father.
   Prof. Dan signed himself out of the hospital and went back to work. Moretti uncovered a blackmail plot and Senatorial attempted rape. The recently elected Senator was killed and his widow wanted to take his place. Dan set himself up as a target to get the widow. There was no plot involving the energy industry, just a woman willing to kill her way into the Senate. At the end, Dr. Catherine volunteered to be Dan's substitute Natalie.

[Thursday, 06th] Behind Enemy Lines (1997) [21:00, TCM] Two special forces guys are sent to Vietnam to frustrate the sale of 2 nuclear triggers from decommissioned Russian nukes. Weston gets away after losing the triggers in a lake, Jones is captured. A year later, Weston and 3 guys are operating a charter boat in Tahiti when the CIA show him pictures of Jones in a prison camp.
   Weston goes off to rescue Jones and get the triggers. His sister turns up and drags his crew to Vietnam, too. The Vietnamese try to frame Weston as a drug smuggler to get him to tell them where the triggers are, and the local CIA guy is in with them.
   The US consulate tries to get his sister and crew deported but they disappear with the help of friends. They are being done over by Triads when the local murder squad arrives and takes out the Triads. Lots of shooting, half of the Vietnamese army is killed, the prison is shot to bits, and the Americans get the triggers. Hooray!

[Friday, 07th] Guitar Stories: Mark Knopfler (2012) [20:00, Sky Arts 1HD] John Illsley, former member of Dire Straits, encourages the front man to pick 6 guitars which defined his musical life. No. 1 cost his Dad fifty quid. Off to a meeting with the famous blues guy who introduced Mark to the 1937 National Style Resonator. No. 3 just had to be a Stratocaster for the start of the band and the Sultans of Swing.
   A Les Paul Gibson was No. 4 for Money For Nothing and Brothers In Arms. No. 5 came from New York and was built to sound like a Stratocaster and a Gibson to reduce the number of guitar changes on stage. Rudy from Argentina came up with the Pensa Mk. 1. Finally, a hand-made Monteleone Isabella acoustic guitar.
The Mental Case [21:00 5HD] Jane was looking for whoever drove Lorelei, Red John's girlfriend, out of gaol when he was called to a dead security guard and a kidnapped couple. The husband's brother was a hard case; and a dodgy investment manager, too. No, it was the house-sitters who had been grabbed, Jane decided.
   Jane jousted with the kidnapper when he made the $5 million ransom call. He got tough with the scumbag at the next call and the wife was released. Surprise! She was the mastermind and the kidnapper was working for her! And he was going to kill her husband! But Jane scammed the woman, she got bugged ransom money and the kidnapper was also busted. Then Jane went after Walter, Red John's stooge, who was blackmailed by a fake FBI agent into taking Lorelei on a mystery tour.

[Saturday, 08th] College Football, Army v Navy [20:00, ESPN America] Navy (won the last 10 matches) won the toss and deferred. Lots of work for the punters and Army kept having to recover their own fumbles. But No. 4, on the play after No. 3, went to Navy, and they hit the Army end zone with 9½ minutes of Q2 left.
   Army suddenly got their running game working; all the way to a TD in just 3 minutes. 7-7. Navy kicked a FG as the half ran out, but they left Army with half a minute to level the scores at 10 at half time.
   In Q3, Navy had to recover a fumble to be able to punt, but they recovered another Army fumble in the return! But it got them nowhere. Army carried on running the ball but they were stopped with a 3rd down sack. They recovered a fumble in their next drive but screwed up badly at the Navy 2, so a FG. 10-13.
   Punting into Q4. Army crossed 300 yards rushing with 10 minutes left. Bad play calling and a bad snap left them with a missed FG try. A 79 yard pass play got Navy to the Army 8, and the QB went in for a TD. 17-13, 4:41 left. Army carried on running the ball, but yet another fumble gave it to Navy with a minute left. The end.

[Sunday, 09th] NFL Sunday [17:00, Sky Sports 2] The Ravens in Washington. The Redskins were able to run the ball with Morris but scored with a short TD pass to Morgan. 0-7. Rice ran all over the Redskins for 46 yards and Boldin took a TD pass for 7-7. RG3 fired a big pass to Moss, Morgan almost fought his way into the BR end zone and Morris finished the drive. 7-14.
   Ruger got a sack on RG3 and the Skins punted at the start of Q2. Boldin took a pass 31 yards for his second TD. 14-14. Another TD pass, to the tight end, put the Ravens 21-14 up. Penalties killed their next drive.
   The Redskins had to punt away their start to Q3 but knocked the ball away from Flacco to set up a 48 yard FG. 21-17. Pierce ran through the Skins, Rice & Flacco joined in but Fletcher picked a tipped pass to give the Skins another FG. 21-20.
   Flacco was sacked on the first play of Q4. Jones got one back on RG3. Pierce hurdled a Redskin for a 1st down with 6 minutes left. Boldin went 20 yards with Hall hanging off him, and Rice finished the drive with a TD run. 28-20. Fumble of the kick return recovered by BR? No, the player was out of bounds. Kruger got a sack at the 2 minute warning, RG3 sprained his knee but Cousins delivered a TD pass to Garçon and ran in the 2-point conversion! 28-28!
   The Ravens won the OT toss but had to punt. Crawford returned the kick 64 yards to the BR 25, and a 34 yard FG gave the Redskins a 28-31 win.
Over to the Saints @ the Giants [21:26, Sky Sports 2] to see a 58 yard kick off return by the Giants, who went 3 & out. But they mugged Colston to get the ball back. But Mack intercepted Manning for a TD. 7-0. So Wilson returned the kick off for a TD! 7-7. The Giants recovered another strip, and that set up a TD pass to Bennett. 7-14.
   A 32 yard FG in Q2 brought NO to 10-14. Wilson returned the kick off 52 yards but the Giants missed a FG try. A nice drive by the Saints, and a FG, got them to 13-14. Which left time enough for Manning to fire a TD pass to Hixon for a half time lead of 13-21.
   In Q3, the Giants collected a tipped pass and restarted at the NO 20. Wilson made a TD run. 13-28. The Giants stopped the Saints then drove to a TD pass to Nicks. 13-35. Bang! a 62 yard pass to Morgan and a TD for Sproles. 20-35. Cruz took a pass 35 yards but Manning was intercepted and the Saints launched a quick drive to another TD for Sproles. 27-35. Another big return for the Giants.
   In Q4, Cruz hit the NO end zone for 27-42. Morgan and Brees made another big pass play but Brees was picked off by Brown and the Giants kicked a FG. 27-45. And they piled on a bit more agony with a TD for Wilson. 27-52 final.

[Monday, 10th] Fact or Fakes: Paranormal Files [20:00, SyfyHD] is like Ghostbusters meets Mythbusters. The team look at videos, explain some and experiment with others. A main story was a lizard man, which chewed up cars. After various tests with guns and power tools, the team dressed a guy up in a lizard suit to underline their conclusion it was a prank from the 1980s, which had run and run.
   Next, the Ohio gas station phantom. Plasma formation? Nope. Wind-blown debris? Nope! Not an airborne plastic bag. Laser hoax? Nope. Bug on the camera lens reflecting the blue paint around it? Yes! Case closed.
Anaconda (1997) [21:05, Sony TV] A professor was leading an expedition up the jungle in South America in search of a lost tribe. They ran into a snake hunter, who kept clashing with the professor about where to look for the tribe, but he did an emergency trachaeotomy on the prof. when he half-swallowed a poisonous fish while scuba diving!!
   The snake guy took the boat off to where he wanted to go under the pretext of getting the professor to a hospital and got people killed, starting with the captain. He wanted to catch the big snake which had shed huge skins because he reckoned it was worth $1 million.
   The hunter went fishing for the snake but it got away. More and more of the expedition were killed. A mutiny didn't work. Eventually, the professor staggered off his sickbed to tackle the hunter, who was swallowed by the snake and puked up again. The last 2 active members of the expedition managed to barbeque the snake and stick a pick-axe through its head. And on the way home, they met the lost tribe.

[Tuesday, 11th] War (2007, Jet Li) [21:00, 5USA] FBI agent Crawford's partner and his family were murdered. 3 years later, in San Francisco, Crawford went on the rampage when Yakuza gangsters were taken out with the special ammo used to kill his partner. Plastic surgeons were dying suspiciously. Greedy cops did a St. Valentine's Day massacre on a Yakuza shipment.
   Crawford rousted the bent captain, who was whacked by a sniper after he said Chang of the Triads had the loot. The killer brought the Feds to Chang's warehouse after warning Chang. He did it to get in tighter with Chang. The killer fanned the flames of the Yakuza/Triad war. Crawford caught up with the plastic surgeon who had worked on the killer, who held a massacre at Chang's mansion, but didn't kill his wife and child.
   The head Yakuza got his golden horses, but they were fakes. The killer, who was Crawford's FBI partner, took out the Yakuza boss after he'd admitted that Crawford sold him out. Crawford and his late partner got into a big brawl. Natch, Crawford was done in and his former partner ended up with the gold horses.

[Wednesday, 12th] Sunday Night Football replay [4oD] The Lions at snowy Green Bay. The Lions opening drive went to a 4th down up close, and Stafford ran in untouched. 7-0. Rodgers fumbled when sacked in the DL red zone, the Lions got the ball and Scheffler took a TD pass in Q2. 14-0.
   A repo ref penalty stalled the Packers, plus some drops, but Crosby managed a 49 yard FG. 3-14. Disaster for Detroit. The ball slipped out of Stafford's hand before he could make a pass, 76 Daniels recovered it and went 46 yards for a TD!! 14-10. The Lions continued to run the ball successfully, Stafford was picked by Shields but the Pack didn't get out of their half.
   GB struggled in their opening drive of Q3, but Rodgers evaded a sack and ran 27 yards for a TD! 14-17. Hanson levelled the scores with a 46 yard FG. After an exchange of punts, the Packers were stopped with a sack and a 52 yard FG try was no good.
   The Lions were just short with a 51 yard FG try in Q4. Green did some solid running, Grant got the Pack to the DL 20 and Harris rushed in for a TD. 17-24. The Packers' next drive ended with a 41 yard FG. 17-27. 4 minutes left. Was Stafford picked on a 4th & 10 pass? No, the ball hit the ground so the Packers went 3 & out from their 41 instead of the 19. Rodgers accepted a sack on 3rd down to make the Lions burn a time out.
   With 2 minutes left, the Lions managed a 34 yard FG for 20-27 with 7 seconds left. They tried a short kick but the ball went out of bounds. The End.
Elementary [20:00, Living] Watson wants to desert Holmes and give him a sponsor but her choice was rejected at once. Some website design guys were blown up but Holmes found that the bomb had been there since 2008! Holmes tracked down a bomber, who'd built earlier ones but not the 2008 device.
   Holmes picked Alfredo, a black retired junkie, as his sponsor. Holmes' next suspect was walled up in his own home! He was the target for the bomb (which was set off by accident in 2012) and a blackmailer. Killed by his victim, Holmes reckoned but the evidence was so thin that any half-decent lawyer would get her off.
The A-Team (2010) [21:00, Film4HD] Hannibal collected B.A. and Face in Mexico, added Murdoch and 80 missions of the Alpha-Team later, the CIA wanted some printing plates for US dollars in Iraq. Face's old girlfriend turned up as a DoD captain. The general told Hannibal to stay out of CIA Col. Lynch's operation.
   Hannibal & Co. got the goods then the general's car was blown up and the A-Team was railroaded into gaol. Hannibal told Lynch he knew where to find Pike, who murdered the general and stole the plates. Lynch helped the A-Team to escape. The gang pinched a Hercules, which was shot down, so they landed in a tank.
   Everyone went to Frankfurt (am Main), where all of the printing plates were to be found. The A-Team got them. Surprise! The general was still alive, but not for long, and a bad guy, in with Pike. Lynch tried to wipe out the A-Team and he extracted Pike from the DoD Lady and bugged her, so he heard Hannibal's plan. A container depot was blown up a bit, Lynch was exposed as a bad guy but he was extracted by another CIA Lynch. The A-Team was re-busted so the guys escaped again, presumably to the L.A. underground.

[Thursday, 13th] The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes: The Cardboard Box [19;55, ITV 3] Back in Victorian times, London was in widescreen! It was nearly Xmas and Holmes had the hump. He had refused to look for Mary, who was missing, for Susan Cushing, the eldest of 3 sisters. Susan evicted her medical student lodger for being familiar with Sarah, another spinster. Then Susan received a box containing two human ears preserved in salt.
   Watson noted that they were not a pair and Holmes detected a lack of formaldehyde, which ruled out the lodger sending medical specimens. Holmes decided that they were meant for Susan, and a tale unfolded of Sarah driving Mary away from her husband because she wanted him, and the husband becoming a double murderer of his wife and her fancy man.
Timeshift: When Wrestling was Golden: Grapples, Grunts and Grannies [21:00, BBC 4] Wrestling came out of the music halls, it acquired rules after WW II thanks to Lord Mountevans and it enjoyed 33 years on TV with audiences of up to 16 million people tuning in to World of Sport at 4 p.m. on a Saturday afternoon. Joint Promotions delivered 25 golden years with scripting to make things more entertaining. It was the era of Mick McManus, Jackie Pallo and Adrian Street.
   The matches were fixed, usually to a win for the good guy, but the battering along the way was real enough. Kendo Nagasaki was kept off TV until 1971, and he eventually unmasked voluntarily in 1977 before re-masking. Big Daddy, promoter Max Crabtree's brother Shirley, and Giant Haystacks helped to revive TV wrestling in the mid-1970s,
   There was too much circus and not enough sport in the 1980s – rather like the WWE and TNA today – and it was dumped off TV in 1988 by Greg Dyke, head of ITV, as a sneery class thing because there were no yuppies in the audience. No footage of Les Kellett in action – a disgraceful omission.

[Friday, 14th] Last TNF replay of the season [12:00, Sky Sports 3] The Bengals in Philadelphia. The Eagles fumbled away their first possession on the 2nd play and Green-Ellis was not to be denied a run into their end zone. The Eagles went 3 and out, and the punt hit one of their players! The Bengals got the ball at the PE 11 but managed only a FG. 10-0.
   A big pass to Maclin in Q2 set up a TD pass to Cooper for 10-7. Then the PE defence forced Dalton to fumble and recovered the ball at the CB 29 on the way to a FG. 10-10. The Eagles got Dalton again after the 2 minute warning and restarted at the CB 12, but managed only a FG. 10-13.
   Dalton suffered sacks #5 and #6 on successive plays in Q3, the Bengals had to punt but Hall promptly picked a bad pass from Foles, and Dalton scrambled into the PE end zone eventually on a busted play with a minute of the quarter left. 17-13.
   The Bengals' defence forced a fumble and 95 Gilberry ran the ball into the PE end zone. 24-13. Oh, no! Time for the Bengals to recover another fumble and get a FG in Q4 off this turnover. 27-13.
   The Eagles fumbled the kickoff reception straight to the Bengals at their 33. The Bengals had to set up for a FG but the Eagles got an unsporting conduct flag for being 'disconcerting'. So that was a 1st down for the Bengals at the PE 13, then a TD pass to Green. 34-13. And that was the end of the scoring.
The Mental Case [21:00, 5HD] Loma Vista Point, a dozy driver went straight on, and a bad guy finished her off. Cassie was a TV reporter who had done a piece about dodgy goings on at a local motor racetrack. Jane, who spent most of the episode trying to work how to break in to a Federal prison to interview Lorelei, got the lowdown on Cassie from Tara Skye, the weather girl at the TV station.
   Cassie had dirt on the environmental hero Mr. Volker, who'd had a whole village of inconvenients wiped out in South America. Lisbon cracked Amanda, Volker's P.A., and Jane went on TV with the news anchor bloke and bamboozled him into an admission of guilt. Volker had Amanda done in and laughed at Lisbon. Then Bob from Homeland Security told Lisbon to lay off Volker because he had political muscle. He also knew Jane, suggesting that Good Old Bob was another of Red John's pals.

[Saturday, 15th] Another chance to see the very first episode of Jonathan Creep [The Wrestler's Tomb, 19:00, WatchHD] An artist in the Francis Bacon mould is murdered in a way which frames a known villain. He uses his right to an investigative journalist to put the appalling Maddy on the job. Meanwhile, JC is being run ragged by the appalling Adam, his magician employer.
   The widow is a high-powered business woman and obviously bugged by Franchesca, the model/mistress, who goes to work for Adam. She aims Maddy at JC. He works out how the widow could have sneaked out of her office but decides it didn't happen. Maddy invades the widow's home and decides she's still the killer.
   JC makes a breakthrough. Maddy decides that Franchesca is the killer. And the real mistress is Catriona the Cleaner. JC concludes that Franchesca tied herself up and shot the artist using her feet! Yeah, like that would happen.
Welcome To The Jungle (2003) [21:00, Sony TV] stars former TV Wrestler The Rock as Mr. Beck, a retrieval expert who wants to run a restaurant. He wrecks an American football team's O-line on a job then he's sent into the South American jungle to retrieve Travis, the boss's son, who's after a golden relic called the Gato. Travis is working for Hatcher, the boss of the local gold mine, who is not a nice person.
   The jungle is full of hostile monkeys as well as people, which include rebels led by Travis' girlfriend. Getting hold of the Gato ain't easy, hanging on to it proves to be even tougher. Beck, a man with an aversion to firearms, has to take on the army at the mine. The scumbag banditos get the Gato and Beck double-crosses his client in the end.

[Sunday, 16th] NFL Sunday [18:03, Sky Sports 2] The Packers in Chicago. Forte ran all over the visitors but the first quarter remained scoreless. Having 12 men on the field gifted GB a 1st down when they had to punt, both sides got sacks, in Q2, the Packers made a 4th down in CB territory but Rodgers couldn't hit a wide-open Cobb and Crosby missed a FG try.
   Marshall ran through terrible tackling going the other way for a TD. A pass to Jones levelled the scores. The Bears survived a fumble, Peppers got another sack on Rodgers inside the last 2 minutes but Cutler threw his first play straight to Hayward and another TD for Jones gave GB a 14-7 half-time lead.
   The Packers chose to go for a 4th down in Q3 rather try a FG, they went to the CB 1 on pass interference and Jones collected a hat-trick of TDs. 21-7, 7 minutes gone. Neal got a sack, Rodgers had a long run to make a 3rd down but the Bears recovered a fumble and gained 53 yards through pass interference. Forte was stopped 3 times, so just a FG. 21-10.
   In Q4, Crosby hit the upright trying a FG. Matthews got his 2nd sack on Cutler. The Packers tried a lateral in a punt return and gave the ball right back to the Bears!! Who managed a FG. 21-13. Jeffery of the CB kept committing PI and Shields got away with some grabbage on Jeffery. Cutler took another sack and the Packers came away from Chicago as the NFC North Champs.
Over to the Steelers in Dallas [21:25, Sky Sports 2] The Steelers survived an almost interception and a fumble which was cancelled on review. They had to challenge a bad ruling on a catch to hold the Cowboys to a 50 yard FG. 0-3. The Cowboys challenged a catch given to Wallace to make the Steelers punt. Murray went 29 yards through terrible tackling but the Cowboys fumbled the ball to the Steelers up close.
   In Q2, Witten scored a TD and the Steelers managed a FG in reply. 3-10. Roethlisberger did a mega-scramble to fire a TD pass to Miller as the half ran out. 10-10.
   Timmons sacked Romo but he made a TD pass to Bryant. 10-17. A sack for Spears and a 60 yard pass to Wallace on the next play! Dwyer barged into the DC end zone for 17-17. Romo was sacked by Harrison trying to sneak for a yard.
   In Q4, a TD pass to Brown put the Steelers ahead 24-17. They fumbled away their next possession and a TD for Murray levelled the scores at 24. Lots of sack action as time ran out but no scoring.
   In OT, R'berger's 2nd play was picked off by Carr and returned to the PS goal line! The Steelers tried, and failed to ice the kicker, FG, 24-27 Cowboys final.

[Monday, 17th] Megafault (2009) [18:00, Syfy+1] A Gulf War veteran called Boomer sets off a mega-explosion and suddenly, there's a strolling earthquake rippling across the landscape and he falls into the chasm. A lady geologist digs him out. The alleged earthquake is more like a rodent fault line and it's going right across the USA. Luckily, the military has a weapon in space to freeze the ground water in unfriendly countries and wreck them with quakes which can't be blamed on Uncle Sam.
   The weapon fails to stop the rodent fault, so Boomer has to blow a bloody big hole in the ground to stop the rodent setting off the Jellystone National Park mega-volcano, getting himself killed in the process. The lady geologist survives, of course, for a tearful reunion with her family, who have been having an equally desperate time.
Piranha (1997) [21:00, Zone Horror] Two kids have a moonlit swim @ an abandoned research station. A lady P.I. goes looking for them, hooks up with local guy Paul, drains the pool but doesn't find any bodies. The lady working at the lab is assaulted by the PI. she tries to drive away but she crashes. She tells them that the PI released some engineered piranha into the river.
   The fish kill Paul's mate Jack and more and more others. The fish were a Cold War experiment aimed at making foreign rivers too dangerous to use. Paul's kid is down river at the Lost River resort, run by Mr. Raymond, who employed the PI. The pushy PI threatens the lab lady when she dares to point out who put the piranhas in the river, and the lab lady ends up dead.
   The fish get around the dam by a side channel. Raymond refuses to close his resort because there is East Coast Mob money in it, and fires the PI. Paul and the PI get a night in gaol but the PI mugs the deputy and they escape. The piranhas attack the kids but they are polluted to death; most of them. Raymond blows his brains out before the Mob can get him. And the killer PI gets off scot free.

[Tuesday, 18th] SNF replay [4oD] The 49ers @ the Patriots. The 49ers dominated in the first half, harrassing Brady and making interceptions, and finished the half 17-3 up. More NE turnovers let the 49ers go to 31-3 in Q3. Which became 31-10 at the end of the quarter.
   The Patriots staged a rally to level the scores at 31! But a kick off returned to the NE 38 was followed by a TD pass. 38-31. The Patriots had no answer now and went out on downs going for 4th & 2 at their 12! That gave the 49ers a FG. NE also managed a FG but an on-side kick try failed. 41-34 final.
TNA Impact [22:00, Challenge] A rant from Rude to start. Lots of fillers and replays. 15 minutes in, Medicine took on Velvet and her wriggly bum, and it was always going to an upset for Meddy. Brisco & Bischoff went up against the Robbies, E. & T., and managed to outsmart them. A routine cheap shot on Kurt Angle to follow.
   More fillers, including Joseph Park @ OVW, where's he's going to become a wrestler. Hardy & Storm verus a couple of Aces&Eights scumbags, so lots of suffering for the good guys, 2 more scumbags joined in without getting their mates DQ'd, and the gang of scumbags was defeated.
   A whinge from A.J. Styles. RVD versus Kenny King (Who?) was lots of athletic leaping and finished with some dirty work by the upstart. Jesse, Tara's BF, versus Blubber Dudley involved lots of pain for Jessie. Then more fillers to close.

[Wednesday, 19th] MNF replay [BBC iPlayer] The Jets @ the Titans. The Jets had marginally more offence in the first half, and their D blocked a Titans' FG try. But the Jets were able to manage just a FG whilst the Titan's No. 28 Johnson rushed 94 yards for a TD to leave the Titans 3-7 ahead at half time.
   The Jets kept alternating Sanchez and Tebow. They managed a go-ahead TD toward the end of Q3. 10-7. Which left enough time for Locker to run in a TD for the Titans! 10-14. The Jets looked threatening as the final minutes trickled by. But Sanchez was picked off at the TT 2 throwing a daft pass! The Titans kicked a v. short punt to their 25, but a botched snap went to the Titans. The ugly end.
100 Million BC (2008) [18:10, Syfy+1] The US navy's Project Rainbow was an experiment in stealth technology during WW II. Frank, the head boffin, sent brother Eric and a team 70 million (not 100 million) years into the past. They got stuck but Frank thinks he can bring them back after 59 years; which turns out to be after 6 years for Eric & Co.
   A few guys get eaten, the important people get home but Frank brings a carnivorous dinosaur with him. The monster rampages through L.A.'s back streets at night. Eric comes up with a plan to trap it in the 3rd Street tunnel. Frank gets himself rejuvenated and chucks the wormhole generator into the monster to send it back where it came from. Problem solved. Frank takes some of the survivors back to 1950 to resume interrupted lives but Eric decides he'd rather stay in 2008.
Elementary [20:00, Living] Holmes has a bit of a sniffle. He's called to a body dump; Prof. Trent. Watson has a client, Liam, in trouble and slopes off. The dead prof. was gambling in Chinatown. Liam did a hit & run but he doesn't remember it. Holmes finds the murder scene and CCTV of the killer.
   The prof.'s PA is accused of hiring the hit-man. Holmes goes after the widow next, but she's a battered wife, the prof. was terminal with cancer and he tried to make suicide by hitman look like murder by his wife, whom he never actually married, so she gets to marry the P.A. Holmes also gets Liam off.
Desperado (1995) [21:00, 5USA] A guy in a bar tells a story about a BIG Mexican who did in a bar full of world-class terrorists, and who's heading for that bar. A guy walks into the same bar and tells a story. A guy with a guitar case arrives for a HUGE shoot-out. He leaves a message for the local crime boss among the bodies. He's a man on a mission to kill drug dealers.
   A crazy guy flings lots of knives around but he gets himself killed. The boss tries to wipe out the vigilante, and the lady from the book store, who patched up the vigilante and who gets 50 grands per year for looking after packages (of drugs).
   The vigilante doesn't take a clear shot at the gang boss. Two more guys with weapons in guitar cases show up and get killed in a HUGE battle. The vigilante is the local crime boss's brother, and the boss ends up dead.

[Thursday, 20th] Warehouse 13 Xmas Show [20:00, SyfyHD] Pete & Myka hope to get home for the holiday but an evil Santa does a home invasion and that's them grounded and on a job. The invaded guy, Larry, is closing down ratty old shops for a mall and he's been neglecting his family. Claudia reunites Artie and his Dad. Larry has to be saved from a pushy alter-ego. Then the warehouse staff have an Xmas party with a monster turkey.
Super Cyclone (2011) [21:00, SyfyHD] An ocean drilling rig hits magma and Catalina Island off southern California erupts. The NOAA starts to track a mega-storm. Dr. Sparks is doing storm-killing experiments using nanoflakes of silver iodide. Her ship gets a taste of the storm near the drilling rig.
   Heat from the lava is boiling the sea and creating a storm with 5x the power of Katriona! A cyclone which will wreck the entire West Coast of the USA! Some crew try to get off the rig but they're boiled alive in the sea. There's no way California can prepare for a storm of this size so Dr. Sparks has to stop it. A NOAA Global Warming Swindler starts going on about climate change when the super cyclone is the product of a super volcano.
   California is hit by floods, twisters and flaming hail! A bozo with a gun gets in Dr. Sparks' way and she half-kills him! She finally gets to the military but the crazy pilot who is sent to dump silver iodide into the storm is wiped out. Dr. Sparks and the engineer from the drilling rig decide to plug the volcano by pouring liquid nitrogen down the borehole. The lava flow is cut off and the storm loses its driving power. And California is saved!

[Friday, 21st] The Mental Case [21:00, 5HD] Jane met the culb boss Stiles in a cinema. Stiles owed him a favour, which turned out to be getting Lorelei out of her Federal gaol. Kirlkand of Homeland Security went to the CBI. Jane made it look like he'd been abducted by Lorelei.
   Lorelei's Mom told Agent Lisbon that she had sold her other daughter, Miranda, 30 years before. Miranda was raped and left to take 2 days to die 5 years before. Jane believes that Red John did it. Lorelei didn't believe this, so Jane helped her to get away and told her to come back to him when she knew the truth.

[Saturday, 22nd] Dalziel & Pascoe [17:00, Alibi+1] The sunburnt fat controller got back from a holiday in Australia to find that the airline had lost his case containing his house and car keys, and the police station had been closed down by the Great Asbestos Swindle.
   Meanwhile, Declan, a pissant student, was killed at the university, apparently by animal rights terrorists. His family had been getting death threats and their car had gone up in flames. A firm working to rejuvenate skin cells hoped to recruit him; to the chagrin of his lady professor, who was doing work for the firm.
   The terrorists put 2 infiltraitors into a trial of the treatment to try to sabotage it. Declan's dad died in an arson attack. The lady prof. was done in next. Pascoe thought she was fiddling her too-perfect results, so he got his doctor girlfriend on the job. One of the saboteurs deserted the drug trial (her daughter was another terrorist) and the other started to croak.
   Pascoe found a meth factory. The terrorists were rolled up. Matty the Meth murderer was also rolled up. And also lethal Layla, the PhD student, who had wasted 2½ years working on the prof.'s filled project. Then the Aussies decided that Dalziel was too old for a job there.
Midsomer Murders [Ghosts of Christmas Past, 21:00, ITV 3] A family gathers at the big, old, dropping-to-bits house for Xmas; a real bunch of weirdos, including a long-lost brother and a nosy kid, to whom the late Uncle Ferdy's magic studio is out of bounds. Aunt Lydia gets stuck in the garage and she ends up looking like a dotty old lady. Then she throws herself down the stairs and ends up in hospital.
   DCI Tom Barnaby gets a history of the suicide of Uncle Ferdy, who hired the loathesome and thieving Claire as his magical assistant. Aunt Lydia croaks and there is a general death threat flying around. Claire killed herself after Ferdy, Barnaby is told.
   He wants the traditional Boxing Day shoot called off but Jennifer gets an exploding shotgun. Mr. Jones, the prestidigitator, becomes a suspect. He turns out to be Claire's brother, so case solved. And Barnady gets his own back on his family's grumpy old man.

[Sunday, 23rd] Monday Night Football on Saturday replay [BBC iPlayer] The Falcons in Detroit. Nothing much on the opening drives, and the Lions turned the ball over after a big gain by Johnson on their 2nd drive. And that led to a 44 yard TD pass to White. 7-0. The Lions replied with a short FG by Hanson as the half ended. 7-3.
   The Falcons marched down the field to another TD for White in Q2. 14-3. After some inconclusive stuff, the Lions fumbled the ball away again with 4 minutes of the quarter left. Ryan to Jones for the next TD. 21-3. Which left the Lions with enough time for a FG. 21-6.
   In Q3, the Lions stopped the Falcons and marched to their 1 yard line. Easy run over the line by 25. 21-12. The Lions added to their score with a FG early in Q4 for 21-15. The Falcons' offence continued to splutter under attack by relentless swarms of Lions, but they managed a short pass to Palmer for a TD. 28-16.
   The Falcons added a FG to their tally for 31-16. Calvin Johnson took the single season receiving yards record from Jerry Rice. The Lions blew up at the Falcons' 2 but they did manage a safety when the Falcons tried to run the ball. 31-18 final. The Falcons are now top seed in the NFC.
NFL Sunday [17:30, Sky Sports 2] The Bengals at the Steelers. Atkins sacked Roethlisberger, Timmons then Keisel got to ... it's not Palmer any more, that bloke with dark red hair. The Steelers' 3rd drive ended in a pick/6 for Hall, 7-0. In Q2, a running into the punter penalty gave the Steelers a 4th & 1 to make, but the drive ended with a bad snap and a failed FG try. A FG as the half ran out put the Bengals 10-0 up. The Steelers had a couple of minute left. They needed only one of them to get a 60 yard TD pass to Wallace. 10-7.
   Dalton's first play of Q3 was picked off by 28 of the Steelers, but nothing from it. Atkins and Timmons got more sacks. The Steelers reached the CB red zone, Johnson got a sack but the Steelers managed to level the scores at 10 with a FG. Polamalu joined the sack club.
   In Q4, the Bengals fumbled the ball away, Atkins got another sack and 90 got one back on Dalton. A sack by 91 of the CB was wiped out by holding. Brown tried a 56 yard FG for the Bengals but was short. 3 minutes left. Suisham couldn't manage a 53 yard kick for the PS. R'berger was intercepted at the PS 46 with 14 seconds left, and Brown made a 43 yard FG. 13-10 and the Bengals into the playoffs!!
Over to the Giants at the Ravens [21:25, Sky Sports 2] The Giants went 3 & out. The Ravens got all the way to the NJG 5 then the refs said they turned the ball over. WRONG. Flacco fired a TD pass to T. Smith. 0-7. A 43 yard pass to Smith got the Ravens to the NJG 1, and Flacco did a QB sneak. 0-14. A 43 yard pass by Manning and a TD run from Wilson closed the gap to 7-14.
   In Q2, Natta got a sack on Manning. Rice rushed 19 yards and Boldin took a pass 39 yards on 3rd & 18!! A TD pass was taken away by the useless refs, so just a FG for the Ravens. 7-17. The Giants self-destructed. Flacco to Rice for another TD, 7-24. 51 sacked Manning. Half time.
   The Ravens were held to a FG with 5 minutes of Q3 left. 7-27. Brown sacked Manning. The Ravens kicked another FG in Q4. 7-30. Pierce almost made the NJG end zone; he was stopped at the 1 after a 78 yard run. Flacco was sacked by 94 and the Ravens kicked a FG. 7-33. Manning managed a consolation TD pass to Hixon. 14-33 when the massacre ended.

[Monday, 24th] Inspector Alleyn Mysteries [Artists In Crime, 19:00, AlibiHD] A painter doing a portrait of the king (GVIR) just after WW II hanged himself, so DCI Alleyn was called back from holiday because he is posh and knows about arty stuff. The deceased was being blackmailed by the model Sonia, who was found murdered at Agatha Troy's art seminar.
   Julian, an opium smoker, was the 1st suspect and he did a runner. Troy told Alleyn that Julian is a female impersonator. Sgt. Fox thought Miss Troy was being blackmailed. No. Buckets of other suspects. Sonia was pregnant. Justin was busted after bashing a bogey, but he was allowed to walk.
   Mr. Garcia was found drugged up and dead with nitric acid poured down his throat. The posh Mr. Pilgrim got the works, then Val, his fiancée, who was the killer! Garcia was another blackmailer. Val killed everyone who looked likely to get in the way of her plan to marry a guy who would inherit a title.

[Tuesday, 25th] SNF replay [4oD] The 49ers in wet Seattle. The 49ers were sent 3 & out, the Seahawks marched to a TD run by Lynch. 0-7. After stopping the 49ers, the SH drove to the SF 8 and Lynch took a TD pass. 0-14. The 49ers survived a fumble on their first play, and they benefitted from a bad-call, 3-flag penalty to get to the SH 10.
   In Q2, SF had a FG try blocked and Sherman ran the ball back for a SH TD! 0-21. Crowd noise helped to stop the 49ers but Willis picked a tipped pass at the Seattle 16. Akers managed the FG this time. 3-21. The SH battled to a TD pass from Wilson to McCoy. 3-28. The 49ers raced down the field with the half running out, a sack by Wright left them with 4th & 23, but Akers made a 54 yard FG in the rain. 6-28.
   The Seahawks had to punt away their start to Q3, but they mugged Manningham and recovered a fumble. The SH reached the SF 4, TD pass to Baldwin? Yes. 6-35.
   The 49ers got close but Kaepernick was picked in the SH end zone by Sherman! Another scoring drive, another TD pass to Baldwin. 6-42. The 49ers got a consolation TD during the last 2 minutes, juggle, juggle, well, okay. 13-42.

[Wednesday, 26th] The Two Thousand Year Old Computer [19:0, BBC 4] takes a close look at the Antikythera Mechanism, which was made in 2nd century BC Greece, found in 1900 by sponge divers and investigated effectively in the late 20th century and into the 21st. It was a precision geared device made long before conventional wisdom thought such things possible.
   Modern X-ray techniques allow the creation of 3D images of the much corroded fragments, and modern imaging techniques make it possible to read inscriptions on the parts. In contrast to all the high-powered computing, the work of Michael Wright, ex-Science Museum model maker, has shown that making the gears is possible with simple hand tools.
   It is now believed that the machine could be used to predict the date, hour and type of solar and lunar eclipses, and the gearing system allowed the movements of the planets, if revolving around the Earth, to be displayed. The device was made in Corinth or a colony. The device was found on the wreck of a Roman ship, so Archimedes, who was murdered in Syracuse by looting Romans, was credited with the design.
The Royal Institution Christmas Lectures 2012: The Modern Alchemist [Air: The Elixir of Life, 20:00, BBC 4] The science is a bit dodgy at times, and it ranges through the entire periodic table rather than sticking to the components of air, but the demonstrations kept the audiences in the RI and at home entertained and, no doubt, everyone came out of the programme better informed. Another excellent addition to an excellent series of programmes. More tomorrow.
The Terminators (2009) [21:00, Zone Horror] The TR androids on a space station start to butcher the human crew and gangs of them head for the Earth. The fail-safes don't work and the units won't shut down. The machines start killing the people around them, they're bulletproof and they've been reprogrammed.
   The humans start behaving like idiots. Surprise! There's a guy with a Terminator killer-gun in a small community. Just the one. He knows how to stop the TRs: destroy the space station which controls them. An ill-assorted group, led by the local sheriff, set off to do this. An attempt to steal a shuttle flops.
   Surprise! The sheriff is a machine; an old unit which isn't self-aware, unlike the TR5s; and the guy with the Terminator-gun was watching him. Some of the humans head for the control room when they eventually reach the space station. The rest pratt about aimlessly. The "rescue force" is a big help! But the machines are switched off eventually.

[Thursday, 27th] The Man Who Discovered Egypt [19:00, BBC 4] is a celebration of the life and work of Sir Flinders Petrie, the man who created Egyptology and set new standards for excavation, recording of finds and setting them in the context of a dig. The presenter kept disappearing down small alleys in London to visit the headquarters of societies which keep Sir Flindes' memory alive and store his collections, which ended when the Egyptian government got possessive about its past, and Sir Flinders remains well respected in his profession.
The Royal Institution Christmas Lectures 2012: The Modern Alchemist [Water: The Fountain of Youth, 20:00, BBC 4] Dr. Peter Wothers gave some Fountain of Life spring water from Florida to ancient Tim, but it didn't do him any good. Then he exploded a balloon of hydrogen to make some water, and burnt pure hydrogen in medical oxygen to make a drinkable amount of horrible-tasting water.
   Splitting water into its components was an early objective. Dr. Pete had fun with alkali metals and halogens, including reacting caesium with fluorine (in v. small amounts). He finished off by exploding a hydrogen-oxygen mixture in tubing threaded around the roof space of the lecture theatre to create more water with a flash and a bang.
Blood Work (2002, Clint Eastwood) [21:00, AlibiHD] A FBI agent Terry had a heart attack while chasing a suspect. He got a heart transplant and shuffled off into retirement. The sister of the donor contacted him, wanting to know who had killed her sister.
   Terry harassed the cop on the case, who said it was just a 2-bit robbery gone bad. Except, there was a similiar crime: a guy shot at an ATM and a good Samaritan phoning for an ambulance. Terry went to a lady sheriff, who owed him a favour. His doctor ordered him to stop investigating for the sake of his new heart, and sacked Terry when he carried on.
   Terry harassed a Russian suspect, who obligingly did a runner. Helped by his pal Buddy, Terry looked for a link between the 2 victims. The cops found the Russian; with the murder weapon and murdered. Case closed, said the cop. No way, said Terry.
   He made a connection of rare blood types and transplants between the 2 victims and himself. The killer got his car shot up. Surprise! Crazy Buddy was the bad guy. And he kidnapped the sister and her nephew. He was smarter than Terry but, luckily, not smarter than the heart-donor's sister, who got to dunk him and drown him after Terry had shot him up a bit.

[Friday, 28th] The Royal Institution Christmas Lectures 2012: The Modern Alchemist [Earth: The Philosopher's Stone, 20:00, BBC 4] The ancient alchemists used to think everything was made of Earth, Water, Air and Fire. Thanks to BBC dumbing down, there are only 3 lectures and Fire got the bullet.
   Dr. Pete weighed a young lady using gold, helped by the Nobel Prize-winner for fullerenes, and burnt graphite and diamond. He progressed from diamond to iron to Thermit, and metals other than gold. Then he reached radioactive decay and making gold out of bismuth. Then on to magnets and superconductors to finish.
The Da Vinci Code (2006) [21:00, 5*] Robert Langdon, an American professor, was called by a French FBI-equivalent agent to look at a Paris museum curator with symbols carved on his body. Sophie, a French cop and the dead guy's grand-daughter, warned him that the FBI-guy was out to frame Bob for the murder. There was also a masochistic killer called Silas around.
   Apparently, there was a gang of religious fanatics who thought that Jesus and Mary were married, and their daughter was supposed to carry on Jesus's cult, not the upstart Peter, who was picked by the Catholic church on the basis of pick 'n' mix from the historical record. veryone pretended that Leonardo da Vinci and the Knights Templar knew all about their fantasy, and there were clues all over the place.
   Bob & Sophie end up at the chateau of Lee, Bob's elderly English pal, who told them that nutters in the Catholic church wanted to find Mary's sacrophagus so they could destroy her remains to frustrate DNA testing. They also wanted to wipe out the Jesus 'n' Mary blood line.
   Nutter after nutter oozed out of the woodwork. Lee turned out to be another nutter. Bob & Sophie followed the trail to England but didn't find the sarcophagus. Sophie was one of the descendants, and she had a whole gang of protectors, including her grandma. At the end, Robert cut himself shaving and built a splash of blood into the delusion that Mary's sarcophagus is under the Louvre pyramid in Paris.

[Saturday, 29th] The Mental Case [Black Cherry, 5oD] Chip gets a hard time from Patrick Jane for discovering a body-dump. A gang-related killing? Then Jane pesters the relatives for tea. Out of the gang, says the widow. Cho gets to play with an assault rifle. The sister of the dead guy goes after the gang with a gun. But the cops arrive.
   The dead guy was an estate agent. The gang is busted. Jane finds the murder scene. The rest of the office staff blew away another hunter by accident, so they covered it up. The dead guy didn't go along with it so the gang did him, too.
Agatha Christie's Marple [By The Pricking Of My Thumbs, 19:00, ITV 3] Tommy's Aunt Ada died at her nursing home and Mrs. Lancaster was kidnapped from the place, leaving behind a painting of a witch's cottage. Tuppence, Tommy's alcoholic wife, and Miss Marple went in search of the source of the painting. They arrived in a village full of weirdos.
   A child died there in 1926. A car belonging to Sir Philip at the Big House was used in the kidnapping. Tommy, who works for MI6, found that Aunt Ada was poisoned. Tuppence got ratted with the vicar. Nellie, his wife, became the prime suspect but she was done in. The vicar summoned everyone for a confessional session.
   He knew who killed Lilly. Miss Marple worked out that the killer was Sir Philip's dead and crazy wife. No, she's alive and Mrs. Lancashire! She killed everyone and she tried to kill Tuppence. So Tommy busted her. And Tuppence became a reformed alcoholic.
Midsomer Murders [Death In Chorus, 21:00, ITV 3] Connor, an artist, had his home violated, he collapsed at choir practice (where Mrs. Tom Barnaby was on duty) and he was done in at home. Spur of the moment, Sgt. Jones decided. Barnaby got interested in a lurker in the churchyard; a red herring rival choirmaster, who was spying.
   Everyone in the choir got a death threat note. Sgt. Jones was infiltrated into it. A twitcher was blown away and dumped in the churchyard: shot on the estate he was fired from. The husband of the lady owner of the estate was obviously dodgy. Someone nicked a photo from Connor's home. The lady of the manor was being drugged by her husband.
   Has her husband stolen her famous painting? Connor wanted to run away with the choirmaster's wife. The rival was done for issuing death threats. Her husband tried to turn the lady of the manor into Ophelia, but Barnaby saved her. Jones discovered that Connor had done time for art forgery. Barnaby set a trap and Mr. Clark fell into it. Connor had copied the famous painting and then tried to do the dirty on his partners.

[Sunday, 30th] NFL Sunday [17:30, Sky Sports 2] The Bears in Detroit, where they had to win to put the Giants out of the playoffs. The Bears started dramatically but fizzled out, and the Lions went ahead with a FG. Another big pass play, Cutler to Bennett, put the Bears ahead 7-3. Mugging the Lions' kick-off return man let Forte break 1,000 yards rushing for the season but just a FG for the Bears. 10-3. The Bears finished the 1st quarter with a sack on Stafford.
   The Lions' defence stiffened. Mare missed a FG try badly. Stafford was mugged, Peppers returned the ball to the DL 10 and Forte made the end zone. 17-3. Stafford threw a pass straight to Jenning, Jeffery almost made a TD catch but the Bears were held to another FG. 20-3. The Lions raced into FG range as the half ran out, and a TD pass to Durham got them to 20-10.
   A TD pass to Heller in Q3 made the score 20-17. The Bears punted again but got the ball back from a DL fumble and kicked a FG. 23-17. Another FG in Q4 of a remarkably penalty-free match put the Bears 26-17 up. A late hit on Stafford saved the Lions from punting, and 2 passes to Robiskie finished the DL drive. 26-24. The Bears were able to chew up the clock, Calvin Johnson didn't reach 2,000 receiving yards, and the Bears' playoff hopes remained alive.
Next up [21:21, SS2], the Packers at the Vikings, who had to win to replace the Bears in the playoffs and deny the Pack a 1st round bye. The Vikings went ahead with a 54 yard FG. The Pack had to challenge to get a sack for Matthews but the Vikings marched on to a TD run by Peterson, who was hoping to break Eric Dickerson's single-season rushing yards record. 0-10. Peterson made a 4th & 1 for the Vikings at the end of Q1.
   Another FG for the Vikings in Q2 and Allen sacked Rodgers. Ross made his 2nd big kick return of the quarter, Jennings blew a TD catch in the MV end zone but he got a second change. 7-13. Bad officiating helped the Vikings to a TD pass to Wright. 7-20 with a minute left. Griffin got a sack but Crosby managed a 51 yard FG!! 10-20.
   Griffen got a sack after Rodgers was tripped but Jennings took a pass 45 yards and he was wide open for a TD pass. 17-20. AP hit 2,000 rushing yards on the way to a Vikings' punt. But they stripped the ball from Rodgers at midfield, and a Peterson fumble call was wiped out on review. TD pass to AP, 17-27. Jones got a TD back for the Pack after a lot of messing about. 24-27.
   Green Bay drew level with a FG in Q4. A huge pass from Ponder to Wright and the Pack gave away a TD with penalties. 27-34. Sack for 97. The Pack had to make a 4th down and Nelson took a TD pass. 34-34! A last-second FG put the Vikings into the playoffs, and the Dickerson record survived for another year.

[Monday, 31st] Inspector Alleyn Mysteries [Dead Water, 19:00, AlibiHD] The Pixie Falls on a remote Scottish island cured a kid's warts and one of the inmates, Miss Cost, tried to cash in. The island was owned by the lady who taught Alleyn conversational French during the war and she got a death threat when she tried to stop the commercialization.
   Alleyn and Troy joined Miss Pride, who blamed Miss Cost for her sister's dead. Miss Cost was killed in the pixie pool. Mistaken for Miss Pride? The vicar's wife said Miss Cost was a sex maniac and Peeping Petunia. Inspector Fox found her secret diaries.
   Alleyn rejected the drunken major, who was smoking at the murder scene, in favour of the doctor, who was being stalked by Miss Cost. He obligingly shot himself; case closed. Then Alleyn proposed to Troy.
Jonathan Creep [The Judas Tree, 21:00, AlibiHD] Two drunken birds out for a drive saw a disappearing cottage and one ran away from an injured man in a field. In the present, an old house had an unsolved supernatural murder in its past. Mr. Creep, meanwhile, was visited by Joey, his paranormal website lady, and she became Adam's new assistant.
   J.C. almost shagged Emily, one of the girls who saw the disappearing cottage, and she worked at the old house. She contacted Joey and got Mr. Creep on the job. The lady of the house, Harriet Dore, had a death threat, like the one from the unsolved murder.
   Harriet duly croaked; but after saying Emily did it. In court, Mr. Creep tried to show she had been framed but Emily still went down for murder. J.C. and Joey went back to the house. Surprise! Harriet wasn't dead. Emily and her pal had mugged the brother of Harriet's husband to get his car on the day they saw the disappearing cottage, and got away with murder in court.
   Hugo and Harriet had grabbed Emily's partner in crime, and she was spiked on the railings, swapped for Harriet for the "dying" accusation and swapped back for the ambulance crew. Emily no longer remembered killing Danny, so she stayed in gaol, bewildered.

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Sole © Clyde E. Wydey, 2012.