Back to Front PageThe Labour party is having a purge. It is putting all of its Looney Lefty BS on show to be mocked off the political map before the party is reformed as a cleaned-up, post-Blairite, centre-left bunch of reasonable moderates. Will it work, though?

What life would be like under Comrade Corbyn
(which ain't gonna happen, you'll be relieved to know)

  • "We are the party of patriotism," said Corbyn. "And we fought fascism." What he didn't go on to say is that he wants to impose his own brand of communism on the country. Fascism? Communism? Spot the difference, as far as the people are concerned.
  • Corbyn, the most disloyal Labour MP of all time, will be surprised when his MPs disagree with him and show him as much loyalty as he showed to his predecessors.
  • Corbyn will rush to claim all the trappings of the Establishment, like membership of the Privy Council, but, hypocrite that he is, he will pretend that he didn't have to go through the rituals associated with acquiring said trappings and that he had his fingers crossed and he was whistling Dixie at the time, so he's not a real member of the Establishment, just a sort of looney-left cartoon of a member.
  • Corbyn will make policy on the hoof without consulting the rest of his party. For example: if the leader of the "We're Against It" party happens to meet some students on a bus, he'll immediately vow to abolish tuition fees without a second thought for where the £10 BILLION needed to do it will come from.
  • Corbynism is about saying that whatever the government of the day is doing, it has got it wrong. No alternative will ever be offered, though. Corbynism is all about negativity.
  • Being unelectable does not bother the Corbynites. The "We're Against It" party is also against elections and democracy.
  • Two weeks after making it party policy to follow the Conservative lead and live within the nation's means, the Corbyn and his pretender chancellor went back to the old "tax and waste and run up the deficit" old Labour way. So much for new and honest policies.
  • Jezzer Corbyn will preach sweetness and light and tolerance knowing that his Labour nasties are spitting, throwing things and mobbing political opponents just a few streets away. But he won't go and tell them to behave themselves like civilized people. He will also encourage sleaze-mongers with top party jobs. He will show the world that the true face of Labour is the snarl of the "We're Against Everything" mob.
  • Scotland will get as much as it wants in bribes to buy Westminster parliamentary seats there for Labour.
  • The Corbyn agrees with Blair & Mandelson; mass immigration is nothing but a plus for Labour. Just don't ask where all the migrants are going to live now that Wee Burney, Queen of Scots, has decided not to have one in her spare room. And Mrs. Balls seems to have lost her enthusiasm for a lodger. After all, how many cupboards under the stairs at £500/month are there?
  • Corbyn says he despises spin, which makes it all the more strange that he has a team of spin doctors working round the clock to create the pretence that never really believed in all the extremism, which he embraced when he was a disloyal back-bencher.
  • The Blessed Jeremy says he wants a new, kinder form of politics. And then he turns up at protest rallies near Tory events to encourage his supporters to engage in spitting and egg-throwing contests to impress him with their dedication to the cause. Clearly, his statement has been misinterpreted. When you realize that Kinder is German for children, it becomes clear that what he's actually after is Kinderpolitik – more childish politics.
  • What message does Corbyn's unReal Labour give to the nation? "If we get into power, don't bother making an effort because the state will take from you to give to its supporters, especially those who can't be bothered to shift for themselves."
  • Democracy, according to the Marxist religion, to which J. Corbyn subscribes, is a bourgeois deception. Which is why gangs of trade union leaders are talking about breaking the law any way they like to get the Tories out of power and there's not one word of caution from the new Labour leadership.
  • Wolfie Corbyn has cost the taxpayer £3 MILLION in wages and expenses. He's about to grab considerably more in his new job as leader of Her Majesty's Loyal (in theory) Opposition. Not a bad deal for unskilled labour.
  • The Right Hon. J. Corbyn, member of the Privy Council? How quickly the old postures are forgotten when there's a fancy title up for grabs.
  • A militant vegan as shadow Farming Minister; Captain Underpants shadowing the Leader of the House; the useless Lord Forkbender shadowing Justice; a looney left tax and grab and waster and friend of the IRA as shadow Chancellor . . . Well, if you start with dross, that's where you're bound to finish.
  • Benefits for all whether they need them or not and whether or not they've made a contribution is on the agenda if Comrade Corbyn forms a New Old Labour government.
  • Comrade Corbyn is expected to play a leading role in the Leave the EU campaign, so many a Tory will just have to hold their nose and line up with him!
    STOP PRESS : His colleagues lined up to boot Corbyn up the bum until he did a U-turn on the EU. His story became that he intended going to campaign to keep Britain in, no matter what sort of deal Dave the Leader cobbled together, because being in the EU would give him more excuses for tax rises to fund a tax 'n' waste economy.
  • U-Turn Alert : Corbyn Attitude Adjustment: Trident is suddenly okay.
    W-Turn Alert : Corbyn is now against Trident again.
    W-U-Turn Alert : Corbyn has changed his mind again. After a going over from the rest of his shadow cabinet, he has decided that he will vote to spend £100 BILLION on replacing the Trident system but that when he is prime minister, he will never, ever, under any circumstances use the nuclear option, thus providing his customers with a highly expensive nuclear deterrent which doesn't.
  • Corbyn's education mouthpiece is a convicted arsonist! Who, no doubt, would have us believe that he has paid his debt to society.
  • PMQs will feature questions from "ordinary people" who just happen to share the views of the lefty lunatic tendency.
  • Benefits for families will be unlimited and all rents will be controlled by the State.
  • Corbyn Labour will include compulsory trolling and assaults on all political opponents and everyone who has made the effort to make some money instead of expecting the State to support them.
  • There will be noises about balancing the budget whilst a Corbyn government prints as much money as it needs to make the deficit go away. The currency will be devalued whilst National Insurance, inheritance tax and all other taxes on people who chose to work and save to pass assets on to their family will be increased.
  • Corbyn is really serious about recycling. He even compiled his first ever party conference speech as leader out of old scripts, which have been rejected by every Labour leader since Michael Foot in the 1980s because they are full of "them and us" crap, envious misery and other unelectable loser stuff.
  • Don't mention the deficit, immigration, Labour's election-losing policies, support for terrorists, approval of cyber-bullying and rioting and assaults on political opponents, scrapping Trident, etc., etc.

Don't say you haven't been warned!

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