December 2009

[Tuesday, 01st] Special Unit 2 [The Rocks, 19:00, Zone Horror] A couple of Gorgons were calcifying people with their snake venom and O'Malley was up for cutting some heads off. He went cruising in a club but Benson, who was getting a second chance with the love of her life, managed to plug only one of the snakeheads. Then Ian proposed.
   O'Malley was bitten by a Gorgon snake and ended up too rigid to move. Ian got loaded with the Gorgon, who lost her head when Benson found them. O'Malley got the antidote, Ian got dumped and Jonathan lost his lust for field work.
Stargate Continuum (2008) SG1, General O'Neill and Vala went watch the Goa'uld Baal being extracted from his host. Only back in 1939, Baal took over the ship bringing the stargate from Egypt to Boston, people started disappearing, including Teal'c, at the extraction, O'Neill was killed and Mitchell, Carter & Jackson ended up on the ship with the stargate, stranded somewhere in the Arctic.
   When they were rescued, they found themselves in an alternate time line where the stargate programme hadn't happened. No one wanted them to restore the time line. A year later, a Goa'uld fleet arrived at Earth to take over. Baal, now boss of the System Lords, took out the other stargate in the Antarctic and the weapon there, but Baal took them out.
   Qadesh, Vala's Goa'uld, killed Baal and headed for Praxis and Baal's time machine. Teal'c joined forces with SG1 to get there ahead of her via the other stargate, which the Russians had found. Carter fired it up while the others had a shooting match. Only Col. Mitchell got out alive. He went back to 1929, and foiled Baal in 1939 to make sure that the stargate got to Boston, and the extraction of the Baal Goa'uld from his host went ahead.
CSI:Miami [Collateral Damage, 21:00, Channel 5] A grenade attack was made on a family birthday party at a restaurant. No one saw nuffink. A waitress won't talk because Child Services have kidnapped her kids. Another grenade fell out of a body bag and blew up the morgue! And Wolfe saw Tara, the ME, scrambling to pick up hundreds of pills. A witness comes up with a yellow car.
   Horatio tried to find the waitress's baby sitter, Maria. The Cheesies track down the yellow car and Det. Frank comes under fire. The Cheesies uncover a counterfeit credit card racket. The restaurant owner was supplying the numbers and the kid who arranged the party, whose father was killed, was making the cards. He was threatened by the Russians who are trying to intimidate the Cheesies.
   The bloke who tossed the grenades walked. The boss of the restaurant was behind the child-minding scam, so the waitress got her kids back and his insurance money.

[Wednesday, 02nd] Special Unit 2 [The Drag, 19:00, Zone Horror] Two grave robbers release a Native American dragon, which threatens to cause a 2nd Chicago Fire. Luckily, Carl is on record as a dragon slayer; but only by accident. O'Malley & Benson harass George Armstrong, a Custer descendant, suspecting him of having commissioned the theft of a necklace buried with a Indian princess, who was sacrificed to placate the dragon after the 1st Chicago Fire.
   When Carl burgles Armstrong's gaff, the necklace turns out to have fake stones! The Indian lady administrator admits selling them to prop up the tribe's failing finances. Luckily, Carl manages to slay this new dragon by accident after it buries the Indian lady, so all's well.
Trial By Fire (2008) [21:00, Sci-Fi] Firefighter Kristen Scott's dad, the local fire chief, is killed when he goes into a house fire with her on his last day. Kris's jealous sister blames her and the other firefighters, especially her jealous team leader, don't want her around. So Kris decks Crandall, and while she's on suspension, she tries out for the elite Smoke Jumpers, who didn't want Crandall.
   Mom goes ballistic when she finds out what's going on but Kris carries on with the training. Team leader Milligan gets his team killed jumping at night in bad conditions. Kris gets to rescue him. Then her stupid niece gets herself locked in a toilet with a forest fire approaching and Kris has to save the whole family.
   At the end, she gets to show Crandall that she made it as a Smoke Jumper, which he failed to do, and she gets a bit of respect.

[Thursday, 03rd] Special Unit 2 [The Beast, 19:00, Zone Horror] The agents come up against Jack the Ripper the Ogre, who's been at it for 700 years. Det. Scott, who's evicted from the case, offers to help Agent Benson. He thinks the perp isn't human; and he ought to know – it's him! As Benson finds out when she goes undercover as a hooker and is taken prisoner. Luckily, O'Malley figures out what's going on in time to save Benson and Carl's internet date is a total disaster.
The Detonators [20:00, Discovery] Two jobs: a 640 foot steel-reinforced concrete chimney in Ohio and a decaying brick chimney in Chicago. Both had to be dropped into a small area, both had buildings or features which weren't to be harmed close by. The experts had the usual fun back at the lab blowing up small versions.
   The brick chimney was supposed to telescope and fall into its own footprint. But things didn't go quite to play and a few garages were taken out. The concrete chimney, toppled like a tree, went a bit off course, but landed in the target area and, unusually, it walked forward about 10 feet from its base.

[Friday, 04th] Special Unit 2 [The Wall, 19:00, Zone Horror] There's a link at Kate's old school and O'Malley went to a reunion with her; Benson had made a fool of herself panicking about the link at the prom. Jonathan reckoned the link lived in walls and it had become hostile and started attacking people because they were pulling the school down.
   Meanwhile, Carl went on holiday with the Chief and went all house-proud in a cabin. Benson went looking for the link as Jonathan was telling her there would be a whole pack of them. But O'Malley knocked them all out with feed-back and SU2's special forces cleaned up.
Murdoch Mysteries [Convalescence, 20:00, Alibi] Harris, a convict fugitive, was in Trono and Murdoch invented night vision goggles just before he fell off a building while chasing a murder suspect. Dr. Ogden, Mrs. Jones and his neighbours rallied round to look after him. The dead guy was the owner of Chez Pierre, he had an obnoxious, French-speaking parrot, and Crabtree was promoted to detective to tackle the case.
   Murdoch started hearing bumps and thumps and he had a good case of delirium. Mainly, because one of the nice old ladies was drugging him. She was in league with Harris, who was looking for loot stashed in the house. Murdoch used his night-vision goggles to sort them out and the parrot helped Crabtree to solve his case.
NCIS [Child's Play, 21:00, FX] A dead Marine corporal was parked in a scarecrow in a cornfield, and it was coming up to Thanksgiving. The Marine was a bodyguard to a bunch of gifted kids, who were working for the US government. The killer stole 2 collages from Angela's room; collages into which she had coded military secrets. And her mom was getting rich.
   The cash came from dead Deborah, the sister of the head of the institute. Angela was parked at Dr. Mallard's but did a runner. She went home, the killer was waiting for her but NCIS were there, too, and the killer ended up dead. Then Duckie was able to get everyone round to his place for his 20 lb turkey.

[Saturday, 05th] There was a contract out on the A Team [Deadly Maneuvers, 19:00, Bravo] who were in training. The hitman put on a Hannibal-type disguise to deliver poisoned milk for BA & Hannibal. Face fell into a honey trap and Murdoch was trapped with a cute doggie. BA was captured, Hannibal got away with Amy's help.
   The prisoners staged a gaol break, which flopped. Hannibal started World War 5 with Doug Kyle and invited him to come after the A Team at their hideout. But the bad guys didn't do too well.
Rosemary & Thyme [The Gangoozlers, 20:00, ITV 3] Working for a gardening programme at Vernon's big house, Rosie stood in for the lady presenter, fell off some scaffolding and ended up with a broken leg. A journalist was done in and the police made the presenter their prime suspect but Laura recruited Quinnie as her Watson.
   Vernon's car went up in smoke but Laura found he was involved in a big Aussie bank fraud, and Vern & his missus thought that Rosie was the investigative journalist, which was why she was attacked. But Laura & her new sidekick got in the way of Vern's getaway via the canal.
TNA Impact [21:00, Bravo] Wolfe with a rant, then he ambushed Kurt Mangled and bounced him around in a steel cage. Doug Williams (another Brit) versus Alex Shelley was move and counter, lots of booting by Shelley and a victory for the Yank. Then a duel of the cides; Homi & Sui. Sui started with some wrestling, Homi got to bashing but it was wrestling wot wunnit and the Pope stopped the sore losership.
   Mohawk Jesse bashed the Pope about but the Pope had bunged the scriptwriter more. And Suicide broke up the post-match cheap-shotting. Beer Money versus Nash & Eric Young was a brawl and a shambles, which went to a swindle right under the ref's nose by Eric. Mrs. Lashley with a rant. Daniels & Abyss had a joke match.
   Hamada versus Sarita was fast & furious, and another Hamada Driver finished off the other half of the tag champs. Angle versus Wolfe? No, Dr. Stevie & Raven together stood in for the dastardly Brit. So more of a mangling for Kurt until Abyss took out Stevie and Raven ended up in an Angle Lock. Then Wolfe splatted Angle a bit more.

[Sunday, 06th] NFL Sunday [18:04, Sky Sports 2] The Jaguars started okay on the Jacksonville skid pan, survived a sack and kicked a FG. 0-3. Schaub was sacked and hurt on his first play, giving Grossman an unexpected run-out and Smith an interception. But the Texans' defence stopped the Jags at their goal line.
   In the 2nd quarter, Garrard found Grove with a 35 yard TD pass for 0-10. A TD pass to Wilford extended the lead to 0-17. Then Schaub returned for an 11-play drive and a TD run by Brown. 7-17. The Jags went into their 2-minute drill and added a FG to their tally. 7-20.
   In the 3rd quarter, the Texans punted to the JX 2 and sacked Garrard in the end zone for a safety. 9-20. The Jags got the ball back by crunching a receiver and making the ball bounce to the defence. Garrard was sacked for the 4th time and the Jags kicked a FG. 9-23.
   The Texans started the 4th quarter 12-23 down after a FG. Then they were daft enough to give a red zone trick play to the halfback Brown, who tossed a pass straight to a DB with no white shirts anywhere close. The Texans managed a TD with 4 minutes left but the extra point try was NG. 18-23 and the Jags were able to run the clock out.
Next, over to the Cowboys at the Giants. [21:17, Sky Sports 2] Defences ruled the 1st quarter. The Cowboys scored first with a FG after a 3rd down sack on Romo. 3-0. Ratliffe forced a fumble by Bradshaw, the Cowboys got the ball and marched on to a TD pass to Williams. 10-0.
   3 plays, 3 first downs for the Giants, and a TD pass to Nicks to finish. 10-7. Then the Giants stripped the ball from Barber and recovered it at the DC 28. Smith went to the 2 in two plays and Jacobs got the TD. 10-14. Folk tried a 57-yard FG kick for the Cowboys with 1 second of the half left. Not even close.
   Manning was picked in the Dallas end zone to stop the Giants. The Cowboys had to punt but their next possession went to a TD pass for Williams. 17-14. One play, a TD pass to Jacobs, 74 yards and it survived a challenge. 17-21! The Cowboys missed a 42 yard FG try. The Giants had to kick a FG after Smith dropped a pass in the Dallas end zone. 17-24.
   The Cowboys had to punt and Hix returned the kick 79 yards for a TD! 17-31, 5½ minutes left. The Cowboys managed a TD pass to Austin with 58 seconds left but their on-side kick try didn't work.

[Monday, 07th] Special Unit 2 [The Straw, 19:00, Zone Horror] was looking for a scarecrow link, about which absolutely nothing was known and O'Malley was on an anger management course. A contact told Carl that the link ate fear and it had to be drained by a display of courage. Alice was feeling stressed out from all the covering up needed.
   The scarecrow caused at panic at a cinema and tasted death. Benson bashed a bureaucrat for info on the link. The scarecrow went after a nuclear plant, but our heroes were up to the job of facing it down, blowing it away and preventing a meltdown.
2012: The Final Prophecy [20:00, National Geographic] Some idiots think the world will end on 2012/12/21 because that's when one of the long cycles of the Mayan calendar ends (and another cycle starts). Catastrophic pole shifts in the Earth's past were tossed in as a filler to be dismissed. And would the Maya know about a pole shift 800 million years ago?
   In fact, all the Maya created was a creation myth, which no sensible person would take more seriously than any other myth of the same type. They build their calendar around interesting astromonical events of no consequence to the fate of the planet, and they predicted a giant crocodile would drown the planet.
   Some 5,200 years ago, there was a sudden global big freeze at the start of the current Mayan calendar cycle. And the message of the programme seems to be that if there was a big freeze at the start of the cycle, there could be a Global Warming Swindle at the end of it and the crocodile will get us!!
NUMB3RS [Power, 21:00, Five US] A woman claimed she'd been raped by an LAPD officer after she'd destroyed all the evidence. The Feds had 551 suspects, and Larry & Amita were staying with the Eppes, so the place was rather crowded. Rita was bullied into picking out a cop, the wrong guy, Charlie reduced the suspects to 12 but it turned out that they were looking at the wrong PD.
   Everyone did some more thrashing about and, eventually, the Feds found a guy to pin the crimes on, and he also gave them a chase and a shoot-out to liven things up. Would Megan get to shoot him? Nope.
Burn Notice [Good Soldier, 22:00, FX] Mike penetrated the building the sniper would be using and found that the target would be on a ferry. Carla showed up and Sam bugged her bike. Campbell, Fee's boyfriend, came up with a client. Henry, who worked for a bodyguard company, was being threatened into joining in a kidnap plot organized for a big oil company.
   Nate started a limo company, Mom had mortgaged her house, and Mike used him in the job of persuading the bad guys that the security was too tight for them. Mike searched Carla's apartment and found some goodies.
   Putting off the kidnappers was a big job but Mike eventually got them arrested. He ran some rings around Carla then the sniper was blow up at his home, the same nearly happened to Mike and Nate was busted for money laundering.

[Tuesday, 08th] Special Unit 2 [The Piper, 19:00, Zone Horror] Kids were pulling off complex robberies and SU2 tracked the problem down to a bright blue spotty blob link, which was the star of a kiddies TV show. Carl was sent in undercover and became an immediate hit.
   O'Malley attacked the link in front of an audience of kids and Alice, the PR lady, quit. Jonathan worked out how the kids were being controlled but it took some sharp shooting by O'Malley to sabotage Arnie's mind control and frustrate a plan to saw a gnome in half.
Stargate Universe [Justice, 20:00, Sky One] The disruptive Sgt. Spencer was found dead. Suicide? No, it looked like he'd been killed and Col. Young was placed in the frame. So he turned over command of Destiny to Camille, the PR lady, and she held a kangaroo court with Chloe defending Col. Young. A mad scientist sat in the chair and got his brain fried then the ship stopped at a planet, where there was the wreck of a small, alien ship.
   Eli found proof that Spencer killed himself and someone framed Col. Young; Dr. Rush. Young confronted Rush on the planet, Rush said he did it because he didn't think Young should be in charge of Destiny, so they had a fight and Young marooned Rush on the planet.
CSI:Miami [Dissolved, 21:00, Channel 5] Jimmy was chucked into his swimming pool by Ron and he boiled because it was full enough of alkali to eat glass – like that could happen! So all credibility lost right away. Ron told the cops he thought he was the intended target and crazy Julia, Kyle's mom, was off her meds.
   The Cheesies found more bodies and came up with a kidnapping. Wolfe caught the ME popping pills and her locker was full of looted meds, so she was history. Crazy Julia shot up the morgue so Horatio will have to blackmail someone to keep her out of the funny farm.
   Meanwhile, Jimmy and another guy had been involved in a robbery which had turned into a triple homicide, and Jimmy had been popped by the other guy because he'd kept shooting his mouth off. So the other guy was popped for 4 killings.

[Wednesday, 09th] Special Unit 2 [The Love, 19:00, Zone Horror] The link behind the Cupid myth, a revolting, wimpish character, did a drive-through of Chicago while being chased by the Creature from the Black Lagoon, pacified a hanging judge and left the DA worrying about Public Enemy No. 1 being allowed to walk.
   The link couldn't fly, so O'Malley, Benson & Carl had to drive him 1,000 miles back to Chicago. Luckily, the DA was able to get a continuance. O'Malley ended up loving everything and he killed the link when the Creature kidnapped it! But a trip in a helicopter brought the link back to life and the judge was restored just in the nick of time.
How Do They Do It? [20:00, Discovery] Make steel, make compost from household garbage and make Yorkshire cheese at Wensleydale.
How It's Made [20:30, Discovery] A piano accordion, pineapples: how they're grown and how they're processed into dried slices and canned products, and artificial joints by forging, casting and machining metal parts and moulding and machining plastic parts.
Blade Trinity (2004) [21:00, Film 4] Grave robbers released a monster in Syria - Dracula, the very first vampire. Blade, still slaying vamps in the States, had his HQ assaulted by the FBI and his mentor Whistler was killed. But Abi, Whistler's daughter, and her gang rescued Blade from custody and teamed up with him.
   The vamps wanted Dracula to kill Blade and Abi's mob were working on a bioweapon to kill vamps. Blade & Dracula ran about a bit and caused mayhem. The vamps hoped that Drac could turn them into Daywalkers. The plan was to use Drac's blood in the bioweapon, which might take out Blade, too.
   The two armies had a huge battle in the vamps' HQ, which was destroyed internally. The bioweapon did its job and wiped out all vamps in range. But the dying Drac told Blade they didn't need to create a new type of vampire while they had him.

[Thursday, 10th] Special Unit 2 [The Wish, 19:00, Zone Horror] SU2 was in pursuit of a genie lady, who was 97% radon. The job was to stun her when she was solid and bag evil Natalie, who was closing in on 3,000 wishes. Reaching the target would qualify her for free will and leave her free to torture humans at will. And it was Carl's birthday and he didn't look like getting a party.
   Natalie disappeared at a brewery and SU2 broke every bottle of beer in the place looking for her. Nat got Zoe, O'Malley's girlfriend, to wish him dead, but she wasn't up to the job of seeing Nick off. O'Malley ended up single again, Jonathan got a date and Carl didn't enjoy his birthday surprise.
The Detonators [21:00, Discovery] The job in Lagos was a 1974 skyscraper with fire damage which had partially collapsed the structure at the top, no room for a wrecking ball, a cathedral 18 metres away and weakening the central core out of the question. So the blasters loaded half a ton of explosives and tied the back of the building on with wire. The guys at the blast lab showed up the problems of the job.
   In North Carolina, the Charlotte Colosseum was due for the chop, and it was the first time a steel space roof was blasted. A storm rolled in to complicate things, but the blast went off perfectly. As did the job in Lagos.
WW$ Raw [22:00, Sky Sports 3] Mark Cuban, some billionaire or other, was the guest host. Carlito & Cena started, and their 'match' didn't last as long as it took Security to evict Sheamus when he strolled out. Rhodes and the 10¢ Punk + the ref versus Primo & Bourne was rather pathetically fixed.
   Gail beat up Maryslush and was swindled. Orton, on his tod, verus Kofi had Cuban as the ref, and he delivered the world's fastest pin count to swindle Orton. Henry versus Mizrabul had to go to a swindle; like an obvious lie-down job by Henry. The LGB & Eve versus Chavo & Jillian gave the blokes very little to do. So Chavo sorted out the LGB and the Musclepiece sorted Chavo out and waggled his tits at everyone.
   Jericho, on his tod, versus DX started as a beat-down then Jericho felled the ref, Big Show joined in with a steel chair then a ladder, and shambles ensued. Cena & Sheamus jawed then Sheamus zapped Cuban & Cena, and put Cuban through a table.

[Friday, 11th] Witchblade [Emergence, 19:00, Zone Horror] Homicide cop Sara Pezzini was involved in a shoot-out at a museum and she became attached to a bracelet, which wasn't listed in the museum's records. It used to belong to Joan of Arc and Kenneth Irons, a white-haired control freak with delusions of godhood, sent his highly submission minion, Ian Nottingham, to get it back.
   Irons had another candidate in mind for the Witchblade. He wanted the Witchblade, and Pezzini dead if she wouldn't surrender it, and her partner, Danny Woo, was killed.
Murdoch Mysteries [, 20:00, Alibi] The inspector's wife dumped him over his drinking and there was a dead woman; a telegraph operator like Mrs. Jones, who was recruited into Murdoch's invention of the internet chat room using the Trono telegraph system.
   Miss Williams, and lots of other women, had been swindled out of their savings by Mr. Adams, so Mrs. Jones posed as 'Molly' as part of a trap. Surprise! Adams had been dead for weeks! The boss of the telegraph company was the next prime suspect.
   Dr. Ogden found that the inspector had been taking coke in a patent alcohol addiction cure! The fiendish Miss Tipton turned out to be the killer; she did it for the money. And Mrs. Jones dumped Murdoch so Dr. Ogden is in with a chance again.
WW$mackDown! [22:30, Sky Sports 3] Punk & Luke Gallows had a battle with R-Truth & Matt Hardy to show how tough Mr. Gallows is. The Vault: MVP versus Kane. Escobar versus Jericho was a joke match with Big Show thrown in. McIntyre & Nitro larked about with the latter dressed up as Braveheart and his accent slipping from Scots to Irish.
   Kane versus Mike Knox was an unusual battle of two well-matched monsters, with Kane proving to be the more monstrous. The Divas had a tag shambles. Finally, Mysterio in a street fight with Batista was a tough time for the little bloke, most of the time, and a steel chair put Mysterio down & out, so the Undertaker put Batista to flight.

[Saturday, 12th] Rosemary & Thyme [The Italian Rapscallion, 20:00, ITV 3] The rather flaky Emma was creating an outdoor eatery in Italy. Laura found a body during a tour of posh gardens. Janice was an ex-copper turned private eye, who had tried to nick Sir Basil's wallet. Fabrizio, the local spiv, was busted for a while.
   Rosie & Laura chased after a young lady, who was working as a hooker to make ends meet, and saw Sir Basil hob-nobbing with Gloria, the crap pottery lady. "Sir Basil" was an imposter! And he was done in next. Laura went after Gloria, who turned out to be a blackmailer and the killer.
TNA Impact [21:00, Bravo] Kevin Nash was in charge tonight. 3 Brits clobbered Chris Sabin then he arranged some collisions and gave Big Rob a DDT for a pin. Lashley & Mrs. Lashley had to face Steiner & Kong! But it all fizzled out when Mrs. L. had to take the ring. Hamada got a shot at Eric Young's title. The match didn't last long and Eric cheated to win.
   The first sighting of Jeff Jarrett for 5 months on film. Tara & ODB had to drink a 6-pack before their match with weapons; as Taz concluded: "That was different!" The booze caught up with Tara first and the champ demolished her. The Dudleys, Rhino and Mohawk Jesse went up against Morgan, Hernandez & Suicide, who had a tough time. Dvon took a Border Toss from Hernandez but Jessie speared the Mexican for a pin. Then a shambles finish.
   The Beautiful People were booked for some mud wrestling. Finally Styles had a match with whoever had bunged Nash most; Mr. Wolfe. A.J.'s arm got a good crunching, then Wolfe sneaked an 'accidental' low blow, but Daniels strolled out to make sure Styles won. And it seems Mick Foley & J.J. are planning something big for next week.

[Sunday, 13th] NFL Sunday [18:03, Sky Sports 2] started with the Bengals @ the Vikings. The Bengals lost a couple of miles to penalties to set the tone for their afternoon. Palmer was sacked, Favre threw an interception, and when he got the ball into the Bengals' end zone, he did it from well beyond the line of scrimmage. Favre took a sack at the start of the 2nd quarter and the Vikings opened the scoring with a longish FG. 0-3.
    A big pass to Peterson got the Vikings close again and Rice took a TD pass. 10-3. No surprise that the Bengals' first scoring drive went to a TD pass to 85. 7-10. Favre was almost picked in the end zone but the Vikings kicked a FG with 31 seconds left. The Bengals tried to make FG range but a fumble gifted another FG to the Vikings. 7-16 at the half.
   The Bengals' kicker couldn't keep the 3rd quarter kick-off on the pitch, Tank Johnson splatted Favre but Peterson flew over the pile into the end zone to put the Vikings 7-23 up. A Vikings challenge got a fumble, which went to the Vikings, over-ruled but they had to punt. Benson rushed 42 yards to the MV 20 during the next Bengals' drive but they had to settle for a FG early in the 4th quarter. 10-23.
   The Vikings chewed time off the clock and ran Peterson into the end zone. 10-30 with 3:24 left, and the back-up QBs got a run out for the rest of the match.
The Chargers, who are on a winning streak, @ the Cowboys, who slump in December, next. [21:16, Sky Sports 2] A good return by Jones let the Cowboys start at their 46, they made a 4th down as an alternative to kicking a long FG but ended up kicking a short one. 0-3. After a shaky start, the Chargers raced down the field, collected 38 yards for pass interference and it was another TD for L.T. 7-3.
   Siler sacked Romo, Rivers found Jackson with a 33 yard pass, the Chargers drove into the 2nd quarter, just about made a 4th down and had to settle for a FG. 10-3. The Cowboys got the ball to the Bengals' half-yard line, but they were stopped on 4th down. Rivers threw the ball back to them with a dumb pass but a Dallas FG try missed. Rivers took a sack as the half ran down.
   The Chargers had to punt away their first 2 possessions of the 3rd quarter, making the Cowboys start at their 4 then their 1. No problem the second time; the Cowboys just went 99 yards to a score-tying TD pass to Austin. 10-10. There was a long break in the 4th quarter while Ware was tied down and carted off, injured. Then Rivers found Jackson with a 39 yard pass and tossed a TD pass to Gates. 17-10.
   The next SD drive chewed time off the clock down to FG range. 20-10 with 2 minutes left. The Cowboys managed to score a TD with 2 seconds on the clock but the on-side kick didn't work and the Chargers racked up their 16th consecutive December win. 20-17 final.

[Monday, 14th] NUMB3RS [Black Swan, 21:00, Five US] The Feds busted a meth lab, and also a nearby guy with a van full of guns and kidnap gear. He turned out to be a member of a Montana Militia, which was planning to get explosives-making material from a raid on the meth lab to blow up something Federal. Charlie & Megan both got wobbly over Don's reduced consideration for a criminal's rights.
   When the Feds busted the 'stash house', they let one bad guy get away, they shot one and the third blew himself up from stupidity. The next leap of faith was to assume that the bad guys were after a bank, which had ratted out some of their members for money laundering. There, Don made the last member of the gang see the futility of his plan.
Burn Notice [Do No Harm, 22:00, FX] Sam collected the blown-up Mike and out-drove the guys who were after Mike. Mike stopped a guy from committing suicide and got himself a case. Kenny's kid needed medical treatment but he'd been scammed out of his cash. Mike let Carla's guys take him so that he could demand his life back. She gave him the job of finding out who had tried to kill him.
   Mike & Co. worked their way through the ranks of the scammers to Rachel, who was intimidated so successfully that she gave up all her money and confessed what she'd done to the cops. Campbell dumped Fee after his part in scamming the scammers. And Mike decided that the people who had tried to kill him (because he was involved with Carla) might become allies.

[Tuesday, 15th] CSI:Miami [Seeing Red, 21:00, Channel 5] Ivan the Russian was poisoned in prison and there was a gaol break. Ivan got away but it turned out that Ivan had screwed up an arms deal and Gregor had tried to kill him. Calleigh saw Eric's father at the crime scene and got on his case about it.
   Gregor wanted Yelena, Horatio's undercover lady, to kill Ivan, who would die of rat poison if he didn't get medical help. The Russians hit a police armoury, Eric and his dad were in a car that got away. Ivan got Gregor & strolled off with Yelena. Ivan got it next. Eric's dad was busted but there was no sign of Eric.
Passenger 57 (1992) [22:00, ITV 2] Mad terrorist Charles Rane was busted at his plastic surgeon's place. Security expert John Cutter, who got his wife killed in a supermarket heist, was recruited as a secruity expert by an airline. He had to fly to L.A. and the Feds put Rane on the same plane. Surprise! His gang hijacked it.
   Cutter got a passenger killed before dumping the fuel. The plane had to land at Hicksville, Louisiana, where the dumb ass local cops busted Cutter. Rane let some passengers off and strolled in the opposite direction to a nearby fair. Cutter fought off the local bozos to go after him. Rane was re-busted by the FBI and sent back to the plane.
   The plan to bust the rest of the gang went pear-shaped, the plane took off and Cutter lost his gun getting aboard. He took out 2 terrorists then de-pressurized the plane while scrapping with Rane, who went overboard. Job done.

[Wednesday, 16th] Witchblade [Consecration, 19:00, Zone Horror] Nottingham set the Black Dragons, drugged up & programmed ex-special forces guys, on Sara in a re-enactment of the Gilgamesh story. And when he tried to call them off, he was told, "Can the hunter recall the arrow to the bow?" So Nottingham had to kill the leader of the Dragons; with some help from the lady with the Witchblade.
Sahara (2005) [21:00, E4] is a Clive Cussler epic featuring Dirk Pitt & NUMA. We are invited to believe that a Confederate ironclad ship left America at the end of their civil war, sailed across the Atlantic, sailed up the Niger river to what is now Mali on a storm tide, and ended up stranded in the desert due to climate change.
   Pitt went looking for the ship and he gave a lift, part of the way, to a Eva, a French doctor with the WHO, who was looking for what was poisoning water supplies. Surprise! A French company had built a solar-powered plant for destroying toxic waste in a warlord's territory, and it was leaking.
   So all Pitt & his pals had to do was: 1. find the ironclad, 2. rescue the doctor, 3. neutralize the warlord and 4. put the source of the contamination out of action. So a few explosions, the warlord's helicopter was shot down with a civil war evar cannon and the other bad guys were thwarted.

[Thursday, 17th] Witchblade [Static, 19:00, Zone Horror] Someone was going round killing people and making it look like suicide. Ian Nottingham, who was still being harassed by his dead father, told Sara Pezzini that she would have to learn to see evil before she could use the Witchblade to fight it, and other forces want to control the Witchblade. The mad killer was after the Witchblade, but she came unstuck. But Nottingham reckoned it was just a test of things to come.
Bones [The Goop in the Girl, 21:00, Sky One] Santa the suicide bomber robbed a bank, blew up outside and it was raining money. Agent Booth blamed a pirate radio operator for setting off the bomb. The dead guy had been locked in to the bomb and made to rob the bank. And the FBI was worried that the bomber might strike again as the first robbery attempt flopped. But the case just fizzled out as a feeder into the horrors of the Brennan family Xmas dinner.
WW$ Raw [22:00, Sky Sports 3] The Slammy Special had a comedian called Dennis as the guest host. Christian recruited Kane & Khali to sort out Billy Regal, Koslov & Jackson. Kofi & Bourne wasted some time on Rhodes and the 10¢ Punk. Cena made short work of Punky. Undertaker had to get involved in a tedious count-out farce with the scumbag Orton.
   The Vault: Orton versus Cena with HHH as ref. DX versus Jericho & Big Show never happened. DX got themselves DQ'd right after the bell rang, so that was Jericho's rematch clause up the spout and the locker room gathered to boot him off RAW. The Musclepiece twitched his tits at the nation again.
   Mizrabul, Ryder & McIntyre versus Nitro, Yoshi & Mark Henry didn't last long before Yoshi flattened Ryder. A 14-Diva tag shambles in frocks didn't last long. Finally, Orton versus Cena involved a lot of ham acting and Orton was flattened.

[Friday, 18th] Witchblade [Nailed, 19:00, Zone Horror] The courts released a sex-offender serial killer because Danny Wu, guilty about letting one of his victims die, went into his place of death without a warrant. NYPD put the psycho under surveillance and he targetted Wu's wild-child niece and proved to the police that he could give them the slip.
   Ian Nottingham told Sara Pezzini that the Witchblade was letting her look through the eyes of the psycho's next target and she could prevent another killing. The psycho lured Wu's niece into a trap, the cops found him and Wu didn't kill him so he was left raving and rotting in the cells.
Murdoch Mysteries [Let Us Ask The Maiden, 20:00, Alibi] Detective Murdoch tackled the secretive and obstructive world of Canada's Jewish migrants when Nathan, an apparent religious nutter, was found to have been poisoned by arsenic. He was betrothed (but her father wouldn't admit it) to Devra Begelman, who was in the clutches of a doctor 20 years her senior; and she was suffering from arsenic poisoning, too.
   The rabbi and Dr. Goldberg were invoved with Devra's father in a land deal, and Nathan had been trying to organize a union in Mr. Begelman's sweat shop. Begelman had poisoned Nathan there, and Devra had been visiting him. So Dr. Goldberg executed Begelman. And Murdoch was still trying to make up his mind whether to dump Mrs. Jones or Dr. Ogden.
Eight Legged Freaks (2002) [21:00, ITV 4] A barrel of toxic waste fell into a river and the stock at a spider ranch near Prosperity, Arizona, began to grow and grow. The town was in a slump because of the failure of the local goldmine and the chancer of a mayor wanted everyone to sell up but Chris was sure there was still gold in it.
   Giant spiders started attacking people and storing them in cocoons in the mine, where the mayor was stashing toxic waste. An exploding petrol tanker took out the phone lines and there was no cell phone service. The sheriff used the local doom-merchant's home radio station to spread a warning and everyone ended up in the shopping mall, and then the mine when the spiders broke in.
   Chris found his aunt in a cocoon and released her, and she spotted the motherlode of gold. Then Chris set off a methane explosion, which took out the spiders, anyone still alive in the mine and the toxic waste. And help arrived when the danger was past.

[Saturday, 19th] The A Team [Waste 'Em, 19:00, Bravo] A garbage company was trying to take over a small delivery company run by a guy and his blind sister. A chemical company was paying Mr. Hagan to dump toxic waste somewhere; into a sewer which ran under the delivery company's HQ. The bad-guys arranged a stand-off by capturing the bro & his blind sister, but they ended up blown up or in the trash. And the sewer was cleaned up and closed off.
Dover Castle: A Time Team Special [20:00, Channel 4] was a Trade Descriptions Act job because only Tony Robinson was there for the castle's face-lift to make it look as it might have looked at the end of the 12th century. The castle was built because Henry II was embarrassed by the unexpected arrival of the French king, on a pilgrimage to Canterbury, and he had nowhere to entertain him.
   A theatrical set designer did a lot of the planning after a lengthy research effort. Tony & Co. headed off to a re-enactors' fair and craftsmen were called in to make artefacts. The refurbed rooms were a riot of colour and they looked very impressive.
TNA Impact [21:00, Bravo] Mick Foley beat up Nash (because he set up a meeting with Lou, who played the Incredible Hulk, not Hulk Hogan). Roxxi is back for a shot at ODB and she came out on top of their brawl. Then Tara ended ODB's display of sore losership. M. Morgan versus B. Dudley had their respective gangs at ringside as lumberjacks, so a shambles was inevitable and the Dudleys' Wrecking Crew worked a swindle.
   The Beautiful People versus Hamada + Kong versus Taylor + Sarita didn't last long. Most of the action took place on the outside while Kong was sitting on Medicine in the ring. Lethal versus Chief Tatanka was another clobbering for the fake Macho Man from a legend of the real Macho Man's era.
   Daniels versus Wolfe started with wrestling, went to clobbering and it was back at wrestling when the 10-minute time limit ran out with everyone wanting more. Finally, Steiner & gang versus Styles & gang in a 12-man tag shambles was all about setting up Angle & Styles for cheap-shotting by Wolfe & Daniels.

[Sunday, 20th] NFL Sunday [17:30, Sky Sports 3] The Dolphins at the Titans. Two bounces of an underthrown pass gave the ball to the Dolphins, who went ahead by a FG. The Titans came back with a TD drive and a pass to Gage in the end zone. 3-7. 78 of the Dolphins got a sack in a defensive battle. In the 2nd quarter, the ball was stripped from Williams, the Titans recovered it and made a FG (just) out of the turnover. 3-10.
   The Dolphins could manage only a FG in reply. Johnson went 41 yards on a screen pass and Gage collected another TD pass. 6-17, less than 2 minutes left. The Dolphins almost reached FG range but Henne threw a pick while trying to avoid a sack.
   In the 3rd quarter, the Dolphins had to punt. Young rushed for a 1st down, he fumbled (but recovered by the Titans) when sacked on the next play, then he fired a 32 yard TD pass to Washington on the next play. 6-24. The Dolphins were stopped but they recovered a fumble by Johnson at the TT 34, and kicked a 45 yard FG instead of going for 4th & 2. 9-24. A pick in the end zone by Hope stopped the next Dolphins' drive.
   In the 4th quarter, the Dolphins went hurry up to a 1 yard TD run by Williams from the wildcat. 16-24. They made some big pass plays to a TD pass to a wide open Fasano, and Williams rushed for 2 points to tie the scores at 24-24 with 56 seconds left.
   In overtime, the Dolphins started but Griffin made another interception, the officials added 15 yards for a late hit and Bironas kicked a 46 yard FG. 24-27 final.
The match between the Bengals and the Chargers had already started and we had cut away to a TD pass from Rivers to Gates. The Bengals got close but had to settle for a FG in reply. 3-7. A sack by Jones stopped the Chargers, Ellison got a sack back on Palmer, but 2 minutes in to the 2nd quarter, Palmer found 85 with a TD pass (which he dedicated to the late Chris Henry, No. 15). 10-7.
   A blitz by the Bengals led to an interception to stop the Chargers but they went ahead with a TD pass to Jackson for a 10-14 lead with 3 minutes of the half left. Jammer blew an interception chance in the SD end zone but the Bengals were held to a FG. 13-14 at half time.
   Punting to start the 3rd quarter until Jammer held on to an interception and Rivers found Jackson with a 34 yard TD pass. 13-21. The Bengals went backwards, L.T. managed a big run and the Chargers kicked a FG. 13-24. The Bengals had to punt but got the ball back when Gates failed to catch a pass and 55 Rivers of the Bengals intercepted Rivers of the Chargers.
   A TD pass to Coles then 2 points via a quarterback draw put the Bengals just 21-24 behind. Rivers was sacked by Rivers. The Bengals drove into FG range, Palmer had to chase after a fumble and the Bengals lost 20 yards, but they managed to tie the scores at 24 with 54 seconds left. Which was time enough for the Chargers to give Kaeding a 52 yard FG try, which he made easily. 24-27 final.

[Monday, 21st] Witchblade [Lagrimas, 19:00, Zone Horror] A priest was overkilled. Det. Pezzini had a chat with the dead Mr. Irons. Father Horton took a confession from Death before he was croaked. The Wus are pregnant. Pezz ran into Mike of Burn Notice, a.k.a. Daniel, who was there when Joan of Arc was burnt. He took a shine to her, to Nottingham's dismay.
   The skin cells under the dead priest's nails were Greek, 2,000 years old and still alive. Mainly because they came from a guy who'd been cursed with immortality by J. Christ. Nottingham tried to kill 'Daniel', but he explained to Pezz that only the Witchblade could do the job for him.
Burn Notice [Hot Spot, 22:00, FX] Mike checked local CCTV for pictures of his bomber and Sam found him a job. A local football player had fallen foul of Felix, who stole cars for gangster Tony Soto. Fee was very enthusiastic about the case and Corey and his girlfriend, Tanya, were parked with Mom.
   Mike created his own criminal gang and told Felix to get out of town. Then he proved to Tony that he could do a better job with the stolen cars. Felix was scammed at shooting up Mike's car (with Tony inside it), so that was Felix gone. Fee got caught in a fire trap at the bomber's house, but with one bound, she was free. And Carla got a lot of nothing.

[Tuesday, 22nd] Witchblade [Hierophant, 19:00, Zone Horror] A new gang boss, the Devil's friend, was amalgamating the New York gangs by force, and handing out Tarot cards with 'V' on the back. Pez consulted a female impersonator expert on the Tarot but didn't get far. A card found with the body of a dead gangster had her father's fingerprints on it, and he's been dead for 20 years!
   Sara freaked out when she saw her father, still in his 40s, in the bad guy's car. When she dug up her father's grave, the right hand was missing. Nottingham had his own father's right hand preserved in a jar! And he looked on and did nothing as Sara used the Witchblade to see off the intruder in what looked like her father's body.
The Recruit (2003) [21:00, Watch] James, a programming whiz, whose father died in a plane crash in Peru, was recruited to the CIA by 'Walter Burke' and steered into the path of Leila at The Farm. Burke wouldn't talk about James' dad but let him know that dad was a NOC, the top of the espionage tree. He also told James that Leila was a sleeper and he was after her handler.
   Burke got James a low-level job at Langley, where she was stealing a super virus programme. Leila passed info to a contact, James chased him and he ended up killing Zack, who was also at the Farm. James & Leila did some wild driving and she told James they were testing security at Langley. James told her to run for her life.
   Burke tried to make out that it was all a test but James proved he was a liar. James tried to expose Burke but the virus didn't work. Then the cavalry arrived; after James. But Burke did a long whinge about how no one appreciated him so he was shot full of holes.

[Wednesday, 23rd] Witchblade [Veritas, 19:00, Zone Horror] A dead guy visited Sara (he turned out to be JFK). Another guy phoned Gabriel before he was shot and left a string of numbers on his answer phone. Her FBI contact, Dick, told Sara that the shot guy worked for rich, untouchable, private enterprise. Pez found what everyone was looking for and Feds invaded the precinct looking to arrest her for killing Dick.
   Fake Feds caught up with Sara but not the film they were after (which turned out to be of an assassination team pre-empted in Dallas). The Witchblade took out the bad guys around Sara, the head bad guy let her and Gabriel live and Dick was written off as a suicide.
Anaconda: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid (2004) [21:00, Sci-Fi] The blood orchid of Borneo can provide a cure for death, so James takes an expedition up-river in the rainy season because he has a couple of weeks to get orchids before they stop flowering for 7 years. The boat is a load of junk and the stupid captain sends it over a waterfall. The captain phones a friend to get another boat and leads the group on a trek through the jungle.
   While wading through a flood, an anaconda gets Ben. A snake gets the drunken Aussie and his boat crashes. The captain hopes to get a boat from the local headhunters and it's the mating season for giant anacondas. The locals have gone so the captain builds a boat for a trip back to civilization. Which Jack steals to go after the orchids.
   The others go blundering through the jungle at night to intercept him, running in to a mess of snakes. All sorts of dramatic things happen but it's too bloody dark to see what they are most of the time, and some of the people survive.

[Thursday, 24th] Witchblade [Parabolic, 19:00, Zone Horror] Someone offed a couple of arsonists and did the world a favour. Then the killer took out 2 more of the Lupo clan, who were trying to achieve world domination through hate crimes. The vigilante was a woman. Sara got a Lupo tattoo for some undercover work, which flopped, but she spotted a little girl in a hoodie.
   The 'little girl' had been waging a vendetta against Lupo and his clan for the past 300 years, ever since her family was massacred. She wanted Sara's bracelet so she could kill Lupo. Lupo grabbed the kid and told Sara that hate is good for the human race. So Sara & the kid fought Lupo, the kid borrowed the Witchblade to see Lupo off and the 'kid' died of old age.
WW$ RAW [22:00, Sky Sports 3] The guest host, Johnny David, was interrupted by a blonde with a golf club chasing a guy in a tiger suit. Then the Divas had a 6-person tag shambles. DX messed about 'under the ring' in a courtroom full of dwarves. Henry, Bourne & Kofi versus the Orton gang had shambles written all over it and went to another triumph for Kofi over one of the crew of scumbags.
   More of the DX trial. Cena versus Swagger was mainly Swagger booting & bashing. Cena had the odd rally, then both men self-destructed and Swagger tapped out in an STFU submission hold. Carlito versus the Musclepiece wobbled to the inevitable Musclelock. More of the tiger being chased.
   Mae Young snogged Johnny. MVP had the role of sacrifice in a battle with Sheamush. Mizrabul versus Santino Xmas was a bit of seasonal buffoonery. Jericho & Big Show ended up facing an army of DX midgets. Big Show killed one of them then the full-size DX rushed out to make the Little Green Bastard their mascot.

[Friday, 25th] Witchblade [Palindrome, 19:00, Zone Horror] Guys were dying in the Spartacus ring, so the male detectives went in undercover. Sara Pezzini suspected that the guy running the secretive events was deliberately getting fighters killed to give his high-end crowd a thrill.
   Sara made a connection with an Irish guy; both felt that they knew each other. He wanted a shot at the champ, but he didn't do too well. As an added complication, the guy in charge also had a Sara doppelgänger in tow; Nottingham told Sara she was a replicant of her.
WW$mackDown! [22:00, Sky Sports 3] The LGB attacked the turkey on Vickie Guerrero's crap cookery segment. Truth, Nitro, Matt Hardy & Finlay versus Punk, Gallows, Ziggler & McIntyre rampaged through the first set of ads and finished in a total shambles. Rants from Jericho & the Harts, then DX razzed up all of them and the Harts flattened Jericho.
   Mystero versus the Undertaker, who's twice his size? Mysterio did a lot of leaping about, Taker gave him a pounding, Mysterio came back, Taker administered a choke-slam then Batista joined in and Mysterio gave both of them a 619.
   Cryme Tyme mugged Santa and took on 2 unknown palukas. Vickie G. & Teddy Long each got a faceful of pie backstage. The Divas had a bad-tempered tag shambles. The Vault: Helms versus Jimmy Yang. Finally, DX versus the Harts was back and forth battering, Michaels & Kidd getting the worst of it, until HHH had the last word against D. Smiff.

[Saturday, 26th] The Inspector Alleyn Mysteries [Death At The Bar, 19:00, Alibi] It was a dark & stormy night and someone had been killed: the arrogant KC Mr. Waterman (a member of Chief Inspector Alleyn's club), who was done in by cyanide rat poison at a country pub. A darts expert had put one in his hand, instead of the board, so his dart was a suspected source of the cyanide.
   Waterman was being badgered for cash by his actor cousin, and he'd had a fling with the barmaid, so her boyfriend was another suspect. Waterman had changed his will to give a half-share to the actor's painter boyfriend, so another suspect.
   Miss Duffy, the charity lady, turned out to be the sister of an Irish fraudster, who had been defended by Waterman and let off with 2 years in gaol. His accomplice had got most of the blame and 7 years. He was Mr. Legge, the darts guy! And a former Mosley Blackshirt.
   Inspector Fox drank a dose of poisoned sherry. Mr. Legge legged it but crashed his car in a stream. Gulp! He had cyanide in his fountain pen and his motive was revenge.
Megashark versus Giant Octopus (2009) [21:00, Sci-Fi] Emma (in a minisub) watches a pod of whales go crazy when a US Navy chopper drops an active sonar gadget into Arctic waters, then the stupid pilot crashes into an iceberg and releases a giant octopus, which takes out a Japanese megaplatform in the sea, and a HUGE shark, which leaps up into the air and chomps a plane!!!
   Emma's Irish expert reckons the tooth she found in a chomped whale belongs to a megadont, which has been extinct for millions of years. They join forces with a Japanese expert, who was consulted about the octopus. Emma is a Global Warming Swindler, who blames melting Arctic ice for the release of the shark and the octopus, who were frozen 18 million years before while locked in mortal combat.
   The experts plan to trap the creatures in San Francisco and Tokio bays using pheromones as a lure. The shark eats several ships and the Golden Gate bridge. The US & Japanese navies fail to kill the monsters, so the next plan is to lure them into a fight. The shark takes out a shoal of US subs but the creatures finish the fight, and each other, off.

[Sunday, 27th] NFL Sunday [17:30, Sky Sports 3] The Jaguars in New England. The Patriots' confident opening drive crumbled with a fumble by Maroney at the JX 1, but the home team came back with a TD pass from Brady to Moss. 0-7. Garrard overthrew a receiver, and a 57-yard interception return gave the Patriots a short field and a TD for 86 in the 2nd quarter. 0-14.
   The Jags couldn't mount a pass rush. A 55-yard run by Morris put the Pats at the JX 10, and Morris made a 1-yard TD run. 0-21. Another TD to Moss in the final minute meant that the Patriots finished the half 0-28 up.
   The Jags made a 4th & 1 in the own half at the start of the 3rd quarter, they reached the NE 5, then Garrard was intercepted. The Patriots drove into the 4th quarter to a TD pass to Moss. 0-35. Mayo made a crunching 22-yard run, 2 decent pass plays got the Jags to the NE 10, and Garrard finished the drive with a 2-yard TD run. 7-35.
   The Patriots used up most of the remaining time, the Jags gave up, and this unusually penalty-free match finished over half an hour before the next one kicked off.
Next, the Broncos in Philadelphia [21:16, Sky Sports 3]. The Eagles got into the end zone when Orton appeared to throw an errant backward pass, but a challenge let the Broncos punt. A sack on McNabb was wiped out by a penalty on Denver. The Eagles got close but McNabb fumbled when sacked by 92 and the Broncos grabbed the ball. 75 sacked Orton to stop the Broncos.
   McCoy took a pass 59 yards and a short TD pass to Jackson put the Eagles 0-7 up. Stokley was tossed out of the match when the Denver receiver hit an official's hand while making a gesture of protest. Celek took a pass 31 yards as the Broncos blitzed and the Eagles went on to kick a FG. 0-10.
   Denver made a 4th & inches in the 2nd quarter at the PE 15 and Gaffney blasted through 2 hits for a TD. 7-10. Celek took a pass 35 yards against a Broncos' blitz, then he went 47 yards for a TD when the Broncos blitzed again. 7-17. The Eagles strolled down the field again as the half ran out, spluttered and settled for a FG. 7-20 at the half.
   In the 3rd quarter, Maclin took a pass 25 yards then Bailey picked off McNabb's next play, which gave the Broncos a FG. 10-20. Denver gave up 46 yards in 2 penalties, helping the Eagles to a 15-yard TD pass to Avant. 10-27. Orton was sacked by Howard then intercepted by Samuel. The Eagles blew up on penalties and the Broncos hit back with another TD for Gaffney. 17-27.
   A fumble on the kick off return was recovered by the Broncos at the PE 16 and a TD pass to Moreno put them just 24-27 behind. Holliday then Hill sacked McNabb. Orton was crunched by T. Cole in the 4th quarter. After a lot of punting, the Broncos drew level at 27-27 with a 46-yard FG from Prater with 6 minutes left.
   The Eagles recovered their own kick-off fumble, Dumervil got a sack, McNabb had to scramble to make a 3rd & 25, but the Eagles had to punt. An amazing sideline catch by Maclin in the next Eagles' drive was awarded only after a review, putting his team at the Denver 13. Then, it was just a matter of running down the clock and bringing out Ackers for a 28 yard FG. 27-30 final, and the Eagles looked terrible in the second half.

[Monday, 28th] Witchblade [Ubique, last ever episode, 19:00, Zone Horror] In a dream, Sara fell foul of Lucrezia, the poisoner. Nottingham was also dreaming about her. A murder plague hit New York and the rest of the US. Sara had lost her Witchblade bracelet and there was a woman trolling around with a similar bracelet with a blue stone. The Captain sent an exhausted Pez home.
   Gabriel told Sara that Lucrezia Borgia was one of an alternative line of Witchblade wielders, and she stole the Witchblade from Sara. The Irish fighter was still in a coma. All the NY murderers visited the website, which had a message saying Pez Killed Irons, which the Captain bought. He called in the Feds.
   Sara logged on to the website and Irons invited her to join him. Lucrezia harassed Gabriel and kicked Sara's ass, but Sara disbladed her and saw off Irons again. The CyberFaust website vanished but Gabriel ended up with Irons' double-circle weal on his hand.
Malibu Shark Attack (2009) [21:00, Sci-Fi] An earthquake released a swarm of extinct goblin sharks, which started snacking on divers. The quake also caused a tsunami, which flooded half of California. The life guards took refuge in their shack and some construction workers also stayed put.
   Sharks tried to barge up through the floor of the shack. Barb wanted to keep the 'extinct' sharks alive but she was eaten. Then Nancy from the construction site and her boyfriend were chomped. The construction guys picked up the gang at the life guard's shack; then ran out of fuel.
   There were more casualties when they struggled into the construction site and blundered around flooded buildings in the dark, but they found chainsaws to fight back, and come the morning, there was a modest load left for the rescue helicopter.
Rogue Sharks (2005) [22:40, Sci-Fi] A spaceship crashes in orbit and drops a capsule, which hits a ship in the Bermuda Triangle. Five years later, the Oshona Deep Sea Lab starts seeing magnetic spikes after they find some mysterious orange crystals on the sea bed. Sharks take out a work crew, a diver from their support ship and a guy on a Coastguard seaplane.
   Sharks chew through the supply lines so the US Navy sends a sub carrying Mike, the boss of the lab, and a bean-counter from the MOA, who wants to close it down. The sub catches fire and starts flooding. Harvey legs it in the minisub but sharks wreck it. The orange stuff is cold-fusion fuel. The MOA guy turns out to be a Special Forces nutter.
   The US government doesn't want to share the fuel with the rest of the world, which means everyone in the lab has to be killed. The lab is wrecked as the nutter kills everyone but Mike and his wife, Linda. Aliens arrive to recover the fuel. Mike sees them but no one believes his silly story about the sharks guarding the fuel until the aliens could retrieve it.

[Tuesday, 29th] NUMB3RS [End Game, 19:00, Five US] Charlie was called in to predict the behaviour of a Marine gone wrong. Mr. Porter was captured after his family was kidnapped. He told the Feds all he'd done was kill 2 serial killers and he was allowed to walk. Pa Eppes was buying the Global Warming Swindle and ruining the view from Charlie's bedroom window. Another body turned up, but the guy had been offed while Porter had been in custody.
   Larry was going off the search for the Higg's boson. The kidnap turned out to be about money. An Iraqi insurgent had stolen a few millions and he'd been tortured by a Marine psycho, who thought he'd talked to Porter. Porter's father was found dead but the Feds saved his sister when Porter played target.
   Larry changed his mind about the Higgs particle and Charlie trumped his dad's Green monstrosity with a worse one.
Die Hard With A Vengeance (1995) [21:00, BBC 3] Terrorists blow up a department store in New York and 'Simon', the mad bomber makes life tough for Lt. John McClane by sending him to Harlem in his shorts wearing a sign board saying "I Hate Niggers". Zeus (Samuel L. Jackson), a shopkeeper, saves him from a small mob, hijacks a car and ends up as McClane's non-buddy for the duration.
   The non-buddie have to drag their asses around New York from phone to phone. McClane blows up the subway without getting anyone killed. Simon says he's put a bomb in one of New York's schools. So everyone goes looking for it while Simon & Co. are stealing the gold in the Federal Reserve Bank. A thieving kid puts McClane on the right track, and he goes chasing after the convoy of dumper trucks containing $140 billion.
   The school bomb is just a decoy. Simon's terrorist group plans to put the gold on a ship and sink it in Long Island Sound. But Simon double-crosses the idealists. McClane & Zeus bust a gut to get aboard the ship, and jump off just before it explodes. McClane works out that the bad guys are heading for Canada and intercepts them at the border for a shoot-out, in which Simon's helicopter crashes & burns.

[Wednesday, 30th] NUMB3RS [Atomic No. 33, 19:00, Five US] Someone put arsenic in the coffee at a poisonous cult, which offended Larry with its anti-science attitude. The Feds had to break in as the cult didn't believe in medical treatment. The previous pastor came to Don's attention, and the guy turned out to have been killed by arsenic poisoning.
   The widow was busted and Agent Megan made her confess after the church blew up with the present head inside. Charlie & Larry didn't buy the confession and Craig, the adopted son of the head cultist, did a runner. When he was caught, the truth came out; he and his scammer 'dad' had been planning to stroll off with the contents of cult's bank account!
Poirot: Mrs. McGinty's Dead [22:00, ITV 3] J.G. Bentley was convicted of robbing & murdering charlady Mrs. McGinty but the superintendent got cold feet and asked Hercule for a second opinion. He headed off into the wilds and received the benefit of author Mrs. Oliver's woman's intuition. Mrs. McGinty had recognized a picture of a 'tragic woman' in a newspaper. Poirot had a choice of 3 potential killers, old and young.
   Someone tried to shove the detective under a train! The matriarchal Mrs. Upwood was strangled next. Poirot found the murder weapon from the McGinty case and called the interested parties together for a lengthy revelation session. Both crimes, he announced, were committed by a man and for money.
   Everyone had assumed that the daughter of one of the tragic women was the killer, but how could anyone know the sex of Eva Cain's unborn child? In fact, she'd had a boy; Robin Upwood, the playwright! And the attempted assassination by train had nothing to do with the case in hand.
Midsomer Murders [Ghosts of Christmas Past, 22:00, ITV 3] 9 years after an Xmas suicide, DCI Barnaby faced the holiday with his appalling parents in law visiting. Luckily, the horrible kid at the Big House, Howard, got a universal death threat in a cracker and someone tried to trap Aunt Lidia in her garage with the car engine running. Her bossy niece, Jennifer, tried to make out that she was a dotty old lady.
   Auntie was hurled downstairs next. She said she was pushed and Howard told Barnaby about the garage incident. Barnaby learnt the tragic story of Uncle Ferdy's suicide after his gold-digger fiancée, Clare, was exposed. The deeply unpleasant Jennifer was done in next.
   Barnaby found that Lidia had kept diaries and the one from 9 years before was missing. Uncle Ferdy's friend Mr. Jones did a runner. Howard found the missing diary parked under the Xmas tree. It revealed that Jennifer had forced Aunt Lidia to frame Clare for theft, and Clare had also committed suicide.
   Mr. Jones was tracked down to the church where his sister, Clare, was buried. He told Barnaby that it had waited 9 years to deliver his justice because that was how long it had taken him to find the proof of guilt in Auntie's diary.

[Thursday, 31st] NUMB3RS [Pay To Play, 19:00, Five US] Amita was freaking out because her parents were coming to town. The pond life in the local crap rap industry started shooting at one another. One of them had a string equation on his laptop for detecting plagiarism. But Charlie reckoned the program could be used to predict hit recordings.
   The shooters came back for more mayhem then planted a car bomb. Amita's parents tried to fix her up with someone else. Charlie came up with a payola scam and the guys who had been paying to get their records played were busted. And Amita's parents decided that Charlie was okay, after all.
WW$ Raw [22:00, Sky Sports 3] Cena put Shameless through a table. Evan Bourne versus the 10¢ Punk was painfully obviously a star against a clunker. Rhodes versus Mark Henry was a ludicrous mis-match, and the ham acting didn't help. HHH used a midget on a skateboard to shut Jillian up. Kelly versus Maryslush lasted about as long as the post-match rant.
   Vince hogged the cameras for a while. Mizrabul versus Kofi was just a set-up for some tedious tripe from Orton. Boring! DX versus Big Show & Chavo involved a tough time for everyone in the ring with Big Show. The LGB had no luck when he attacked Chavo, but HHH flattened Chavo while BS was otherwise engaged.
   Chris Jericho, there as a spectator, got a post-match boot to the nut. Finally, Cena and Shameless battered each other for a short time then the bleached Irishman got himself DQ'd to end the RAW year on an in-character flat and petty note.

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Sole © Clyde E. Wydey, 2009.