[Saturday, 01st] Live NFL [00:30, Sky Sports 3] The Indianapolis Colts put their B-team against the Cincinnati Bengals' hopefuls. Johnson's first 2 drives for the Bengals ended in interceptions, and they blew up on a 4th & 6 at the start of the 2nd quarter. Meanwhile, Sorgi was getting a good thumping from the Bengals' defence. As the quarter ran down, the Colts punted after 2 penalties and a sack on Sorgi. J. Rowe had a tough time when he replaced Johnson, and the half ended with a gang sack on Sorgi.
   Plenty for the punters to do in the 3rd quarter. Then the Bengals drove to the Colts' 5 and a TD run by Wilson, who did most of the work during the drive, opened the scoring. 0-7. The Bengals stripped the ball from Dorsey on the Colts' first play and Miller returned it 47 yards for a TD. 0-14. Dorsey gained yardage on the ground, but Rice picked off a deflected pass to stop the Colts.
   The Colts finally scored in the 4th quarter. They went for a 4th & goal at the CB 6, and Betts found Thorpe with a TD pass. They then lined up for a 2 point conversion, which didn't work out. 6-14. The Colts came up short on a 4th & 5, and the match ended with the Colts being stopped at the Bengals' 1 as the clock ran out. Shades of the Rams-Titans Super Bowl!
Earthstorm (2006) [18:55, Sci-Fi] An asteroid hits the Moon, cracking it wide open and knocking it out of its orbit enough disrupt Earth's climate. It looks likely that a big chunk will break off the Moon and wipe out all life on Earth. A way to fix things was proposed by Lana's late father, but Victor, who has the President's ear, rubbished his theory that the Moon has an iron core.
   John, a demolition expert, gets a trip to the Moon with a cargo of nukes. But first, the shuttle Perseus has to be launched through a hurricane. A fragment of Moon proves that Lana's dad was right and the shuttle has the wrong explosive cargo for sealing the split. John has to build a magnetic weapon from the nukes and the shuttle's nuclear engines. The huge magnetic pulse sticks the Moon back together and Victor has to admit he was wrong about Lana's dad's theory.
The Recruit (2003) [21:00, USTV Gold] James, a programming whizz, is led to believe that his father, who died in a plane crash in Peru, was a CIA agent and he lets a recruiter take him to the Farm at Langley; the CIA's boot camp. He tries to get close to Leila but he quits after he breaks during an interrogation session with fake Russians. Burk hauls him out of drunken depression and makes him a NOC, the highest form of CIA undercover agent.
   James get the job of spying on Leila. Burk says she's a sleeper agent, who's stealing the ICE 9 program from CIA HQ. James has to find out who she's working for. Leila realizes James is spying on her. James sees Leila pass something to a contact, he chases the guy and ends up killing Zach, who was at the Farm. He makes Leila crash her car, she tells him she's stealing the ICE 9 program as a security check and Zach was another NOC.
   James tells her to run and confronts Burk, who tells him his gun contains blanks and Zach isn't dead. James makes a liar out of him; and his dad wasn't a CIA agent. Burk admits he's stealing the ICE 9 program because he feels unappreciated. The cavalry arrives, but they're after James. But when Burk shoots his mouth off, he becomes the target.

[Sunday, 02nd] San Marino MotoGP [13:00, British Eurosport 1] Stoner was on pole ahead of Rossi & Hayden for the 28 lap race. De Punier lost it on the first lap and crashed out Pedrosa. Hayden had to do some gravel-tracking to avoid them and went dead last. He finished 13th of the surviving 15 riders. Capirossi went from 13th to 5th on the 1st lap, and finished 6th. Rossi's new pneumatic valve engine croaked on lap 5.
   Vermeulen went past Hopkins to claim 2nd place on lap 6. He looked like he might catch up with Stoner, but that was never going to happen. Stoner increased his championship lead a lot with Rossi & Pedrosa out. Both Ducatis looked like they were out of gas at the end of the slow-down lap.
Diagnosis Murder [Guardian Angel, 19:00, Hallmark] Will the mayor's wife get away with shooting her old man, who deserved it, and frame the sad bastard who's writing crank letters to the mayor? Not with Doc Sloane trampling over medical ethics and sticking his nose in where it isn't wanted. Especially not when Drs. Amanda & Jack joined in. And even though it was a clear case of justifiable homicide, Mrs. Mayor was still busted. Shame on you, Sloane family.
NCIS [Brothers In Arms, 21:00, FX] The Director ended up in a drive-by shooting when she met Webster, a bent accountant, whom she hoped would lead her to the arms dealer The Frog. The doctor proved that the late Mr. Webster was the target of the shooting, not Director Jenny, who tried to get help from the CIA but ended up stuck with Homeland Security.
   The body of the driver of the assassins' car was found; shot by the director. The doctor insisted that The Frog doesn't kill people, he settles their hash by more subtle means. The Director didn't want to know. Meanwhile, Tony got to meet his girlfriend's appalling mom and Abbey blew up her lab a bit.
   The shooter was located and duly shot. Then Abby uncovered an arms shipment, which Webster was to have spilled. But there were only toy guns in the container and a 'you're fired' note for Mr. Webster. So no danger of busting The Frog.
Dexter [Father Knows Best, 22:00, FX] Sgt. Doakes rousted a guy on the street and shot him. Angel wasn't happy with Doakes' account of the shooting, and Dexter proved he was lying. Debs wanted Dexter to meet Dr. Hook. Dexter got a message telling him his biological father was dead, even though Frank, his adoptive father, has assured him that the guy had been dead for ages. Dexter & Rita went to look at the house he'd inherited and Debs & Rudy dropped in.
   Dexter recognized a tattoo on the dead man, sent blood samples from himself and the body to Miami for DNA comparison and learnt that Joe really was his father and he'd been murdered. Angel told IAD a story which supported Doakes then told the truth when he found out that Doakes had shot a harmless janitor. Paul, Rita's ex, was still being an asshole.
   Doakes told the lieutenant that he'd shot a Ton Ton Macoute from Haiti, so she made the problem with IAD go away. Dexter burgled the morgue to examine Joe's body; only to find he'd been cremated. It became clear that Rudi had killed Joe. Finally, Paul burst in on Rita dead drunk, so she whacked him with a baseball bat and ran to Dexter's with the kids.

[Monday, 03rd] UFO Files: Beyond the War of the Worlds (2005) [19:00, History Channel] is a study of human knowledge of, and speculation about, what it's like on the planet Mars with particular reference to the H.G. Wells story, which was published in magazine form in 1897 and in book form a year later. Martian canals, the 1939 Orson Welles radio play and the panic it caused, the riot in Venezuela 30 years later when they did an updated version, the 1953 movie and the Jeff Wayne double LP (1978) all got honourable mentions.
   Then we got on to the serious stuff: Mariner IV, which proved that Mars is cratered, was just like the Moon, the Viking landers, Pathfinder and the current Spirit & Opportunity rovers. Horrible things coming from Mars is a hook in people's minds which won't go away, was the final conclusion.
AVP Alien versus Predator (2004) [21:00, Film 4] A satellite finds a pyramid under the ice on an Antarctic island Cue an expedition of archaeologists & survivalists led by Miss Woods. Something has drilled a tunnel through the ice to the pyramid, saving the expedition a lot of drilling. When they reach the pyramid, they remove devices from a sarcophagus and the fun starts. Invisible Predators start killing the human, an Alien breeding system comes to life and the structure of the pyramid starts shifting, making it a 3D maze.
   Predators start fighting Aliens with just hand weapons. Just about all of the humans are killed. Sebastian, an archaeologist, decides that Predators taught humans how to build pyramids and they come to Earth every 100 years to test themselves in battle against Aliens. And if the Aliens win, the local civilization is wiped out to stop the Aliens spreading.
   Miss Woods manages to get a serious weapon to one of the Predators, and she gets to kill an Alien. The mother of all Aliens follows them to the surface for a final battle. She ends up on a one-way trip to the bottom of the sea after killing the Predator. A Predator spaceship uncloaks to retrieve the body but it doesn't offer Miss Woods a lift. Which is just as well, as an Alien hatches out of the Predator's body in space!
AMA Superbikes [23:00, Motors TV UK] More action for motorbike racing fans from the Virginia International Racetrack at Alton. Close racing, impressive overtaking and a few spectacular offs in the first race, which had to be red-flagged and resumed. No offs in the Xtreme class to follow, but more close racing than you'd get in a whole season of Formula 1.

[Tuesday, 04th] Reputations [20:00, BBC 4] offered a history of Frankie Howerd, who'd never have had a career, had Ian Carmichael got his way. Mr. Carmichael failed to spot any vestige of talent when auditioning him for entertainment troups during World War 2. Even so, Howerd was a big hit on radio in the 1950s; until he decided he wanted more. He started the 1960s broke and with serious depression, robbed blind by his agent. He was rescued by gigs at Peter Cook's Establishment Club and found an enduring niche in Up Pompeii.
   Despite the twin handicaps of homophilia and the worst wig in the world, he recovered from another slump in the 1980s to become a cult figure at student unions, entertaining a new audience with the material which had made their parents laugh. He was in the middle of a series of successful live TV shows when overtaken by his final illness.
   Frankie Howerd had a genuine talent for making people laugh with his on-stage character and he has to be numbered among the greats of the 20th Century.
CSI:Miami [Darkroom, 21:00, Channel 5] A woman left a 'he's going to kill me' message on a bloodstained $5 bill on the Florida turnpike. Then a female body, dead 2 days, turned up in the sea. A bloke was arrested while looking for Jill, his girlfriend, who'd disappeared. Natasha Boa Vista recognized the woman in the toll booth car as Anya, her sister. Erica, Wolf's TV newsgirl nemesis, did her best to screw things up.
   Anya was one of a string of model wannabes, who'd fallen prey to a dodgy photographer. Jill was found; and found to be under the bad guy's thumb. She wouldn't talk but the toll booth car did, Anya was rescued, and Gavin, who'd been killing model wannabes all over the country, was duly busted.

[Wednesday, 05th] The Bill [Deadly Shame 1/2, 20:00, Granada] Chloe, 16, was missing from home until she was found by an abandoned hospital's fire escape; suicide, accident or murder? Will was made the family liaison officer. Lorna, the CSE, reckoned she didn't jump and she didn't just fall. CCTV showed Chloe getting into, and leaving, the car belonging to her friend Ben's dad. Ben had borrowed it, so he was busted and DI Nixon tried to fit him up for rape & murder. Meanwhile, Will found a scene on a DVD which suggested that Chloe's dad had been abusing her.
Once Upon a Time in Mexico (2003) [21:00, Channel 5] A guitarist, El Mariachi, or just El to everyone, is grabbed and told he has to kill General Marquez, who had been hired to bump off the president. El has to kill the general after he's killed the president so that the cartel can take over his coup. Lots on the history between El and the general.
   Lots of bullets flying, lots of gratuitous murder, lots of bangs. A 3-armed CIA agent plans to stroll off with the 20 million pesos available to finance the coup. He fires up a retired FBI agent to kill the head of the cartel, who was one of the FBI guy's 'ones who got away'. The CIA agent has his eyes drilled out, so he has to rely on his hearing to shoot people.
   The coup starts, the general goes after the cash and meets El dressed in the president's coat. The CIA guy gets to shoot the cartel boss's daughter. El offs her old man, and he gives the 20 million pesos to the people of his village. This is a corny, and rather silly, pastiche of the classic spaghetti Western.

[Thursday, 06th] The Bill [Deadly Shame 2/2, 20:00, Granada] Chloe's DVD fragment was recorded at 13, in 2004, so possibly not relevant to her death. DI Nixon continued to harass Ben. Will told Chloe's mum she was married to a child molester. Polly, the former best friend, said she'd seen the DVD fragment and decided Chloe's dad, Martin, was a molester, so he was busted. Mickey played good cop to Nixon's ineffective bad cop. But both Ben & Martin were elsewhere when Chloe died, so suicide. Then Will tried to drive Martin to suicide and Sgt. Stone completed the job.
WW$ Raw [22:00, Sky Sports 3] Jeff Hardy & Umaga went off at a rather leisurely pace at times, which let the obvious mismatch go on for rather a long time. Surprise! Jeff Hardy came out on top and became the Inconsequential champ again. Lots of stuff backstage. Santino got some stick from Sandman ahead of about a minute's violence from the divas.
   Cena scragged GM Regal. Haas & Benjamin versus London & Kendrick started with some actual wrestling and developed into the sort of show the WW$ can put on when it abandons the tedious scripts. Probably the best tag match of the year ended with a 'win' for L&K, who now get a shot at the champs, Cade & Murdoch, who are still being unusually sporting.
   A duet from Jillian & Daivari before their match with Mickey & Cody. The ladies started but the blokes did most of it. HHH returned to the Raw ring for a clobbering and ritual humiliation from Carlito & "Umanga" as GM Regal keeps calling him. HHH had the last word with a steel chair, then he turned to his sledge hammer when the chair proved ineffective against "Umanga".
   Finally, a circus of McMahons. Vince was told he's sick and he needs to change. He was promising to do so when Kennedy announced that he is the bastard son. No, said a fake lawyer, the real bastard will be unveiled next week.

[Friday, 07th] NFL Special [14:00, Sky Sports 3] Highlights of the opening match of the season : the New Orleans Saints at the Indianapolis Colts. The Colts went 3 and out, the Saints did better but a 52 yard FG try missed. Manning & Harrison opened the scoring with a 27 yard pass play. 0-7. In the 2nd quarter, David, who was burned on the TD play, took the ball off Wayne and ran it back 55 yards for a TD! 7-7. The Saints went ahead with a 27 yard FG but the Colts' 2-minute drill gave them an equalizing FG. 10-10 at half time.
   The Saints went 3 & out to start the 3rd quarter. Harrison took a pass 42 yards to the NO 2, and Addai went into the end zone on the ground. 10-17. Addai reached 100 yards rushing during the next Colts' drive, which Wayne finished off with a 28 yard pass play. 10-24. Brees was picked trying to make a 3rd & 14 at midfield. Wayne took a pass to the NO 16 as the first play of a drive which ended in the 4th quarter with a 33 yard FG. 10-33.
   Brees came up short trying to make a 3rd & 5, and the Colts' defence dominated the Saints out of going for a 4th & inches. A 45 yard TD pass to Wayne extended the lead to 10-34. The Saints made a vain challenge when Brees had the ball stripped away and Mathis recovered it for the Colts. The Saints had to punt but Giordano ran an interception back 83 yards for a final TD. 10-41 final, the Colts were playing like champions, especially on defence, and the Saints had no answer to it.
NCIS [Eye Spy, 21:00, Channel 5] A CIA bloke used a spy satellite to spy on a nude bather and saw a naval commander being murdered. NCIS tracked him down despite an anonymous phone call and Gibbs had to blackmail co-operation out of his boss. The deceased had been testing the single prototype of a hand-held sonar device, which didn't work.
   The prototype was missing, which gave the manufacturer time to fix it and made him a suspect. The NCIS guys eventually decided that the wife was the killer, so Gibbs used psychology on her and Abby got a pal at NASA to blag some satellite time to spy on her and close the case.
WW$ SmackDown [22:00, Sky Sports 3] Some entertainment from MVP & Matt Hardy, then Matt had to take on one of the Greasers. A swindle was foiled, another by MVP handed the 'win' to Matt. But was he grateful? Fillers. Palumbo bashed Kenny while their respective divas did battle at ringside. Kane & Batista had a lengthy battle with Finlay & Khali. Finlay was allowed to do anything he wanted (except use his club) and Kane killed him in the end.
   The Vault: Cena versus Booger T. Fun & games backstage, and Noble was a no-show for his match with the LGB, who got to keep his belt. Fillers. Finally, Chavo & Rey Mysterio had an 'I Quit' match, during which they battered each other with steel chairs and did all sorts of moves in the ring involving bouncing their opponent off a steel chair.
   Surprise! Chavo had his knee battered into submission exactly as he had battered Mysterio almost a year ago. Then Khali flattened Mysterio and Batista came to the rescue way too late.

[Saturday, 08th] ECW Late Night [22:00, Sky Sports 3] The Boogerman versus Striker? Or was it Viscera? No, Vis was just there as a distraction at first and then to demolish the Boogerman to save Striker's ass by getting him DQ'd. Balls Mahoney had to put up with the same old 'lie down & be beat' script against Miz. Fillers.
   Burkey & Thorn versus Richards & Dreamer was fast & furious, and the New Breed guys did a better job of cheating. Finally, Punk's last shot at Nitro, so a good pounding for both guys, 25 minutes of near misses, Nitro didn't get to cheat to get a pin and, at last, it was Punk's turn to be the World Chump.
Formula Palmer Audi [23:00, Motors TV UK] was half an hour of 16-year-olds doing the racing and providing enough crashes, incidents and overtaking to put Formula 1 to shame.

[Sunday, 09th] The Italian GP [13:00, Granada] Alonso was on pole and he led from start to finish. Massa took 2nd from Hamilton at the start but he soon wrestled it back. Coulthard had a big accident on lap 3 when his front wing collapsed after a shunt, so the safety car came out. The restart left 47/53 laps to go. Massa did his first pit stop on lap 10 and retired a lap later. Raikkonen one-stopped, which put him ahead of Hamilton after the Englishman's 2nd stop, but he just drove past Raikkonen on lap 43 to claim 2nd place again.
NFL Sunday [18:00, Sky Sports 2] The Patriots scored first in New Jersey but the Jets survived a sack on Pennington to equalize with 4 minutes left in the 2nd quarter. Which was a minute more than the Pats needed for a go-ahead TD. 14-7 at half time.
   The Pats jumped further ahead with the longest ever return of a kick off at the start of the 3rd quarter. Hobbs went 108 yards to make the score 21-7. Pennington was sacked again and had to have his right ankle taped. A 51 yard TD pass from Brady to Moss; 28-7. Pennington hobbled back for an impressive TD drive from the Jets. 28-14.
   The Patriots put together another long drive in the 4th quarter and a FG put them 3 scores ahead again. 31-14. Pennington was pulled out of the lost cause and the Pats struck again inside the last 2 minutes to make sure. 38-14 final.
Meanwhile, in Washington, the Redskins & the Dolphins finished 13-13, so it was overtime. After stopping the Fins, the Skins rumbled into FG range for a 13-16 win. In Green Bay, the Packers scrambled a 13-16 win over the Eagles.
Over to the Bears in San Diego in nice time for the kick off. Defences dominated. Grossman was sacked on his 2nd play, which gave the Bolts a short field. Even so, Rivers had to sneak on a 4th & 1 in the red zone and a SD field goal try was blocked. Their next drive was stopped by a pick by Brown.
   The Bears scored first; a FG in the 2nd quarter. The QB was sacked in each of the next 3 drives. 3 punts later, Grossman was intercepted at the SD 3 and the next time the Bears had the ball, Grossman fumbled; but recovered by the Bears.
   The Bolts got the ball on the opening drive of the 3rd quarter by stripping it from Benson, Rivers was sacked again on the next play, and again in the red zone. At the goal line, the officials failed to call encroachment when one of the Bears' line flew into the Chargers, Rivers never got the ball from the snap and the Bears grabbed it.
   The SD defence held up but Rivers was sacked again. A trick 'nose down' punt hit an unwary Bear and gave the ball back to the Chargers at the CB 29. The Bolts scored with another trick play; a TD pass from Tomlinson to Gates. 3-7.
   Another strip in the 4th quarter gave the ball to the Chargers and an LT TD gave them a 3-14 lead. The Bears blew up on a 4th & 1, and the Bolts were able to eat up the clock. Not a brilliant day for either offense, but those defences look solid.

[Monday, 10th] Waking the Dead [Mask of Sanity, 21:00, UKTV Drama] James was sent down for 3 murders. Two days after he was released from gaol, someone sent the wallets taken from his 3 victims to the widow of one of them. James confessed so the police took the easy option of not looking at another suspect. DSI Boyd was rampaging constantly and James was a time bomb, plagued by memories of the violent treatment received at the Rivoli children's home.
   Other inmates of the home had been successful; as a developer and as a councillor. Spence got the job of shadowing James as he interacted with his former home-mates. James was attacked by thugs working for one of the bad guys, so he killed the bloke who set him up.
   Riccardo Rivoli, son of the evil Dr. Rivoli, who ran the home, stabbed James. His dad promptly confessed to the murders of sadists on the staff of the home and its visiting doctor. But it turned out that a whole gang of inmates, excluding James, had taken their revenge. And James just croaked quietly in the closed-down home.
NFL Live [23:55, Channel 5] The Ravens in Cincinnati. When the match started, Channel 5 had no pictures, so we watched the first 3½ minutes on Sky, then took refuge from the constant commercials on 5. The Ravens fumbled the 1st play of the 2nd drive to the Bengals, who were short on a FG try. McNair fumbled when sacked and the Bengals had the ball again. Palmer & C. Johnson scored in 1 play with a TD pass to the end zone. 0-6 after the PAT blocked.
   Oh, no! Another Ravens' fumble, and a FG for the Bengals. 0-9. After some punting, the Ravens got moving in the 2nd quarter. A big pass play, a big run and a 6 yard TD run by Smith got them on the score board. 7-9. The Bengals kicked a FG with 1 minute left; which let the Ravens get into FG range after a good kick-off return. 10-12 at half time.
   The Bengals blew up on a sack starting the 3rd quarter but they pressured McNair, the ball squirted into the air and linebacker L. Johnson took it to the end zone. 10-19. After a couple of punts, Smith fumbled the ball to the Ravens, and they kicked a FG in the 4th quarter. 13-19. After sending the Bengals 3 & out, E. Reed returned the punt 63 yards for a TD! 20-19.
   A pass from McNair bounced off his receiver to a Bengal. The Ravens challenged but Geathers had his hands under the ball and possession when he hit the ground. Houshmandzadeh took a 7 yard TD pass and R. Johnson rushed for 2 points after pass interference in the end zone on the first try. 20-27.
   The Bengals put the Ravens under relentless pressure, but when they had the ball, Johnson fumbled it to Reed. Voller came on for McNair, made a 4th & 3, and reached the 1 foot line for another 4th down after the 2 minute warning.
   Heap was done for pass interference, so his TD reception didn't count. Defensive holding gave the Ravens another set of down at the Bengals' 5, but a pick by Myers in the end zone on the 3rd down brought the match to a conclusion.
   This was a terrific match, well up to traditional Monday night standards. The Ravens' defence did their usual good job and the Bengals have added a defence that works to their quality offense.

[Tuesday, 11th] NFL highlights Special [15:15, Sky Sports 3] The late Monday night match was the Arizona Cardinals in San Francisco. The 49ers punted but Fitzgerald intercepted Leinart's first play and took the ball to the AC 6. Gore rushed to the end zone. 0-7. The Cardinals kicked a FG in the 2nd quarter, then they put together a decent drive,which ended in a TD run by James. 10-7. The 49ers replied with a decent drive and a FG. 10-10 at half time.
   The Cards started the 4th quarter with 4 penalties on 4 plays, and they gave up another penalty 2 plays later. The 49ers made a bog of great field position and managed only a FG. 10-13. In the 4th quarter, the vastly improved Cards defence sacked Smith. The SF defence wasn't doing bad, either, but they let Leinart scramble 20 yards to their 10 and gave the Cards half the distance for taunting. Boldin took the go-ahead TD pass. 17-13.
   The 49ers were at the AC 46 at the 2 minute warning. Jackson dropped the ball in the end zone. Smith made a 4th & 1 to the AC 20. The 49ers got to the AC 1 but fumbled into the end zone. The Cards should have had the ball but SF recovered it, and a TD run by Battle put the 49ers 17-20 up with 22 seconds left. A pick by Spencer put the tin lid on their victory.
CSI:Miami [Going, Going, Gone, 21:00, Channel 5] A bloke buys 2 women at a charity auction but he ends up with 1 corpse after taking his Viagra. Calleigh fails to frame a dumped boyfriend then she has to work with Jake the undercover, who's trying to bust the charitable Mr. Kinella ['kin 'ell!] for coke dealing. Horatio gives Jake a hard time for putting the dead girl in harm's way. Then he finds that Homeland Security is bugging Kinella's place.
   The CSIs cook up some very flimsy evidence to re-frame the boyfriend. Kinella is supplying funds for terrorists; the HS target, and his wife & family have been kidnapped. The bad guys have bought a container load of plastique; 10,000 lbs of it! Their target is the Turkey Point nucular power station. But H. blows up their suicide mission.
Dexter [Seeing Red, 22:00, FX] Someone sends the Police Dept. a bottle of blood containing a key. Dexter freaks out when confronted with a hotel room saturated with 50-60 litres of blood. He has visions of something terrible happening. Paul files an assault charge against Rita and looks like making it stick.
   The blood doesn't clot and it contains preservatives; it's the blood the Ice Truck Killer took from his victims. Dexter burgles Paul but freaks out again with more visions. Rudi stands Debs up to have dinner with Dexter and tell him about repressed memories. Angel doesn't get lucky in a bar; but he meets a woman who met the ITK.
   Dexter solves the Paul problem by shooting him full of heroin and getting him stuck in gaol instead of killing him. The lieutenant screws the captain by reopening the ITK case when the hotel room blood is processed. Angel upsets Rudi and he's stabbed. And Dexter is seeing increasingly vivid visions of a woman being butchered in front of her kids!

[Wednesday, 12th] The Bill [20:00, Granada] Sgt. Stone tells Will what to say about his enforced murder. Mrs. Dreyfus is burgled with violence. DC Grace gets heavy with her husband and he does the same to DS Hunter. Meanwhile, someone has been bashing drug dealers. Dean, a suspect for the Dreyfus burglary, is nicked. He denies everything and Grace finds that Dreyfus has a record under an earlier name.
   Mrs. Dreyfus won't ID the suspect. DI Nixon gives Grace permission to dig into Dreyfus's background. Will busts Max, a teacher, for GBH. Max says he had to do something because the police are useless and they let the community down. The coroner is okay about the suicide, so Will doesn't get to confess. Grace finds that Dreyfus is broke, he's borrowed £1.2M from the Russian Mob and they want their money back.
El Mariachi (1992) [21:00, TCM] Three hit men turn up at a small Mexican gaol. Azul, their target, goes after Moco, their boss, a former associate. He collects a guitar case full of weapons. Meanwhile, a mariachi wannabe, broke & also dressed in black, hits a small town and he's mistaken for Azul. 4 killers go after him but he takes them out. He bamboozles shelter out of Domino, a lady who owns a bar.
   Azul turns up at the bar, he's ambushed, and he legs it with the kid's guitar case. The kid has to shoot more killers. The kid is captured but he's not the guy, Moco says. Domino shows Azul where to find Moco. Moco shoots Domino then Azul. The kid returns and gets shot in the hand, so he plugs Moco. Then he heads off into the future with Azul's weapons, Domino's dog & motorbike, and a hole in his hand.

[Thursday, 13th] The Bill [20:00, Granada] DS Hunter & Mrs. Dreyfus are dragged out of bed and kidnapped. The Russian mob wants its cash back from the casino safe. Hunter gets the cash then he legs it and phones DI Nixon to tell her the score. DC Grace harasses Dreyfus's dodgy tax lawyer, who names Robert Minton, the guy who introduced Dreyfus to the Russian mob knowing he couldn't make the interest payments.
   Hunter makes a total bog of things and the bad guys get away while armed police are homing in on Hunter's mobile. Grace gets tough with Dean, yesterday's burglar. He says Minton is a red herring. Grace realizes that Chechens have the cash, not Russians. She busts Oleg, the legman, at a Chechen club. Mrs. Dreyfus does a runner to avoid being busted but Hunter nicks her.
   The casino's manager is in cahoots with Mrs. Dreyfus. The accountant does a bunk. Hunter gets off with some advice from Manson & Nixon, and Dreyfus is left wifeless and about to be done for obtaining a casino licence under false pretences.
WW$ Raw [22:30, late due to cricket, Sky Sports 3] More bastard son stuff. Is it Khali or Bradshaw? It's not Jeff Hardy, so he gets a match with Khali later on for being too relieved. Paul London was bounced around by Cade but when Murdoch stuck his nose in, Brian Kendrick worked a better swindle.
   HHH versus Benjamin and his blond hair had Carlito up to no good on the outside, but he failed to bash the victorious HHH with a steel chair. Loadsa entertainment. The appalling Jillian got kicked by Mickey, who was zapped by Beth,. who did the same to Candice when she joined in. Santino got the Sandman, got his ass kicked and got DQ'd when he tried to use the Singapore cane.
   Jeff Hardy had his head squashed by Khali, who was chased out of the ring by Batista. Finally, the bastard son revealed. Not someone from ECW, he's a (former) champion, white, fair-haired and not a tag champion. HHH? No, the little Green Bastard!

[Friday, 14th] Skyjacked (1972) [18:50, TCM] Charlton Heston is Captain O'Hara, an airline pilot. Someone writes a message on a toilet mirror telling the plane to divert to Anchorage because there's a bomb aboard. Bad weather means no fuel margin and an instrument landing; and an encounter with a small plane with no radio on the way. Capt. O'Hara lights his pipe to celebrate the successful landing.
   The psycho army sergeant hijacker wants to go to Moscow. After being buzzed by the Soviet air force, and after the pregnant woman has given birth, the plane lands and the sergeant offers his services to the Russkies. By the way, there's no bomb, he adds to Capt. O'Hara before shooting him cosmetically. Then the Russians blow the nutter away.
NCIS [In The Dark, 21:00, FX] A blind photographer took a picture which showed a dead petty officer, so NCIS got involved. McGee checked his computer and found that the PO was being used by the Inspector General's office as an undercover. He was spying on a colleague, Mr. Wong, at a naval procurement outfit.
   Wong turned up hanged. His suicide note said he killed PO Lin, who was blackmailing him. The photographer's lady assistant provided a red herring. Then the bloke in charge of investigations at the IG's office was busted as the real bad guy, given away by his diabetes.
NCIS [Trojan Horse, 22:00, FX] A taxi driver turned up at NCIS with a dead guy in the back of his cab. So he was filed in an office, his cab was taken to the evidence area and the body went to the mortuary, where the doctor was unable to find a cause of death. The deceased was a 'gardener' with influence at the Yemeni embassy and he seemed to be carrying a death list.
   Abby was going psycho over some evidence which was being challenged. Surprise! A burglar emerged from the taxi to steal a gun from the evidence room. Only Abby outsmarted him. The death list was a blind, the deceased was killed with marine 'red tide' toxin, and the taxi driver was in cahoots with the burglar.
   Meanwhile, Gibbs was acting director while the real director was 'shopping' in France. She ended up taking a trip to Russia to see Col.-General Borov, who's dying of lung cancer. He told her that The Frog paid off her dad for allegedly destroyed Warsaw Pact weapons and he didn't die in 1995 because he visited Borov just 3 weeks earlier!!!
Over to WW$ SmackDown! [started 22:30, Sky Sports 3] where MVP was playing Matt Hardy at chess. Jamie Noble versus Shannon Moore was some solid cruiserweight action with Moore pretending to spot LGB used as a distraction to sneak up on Noble for a pin. MVP had to take on one of the Greasers in his crap suit. A fair bit of bashing, MVP didn't watch is his six, and he ended up on the wrong end of a pin.
   The Vault: Carlito versus Cena. Vince & the LGB replayed. Kane versus Finlay was unconvincing when Kane was lying down for the Irishman, and the finish in Finlay's favour was totally unconvincing. Sack this scriptwriter. Fun backstage.
   Finally, Khali versus Batista. No immediate head clutch, no Batista Bomb because Khali was too big and heavy, and when the head clutch was applied, Batista got to the ropes. So Khali DQ'd, which didn't stop the crushing of Batista's head.

[Saturday, 15th] China's Teracotta Army [20:00, BBC 2] Dan Snow looked over the shoulders of the people who brought a handful of the first Chinese emperor's funerary army to an exhibition in London. The process started in 2006 with the selection of the figures and a 900 mile junket round the former Qin state in search of other objects to show off.
   The British Museum Reading Room was converted into a temporary gallery. All the figures were found broken (which happened soon after the first emperor's burial) in the 1970s, and had to be reassembled, so a few breakages in transit don't matter. The original figures were painted with bright colours; now mostly lost. The London exhibition is designed to let people get close to the figures to find out how life-size they really are.
Euro Crash [21:00, British Eurosport 1] was half an hour of skiers, GP & GP2, barmy bikers, outrageous rally action, saloon cars and motorbikes to finish.
ECW Late Night [22:00, ] Mr. Estrrrada was nice to Punk at the start and blagged a free, signed T-shirt. A rant from Burkey, who had his personal space invaded by Punk. Tommy Dreamer got to play the patsy for Miz this week. Striker versus Nunzio lasted about 1 minute then Viscera killed Nunzio. Vince & the LGB saga again.
   Balls Mahoney versus Mike Knox was scriptwriter's crap. Fillers, loads of them. Finally, Thorn & Burkey versus Punk & Stevie Richards was loads of bashing, lots of tricky stuff and Punk got to boot Thorn in the mush to finish him off after he'd killed Burkey.
The World's Most Powerful Explosions [23:00, Bravo+1] started convincingly with BLIVE (boiling liquid inflamable liquid explosion) involving an LPG storage depot in Seoul and a train carrying propane tanks in the US. Some exploding fireworks in Brazil didn't really qualify. Neither did demolishing an hotel and turning warships into artificial reefs.
   Back to a big bang with a train wreck caused by a Mexican tanker driver, who tried to beat a train at a level crossing. Declassified pictures of nuclear explosions was back on track. The Hindenburg disaster was off it again. The show closed with blowing up airliners for safety research, and some space missions which barely got off the ground.

[Sunday, 16th] Belgian GP @ Spa [13:00, Granada] Raikkonen, Massa, Alonso & Hamilton at the start and also at the finish. Nothing much happened in between.
Portuguese MotoGP @ Estoril [15:00, British Eurosport] Hayden on pole ahead of Stoner & Rossi but he and Rossi went backwards and Pedrosa came up to 2nd. Rossi was soon ahead of Hayden and Melandri bit Hayden's ankles for a while. Perdrosa took the lead at the start of lap 7, Rossi went past Stoner and he took the lead at the start of lap 8.
   Hayden got near to the front three. With 12 laps to go, Pedrosa got ahead. He & Rossi both made blunders and swapped the lead with 5 to go. Rossi went ahead to stay with a lap and a half to go, and Stoner's championship lead came down from 85 to 76 points with 4 races to go.
NFL Sunday, [18:00, Sky Sports 2] The Indianapolis Colts in Tennessee. Good defence by the Colts meant that they scored TDs on trips to the red zone and the Titans were restricted to field goals. But just 2 scoring drives per team made the score 13-6 with 1 minute left of the 1st half, the Titans having blocked a PAT. But that was time enough for the Colts to sprint into FG range, so 16-6 at half time.
   In the 3rd quarter, Heynesworth got a sack and the Colts kicked another FG. The Titans had to punt but Finnegan intercepted Manning and a 3 yard TD run by White made the score a more respectable 19-13. The Colts were stopped at the Tennessee 2 and had to kick another FG. 22-13. They got the ball back via a fumble recovery but a FG try missed.
   Brown did some good rushing for the Titans and Young found Williams with a 2 yard TD pass. 20-20. Vandenbosh and Sanders both got sacks, and the Titans eventually handed the ball over on downs while trying to get into FG range. Not a particularly mighty performance by the Colts' offense.
In New Jersey, the Packers slew the Giants 35-13.
The Kansas City Chiefs in Chicago started with no American commentary, so the guys in the studio had to fill in. In the 1st quarter, the Chiefs forced & recovered a fumble and D. Johnson sacked Grossman, but neither side looked in danger of scoring. We got commentary with the 2nd quarter and Grossman tossing a 2 yard TD pass to 78 St. Clair. 0-7. KC went 3 & out and Hester returned their punt 73 yards for a TD! 0-14.
   A huge scramble by Grossman ended in a 21 yard pass play to Berrian, Johnson got another sack and the Bears kicked a 47 yard FG. 0-17. Instead of going 3 & out, Huard found Wilson with a 31 yard pass and Bowe with a 16 yard TD pass to make the score 7-17 at the half.
   After an exchange of punts, the Bears found themselves with a short field, but managed only a FG. 7-20. Briggs got a sack on the way to another 3 & out for KC. N. Harris picked off Grossman, the Chiefs lost a challenge on an incomplete pass ruling and had to kick a 45 yard FG. 10-20. Hester made the end zone again after the kick off but he was called back for holding.
   Harris sent Grossman back half a mile with a 3rd down sack off a blitz. In the 4th quarter, Huard hit Bowe with a pass in the end zone, but it was called back for an illegal shift and a 48 yard FG try was blocked. KC got the ball back via a pick by Edwards but lost it when a tipped pass in the end zone was caught by Manning. Urlacher then T. Harris got sacks on Huard.
   Croyle came on for the battered Huard and was sacked on his 1st play! But this was wiped out by a face mask penalty on Chicago. A 33 yard pass to Webb got KC to the chicago 29, but the Bears made Bennett fumble, they recovered the ball; The End.
   The 'good' Grossman was playing this week and the Bears' defense did a solid job while the offense did enough.

[Monday, 17th] Scrapheap Challenge [19:00, Discovery Science] The teams had to build amphibious motorbikes. The Yorkshire Teddy Boys went for a double-hulled boat with the bike in the bottomless middle and a paddle wheel at the back. The London bus mechanics strapped pontoons onto their bike and used a propellor.
   The Teds won the slalom event on dry land convincingly, and they were faster over an out-and-back water course round a couple of buoys. The competitors managed to collide during a head-to-head race on the lake and the bus guys stopped dead. So the lads from Up North swept the field.
WW$ Unforgiven replay [21:00, Sky Sports 3] Punk & Burkey did some actual wrestling! All Punk then all Burke, but Punk snuck up on him when he was being cocky. MVP had to do a bit more than usual in his tag match with Matt Hardy against the Greasers. MVP walked out, he walked back when Matt didn't give up, he got used as a blunt instrument and Matt Hardy claimed all the glory for once.
   Carlito was allowed to use weapons on HHH but he didn't have much luck at first. He got to use the ring bell and 2 tinfoil dustbins were trashed. But an assault 'south of the border' and a Pedigree finished off the apple-spitter. Candice was well bashed by Beth, the Glamazon (shades of Chyna), but she'd bunged the scriptwriter and she got to keep her belt.
   Batista & Mysterio mixed it up but their main opponent in the Triple Threat Match was Khali, who took no notice of a steel chair shot by Mysterio. Mysterio got to give both opponents a 619 but it was a Batista Bomb on Khali which led to the pin. Unbelieveable or what! The LGB pantomime replayed again. London & Kendrick versus Case & Murdoch was speed versus power, and an outstanding tag team match. Even Murdoch did a leap off the post, and he got the pin in the final shambles.
   That tedious twat Orton collected some lumps from Cena, who then took a rest in a sleeper hold. Cena staged an amazing recovery and got himself DQ'd to keep his belt. Then some ritual humiliation for the fallen Orton. Finally, Mark Henry was left hanging around like a lemon in the ring for about 10 minutes of opening video and the Undertaker's ring-entering ceremony.
   Taker took a superplex off the post, and a couple of 400 lb splashes from the World's Strongest Man. But he still came back sluggin'. Old School off the ropes, a choke slam but no pin! But Mark Henry obligingly climbed onto the post to get himself into position for a Last Ride down and out. So the Phenom triumphant.

[Tuesday, 18th] NFL Live [01:33, Channel 5] The Redskins at Philadelphia. After some punting, the Redskins stopped the Eagles with a sack by M. Washington, Campbell found Moss with a 45 yard pass but the drive ended with a field goal. 3-0. In the 2nd quarter, a 27 yard run by Westbrook got the Eagles to the WR 13, but they came away with only a FG. 3-3. A pick by James put the Eagles on the way to another FG. 3-6.
   The Skins punted after a sack by J. Thomas. In their next possession, Campbell rushed 20 yards to the PE 18, a pass to Randle El got the Skins to the 2; then the trouble started. Delay of game, false start. The Redskins set up for a FG but the Eagles took a time out and Coach Gibbs decided to go for it. False start, back to the 17, but Campbell found Cooley with a TD pass. 10-6 at the half.
   After an exchange of punts to start the 3rd quarter, the Eagles won a challenge to keep the ball but they had to punt after a sack on McNabb. An exchange of FGs made the score 13-9. Betts took a pass 28 yards and the Skins ended the drive in the 4th quarter with a 6 yard TD run by Portis. 20-9.
   McNabb suffered a gang sack because his receivers couldn't get open. The Eagles made a 4th & 4 but had to kick a FG. 20-12. McNabb was almost picked at the goal line during the Eagles' next drive, they went 19 yards on a 4th & 5 but they blew up on a 4th & 6. The Eagles' offense isn't working.
NUMB3RS [Vector, 20:00, Five US] A disease was loose so Charlie was called in to calculate its point of origin. He managed to upset brother Don by having a sky-high security clearance. People started dying of Spanish Flu, which had been revived in the laboratory. The Feds had to work out which mad scientist was mad enough to release it.
   Charlie deduced two different strains of the flu, which had ended up in one lab through industrial espionage. That lab didn't win a megabucks government contract for a vaccine, so the guy in charge released both of them to prove that his strain was the more virulent and his lab should get the contract.
CSI:Miami [Come As You Are, 21:00, Channel 5] A marine recruiting sergeant was found at a civilian shooting range; dead before he was shot there. Then we got a confused and highly unlikely story about recruits feeling swindled after they signed up, Kevin thinking he killed his brother Patrick in a fire-fight with insurgents (when Patrick was shot by accident by a civilian contractor) and issuing death threats to the sergeant, and the sergeant being killed by accident by the civvy, who was framed for murder.
Dexter [Truth Be Told, 22:00, FX] Dexter is seeing his mother's death, and he has trouble focussing on Angel's crime scene. Angel survives Rudi's attack, but the hooker he chokes out doesn't. Debs shows up just after he's chopped her to bits, so he knocks Debs out with valium while he delivers the bits. Dexter can't find the case file on his mother's death and Camilla in the archive eventually tells him she destroyed it.
   Rudi plants his body under a Xmas tree. There's a hand missing, and there's a video of the hooker made just before she was killed. The Captain puts Sgt. Doakes in charge of the case and eventually replaces the Hispanic Lt. with an female Haitian hero. Rita eventually takes her kids to see their dad in gaol so he can explain why he's there.
   Angel remembers nothing of the stabbing. Dexter finds a stray spot of blood on his shirt; it's from the attacker. The video shows that the ITK has a vast freezer, so Doakes gets his team looking for domestic users with a huge power bill. Debs asks Dexter to find out what Rudi's up to because he's behaving oddly. Dexter reckons he's about to propose to her.
   Dexter's mother was killed on October 3rd, 1973, which explains the 103 in the ITK's messages to him. Camilla tells to stop digging. Dexter realizes that Rudi attacked Angel and the hooker had a prosthetic arm, made by Rudi, which is why the body was missing an arm.
   Rudi proposes to Debs then tells her he's the Ice Truck Killer. Dexter finds that he can't contact either Debs or Rudi; that's because Rudi has her on his boat.

[Wednesday, 19th] The Bill [20:00, Granada] A woman, Ella, disappeared having dumped her car on the way home from a boozing session. She was found with Craig, her stabbed personal trainer. A bloke hoping to get married in Australia caused a riot in a register office when they wouldn't give him a duplicate birth certificate. Someone had got one 4 weeks earlier, opened a bank account and used it for benefit fraud.
   The criminal turned out to be the landlord of the Cock & Crown and his fortune-telling sister, who reckoned they'd been robbed by the government and they were just getting their own back. Ella a crystal meth-head, had 1.5 kg of the stuff at her home; taken from Craig, who'd told Kojak, his dealer, that it had been stolen.
   There was a meth lab in the Cock & Crown. Ella's husband was busted for stabbing Craig, thinking he was having an affair with his wife. Sgt. Stone upset Leila when he defused the husband, and as Will wouldn't talk to her, Leila decided to investigate Sgt. Stone.
The Inspector Lynley Mysteries (2002) [Episode 2, Payment In Blood, 21:00, UKTV Drama] Insp. Lynley & Sgt. Havers got a case in Taggart country (Strathclyde). Joy, an author, had been stabbed at a posh house next door to actress Helen, the future Mrs. Lynley, who was shacked with a sometime alcoholic director of the play what Joy was doing. Lynley took an instant dislike to the guy and made him the chief suspect.
   The cast of the play was a bunch of psychos. Lynley dug into the suicide of the wife of the local pub, whose son, Gowan, worked at the big house. Gowan turned up dead in the boiler room. Lynley decided the director was his natural father. No, it was Sir Whatsit of the big house. No, Sir Whatsit only though he was Gowan's dad.
   Lynley persuaded Helen to act as bait but the director admitted only to being a wife-beater. But the real killer eventually turned up at Helen's rented cottage, 50 million armed coppers chased him and he obligingly confessed.

[Thursday, 20th] The Bill [20:00, Granada] Robbery with violence in the shopping centre. Two teenagers were doing it. The black one was poor and thought it's okay to steal. He was busted in the street but his white partner got away from Will & Leila. The black kid was bailed; and nailed again when a victim used hairspray on him. Meanwhile, there was a bloke chucking the family computer out of a bedroom window.
   A bashed Geordie was found; a possible cyber-stalker. Sgt. Stone scammed the black kid, who gave up his mate, a white kid from a well-off home, who was just a nasty piece of work. Will threatened him when he was busted, the kid tried to make a complaint but Sgt. Stone let him know he had no witnesses. And when Leila was doubtful, he talked her round. Maybe.
   Meanwhile, the outraged husband bashed the Geordie, thinking he'd been having an affair with his wife. But his widowed mother in law had used her daughter's details on a contact website, and after meeting mum, the Geordie dropped his complaint.
WW$ Raw [22:00, Sky Sports 3] A rant from Cena. Jeff Hardy & Shelton Benjamin offered an action-packed 10 minutes with a suitably dramatic Swanton Bomb finish off the post for Jeff. Fillers & Vince acting. Daivari and Hacksaw Jim Duggan had a grab the flag match. Ho! U!S!A! The Vault: Booger T & Hurricane versus Flair & HHH with Shawn Michaels joining in.
   More from Vince & the LGB, whom he tried, and failed, to get adopted. Then HHH strolled out to razz up the boss as a prelude to a handicap match with Cade & Murdoch. After the old boy had won, Carlito joined in, London & Kendrick saved HHH's ass so he zapped them. Some diva tag action.
   Cena had to beat Santino to save his dad from a match with Orton. But this being the WW$, he was swindled and handcuffed to the ropes while Orton did his psycho number on Dad. So yet another shameful display of WW$ sporting values and a 'stupid asshole' chant for Orton.

[Friday, 21st] WW$ SmackDown! [22:00, Sky Sports 3] The Wedding of the Century is tonight! But first, Batista & Mark Henry jawing. Then Jimmy Yang & Jamie Noble gave us 5 minutes of fast cruiserweight action before Noble was hornswoggled by Shannon Moore and Yang snuck up on him. Matt Hardy & MVP versus? Not the bloody Greasers again. Yawn. Naturally, MVP screwed up.
   Jawing and Finley assaulted Rey Mysterio for no apparent reason. The Vault: Chavo versus Mysterio. Fillers. Mark Henry versus Batista was just a vehicle for Khali to get involved and crush Batista's head. Cue the wedding. The first best bit: the squawking Jillian being scragged & evicted. The next best bit: the arrival of the Godfather & his Ho-Train. Finally, lots of ham acting when Teddy Long dropped dead or near offer.

[Saturday, 22nd] Ground Control (1998) [19:00, Hallmark] Jack, an air-traffic controller who quit after a useless pilot crashed on his watch, is dragged back to action 5 years later at Phoenix, where the controllers are going nuts, there's a guy called Murray trying to get them suspended for not being up to the job, the lady running the airport is cheapskating on the equipment budget, the equipment is going to hell and mucky weather has closed the Pacific coast so a whole bunch of aircraft need to land at Phoenix.
   Cruise (a very young Dr. Wilson from House MD) is one of the controllers and he has it in for Jack, who freezes when he has a Chicago flashback. The power supply starts failing, screwing up radio, radar & ILS. An airliner loses its radio & hydraulics after a lightning strike. The captain is just resigning himself to crashing in the desert when Jack comes up with a brilliant idea.
   He decides that the plane can steer to the runway using its engines to make turns. Cruise is thrown off the job for being stroppy. The airliner gets its radio working and Jack freaks out a bit again. The plane goes off the radar & silent for dramatic effect. But it eventually gets down in one piece.
NCIS [21:00, FX] Ducky, the doctor, recognizes one of the 3 bodies found dumped in small pieces in barrels. He testified at the trial of rapist/murderer Vincent and the bodies are the judge, prosecutor and jury foreman. Vincent is also dead from a car crash. The detective on the case turns up in the next barrel. Gibbs is sure that Vincent is alive despite the evidence from the exhumed body.
   Doc Ducky is snatched. Gibbs scams Vincent's stroppy Mom. Palmer, Ducky's assistant, & Abby prove that the body in the grave isn't Vincent's. Another scam saves the doc, Vince cuts his own throat to avoid going back to gaol and his Mom is busted.
ECW Late Night [23:00, Sky Sports 3] A load of ranting to start, then Burkey, Thorn, Dreamer & Richards had a fatal 4-way with 1 loser to drop out of the No. 1 contender stakes. So mucho mayhem, mostly Originals versus Upstarts, half the programme filled and Richards went out for shooting his mouth off about being the only winner last week. Buckets of fillers.
   The divas writhed. Balls Mahoney took on Mike Knox and actually got his first 'win' in living memory! More fillers, so not much time left for Viscera versus the Boogerman, who got stood upon by his 10-ton opponent and flattened after 5 minutes' action in and out of the ring.

[Sunday, 23rd] MotoGP of Japan replay [12:40, BBC 2] Pedrosa shot off into the distance from pole on a wet track. West took the lead briefly on lap 2/24 but had to do a ride-through for a jumped start. Pedrosa went backwards and Stoner let Melandri take the lead to scout the wet track as Rossi moved through the field. Most of the bike changes to slicks began with 18 to go, which was a bit early. Capirossi got it exactly right and ended up in the lead and winning.
   Rossi went past Stoner with 13 to go, his back tyre shredded. Stoner & Melandri came in with 10 to go; far too late. Rossi's 2nd bike didn't work at first, and another trip to the pits blew his chance of finishing ahead of Stoner and handed this year's title to the Aussie. DePunier and Elias completed the rostrum with Capirossi, Stoner was 6th and Rossi finished 13th.
NFL Sunday [18:00, Sky Sports 2] The San Franciso 49ers in Pittsburgh. The offenses hadn't done too much by the middle of the 2nd quarter. The 6-7 scoreline reflected 2 field goals from the 49ers and a kick off run back 98 yards by Rossum for a TD.
   The Steelers then put together a drive, which got them into the red zone by the 2 minute warning. Clements was doing a grand job on the 49ers defense but Roethlisberger found Tuman with a 9 yard TD pass to end the only decent Steelers' drive, which included lots from Parker on the ground and a couple of trick plays. 6-14.
   R'Berger scrambled 18 yards in the opening drive of the 3rd quarter. Passes of 29 then 15 yards to Miller put the Steelers at the SF 2, but the last pass was challenged and the ref spotted that Miller's second foot came down out of bounds. So the Steelers had to be content with a FG. 6-17. The Steeler's defence went porous but Woodley sacked Smith. Another challenge and a complete bog up by the ref.
   The SF receiver got the ball, lost it when he went down and it squirted up into the air, without touching the ground, to a Pittsburgh defender. But the ref ruled it an incomplete pass when it should have been an interception. And the Steelers didn't challenge on the grounds that the ball never hit the ground.
   Anyway, the 49ers came away with a 50 yard FG. 9-17. The Steelers kicked a 49 yarder in the 4th quarter. 9-20. After stopping the 49ers with a gang sack on Smith, the Steelers stalled again at the SF 17 and had to kick a FG. 9-23, 5 minutes left. McFadden returned an interception 50 yards for a TD; great blocking and Smith tackled him just too late. 9-30.
   Smith scrambled 25 yards to the PS 21 and found Jacobs with a TD pass. 16-30. An on-side kick attempt went staight to the Pittsburgh punter! And Davenport rubbed salt into the wound with a TD run inside the last 2 minutes. 16-37 final.
   Not a bad job by the San Francisco defence until it all ran away from them at the end. The Pittsburgh D got very full of holes at times.
Meanwhile, in Green Bay, Favre tossed 3 TD passes to equal Dan Marino's record of 420 with a big chunk of the season left, and the Packers went 3-0 with a 21-31 win over the Chargers.
The Washington Redskins made a fast start at home to the New Jersey Giants, they went into and back out of the red zone, and ended up missing a 39 yard FG. A 27 yard pass from Manning to Shockey helped to set up a 34 yard FG for the Giants. 3-0. Manning was sacked by Carter next time he had the ball, which went to Fletcher at the Giants' 6. Portis rushed to the goal line and hit the end zone on the next play. 3-7.
   Some work for the punters into the 2nd quarter. Burress dropped 2 big catch tries. Moss showed him how to do it with a 49 yard pass play to the 10, and an 8 yard TD pass to Cooley extended the Redskins' lead to 3-14. Fletcher got a sack. Burress caught a pass in the next Giants' drive but had it declared incomplete on review.
   Fletcher grabbed a tipped pass on the next play and the Redskins were back in business. The Giant stopped them on a 3rd & inches, and Suisham had to kick a 47 yard FG. 3-17 at the half.
   The Giants woke up in the 3rd quarter. Burress caught 2 passes, Shockey took one 21 yards to the WR 2 and Droughns rushed into the end zone. 10-17. Manning got into trouble during the next Giants' drive and threw an easy pick to Fletcher, but the defense sent the Skins 3 & out.
   In the 4th quarter, the Giants challenged a fumble ruling against Ward and had him ruled down by contact, and a 1 yard TD run by Droughns levelled the scores at 17. The Skins went 3 & out after Cartwright returned the kick off to their 45, and their next drive blew up when Pierce recovered at botched hand-off at the WR 44. A 34 yard TD pass to Burress gave the Giants a 24-17 lead.
   Lots of punting, Campbell took a sack, the Skins made a 3rd & 11 with a pass to Randle El, only to face 3rd & 21 for holding. That became 4th & 3. False start. Moss got the Redskins another set of downs with time running out and no time outs left. Randle El got them to the Giants' 2, and the 29th ranked Giants' D kept them out of the end zone on 4th & 1.
   The Giants turned up to play in the 2nd half and the Washington offense just expired.

[Monday, 24th] Fred Dibnah's Made in Britain (2005) [20:00, UKTV Documentary] This is Fred's last TV series, which is built around the final testing of his steam tractor. He then went on a tour of the country, looking for the vanishing places where they still do the engineering work needed to get a steam vehicle like his back into working order.
Fred Dibnah's Industrial Age (1999) [Wind, Water & Steam, 20:30, UKTV Documentary] Fred visits a place where he preserved a chimney, instead of knocking it down, to kick off a tour of Britain looking at what has been preserved from a lost industrial age; the steam engines, the pumps, the mill machinery, locomotives, etc.
Fred Dibnah's Age of Steam (2003) [21:00, UKTV Documentary] is a festival of steam from its very beginnings through to modern steam turbine power stations. Some of the engines are originals, some are working replicas, like the steam carriages designed by Richard Trevithick, which he had to leave permanently parked because of the horrible state of the roads in the early 1800s.
NFL Special [22:45, Sky Sports Xtra] The late Sunday match featuring the Cowboys in Chicago. The Bears got nowhere on the opening drive but Anderson sacked Romo on his first play and the Bears opened the scoring with a FG. 0-3. In the 2nd quarter, Grossman was picked by Henry before some punting began. The Cowboys got moving, Romo found Witten with a 34 yard pass, but the drive stalled and ended in a FG. 3-3. The Cowboys finished the first half 8-1 up on penalties.
   Lots of T. Owens during the Cowboys' opening drive of the 3rd quarter, but Witten took a 3 yard TD pass. 10-3. Grossman scrambled for a 1st down, he and Clark made a 52 yard pass play to the Dallas 22, Olsen made the 1 and Benson rushed into the end zone. 10-10. Romo was getting all the time he needed for passes, a 35 yard pass for T.O., and Barber caught a pass and ran 10 yards through tackles for a TD. 17-10.
   In the 4th quarter, the Cowboys tried to kill themselves with penalties, Urlacher got a sack, but the Cowboys still got a 44 yard FG. 20-10. The bad Grossman's 1st play was picked by Henry and returned for a TD. 27-10. A sack by Spencer stopped the Bears and Barber had the last word with a 54 yard play to the Chicago 1 and a 1 yard TD run. 34-10. Not a good day for the Bears.

[Tuesday, 25th] NFL Special [14:00, Sky Sports 3] The Titans in New Orleans on Monday night, highlights. The Titans started with a 20 yard pass play, Vince Young scrambled for a 1st down in the red zone, then 2 sacks pushed the Titans out of FG range. But they opened the scoring with a FG on their next drive. 3-0. The Titans made a 4th & short in the 2nd quarter and a 35 yard TD pass to B. Jones put them 10-0 up.
   After some punting, the Saints got moving, Brees found Colston with a 37 yard pass, Bush rushed from the 5 to the 1, then he dropped a pass in the end zone, but he made the end zone on 3rd down. 10-7. Collins played out the last minute of the first half while Young got some treatment.
   The Saints started the 3rd quarter with a 3 & out, and Brees was bashed on every play. They did better on their next drive, which Bush topped off with a 1 yard TD run. 10-14. After that, it was all Titans. A TD run by White restored their lead, and the ball was stripped from Brees and recovered by the Titans at midfield as the first play of the 4th quarter.
   A TD pass to Gates put the Titans 24-10 up. Bulluck's 2nd interception set up a FG try, which missed. Fuller ran an interception back for a TD 31-14. And Bulluck's 3rd pick put the tin lid on it. The Saints started well, couldn't last the pace and they're now 0-3.
CSI:Miami [Backstabbers, 21:00, Channel 5] Sonya, the female terrorist who tried to blow up Turkey Point nucular power station, got out on bail, her lawyer was shot and Horatio didn't take the opportunity to shoot her. A shooter was busted before the first set of ads, but he was lying. Wolf was being filmed by a guy from the mayor's office and he screwed up the evidence against a killer by spraying too much Luminol on bloodstains.
   H. & Calleigh worked out that Sonya was the target at the court, not her lawyer, and the terrorists are after her. She used her phone to put the terrorists & cops into a shoot-out. The "shooter's" laywer was busted for plugging Sonya's lawyer. H. found that Mr. Kinella had put up Sonya's $1M bail, planning to kill her for kidnapping his family. So H. let Sonya jump bail.
Dexter [12/12, Born Free, 22:00, FX] Rudi's plan was almost at fruition, Dexter was looking for him and Angel put Doakes & the ex-lieutenant on to Rudi. Doakes got on Dexter's case after he told the sergeant about the spot of Rudi's blood on Angel's shirt. Meanwhile, Dexter was looking for the container in which he mother had been murdered; but it was just full of banana.
   Paul tried to persuade Rita that Dexter had filled him up with smack, but she wouldn't listen. The new lieutenant took over, and she turned out to be her own woman rather than the stooge the captain was looking for. Meanwhile, Debs was riding around in the boot of a stolen car with its dead owner.
   Dexter found the clue he was looking for and Angel came up with another in the hospital; Rudi was a lunatic released as cured. Rudi is also Brian, Dexter's elder brother by 2 years, who was never adopted and who never had his damage limited by someone like Frank Morgan.
   Rudi took Dexter prisoner; he wanted them to kill Debs together. The cops arrived as they were fighting and Rudi got away. Rudi arrived at Dexter's place after nightfall to kill Debs, but Dexter had put a dummy in the bed. He choked Rudi out and made him look like a suicide in his own killing rig.
   At the end, Dexter felt cheated because he'd lost a brother who understood him, Doakes was still on his case, but he was a hero for saving Debs and freeing Miami of the Ice Truck Killer.

[Wednesday, 26th] The Bill [20:00, Granada] Sgt. Stone & Leila tackled an assault, which stalled on diplomatic immunity. Luckily, as well as a violent sod, Valentin was also a drug dealer; but that wasn't enough to get him prosecuted back home once he'd been sent there in disgrace. Tony mentioned to Stone that Leila has a record as a whistle blower. Meanwhile, DS Hunter and DC Grace were pursuing a stolen painting.
   Valentin was also rumoured to have killed a tom, so his garden was dug up and he was nicked for murder just before he could head for the airport and freedom. Meanwhile, Sun Hill CID harassed the male model for the painting, who'd been stalking the artist after being dumped. But the artist had stolen the picture himself for publicity. But the model burnt it! Finally, Leila was head-hunted by the guy from the FCO because he owed Sgt. Stone (and his guilty conscience) a favour.
Downfall (2004) [21:00, Film 4] Tells the story of the end of the Third Reich, focussing on Traudl Junge of the Führer's secretarial staff. On April 20th, 1945, the Russians were shelling Berlin on Hitler's birthday, the rats were fleeing the doomed city and Hitler was staying put. He handed round lethal pills on April 23rd. Everything was dropping to bits and people were going through the motions because they had nothing else to do; planning an heroic defence by Dad's Army and kids, and killing deserters and anyone who looked dodgy to the murder squads.
   Speer opened Traudl's eyes by telling her what would happen to the Goebbels kids. Goering & Himmler jumped ship. The Führer dictated his legacy around getting married. When he killed himself, everyone lit up.
   Frau Goebbels killed her kids while her husband postured and got his legacy sorted out. Everyone got the hell out of the bunker or blew their brains out. Traudl got away, and she ended up riding into the distance on a bike with a stray kid.

[Thursday, 27th] Discovery Civilizations [19:00] has found some very early Time Teams from 1994, in which Tony Robinson introduces the principal members of the cast at the beginning. Tonight's effort was set in Ribchester, Lancs., where the team found evidence for several phases of development at a Roman fort, which had been established to keep the Briganti under control when they objected to having a bunch of foreigners from the South bossing them about.
The Bill [20:00, Granada] A woman abandoned her kids to go to work and found them missing when she got back. PC Ben Gow (another black face) has signed on at Sun Hill. The hunt for the missing kids included a red herring paedophile, but it was really the husband's girlfriend who'd strolled off with the kids as part of a plan to expose the mother as neglectful of the kids.
   Meanwhile, a Polish bloke was bashed on Canley Common, so everyone assumed he was a homophile; except his fiancée. No, he turned out to have been poaching from the local pool and 3 anglers had given him a seeing-to. PC Ben established a reputation for himself by taking out all 3 of them while Will was getting his breath back after being bashed.
   Finally, DS Turner did so well on the TV appeal for the missing kids that he's getting a job on a police TV show.
WW$ Raw [20:00, Sky Sports 3] A recap of last week's shameful events involving the Cena family. Vince waddled out to rant at HHH and inflict the Little Green Bastard on the appalling Melina. Then Cena rumbled out for a brief brawl. Hardcore Holly returned to action against Cody Rhodes, and gave the young hopeful an Alabama Slamma. A whinge from Orton on tape. Ron Simmons returned to action as the WW$ seemed very short of bodies tonight. He did a bit with Santino, who legged it. Damn!
   Vince guaran-damn-teed a win when he and Carlito took on HHH in a steel cage. And as Vince had charge of the script, the outcome was never in any doubt. Carlito collected some post-match lumps from the brooding HHH. Into some ads and out in the middle of a match between London & Kendrick and Cade & Murdoch, which blew up when the scriptwriter threw in the Highlanders for no apparent reason.
   Fun backstage with the LGB and Melina in the shower. The Vault: Hurricane versus HHH with Flair butting in. Steve Austin seems to have made a movie. It's HHH versus Vince next week. Benjamin & Beth took on Jeff Hardy & Candice, who did some early high flying before shambles and the Glamazon victorious in Candice's home town of Milwaukee, Wis.
   Finally, some entertainment with Cena told to surrender his belt to Coach, then a message coming in from Mr. McMahon saying no, they were to have a tables match instead. And when Coach had been crashed through the table in the ring, the "Mr. McMahon" concerned was revealed as the LGB.

[Friday, 28th] SmackDown! [22:00, Sky Sports 3] The non-wedding and Teddy Long faking a heart attack to get out of it recapped. He's been faking a coma since then so Vicky Guerrero got his job. Torrie & Victoria opened the show in the ring. Not a bad effort and a swindle finish for Vic. Then some other blonde battered Torrie for no particular reason. MVP wasted some time jawing, so Matt Hardy rained on his parade with a film of his greatest misses.
   Palumbo & Kenny again was another crunching for the upstart in the absence of a swindle. Fillers. Kane bounced MVP around for a while then he did some lying down. The workshy MVP had to do a bit for once on his first anniversary on SmackDown! Until he got himself DQ'd to escape.
   Diva Filler. Bradshaw filler with Mysterio, who put Bradshaw on his ass and was then assaulted by Finlay for a reason known only to the scriptwriter. The Vault: Bradshaw versus Hardcore Holly. Jamie Noble & Shannon Moore mixed it up as only cruiserweights can do with Noble getting the pin for scriptwriting reasons. A rant from Khali. Finally, Undertaker & Mark Henry took 10 minutes to set up, including a burst of ads, and lasted 3 minutes. Wow! A choke slam for the World's Strongest Man.

[Saturday, 29th] Nature Unleashed: Earthquake (2004) Josh is sent to Russia to sort out a team, led by Rachel, his ex-wife (who has their 2 dreadful brats), which is retrofitting a Russian nuclear reactor in an active earthquake zone. The Russian bloke in charge of the whole mess looks like he came straight from Chernobyl. The foundations of the reactor are crumbling, the Russian boss is running the plants without safety checks and the computer's safety protocoms don't work.
   The son survives the collapse of his school and has to head to the subway where his truanting sister is trapped with a teacher. The cooling water for the reactor runs out and the core heads for meltdown. The Russian boss tries to kill Josh and puts the plant into lockdown. Rachel decides that she can use the subway to bring water from a reservoir, not knowing her kids are still in the subway!
   The Russian boss escapes to his car but something big & heavy drops onto it. Josh and his son save the daughter & the teacher. Meanwhile, Rachel opens the locked doors at the plant to let the flood of water cool the core. The world is saved from a major nuclear contamination and the fractured family is repaired.
Just Another Day [21:00, History Channel] Adam Hart-Davis goes through a day looking at the history of all the gadgets that he uses. Washing machines, vacuum cleaners, fridges, distilling gin(!), cooking gadgets including pressure cookers & microwaves, Mr. Birdseye's frozen foods, and finishing off with the telly and a hot chocolate drink. Well researched, well performed and highly watchable.
ECW Late Nite [22:00, Sky Sports 3] Burkey versus Dreamer versus Thorn was usually one on the floor while the others did battle. Dreamer got the most double-teaming, Burkey nearly killed himself and Thorn did him over a bit more after zapping Dreamer. And surprise! Burkey pinned Thorn after Dreamer had flattened the vampire wannable. That one lasted 20 minutes. Nunzio versus Mike Knox lasted an amazing 7 minutes, which was 6 more than you'd expect.
   Miz postured with another stooge to set up another cheap shot on Balls Mahoney. Striker must have bunged the scriptwriter because he looked almost good against the champ, Mr. Punk, who was killed by Viscera once he'd won.

[Sunday, 30th] Japanese GP replay [11:30, Granada] Hamilton was on pole ahead of Alonso, Raikkonen & Massa at the Fuji International Speedway, where the late James Hunt clinched his title 31 years ago. The race started behind the safety car, and both Ferraris, on standard wet tytes, had to pit for Xtreme wet tyres an inch ahead of a black flag. They said they didn't know they had to be on Xtremes. Every other team, and the commentators, knew.
   9 SC laps, Massa was side-swiped by Wurz on the opening lap and he also had to do a drive through. Button lost his front wing but continued fairly successfully as a mobile road block for a while. Sato left the pits on fire after his stop but the rain put him out!
   Hamilton was 3rd after his pit stop, and Kubica punted him off the track. Alonso rejoined 8th and dropped to 10th after tagging another car. Hamilton went backwards through cars yet to pit. The rain got worse with 29/67 laps to go. Kubica got a drive-through penalty. Raikkonen made another tyre stop.
   Hamilton regained the lead with 26 laps to go after Fisichella pitted. Alonso crashed out on the same lap, bringing out the safety car. Webber & Vettel went out from 2nd & 3rd when they collided behind the SC with 19 laps left. Massa came in again for fuel & tyres. Kovaleinen inherited 2nd place. Raikkonen pinched 3rd from Coulthard. Fisichella was 5th and Massa & Kubica were playing dodgems for 6th & 7th places.
   Based on the action & drama in this race, they should make every single Grand Prix a wet race!
NFL Sunday [18:00, Sky Sports 2] The Oakland Raiders kicked off in Miami after a 30 minute delay to let a lightning storm pass over. The Raiders dominated the 1st quarter with a TD pass to Porter, a TD run by Culpepper and a sack on Green. The Oakland running back Jordan was the man in this quarter. Despite another sack early in the 2nd quarter, the Dolphins went for a 4th & 4, and made 36 yards to the Oakland 9. A TD run by Brown made the score 14-7.
   Brown rushed 60 yards to the Oakland 34 during the next Dolphins' drive, but the Raiders' 2nd interception of a pass by Green halted them. Jordan went off hurt during the last 2 minutes and the Raiders' final drive of the half blew up when they tried to make a 4th down instead of trying a 52 yard FG.
   The Dolphins punted away their first possession of the 3rd quarter then sent the Raiders 3 & out with a gang sack on Culpepper. A 29 yard FG from Feely got the Dolphins closer at 14-10. Fargas responded with a 48 yard rush (plus half the distance to the 9 for a horse-collar tackle on him) and Culpepper hit the end zone again in spectacular style. 21-10.
   Miami punted but got the ball back from a fumble on the return. Green found a wide open Peelle with a 3 yard TD pass. 21-17. A TD pass to Porter in the 4th quarter, 28-17, left the Dolphins needing 2 scores again and by then, both Brown and Fargas had 100 yards' rushing. And when the Raiders made a 4th & goal at the Miami 3; another TD for Culpepper; that was it. 35-17.
   A good road win for the Raiders and a nice day out for Culpepper, who was cut by the Dolphins last year while injured.
Meanwhile, in Minnesota, Brett Favre had tossed TD passes 421 & 422 to claim the record and help the Pack to a 23-16 win over the Vikings for an amazing 4-0 record so far this season.
Meanwhile, in Indianapolis, Denver were rushing through the Colts' defence and they opened the scoring with a FG. A big rush by Young took their next drive to the Indy 9 and a 7 yard TD pass to Marshall extended their lead to 10-0.
   The Colts came back at them with a 14 yard TD run from Addai in the 2nd quarter. Denver replied with a FG but a TD pass from Manning to Clark put the Colts 13-14 up at half time. 100 yards' rushing for Henry.
   Addai rushed for 17 yards on the 1st play of the 3rd quarter and the Colts cut straight through the Denver defence to their 1. A QB sneak by Manning and 13-21. An interception of a Cutler pass by Jackson set up another TD pass to Clark 13-28.
   In the 4th quarter, Manning found Wayne with a 5 yard TD pass. 20-35. Denver kept going but, inside the last 2 minutes, Cutler fumbled when he was hit, the Colts recovered the ball and that was it. The Broncos did an excellent job of running the ball but they didn't have an offence in the second half.